{"id":301411,"date":"2007-08-01T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-08-01T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids\/"},"modified":"2007-08-01T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-08-01T15:00:00","slug":"10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Ways Parents Embarrass Their Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Michael and Hayley DiMarco talk about the 10 things parents unknowingly do that embarrass their kids.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-08-01.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"12.44M","filesize_raw":"13048188","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855],"tags":[4964],"podcast_series":[7531],"cwp_profile":[3373],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301411","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","tag-embarrassing-your-kids","podcast_series-not-so-stupid-parents","cwp_profile-michael-and-hayley-dimarco","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301411\/10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301411\/10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"fEyts2V8ak\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids\/\">10 Ways Parents Embarrass Their Kids<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/10-ways-parents-embarrass-their-kids\/embed\/#?secret=fEyts2V8ak\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;10 Ways Parents Embarrass Their Kids&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"fEyts2V8ak\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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kids.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-08-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, if you ask a teenager what's the most important thing that you want from your parent, across the board, it's just they want your time.\u00a0 Because when they see you going to work at 6 in the morning and then they come home, and you're not there, and then you get home about 6 or 7, that's the worst thing that they could experience.\u00a0 And, in their minds, they're getting none of your time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And time doesn't always mean want to go do something.\u00a0 Time can mean when I get home there's actually somebody there.\u00a0 I say \"Hi,\" I go to my room, but they're there, and I know that you're there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, August 1st.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Don't get offended, but we're going to talk today with the authors of a book called \"Stupid Parents\" and see some things all of us can learn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 So what would you think if you walked into your son's bedroom, you know, your 15-year-old son's bedroom and there on the nightstand right by his bed there's a book called \"Stupid Parents.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'd go into our bedroom and find my copy of \"Not-So-Stupid.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As long as you're both going through it together \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"Not-So-Stupid Parents.\"\u00a0 Both books have been written, by the way, and we have the authors of both of these books with us today \u2013 Michael and Hayley DiMarco.\u00a0 Actually, Michael didn't write them, he helped launch them, but Hayley is the author of these books.\u00a0 Welcome to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Just in case you missed that, they have authored a book called \"Stupid Parents,\" which is aimed for the nightstand of the teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And \"Not-So-Stupid Parents,\" which is aimed at the not-so-stupid other half of the equation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The nightstand of the not so stupid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, there's something, again, about the title where you just go \u2013 do I really want to read a book that insults me from the very get-go, you know what I'm saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Michael is the CEO of Hungry Planet, which is an outreach to the next generation of young people and trying to stay on the edge, and Hayley is the Chief Creative Officer, also a mom, and they really have teamed it up together to speak to this generation about how we do raise our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And with the titles, \"Stupid Parents\" and \"Not-So-Stupid Parents,\" that's an outgrowth of what teens have told us in that there really are only two categories of parents \u2013 stupid and not so stupid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Is there a not-so-stupid parent, seriously?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0It's a possibility.\u00a0 First of all, I'd say the truly stupid parent is the parent that thinks they're never going to be stupid, because there's always going to be a degree of it.\u00a0 That's why the two choices are stupid and not so stupid.\u00a0 So don't kid yourself and think you're ever just going to have it made.\u00a0 That's a category of parent that we talk about in the book of \"the best friend\" parent, and that can be a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're saying the best-friend parent can be a stupid parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Yeah, because they're ultimately believing that they can escape stupidity.\u00a0 In other words, they think, \"If I give them everything they want\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0By being a buddy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, by being their buddy \u2013 by not being a parent.\u00a0 If I'm not your parent, how can I be a stupid parent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Abdicate your role; remove the authority.\u00a0 Now, all of a sudden, I'm my teenager's best pal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you're saying if you went to the teenager with that, they'd say, \"My dad is still clueless, my mom is still\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 The difficulty there is they learn a more heinous understanding of communicating with authority because they start to lose respect for any authority \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Just manipulate authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Exactly, they begin to manipulate you.\u00a0 So that's not your best option for escaping stupidity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But if you look at teens today, there is a big difference from what you had in, say, the '50s.\u00a0 Teenagers are living in a world that's just completely different.