{"id":301528,"date":"2008-02-07T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2008-02-07T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/affirming-a-man\/"},"modified":"2008-02-07T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2008-02-07T17:00:00","slug":"affirming-a-man","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/affirming-a-man\/","title":{"rendered":"Affirming a Man"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Affirming words to a man are like water to a garden.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2008-02-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"10.67M","filesize_raw":"11184032","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2862],"tags":[4927,4527,2877],"podcast_series":[7333],"cwp_profile":[3052,3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301528","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-understanding-differences","tag-challenges","tag-communication","tag-marriage","podcast_series-rekindling-the-romance","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301528\/affirming-a-man","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301528\/affirming-a-man","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZW2ZIvG85U\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/affirming-a-man\/\">Affirming a Man<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/affirming-a-man\/embed\/#?secret=ZW2ZIvG85U\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Affirming a Man&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZW2ZIvG85U\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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intimacy ought to be a priority in every marriage relationship, and some couples need to sit down and have a long heart-to-heart talk about the importance of physical intimacy.\u00a0 Here's Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0What this has helped me understand is that it's not just meeting a need, it's giving life to my husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Music \"My Girl\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0By encouraging him and by affirming him and the way he's made, my responsiveness to him sexually is a life giving response as opposed to just meeting a need, and it elevates it to a whole new level, and it makes it much more valuable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Music \"My Girl\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, February 7th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Maybe it's time you and your spouse got together for a long talk about physical intimacy in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Music \"My Girl\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 You know what a lot of our listeners are thinking about at this time this week \u2013 they're thinking \"You guys have been talking about romance and how we're different and how we need to understand one another and meet one another's romantic needs and how it's a good thing for us that we're different,\" but I'm sure there are a lot of women who are listening, particularly, who are thinking to themselves, \"I wouldn't have any problem responding to my husband or being romantic or meeting his romantic needs if I was married to a spiritual leader and a spiritual giant like Dennis Rainey.\"\u00a0 Don't you think?\u00a0 Don't you think there are a lot of women who are thinking that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I doubt it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There are some who are going, you know, \"My husband is just not that much of a spiritual giant.\u00a0 If he was on the radio talking about what the Bible has to say and leading me spiritually the way I'm sure Dennis leads his wife spiritually, it would be easy to respond to that kind of a person.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0The grass is always greener on the other side.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, I think may be thinking, \"If my husband would go to church with me and would participate with me in the love of my life, the Scriptures and Jesus Christ\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 if we'd have devotions together or we'd pray together or some of those kinds of things.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Just partake in the spiritual dimension of life together, we'd have a different marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, and last week you talked about the need for husbands to engage in a spiritual relationship with a wife in order for the romantic relationship to have a foundation on which to rest, and we've got your wife, Barbara, back with us again this week.\u00a0 Barbara, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And isn't it just easy to respond to a spiritual giant and a spiritual leader like Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's what I said \u2013 the grass is always greener on either side.\u00a0 People can't see the weeds in our relationship from afar.\u00a0 We have weeds in our relationship just like you have weeds in your relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And the closer you get, the more you see the weeds, the more you see \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And the flaws, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right, and we're no different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And as we've already talked about this week, men and women are different.\u00a0 Men spell romance differently than women spell romance.\u00a0 Men spell romance s-e-x.\u00a0 As we talked last week, women spell romance \"relationship.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Which is a longer word, too, did you notice that.\u00a0 We want more time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Multi-syllables.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0More time just to express it, doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Just to spell it, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It does, and that's how we miss each other because we're operating out of two different dictionaries, speaking two different languages.\u00a0 No wonder we miss one another when it comes to romance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Barbara, you read a book after you'd been married for a dozen years, and you realized at that point you and Dennis were different and that your needs were different and that romance was a different thing for both of you.\u00a0 But the book you read kind of turned on some lights for you, didn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes, it did.\u00a0 I read a book by a man named George Gilder, and the title of the book is called \"Men and Marriage,\" and in that book he just talks about how we are wired, how we're made, and the thesis, or the premise, the point that really made a difference for me, anyway, is his explanation that women are hardwired to have their femininity affirmed in multiple ways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0For instance, we are created and designed so that we can bear children, and that whole process of just \u2013 from conception to childbirth is a nine-month process.\u00a0 After that, if we choose, we can nurse our child.\u00a0 We're much more in tune and connected to the emotional level of raising our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So there are aspects to being a woman that satisfy our inherent femaleness over a longer period of time than is true for men.