{"id":301329,"date":"2007-03-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-03-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-the-suicidal-mind\/"},"modified":"2007-03-20T11:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-03-20T15:00:00","slug":"understanding-the-suicidal-mind","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-the-suicidal-mind\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding the Suicidal Mind"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On today&#8217;s broadcast, marriage and family counselor David Cox helps us understand the suicidal mind.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-03-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"10.57M","filesize_raw":"11078535","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10442,2879],"tags":[4933,4280,4457,2216,4562],"podcast_series":[7317],"cwp_profile":[8900],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301329","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-of-a-spouse","category-loss-of-a-child","tag-coping-with-death","tag-death","tag-loss-of-a-child","tag-suffering","tag-suicide","podcast_series-aftershock-hope-help-and-healing-in-the-wake-of-suicide","cwp_profile-david-cox","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301329\/understanding-the-suicidal-mind","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301329\/understanding-the-suicidal-mind","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lMyBf2SJ1n\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-the-suicidal-mind\/\">Understanding the Suicidal Mind<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-the-suicidal-mind\/embed\/#?secret=lMyBf2SJ1n\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding the Suicidal Mind&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lMyBf2SJ1n\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-03-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-03-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0The average teenager who becomes suicidal is above average in intelligence, is usually an over-achiever, might be a bit of a perfectionist, and, certainly, if you know what to look for, you can spot it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The problem is that most teens talk to their friends more than they talk to Mom and Dad.\u00a0 So it might be a good friend that hears about it first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 20th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll offer some strategies and suggestions today for parents who might think a child is suicidal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I wonder if, in a Bible quiz, you could ask what do these people have in common, and if folks would know \u2013 Abimelech, and Samson, King Saul, Saul's armor-bearer, Judas Iscariot \u2013 what do those people have in common?\u00a0 And the interesting thing that ties all of them together is that all of them are biblical examples of people who took their own lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right, and it is a growing concern for every parent and, for that matter, our entire culture, because suicide, in general, in the population as a whole, has increased about 40 percent since 1960.\u00a0 But among teenagers, it is, today, the leading cause of death.\u00a0 Now, think about that.\u00a0 For all of the concerns we have about how our kids drive and issues of drugs and alcohol, the number-one cause of death today in teenagers is suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I don't know of many parents who raise a teen all the way through the process who don't at one point or another worry a little bit about a child who withdraws or becomes a little depressed about what's going on in life.\u00a0 And so we looked around for a heaven-class resource for you, as a listener and your family, and found Dr. David Cox, who is a marriage and family coach from Spartanburg, South Carolina, and he joins us for a second day on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 David, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Thank you, Dennis.\u00a0 It's good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0David has been counseling for, now, how many years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Seventeen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Seventeen years.\u00a0 He and his wife, Kelly, have five children and David, himself is a personal survivor of suicide.\u00a0 As we mentioned yesterday, his father committed suicide when he was nine years old, and David has done his postgraduate work in the area of counseling and suicide intervention and prevention, and we're grateful that, David, you've written a book called \"Aftershock,\" along with Candy Arrington \u2013 \"Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide.\"\u00a0 And I have to ask you here at the start of this broadcast \u2013 why does an individual take his life or her life?\u00a0 What's at the bottom of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0I'm not sure anyone has ever really come up with an answer for that.\u00a0 Because for someone to be at that point, they are in such a place of despair that anyone who has never been there really cannot understand what that feels like.\u00a0 The common theme is hopelessness \u2013 a sense that my problems will never get any better.\u00a0 Many people who are suicidal are under the myth that their family members would be better off without them.\u00a0 How tragic and how untrue that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Most of us have seen the Christmastime classic movie, \"It's a Wonderful Life,\" where George Bailey finds himself facing financial ruin, despair, hopelessness.\u00a0 He comes home, the kids are driving him crazy, and he realizes that there's going to be great shame brought upon the family, and he grabs that life insurance policy and heads to the bridge and thinks, \"I'd be better off dead.\u00a0 Everybody would be better off.\u00a0 It would be better for everyone else if I'd never been born.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's interesting how that movie has become such a dominant part of the culture, even as we tend not to talk about suicide, we can all resonate, at some level, with what's going on in his soul, can't we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0We can, and I keep a copy of that movie on video in my desk to give out to very special people who I know that movie will speak to them in a very powerful way.