{"id":301445,"date":"2007-10-08T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-10-08T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage\/"},"modified":"2007-10-08T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-10-08T15:00:00","slug":"just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Just Another Vacation or the Start of a Beautiful Marriage?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dennis Rainey talks to Dr. Walt Larimore about preparing for your honeymoon.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-10-08.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.19M","filesize_raw":"11737976","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2807,2808],"tags":[4973,4955],"podcast_series":[7543],"cwp_profile":[9085],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301445","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-engagements-and-weddings","category-newlyweds","tag-honeymoon","tag-preparing-for-marriage","podcast_series-the-honeymoon-of-your-dreams","cwp_profile-dr-walt-larimore","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301445\/just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301445\/just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"UzH0LdADHy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage\/\">Just Another Vacation or the Start of a Beautiful Marriage?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/just-another-vacation-or-the-start-of-a-beautiful-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=UzH0LdADHy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Just Another Vacation or the Start of a Beautiful Marriage?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"UzH0LdADHy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-10-08.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-10-08.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sometimes special moments just happen.\u00a0 Most of the time special moments take some planning, whether it's at a wedding or whether it's on a honeymoon.\u00a0 Here is Dr. Walt Larimore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0When Scott, my son, and his wife, Jennifer, got married about two years ago, they lit the Unity Candle.\u00a0 A lot of ceremonies do that, and then there was a solo.\u00a0 Well, instead of turning to face the soloist, Scott turned to Jennifer, and he used that three or four minutes to talk to her, to encourage her, to tell her how excited he was about the rest of their life together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There wasn't a dry eye in the house.\u00a0 It was a precious moment that he had thought about, he had prayed about, he had planned, to begin their honeymoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, October 8th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 A lot of people put a lot of planning into the wedding ceremony, but how many folks spend much time at all planning for the relational and spiritual dimension of their honeymoon?\u00a0 Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, I've been surprised over the years, because we've talked to a lot of couples about their honeymoons and what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We have, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And everybody's got a story, don't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, we have our own.\u00a0 You have yours.\u00a0 Barbara and I camped out and got snowed on, and I convinced her that the way to stay warm was to zip those bags together, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That worked fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It did.\u00a0 She stayed warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I tried to rent a car to go from Jacksonville, Florida, to Orlando, Florida, and found you have to have a major credit card to rent a car, and Penney's was not acceptable, which was the only major credit card I had at age 23 back in 1979.\u00a0 And so we took the bus from Jacksonville to Orlando.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0A real high point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The Greyhound.\u00a0 But differences begin to emerge.\u00a0 I mean, you start to learn that there are some differences between the two of you that I guess you knew they were there when you were dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, that's what attracts us in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But on the honeymoon it can sometimes not be such a funny story, as we are about to hear in just a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to introduce our guest, who, for many is not going to be a stranger \u2013 Dr. Walt Larimore joins us on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Walt, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0Good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I suppose you, as a physician, with all the training you had would \u2013 you wouldn't have any story of your own.\u00a0 You've written a book called \"The Honeymoon of your Dreams.\"\u00a0 Now, did you have a honeymoon from heaven or a honeymoon from another location?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0You know, Barb and I actually had a fabulous honeymoon.\u00a0 It was the beginning of what has become a lifelong marriage, but it was because I had a grandfather who sat down with me throughout our engagement and shared with me the wisdom of the family, the wisdom from his church.\u00a0 I'll give you an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0As I was planning our honeymoon, Granddad said, \"I don't think you should go on a honeymoon.\"\u00a0 And I said, \"Well, Granddad, that's kind of what you do.\"\u00a0 He said, \"No, son, it's not that you shouldn't go on a honeymoon, but I just recommend that your first few days stay at home.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it took me a minute to understand what he was saying, but what he explained to me was that a woman's first apartment, her first home, her first house, is a very important thing for her.\u00a0 It's her nest, it's her comfort zone, it's her.\u00a0 She decorates it her way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And after your wedding, especially if you have a big wedding, you're just plain exhausted.\u00a0 You're just wore out, tuckered out \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0\u2026 and his suggestion was spend your first two or three or four days there.\u00a0 Don't tell anyone \u2013 don't tell your wedding party, don't tell your best man, and so since we were going to live in the same town in which we were married, Baton Rouge, we spent our first three nights in our apartment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It was one of the wisest, most wonderful suggestions, and it actually goes along with an old Jewish tradition from way back.