\u00a0 And his point was is that men don't have those same avenues for expressing maleness in the same way that a woman does her femaleness.\u00a0 And, for a man, his main expression of his maleness is in the sex act, in having intercourse with his wife, and a woman can enjoy that, and that's an expression of her femaleness, but she has these other avenues, as well, that help her feel fulfilled as a woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So a woman who is nursing her baby, she's just going, \"This affirms me as a woman.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0A man has one thing that affirms him as a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When you read that \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 physically speaking.\u00a0 Now, a man is affirmed in the marketplace for his ability to succeed and earn a living and build things and create things, but those don't necessarily equate to manhood.\u00a0 And so when it comes to a man being affirmed physically \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 right down to the core of \"Am I a man?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Right \u2013 what makes him a man and what makes her a woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The one thing that makes a man feel, \"Yes, I'm a man,\" is when he's engaged with his wife physically, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's what Gilder \u2013 and Gilder is a Harvard-trained sociologist, he wasn't writing from a biblical perspective.\u00a0 This wasn't a Christian book you were reading, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But when you closed it up and went, \"Huh.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, what it did for me is it made sense, because I did feel very fulfilled as a person, as a woman, through having children and nursing the children.\u00a0 I mean, it was a wonderful experience, and there was nothing like it, and so it helped me understand that my husband doesn't have that corresponding avenue to get his maleness affirmed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I feel fully alive as a woman having children and nursing them and raising them, but my husband doesn't have that corresponding ability to do that.\u00a0 So it helped me understand how important it was for me, as a wife, to validate his sexual need and to be motivated to meet it because it was getting that affirmation from me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And there's only one place he can legitimately \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 have that need met and have his maleness affirmed, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Right, with his wife.\u00a0 If he gets it met somewhere else, then it's sin.\u00a0 The Bible calls it sin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I know we've got single listeners, Dennis, maybe some single guys who are listening are going, \"So \u2013 if I'm a single guy, I can never have my masculinity affirmed.\"\u00a0 And the Bible does address the gift of singleness and how God, in those situations, kind of comes around behind what is the normal process for men and women and can affirm a man, a single man in his masculinity, can affirm a single woman and her femininity, and yet the routine way in which these needs are met and fulfilled in our culture are for men and women to get married, to raise a family, and to come together physically sexually, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, and, again, for both single men or married men, this is all assuming you being with God in terms of who you are as a man and your identity as a man.\u00a0 Regardless of your marital state, you're never going to find out who you are and what you were made to be apart from God.\u00a0 He is at the core for both male and female, but it was God who said in Genesis, chapter 2, \"It is not good that the man be alone.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, God doesn't go on to tell us all of what he meant by that statement, but I believe a part of what he was meaning by that statement was he needed a corresponding helpmate, a female companion, one who came from his side and then came alongside him; one that completed him; and one that was designed to receive him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I think it doesn't make God any less God for Him to make man with a unique need that can be met only by a woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Barbara, in reading George Gilder's book, you had a fresh understanding.\u00a0 Did it change the way that you related to Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes and no.\u00a0 And the reason I answer both is because yes, it did, it did motivate me because I had a new level of understanding about my husband that I did not have before I read the book, and so because of that, because it was really very much a revelation to me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I took the book to Dennis, and I said, \"Is this true about you?\"\u00a0 And he said, \"Absolutely.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It was an aha! for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0It really was, and I thought, \"That makes so much sense.\"\u00a0 And because I was really motivated, in the few days that followed, I was very motivated to meet his needs and to be with him, and we had some really great times together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But the \"no\" side of the answer is that even though I understood, it did not change me because I still am a woman, I'm still going to think like a woman, I'm still going to feel like a woman, I'm still going to approach our relationship from the female perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So even though it was a dramatic lightbulb-going-on kind of an understanding in my head, it was not a miraculous transformation of the way I was made because God made me to be a woman, and I'm still going to think that way and act that way and feel that way.\u00a0 So that's the \"no\" side.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So I keep going back \u2013 should we just find more books like this and keep our wives reading regularly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I suppose that there are (inaudible) to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, you know, one of the things she wrote about here, and I just want to quote from her chapter in the book because this is so good, and she's quoting Gilder here \u2013 \"Unless men have an enduring relationship with a woman, a relationship that affords him, as a man, sexual confidence, men will accept almost any convenient sexual offer.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And he goes on to say, \"The existence of a semi-illegal, multibillion dollar pornography market almost entirely male-oriented bespeaks of the difference in sexual character between men and women.\"\u00a0 Now, think about that for a moment.\u00a0 Where else can a man be affirmed the way he's supposed to be affirmed according to God's design for marriage \u2013 it's with his wife.\u00a0 Out of 6 billion people, there is no other person that has this assignment.