\u00a0 I mean, the world is opened up to them through the Internet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0As Hayley and I have said before, we're not parenting experts, but we study teens quite a bit, and the way they communicate and the way they live.\u00a0 The thing about the digital age is that the teen today has been taught that their opinion counts for everything, whether it's electing their favorite American idol or weighing in on a blog with their comment or giving kudos to someone's photo on MySpace.\u00a0 Madison Avenue has said that their opinion counts just as much as anyone else's.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And the truly stupid parent, as Hayley writes about, is the one that either buys into their teen's opinion is equal to theirs, and it is a popularity contest, or they totally abdicate all parenting and let the teen self-parent by absentia.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, frankly, I can't think of a more dangerous situation.\u00a0 This is the least-parented generation in the history of our nation because of this very equation you're talking about, of how teens begin to think and how parents begin to think wrongly about themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let's go back to the beginning.\u00a0 God gave us the Ten Commandments.\u00a0 The first commandment that has anything to do with human relationships, which on is it?\u00a0 It's the Fifth Commandment \u2013 \"Honor your mother and your father.\"\u00a0 The concept of honor means respect, weight.\u00a0 It means to respect the position that God has given them and not dishonor them either in attitude or in action.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you look at our country, we are a long ways away from the Fifth Commandment.\u00a0 We have really \u2013 both as parents and as children \u2013 have ignored God's command and in the process of thinking, we're finding freedom and choices and this democracy you were talking about Michael.\u00a0 Now, I couldn't agree with you more.\u00a0 This is such a nation of human rights, and everybody has a vote and everybody has an opinion that counts.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The family is not a democracy.\u00a0 It is a place of equal value, equal worth that God has clearly established authority in the family for a purpose.\u00a0 We dare not miss that purpose today if we're going to achieve God's objectives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And isn't it so shortsighted of appeasing the votes of today and the feelings of the teen today and not preparing them for what it's like to live in a world where there is authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Well, the whole foundation, really, of stupid parents is to help the parent and the teenager both to learn the lesson of living under authority, because that's where the teenager learns it first \u2013 at home.\u00a0 And if they've not learned it at home, boy, are they going to have a heck of a time once they get to work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I worked with some inner city kids, and I remember a girl who got a job at a McDonald's, and within a \u2013 she liked it, but within a few weeks, she stopped going to work.\u00a0 I noticed I'd go by her house, and she'd be at home, and I'd say, \"Why aren't you at work?\u00a0 What's going on?\"\u00a0 And she said, \"Well, I quit,\" and I said, \"Why did you quit?\"\u00a0 \"Well, I didn't like what he was telling me to do.\u00a0 I didn't like the way my boss was telling me that I had to do whatever he wanted me to do, and so I quit.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0She could not conceive of living under authority even though it was her livelihood, and she would do that at each job she would go to.\u00a0 Once they would do something that she didn't agree with, she'd be gone.\u00a0 That was because she wasn't learning it in the home.\u00a0 The parent in the home couldn't deal with and couldn't manage her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So when we're talking about stupid parents, we're talking about those parents who are either abdicating that issue of authority or who are \u2013 some parents who are just so heavy-handed with it, that it's crushing a child.\u00a0 It can go either way, can't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Sure, it can go either way.\u00a0 If you're deciding to be a dictator, and anything you say goes, and you don't listen to them, and they're just pawns in your world, they're not going to respect you, they're not going to understand how to respect authority.\u00a0 They're going to rebel from that once they get away from that.\u00a0 \"I'll get away from you\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\"I'll do my time, and once I'm out of here\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, and they can get out.\u00a0 There's not just those two categories.\u00a0 I don't want to make the listeners think, \"Well, I'm not a stupid parent because I'm neither of those.\"\u00a0 There are shades of gray where kids might consider their parents stupid, and the parents aren't necessarily doing anything wrong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0For example, when you look at the picture on the cover, you see the couple from Nerdville.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0They look pretty nerdy, yes.\u00a0 He's got high-water pants, and he's wearing white socks with black shoes, and she's wearing her \u2013 what do you call those things?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Slippers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Houseslippers, but it looks like she's out, and she's got her hair up in curlers and a thing over \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know what?\u00a0 I'm looking at this picture, and I just had to smile because Laura is currently a senior in college.\u00a0 She's dressing me all the time, because I'm not as bad as the cover parents you have here on the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, I don't know about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well \u2013 and according to Laura we really don't know about that, but it really is kind of funny how our children grow up and say, \"Dad, Dad, no, no, no, you can't wear that.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But the point you're making is, as parents, there are a lot of ways we can be irrelevant to them, and what I want parents to realize, there's two key issues they have to understand that they're in constant tension with.\u00a0 One is the authority issue we've been talking about; the other is having a relationship with your child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You have to keep those two in proper tension.