\u00a0 Michael Medved talks about the Seven Blessings, which are spending your first few nights in a married community, in your home community with people, and so we got off on a good step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And this book actually began 35 years ago with that advice, and just through the decades I've added the advice of others, the wisdom of others that I've shared with patients throughout my practice life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I have to interrupt you because when you mentioned go home, I thought you were talking about where your parents, where you grew up for your honeymoon, and I'm going, \"Gramps, that dog isn't going to hunt.\"\u00a0 I'm just telling you, I'm not going back home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you remember when we interviewed Frank and Betsy Hernandez \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The songwriters.\u00a0 I'm guessing that as they look back on their honeymoon they wish they'd had \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0A grandpa.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Gramp's advice.\u00a0 Because where they wound up \u2013 in fact, I think we've got the clip of it \u2013 where they wound up on their honeymoon \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It wasn't a honeymoon from heaven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0No.\u00a0 Listen to them describe this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0When we were married we were in the ministry at the time, and we were very, very poor missionaries, and one of the other fellows there had \u2013 his parents offered to let us use their \u2013 what do they call it \u2013 their suite in their home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So we got married.\u00a0 We went to Vancouver, got picked up at the airport, we're looking so forward to the suite, and discovered it was a basement apartment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0With twin beds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0With twin beds.\u00a0 We got there, there were twin beds in the home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This was for your honeymoon?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0This was for our honeymoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0For our honeymoon, yes.\u00a0 It was, like, all the garage sale furniture you could, you know, buy.\u00a0 It was \u2013 no windows, they had the little half windows up at the top, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's what you'd always dreamed of, wasn't it, Betsy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0The man who owned the home was such a sweet \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0He was a very sweet man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0Oh, they were so nice, and we \u2013 after we finished visiting with he and his wife \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0\u2026 and they wanted to visit forever, and finally his wife says, \"George, George, let them go.\u00a0 George, this is their honeymoon.\"\u00a0 So after talking, talking, talking, we finally went downstairs.\u00a0 So Betsy is sitting on one bed, and I'm sitting on the other, and we're looking each other, and suddenly we hear \u2026 \"Feelings, oh whoa whoa feelings.\"\u00a0 Their son was serenading us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0Serenading us on the organ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0On the organ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Walt, you, in your book, you say we start a honeymoon with different expectations.\u00a0 I mean, for a man, his expectations are off the charts in one direction, and for a woman, well, hers are a bit different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0Oh, there's no question about it, and, Dennis, I've come to the belief that anger and disappointment almost always starts with unmet expectations or clashing expectations, whether it's in marriage or dating or business relationships, and we did have a clash like that on our honeymoon.\u00a0 One of the things that I wanted to do, our first day together as a married couple, was begin demonstrating being the leader of the family spiritually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so I grew up in a tradition where communion was a very important part of worship.\u00a0 And so I decided that we would have a communion time together, a prayer time together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Barb came from a tradition where that was much less important, and what I didn't know was that she had had a negative experience around a communion event in a worship service.\u00a0 I didn't know that.\u00a0 And so my attempt to be the spiritual leader by imposing my expectation on her led to a very negative experience for us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, it remained a buried negative experience for about 10 years in our marriage, and one of the things I talk about in the book, especially for the guy, the week or two before your honeymoon, to have that expectation talk \u2013 to have a date where you go out to a private place, and even listed in the chapter are questions to talk about.\u00a0 \"What are your expectations, honey, for our first night?\u00a0 For our first week?\"\u00a0 And what are some of my expectations?\u00a0 Let's go ahead and talk about those expectations so that we can deal with any differences, any conflict, any hopes that we have, so that this week can become, instead of a negative experience that it turns out for so many, to be a foundation, a launching pad for a lifelong marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I counseled a couple, and we were taking them through our Preparing for Marriage Homebuilders Bible study.\u00a0 It's really a great six-session process of moving through an inventory, both you and your fianc\u00e9e, it talks about expectations, Walt, like you're talking about, and so when I was counseling this couple who were going through this material, I got both the man's book and the young lady's book, and I opened that inventory, which talks about expectations, and one of the areas where we talk about expectations is the very thing you're talking about \u2013 expectations of the honeymoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And one of the areas we talk about in that section is sexual expectations.\u00a0 Well, in the young lady's workbook, she's writing down how many times she'll think they'll have sex in the first week, and I'll not mention the number, but it was a modest number that you'd perhaps from a young lady, and I looked at the guy's, and I think he had written down five or six times a day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I look up at them, and I just smile \u2013 that's how they start their honeymoon if they don't talk about it in some kind of workbook form where they can get this out on the table.\u00a0 It's a recipe for disappointment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0It is.