{"id":301413,"date":"2007-08-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-08-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/which-is-better-time-or-stuff\/"},"modified":"2007-08-03T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-08-03T15:00:00","slug":"which-is-better-time-or-stuff","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/which-is-better-time-or-stuff\/","title":{"rendered":"Which is Better&#8211;Time or Stuff?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What do you remember about your childhood?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-08-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"13.6M","filesize_raw":"14258722","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2891,2855],"tags":[4862,4965],"podcast_series":[7531],"cwp_profile":[3373],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301413","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-making-memories","category-teens","tag-contentment","tag-materialism","podcast_series-not-so-stupid-parents","cwp_profile-michael-and-hayley-dimarco","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301413\/which-is-better-time-or-stuff","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301413\/which-is-better-time-or-stuff","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ngwD8jwIfU\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/which-is-better-time-or-stuff\/\">Which is Better&#8211;Time or Stuff?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/which-is-better-time-or-stuff\/embed\/#?secret=ngwD8jwIfU\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Which is Better&#8211;Time or Stuff?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ngwD8jwIfU\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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and say, \"I care about you, and I love you, and I want this in our relationship,\" if you haven't been acting like that, by giving them time, by listening to their mundane stories, by driving them, maybe, where they need to go, by just being there, then it's going to be a lot harder when it comes time for you wanting more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, August 3rd.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 When was the last time you had some just \"being there\" time with your teenager?\u00a0 We'll talk today about why that really matters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Friday edition.\u00a0 You know, we've been talking this week about parents having the right balance between authority and relationship, and I'm thinking about parents who are going through their own personal traumas or crises, and sometimes, Dennis, those parents don't have the emotional equity, the bank, to be much of anything with their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It may be a relationship between mom and dad that's not going well, it can be job-related stuff or whatever.\u00a0 All of a sudden, the child is just relegated to no man's land.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, Barbara and I were talking about this just this week.\u00a0 There is a lot of pain in our country.\u00a0 I mean, all these families, the one next door, the apartment complex, perhaps, that you live in \u2013 all these families that look so well-scrubbed and clean, and life is happy, and everybody is working, and everybody is smiling.\u00a0 There's a lot of broken people experiencing hurt and pain, and it's draining, and in the process of being drained, God has given us the responsibility, as parents, to be able to raise and love and lead and guide and shape the conscience and character of the next generation of teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'm just thrilled for different members of the body of Christ who have gifts and abilities and insight who can come alongside us from time to time and help us.\u00a0 Hayley and Michael DiMarco have joined us all this week, and we sure appreciate you guys and your ministry at Hungry Planet to the next generation of young people but also to this generation of parents.\u00a0 Thanks for being on the broadcast, you guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0It's a lot of fun to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0You bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0They've written a couple of books \u2013 one for teenagers called \"Stupid Parents,\" the other one for the parents of the teenagers called \"Not-So-Stupid Parents,\" and if there's too much stupidity in all that for you, hang on, because we're going to have some explanation here what it all means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Hayley, you talk about materialistic parents being stupid in terms of raising their children.\u00a0 I mean, we've got the situation that Bob's talking about, parents filled with pain.\u00a0 Sometimes they mask the pain with material possessions and, in the process, miss their kids totally, don't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, yeah, there's an interesting point when you think parents want to provide everything for their kids.\u00a0 Most parents want their kids to have what they didn't have, and so I think it usually springs out of this desire to work as much as you can to give your kids what they need and what they want.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so a lot of parents you find are working just horrible hours \u2013 working, working, working.\u00a0 You have both parents gone, and they have a wonderful home, they have great cars and good furniture, but the thing to remember is when you're talking to anybody, really, adults as well as teens, what are the things that you remember about your childhood?\u00a0 Is it when your parents got a new SUV or that new couch they got?\u00a0 It was so much better than the old couch \u2013 or the new kitchen that your parents put in?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0That's really not what kids are thinking about.