\u00a0 I've only been able to watch that movie one time because it is so moving and so poignant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I've heard it said that suicide is the most selfish act a human being ever commits, and I think I would used to have said I would have subscribed to that, having been near some situations and some families where that had occurred.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But then I hurt my neck one time digging some holes, and actually slipped a disk, number seven, and the pain was so intense, I could not get away from it.\u00a0 I would be driving down the road with my head cockeyed, trying to get it at an angle to reduce the pressure on that disk, and I began to get a little depressed, and the pain began to define my life to such a degree I went to see a physician.\u00a0 I said, \"Cut on me.\u00a0 I don't care how long the sword is.\u00a0 Open me up and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 take care of this thing \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 fix the pain.\u00a0 And I've since reflected back on that experience.\u00a0 I didn't have to have surgery.\u00a0 I was able to rehab it and do some exercises that got me through it, but I've thought often \u2013 you know what?\u00a0 When someone's in pain, and your life is defined by pain, I know it is selfish to want to be out from under that pain, but I'm not sure it's fair to characterize a man like your father who took his own life when you were nine years old as being selfish.\u00a0 What would you say about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0I agree with that completely, Dennis.\u00a0 It is about self, but it's not selfish in the ways that we think of that word \u2013 self-indulgent or me first or I want my needs met.\u00a0 In many ways, for the suicidal mind, it is almost an act of self-sacrifice.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I believe in my father's case, he really believed that because of the magnitude of our financial problems, the only way out was his life insurance.\u00a0 So in his mind, as flawed as that was, and as much as we would have glad to have had him in lieu of any money that his death might have brought to the family, millions of dollars could not have replaced him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But to think about that person being in so much pain that they see death as the only way out, is the clearest way to understand the suicidal mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's a relief to them, it's a relief to the family, they'll no longer have me to have to worry about, and you could see, Bob, why a teenager \u2013 because the teenage years are very self-focused, as well, and you can see why this is the leading cause of death among teens.\u00a0 It plays to something that's taking place in their lives as a time of emotional upheaval, an identity crisis, maybe they don't fit in with their friends, maybe they dabble in drugs, alcohol, which can add to the depression.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let's pull back for a second, though, and talk to parents about how you might be able to discover a child is thinking about suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Can you spot this?\u00a0 Can you sit down and look at a teenager and go, \"I wonder if he or she is a candidate for suicide?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0If you know what to look for, you can spot it.\u00a0 The problem is that most teens talk to their friends more than they talk to Mom and Dad, so it might be a good friend that hears about it first.\u00a0 But, certainly, if you see marked changes in their academic performance, if they are sleeping a lot, if they talk about death, if they seem to have a preoccupation with death \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 like writing poetry about death or letters about death, maybe the way they dress, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0The way they dress, changes in their grooming habits, personal hygiene.\u00a0 Our teens are under such pressure today to be perfect \u2013 look at television and the image that is presented is that you must be perfect and beautiful and athletic and rich and smart, and the average teenager who becomes suicidal is above average in intelligence; is usually an over-achiever; might be a bit of a perfectionist and, Dennis, I believe that the growing rates of divorce in our families \u2013 you hear statistics now of one out of every two marriages ending in divorce.\u00a0 Well, that means half of those homes \u2013 half of the homes where teenagers live \u2013 those teenagers are automatically predisposed to depression and then to suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Do you know what the statistics are about a child being at a greater risk as a result of divorce?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Children of divorce are two to three times more likely to be depressed and suicidal than a child who is in a home where divorce has not occurred.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Is everybody who is experiencing despair and depression a candidate for suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0I don't believe so in terms of will they actually act on it.\u00a0 It's refreshing for me to see the Apostle Paul mention twice in Scripture, once in Philippians, chapter 1, and another in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 1.\u00a0 He says, \"I despaired even of life itself.\u00a0 I desired to depart from this life.\u00a0 Everybody who is honest with themselves at one time or another has thought, \"If I wasn't alive tomorrow, I wouldn't have to take that test,\" or \"I wouldn't have to face that boss,\" or \"I wouldn't have to pay those bills,\" or go through this surgery or face the death of a loved one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So everyone, I think, has thought about it, and not everyone who is in crisis is at risk for suicide, but folks who are not getting some ministry or not getting some counseling, who are not working through their feelings, who do not talk about them, people have a hard time with forgiveness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The Book of Hebrews says, \"See to it that no root of bitterness spring up in you, for it will defile everything.\"\u00a0 Angry people tend to get depressed.\u00a0 Depression is best described as anger turned inward and unresolved depression can grow into a suicidal crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0David, you write in your book that there's a difference between a suicidal gesture and a suicidal attempt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0The difference, Dennis, a gesture is not as serious as an attempt.