{"id":301521,"date":"2008-02-01T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2008-02-01T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/ways-to-love-your-lover\/"},"modified":"2008-02-01T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2008-02-01T17:00:00","slug":"ways-to-love-your-lover","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ways-to-love-your-lover\/","title":{"rendered":"Ways to Love Your Lover"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Love can be expressed in many ways.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2008-02-01.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"13.47M","filesize_raw":"14122048","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2862],"tags":[4927,4527,2877],"podcast_series":[7333],"cwp_profile":[3052,3048],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301521","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-understanding-differences","tag-challenges","tag-communication","tag-marriage","podcast_series-rekindling-the-romance","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-dennis-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301521\/ways-to-love-your-lover","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301521\/ways-to-love-your-lover","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"PybVv4AWv2\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ways-to-love-your-lover\/\">Ways to Love Your Lover<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/ways-to-love-your-lover\/embed\/#?secret=PybVv4AWv2\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Ways to Love Your Lover&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"PybVv4AWv2\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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feels appreciated for that and not for other things then she can feel that she is being used by her husband and that all he wants her for is for physical intimacy.\u00a0 So that's why it's so important for husbands to understand that wives need the relational emotional connection in order for her to feel valued as a person and not just valued for what she can do for him sexually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, February 1st.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Real romance in a marriage is sparked when we're tuned in to meeting one another's very different needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 You know, when you work at a place like FamilyLife, we get to go to conferences \u2013 in fact, we'll have about 100,000 people attend one of our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences all across the country this year; people who read the books that you and Barbara have written or other books that are available from us here at FamilyLife, folks who listen to our radio program, and yet we still run into people from time to time where you listen to them talk for a while, and you think, \"Do you guys really understand each other?\u00a0 Do you know one another?\u00a0 Do you really understand what it takes to make a romantic relationship work?\"\u00a0 Do you know what I'm talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Do I know?\u00a0 I think that's one of the major lessons that when you begin a marriage relationship, it's one of the biggest lessons a couple ever learns, and if you don't embrace it and don't understand that you're different and begin to appreciate that your wife is different from you, as a man, you're not going to experience oneness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's why you and your wife, Barbara, wrote the book, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" and Barbara is with us this week.\u00a0 Barbara, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Thank you, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's good to have Barbara.\u00a0 You know, the listeners really like having Barbara on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 They've been calling by the thousands this week.\u00a0 I don't want to say that they've voted us off, Bob, but I think they want you and me to talk less, and her to talk more.\u00a0 So we're going to try to do a better job of that today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're the new FamilyLife idol, and we're getting voted off the island here, I think.\u00a0 Here's a letter that came in from a listener recently, and you included this letter in your book.\u00a0 Let me read what this woman said.\u00a0 She said, \"I'm not even sure how to ask this.\u00a0 My husband seems to strongly desire me sexually, but he has trouble expressing his love in other ways.\u00a0 He's affectionate in the bedroom, but he's too busy for me the rest of the time.\u00a0 Is this normal for men?\u00a0 It makes me feel like I'm an object.\u00a0 It makes me question whether he really loves me.\u00a0 When we communicate sexually, he's nice; otherwise, he's selfish and doesn't think of me.\u00a0 Other things seem more important in his life, like the kids or sports, his time, the TV.\u00a0 The other day we had a conversation about my need to get my eyes checked since I was seeing spots.\u00a0 He actually said if I were blind, he could watch whatever he wanted on TV, and then he claimed he was joking, and I question that.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, her question is \u2013 is this normal for men?\u00a0 So is this normal for men?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, I certainly wouldn't want to excuse his behavior by calling it normal and therefore okay, but I think the tendency of men is selfishness as can be the tendency of women.\u00a0 Their selfishness shows up in a different way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I think the problem here that she has really captured in her letter is that men and women come at the subject of romance with different languages.\u00a0 He was wanting the physical intimacy with her, he was nice to her when that was taking place, and what she was wanting is she was wanting a real relationship with him the rest of the time, and he was ignoring her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Men spell romance s-e-x.\u00a0 Women, in order to give that gift to their husbands need a relationship.\u00a0 They need to know they're connected, as we talked about earlier this week, to their husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And, Barbara, a woman really does view coming together in intimacy as the giving of a gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 I think it's really important if men can understand that, for a wife, for a woman, when she is intimate physically with her husband, she is saying to him, \"I'm giving you this gift.