\u00a0 That's not the memories that they love, that's not what provides for them, really, the stuff that they need in life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When parents are obsessed about buying things for their kids, they might think they're providing for them, but they really are missing the mark and becoming stupid parents in the eyes of their kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You talk in your book about a season in your family, when you were growing up, when your parents didn't have the emotional equity in the bank.\u00a0 Reflect on that from a teenager's perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, divorced is probably one of the hardest things that any child will have to go through.\u00a0 It will color the rest of their lives, and that's what it ultimately did to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My parents got divorced when I was about 12, and at that point a couple of things happened.\u00a0 I felt like I was getting divorced as well.\u00a0 My father was gone, and he was leaving me, which is a tragedy for any child to have to live with, but the other thing that tends to happen is that my mom became a best-friend parent, which meant that I was her best friend, because she needed somebody, and when she started crying, because she was so devastated, I was the shoulder that she cried on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0At that point, I made the decision, I remember the strangest thing, I thought, I thought, \"Well, I'm the man now, so I'll be changing the light bulbs, doing the plumbing.\"\u00a0 A stupid thing like that \u2013 I thought \u2013 that's what I thought, the first thing I thought.\u00a0 But that's the practical outcome of me thinking my mom's not able to parent any longer, my dad's gone, so I've got \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There's a void here, I've got to fill it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Mm-hm, mm-hm, and it colored the rest of my life for at least 20 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, in fact, in your book to teenagers, \"Stupid Parents,\" I want to read what you wrote about your relationship with your mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"I know, for me, that's totally how it went.\u00a0 My mom and I were best buds.\u00a0 I didn't have to do anything around the house that a normal kid did.\u00a0 I didn't have chores, didn't have to cook, do dishes, even clean up my room if I didn't want to.\u00a0 I know it sounds dreamy, huh?\u00a0 But wait, there's more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We talked about everything together.\u00a0 She knew all of the stuff that was going on in my life, and I knew all the stuff that was going on in hers, and that was great.\u00a0 I really do have good memories of growing up, but there are a few negative things that can come, and, for me, it did come out of the kind of parent-child relationship that I had with my mom.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Is that healthy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0No.\u00a0 My mom is awesome, and so I would hate \u2013 and I don't want to criticize any women that have to go through this, because there are a lot of women that are doing their best that they can after a divorce, and we had a very close relationship as far as our bank account with one another.\u00a0 We really were full.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I know that one of the things that I actually didn't consider until I got older was, if you had asked me, \"Do I feel safe in this home?\"\u00a0 I would have probably said, \"No.\"\u00a0 Because I was a teenager trying to figure out how to run a household, trying to figure how to run my life, because I didn't really have anybody that really knew that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And trying to help your mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, and trying to help my mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0With her life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 And that's, I don't think, anything that any teenager should have to go through.\u00a0 We're not programmed for that at that age, and it colors the rest of your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you understand how a parent, going through the split-up of a family, can come to the children and hang onto the relationship.\u00a0 You've just lost the most significant relationship of your life, perhaps, and now you're looking to make sure that the other ones get shored up, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you let kids off the hook in terms of chores because you think they've been through enough, they shouldn't have to be saddled with chores and cooking and keeping their room clean as if that's a punishment as opposed to a healthy discipline.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Our life lessons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0For those children.\u00a0 So your mom was responding as most people will respond in those kinds of circumstances.\u00a0 She just hadn't stopped to pull back and consider the full impact, and you said it impacted you for the next 20 years.\u00a0 If you had to pick the dominant impact that it had on your life, I know what I think you're going to say, but you say it, and I'll tell you if I was right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0I think one of the biggest mistakes that my mom and her family made after the divorce was to tell me everything that my dad did wrong \u2013 to vilify my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, my dad did do a lot wrong, and it was his fault, but I didn't need to know, as a young person, everything my dad did \u2013 his sexual exploits when he wasn't there, the things that he did wrong, I didn't need to know the laundry list of it, but I heard it all.\u00a0 And that imprinted on my brain to the extent that I didn't trust men, I became the man, essentially.\u00a0 I knew everything, I could handle everything, I took care of everything, managed my life.\u00a0 When I dated men, they would say, \"Why do you act like the man?\u00a0 I feel like the woman in this relationship.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's because that's what I told myself I was going to do.