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Teens are crying out right now and live their lives by the call for authenticity.\u00a0 This is the most heavily marketed-to generation in the history of the world, and so for a parent, the most important thing in communication for teens is to hear and see authenticity; to see an authentic life that a parent is living out what they're telling their teen to do.\u00a0 And the other thing goes to time, and the myth of quality time with your child is really a myth to a teen of today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, if you ask a teenager what's the most important thing that you want from your parent, across the board, it's just they want your time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right, and I think we bought the lie that quality is just as good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, now, hang on, because the teenager is selling you that lie.\u00a0 They are saying, \"I want time,\" and then you go and say, \"Hey, want to go play putt-putt, want to go to a move, want to go shopping?\"\u00a0 And it's like, \"No.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, time doesn't always mean want to go do something.\u00a0 Time can mean when I get home there's actually somebody there.\u00a0 I say \"Hi,\" I go to my room, but they're there, and I know they're there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Presence, then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 It doesn't have to be, \"Oh, let's spend all our time together.\"\u00a0 That's going, again, to the quality concept of, \"Oh, it's got to be quality time.\"\u00a0 It doesn't have to be quality time.\u00a0 It has to be they know that you're there.\u00a0 Because when they see you going to work at 6 in the morning and then they come home, and you're not there.\u00a0 And then you get home about 6 or 7, and you're angry, and you're tired, and you're complaining about your day, and then they go to bed.\u00a0 That's the worst thing that they could experience and, in their minds, they're getting none of your time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0When our children were teenagers, there was an evening when my son, Benjamin, came in, and I'll not get into the story, because I've told it here on FamilyLife Today before, but he plopped down on the bed, he threw himself across the foot of the bed and began to tell me of something that occurred during school that day that completely woke me up.\u00a0 I mean, I wasn't asleep, but I was moving in that direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But if I hadn't been there, I would never have caught it.\u00a0 And the thing was, I had to physically be there, and I had to also have my ears and heart on to truly hear what the child was saying to me, even though he was a \u2013 I think, a junior in high school at the time, man, it was a critical issue.\u00a0 I mean, he was facing some tough situations of judgment, and he needed a dad to shoulder that with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And if you're not there, either physically and\/or emotionally to be able to listen, you're not going to be able to meet those needs at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to ask you something just practically, because I think parents need coaching in this.\u00a0 You talk about 10 ways that parents embarrass their children.\u00a0 Could you just help us out here, as parents?\u00a0 Because some of us, we do this unconsciously, you know, and, frankly, Bob \u2013 Bob needs some help here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I beg your pardon?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What are 10 ways parents embarrass their teens, and we're going to put these on the website, if it's okay with you guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0You bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0FamilyLife.com \u2013 you can get these later.\u00a0 But just rattle these off real quickly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Okay, if you're doing any of these then chances are you're embarrassing your teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Yelling at them in public; dressing like a dork \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, I've got to tell you a story here on dressing like a dork.\u00a0 Can I do this?\u00a0 My son calls me the other day, he's in college.\u00a0 He says, \"Dad.\"\u00a0 I said, \"Yeah?\"\u00a0 He said, \"You know, a couple of years ago when you were wearing black jeans, and I said 'Dad, no. Black jeans, what are you doing with a pair of black jeans?'\"\u00a0 I said, \"Yeah, I remember.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Looking like Elvis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I said, \"I remember.\"\u00a0 And he said, \"I'm wearing some black jeans.\u00a0 They're cool again.\u00a0 You can get yours out of the closet if you want.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I know exactly what you're talking about there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This is what Laura is trying to reshape her father \u2013 is get him out of the dork category.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Sure, it means a lot to a teenager \u2013 well, she's not a teenager, but \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, but, it's important not to have a dorky dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, \"dressing like a dork.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Okay, well, there's also \"trying to be too cool.\"\u00a0 Being too loud and drawing attention to them like when you're out in public, or being too affectionate in public.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0With them or with your spouse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's a good question.\u00a0 When I wrote it, I meant with them.\u00a0 But that could be embarrassing.\u00a0 I should put that in there.\u00a0 That would be pretty embarrassing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\"Treating you like a kid\" in front of your friends.\u00a0 Grilling the boyfriend or the girlfriend too hard.