{"id":301425,"date":"2007-09-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-09-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-school-of-love\/"},"modified":"2007-09-04T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-09-04T15:00:00","slug":"the-school-of-love","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-school-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"The School of Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have you ever thought of your marriage as the &#8220;School of Love&#8221;?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-09-04.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"10.8M","filesize_raw":"11329638","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805],"tags":[4967],"podcast_series":[7538],"cwp_profile":[3158],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301425","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","tag-improving-your-marriage","podcast_series-your-sacred-marriage","cwp_profile-gary-thomas","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301425\/the-school-of-love","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301425\/the-school-of-love","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3b3yLXHD9N\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-school-of-love\/\">The School of Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-school-of-love\/embed\/#?secret=3b3yLXHD9N\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The School of Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3b3yLXHD9N\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Have you ever thought of your marriage as the \"School of Love\"?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-09-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I remember one time dealing with a young man who \u2013 his wife was a little upset with him.\u00a0 She said, \"I don't think you respect me as a woman,\" and he said, \"That's ridiculous, of course, I respect you.\"\u00a0 And I was talking to him, and he said, \"You know, she wants me to go to counseling, but I just don't feel comfortable with that.\"\u00a0 And I asked him, \"Well, why don't you want to go to counseling?\"\u00a0 He said, \"Well, the counselor that she's chosen is a woman, and I'm just not sure I trust her.\"\u00a0 And there was this long pause, and he realized that he had really been caught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, September 4th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 One of the great statements of faith you may ever make in your life is the statement \"I do.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 We are going to talk about marriage and about trust and about how you build that in a marriage relationship.\u00a0 But as we kick things off today, we want to let our listeners know about a special opportunity they have to attend one of our upcoming FamilyLife Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 We are hosting more than 60 of these conferences in cities all across the country this fall, and there is a conference that is coming to a city near where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, you can get all the information about that on our website at FamilyLife.com, but you have a special opportunity this week and next week to register for one of these upcoming conferences at a special FamilyLife Today rate.\u00a0 We're giving our listeners an opportunity to register and save $60 per couple off the regular registration fee if you sign up this week or next week and, in addition to saving some money, we're going to make available to you a copy of the brand-new book by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, which is called \"Moments With You.\"\u00a0 This is the follow-up to the devotional \"Moments Together,\" for couples that you wrote a number of years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's a 365-day devotional for husbands and wives to read through together.\u00a0 It's not even off the press yet, but we're going to make a copy available to any of our listeners who register for an upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference this week or next week.\u00a0 Now, in order to take advantage of the special savings of $60 per couple and to get a copy of the book, you need to register online at FamilyLife.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And as you fill out your registration form, you'll see a keycode box.\u00a0 When you come to that, you need to write the word \"Bob\" in your keycode box, and that way we'll know you're a FamilyLife Today listener, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and say, \"I listen to FamilyLife Today, and I want to register for one of these conferences, and I'd like the book that they were talking about, and we'll take it from there and get you all signed up for a conference coming to a city near where you live.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, again, this week and next week you have an opportunity to save $60 per couple off the regular registration fee for an upcoming conference and to get a copy of the brand-new book, \"Moments With You,\" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 You can register online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Remember to type the word \"Bob\" in the box on the registration form, or call 1-800-FLTODAY and get registered over the phone, and we hope that you'll make plans to attend one of these Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 It will be a fun, romantic getaway for the two of you, and you will learn a lot about marriage.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, as I was thinking about the Weekend to Remember, I was thinking back to when Mary Ann and I had just gotten engaged, and we had the idea that because we were so deeply in love with one another, our marriage was going to be different than the marriages we saw around us.