\u00a0 A gesture may be something as insignificant as somebody saying, \"I wish I were dead,\" or composing a suicide note.\u00a0 An attempt is actually some sort of behavior that injures or harms the person in some way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What you're determining there is something called \"lethality.\"\u00a0 If someone has the means where they would harm themselves, as you talk about it with them, they tell you, \"This is how I would do it.\u00a0 This is how I would attempt the suicide.\"\u00a0 Then we're looking at an impending gesture.\u00a0 We're in what I call a \"get the gun\" mode.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's more important that you intervene and try to prevent the suicide and then get them some ministry and help later.\u00a0 But someone who just talks about being very sad \u2013 \"I really don't have much to live for,\" \"There are times that I have thought about taking my life\" \u2013 they are gesturing at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, here's what happens, though, as a parent.\u00a0 You watch a child, and you watch them sink into this despair, and you watch them sink deeper, and you wonder what do I do?\u00a0 Where do I go?\u00a0 How do I handle this?\u00a0 What are the steps?\u00a0 What if I intervene, and it repels the child?\u00a0 What if I lose my relationship with the child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I've found, in talking with parents as well as raising six children of our own \u2013 just going through those internal battles of self-doubt, second-guessing yourself in the decision \u2013 if a parent sees these things taking place, he or she needs to initiate, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 The worst thing to do is nothing.\u00a0 Don't believe the lie, \"Well, this is just a developmental situation.\u00a0 All teens go through this.\u00a0 They will grow out of it.\"\u00a0 Get the child some help.\u00a0 I would certainly involve their youth minister if you were involved in a church.\u00a0 Jesus said, \"A prophet is without honor in his own land.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It may be that Mom and Dad might not be the ones to be able to talk to this teen.\u00a0 A physical checkup is a good idea; take him to a family physician, have them screened for depression.\u00a0 It might be a chemical imbalance.\u00a0 Teens are growing very quickly and sometimes their bodies sort of outgrow themselves at times.\u00a0 It might be a clinical depression that they have going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I've recommended parents talk to some of their children's peers at school.\u00a0 In other words, the friends they hang out with, their \"best\" buddy or friend and ask them the question \u2013 \"Has my son or daughter ever talked about suicide?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0And they will know things that you don't know, and the risk that you mentioned earlier of, \"Well, what if I alienate my teenager?\u00a0 What if I damage the relationship with them?\"\u00a0 Dennis, I doubt that would happen, because most people, at any age, who are depressed and suicidal, are so relieved that someone sees the pain and reaches out to them.\u00a0 It's really a comfort to that teen to know that Mom and Dad loves them enough that they are able to see between the lines and see when there's a deep problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm a parent of teenagers, and I'm thinking of those times throughout the teen years when a child is cut off from the group \u2013 discouraged, coming home, going up to their room, shutting the door, playing guitar, not wanting to talk to anybody.\u00a0 They come out of the cave for a while, you know, and you say, \"How are you doing?\"\u00a0 \"I'm fine.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0As a parent, you hear a broadcast like this, and you go, \"Okay, that's normal, isn't it?\u00a0 How do I know whether I should jump all over that and get concerned or just figure life will readjust, and I don't need to worry about it?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Whatever you do, you don't need to panic.\u00a0 We don't need to overreact and jump all over them as if they have done something wrong.\u00a0 It's a great time for Mom or Dad to take that teen out for a pizza, or let's go for a ride, or let's go on a picnic, and subtly try to address the situation \u2013 \"You know, you seem like you've been a little sad lately.\u00a0 It's hard being a teenager now, isn't it?\u00a0 It's a lot harder than when I was your age.\u00a0 Is there anything you want to talk to me about?\u00a0 Is there anything that I could pray for you about?\u00a0 I want you to know that I love you, and you're important to me, and everything that's going on in your life matters.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And then your teenager says, \"No, Dad, everything is okay.\"\u00a0 But you know, as a parent, because you've read maybe some diaries, you found some notes, or you've talked to a friend at school, that things aren't good.\u00a0 What would you do then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0You go to the next level \u2013 \"Well, I appreciate, son, you trying to put my mind at ease but, to be quite honest, I've talked with your friend and don't be angry with him because I made him tell me, but he seems to be concerned that you might be thinking about harming yourself.\u00a0 He said even that he'd heard you say you were going to kill yourself, and I just can't let that go, and I've got to do everything I can to help you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And if I'm not the right person to help you, can we find a counselor?\u00a0 Can we go to your youth pastor?\u00a0 Can we find someone that you feel comfortable talking to?\u00a0 And they don't even have to tell me what the two of you talk about, but I love you too much not to pursue this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So you would introduce into the conversation the potential of suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0If I have evidence to believe that my teenager has considered it.\u00a0 If I had the remark of a friend, if I discovered a diary, a journal, something that indicated a preoccupation with death, something that sounded like \"I would be better off dead.\u00a0 Life is meaningless,\" I would rather err on the side of overreacting to something that really wasn't there than to downplay it and say, \"This is just a developmental part of the teen years, and it will pass.