\u00a0 And if you think about all of the things that you can do to ensure your marriage, one that's crystal clear to me both from the research that's been done and counseling thousands of patients through the years who have headed into marriage, is to think of that honeymoon as a holy time, the foundation, the cornerstone for a marriage, and there is so much, especially that the guy can do to prepare for that week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The average woman spends \u2013 now, this shocked me \u2013 but spends about 2,400 hours preparing for her wedding.\u00a0 Now, that's a year's worth of labor.\u00a0 It's a huge amount of time, and yet the average couple will spend only very few hours planning either for the honeymoon or for the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so one of the messages in this book is, \"Guys, you need to be a man.\u00a0 You need to plan for, prepare for, this very special holy week.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And I think most of us guys, when we're thinking about planning or preparation, we're thinking logistical.\u00a0 We're thinking, \"Okay, I've got the hotel set up, I've got the ride from the airport set up.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Where we're going to have dinner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We're thinking about the details.\u00a0 I don't know that I was at all intentional about our honeymoon except around one objective that I had, you know?\u00a0 And that was sexual.\u00a0 Other than that, I thought we'll go, and we'll have some fun, we'll be in a nice location, but I really didn't have much in terms of a spiritual objective, I didn't have much in terms of inaugurating a marriage relationship.\u00a0 It was not even on my radar screen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0And it's a critical part of the planning that I think has been lost in our culture, it's been lost as generations separate, move apart, that talk that my granddad had with me, most men never have.\u00a0 In fact, we spend a chapter where Dr. Sue Crockett, the OB-GYN, who is the co-author for the book, talks just to the bride.\u00a0 It's for the bride's eyes only.\u00a0 It's that old grandmother\/mother\/aunt\/pastors wife talk about the honeymoon \u2013 what to expect, what to look forward to, what you can do to make that the launching pad for your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then I have a chapter for men.\u00a0 It's for the groom's eye only.\u00a0 Of all of the things that you can do to prepare \u2013 not just for the logistics of that week but for this magical, mysterious, sexual event that will begin that week.\u00a0 And what you can do, as a guy, to mesh with, to match, to dovetail, this incredibly complex and wonderful creature who will become your wife \u2013 how can you begin that process in the marriage bed?\u00a0 Critical, critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, Walt, I wish I'd had this piece of advice you give in this chapter, and I just want to read this because, Bob, think of how this would have taken the pressure off of you as a young man starting out your marriage if you'd had Walt share this with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He said, \"I advise the men I counsel to consider using the wedding ceremony and the reception as a time to flirt with your new wife.\u00a0 Remember that your wedding is not an event in which you are responsible to make every attendee feel comfortable, welcome, or special.\u00a0 This is your and your bride's day not theirs.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, I just have to tell you, I think most young couples getting started today, they fall right into this.\u00a0 They think they've got to please everybody, the parents, the out-of-town guests, they've got to make sure they see everybody, and in the process they're missing a prime opportunity to begin to make those strategic investments.\u00a0 Like flirting \u2013 I just wish I'd had that piece of advice, it's great advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0Yes, I'm so glad that my granddad gave that to me, and we began that process, Barb and I, in our wedding.\u00a0 And I was so glad to see that hit the fourth generation when Scott, my son, and his now-wife, Jennifer, got married about two years ago.\u00a0 They lit the Unity Candle.\u00a0 A lot of ceremonies do that, and then there was a solo.\u00a0 Well, instead of turning to face the soloist, and enjoy the solo that way, Scott turned to Jennifer, and he used that three or four minutes to talk to her, to flirt with her, to encourage her, to tell her how excited he was about the rest of their life together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There wasn't a dry eye in the house.\u00a0 It was a precious moment that he had thought about, he had prayed about, he had planned, to begin their honeymoon even during the ceremony, and I was proud of him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You mentioned that the tradition of honeymoons goes back to Jewish culture.\u00a0 That's influenced how we look at it, and it is interesting \u2013 the honeymoon was a community celebration that went on for a week, wasn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0It really was.\u00a0 Michael Medved, the conservative talk show host and movie reviewer, orthodox Jewish man, shared with me when I met him once about the tradition of Seven Blessings, and it's an old Jewish tradition where you didn't go away on your honeymoon immediately, you stayed within the faith community for a number of days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, each night you spent in the master bedroom of a different couple, and you would have dinner with that married couple.\u00a0 They were couples who had been married for a long time, had been married happily, but you were welcomed into the community of married couples.\u00a0 You weren't married and then sent away to be alone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You were welcomed into this fraternity, this sorority, this community, of married couples who gave you the message both practically and verbally \u2013 \"We care for you, and we will care for you.\u00a0 You are now one of us as a married couple, and we will honor you as such.\u00a0 You will sleep in our master bedroom, you will eat at our table,\" and so that would happen for two, three, four, even up to seven days before the honeymoon.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And it, once again, allowed a young couple to rest up, to prepare for the time away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, if I came to you today and said, \"Option A is you go off to Florida, or you go off to the Pacific Northwest,\" or wherever you want to go for your seven days, and when you come back, we'll kind of have that initiation into the community, or do you start off the way you describe, with a half a dozen days in a different place with a different couple each night, and then you go off on your trip.\u00a0 Which would you pick?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0We've mentored couples, young couples, that are nearly weds for two and a half decades.\u00a0 We don't make that decision for them.