\u00a0 I'm giving you the gift of my body.\u00a0 I'm giving you the gift of my soul,\" and she needs to know that that's valued, that's appreciated; she needs to feel cherished in that because it's a very vulnerable thing, it's a very risky thing, and I think when a wife only feels appreciated for that and not for other things, then she can feel that she is being used by her husband and that all he wants her for is for physical intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So that's why it's so important for husbands to understand that wives need the relational emotional connection in order for her to feel valued as a person and not just valued for what she can do for him sexually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, as I listen to Barbara share about that, I think, as men, and as we relate to our wives, we tend to relate to them the way we wish they'd relate to us.\u00a0 In other words, we're physical with them when we want them to be physical with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The problem is, is for them to be able to give that gift, as Barbara was talking about \u2013 they're looking for non-physical ways that express love to them by their husbands.\u00a0 In other words, they are wanting their husbands to use non-sexual touch, non-sexual words that have no demands that communicate value and love and esteeming her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So when Barbara and I wrote \"Rekindling the Romance,\" we thought, \"How can we help a husband know how to really love his wife?\"\u00a0 And so we have a chapter called \"Thirty Ways to Love your Lover.\"\u00a0 And we wrote down 30 non-sexual ways for a husband to truly connect with his wife that are not sexual.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You were really picking up on what Paul admonishes all of us to, as husbands, when he says that a husband is to cherish his wife.\u00a0 These 30 ways are ways that a wife can feel cherished by her husband, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 I'll tell you what, let's see if we can make it all the way through all 30 of these 30 days to love your lover for husbands, but if we don't make it, we'll put these on the website.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And go to FamilyLife.com if you want to get them, or you can get our book, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" but let's see if we can make them through \u2013 and what I'd like Barbara to do is help husbands by coaching them on some of these.\u00a0 She can't coach them on all 30 of these, or we'll take somebody else's broadcast in the next program that follows us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But, okay, let's get started.\u00a0 Number one, hug and kiss her every morning before leaving the house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, does that make you feel cherished as a wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes, I like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0If Dennis comes up and says, \"I'm leaving,\" and gives you a hug and a kiss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Uh-huh, I think that's an important little courtesy, a little interaction, a little touchpoint before he leaves for the day or we go our separate ways for the day, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Except when she's sleeping, if I wake her up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, I used to do it, though, because I used to would be able to go back to sleep when you got up early, and now I don't.\u00a0 So I tell him \"Don't bother me now,\" but \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I slip out, okay?\u00a0 Number two, reach across the front seat of the car when you're driving and hold her hand, even if it's just for a few moments.\u00a0 Now, that doesn't seem like a big deal.\u00a0 But there is no demand sexually there.\u00a0 It's just an act of affirmation and kindness.\u00a0 I'm going to keep moving, Barbara doesn't have anything to say about that.\u00a0 Number three \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I think it's a great idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 Number three, write her a note that says \"I'm crazy about you.\u00a0 Honey, you're the best,\" or take a yellow sticky note and put it on her mirror and just say, \"I'd marry you all over again.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, is Dennis a note writer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah, he's a note writer.\u00a0 It's fun to get those little notes.\u00a0 They're little surprises, little unexpected treats.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So what does it do?\u00a0 You walk down the island in the kitchen, there's a note from Dennis, and it says, \"I love you.\u00a0 I'd marry you all over again,\" you pick it up, you read it, what do you do?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Throws it away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0No \u2013 well, if it says, \"I'd marry you all over again,\" I'd probably keep it.\u00a0 If it just says, \"I've gone jogging, pick me up in 30 minutes, I'll throw that away.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Number four, call her from work and say, \"I've been thinking of how good I have it with you in my life.\u00a0 Thanks that you are all that you are as a woman and for all that you do for me and our family.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number five, the next time you get a pair of tickets to a ball game, theater, or a concert that she'd like to go to, make a sacrifice, take care of the kids, and make arrangements for her to go with a friend, and send her off to the concert.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're saying you stay home and take care of the kids, and she and a friend go off and do this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, and I have to confess I should have done that more often than we did.\u00a0 We had six children in 10 years, and I want to tell you something, guys can find a way to get out and go play golf or go play some slow-pitch softball or go hunting or fishing.\u00a0 I don't think our wives get those times often enough, and men ought to make time available for their wives to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I agree.\u00a0 And I remember when I would get away with friends or to a women's retreat or something, I always came back much more motivated to work on our marriage and work with the kids, and you just \u2013 it freshens you up in a way that a lot of things don't.