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You told me that you started attending a Baptist church nine months before you were born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You grew up in the church, there every Sunday, your dad was a part of church life, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0He was a chairman of the deacons, a Sunday School teacher, very active in our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, some Christian traditions have taught through the years that suicide is evidence of the fact that a person is not genuinely converted; that a person cannot commit suicide and be in heaven.\u00a0 Have you wrestled with that and what conclusions have you come to?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0That singular point is one of the most troubling things that I deal with as a counselor, because whether it's on a suicide hotline, a survivor's group, or someone in my counseling office \u2013 they are always struggling with where is my loved one?\u00a0 Did they lose their salvation by this single act?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The Word makes it very clear \u2013 1 John says if you have the Son, you have life.\u00a0 If you do not have the Son, you do not have life.\u00a0 Eternal life is not based on how we die but what we do with Jesus while we're alive.\u00a0 The idea that suicide is the unpardonable sin is rooted in some very early church history that taught that suicide was an ecclesiastical, or church, crime, and that a person that committed suicide could not be granted absolution for their sins.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is no scriptural evidence whatsoever to support the idea that if you kill yourself you go straight to hell.\u00a0 Interestingly, when I'm talking with someone who is suicidal, and they mention that as a possible reason for not taking their life, I wouldn't say that I lie to them at that point, but I don't try to straighten them out theologically.\u00a0 I say, \"Well, if I were you, then I don't know that I would risk that.\u00a0 If you're not sure that you'd go to heaven if you took your life, then that's a good reason not to take your life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But you're convinced in your own heart that you'll be reunited with your father at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 I would not want to be marshaled before my heavenly Father and have to explain why I took my life, because the Word says we are not our own.\u00a0 We are bought with a price.\u00a0 But I do believe that people who have called on the name of the Lord and are saved \u2013 if their life ends in suicide, in no way does that mean that that person is destined to hell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, as you were talking, I couldn't help but reflect, David, upon a number of letters that we've received over the years here on FamilyLife Today from both those who have attempted suicide and those who are victims, those whose parents or siblings or an aunt or an uncle or a cousin has attempted suicide and been successful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And in those situations, you're looking for hope, you're looking for a word of hope, and I just have to read, at this point, Romans, chapter 8, verse 31 and following \u2013 \"What, then, shall we say to these things?\u00a0 If God is for us, who is against us?\u00a0 He who died did not spare His own Son but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then the passage concludes by saying, \"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer, through Christ who loved us, for I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor things present nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It may be that you're the parent who has to believe that for a teenager who is depressed.\u00a0 Maybe you're a family member, a survivor of suicide where a loved one has taken his or her own life.\u00a0 Perhaps you need to believe that for your life, and you need to embrace that as a follower of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 Frankly, I don't know where I would point you in terms of hope if I didn't have the Scriptures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that's one of the reasons we're grateful that we've got a resource we can offer to folks now \u2013 a book called \"Aftershock,\" that David has written that provides biblical help and hope and healing in the wake of suicide.\u00a0 We've got copies of the book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 You can contact us at 1-800-FLTODAY to request a copy of the book or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This may be a book you'll want to purchase to give to a friend whose family has gone through this.\u00a0 Let me encourage you to call 1-800-FLTODAY and request a copy or, again, go online at FamilyLife.com and order a copy of the book \"Aftershock.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, Bob, I just want to say a word to our listeners \u2013 when you write us, we read your letters, and we listen to what you need and what you want for your marriage, your family, your loved ones, and yesterday's broadcast today, and then again tomorrow we're going to be dealing with the subject again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is the direct result of a letter that came to us from a listener who had experienced firsthand the loss of a teenage son due to suicide.\u00a0 And so as you, as a listener, have needs in your marriage and your family with your children, your extended family, maybe it's with a friend, write us and tell us about those needs, and we want to be here to really help you address these issues, both from a biblical perspective but also one of faith as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0If you need our mailing address, it's available online at FamilyLife.com, or you can send us an e-mail.\u00a0 You can contact us by going to our website.\u00a0 Click where it says \"Contact us,\" and send an e-mail and let us know what kinds of resources and programs we can produce to help you in your marriage and in your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Then let me also say thanks, Dennis, to the folks who support us as a ministry.\u00a0 You make this kind of programming and these kinds of resources possible.\u00a0 We've also created a devotional guide for families that are dealing with grief called \"Encouragement for Broken-Hearted Homes.\"\u00a0 It's available from us here at FamilyLife, and those of you who support us as a ministry make it possible for us to reach out with these resources and provide this broadcast in cities all across the country each day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So we appreciate your ongoing financial support.