{"id":301305,"date":"2007-02-14T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-02-14T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife\/"},"modified":"2007-02-14T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-02-14T17:00:00","slug":"the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife\/","title":{"rendered":"The Top 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Today on the broadcast, popular author Barbara Rainey, wife of  &#8220;FamilyLife Today&#8221; host Dennis Rainey, encourages couples not to let the demands of everyday life snuff out the romance that first brought them together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today on the broadcast, popular author Barbara Rainey, wife of  &#8220;FamilyLife Today&#8221; host Dennis Rainey, encourages couples not to let the demands of everyday life snuff out the romance that first brought them together.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-02-14.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"14.35M","filesize_raw":"15043970","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4086,4926,2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7505],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301305","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-barbara-on-romance","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301305\/the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301305\/the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"FdTH5qBvVp\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife\/\">The Top 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-top-10-ways-to-romance-your-wife\/embed\/#?secret=FdTH5qBvVp\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Top 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"FdTH5qBvVp\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Today on the broadcast, popular author Barbara Rainey, wife of \"FamilyLife Today\" host Dennis Rainey, encourages couples not to let the demands of everyday life snuff out the romance that first brought them together.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-02-14.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Welcome to FamilyLife Today and, for some reason, maybe because it's Valentine's Day, I have this song stuck in my head from Nat King Cole in the '50s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Nat King Cole singing \"L-O-V-E\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Some of our listeners who may have tuned in in the middle of that song and thought, \"Am I on the right station?\"\u00a0 Don't touch that dial, ladies and gentlemen, you are at the right place.\u00a0 This is FamilyLife Today, the Wednesday edition, the Valentine's Day edition of our program.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This week we've had the opportunity to have Barbara Rainey joining us on the program.\u00a0 Barbara, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We're actually going to work our way through a top 10 list this week.\u00a0 This is a top 10 list that is based on some research that you had done at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences all across the country where you ask husbands and wives to talk about the subject of romance and about what communicates romance to you in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Actually, this top 10 list of romantic acts came from both men and women, but what we determine as we ask the question, the word \"romance\" is a feminine term.\u00a0 What communicates romance to a man is so different than what communicates romance to a woman \u2013 what we found as we asked over 800 people at our FamilyLife Marriage Conferences is that men would answer the question about what communicated romance to their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So they use romance as a feminine term?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, let me go over the list, Barbara, and I\u2019m going to go from 10 to 1, and I'll read what people indicated expressed romance, and then I want to know, as a man I want to know if any of this is A+B, you know, I'm trying to still put it into the equation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0You mean the greatest?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\u00a0 I'm just trying to get an idea of how I can keep these ideas in front of me and sprinkle them into a relationship as a way to express romance, again, with no hidden agenda.\u00a0 Number 10, holding hands, particularly, is romantic for a woman.\u00a0 Do you like holding hands with Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Mm-hm.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you initiate that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah, we both do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You reach over and take his hand, and he'll reach over and take your hands?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Uh-huh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Why is that romantic for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Oh, I think it just communicates closeness, it communicates \u2013 I do it because I say I want to be close to you, and I like you, and you're my friend, and I want to be next to you.\u00a0 I mean, those are the kinds of things that communicates to me, and that's the reason that I initiate it, and I think that's probably the same for him, too.\u00a0 So I think it's the closeness that it communicates.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 How about number 9, which is massage \u2013 footrubs, backrubs, scratching your back, massaging one another \u2013 rubbing the neck.\u00a0 Do you like when Dennis reaches over and rubs the back of your neck?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0See, I'm learning to like that.