{"id":301412,"date":"2007-08-02T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-08-02T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-every-teenager-needs\/"},"modified":"2007-08-02T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-08-02T15:00:00","slug":"what-every-teenager-needs","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-every-teenager-needs\/","title":{"rendered":"What Every Teenager Needs"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Michael and Hayley DiMarco about the very real needs of the typical teenager.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-08-02.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"10.39M","filesize_raw":"10895972","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855],"tags":[4719],"podcast_series":[7531],"cwp_profile":[3373],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301412","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","tag-teenagers","podcast_series-not-so-stupid-parents","cwp_profile-michael-and-hayley-dimarco","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301412\/what-every-teenager-needs","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301412\/what-every-teenager-needs","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"pcoVfMuK7V\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-every-teenager-needs\/\">What Every Teenager Needs<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-every-teenager-needs\/embed\/#?secret=pcoVfMuK7V\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What Every Teenager Needs&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"pcoVfMuK7V\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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teenager.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-08-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Bob Dylan sings \"The Times They are a-Changing\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 You know, I hear that, and I think I was almost a teenager when that song was written and when it was first being sung, and it sounds different when you're a teenager than it does when you're a parent, and you've got teenagers of your own at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, Bob, what you're talking about there, I think, ultimately spawned a cultural revolution that parents did not anticipate and, frankly, have been playing defense about ever since.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, we haven't recovered from it yet, have we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I don't, I think that put parents with their backs against the goal line, against a generation, and we not only grew up out of that, many of us, to become parents, but we didn't become astute as to what took place and as a result of that we didn't say, \"You know what?\u00a0 I'm going to become a counter-cultural, biblical parent,\" and in the process of becoming a biblical parent, you go across the grain of the culture, and you do understand the need for children today to have parents who are authorities worthy of respect, worthy of honor, who have a relationship with their children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We have a couple with us who give leadership to a ministry called Hungry Planet \u2013 Michael and Hayley DiMarco.\u00a0 Michael is the CEO, and Hayley is the Chief Creative Officer, and together they are a pair of barnstorming, creative, edgy authors and speakers helping teenagers and parents know how to cope with one another.\u00a0 Welcome back to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0How's that for an \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0You left out \"janitor\" in my title.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, well, I understand how that works.\u00a0 They've written two books.\u00a0 One to teenagers called \"Stupid Parents.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I just wonder here, did you even think about dorky parents instead of stupid parents as a title?\u00a0 Did you play with that as a concept?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0No, because there are so many things that parents do wrong, in their teens' eyes, that are so far from dorky.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, I'm just looking at the picture on the cover.\u00a0 I'm going, \"That's dorky if I've ever seen it right there, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The other book is for parents, and it's entitled, \"Not-So-Stupid Parents.\"\u00a0 Both are pretty edgy, and we talked earlier, Hayley, just about what parents do that causes them to be stupid in their children's eyes.\u00a0 One of the things I really like about your book to the teens is you have this voice in here of this person who is offering advice, and I'm trying to find him here in your book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Mr. Obvious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Mr. Obvious, that's it.\u00a0 Mr. Obvious is constantly \u2013 you could kind of feel him, as you go through the book \u2013 and I\u2019m not a teenager, obviously, but it's kind of like, now that's pretty cool.\u00a0 Because Mr. Obvious steps into the book, he puts his arm around the teenager, and he goes, \"Let me tell you how you can help your parents no longer nag you about the chores.\"\u00a0 And he almost sounds a little bit like \"Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood.\"\u00a0 You know, he has a calming effect on the teenager \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0With a hint of sarcasm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Slight hint.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0A little edge to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Are you finding that Mr. Obvious is affecting any change in teenagers around the country?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, yes, at least I can make them laugh in the midst of their crying over what their parents are doing to them in their lives.\u00a0 But, yeah, that's one of the beauties of these books is I think that they're blatantly obvious.