\u00a0 You know, we had heard couples talk about having conflict or about facing challenges in their marriage, and we thought that's just not going to happen for us because we're just so much in love, and that's just going to continue to grow and to grow and to grow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And the question is \u2013 what's going to make you any different?\u00a0 What is there that you're going to do, what information, what knowledge do you have that makes you any smarter than the tens of thousands who have gone before you, many of whom have failed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, and the truth is, we have gone on to love one another more deeply and more profoundly, we've just come to a whole new understanding of what love really means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And you've come to an understanding of how little you knew when you started the journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The same could be true of Barbara and me as well.\u00a0 You know, we have a guest in the studio today, Gary Thomas, who is going to teach us, I think, a great deal today about how to love.\u00a0 Gary is the founder of the Center for Evangelical Spiritually and author of numerous books and articles, and he's written a book called \"Sacred Marriage,\" and, Gary, one of the themes of your book is that we need to learn how to love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, I want to quote someone that you quote in the book.\u00a0 It's a great quote.\u00a0 It reads, \"Love must be learned and learned again and again.\u00a0 There is no end to it.\u00a0 Hate needs no instruction but waits only to be provoked.\"\u00a0 We really do need to learn how to love, don't we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Oh, absolutely, and it's amazing to me \u2013 when I think back \u2013 I was just 22 years old when I got married, and I knew nothing about love much less about how to love a woman who was so different from me in ways I never even considered. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, shortly after we got married, I had one of the biggest tests that a young husband could have.\u00a0 My wife had a birthday.\u00a0 Now, many of the men out there may have realized, like me, that birthdays are a trap, they really are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0First, you have to remember them every year.\u00a0 You know, it's not enough to get five out of seven or even nine out of 10.\u00a0 You know, Ken Griffey, Jr., bats 300.\u00a0 He's a multimillionaire.\u00a0 But we've got to bat 1,000, but the more subtle difficulty was learning to decipher the meaning of, \"Oh, it's no big deal.\u00a0 I don't need anything special.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, I believed her.\u00a0 That was my \u2013 I remember my campus pastor saying, \"Gary, go for the godly one.\"\u00a0 So I got me a godly wife, but he never warned me that godly women can lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It didn't quite come, so it was just a couple of days before her birthday.\u00a0 We'd just been married for a few weeks, and I wasn't feeling that well, so I stopped off in a store and got her the best gift I could imagine \u2013 I got her not one, not two, but three books.\u00a0 Wrapped them up, but a bow on them, and handed them to her with a smile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it's a good thing I was smiling that day, because at least one of us was.\u00a0 I'd learned that getting her books because I like books isn't love, that's hope, and I got those mixed up.\u00a0 Love is finding out what does she really want?\u00a0 It's really entering into her world, and I think it's fair to say most young women don't really know how to love a man when we get married.\u00a0 It's something we have to learn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And you illustrate this in your book beautifully, as you printed an address.\u00a0 In fact, it's a pretty lengthy address, and what I wanted to do was break it into several parts here on the broadcast, and actually have it read.\u00a0 But it's an address given by \u2013 well, why don't you share with our listeners who he is, and why he gave this message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Dr. John Barger [sp] lives in New England, and back in, I believe it was 1987, he gave what I thought was an extraordinary address to a group of men reflecting on an experience he had had with his wife and the lessons he learned from it on how God an use marriage to shape us, to reveal Himself to us, and to teach us how to love Him and to love others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, it really is a classic illustration of how men misunderstand and mis-love their wives and, Bob, I'd like you to read this address, because it really is a profound statement on how we can learn to love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me read the first part of it here.\u00a0 Dr. Barger said, \"It's easy to scorn women, and most men do.\u00a0 We see women as physically weak, easy to intimidate, bound to the menial tasks of motherhood, emotional, illogical, and often petty.\u00a0 Or we see them as temptresses.\u00a0 In desire, we idolize them and parade them across the pages of magazines, yet we scorn and hate them for their commanding sexual power over us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Males' scorn for women affects every aspect of our lives.\u00a0 My relatives grew up on the streets during the Depression, learning early the fury and scorn that characterizes so many people in dire circumstances, drinking heavily and seeing women alternately as sex objects or as servants.