\u00a0 What we like to do is just talk about the options and begin them talking about and praying about the options of how they can take this special time and, under the Lord's leadership, decide what would be best for us with our gifts and our talents and our interests. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We had a young couple that got married last year that we were mentoring \u2013 they chose to have that time when they came back.\u00a0 Another couple, Patrick and Sally, chose, \"No, we're going to take the first couple of days and stay home.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So it varies from couple to couple.\u00a0 My thing is just start talking about it \u2013 begin that premarital education, that premarital evaluation, that premarital prayer time.\u00a0 It's not just a party that leads to a marriage, it's not just a vacation that leads to a marriage, this is the honeymoon, a holy time, to begin to lay down the cornerstone for a marriage.\u00a0 And I think there's so much that guys and gals can do right in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, the thing that I like about this model you're talking about of starting it out with some older couples spending dinner with them and staying in their homes is you're establishing what looks to me like a mentoring relationship from the very start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I could imagine what would happen if a young couple stayed at our home like that.\u00a0 Barbara and I would share our story and let them into our lives a little bit, take a peek, and get to know them as well.\u00a0 And, undoubtedly, if you spend some time with three or four of those couples, one of those couples is going click.\u00a0 One of them is going to be kindred spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, personally, Bob, kind of back to your question \u2013 you asked if I had a \"druther\" for my children as they started their marriage, in fact, we recommended it, would be that they establish one of those mentoring relationships as their marriage starts, because the first two years of a marriage, I view as the training grounds for the habits, the structures, the way you argue, the way you resolve or don't resolve your disagreements, your unmet expectations, the way you hammer out your roles, how you handle money, and how you relate to each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's the proving grounds, it's where it all moves from, and it's why, personally, all of our children were required to go to one of our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, which is also a premarriage conference that takes place during the same event, and they had to go before they were married, because you have to have the same set of blueprints.\u00a0 You need to know how you're going to handle money and conflict and roles, and that conference gives these young couples those blueprints together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And your point is that, again, a couple needs to be intentional not just about the ceremony but about the marriage that is going to follow the ceremony.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's going to last a whole lot longer than the ceremony will last, but, again, I don't know that I ever thought of the honeymoon as more than a vacation, as you described it \u2013 a vacation to start off your marriage.\u00a0 And I think, Walt, what you've done in your book is help raise our sights on this issue.\u00a0 You've helped couples start to think about the honeymoon as an inaugural event for a lifetime together, and be more intentional and have some planning built into that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 It's called \"The Honeymoon of your Dreams.\"\u00a0 You can go to our website at FamilyLife.com, and if you click the red button that you see that says \"Go\" in the middle of the home page, that will take you to the area of the site where there is more information about Walt's book.\u00a0 There is also information about a book that you and Barbara wrote a few years ago called \"Starting Your Marriage Right,\" that's a great book for couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's information about the Weekend to Remember conference where couples can sign up for one of those conferences, and a lot of those going on throughout the fall and cities all across the country, and they're \u2013 oh, you know what?\u00a0 You know what else is on our website?\u00a0 We have information about the brand-new book from you and your wife called \"Moments With You.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is the daily devotional that is a follow-up to the \"Moments Together for Couples\" book you wrote a number of years ago \u2013 365 devotions for couples to do together.\u00a0 It's called \"Moment With You,\" and it is now available in the FamilyLife Resource Center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Go to our website, FamilyLife.com, click the red button that you see in the middle of the home page that says \"Go,\" and that will take you right to the area of the site where there is information about Walt's book, about \"Starting Your Marriage Right,\" about the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember and about the brand-new book, \"Moments With You,\" and I want to encourage our listeners to get a copy of that book as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can also request copies of these resources by phone.\u00a0 Call 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 The number, again, is 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we'll be happy to make arrangements to get any or all of these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And when you do get in touch with us, someone may ask you if you'd like to make a donation to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 That's because we are listener-supported, and it's those donations that keep FamilyLife Today on the air on this station and on other stations all across the country.\u00a0 And if you are able to help with a donation this month, we have a thank you gift we'd like to send you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's a two-CD set that features Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 Dennis talks to us guys about what we can do as men to mature toward manhood and beyond, to become mentors and patriarchs and pass along a legacy of masculinity to the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then Barbara talks to wives about what a wife can do to help her husband be the man that God wants him to be.\u00a0 And, again, these CDs are our way of saying thanks this month for your financial support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 You can make a donation online at FamilyLife.com, and if you do that, you will come to a place on the donation form where you'll see a keycode box. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Just type the word \"steps\" in that box, and we'll know to send you these CDs, or call 1-800-FLTODAY, make your donation over the phone, and just mention that you'd like the CDs from Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 Again, they are our gift to you this month to say thank you for your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, tomorrow we're going to talk more about being intentional about a honeymoon.