\u00a0 That can be very embarrassing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, yeah, they don't like that one at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Now, keep in mind that even though those are embarrassing, I'm not saying you never do any of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0Or that they're not necessary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I appreciate you adding that, because if you let the kids, they'll push you out of some of these areas where you'll not do anything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0That's right, and you have to be willing to be embarrassing sometimes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I do the grilling of \u2013 maybe not boyfriend and girlfriend, but other friends, when they're over at the house \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\"So what's going\" \u2013 I mean \u2013 we get into all kinds of kids.\u00a0 I learn a lot during those sessions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Of course, and you should.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But the word \"grilling.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Actually, what you're doing, Bob, because I have heard you talk about this \u2013 you're just being real shrewd in the questions you ask.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Just investigating a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right, and there really is a spirit in which a parent can do this, and it's not going to embarrass their son or daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0There are ways to do it, that's right.\u00a0 Somebody ought to write a book on that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Grilling your kids, yeah, really.\u00a0 Keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Okay, saying something stupid in front of their friends which, again, kind of hard to not do that.\u00a0 Obviously, drinking too much or doing drugs, and then not taking care of your body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Wow.\u00a0 Yeah, I'm thinking of Josh McDowell, who was on our program, and I remember him saying that his dad was an alcoholic, and his mom was overweight, and he said, \"I was embarrassed by both of them and didn't want anything to do with either of them.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0He actually took his dad out to the barn and tied him up so his dad wouldn't come stumbling into the house while his buddies were over there, he was so embarrassed by him.\u00a0 So some of these really aren't funny.\u00a0 Some of these are really tragic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0They're tragic, and I think they're important for parents to look at from the perspective of \u2013 if I want a better relationship with my teenager, if there's a problem that I sense that maybe they don't trust me, they don't want me to be around, they aren't talking to me \u2013 then kind of look at this list and see if there is anything on there that you might be willing to change for the ones that aren't that terrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Maybe you dress like a dork.\u00a0 Okay, so be willing not to go out in your shorts with your black knee-high socks on, Dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I do not.\u00a0 Hayley, I do not do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0I didn't even look at you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to go on record, my daughter did not have to redeem that.\u00a0 Actually, I feel like I do a good job dressing, but the problem is with young people today, they've got their standards, and they've got their desire for dad and mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You look at a list like this, and you go, \"These are 10 ways that parents can embarrass a teenager.\"\u00a0 So, as parents, you said that doesn't mean you don't do them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Well, some of those things on the list aren't tragic, like \"dressing like a dork.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Some of you aren't going to get beyond that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 I got it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichael:\u00a0And the other thing about this list to remember is it comes out of the book for the teen.\u00a0 So Hayley's being empathetic with the teen, saying, \"Yes, these are the ways that your parent can embarrass you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Empathetic but also saying, \"Some of these, teenager, you've just got to get over it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that's the point you make to the teenagers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Your parents are going to be like this sometimes, deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0You have to deal with it.\u00a0 Now, see, what goes through the teenager's mind when you do something embarrassing in front of their friends is, \"Oh, my gosh, my friends totally think I'm a dork,\" because they take it on themselves.\u00a0 It's kind of transference.\u00a0 But the truth of the matter is, their friends don't think that.\u00a0 Their friends just think your parents are dorks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0They're just confirming the facts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0They're just saying, \"Yeah, I feel sorry for her.\u00a0 She's got a dorky dad.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I will never forget \u2013 I was in 7th or 8th grade, I don't remember exactly whether it was 7th or the 8th grade, but I was with a friend of mine one night over at my house, and my parents had gone to a party that was down the street, and my dad had gone down there and had had too much to drink at this party, and he came home for a while, and then went back to the party.\u00a0 I don't know why he came home or what it was, but he came in, and my friend and I were \u2013 I don't remember what we were doing, but we had music on, and there was a Diana Ross and the Supremes song playing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So my dad comes in and goes, he says, \"Is that Diana Ross?\"\u00a0 I said, \"Yeah,\" and he starts singing \u2013 \"Oh, Diana Ross,\" and he starts singing along.\u00a0 I'm dying, right?\u00a0 Now, here we've got a number of these things.\u00a0 We've got dad trying to be cool but drinking is also an issue in all of this, and I remember the feeling, as a teenager, which is \"I would like to distance myself from you, not just right now and tonight but because I don't know when you might act like this again, I would just like to kind of stay clear of you for a while until something changes with you,\" you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHayley:\u00a0And that's the thing that I address in the \"Not-So-Stupid Parents\" book \u2013 is some of these things are not life-threatening, they're not going to change your child's future drastically, but if you have the chance to improve the relationship and maybe save their heart in a few instances, why not take it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right, and some of them are dangerous, and some of them, like Bob's talking about, that's just not the kind of modeling you want to see occur there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to read the Fifth Commandment from Exodus, chapter 20, verse 12 \u2013 \"Honor your father and your mother that your days may be prolonged in the land, which the Lord your God gives you.