{"id":301466,"date":"2007-11-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-11-14T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/counting-the-cost-of-adoption\/"},"modified":"2007-11-14T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-11-14T17:00:00","slug":"counting-the-cost-of-adoption","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/counting-the-cost-of-adoption\/","title":{"rendered":"Counting the Cost of Adoption"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The idea of adoption often gets romanticized.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-11-14.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.71M","filesize_raw":"12283340","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818],"tags":[2712,4931,4911],"podcast_series":[7550],"cwp_profile":[9095],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301466","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","tag-adoption","tag-childless","tag-orphan","podcast_series-discovering-adoption","cwp_profile-michael-easley","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301466\/counting-the-cost-of-adoption","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301466\/counting-the-cost-of-adoption","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mJ6u04VtCZ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/counting-the-cost-of-adoption\/\">Counting the Cost of Adoption<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/counting-the-cost-of-adoption\/embed\/#?secret=mJ6u04VtCZ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Counting the Cost of Adoption&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mJ6u04VtCZ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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adopted child.\u00a0 She's 17, the delight of my life.\u00a0 Nobody makes me smile like Jesse.\u00a0 I remember when we adopted her, they gave us a list, and it said \"What will you accept?\"\u00a0 And the list had things like cleft palate, Down syndrome, fetal alcohol trait, and I'm reading this going, \"How do you answer these questions?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Cindy and I prayed through it and said, \"You know what?\u00a0 If God gave us a Down syndrome child in utero, what would you do?\u00a0 You would deal with it.\u00a0 You would accept that son or daughter, and you'd love them like crazy and do all you can.\u00a0 But when you adopt, they're asking you to make a decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, November 14th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We're going to talk today about caring for the least of these and inviting some of them into our homes, into our hearts, and into our families.\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 This week we are joining with our friends at Focus on the Family, Crown Financial Ministries, there are other organizations involved.\u00a0 We are trying to do what we can do to get the word out about the needs of orphans all around the world \u2013 143 million orphans worldwide.\u00a0 There is a need for those children to be loved, to be cared for, to be provided for, and we believe that God is calling us, through His Word, to care for those needs, to reach out to the orphans, to the widows and the fatherless, to care for those very real needs.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And that's really what we're focusing on all week on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 And whenever you talk about orphan care or you get into the subject of adoption, I think it's important that you de-romanticize the subject, you know what I mean?\u00a0 Some folks look at adoption, and they think of it in kind of a fairy-tale-like scenario.\u00a0 And it's critical for a mom and a dad to recognize this is a very real choice you're making when you adopt a child, and it comes with some very real consequences that can be challenging consequences for you and for your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's exactly right, and we're going to have a conversation like that today.\u00a0 We have asked Dr. Michael Easley to join us here again on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Michael is the president of Moody Bible.\u00a0 He and his wife, Cindy, spoke at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences for a number of years.\u00a0 He's a great friend; been on the broadcast many, many times.\u00a0 Michael, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It's always great to be with you guys in the studio.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It is good to be with you.\u00a0 You and your wife have four children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Three of them grafted in by adoption.\u00a0 Barbara and I have six children, one of them grafted in through adoption.\u00a0 And I'd have to say I was like Bob.\u00a0 Barbara and I were a bit like Bob was describing earlier.\u00a0 We had romanticized the idea of adoption.\u00a0 Had you and Cindy done that as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0A little bit more her than me.\u00a0 When we first started having children, Hannah was conceived the first time, you know, boom!\u00a0 I thought maybe we were going to have 25 children.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And we never were able to conceive again, and I often share a Genesis 30:1, I believe, Rachel says, \"Give me children, else I die.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Infertility is tough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It's very hard.\u00a0 And so five years of the OB and the infertility specialist and then one day she says, \"We're going to adopt.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0She said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0She said, \"We're going to adopt,\" and she brought home the packets and did the research and the dining room table took on an office look with all these application forms, and I was slower to turn the corner than her.