\u00a0 I made a promise to myself that I was going to be the man.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I was guessing that a difficulty trusting men, knowing not only when your mom and dad got a divorce but also when you got married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's right, I put it off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Bingo, you know, you put it all together, and you say, \"That's a part of the mark that gets left on the soul of a little girl.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0And there's not a lot that you can do.\u00a0 There's always going to be a mark in divorce.\u00a0 There's no such thing as the perfect divorce.\u00a0 We can't heal that wound.\u00a0 But there are some things that I talk about in \"Stupid Parents,\" and \"Not-So-Stupid Parents,\" that you can do to try and, at least, not make it as black and bloody and bruised as the mark could be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Such as?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, like I had mentioned about my mom \u2013 you can't vilify the other person in the marriage and certainly don't ever, ever, even in a moment of anger, say it was the kids' fault.\u00a0 You know, \"He left because you were too hard to handle.\"\u00a0 That will damage a child for life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, they're already thinking \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0They're already thinking that, and then you're confirming it, and it's very difficult to erase it.\u00a0 Only Christ can erase that kind of an imprint in your child's mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But it's important, I think, for parents to stay close to one another in proximity.\u00a0 If you're divorced, and you want to move as far away as you can from that, your ex, that's devastating to the child, because now they're not going to be able to see the other parent as much, and it just ruins that relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0The one thing that we constantly hear is \"My parents tell me that this is a good thing, that it's for the best,\" but the teenager \u2013 and I think all children \u2013 inherently know that this is a really terrible thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There is something wrong here, uh-huh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And when parents, especially to teenagers that have the mental capacity to realize the negative impact that divorce brings \u2013 when parents tell teenagers, you know, \"No, this is really going to be a good thing, it's going to be healthier,\" the parent loses the ability to be trusted by the teen, because the teen knows inherently that that's not true, and they're looking for authenticity.\u00a0 They're looking for the tough, dirty truth that this is going to be hard, but we're going to make it through it, and you still have two parents that love you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What you're saying is your books are about stupid parents, but there's something that is even more stupid called stupid divorce.\u00a0 And because the kids see through it, and they don't see it as being something good that delivers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0They see it as something extremely selfish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0But oftentimes, I think, in the vernacular of the parent, when they talk with their friends, when they even talk with certain counselors, they say, \"Well, it's just not healthy for the kids to live in this kind of environment.\u00a0 We're fighting, we're arguing.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My answer, if you're going through that right now, and you think, \"I've just got to get divorced to protect my kids and myself\" \u2013 outside of abuse \u2013 if you're saying that, you're lying to yourself.\u00a0 What you really need to do is fix that and don't go the route of a divorce.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Are you about the same age today that your mom was when your mom and dad got a divorce?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Yeah, I think so.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, so let's imagine you and your mom are peers right now, and your mom comes to you and tells you today all of the stuff that was going on with your dad \u2013 here is my circumstance, here is my situation, \"Hayley, I don't see any way out other than a divorce.\"\u00a0 Knowing what you know about all of that circumstance, what are you going to say to your mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, the first thing I'm going to say is, \"As soon as you had a child, every decision you make not only affects you, but it affects them, and you no longer have the right to be self-obsessed.\u00a0 You no longer have the right to self-protect.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I mean, I could go into any number of sections of Scripture and find a void of caring for yourself and being so preoccupied with yourself that you can't \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's not a central them of the Scriptures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0No, and self-protection is not.\u00a0 What is is loving those who hate you; what is, is turning the other cheek; what is, is forgiveness.\u00a0 Now, certainly, there is a sin that is grounds for divorce, and that is if somebody commits adultery in their relationship, but that's what happened in my parents' relationship and just because that happened did not make it easier for me in the divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I would counsel her to stick it out and to figure out what she needed to do to improve the relationship, because in every book that I write for teenagers and adults, we cannot change other people.\u00a0 We don't have the power to change other people and that's, a lot of times, what we want to do in our relationships.\u00a0 What we have to do is focus on changing ourselves.\u00a0 It takes two, when there's a divorce impending, it always takes two, and we have to look at ourselves.