\u00a0 In fact, we'll hear a great story from Troy and Sarah Groves about their honeymoon and what went wrong.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t________________________________________________________We are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["11.19M"],"filesize_raw":["11737976"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301445.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301445.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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Rainey talks to Dr. Walt Larimore about preparing for your honeymoon.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-10-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sometimes special moments just happen.\u00a0 Most of the time special moments take some planning, whether it's at a wedding or whether it's on a honeymoon.\u00a0 Here is Dr. Walt Larimore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0When Scott, my son, and his wife, Jennifer, got married about two years ago, they lit the Unity Candle.\u00a0 A lot of ceremonies do that, and then there was a solo.\u00a0 Well, instead of turning to face the soloist, Scott turned to Jennifer, and he used that three or four minutes to talk to her, to encourage her, to tell her how excited he was about the rest of their life together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There wasn't a dry eye in the house.\u00a0 It was a precious moment that he had thought about, he had prayed about, he had planned, to begin their honeymoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, October 8th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 A lot of people put a lot of planning into the wedding ceremony, but how many folks spend much time at all planning for the relational and spiritual dimension of their honeymoon?\u00a0 Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, I've been surprised over the years, because we've talked to a lot of couples about their honeymoons and what happened.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We have, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And everybody's got a story, don't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, we have our own.\u00a0 You have yours.\u00a0 Barbara and I camped out and got snowed on, and I convinced her that the way to stay warm was to zip those bags together, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That worked fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It did.\u00a0 She stayed warm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I tried to rent a car to go from Jacksonville, Florida, to Orlando, Florida, and found you have to have a major credit card to rent a car, and Penney's was not acceptable, which was the only major credit card I had at age 23 back in 1979.\u00a0 And so we took the bus from Jacksonville to Orlando.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0A real high point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The Greyhound.\u00a0 But differences begin to emerge.\u00a0 I mean, you start to learn that there are some differences between the two of you that I guess you knew they were there when you were dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, that's what attracts us in the first place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But on the honeymoon it can sometimes not be such a funny story, as we are about to hear in just a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to introduce our guest, who, for many is not going to be a stranger \u2013 Dr. Walt Larimore joins us on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Walt, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0Good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I suppose you, as a physician, with all the training you had would \u2013 you wouldn't have any story of your own.\u00a0 You've written a book called \"The Honeymoon of your Dreams.\"\u00a0 Now, did you have a honeymoon from heaven or a honeymoon from another location?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0You know, Barb and I actually had a fabulous honeymoon.\u00a0 It was the beginning of what has become a lifelong marriage, but it was because I had a grandfather who sat down with me throughout our engagement and shared with me the wisdom of the family, the wisdom from his church.\u00a0 I'll give you an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0As I was planning our honeymoon, Granddad said, \"I don't think you should go on a honeymoon.\"\u00a0 And I said, \"Well, Granddad, that's kind of what you do.\"\u00a0 He said, \"No, son, it's not that you shouldn't go on a honeymoon, but I just recommend that your first few days stay at home.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it took me a minute to understand what he was saying, but what he explained to me was that a woman's first apartment, her first home, her first house, is a very important thing for her.\u00a0 It's her nest, it's her comfort zone, it's her.\u00a0 She decorates it her way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And after your wedding, especially if you have a big wedding, you're just plain exhausted.\u00a0 You're just wore out, tuckered out \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0\u2026 and his suggestion was spend your first two or three or four days there.\u00a0 Don't tell anyone \u2013 don't tell your wedding party, don't tell your best man, and so since we were going to live in the same town in which we were married, Baton Rouge, we spent our first three nights in our apartment.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It was one of the wisest, most wonderful suggestions, and it actually goes along with an old Jewish tradition from way back.\u00a0 Michael Medved talks about the Seven Blessings, which are spending your first few nights in a married community, in your home community with people, and so we got off on a good step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And this book actually began 35 years ago with that advice, and just through the decades I've added the advice of others, the wisdom of others that I've shared with patients throughout my practice life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I have to interrupt you because when you mentioned go home, I thought you were talking about where your parents, where you grew up for your honeymoon, and I'm going, \"Gramps, that dog isn't going to hunt.\"\u00a0 I'm just telling you, I'm not going back home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you remember when we interviewed Frank and Betsy Hernandez \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The songwriters.\u00a0 I'm guessing that as they look back on their honeymoon they wish they'd had \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0A grandpa.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Gramp's advice.