\u00a0 So she was bent on having four kids, and I was along for the ride.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You won't so sure about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0You know, well, I was happy with my firstborn daughter.\u00a0 I loved her like crazy and, you know, that's okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, I'm curious.\u00a0 If somebody today was in the same circumstance you were in 15, 20 years ago, they'd had one child or maybe had been unable to have a child, they were experiencing infertility, they were thinking about adoption, and they came to you, and they said, \"Okay, we're thinking about this.\u00a0 What words of wisdom would you have for us both from a cautionary standpoint but also from an encouragement standpoint?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Number one, there is no altruism or social work when it comes to adoption.\u00a0 I think the Christian community is a little deceived in this area.\u00a0 We're sort of taking on this is a social cause, and I applaud that, but I'm very cautious that we sort of rush Christians into this next thing, and it seems so good, and we look at Dennis's family or the Easley family and say, \"Wow, look at such a noble thing they did.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And Cindy is really good on this.\u00a0 She'll tell women, \"Do you want to be pregnant or do you want children?\u00a0 And you need to decide that?\"\u00a0 Now, from a woman's perspective that communicates to me it sort of falls flat.\u00a0 But what she's saying is do you want to carry that child in utero?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so I think you need to dispel a lot of myths about adoption and why you're doing it, and our motivation was we wanted children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're saying if you're doing it to try to rescue, you may be doing it for the wrong reasons?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Cindy and I, and I know we're not in the main opinion here, but Cindy and I would caution couples, \"If you're going to go rescue a child, you're going to be altruistic and help save the baby whales, you know, you need to be very careful about your motivation because after that son or daughter is in your home, that stuff no longer matters.\"\u00a0 You are not doing this as a social work position.\u00a0 Now, this is going to be your imprimatur.\u00a0 This person is going to have your name.\u00a0 You're going to try and share Christ with them and train them in the way they should go.\u00a0 It's a whole different deal than just sort of saving the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I know a pair of girls who were adopted by a family like that, and when things got tough, they gave them back to the foster care system.\u00a0 And \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0That just puts \u2013 the hair on the back of my neck stands up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I cringe, because it's twice rejected.\u00a0 And so it's very important, and I couldn't emphasize this enough, as well, Michael.\u00a0 If couples are thinking about adoption, they need to count the cost.\u00a0 You know, Luke 14 talks about discipleship and going to war and becoming a follower of Christ.\u00a0 You have to die to self and follow Christ and pick up your cross and follow Him, and I think adoption, in a very real sense, is a lot like discipleship.\u00a0 There has to be accounting of the cost as much as it is humanly possible in advance to say you know what?\u00a0 We are going to go after this child.\u00a0 We will graft them into our family, and we're going to love them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, I have a friend who adopted a child, and in that child's adolescent years, the child became disruptive in the family, and they didn't give the child back like you're talking about, but they did have to put the child outside of the home for a period of time, and I thought to myself, you know, you might have to do that with a biological child as well as an adoptive child.\u00a0 This is not a situation where they're abandoning the child they adopted, they're trying to do what's best for that child in the context of what's best for the whole family and how you negotiate this long term.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So when I hear you say \"Don't give the child back,\" I know what you're saying, but you may have to have some tough measures with a child that may include taking that child for a period of time and putting them outside the home where they can get special help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I think what both Michael and I are saying here is that this thing of adoption is very serious, and you just have to be very careful that, as he put it, you don't make it this noble cause because you know what?\u00a0 Parenting is hard work, whether they are your children through birth or your children through adoption, each child comes into a family with a unique set of needs, and I think because of being adopted, I think an adopted child has a unique set of needs as well, and I know right now there are couples who have adopted and have younger children, and they're going, \"You don't understand.\u00a0 You don't understand.\u00a0 Our kids have just flowed into our family, and it's perfect.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, you know what?\u00a0 I hope it is flawless for you.\u00a0 I hope that the journey doesn't know a deep valley, but for many, Michael, they experience a deep valley.\u00a0 What about you and Cindy?\u00a0 Have there been those valleys for you all as a couple?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Oh, sure.\u00a0 I was telling someone earlier today, you know, on a good day I look at my four kids, and I bless God.\u00a0 On a bad day, I look at Cindy and go, \"Remind me, why did we do this?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Whether they were biological or not, \"Why did we do this?