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0A lot of people aren't saying the obvious, so if your parents are nagging you, as I'm talking to the teenager, about not getting something done because they've been asking you forever, then just do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're really assuming, with both of these books, that you've got a situation where a mom and a dad or maybe it's a stepmom, stepdad, or maybe it's a single parent, and a teenager or some teenagers, there's just \u2013 communication has shut down, and they're not getting along, and they're not seeing eye-to-eye.\u00a0 These books are designed for when that's the situation at home, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, right, and in all varying degrees.\u00a0 It might be they're ready to run away, or it just might be that they're not cleaning up their room.\u00a0 You know, all of it can be a problem for parents, so yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But you're trying to give teenagers and parents a common language where they can begin to talk with one another so they can connect with each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, Bob, didn't Forrest Gump say something about stupidity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0[as Forrest Gump] Stupid is as stupid does?\u00a0 Something like that, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, Mr. Obvious sounds a little bit like Forrest Gump when he says, \"Stupidity is a forgivable offense.\"\u00a0 That's a good word.\u00a0 And you say that to teenagers to help them remember that a parent can make a mistake, a parent can appear stupid, but you have a responsibility to forgive them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, that's what you hear a lot from teenagers is \"I just can't forgive them for what they did.\u00a0 I can't forgive them that they wouldn't let me go there or that they didn't understand why I needed this or that they wouldn't listen to me when I was emotionally hurt.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's a lot of things that parents can do that are stupid, but if the teenager can't get beyond it and forgive them, then they're going to continue to just live under that horrible agony of whatever the parent did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And the other thing is, in the book for adults, Hayley communicates to the parent that while stupidity is a forgivable offense, it also can be a fence in between communicating with your teen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It can be something that we ought to learn how to correct so that we can have a closer relationship with a teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Speaking of relationships, Hayley, you talk about the number-one complaint that teens have when it comes to communicating with their parents.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0I think that probably their number-one complaint, which might, at first blush, not seem to relate to communicating, but it does \u2013 is time; is getting their attention. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When it comes to communicating, you can't just determine that, out of the blue, after not talking to your child for perhaps a week because you haven't run into each other, that you're going to ask them about an\u00a0 important relationship in their life, and that they're going to be transparent about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Or \u2013 or \u2013 you can't just decide, \"Sit down, son, I'm going to give you a lesson and lecture 334 in my series that I'm going to give you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, and expect that they're going to listen or even respect you for what you're saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0They're very insightful as to who you are, as an adult, and they want you to practice what you're preaching.\u00a0 If you come at them and say, \"I care about, and I love you, and I want this in our relationship,\" if you haven't been acting like that by giving them time, by listening to their mundane stories by driving them maybe where they need to go, by just being there in the house when they're in the house, then it's going to be a lot harder when it comes time for you wanting more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you remember, there was a TV campaign \u2013 commercials \u2013 I think they were public service commercials to try to promote parents being more involved so kids don't get involved with drugs.\u00a0 And these commercials were slice-of-life commercials, where the teenager is getting ready to leave the house, and the moms goes, \"Hang on, where are you going?\"\u00a0 And the teenager is rolling her eyes and going \"Unhhhhh,\" you know, and every parent has been there where you're with your child, and you're asking questions, and they're going, \"Just leave me alone, don't you trust me?\"\u00a0 And all of these kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The whole gist of this campaign about keeping your kids off drugs was press in, be there, ask the questions, and don't worry if your child acts annoyed.\u00a0 That doesn't mean be annoying, it just means stay with it and don't back down as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0There's one little footnote in the job description of being a parent that does involve some stupidity, at least in the teen's eyes, and it's those moments where the parent does press in and does ask what seems to be the obvious questions or the interfering or embarrassing questions but that keeps them the parent instead of just the landlord or the laundry service.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, and I want to encourage parents \u2013 endure the stupidity.\u00a0 Go ahead and play the card because you've got to insert yourself into your child's life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What you can't do as a parent is constantly be playing the card every time you're with them.