\u00a0 If you are able to make a donation to FamilyLife Today, it is always appreciated and right now it really helps out.\u00a0 So if you can go online at FamilyLife.com to make a donation or call 1-800-FLTODAY we'd appreciate it.\u00a0 If you want to write a check and mail it to us, find our address on our website at FamilyLife.com or give us a call, and we'll pass the mailing address along to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, tomorrow we're going to look once again at this issue of suicide and talk about what we do with the reality of the aftershock of a suicide.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["10.57M"],"filesize_raw":["11078535"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301329.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301329.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776405791;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"On today's broadcast, marriage and family counselor David Cox helps us understand the suicidal mind.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-03-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0The average teenager who becomes suicidal is above average in intelligence, is usually an over-achiever, might be a bit of a perfectionist, and, certainly, if you know what to look for, you can spot it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The problem is that most teens talk to their friends more than they talk to Mom and Dad.\u00a0 So it might be a good friend that hears about it first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 20th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll offer some strategies and suggestions today for parents who might think a child is suicidal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I wonder if, in a Bible quiz, you could ask what do these people have in common, and if folks would know \u2013 Abimelech, and Samson, King Saul, Saul's armor-bearer, Judas Iscariot \u2013 what do those people have in common?\u00a0 And the interesting thing that ties all of them together is that all of them are biblical examples of people who took their own lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right, and it is a growing concern for every parent and, for that matter, our entire culture, because suicide, in general, in the population as a whole, has increased about 40 percent since 1960.\u00a0 But among teenagers, it is, today, the leading cause of death.\u00a0 Now, think about that.\u00a0 For all of the concerns we have about how our kids drive and issues of drugs and alcohol, the number-one cause of death today in teenagers is suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I don't know of many parents who raise a teen all the way through the process who don't at one point or another worry a little bit about a child who withdraws or becomes a little depressed about what's going on in life.\u00a0 And so we looked around for a heaven-class resource for you, as a listener and your family, and found Dr. David Cox, who is a marriage and family coach from Spartanburg, South Carolina, and he joins us for a second day on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 David, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Thank you, Dennis.\u00a0 It's good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0David has been counseling for, now, how many years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Seventeen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Seventeen years.\u00a0 He and his wife, Kelly, have five children and David, himself is a personal survivor of suicide.\u00a0 As we mentioned yesterday, his father committed suicide when he was nine years old, and David has done his postgraduate work in the area of counseling and suicide intervention and prevention, and we're grateful that, David, you've written a book called \"Aftershock,\" along with Candy Arrington \u2013 \"Help, Hope, and Healing in the Wake of Suicide.\"\u00a0 And I have to ask you here at the start of this broadcast \u2013 why does an individual take his life or her life?\u00a0 What's at the bottom of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0I'm not sure anyone has ever really come up with an answer for that.\u00a0 Because for someone to be at that point, they are in such a place of despair that anyone who has never been there really cannot understand what that feels like.\u00a0 The common theme is hopelessness \u2013 a sense that my problems will never get any better.\u00a0 Many people who are suicidal are under the myth that their family members would be better off without them.\u00a0 How tragic and how untrue that is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Most of us have seen the Christmastime classic movie, \"It's a Wonderful Life,\" where George Bailey finds himself facing financial ruin, despair, hopelessness.\u00a0 He comes home, the kids are driving him crazy, and he realizes that there's going to be great shame brought upon the family, and he grabs that life insurance policy and heads to the bridge and thinks, \"I'd be better off dead.\u00a0 Everybody would be better off.\u00a0 It would be better for everyone else if I'd never been born.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's interesting how that movie has become such a dominant part of the culture, even as we tend not to talk about suicide, we can all resonate, at some level, with what's going on in his soul, can't we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0We can, and I keep a copy of that movie on video in my desk to give out to very special people who I know that movie will speak to them in a very powerful way.\u00a0 I've only been able to watch that movie one time because it is so moving and so poignant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I've heard it said that suicide is the most selfish act a human being ever commits, and I think I would used to have said I would have subscribed to that, having been near some situations and some families where that had occurred.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But then I hurt my neck one time digging some holes, and actually slipped a disk, number seven, and the pain was so intense, I could not get away from it.\u00a0 I would be driving down the road with my head cockeyed, trying to get it at an angle to reduce the pressure on that disk, and I began to get a little depressed, and the pain began to define my life to such a degree I went to see a physician.\u00a0 I said, \"Cut on me.\u00a0 I don't care how long the sword is.