\"\u00a0 I have a great friend who has three biological kids, and he asks the same question every day, you know?\u00a0 So I think you have to come to that place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Dennis, you taught me this a long time ago \u2013 you're dying to self raising children, and if you adopt these little creatures, you know, you don't know where they're coming from emotionally.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Jesse is our first adopted child.\u00a0 She's 17, the delight of my life.\u00a0 Nobody makes me smile like Jesse; love her like crazy; she adores her daddy, even at 17.\u00a0 She'll hug me and kiss me, you know, it's just a precious relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I remember when we adopted her, they gave us a list, and it said \"What will you accept?\"\u00a0 And the list had things like cleft palate, Down syndrome, fetal alcohol trait, and I'm reading this going, \"How do you answer these questions?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Cindy and I prayed through it and said, \"You know what?\u00a0 If God gave us a Down syndrome child in utero, what would you do?\u00a0 You would deal with it.\u00a0 You would accept that son or daughter, and you'd love them like crazy and do all you can.\u00a0 But when you adopt, they're asking you to make a decision.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's an interesting situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It's very bizarre.\u00a0 And so we were wonderfully na\u00efve, but God, in His kindness, put our family together, and, Dennis, I tell them that almost every single day because the abandonment issue, the identity issue \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, it's a huge thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It is always there.\u00a0 You talk to adopted adults, and they will tell you, you know, they wrestle with that, many of them, to this day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, couples who listen to us talk about the issue of adoption, hear us talk about 140 million orphans worldwide, and the fact that there is a dramatic social need for something to be done, and they say, \"Well, we want to help.\"\u00a0 How can a couple know when they've gone from that social justice, we want to help, to a point where they really are ready to assume a covenantal responsibility to raise those children?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Number one, I think you pray like crazy.\u00a0 You've got to be lock-step as a couple, and Cindy and I learned that through each adoption.\u00a0 Our first adoption, she was more pro.\u00a0 It took me a while after we got Jesse home, there was never a doubt.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Secondly, talk to other couples who have adopted children and some complicated adoptions.\u00a0 We're stupid in the body of Christ if we don't go to others who are four or five years ahead of us, and we did that.\u00a0 And now couples come to us nonstop because we've got this little poster-child family, right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I say, \"Look, you know, it is not easy.\u00a0 Now, I don't want to scare you, but you've got to be sober and understand the ramifications.\"\u00a0 We had a couple that had never had children, they were older, and they were talking about adopting three children out of the D.C. foster system.\u00a0 I said, \"Come spend the evening with the Easley's before you do this.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And they came over to our house from the preparation of dinner to the mealtime referee to the bath to the devotions, the whole nine yards and then, you know, it's romantic.\u00a0 And I said, \"This is every night from now on.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I think we need to sort of give each other a spiritual dope slap once in a while.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Michael, I want you to speak to something that \u2013 well, we speak about here on FamilyLife Today on more than one occasion \u2013 racial reconciliation.\u00a0 You adopted a biracial child.\u00a0 The Gospel is all about reconciliation.\u00a0 Reconciling us to God and giving us the hope of being reconciled to one another.\u00a0 You stepped out and did something that those on both sides, racially, might question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Oh, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What are your thoughts about a biracial adoption?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Well, you know, we did get it from both sides, and I asked some African-American friends of mine who I love like crazy.\u00a0 I said, \"What do you guys think?\u00a0 Tell me straight.\u00a0 Tell me the truth,\" and we got varying opinions from them.\u00a0 At the end of the day, you make a decision before God with your husband and wife lock-step on this thing.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I love Devon like crazy.\u00a0 He is my son, and I don't make [pause] \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, I understand, a little.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0I had a leader's wife say to me when her daughter was dating an African-American gentleman, \"Don't you think this is wrong?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And I said to her, \"Who is going to marry Devon?\"\u00a0 And she turned on her heel and walked away from me.\u00a0 You know, Devon didn't opt to be biracial, right?\u00a0 Devon had no say in the matter.\u00a0 And I think it's the greatest privilege of my life to try and show him I love him unconditionally, and God loves me unconditionally.\u00a0 I am an illegitimate orphan throwaway person, and Jesus Christ loved me.\u00a0 Can I show that to him?