\u00a0 If the other person is not willing, you've got to look at yourself and figure out what you can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And if she said, \"You just don't know the pain I'm going through, I can't take it, I don't have the energy, I'd just rather die,\" you'd say, \"Tough it out.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, I don't know if I'd put it like that, but I would certainly dive into God's Word and begin to find out the answers to that, \"I think I'm going to die.\"\u00a0 Because He never said it was going to be easy in this life.\u00a0 In fact, He said we would encounter much difficulty, but it's through that difficulty that we're sanctified.\u00a0 It's through that difficulty that we draw closer to God.\u00a0 It's through that difficulty that we end up on our knees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, without that, we don't need Him, do we?\u00a0 We kind of ignore Him.\u00a0 We go along in our lives; when the pain hits, that's when we hit our knees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And I'm just glad to hear you saying that, because what we've sought to do here on FamilyLife Today is create a counter-cultural revolution.\u00a0 Divorce has so infiltrated the Christian community today that every time we talk about divorce here on the broadcast or at our conferences or on our website, FamilyLife.com, in our literature that we create, I always want to make sure we're communicating.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know what?\u00a0 We love the people who have been divorced, because we have a generation coming out of divorce \u2013 kids who grew up in homes like you did who are adult children of divorce, who have experienced it, and then a generation who have divorced and who are living with the regret of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But God has called us to be counter-cultural.\u00a0 He has called us not to be conformed to the world.\u00a0 He has called us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, and that comes from the Scripture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It was interesting, Hayley, what you said and what you challenged people to do was to counsel them according to the Word.\u00a0 It's so easy in the Christian community to come alongside a family member, an associate at work, a neighbor, somebody even at church and tell them what they want to hear, which is \"Toss the towel in.\u00a0 Go ahead and divorce him.\u00a0 Yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense to stay in that marriage.\u00a0 It's a dead marriage.\u00a0 Why try to revive it?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0They're coming to our Weekend to Remember conferences by the thousands.\u00a0 We read the comments, and it's amazing.\u00a0 I read one the other day, a couple said, \"We decided to stick it out.\u00a0 We couldn't believe our marriage of only 14 months was nearly over.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is virtually nothing in this culture calling people to stay together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0The popular wisdom and, I hate to use the \"W\" word in this case, but the popular wisdom and pop psychology says, \"Well, you've got to take care of yourself.\"\u00a0 Well, this isn't healthy for yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I've, I think, talked about before \u2013 I was married when I was in my early 20s, and it lasted two years, and one of the first things that I told Hayley when we started dating was that getting a divorce was the worst mistake of my life, and as you all know, I've had a lot of big mistakes in my life.\u00a0 But, for Hayley to hear that from me, saying that that was the worst mistake of my life not because I pine for an old relationship but because I broke that covenant and because that was a picture of Christ's relationship with the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I felt it was important for Hayley to understand that that was a huge mistake and that I understand what marriage is and what that commitment means; that it's not about me being happy or \u2013 which I am \u2013 I'm terribly happy, I'm looking at my wife in the eyes, I'm terribly happy, but it's not about my happiness, it's about modeling Christ's love for the church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Now, if you're in a relationship, and you think you just can't handle it anymore, I want you to look at Christ's life and consider how he handles the same kind of torture and pain that He went through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It says in 1 Peter 2:22 that \"when they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate.\u00a0 When he suffered, he made no threats.\u00a0 Instead he entrusted himself to Him who judges justly.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you're in this kind of scenario, you need to learn to entrust yourself to Him who judges justly, and He will bring you through this.\u00a0 It might not be in the way you want it to be, but it will be in a glorious, glorious way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And it's interesting that right after that passage in 1 Peter 2, the next thing he talks about is marriage \u2013 the relationship between a husband and a wife.\u00a0 It's kind of like they go together, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And to that person who is facing that right now where this is not theory, He's alive.\u00a0 He's alive.\u00a0 The tomb is empty, Jesus Christ is not a mythical figure in history.\u00a0 He's alive, He can hear your prayer, He can meet you where you are, and He may not raise that dead marriage back to life again, but you know what?