\u00a0 It's a unique assignment, it's a treasured assignment, and yet I think what can happen as we look at romance in a marriage is some women, instead of embracing the romantic factor in their marriage, instead they resent it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And I think, in addition to that, what this has helped me understand is that it's not just meeting a need.\u00a0 It's giving life to my husband by encouraging him and by affirming him in the way he's made, my responsiveness to him sexually is a lifegiving response as opposed to just meeting a need, and it elevates it to a whole new level, and it makes it much more valuable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So, practically, have you added this to your list \u2013 I hate to say this \u2013 but your list of marital chores, you know, \"I need to do the laundry once a week, I need to make sure I get to the grocery store, and I need to make sure that I'm meeting my husband's needs, and I better take care of that.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, Bob, you know, Paul spoke of our obligation to our spouse, both to men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a01 Corinthians, chapter 7, he says we have a duty here, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right, it's an obligation, a responsibility, and the word \"duty,\" you know, does sound like a chore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But it's a responsibility that needs to be front and center that we dare not ignore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And so the answer to the question is \"yes,\" it did go on my to-do list, which sounds real cold and unfeeling \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, it's, I mean, women all across America \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0\u2026 and unromantic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, they've just gone, \"Okay, the chore, the duty.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0The chore \u2013 but it's not just on a list, because what happened is that because I understood him, even though it became more important as far as my priority list or it made the list of things that I need to get done on a regular basis, but the difference is that I still remembered that this is essential to whom my husband is, as a man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And if I have a desire for him to become a godly man, then I need to affirm the way God made him, and I'm the only one that can do that.\u00a0 So it's not merely putting it on a to-do list.\u00a0 It's reminding myself of the value of him, as a person, of his masculinity, and understanding that God is using me to help him become who God intended him to be.\u00a0 It's that lifegiving idea, again, that when I respond to him, and I give to him, and we embrace one another in that intimate side of our relationship, I am giving him confidence and encouragement and affirmation and things that he can't get from anybody else in any other way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, there isn't a man listening to this broadcast or who will be forced to listen to this broadcast and read this book by his wife, who wouldn't agree with the following statement \u2013 if you peeked at your wife's to-do list, and you saw \"romance\" in some form or another written as a part of her chores \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right between \"grocery\" and \"ironing.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There isn't a man there who would say, \"Nah, scratch it out.\u00a0 That's demeaning\" \u2013 any more than a wife who looked over her husband's shoulder and found \"relationship\" \u2013 build a relationship with my wife by taking a walk tonight, by \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 working in the garden.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0What it means is it means you've thought of the other person.\u00a0 So you can say it's a duty, you can say it's menial, but if I've got it on my to-do list, literally, or if it's just in my head, it means something that I have thought of him, and it means something to me that he's thought of me.\u00a0 It's the serving and putting one another's needs more important than our own idea again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And it's not a man coming home and saying, \"Okay, let's have a relationship,\" anymore than it is a woman coming home, \"Okay, let's get it over with.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, okay, and that's what I wanted to ask you about because \u2013 let's take ironing, for example.\u00a0 If you've had a bad week, and you're just emotionally depleted, and kids have been derailing you all week, and you're just \u2013 you're drained, you are emotionally drained.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I identify, I've had a lot of those weeks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, you can do the ironing, right?\u00a0 In a week like that you can say \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Or I can put it off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\"I'm going to do the ironing this week,\" and that's okay.\u00a0 But it's different when you've had a week like that, and you say, \"Okay, we haven't done this, and I am just not up to it, and it's been that kind of week, and I don't see any \u2013 you know, I\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, the thing is, she can do the ironing with one hand \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, and no brain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, I mean, it doesn't take anything from inside of you to do the ironing.\u00a0 When you come together with your husband, it takes something from inside of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0It takes a whole lot more than the ironing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you may not have it there, and you may not have had it all week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you may not see any end in sight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Mm-hm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So what do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0You pray, and you pray a lot, and I think there is every reason to expect that God will hear those prayers.\u00a0 He created us the way He did for a reason, and it's another opportunity for us, as women, to depend on the Holy Spirit who lives within us to give us energy or to give us the right perspective or the right attitude or the compassion or the feelings of love or whatever it is that you're feeling depleted because of your busy week and the kids and all that kind of stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0God wants to be a part of the intimate side of our relationship, and I think too many of us feel like we can pray about a lot of other things, but we can't pray about sex, we can't pray about making love, but we need to invite God into our bedrooms, we need to invite him into the intimate side of our relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He made us, He knows how we're supposed to work, He knows we need to come together, and I would say pray.\u00a0 I've done a lot of praying in our relationship, both of us have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, and make it a priority.