\u00a0 And if I can't, I've got no business being a dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I've said many times here with our daughter, Deborah, I've looked Deborah in the eye, and I'd like to know how many times I've said this to her, \"Deborah, 1,000 times out of 1,000,\" even on some of those dark days like you're speaking of, Michael, \"Barbara and I would adopt you.\u00a0 One thousand times out of 1,000.\"\u00a0 This was God's will for her and for us in Christ Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, you know, having that confidence when you face a dark day, you can do it.\u00a0 It doesn't mean it's not still going to be hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Well, and we have biological children who drive us crazy.\u00a0 You know, we have biological children who get into drugs and sex and take left turns in life and those type of things.\u00a0 There are no guarantees so you have to intellectually remind yourself of that, and you can't play the game, \"This isn't my son or my daughter.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It's like all of our adopted children that I say, \"God put you in our family.\u00a0 I am so thankful He put our family together.\"\u00a0 Because I want them to hear it's not just about them individually; that this is a unit, this is a body here, and you see a little smile on their face once in a while, you see that little gleam in their eye, they're an Easley.\u00a0 They're part of the clan.\u00a0 And we want to reassure them over and over and over, at the end of the day only two things I can do for any child.\u00a0 I can love them unconditionally and teach them of Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I have to repeat that over and over and over again with all my children.\u00a0 No matter what you do \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, adolescents ask the question often, \"Who am I?\"\u00a0 For a child who is adopted, is that question deeper and more profound than it is for a biological child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 And because we have three, our table conversations are delightful sometime.\u00a0 As one of them will find out something about a birth parent or there will be some connection perhaps.\u00a0 Two of our three are pretty bent on meeting their birth parents, if possible, one day.\u00a0 And we've told them, we will do whatever we can to facilitate that at the right time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so when you're talking about that at the dinner table, it's natural for each child to be processing what does that mean for me?\u00a0 And I think the more open you are, and I tell parents the more matter-of-fact you are about it, if you get defensive or irritated, you know, then you're toast.\u00a0 But say, \"Man, it's a great question.\u00a0 I wonder about that, too.\"\u00a0 And I think the identity issue is one they're going to deal with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I think they experience a double identity crisis.\u00a0 It's the normal one of an adolescent but there is that added crisis of who am I because they're looking around and, as parents, we don't realize how many times we'll say to our biological children, \"Oh, you get that from your mother,\" \"Oh, you're just like me,\" and an adopted child is sitting there listening to the conversation and at that point they cannot enter in in the same way, and they go, \"Where did I get that?\" and \"Who am I?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to change our conversation a bit here because you were a pastor of a local church.\u00a0 There is one other thing we can do as we talk about the crisis of orphans.\u00a0 We did some research and found out that 80 million Americans have thought about adopting, and of those 80 million, overwhelmingly the number-one place those Americans look to for help and hope as they think about adopting is the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And so we pieced those two numbers together, and we said, \"It's time to help the church be able to answer people's questions,\" and so we produced a book called \"Launching an Orphan's Ministry in the Local Church\" DVD along with it, it's a very simple, short book, eight steps in how you can do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I personally believe one of the greatest ministries that starting a church after church across the country are laymen who are grabbing hold of this concept and saying, \"You know what?\u00a0 Maybe we can't adopt.\u00a0 Maybe God's not calling us to adopt, but He has called us to care for the orphan, to go after the foster care child, and also be the champion for adoption in a local church.\"\u00a0 Speak to that and challenge those who are listening right now to maybe be the leader in their local church alongside their pastor, championing the cause of the orphan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Long before you all launched this great ministry, we had a little thing called James 1:27 in our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You did?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And Cindy spearheaded that.\u00a0 We had someone give us a little bit of money, and we were paying for home studies for couples who were freight train serious about adopting.\u00a0 And our prayer was we'd adopt one or two kids a year in our local assembly.\u00a0 And, in God's kindness a lot more were adopted.\u00a0 I remember speaking in a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conference in Boston telling our story.\u00a0 And a year later this family showed up on the front row.\u00a0 They had moved from Boston to Northern Virginia, and they had five children, stairsteps with glasses, sitting on the front row at Emmanuel with their Bibles in their laps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I went down there an introduced myself, and they said, \"We heard you speak in Boston, and we adopted these five kids as a result.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And Cindy and I went, \"Wait, wait, time, time.\"\u00a0 You know, but the power of speaking the way you're speaking Dennis, and the local church.