\u00a0 As a parent, I've had other friends in conversations minister to me, as a dad, in ways they'll never know, by just advising me, \"You know, Dennis, with your kids, just enjoy them, just go hang out with them, go shoot buckets, go play catch, go play a video game with them, go for a walk, take a drive with them, go somewhere and don't feel like you have to achieve an objective.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think in this busy culture with some of us who are bottom-line, type A personalities, we're looking at, you know what?\u00a0 I'm going to move this thing forward with this teenager, they're moving out of our house in 722 days, and it's time for this lecture on this subject.\u00a0 We've got to check that off, got to keep it moving when, many times, you just need to go enjoy one another and, truthfully, I could have used someone coming alongside me \u2013 like your books \u2013 come alongside me.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It just reminded me, you know, it's not all about offloading the dump truck every time you're with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes, and if you want them to hear lecture number 344, you need to have some recreational time that's built the platform for that to happen, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Dr. Bill Harley talks about this concept in his book, \"His Needs, Her Needs,\" which is a relationship book for marriage but, still, it can be applied.\u00a0 He talks about our bank accounts that we have with one another, and these deposits that we put in when we spend time with one another, when do loving things for one another, and in \"Stupid Parents\" I call it the \"trust account.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The more time you put into your child, the more currency you put into your trust account, the more they'll trust you with their lives and what's going on.\u00a0 So it's important, like you're saying, to just spend time making deposits in that account instead of just always making withdrawals.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Back in the summer of 2006, we had a wedding that was planned in our home, and I knew that in that time leading up to that wedding, other children were going to be neglected \u2013 just \u2013 one of the reasons I think I knew it is because \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You'd watched Barbara and me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0No, it's because my 17th birthday occurred on the night of my sister's rehearsal dinner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So you'd experienced it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\u00a0 Here I am, I'm 17.\u00a0 I think they may have had a cake for me, but I was not the center of the party on my 17th birthday.\u00a0 It was Julie's rehearsal dinner.\u00a0 So I knew that was going to happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I had planned that after the wedding, I was going to take a day off work and take the boys, and we were going to the amusement park \u2013 we were just going to go ride rollercoasters for the day.\u00a0 And I remember, as we got to it, the oldest son was still trying to weigh whether that was really how he wanted to spend that day \u2013 you know, going with his dad and his brothers to the rollercoaster thing, and some of his friends might be doing something that's even cooler, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I was getting a little torqued at all of this, right?\u00a0 You know, I've planned this, I've taken a day off, I'm getting ready to spend the rollercoaster money \u2013 it's not that I'm dying to go upside down on the corkscrews myself.\u00a0 This is all sacrifice on my part, and you're not appreciating it, kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, it turned out that there was nothing better going on.\u00a0 We had a good day, and we didn't try to accomplish lecture number 344 in that day, and I remember reading on his blog later, you know, \"I had a pretty good day with my bros,\" with his brothers riding rollercoasters, and you come back from that and say you've got to have those times.\u00a0 You've got to be intentional, you've got to build that stuff in if you want parenting to work in a holistic setting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0You know, it's interesting the comment you made about, \"Well, I planned this, and now he might not want to do it.\"\u00a0 You were feeling hurt \u2013 you were going to be a little bit hurt if he wouldn't go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's something I think we have to watch out, as parents, is not allow ourselves to be hurt because our child might make another decision besides us.\u00a0 As long as we hold that against them, and we become angry, and then we're mad at them, and then we can't forgive them, and it just really mucks up how they feel about us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes, that's a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And what we have to remind ourselves, as parents, is they are still children.\u00a0 They have not emerged into adulthood.\u00a0 They're going to be angry sometimes, and they don't even know what they're angry about.\u00a0 And so it may not be Bob's getaway where he gets the pushback around what he's taking them away to do it's just, you know what?\u00a0 They just want to be alone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, as I think back on it, it wasn't that there was something going on with other friends, it was that I wanted us to leave at 9 to get to the amusement park, and Jimmy was going, \"We're getting up at 9?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's right, an awful hour for a teenager.\u00a0 Are you kidding?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, maybe I just won't go if we're getting up and leaving that early.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0How about 3 p.m.