\u00a0 Open me up and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 take care of this thing \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 fix the pain.\u00a0 And I've since reflected back on that experience.\u00a0 I didn't have to have surgery.\u00a0 I was able to rehab it and do some exercises that got me through it, but I've thought often \u2013 you know what?\u00a0 When someone's in pain, and your life is defined by pain, I know it is selfish to want to be out from under that pain, but I'm not sure it's fair to characterize a man like your father who took his own life when you were nine years old as being selfish.\u00a0 What would you say about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0I agree with that completely, Dennis.\u00a0 It is about self, but it's not selfish in the ways that we think of that word \u2013 self-indulgent or me first or I want my needs met.\u00a0 In many ways, for the suicidal mind, it is almost an act of self-sacrifice.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I believe in my father's case, he really believed that because of the magnitude of our financial problems, the only way out was his life insurance.\u00a0 So in his mind, as flawed as that was, and as much as we would have glad to have had him in lieu of any money that his death might have brought to the family, millions of dollars could not have replaced him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But to think about that person being in so much pain that they see death as the only way out, is the clearest way to understand the suicidal mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's a relief to them, it's a relief to the family, they'll no longer have me to have to worry about, and you could see, Bob, why a teenager \u2013 because the teenage years are very self-focused, as well, and you can see why this is the leading cause of death among teens.\u00a0 It plays to something that's taking place in their lives as a time of emotional upheaval, an identity crisis, maybe they don't fit in with their friends, maybe they dabble in drugs, alcohol, which can add to the depression.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let's pull back for a second, though, and talk to parents about how you might be able to discover a child is thinking about suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Can you spot this?\u00a0 Can you sit down and look at a teenager and go, \"I wonder if he or she is a candidate for suicide?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0If you know what to look for, you can spot it.\u00a0 The problem is that most teens talk to their friends more than they talk to Mom and Dad, so it might be a good friend that hears about it first.\u00a0 But, certainly, if you see marked changes in their academic performance, if they are sleeping a lot, if they talk about death, if they seem to have a preoccupation with death \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 like writing poetry about death or letters about death, maybe the way they dress, as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0The way they dress, changes in their grooming habits, personal hygiene.\u00a0 Our teens are under such pressure today to be perfect \u2013 look at television and the image that is presented is that you must be perfect and beautiful and athletic and rich and smart, and the average teenager who becomes suicidal is above average in intelligence; is usually an over-achiever; might be a bit of a perfectionist and, Dennis, I believe that the growing rates of divorce in our families \u2013 you hear statistics now of one out of every two marriages ending in divorce.\u00a0 Well, that means half of those homes \u2013 half of the homes where teenagers live \u2013 those teenagers are automatically predisposed to depression and then to suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Do you know what the statistics are about a child being at a greater risk as a result of divorce?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Children of divorce are two to three times more likely to be depressed and suicidal than a child who is in a home where divorce has not occurred.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Is everybody who is experiencing despair and depression a candidate for suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0I don't believe so in terms of will they actually act on it.\u00a0 It's refreshing for me to see the Apostle Paul mention twice in Scripture, once in Philippians, chapter 1, and another in 2 Corinthians, Chapter 1.\u00a0 He says, \"I despaired even of life itself.\u00a0 I desired to depart from this life.\u00a0 Everybody who is honest with themselves at one time or another has thought, \"If I wasn't alive tomorrow, I wouldn't have to take that test,\" or \"I wouldn't have to face that boss,\" or \"I wouldn't have to pay those bills,\" or go through this surgery or face the death of a loved one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So everyone, I think, has thought about it, and not everyone who is in crisis is at risk for suicide, but folks who are not getting some ministry or not getting some counseling, who are not working through their feelings, who do not talk about them, people have a hard time with forgiveness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The Book of Hebrews says, \"See to it that no root of bitterness spring up in you, for it will defile everything.\"\u00a0 Angry people tend to get depressed.\u00a0 Depression is best described as anger turned inward and unresolved depression can grow into a suicidal crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0David, you write in your book that there's a difference between a suicidal gesture and a suicidal attempt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0The difference, Dennis, a gesture is not as serious as an attempt.\u00a0 A gesture may be something as insignificant as somebody saying, \"I wish I were dead,\" or composing a suicide note.\u00a0 An attempt is actually some sort of behavior that injures or harms the person in some way.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What you're determining there is something called \"lethality.\"\u00a0 If someone has the means where they would harm themselves, as you talk about it with them, they tell you, \"This is how I would do it.\u00a0 This is how I would attempt the suicide.\"\u00a0 Then we're looking at an impending gesture.\u00a0 We're in what I call a \"get the gun\" mode.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's more important that you intervene and try to prevent the suicide and then get them some ministry and help later.