\u00a0 I didn't like that in the early years of our marriage, but I have learned to like that in the last, gosh, five years, three, four, or five years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Dennis, massage oftentimes will have a sexual connotation, and some women may pull back from liking massage because they think it's just foreplay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Exactly.\u00a0 I think that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So if it's non-sexual massage, where it's just \"let me rub your back, and you can fall asleep,\" and that's okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Oh, I think so, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Number 8 on the list is serving \u2013 serving the other person \u2013 common courtesies \u2013 opening the door, holding a chair out for somebody, doing little acts of sacrifice.\u00a0 Is that romantic for a woman?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah, I don't think that \u2013 to me, I don't think of that as being as romantic, if I had to define them as, say, holding hands.\u00a0 But, again, I think it's important to do.\u00a0 I think it says I'm denying myself for you.\u00a0 I'm going to let you go first.\u00a0 I'm going to help you or I'm going to serve you, and I think that anytime a husband can serve his wife sacrificially and do something for her, he's communicating to her that he cares about her and that he loves her and she's special, and he wants to make her feel special.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Let me make a comment on this next one \u2013 number 7 \u2013 because this made this spot in the combined list.\u00a0 But this was selected numero uno by the men \u2013 75 percent of the men picked this item as number one of what was most romantic.\u00a0 So this, again, kind of lets you know the men viewed this substantially heavier and weightier than the women did because together it became number 7.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So men had it an number 1, women \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Women must have had it a lot lower for the average to be 7, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It must have been a lot lower.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And number 7 is a kiss.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And unexpected kiss, a nibble on the back of the ear or the neck or the \u2013 just kissing each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, why do you think, Barbara, the women would have ranked that so much differently than the men?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Because I think that probably, if the truth be known, they would feel like it was tied to something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So if he opens that door, she doesn't feel he's up to something, but if he kisses her, she wonders what's going on in the back of his mind?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0She might go, okay, yeah, right, \"I wonder what he's thinking?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And the rest of this list, really, if you look at it, with the exception of this and the massage, really are statements of a relationship, and women view romance through the eyes of a relationship.\u00a0 They want to be one, they want to be courted, they want to be pursued, they want to be loved, known, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0\u2026 understand, accepted \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 there you go \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0\u2026 valued, appreciated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0She knows the words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0On and on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Why did I even try, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, you did a good job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It just wasn't complete.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0All right, number 10 was holding hands; number 9, massage; number 8, serving one another, opening doors, common courtesies; number 7, kissing; number 6 was walking.\u00a0 Now, there's a real romantic activity \u2013 walking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That sounded cynical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Walking, going on hikes \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It was said by a man, see?\u00a0 All he's doing is \u2013 he's dropping his guard for a moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm just guessing this didn't go at the top of the men's list.\u00a0 Hey, there's a romantic 30 minutes.\u00a0 We went on a walk together.\u00a0 But that's romantic for women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, it's very relational.\u00a0 I think if you go for a walk, chances are you're going to go for a walk away from daily responsibilities, away from the telephone, away from the television, away from the children, away from work, away from whatever, and it allows you to focus on the relationship without having to sit on a couch and look each other eye-to-eye and be relational, which is sometimes very threatening.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But you can go for a walk and both be facing in the same direction and have a conversation without it being threatening to either party, usually.\u00a0 I mean, you could get into a topic that could be real threatening but, more than likely, it's not, and it means, to a wife, that her husband was willing to take the time to initiate being with her in a non-sexual way, and I think taking a walk is probably a very romantic thing for most women for that reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Number 5 on the list \u2013 something written \u2013 written notes or letters or poems or cards or notes on the bathroom mirror, or just some written reminder of affection.