\u00a0 That's more the wakeup hour on the weekends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, man, it's driving me crazy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No doubt about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0You know, Bob, you mentioned something that you got on your son's blog and read about \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is how primary communication occurs around our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0That's right, third party \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Blog to blog, baby.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0From Internet point to Internet point, but teens always want to feel understood by their parents.\u00a0 They want to feel that their interests and their aptitudes are validated.\u00a0 So when a parent comes and says, \"You can't have a blog,\" or \"you can't have an online community account like MySpace or Zanga or something like that,\" because the Internet is evil.\u00a0 Then that's when a parent loses, once again, another opportunity for communication on the teen's level.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me give a couple of blog tips, though, because we have opened this up, and our kids have had Zangas and MySpaces and FaceBooks, and some combination \u2013 they're telling us about the distinctions between the different ones, all of that, but one tip I'd have is, as a parent, if you read stuff on your kids' blogs that causes you to freak out a little bit, you better decide when it's time to play that \"I've been reading your blog\" card.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Most of the time, we don't talk about what I read on your blog.\u00a0 We want to create the illusion that you're still out there in cyberspace unsupervised, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It's very much like blowing your cover.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0That is your secret operative.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So the only time I tip my hand is if there is something that really is concerning here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, but, here's the thing \u2013 you may read something that concerns you.\u00a0 You don't have to play the card of saying, \"I was reading on your blog.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You can slip around the issue and come in harmlessly through another door \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Just to ask an innocent question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Ask a question, and then listening and then begin to hitchhike and begin to go there and say, \"You know, that friend of yours you're hanging out with, how are they doing?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 The other blog tip I have here, and this came to me later \u2013 as I started realizing I was not only reading what was on my kids' blogs and learning a lot about them and their life and what was going on, I thought, \"I bet they'd read mine.\"\u00a0 So I've got my own little Zanga page here, and I type stuff that is \u2013 it never says, \"Dear Sons and Daughters,\" but, I guarantee you, that's who I'm writing for, and I'm saying stuff like it's just \u2013 I'm saying it to the universe, and they're reading it like Dad was saying that to the universe but, hopefully, they're understanding that I'm having a little talk with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0It goes right back to that point of modeling what you want your child, for your teen, how to live.\u00a0 If you're writing these things to the world and not just saying it to them, then it just improves your authenticity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And while we're talking about the Internet, I was talking to a dad the other day who is raising some children who are emerging into the teenage years, and he has surveillance software that gives him a snapshot of the places his teenagers are going \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You betcha, you betcha, I've got that, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And it e-mails him pictures of this, and he can also use that same surveillance software to be able to look over the shoulder and see what kind of communications they're having.\u00a0 And he's been honest.\u00a0 He's told his teenagers he was going to do that in advance.\u00a0 He laughed, though, and he said, \"You know, I think they've forgotten.\u00a0 I think they've forgotten that I'm looking at it, and he said, \"Man, do I learn a ton of stuff about the peers and the friends that my children are relating to.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so here is a place where parents definitely do not need to be stupid, because the Internet can be a very dangerous place, and parents don't need to think of this democracy that we live in, like, kids have all these rights, and that parents shouldn't have the right to be able to look over their shoulder at what they're communicating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When I was raising our daughters, toward the end they were off on instant messaging, and I'd stop and just look over their shoulder and, you know what?\u00a0 It was amazing what I could learn in that period of time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I remember one time one of our daughters was typing back and forth to a young man who lived in Atlanta, and he referred to her as \"Sexy Thang,\" t-h-a-n-g.\u00a0 And that was his nickname for her, and I said, I spoke to this particular daughter, I said, \"Get up out of your seat for a second.\"\u00a0 I sat down at the computer \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0This is Sexy Thang's daddy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I did, that's exactly what I typed.\u00a0 I said, \"This is Sexy Thang's daddy, Mr. Rainey.\u00a0 I would appreciate you referring to my daughter with terms of a little more dignity.\u00a0 She is a gift from God for some man someday.\u00a0 Thank you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And you could almost \u2013 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Smiley face.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, yeah, hit the smiley face, that's right, put a little humor in there.