\u00a0 But someone who just talks about being very sad \u2013 \"I really don't have much to live for,\" \"There are times that I have thought about taking my life\" \u2013 they are gesturing at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, here's what happens, though, as a parent.\u00a0 You watch a child, and you watch them sink into this despair, and you watch them sink deeper, and you wonder what do I do?\u00a0 Where do I go?\u00a0 How do I handle this?\u00a0 What are the steps?\u00a0 What if I intervene, and it repels the child?\u00a0 What if I lose my relationship with the child?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I've found, in talking with parents as well as raising six children of our own \u2013 just going through those internal battles of self-doubt, second-guessing yourself in the decision \u2013 if a parent sees these things taking place, he or she needs to initiate, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 The worst thing to do is nothing.\u00a0 Don't believe the lie, \"Well, this is just a developmental situation.\u00a0 All teens go through this.\u00a0 They will grow out of it.\"\u00a0 Get the child some help.\u00a0 I would certainly involve their youth minister if you were involved in a church.\u00a0 Jesus said, \"A prophet is without honor in his own land.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It may be that Mom and Dad might not be the ones to be able to talk to this teen.\u00a0 A physical checkup is a good idea; take him to a family physician, have them screened for depression.\u00a0 It might be a chemical imbalance.\u00a0 Teens are growing very quickly and sometimes their bodies sort of outgrow themselves at times.\u00a0 It might be a clinical depression that they have going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I've recommended parents talk to some of their children's peers at school.\u00a0 In other words, the friends they hang out with, their \"best\" buddy or friend and ask them the question \u2013 \"Has my son or daughter ever talked about suicide?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0And they will know things that you don't know, and the risk that you mentioned earlier of, \"Well, what if I alienate my teenager?\u00a0 What if I damage the relationship with them?\"\u00a0 Dennis, I doubt that would happen, because most people, at any age, who are depressed and suicidal, are so relieved that someone sees the pain and reaches out to them.\u00a0 It's really a comfort to that teen to know that Mom and Dad loves them enough that they are able to see between the lines and see when there's a deep problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm a parent of teenagers, and I'm thinking of those times throughout the teen years when a child is cut off from the group \u2013 discouraged, coming home, going up to their room, shutting the door, playing guitar, not wanting to talk to anybody.\u00a0 They come out of the cave for a while, you know, and you say, \"How are you doing?\"\u00a0 \"I'm fine.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0As a parent, you hear a broadcast like this, and you go, \"Okay, that's normal, isn't it?\u00a0 How do I know whether I should jump all over that and get concerned or just figure life will readjust, and I don't need to worry about it?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Whatever you do, you don't need to panic.\u00a0 We don't need to overreact and jump all over them as if they have done something wrong.\u00a0 It's a great time for Mom or Dad to take that teen out for a pizza, or let's go for a ride, or let's go on a picnic, and subtly try to address the situation \u2013 \"You know, you seem like you've been a little sad lately.\u00a0 It's hard being a teenager now, isn't it?\u00a0 It's a lot harder than when I was your age.\u00a0 Is there anything you want to talk to me about?\u00a0 Is there anything that I could pray for you about?\u00a0 I want you to know that I love you, and you're important to me, and everything that's going on in your life matters.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And then your teenager says, \"No, Dad, everything is okay.\"\u00a0 But you know, as a parent, because you've read maybe some diaries, you found some notes, or you've talked to a friend at school, that things aren't good.\u00a0 What would you do then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0You go to the next level \u2013 \"Well, I appreciate, son, you trying to put my mind at ease but, to be quite honest, I've talked with your friend and don't be angry with him because I made him tell me, but he seems to be concerned that you might be thinking about harming yourself.\u00a0 He said even that he'd heard you say you were going to kill yourself, and I just can't let that go, and I've got to do everything I can to help you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And if I'm not the right person to help you, can we find a counselor?\u00a0 Can we go to your youth pastor?\u00a0 Can we find someone that you feel comfortable talking to?\u00a0 And they don't even have to tell me what the two of you talk about, but I love you too much not to pursue this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So you would introduce into the conversation the potential of suicide?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0If I have evidence to believe that my teenager has considered it.\u00a0 If I had the remark of a friend, if I discovered a diary, a journal, something that indicated a preoccupation with death, something that sounded like \"I would be better off dead.\u00a0 Life is meaningless,\" I would rather err on the side of overreacting to something that really wasn't there than to downplay it and say, \"This is just a developmental part of the teen years, and it will pass.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You told me that you started attending a Baptist church nine months before you were born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You grew up in the church, there every Sunday, your dad was a part of church life, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0He was a chairman of the deacons, a Sunday School teacher, very active in our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, some Christian traditions have taught through the years that suicide is evidence of the fact that a person is not genuinely converted; that a person cannot commit suicide and be in heaven.\u00a0 Have you wrestled with that and what conclusions have you come to?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0That singular point is one of the most troubling things that I deal with as a counselor, because whether it's on a suicide hotline, a survivor's group, or someone in my counseling office \u2013 they are always struggling with where is my loved one?