\u00a0 Because where they wound up \u2013 in fact, I think we've got the clip of it \u2013 where they wound up on their honeymoon \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It wasn't a honeymoon from heaven.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0No.\u00a0 Listen to them describe this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0When we were married we were in the ministry at the time, and we were very, very poor missionaries, and one of the other fellows there had \u2013 his parents offered to let us use their \u2013 what do they call it \u2013 their suite in their home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So we got married.\u00a0 We went to Vancouver, got picked up at the airport, we're looking so forward to the suite, and discovered it was a basement apartment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0With twin beds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0With twin beds.\u00a0 We got there, there were twin beds in the home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This was for your honeymoon?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0This was for our honeymoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0For our honeymoon, yes.\u00a0 It was, like, all the garage sale furniture you could, you know, buy.\u00a0 It was \u2013 no windows, they had the little half windows up at the top, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's what you'd always dreamed of, wasn't it, Betsy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0The man who owned the home was such a sweet \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0He was a very sweet man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0Oh, they were so nice, and we \u2013 after we finished visiting with he and his wife \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0\u2026 and they wanted to visit forever, and finally his wife says, \"George, George, let them go.\u00a0 George, this is their honeymoon.\"\u00a0 So after talking, talking, talking, we finally went downstairs.\u00a0 So Betsy is sitting on one bed, and I'm sitting on the other, and we're looking each other, and suddenly we hear \u2026 \"Feelings, oh whoa whoa feelings.\"\u00a0 Their son was serenading us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBetsy:\u00a0Serenading us on the organ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFrank:\u00a0On the organ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Walt, you, in your book, you say we start a honeymoon with different expectations.\u00a0 I mean, for a man, his expectations are off the charts in one direction, and for a woman, well, hers are a bit different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0Oh, there's no question about it, and, Dennis, I've come to the belief that anger and disappointment almost always starts with unmet expectations or clashing expectations, whether it's in marriage or dating or business relationships, and we did have a clash like that on our honeymoon.\u00a0 One of the things that I wanted to do, our first day together as a married couple, was begin demonstrating being the leader of the family spiritually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so I grew up in a tradition where communion was a very important part of worship.\u00a0 And so I decided that we would have a communion time together, a prayer time together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Barb came from a tradition where that was much less important, and what I didn't know was that she had had a negative experience around a communion event in a worship service.\u00a0 I didn't know that.\u00a0 And so my attempt to be the spiritual leader by imposing my expectation on her led to a very negative experience for us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, it remained a buried negative experience for about 10 years in our marriage, and one of the things I talk about in the book, especially for the guy, the week or two before your honeymoon, to have that expectation talk \u2013 to have a date where you go out to a private place, and even listed in the chapter are questions to talk about.\u00a0 \"What are your expectations, honey, for our first night?\u00a0 For our first week?\"\u00a0 And what are some of my expectations?\u00a0 Let's go ahead and talk about those expectations so that we can deal with any differences, any conflict, any hopes that we have, so that this week can become, instead of a negative experience that it turns out for so many, to be a foundation, a launching pad for a lifelong marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I counseled a couple, and we were taking them through our Preparing for Marriage Homebuilders Bible study.\u00a0 It's really a great six-session process of moving through an inventory, both you and your fianc\u00e9e, it talks about expectations, Walt, like you're talking about, and so when I was counseling this couple who were going through this material, I got both the man's book and the young lady's book, and I opened that inventory, which talks about expectations, and one of the areas where we talk about expectations is the very thing you're talking about \u2013 expectations of the honeymoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And one of the areas we talk about in that section is sexual expectations.\u00a0 Well, in the young lady's workbook, she's writing down how many times she'll think they'll have sex in the first week, and I'll not mention the number, but it was a modest number that you'd perhaps from a young lady, and I looked at the guy's, and I think he had written down five or six times a day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I look up at them, and I just smile \u2013 that's how they start their honeymoon if they don't talk about it in some kind of workbook form where they can get this out on the table.\u00a0 It's a recipe for disappointment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0It is.\u00a0 And if you think about all of the things that you can do to ensure your marriage, one that's crystal clear to me both from the research that's been done and counseling thousands of patients through the years who have headed into marriage, is to think of that honeymoon as a holy time, the foundation, the cornerstone for a marriage, and there is so much, especially that the guy can do to prepare for that week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The average woman spends \u2013 now, this shocked me \u2013 but spends about 2,400 hours preparing for her wedding.\u00a0 Now, that's a year's worth of labor.\u00a0 It's a huge amount of time, and yet the average couple will spend only very few hours planning either for the honeymoon or for the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so one of the messages in this book is, \"Guys, you need to be a man.\u00a0 You need to plan for, prepare for, this very special holy week.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And I think most of us guys, when we're thinking about planning or preparation, we're thinking logistical.