\u00a0 He'll meet you and He'll help you grow in faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I just encourage you, if that's you, what Hayley was talking about, is where you are, right now, slip to your knees and commit your marriage and family to Christ and ask Him to become the builder of that marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Hayley, Michael, I just want to thank you guys for your ministry, for being here on the broadcast and just for what you just did \u2013 pointing people to the Savior, because that's what we're about here on FamilyLife Today and, frankly, having just traveled the past year to South Africa, coming back from seeing some very needy people, coming back to a country of needy people, I don't know where the hope is if it isn't Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm thinking about back when you started in ministry working with high school students and quickly realized that the marriage and the family are foundational to what goes on in the life of a teenager, and that's really when God started to move you in the direction of helping to start the ministry of FamilyLife and start reaching out to couples on the marriage relationship.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0That's when our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference was first launched because the foundation of a home is the marriage relationship.\u00a0 And over the last three decades we have had hundreds of thousands of couples who have taken a weekend for a marital tuneup.\u00a0 For some of them, it's been more than a tuneup, it's been a complete overhaul of a marriage that was in trouble.\u00a0 But for a lot of couples it's just that wheel alignment that every marriage needs from time to time that gets them back on the road and running smoothly as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This fall we'll be holding conferences in cities all across the country, and if our listeners are interested in attending one of those conferences, now would be a good time to go to the website, FamilyLife.com, and check out information about where the conference is going to be held, when it's coming to a city near where you life and go ahead and block that weekend out on your calendar and make plans to attend one of our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 Again, there is information on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You can also call us at 1-800-FLTODAY for more information and, of course, we've got copies of the books we've been talking about today available at FamilyLife.com as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You go to our website and click the red button that says \"Go,\" what you see in the middle of the screen, and that will take you to the area of the site where you can get more information about the book, \"Stupid Parents,\" and the book, \"Not-So-Stupid Parents.\"\u00a0 One is for teenagers, and the other is for parents, and I think you can figure out from the title, which is for which.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, the information is on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You can also call us at 1-800-FLTODAY for more information about these resources.\u00a0 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you hear somebody talk about friendly competition, you probably think of athletics, whether it's a softball game or a pickup basketball game or something where folks are just kind of out having a good time but competing, challenging one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, we have a little friendly competition taking place here at FamilyLife during the month of August.\u00a0 We have our 2007 Challenge Fund going on during the month of August, and we've been hearing from listeners all through the summer who have been contacting us not just to make a donation to the ministry of FamilyLife Today but to engage in a little friendly competition \u2013 to issue a challenge to folks who are like them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, for example, we get folks in different parts of the country \u2013 like, we heard from a listener in Chicago who called and said, \"I want to challenge other listeners in Chicago to make a donation to FamilyLife Today,\" or it might be a mom whose got seven kids who wants to challenge other parents of seven to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This Challenge Fund comes at a critical time for us here at FamilyLife because August is the end of summertime, but it's also the end of our fiscal year, and for us to end our fiscal year in a good place financially, we need to hear from as many listeners as we can during the month of August.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So we want to ask you not just to make a donation this month but also to issue a challenge to folks in your profession or folks who share your hobby or folks who have benefited from the ministry of FamilyLife Today the way you've benefited from the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can make your donation and issue your challenge online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Click the box that says \"Donate\" on the left, and that will take you to the form you fill out, and there is a space there for your challenge to be entered.\u00a0 You could also call 1-800-FLTODAY, make a challenge over the phone along with your donation, and we want to say thanks for your partnership with us, and we hope others like you will join with you in helping to support the ministry during the month of August.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, with that, we've got to wrap things up for today.\u00a0 I hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we're going to hear about what God is doing all around the world as churches are reaching out to open children's homes in different parts of the world.\u00a0 Troy Wiseman is going to be here with us, and he has a goal to see a children's home a day being opened up in countries all around the world, and we're going to talk about how that can happen on Monday's program.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301413","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301413"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301413"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301413"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301413"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301413"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301413"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301413"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}