\u00a0 You can't just be all authority in these deals, and I remember there was a pause before that message came back both for my daughter, me, and the young man, and it was, like, \"Okay, Mr. Rainey, sorry.\"\u00a0 And he cleaned up his act, and if he's the wrong kind of guy, go away.\u00a0 If he's the right kind of guy, he can take an instructive comment like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0All of this comes back to the main theme of the \"Stupid Parents\" that Hayley has written in that parents are to teach their teens how to live under authority, and if the teen goes and \u2013 goes to college and gets a job and works for a corporation and starts sending out e-mails or doing something on the company computer, that employer can monitor the e-mails going out, the e-mails belong to them, the Internet traffic belongs to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So it's really a life lesson in what the world is like living under authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And what you guys have sought to do is come alongside parents and \u2013 almost like a pair of coaches helping them understand their teens and, at the same time \u2013 and this is what I like about this \u2013 is you've got a companion book for the teenagers called \"Stupid Parents,\" which puts your arm around the teenager and helps the teen kind of interpret the behavior of their parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Parents did not intend on becoming stupid.\u00a0 There's just a passage of life that you go through as a youngster where your parents are going to start taking these stupid pills just like my parents did and just like I grew up to take, and my kids were convinced that I took those pills as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And what teenager and what parent doesn't need the help today, because this is a pretty tough culture to raise teenagers in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I just want to know how much do you have to pay guys to dress like this, get their picture taken, and be in a book called \"Stupid Parents.\"\u00a0 I'm not sure\u2013 you know, that's kind of like the ultimate insult for anybody who is a model right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You've done a great job of communicating both with teens and with us as parents in these two books and, again, we've got them in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 If anybody wants to see the picture I'm talking about, you can go to our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Click the red button that says \"Go,\" what you see in the middle \u2013 it's not right in the middle of the screen, it's actually on the right and down near the bottom, but you'll see it.\u00a0 It's a red \"Go\" button.\u00a0 You click that button, it will take you to the area of the site where there is more information about both of these resources and, again, the website is FamilyLife.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can also call 1-800-FLTODAY for more information.\u00a0 Someone on our team can let you know how you can get copies of these books sent out to you.\u00a0 The phone number again \u2013 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY or, again, there's information online at FamilyLife.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let me ask you a question \u2013 are you the kind of person who likes a good challenge?\u00a0 The month of August, for us, is the end of our fiscal year here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 We wrap up the books, start a new fiscal year in September, so we've got just a few week to go before we are done with our financial or our fiscal year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And this summer, we've had listeners who have been contacting us either online at FamilyLife.com, or who have been calling 1-800-FLTODAY and in addition to making a donation to the ministry, they have been joining with our 2007 Challenge Fund.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The way this works is when you make a donation you also issue a challenge to folks like you.\u00a0 It may be folks who live in your part of the country, folks who are involved in different recreational activities or hobbies or sports, folks who have certain occupations or who go to certain churches.\u00a0 These folks have been not just making a donation, but they've been challenging other people like them to help contribute to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So bicycle riders are challenging other bike riders to contribute to the ministry, or folks who are regular runners are challenging other runners to give to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 And this Challenge Fund is something that we're hoping will help us end our fiscal year in a good place financially.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So can I encourage you, during August, if you are able to make a donation to the ministry of FamilyLife Today, we would appreciate that, but we also want you not just to make a donation but to think about who you'd like to challenge to join you in making a donation.\u00a0 You can then call 1-800-FLTODAY, make your donation over the phone and issue your challenge there, or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0As you fill out the donation form, there is a place there where you can type in your challenge for other listeners, and then we'll spread the word and see if we can't get other folks to join with you in making a donation to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We appreciate your listening, and we appreciate your financial support during the month of August.\u00a0 We appreciate your participating in the 2007 Challenge Fund.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we're going to be back with Michael and Hayley DiMarco as we continue to look at how we can improve our parenting IQ, and do a better job with our teenagers, and we hope you can join us for that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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