\u00a0 As a result, I swaggered through marriage for many years ruling my wife, Susan, and my seven children with an iron hand while citing Scripture as justification for my privileges and authority.\u00a0 After all, Scripture explicitly commands wives to obey their husbands.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Years of dominating my wife and children left them habitually resentful and fearful of me yet unwilling to challenge me because of the fury it might provoke.\u00a0 I alienated Susan and the children and lost their love.\u00a0 By 1983, Susan would have left me if it weren't for the children, and even that bond was losing its force.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Then a number of dramatic events occurred, which wrought a profound change in my moral, psychological, and spiritual life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Bob, before you go on, the thing that hits me about that address, Gary, is it's kind of a naked approach to how men can feel about women.\u00a0 Have you found this to be true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 I think, in many men, there is this love\/hate\/worship\/frustration attitude that we have toward women.\u00a0 They are the fulfillment of all our desires in some ways, and yet because of that, they also can frustrate and anger us accordingly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0One of the things I think marriage teaches us to do, and what I think it has done for me, and what I'm particularly thankful of, is that I've found that my attitude and my actions toward Lisa, my wife, will ultimately reflect on my attitudes toward women, in general.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, I'd imagine some men would listen to Dr. Barger and go, \"Well, I don't feel like that about women.\u00a0 You know, he's kind of an extreme case.\u00a0 Most men aren't like that.\"\u00a0 Do you think he's just being honest about what most of us have as a subtle backdrop in our view of women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0There is a sense that because women do tend to be \u2013 not always \u2013 but, in general, tend to be weaker physically and have some other differences from men that you wouldn't describe as weaker or stronger, but they're differences, that I think the tendency is for me to tend to look down on women.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0At the same time, though, they seem to be almost \u2013 you know, the man pursuing a woman seems to be putting himself under her almost in a worshipful way.\u00a0 And so you really have this dichotomy of men trying to grapple with \u2013 \"Man, this woman has such a pull on me,\" and yet this attitude that can sometimes border on disdain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And what am I to do with that?\u00a0 What am I to do with her?\u00a0 How am I to respond to my wife?\u00a0 How am I to love her, especially in the face of the Scripture, which commands me to love my wife as Christ loved the church?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it's interesting, when I looked at Barbara deeply in her eyes and asked her to marry me and thought about how sweet she was and how great I felt in her presence, if you had told me at that moment that we could have ever had an argument where white-hot anger would have burned within my heart, I would have probably said that will never happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, that could happen between me and my brother, because we grew up together, but this is the woman I love, and yet, in marriage, where you live out daily existence, hour after hour, at such close proximity, there will be those moments when there will be not merely a dislike but an anger that can rise up that frightens you, and, as a man, you have to know what do I do with that?\u00a0 And you have to, I believe, fall on your knees before God and say, \"God, I need you to instruct me and put the right kind of love in my heart, because I don't know how to love as a young man right now.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Dr. Barger said that it was a series of dramatic events that dislodged some of this thinking in his own mind, helped reveal some of this latent view that he had of scorn for women.\u00a0 And the first of those events was when his wife, Susan, had a difficult pregnancy that ended with the placenta being torn loose.\u00a0 She started to hemorrhage, and the baby was stillborn, and Dr. Barger went on to describe what happened further.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He said, \"At 2 in the morning, in a stark, bright hospital delivery room, I held in my left hand, a tiny, lifeless son, and I stared in disbelief at his death.\u00a0 I had the power to make my family's lives worse by raging against my baby's death and my wife's lack of love or to make their lives better by learning to love them properly.\u00a0 I had to choose.\u00a0 And it was a clear choice presented in an instant as I stared at my tiny, helpless stillborn infant cradled in my hand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In that critical instant, with God's grace, I chose the arduous, undramatic, discouraging path of trying to be good.\u00a0 I didn't have time to tell you of all the afflictions we endured in the next four years \u2013 sick children, my mother's sudden death, my losing my job as a teacher, three more miscarriages.\u00a0 In the midst of these many afflictions, I found that the only way I could learn to love and to cease being a cause of pain was to suffer, endure, and strive every minute to repudiate my anger, my resentment, my scorn, my jealousy, my lust, my pride, and my dozens of other vices.