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It charges the batteries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It really does.\u00a0 Here is the next one \u2013 go an entire day without criticizing anything about her [chuckles].\u00a0 Instead, try to notice something about her that you really appreciate and then tell her specifically how you value her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Here is another one \u2013 go to bed at the same time with her for an entire week, seven nights in a row, all right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When was the last time you did that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, since \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Don't make excuses.\u00a0 Just answer the question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0She's been on a trip.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're making excuses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0With Rebecca \u2013 it was probably the week before that, because we usually go to bed together.\u00a0 We've made it a pattern in our marriage to go to bed together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Mm-hm, we usually do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that makes you feel cherished if you go to bed at the same time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, it doesn't necessarily make me feel cherished, but it gives us time for a relationship.\u00a0 It gives us time to talk and interact if we want to.\u00a0 I mean, sometimes we go to bed, and we both read our magazines and then go to sleep.\u00a0 But we're there in the same place at the same time, and the door is shut, and the interruptions are less likely to occur, and so we have time to talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you have time to pray, then, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And we have time to pray, which we always do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Which we do, that's right.\u00a0 Number eight, brush her hair and compliment her about her hair and her eyes.\u00a0 When was the last time you did that, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Brush her hair?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 Turnabout is fair play.\u00a0 When is the last time you brushed Mary Ann's hair?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's been years, I don't even \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Hold it, hold it, Keith Lynch, our engineer just gave himself a high five.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I don't know if Mary Ann would even want me brushing her hair.\u00a0 I think she's afraid I'd mess it up.\u00a0 I probably would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeith:\u00a0I'm sure that's it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's probably it.\u00a0 Okay, number nine \u2013 and I just was beating you to the punch, because I don't do that very often with Barbara, okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, it's not something that I've really thought about wishing you would do, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But if you had long hair down to the middle of your back, and your husband would brush that long hair, that might be something that you'd like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0It would probably be nice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, yeah.\u00a0 Number nine \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're a man on a mission.\u00a0 We're getting through this list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We're going to make it through this list because you know what?\u00a0 Guys need all the help they can get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, I agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And I think these are just great, practical ways that men can cherish their wives.\u00a0 While she studies her face in the mirror, come up behind her and gently kiss her on the back of her neck.\u00a0 And then do not initiate anything further.\u00a0 Instead say, \"God broke the mold, Sweetheart, when He made you.\u00a0 You are beautiful.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Or something that he knows she would like to hear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 And if your wife listens to this broadcast, guys, come up with another line.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Don't say that because she'll go, \"Yeah, I know, you just heard that on the radio.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's exactly right, all right?\u00a0 Number ten \u2013 evict Leno and Letterman from your bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Cart the TV off, and when she asks you what you're doing, tell her you'd like to start making a habit of listening to her rather than a couple of middle-aged men in pancake makeup.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That line you could use.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I was giving some counsel to a young couple who was getting married recently, and part of the counsel I gave was just don't ever put a TV in the bedroom, and we've gone 25 years without a TV in the bedroom at our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And there were some other married couples who were around as I was giving this counsel, and they kind of looked at me like \u2013 \"You don't have a TV \u2013 you really think that's important to not have a TV in the bedroom?\"\u00a0 And I guess, I never realized how normal or how regular that is.\u00a0 Now, do you guys have a TV in your bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We do not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Have you ever?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, we did early on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0But it wasn't for long before we got rid of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And it was because Barbara kicked me out of the bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You want to go watch TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Because of the TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You go somewhere else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No, no, she just \u2013 I'm really kidding about that.\u00a0 She kicked the TV out of the bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0It really wasn't there more than a couple of months.\u00a0 It was very short-lived.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0She just didn't want to compete relationally with the TV.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, it made us go to bed so much later.