\u00a0 Is that romantic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Mm-hm, I think it is.\u00a0 In fact, I was cleaning our bathroom yesterday.\u00a0 I spent about two hours cleaning our bathroom, and I found this note, and I don't know how old it was, but Dennis had taped a note in the bathroom, and it said, \"Have you found all the little notes around that say how much I love you?\"\u00a0 And I had saved it and kind of taped it on the side of the closet wall, and I'd forgotten it was there, and the tape had come loose, and it had fallen to the floor, and I picked it up when I was cleaning yesterday, and it was just another reminder, even though it wasn't recently written \u2013 it was probably a year or two old.\u00a0 I really can't remember when it was, but it was just fun to see that and read it again, and I thought, you know, that's still true.\u00a0 And I don't know what the notes all were, but it was fun to see that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The thing about a conversation is conversations can often be interrupted, whether it's on the phone or in person and by all kinds of different things, but a letter can be read over and over again and treasured.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, top 10 again \u2013 number 10, hands; number 9, massage; number 8, serving one another; number 7, kiss; number 6, walking; number 5, something written; number 4, going out on a date \u2013 time away, dates with no kids, dinner out, weekend at a bed-and-breakfast \u2013 just time along together on dates.\u00a0 Is that romantic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah, mm-hm.\u00a0 I think, for the same reason, again, I think a wife feels that she is the focus of her husband's attention.\u00a0 I think she feels undistracted by whatever is going on in her life, and so she can again renew that relationship, which is what she wants, with her husband.\u00a0 She wants a relationship, and when she's got a block of time, whether it's an evening out or a weekend away, she feels like, \"I've got him to myself, we can get to know each other.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, again, it needs to be genuine from him, from the heart, without strings attached, which, I know is hard to do, but, again, that's what's going to communicate love to her \u2013 when she knows that he is doing this for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That really ties to number 3, which is meals.\u00a0 Number 4 is a date together, number is having meals together, special meals, candlelight, quiet dinner alone, picnics, a breakfast out together \u2013 those kinds of events.\u00a0 What is it about a picnic away or Dennis saying, \"Let's go out and have breakfast, just the two of us.\"\u00a0 What is it about that that's romantic?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Oh, I think it's the unexpected.\u00a0 I think it's, again, I'm thinking of you and I want to spend some time with you.\u00a0 And I think it's a safe thing to do.\u00a0 I mean, going out on a picnic in the middle of the day, it's just a real risk-free, highly relational time to spend together.\u00a0 And I think the more variety there is in that, like the one that jumps off the list that you just read to me is picnic, because that's one we've done so seldom, and that would be, to me, the most fun, because that's one we just hardly have ever done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I think keeping variety in it is really a good idea.\u00a0 There's lots of ways to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm just checking here, making notes here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0He knows, we've talked about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's just hard to pull off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0All right, number 2 is touch, and with this we're not talking about sexual touch, we're talking about holding or hugs or cuddling or affection in public, but things that may have a non-sexual side to them.\u00a0 And yet, even as I say that, I think, for a lot of women, being touched may always feel sexual to them.\u00a0 They may, like with a kiss or with a massage, wonder what's really behind this, mightn't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, I think so, but I think that's where a husband needs to know his wife, and he needs to ask her questions, he needs to seek to understand who she is and where she's coming from, and why she feels the way she does and how she will respond to different things, because it may be that she will feel somewhat suspicious with physical touch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so he may need to assure her, you know, \"I just want to hug you because I love you.\u00a0 No strings attached, I'm just committed to you, and that's all I want you to know\" \u2013 or something that helps her understand his meaning or his intent behind it, because I do think that, just like with holding hands, it communicates closeness, it communicates, \"I like you.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think hugs and other kinds of affection that's non-sexual affection, sends the same message \u2013 it communicates \"I like you, and I want to be close to you, and I think you're a neat person.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0One of the bestsellers at our FamilyLife Marriage Conference is Ed Wheat's book, \"Love Life for Every Married Couple,\" and it's a book about romance, and when I first read this a number of years ago, I kind of laughed that he would need to take three pages in the book to give married couples exercises for learning how to touch one another.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But on page 184 through 186, he has 25 suggestions for touching.\u00a0 I think he's onto something here, to give us some practical thoughts about how to re-ignite exploration through tender touching of one another's bodies.