\u00a0 We're thinking, \"Okay, I've got the hotel set up, I've got the ride from the airport set up.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Where we're going to have dinner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We're thinking about the details.\u00a0 I don't know that I was at all intentional about our honeymoon except around one objective that I had, you know?\u00a0 And that was sexual.\u00a0 Other than that, I thought we'll go, and we'll have some fun, we'll be in a nice location, but I really didn't have much in terms of a spiritual objective, I didn't have much in terms of inaugurating a marriage relationship.\u00a0 It was not even on my radar screen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0And it's a critical part of the planning that I think has been lost in our culture, it's been lost as generations separate, move apart, that talk that my granddad had with me, most men never have.\u00a0 In fact, we spend a chapter where Dr. Sue Crockett, the OB-GYN, who is the co-author for the book, talks just to the bride.\u00a0 It's for the bride's eyes only.\u00a0 It's that old grandmother\/mother\/aunt\/pastors wife talk about the honeymoon \u2013 what to expect, what to look forward to, what you can do to make that the launching pad for your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then I have a chapter for men.\u00a0 It's for the groom's eye only.\u00a0 Of all of the things that you can do to prepare \u2013 not just for the logistics of that week but for this magical, mysterious, sexual event that will begin that week.\u00a0 And what you can do, as a guy, to mesh with, to match, to dovetail, this incredibly complex and wonderful creature who will become your wife \u2013 how can you begin that process in the marriage bed?\u00a0 Critical, critical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, Walt, I wish I'd had this piece of advice you give in this chapter, and I just want to read this because, Bob, think of how this would have taken the pressure off of you as a young man starting out your marriage if you'd had Walt share this with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He said, \"I advise the men I counsel to consider using the wedding ceremony and the reception as a time to flirt with your new wife.\u00a0 Remember that your wedding is not an event in which you are responsible to make every attendee feel comfortable, welcome, or special.\u00a0 This is your and your bride's day not theirs.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, I just have to tell you, I think most young couples getting started today, they fall right into this.\u00a0 They think they've got to please everybody, the parents, the out-of-town guests, they've got to make sure they see everybody, and in the process they're missing a prime opportunity to begin to make those strategic investments.\u00a0 Like flirting \u2013 I just wish I'd had that piece of advice, it's great advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0Yes, I'm so glad that my granddad gave that to me, and we began that process, Barb and I, in our wedding.\u00a0 And I was so glad to see that hit the fourth generation when Scott, my son, and his now-wife, Jennifer, got married about two years ago.\u00a0 They lit the Unity Candle.\u00a0 A lot of ceremonies do that, and then there was a solo.\u00a0 Well, instead of turning to face the soloist, and enjoy the solo that way, Scott turned to Jennifer, and he used that three or four minutes to talk to her, to flirt with her, to encourage her, to tell her how excited he was about the rest of their life together.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There wasn't a dry eye in the house.\u00a0 It was a precious moment that he had thought about, he had prayed about, he had planned, to begin their honeymoon even during the ceremony, and I was proud of him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You mentioned that the tradition of honeymoons goes back to Jewish culture.\u00a0 That's influenced how we look at it, and it is interesting \u2013 the honeymoon was a community celebration that went on for a week, wasn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0It really was.\u00a0 Michael Medved, the conservative talk show host and movie reviewer, orthodox Jewish man, shared with me when I met him once about the tradition of Seven Blessings, and it's an old Jewish tradition where you didn't go away on your honeymoon immediately, you stayed within the faith community for a number of days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, each night you spent in the master bedroom of a different couple, and you would have dinner with that married couple.\u00a0 They were couples who had been married for a long time, had been married happily, but you were welcomed into the community of married couples.\u00a0 You weren't married and then sent away to be alone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You were welcomed into this fraternity, this sorority, this community, of married couples who gave you the message both practically and verbally \u2013 \"We care for you, and we will care for you.\u00a0 You are now one of us as a married couple, and we will honor you as such.\u00a0 You will sleep in our master bedroom, you will eat at our table,\" and so that would happen for two, three, four, even up to seven days before the honeymoon.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 And it, once again, allowed a young couple to rest up, to prepare for the time away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, if I came to you today and said, \"Option A is you go off to Florida, or you go off to the Pacific Northwest,\" or wherever you want to go for your seven days, and when you come back, we'll kind of have that initiation into the community, or do you start off the way you describe, with a half a dozen days in a different place with a different couple each night, and then you go off on your trip.\u00a0 Which would you pick?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWalt:\u00a0We've mentored couples, young couples, that are nearly weds for two and a half decades.\u00a0 We don't make that decision for them.\u00a0 What we like to do is just talk about the options and begin them talking about and praying about the options of how they can take this special time and, under the Lord's leadership, decide what would be best for us with our gifts and our talents and our interests. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We had a young couple that got married last year that we were mentoring \u2013 they chose to have that time when they came back.\u00a0 Another couple, Patrick and Sally, chose, \"No, we're going to take the first couple of days and stay home.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So it varies from couple to couple.\u00a0 My thing is just start talking about it \u2013 begin that premarital education, that premarital evaluation, that premarital prayer time.\u00a0 It's not just a party that leads to a marriage, it's not just a vacation that leads to a marriage, this is the honeymoon, a holy time, to begin to lay down the cornerstone for a marriage.