\u00a0 I mean, it was just too easy for him to get the little remote and turn it on and watch and flip a few channels, and we didn't even have cable, but just to kind of watch and see what was next, and then we're turning out the light at 11, and it was too late, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There are not many things I would say \"Never,\" but we will never have a television in our bedroom.\u00a0 It is a destroyer of relationships and of intimacy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number 11, call her or send her an e-mail mid-afternoon and ask her how her day is going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number 12, try your hand at making breakfast on Saturday morning.\u00a0 Tell her she deserves a break and should feel free to sleep in.\u00a0 I've done that a few times.\u00a0 That's a good thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number 13, take her car to the gas station, fill the tank, vacuum the floormats, clean the windows.\u00a0 When you park it at the house, leave a note on the dash that says, \"Thinking of you.\"\u00a0 Just a quick note.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number 14 \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Wait, wait, wait, I want to comment on that, can I?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Mary Ann has always done a great job.\u00a0 I'll take her car and get the oil changed and have it washed and cleaned up a little bit, and she expresses back appreciation \u2013 \"Thank you for taking care of my car.\u00a0 Thank you for\" \u2013 it really goes to the security that we've already talked about this week.\u00a0 She feels more secure driving the car if I've paid attention to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I would agree with that, because I lot of us don't like to mess with it, and it's really nice not to have to \u2013 I mean, I love it that I can get in my car, and I know it's going to work every time I get in it, because I don't have to take care of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This next one is a good one \u2013 write her a short love letter in which you list several ways that she has blessed you this past year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, at the Weekend to Remember conferences, one of the projects we have couples do there \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Oooh, it's the highlight of the conference, frankly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It is for many couples.\u00a0 On Saturday morning, we ask the husbands to take their manual off to one part of the hotel, and the wives go to another part of the hotel, and they write a little note to each other, and then they come back before we start the next session, and they read each other's notes.\u00a0 And, for a lot of couples, it's been years since they have expressed to one another the things that get said in those love letters, and I'd just encourage our listeners, if you want a romantic weekend away, that's one way you can spend it is at a Weekend to Remember.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's a great investment in your marriage.\u00a0 Number 15, resurrect common courtesies.\u00a0 Now, I have to say that this is something that I believe does a lot for romance, whether you're eating at home.\u00a0 Just stand by your wife's chair, guys, and pull that chair out for her.\u00a0 I did this last night.\u00a0 I like to go around and open the car door for Barbara.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, we're not legalistic about it.\u00a0 She doesn't stand beside her side of the car and wait for me to come around and open it, but I think it's the wise man who demonstrates courtesy for his wife.\u00a0 Courtesy says it's my life for you life, and I'll give it up for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When your wife gets home from the grocery store, and she carries in the first round of the bags, if you're home, go out and get the next ones, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I really agree with that.\u00a0 It makes you feel valued as a wife to know that your husband is willing to do those small acts of kindness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Another small act of kindness is if she's doing the laundry, pull yourself away from whatever you're doing and offer to bring down the hamper or help her fold the clothes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number 17, now this may not sound like this is very important, but I think it is.\u00a0 Put the toilet seat down when you're finished and wash your hands.\u00a0 And this is a personal hobby horse of mine.\u00a0 I would estimate that 40 percent of all men do not wash their hands.\u00a0 Our wives know, they observe, and stroking her face after you've been to the bathroom suddenly loses its romantic \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Its romantic appeal?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, no doubt about it.\u00a0 Number 18, put down the newspaper, turn off the computer, and say, \"Why don't we go for a walk and have a talk.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, come on.\u00a0 I think we need to wrap this up.\u00a0 Now you're starting to get to meddling, you know?\u00a0 I mean ..\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This is one of Barbara's favorite things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0To go for a walk?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So you've got to shut down the TV and turn off the computer and say, \"Let's go for a walk.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We take a walk in our garden around our flowerbeds, and they generally don't change from day to day, but there are an occasional surprise or two where we get to see a flower that's blooming that wasn't blooming the day before.\u00a0 We did this last night.\u00a0 But it was a delightful time to walk outside and it was a lot of fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number 19 \u2013 if you overhear her engaged in a difficult situation on the phone or with one of your children, which this occurred with a great deal of regularity in our family \u2013 compliment her on the way she handled the conflict or the conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And I just want to add to that that is very important, because we've been talking about affirmation and acceptance and how important that is for a wife, and if she can hear her husband say, \"You did a great job with our child,\" or \"You did a great job on the phone with that difficult situation,\" it affirms her that she's doing well and that he notices, and we all want to be noticed and appreciated when we do something right.