\"\u00a0 Now, that's one of the Ten Commandments, one of the basics of the foundation of a civilization, because that's who God gave it to \u2013 a new nation.\u00a0 He wanted to establish them as a strong nation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, you know what?\u00a0 There was a message I heard, as a young man just emerging out of my teenage years, I'll never forget this.\u00a0 Dr. Henry Brandt, a Christian psychologist at Estes Park, and he gave a message called \"Worthy of Honor,\" and it was a message to parents to be worthy of the honor that the children were supposed to have for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I think the message, what we talked about today, is, yes, children need to honor their parents, they need to be respectful, but we, as adults and as parents, we need to be worthy of honor, and that means having the right sense of authority; having the right relationship with our children, keeping those things in tension, although you're never going to do it perfectly; admitting your faults; being authentic; but keep stepping into your children's lives as the parent, as one who is worthy of respect.\u00a0 That is the mandate for this generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And the tension between being the authority and having the right relationship is one that, I think, is an ongoing tension for us, as parents, trying to find the right balance in them.\u00a0 That's really what's at the heart of the book that the two of you have written \u2013 the book, \"Not-So-Stupid Parents,\" which is the book for parents designed to help us understand what's going on in the heart of our teenager better so that we can fulfill both of those responsibilities \u2013 the responsibility to connect relationally with our son or our daughter, and the responsibility to lead them as moms and dads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've got that book in our FamilyLife Resource Center along with the book that you wrote for teenagers called \"Stupid Parents.\"\u00a0 You can go to our website at FamilyLife.com and click the red \"Go\" button that you see in the middle of the screen.\u00a0 That will take you to the area of the site where there is more information on both of these books from Michael and Hayley DiMarco.\u00a0 Again, the information is online at FamilyLife.com, click the red \"Go\" button that you see in the middle of the screen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can order the books from us at FamilyLife.com, or you can call us at 1-800-FLTODAY, that's 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 Someone on our team will let you know how you can get the resources you need sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, when most of us think of the month of August, the month that starts today \u2013 I don't know what you think of \u2013 whether you think of vacation or whether you think of back-to-school time or I don't know what dominates your thinking for August.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0One of the things we think of here at FamilyLife is that it's the end of our fiscal year.\u00a0 We come to the time of the year when we have to close the books on one year and launch a whole new year with a lot of new objectives and new priorities for us as a ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've been spending a lot of time here at FamilyLife talking about those new initiatives and those new priorities, and we want to ask you to consider doing something during the month of August.\u00a0 We'd like you to consider making an end-of-the-summer gift to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 It winds up being an end-of-the-fiscal-year gift for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But we want you to think about doing something else as well.\u00a0 When you contact us to make your gift in August, we'd like you to consider issuing a challenge to other listeners to make a gift as well.\u00a0 For example, we heard from a listener recently who went on our website to make a $50 donation and jotted down a note and said, \"I want to challenge all of the listeners in Chicago \u2013 those folks who have been to a Weekend to Remember conference or who listen to FamilyLife Today, or who use your resources or go to your website, I want my fellow Chicagoans to take the challenge and make a donation to FamilyLife Today as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0That's the kind of thing that we're hoping you'll consider doing this month \u2013 not just making a donation but issuing a challenge to other moms, to other homeschoolers, to other people who are in your profession or who got to your church.\u00a0 We're hoping that during the month of August, you will make a contribution to the Challenge Fund, and you can do that either by calling 1-800-FLTODAY and making your donation over the phone and just issuing your challenge when you do that, or by going online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 As you fill out your donation form, there is a place there for comments, and you can type your challenge in there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I want you to know we appreciate you listening, and we do hope you'll consider making one of these end-of-the-summer donations to FamilyLife Today and issuing a challenge while you're at it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You can make a donation online, or you can call us at 1-800-FLTODAY, and we appreciate your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we want to talk about what we do as parents when we try to connect heart-to-heart with our teenagers, and they say, \"I'm not interested.\u00a0 In fact, I wish you'd just kind of leave me alone and let me live my own life.\"\u00a0 We'll talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301411","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301411"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301411"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301411"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301411"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301411"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301411"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301411"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}