\u00a0 And I think there's so much that guys and gals can do right in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, the thing that I like about this model you're talking about of starting it out with some older couples spending dinner with them and staying in their homes is you're establishing what looks to me like a mentoring relationship from the very start.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I could imagine what would happen if a young couple stayed at our home like that.\u00a0 Barbara and I would share our story and let them into our lives a little bit, take a peek, and get to know them as well.\u00a0 And, undoubtedly, if you spend some time with three or four of those couples, one of those couples is going click.\u00a0 One of them is going to be kindred spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, personally, Bob, kind of back to your question \u2013 you asked if I had a \"druther\" for my children as they started their marriage, in fact, we recommended it, would be that they establish one of those mentoring relationships as their marriage starts, because the first two years of a marriage, I view as the training grounds for the habits, the structures, the way you argue, the way you resolve or don't resolve your disagreements, your unmet expectations, the way you hammer out your roles, how you handle money, and how you relate to each other.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's the proving grounds, it's where it all moves from, and it's why, personally, all of our children were required to go to one of our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, which is also a premarriage conference that takes place during the same event, and they had to go before they were married, because you have to have the same set of blueprints.\u00a0 You need to know how you're going to handle money and conflict and roles, and that conference gives these young couples those blueprints together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And your point is that, again, a couple needs to be intentional not just about the ceremony but about the marriage that is going to follow the ceremony.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's going to last a whole lot longer than the ceremony will last, but, again, I don't know that I ever thought of the honeymoon as more than a vacation, as you described it \u2013 a vacation to start off your marriage.\u00a0 And I think, Walt, what you've done in your book is help raise our sights on this issue.\u00a0 You've helped couples start to think about the honeymoon as an inaugural event for a lifetime together, and be more intentional and have some planning built into that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 It's called \"The Honeymoon of your Dreams.\"\u00a0 You can go to our website at FamilyLife.com, and if you click the red button that you see that says \"Go\" in the middle of the home page, that will take you to the area of the site where there is more information about Walt's book.\u00a0 There is also information about a book that you and Barbara wrote a few years ago called \"Starting Your Marriage Right,\" that's a great book for couples. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's information about the Weekend to Remember conference where couples can sign up for one of those conferences, and a lot of those going on throughout the fall and cities all across the country, and they're \u2013 oh, you know what?\u00a0 You know what else is on our website?\u00a0 We have information about the brand-new book from you and your wife called \"Moments With You.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is the daily devotional that is a follow-up to the \"Moments Together for Couples\" book you wrote a number of years ago \u2013 365 devotions for couples to do together.\u00a0 It's called \"Moment With You,\" and it is now available in the FamilyLife Resource Center.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Go to our website, FamilyLife.com, click the red button that you see in the middle of the home page that says \"Go,\" and that will take you right to the area of the site where there is information about Walt's book, about \"Starting Your Marriage Right,\" about the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember and about the brand-new book, \"Moments With You,\" and I want to encourage our listeners to get a copy of that book as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can also request copies of these resources by phone.\u00a0 Call 1-800-FLTODAY, 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 The number, again, is 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we'll be happy to make arrangements to get any or all of these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And when you do get in touch with us, someone may ask you if you'd like to make a donation to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 That's because we are listener-supported, and it's those donations that keep FamilyLife Today on the air on this station and on other stations all across the country.\u00a0 And if you are able to help with a donation this month, we have a thank you gift we'd like to send you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's a two-CD set that features Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 Dennis talks to us guys about what we can do as men to mature toward manhood and beyond, to become mentors and patriarchs and pass along a legacy of masculinity to the next generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then Barbara talks to wives about what a wife can do to help her husband be the man that God wants him to be.\u00a0 And, again, these CDs are our way of saying thanks this month for your financial support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 You can make a donation online at FamilyLife.com, and if you do that, you will come to a place on the donation form where you'll see a keycode box. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Just type the word \"steps\" in that box, and we'll know to send you these CDs, or call 1-800-FLTODAY, make your donation over the phone, and just mention that you'd like the CDs from Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 Again, they are our gift to you this month to say thank you for your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, tomorrow we're going to talk more about being intentional about a honeymoon.\u00a0 In fact, we'll hear a great story from Troy and Sarah Groves about their honeymoon and what went wrong.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t________________________________________________________We are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301445","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301445"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301445"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301445"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301445"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}