\u00a0 So I think that's a big one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Mm-hm.\u00a0 Well, number 20, initiate daily prayer with her.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, this is something you guys really feel \u2013 I mean \u2013 we've been through a whole bunch of stuff \u2013 TV in the bedroom and helping with the hamper and the laundry, but if you had to prioritize the list \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This would be number one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0This would be number one, mm-hm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We kind of tucked it in here because I think most of our listeners, and those who know of our ministry, know we've emphasized this for the past couple of decades, but I feel so strongly about this.\u00a0 If you want to increase intimacy, romance, your relationship with your spouse, begin the process of praying together every day.\u00a0 Invite God into your bedroom, invite God into your marriage.\u00a0 Because when He shows up, He changes people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I've kind of joked this week about every man wanting to know what it is that makes a woman go \"Ahh,\" but I've said to a lot of men, \"I'll tell you what does make a woman just go 'Ahh,' it's when you say, \"Let me pray with you about that.\"\u00a0 There is something just about initiating prayer that creates such a sense of security, safety, and, all of a sudden, I've watched my life relax, I've watched her draw closer, and you can tell her confidence, her admiration of you as a husband, increases.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, we got through 20 of the 30.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I've got to give you number 31 before we're done.\u00a0 I threw in a bonus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 Hang on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No, I want to go ahead and give it to them.\u00a0 Here's the bonus.\u00a0 For those of you who have young families, help her put the kids to bed each night.\u00a0 Not once a month, or a year \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Every night, the husband \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Every night participate in that, and engage with her around the routine of putting the kids to bed.\u00a0 I can hear the women saying, in unison \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\"I would feel cherished.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There are another 10 of these suggestions, very practical suggestions that you've included.\u00a0 Which chapter is this?\u00a0 Chapter \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Chapter 5 in the men's half of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that's how the book is divided.\u00a0 There's a men's half, and there's a woman's half, and the men's half provides coaching tips for us, as guys, on what we can do to express our love more effectively to connect romantically with our wives, and then in the women's half of the book, Barbara, you speak to wives about what a wife can do to affirm her husband and to speak his language romantically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and you can go online at FamilyLife.com for more information.\u00a0 Click the red button that you see in the middle of the home page, and that will take you to an area of the site where there is more information about the book, \"Rekindling the Romance.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is also information on that page about a new resource from our team.\u00a0 This is actually Volume 2 of the \"Simply Romantic Nights\" collection.\u00a0 What this is is a couple of dozen great romantic date ideas for a husband and a wife \u2013 12 for him and 12 for her.\u00a0 Volume 2 is brand-new fresh stuff.\u00a0 It's a year's worth of creative romance in a box.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So if you've found that your marriage relationship has gotten a little tired, and you'd like a way to wake it up a little bit, you may want to get a copy of the \"Simply Romantic Nights\" collection, volume 2, and get a copy of the book, \"Rekindling the Romance.\"\u00a0 Both are available from our FamilyLife Resource Center, and you can go online at FamilyLife.com to request these resources, or you can call 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you contact us someone on our team will let you know how you can get these resources sent to you, and you can also call 1-800-FLTODAY to request a copy of the free CD we're making available this week on the subject of romance that features our friends, Jody and Linda Dillow, talking about the subject of the romantic relationship between a husband and a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is from the Song of Solomon.\u00a0 It's a very helpful, very practical message, something that both of you will enjoy listening to together, or you can listen on your way to work and then hand it off to your spouse on his or her way to work the next day, and talk about it on one of your dates nights.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The CD is free.\u00a0 All you have to do is call and request it.\u00a0 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 We especially hope those of you who might be new listeners to FamilyLife Today will ask about a copy of this CD and, again, we're happy to send it out to you at no cost as a way to help strengthen your marriage relationship and help you understand one another better in this critical area of the romantic relationship in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, with that, we've got to wrap things up for this week.\u00a0 Next week we're going to revisit this subject, but we're going to look at it from a little different perspective from the XY perspective, from a man's perspective, and I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 I hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 I hope you and your family can worship together this weekend, and we'll see you back on Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301521","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301521"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301521"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301521"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301521"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301521"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301521"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301521"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}