\u00a0 Did they lose their salvation by this single act?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The Word makes it very clear \u2013 1 John says if you have the Son, you have life.\u00a0 If you do not have the Son, you do not have life.\u00a0 Eternal life is not based on how we die but what we do with Jesus while we're alive.\u00a0 The idea that suicide is the unpardonable sin is rooted in some very early church history that taught that suicide was an ecclesiastical, or church, crime, and that a person that committed suicide could not be granted absolution for their sins.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is no scriptural evidence whatsoever to support the idea that if you kill yourself you go straight to hell.\u00a0 Interestingly, when I'm talking with someone who is suicidal, and they mention that as a possible reason for not taking their life, I wouldn't say that I lie to them at that point, but I don't try to straighten them out theologically.\u00a0 I say, \"Well, if I were you, then I don't know that I would risk that.\u00a0 If you're not sure that you'd go to heaven if you took your life, then that's a good reason not to take your life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But you're convinced in your own heart that you'll be reunited with your father at some point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDavid:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 I would not want to be marshaled before my heavenly Father and have to explain why I took my life, because the Word says we are not our own.\u00a0 We are bought with a price.\u00a0 But I do believe that people who have called on the name of the Lord and are saved \u2013 if their life ends in suicide, in no way does that mean that that person is destined to hell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, as you were talking, I couldn't help but reflect, David, upon a number of letters that we've received over the years here on FamilyLife Today from both those who have attempted suicide and those who are victims, those whose parents or siblings or an aunt or an uncle or a cousin has attempted suicide and been successful.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And in those situations, you're looking for hope, you're looking for a word of hope, and I just have to read, at this point, Romans, chapter 8, verse 31 and following \u2013 \"What, then, shall we say to these things?\u00a0 If God is for us, who is against us?\u00a0 He who died did not spare His own Son but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then the passage concludes by saying, \"But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer, through Christ who loved us, for I am convinced that neither death nor life nor angels nor principalities nor things present nor things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It may be that you're the parent who has to believe that for a teenager who is depressed.\u00a0 Maybe you're a family member, a survivor of suicide where a loved one has taken his or her own life.\u00a0 Perhaps you need to believe that for your life, and you need to embrace that as a follower of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 Frankly, I don't know where I would point you in terms of hope if I didn't have the Scriptures.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that's one of the reasons we're grateful that we've got a resource we can offer to folks now \u2013 a book called \"Aftershock,\" that David has written that provides biblical help and hope and healing in the wake of suicide.\u00a0 We've got copies of the book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 You can contact us at 1-800-FLTODAY to request a copy of the book or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This may be a book you'll want to purchase to give to a friend whose family has gone through this.\u00a0 Let me encourage you to call 1-800-FLTODAY and request a copy or, again, go online at FamilyLife.com and order a copy of the book \"Aftershock.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, Bob, I just want to say a word to our listeners \u2013 when you write us, we read your letters, and we listen to what you need and what you want for your marriage, your family, your loved ones, and yesterday's broadcast today, and then again tomorrow we're going to be dealing with the subject again.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is the direct result of a letter that came to us from a listener who had experienced firsthand the loss of a teenage son due to suicide.\u00a0 And so as you, as a listener, have needs in your marriage and your family with your children, your extended family, maybe it's with a friend, write us and tell us about those needs, and we want to be here to really help you address these issues, both from a biblical perspective but also one of faith as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0If you need our mailing address, it's available online at FamilyLife.com, or you can send us an e-mail.\u00a0 You can contact us by going to our website.\u00a0 Click where it says \"Contact us,\" and send an e-mail and let us know what kinds of resources and programs we can produce to help you in your marriage and in your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Then let me also say thanks, Dennis, to the folks who support us as a ministry.\u00a0 You make this kind of programming and these kinds of resources possible.\u00a0 We've also created a devotional guide for families that are dealing with grief called \"Encouragement for Broken-Hearted Homes.\"\u00a0 It's available from us here at FamilyLife, and those of you who support us as a ministry make it possible for us to reach out with these resources and provide this broadcast in cities all across the country each day.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So we appreciate your ongoing financial support.\u00a0 If you are able to make a donation to FamilyLife Today, it is always appreciated and right now it really helps out.\u00a0 So if you can go online at FamilyLife.com to make a donation or call 1-800-FLTODAY we'd appreciate it.\u00a0 If you want to write a check and mail it to us, find our address on our website at FamilyLife.com or give us a call, and we'll pass the mailing address along to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, tomorrow we're going to look once again at this issue of suicide and talk about what we do with the reality of the aftershock of a suicide.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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