\u00a0 For the important thing now was not to be right or well thought of, but to love.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, as I listen to this again, Gary, I can't help but think of a group of men listening to an address like this sitting there stunned because we, as men, somehow in our macho view of manhood, don't want to be known as great lovers, at least in the sense of being a deep, profound lover of our wives but rather in control, strong, masculine, and the very thing he's talking about here flies in the face of that.\u00a0 It's humility, it's a sense of brokenness, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Absolutely, and I think even in the Christian environment, we can reinforce that.\u00a0 The Christians that we exalt and that we lift up are the accomplishers, the movers, the shakers, the big ministries that they've found, the books they sell, or the audience that they have, what it comes down to, though, I think authentic spiritually, true faith is shown in has this man known how to love his wife?\u00a0 How does this man treat his kids?\u00a0 How does this man treat his co-workers and those who are with him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think it is how we love people that really shows how well we love God.\u00a0 John says it very clearly in 1 John 4:20-21, \"If anyone says I love God yet hates his brother,\" and we could put here wife, husband, mother, father, anybody, \"he is a liar, for anyone who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God, whom he has not seen, and he has given us this command, whoever loves God must also love his brother.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so God Himself connects our love with Him with loving others.\u00a0 He says, \"You can't love me if you don't learn to love others.\"\u00a0 And this emphasis on spiritually today, I think the authenticity of that spiritually will be seen in \u2013 does this make me a better husband?\u00a0 Does this make me a more attentive wife?\u00a0 Does this make me a person who is known for loving others?\u00a0 If it doesn't, I don't think it's true spiritually, I think it's ambition.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, in the midst of these difficulties, Dr. Barger saw the issue clearly and, in fact, he went on in his address to say, \"I had made myself the center of attention for too many years, and, as a result, I said little now about my own labors and sorrows.\u00a0 I sought instead to know Susan's and to help her bear them.\u00a0 And, frankly, once I started listening to Susan, once I really began hearing her and drawing her out, I was startled at how many and how deep were her wounds and her sorrows.\u00a0 Most were not sorrows unique to Susan, they were sorrows that we all feel; sorrows that arise from the particular physiology of women from their vocations as mothers, which gives them heavy duties and responsibilities while leaving them almost totally dependent on men for their material well being and their spiritual support.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sorrows that arise from loving their husbands and children intensely but not being able to keep harm from those they love.\u00a0 Women suffer these wounds far more often and with a great intensity than most of us men every realize, and unless we ask them, women generally do not speak to us of these sorrows, perhaps because we men so often dismiss their troubles as insignificant or write off women themselves as simply weak and whiney.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0One of my friends, when confronted at the end of his long workday with his wife's complaints about the noise, the troubles, and the unending housework snapped back at her in exasperation, 'Well, what do you want me to?\u00a0 Stay at home and do the housework while you go off to the office?'\u00a0 You understand his point.\u00a0 He couldn't solve her problems.\u00a0 What did she want him to do?\u00a0 I'll tell you.\u00a0 She wanted him to listen, to understand, and to sympathize.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0She wanted him to let her know that despite her problems, her exhaustion, her dishevelment, he loved her; to let her know that it caused him sorry that we was suffering, and that if it were possible, he would change it for her.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, that last paragraph, Bob, is so profound, you can almost sense women in our audience who are listening right now who, all in unison, are nodding their heads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You've seen it when you read this publicly, women do nod their heads, don't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It is what a woman wants to know from her man, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0He may not be able to remove all the obstacles in her life, but he's there with her.\u00a0 He cares that she's going through these obstacles.\u00a0 He has an interest in what she faces at home; that he does have some interest in the fact that she just cleaned the floors, and somebody spilled applesauce on them and walked through them in their little two-year-old bare feet and tramped over all of her completely clean floors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0That basically he gives a rip that there's somebody that understands what she's going through and, I think, appreciates what she's going through.\u00a0 And then I would say, what I often hear, then, from men, too, for women who are hearing this is that men often want to hear the same thing.\u00a0 I don't mind working 40 hours a week if I have to, to support you, in fact, I don't mind working 50 or 60 hours if I have to, but occasionally can you say, \"You know what?\u00a0 I understand it must be tough.