\u00a0 We had a great ministry that supported one another.\u00a0 You've got couples who have adopted, you've got couples who have done the Russia thing, the Korea thing, the China thing, the interracial thing, and you've got to have that body around you if you're going to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There is no better place than the local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And about three years ago, we established a goal of 1,000 churches establishing an orphan care, adoption foster care ministry.\u00a0 And right now we're right at 300.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know what?\u00a0 We've got two years to go in our goal of reaching 1,000, and we've heard from a lot of people, and they're doing this, and they're starting to multiply.\u00a0 One of those churches that was on the front end has now see over 100 children adopted in their church, and they said their youth group and their Sunday school system looks like the United Nations.\u00a0 It's a cool picture of what heaven is going to look like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'd like to challenge a listener right now \u2013 are you one of those who needs to step forward and say, \"I would like to be the champion in my church.\u00a0 I'll go to the pastor, I'll explain it, but I'd like to take a step of faith.\"\u00a0 You know, there are so many believers in the local church who never step out and ever see God use them in a significant way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'm going to tell you something \u2013 God is at work in unprecedented ways around orphans, and if you want to join Him, as Henry Blackaby says, \"If you want to join God in His work, I can, on the basis of this book, right here, the Bible, I can promise you God is already at work in the midst of the orphan and those who need to be adopted in the foster care system and the local church, I believe, is the place where this needs to begin.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And there are a lot of different ways that folks can respond.\u00a0 We've got a resource we've put together called \"Ten Ways Every Christian can Care for the Orphan and Waiting Child.\"\u00a0 Adoption is one of those ways, but most folks aren't going to adopt.\u00a0 That doesn't mean that those folks don't need to be involved in caring for orphans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, we've put a whole kit together that includes that resource on how Christians can care for orphans, along with a book that lays out eight steps toward adoption for those families who do want to consider that possibility.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is another resource we've put together called launching an orphan's ministry in your church.\u00a0 It's a book that comes with a DVD that you can use to help encourage others to join you in making this a ministry in your local church.\u00a0 And then there's a DVD of a message that features, Dennis, you and Barbara talking about the needs of orphans all around the world, and you can use this, again, as a way to raise the awareness of people in your community, in your church, in whatever setting you're in, raise their awareness to the needs of the orphan all around the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We want to make this kit available to as many folks as possible this week, so we're making it available to anyone who calls or goes online to request it and makes a donation of any amount for the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Anything you can do to help us cover the cost of getting this out to you and help cover the costs associated with this ministry as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Go to our website, FamilyLife.com, click the red button you see in the middle of the screen that says \"Go.\"\u00a0 It will take you to an area of the site where you can request the Hope for Orphans kit and, again, it's available for a donation of any amount.\u00a0 As you're filling out the donor form there, when you come to the keycode box on the form, just type in the word \"orphan\" so that we know that you'd like to get this kit, and we'll get it sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Or if it's simpler, just call us at 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 Tell us that you'd like the Hope for Orphans kit, and we'll send it out to you for a donation of any amount to help us cover the costs on this.\u00a0 Our website is FamilyLife.com, our toll-free number again \u2013 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we hope that as many of you as possible get in touch with us this week and then once you get this kit, you'll look through it and decide what does God want me to do next and how can I get something going in my community or in my church or what can we do in our family?\u00a0 And adoption may be one of those things that God would lead you to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, I noticed, Michael, when we started our conversation on this subject, you reached in your Bible, and you took out a picture, and you set it on top of your Bible, and it's a picture of you and Cindy and your children.\u00a0 Why'd you do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It's the most important thing in my life.\u00a0 I mean, He saved me, and He's given me three adopted souls and one biological soul and the best partner in the world, Cindy, and that's where it starts and stops.\u00a0 If I fail here, everything I've done is for naught.\u00a0 And I'll die for them, I'll die for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 You know, Swindoll said it's at home among family members that life makes up its mind.\u00a0 That's one of my favorite quotes.\u00a0 There's a lot of life that happens right there in a family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Yup.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 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