\u00a0 I would just add that, because after the prayer, ultimately there has to be some reordering of something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0One of the things that Barbara does is she takes naps in the afternoon, and she'd put the kids down, and she'd take a nap, too, and the reason was she wanted to be halfway fresh and alive when I got home in the evening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I just want to go back, though, as you make this a priority, it can't be a half-hearted priority.\u00a0 If you're going to make romance a priority in your marriage, you have to do it the same way you did it when you dated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, over in the Book of Revelation, it speaks of the church losing their first love.\u00a0 What John was writing about was these Christians had fallen out of a love relationship with the Savior.\u00a0 What did He tell them to do to regain their first love?\u00a0 Well, He told them to repent, which means turn from what you're doing, change your heart, and do the deeds you did at first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What did you do when you courted one another?\u00a0 You focused on him, you looked attractive for him, you made romance a priority.\u00a0 Now, when you dated, you couldn't enter into the sexual, or you weren't supposed to, but after marriage you now have the opportunity to celebrate this; to make this a \u2013 not just a checkmark off of a list but to welcome him and create a romantic celebration that will affirm him uniquely as a man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I don't think a lot of women understand the power that they have at this point.\u00a0 They're not really using their power strategically in their marriage to build up and affirm their husbands like only they can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Barbara, there are some women who have been listening today about what's the core need in a man, and they're shaking their heads going, \"Then something's wrong, because I am much more interested in this area than my husband is.\u00a0 When I try to initiate, he's not interested.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We are seeing more and more \u2013 you know, the male that comes here, more and more women are stepping forward to say, \"We know the traditional model, we know the stereotype is the husband will never say no, and the wife is always the one who has to be coerced into intimacy.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But, more and more, women are saying, \"My husband is not responding, and we've gone months without physical intimacy.\"\u00a0 What's going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes, there are more and more women who are finding themselves in that situation.\u00a0 There are a lot of things that could be going on.\u00a0 A couple of them that come to mind are sexual abuse in his childhood at some point along the way, or perhaps he is involved in pornography, and he is distracted by that and not interested in you.\u00a0 It could be workaholism, it could be any number of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We address that pretty thoroughly in the book.\u00a0 Dennis has a whole chapter to the men that the women can read and figure out what is the source of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's just a whole chapter speaking honestly and forthrightly to husbands who are disinterested in the sexual dimension of their marriage, and, frankly, it's a pretty hard-hitting chapter because of the number of issues that we had to deal with and talk about that may be impacting that man and taking away his sexual desire.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Ultimately, unless there is something physiological going on, this needs to be addressed.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's a symptom that there may be something bigger that's wrong in the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And we wrote this chapter for \u2013 well, a husband and a wife to enter into a discussion to talk about this, because this is not what needs to be happening in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0A number of years ago I just started saving an e-mail file from the number of listeners who have written to us over the years and said, \"This is what's going on in our marriage,\" and that file has grown.\u00a0 I've been surprised at how often this question is addressed, and I know there are a lot of folks who have been thankful that you spoke to it in the book \"Rekindling the Romance,\" which, again, we have in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and if our listeners are interested, they can go to our website, FamilyLife.com, and request a copy of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We also have a brand-new resource.\u00a0 It's volume 2 of our Simply Romantic Nights collection.\u00a0 Our team has put together some great date ideas for husbands and for wives.\u00a0 It's a boxful of romantic ideas for married couples, and I need to stress it's for married couples.\u00a0 This is not for romance for couples who are dating.\u00a0 This is for married couples only and, again, there's more information about both Dennis and Barbara's book and the new Simply Romantic Nights collection, volume 2.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 On the right side of the home page you'll see a box that says \"Today's Broadcast,\" and if you click that box, it will take you to an area of the site where there is more information about these resources.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can order online, if you'd like, or you can call us at 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and someone on our team will make the arrangements to send these resources out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In addition, if you are able to help with a donation of any amount this month for the ministry of FamilyLife Today, we'd like to send you two CDs that feature a conversation that you and I had, Dennis, with the authors of a book called \"Intimate Issues,\" a book for women that addresses the 21 most common questions women ask about the subject of intimacy and romance in marriage, and those CDs are our gift to you.\u00a0 It's our way of saying thank you when you support the ministry of FamilyLife Today this month.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We are listener-supported, and those donations are essential for our ongoing ministry.\u00a0 If you make a donation online, when you fill out the donation form, and you come to the keycode box on that form, type in the word \"intimate\" so we know to send you the CDs, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 You can make a donation over the phone and, again, just mention that you'd like the CDs that are the thank you gift this month, and we're happy to send them out to you.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support and appreciate hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, tomorrow we want to talk about the hidden power that a woman has in a romantic relationship with her husband, and we'll see what the Bible has to say about that tomorrow.\u00a0 Again, Dennis and Barbara Rainey will be back with us, and we hope you will be, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301528"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301528"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301528"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301528"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}