\u00a0 I understand you may want to go out and play golf today or go out and fish or go out and hunt, but I appreciate the fact that you work hard, that you support us.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think, as men and as women, we just want somebody to say, \"I can't change your situation, but I'm there with you, I appreciate you for being there, and I want to be a part of it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Gary, I've heard you talk about a husband who will step out of a relationship, who will abandon his wife and will say, in the process, \"I just don't love you anymore.\"\u00a0 When a husband says that, he is not so much talking about his wife's failure to attract him, it's really more of a statement on his part that he is failing as a husband, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0It is, and what they'll say to be cruel goes something like this \u2013 \"The fact is, I've never loved you,\" and they're trying to take away everything that they have shared with that woman.\u00a0 The woman finds it as devastating and, of course, it would be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I would say look behind that statement.\u00a0 Jesus says that we're to love everyone, even our enemies.\u00a0 So when a man says to a woman, \"I've never loved you,\" what he is saying is \"I have never acted like a Christian.\"\u00a0 Love is an obligation that God calls us to have toward our wives.\u00a0 It is our duty; it is our calling as Christian men.\u00a0 So to say \"I've never loved you,\" is an utter statement of failure.\u00a0 Even though it's received as an attack by women, and understandably so \u2013 I think, even more than that, it's a self-indictment that the man has failed in what he's called to do as a Christian husband, and that is learn how to love this woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, it's back to the subtitle of your book, which is that marriage is about making us holy instead of making us happy, and when a husband says that, he's saying, \"I'm opting for happy instead of holy.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, we've got copies of your book in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 I want to encourage listeners to get a copy.\u00a0 The book is called \"Sacred Marriage.\"\u00a0 Go to our website, FamilyLife.com, you can click on the red \"Go\" button that you see in the middle of the screen, and that will take you to the area of the site where there is more information about Gary's book.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can order it from us online, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY to request a copy.\u00a0 Again, the Web address is FamilyLife.com, click the red \"Go\" button you see in the middle of the screen, or call 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we'll make arrangements to get a copy of Gary's book sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let me also remind you that FamilyLife Today listeners have an opportunity to register for one of our upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences this fall at a reduced rate.\u00a0 This week and next week you can save $60 per couple off the regular registration fee so you can attend one of these two-and-a-half-day weekend getaways in a city near you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We have more than 60 of these conferences scheduled this fall.\u00a0 You can go to our website for information about where and when the conferences are going to be held.\u00a0 You can also call 1-800-FLTODAY for more information about upcoming conferences, and if you register this week or next week, again, you'll save $60 per couple off the regular registration fee if you identify yourself as a FamilyLife Today listener.\u00a0 And you do that online by writing the word \"Bob,\" my name, just write \"Bob\" in the keycode box on your registration form, and we'll make the adjustment to your rate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Or call 1-800-FLTODAY and mention that you're a FamilyLife Today listener, and you want to take advantage of the special rate, and we'll take it from there.\u00a0 In addition, we're going to make available to you a copy of the brand-new book by Dennis and Barbara Rainey, which is called \"Moments With You.\"\u00a0 This is a sequel to their bestselling book, \"Moments Together for Couples.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's not even out in stores yet, but we'll make arrangements to get you a copy when you register for one of the upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, either online at FamilyLife.com or by calling 1-800-FLTODAY, and you'll have a great weekend getaway, you'll have a great new book that the two of you can read through together following the conference.\u00a0 But to take advantage of this special offer, you need to register before midnight on Sunday, September 16th.\u00a0 So, again, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, or call us at 1-800-FLTODAY and plan to attend one of these upcoming Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we are going to talk about the importance of respect and honor in a marriage relationship, and Gary Thomas is going to be back with us, I hope you can be as well.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301425","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301425"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301425"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301425"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301425"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301425"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301425"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301425"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}