\u00a0 I think when we get married, the familiarity with one another causes the loss of the intrigue, the exploration, and the excitement, and I think Dr. Wheat does a great job of giving us some practical projects that couples, I think, will find exciting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I've got to imagine there are some men who are saying, \"This sounds to me like a contradiction in terms\" \u2013 non-sexual touching just \u2013 I mean \u2013 I can do that, sure, but in the back of my mind, touching is, for me, sexually stimulating, whether it's holding hands; whether it's putting my arm around my wife; whether it's re-imagining the things we did on dates \u2013 that has a sexual dimension, and for me not to have the sexual dimension fulfilled is a sacrifice on my part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's the point.\u00a0 I think to have those feelings is normal.\u00a0 To deny that you have those feelings is not healthy.\u00a0 I think it's okay to experience attraction, arousal, at that point.\u00a0 I think what our wives are looking for is such a premium, such a value placed upon the relationship and who she is, that we are willing to set aside those desires and not take that touch toward what we, as men, would know would be intended objective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0All right, let me read through the list here again \u2013 number 10, holding hands; number 9, massage; number 8, serving one another; number 7, a kiss; number 6, walking together; number 5, written love notes to one another; number 4, going out on dates; number 3, having meals together; number 2 is non-sexual touching.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And number 1 is not diamonds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It is not a diamond on her finger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Number 1 \u2013 the most romantic act according to respondents at the FamilyLife Marriage Conference \u2013 do you want to say what it was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Go ahead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's flowers \u2013 delivered, hand-picked, bringing them home, a single rose, it doesn't seem to matter.\u00a0 I'll never forget being at a FamilyLife Marriage Conference where I was speaking, and I got \u2013 we were all waiting for the elevator, a whole group of us waiting for the elevator, and when the elevator car came, here came the guy holding a dozen roses, and he walked off.\u00a0 He was the flower delivery guy.\u00a0 And every woman at the elevator turned to watch, to see which room in the hotel he was going at, and they watched, and they watched, nobody got on the elevator.\u00a0 They just watched.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0How funny.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And, finally, he went down the hall and, finally, he stopped at a room, and as soon as he did, all these women kind of turned to their husband and glared at him, like, \"That wasn't our room.\u00a0 How come you didn't send me flowers?\"\u00a0 There is something \u2013 what is it about flowers, Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, I think flowers say that you're special, I think it's the surprise that comes with flowers, I think it's because they're unexpected, I think because it's a frivolous thing that communicates, you are so special that I'm willing to spend money on something that's going to wilt and die in two days, and it doesn't matter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I think it communicates love.\u00a0 I think it says lots of things to a woman about love and about her being a special person, a valued person, an appreciated person that her husband is willing to do that for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When Dennis brings home flowers, do you immediately stop and think, \"What's he up to?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I don't think I have, I really don't think I have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So we go through this top 10 list, as men, we look at all of the non-sexual things that are on the list, and we say, \"Are you saying I just need to keep doing these over and over again, mixing them in, a little bit here, a little bit there, and expect nothing in return?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah, but I think husbands need to ask the Lord to help them be creative and ask the Lord to help them think of their wives and ask God to help them understand and pursue, because it isn't \u2013 again, as we've talked about a formula several different times, it isn't going to be formula, and you don't want to overuse a particular thing, whether it's flowers or holding hands or whatever, but I think that the idea is that a woman wants to feel special and valued and appreciated and all of those words I've been using, and I think she needs to feel that from her husband in different ways at different times in unique opportunities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What would you say to the man who said, \"There is not a creative bone in my body, and my wife is always saying to me, 'I wish you'd be more romantic,'\" but his idea of spending a romantic evening is sitting in front of the tube and watching a National Geographic Special on the platypus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0It sounds pretty bad.\u00a0 Well, I would say two things.\u00a0 I would say, one, if he has a relationship with Jesus Christ, he's related to the Creator of the Universe, and God is able to give him some creative thoughts.\u00a0 Whether they are original to him or God shows him something that someone else has done or given him an idea from somebody else, the Lord can help a man be creative. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then, secondly, I would say to him, if he would turn off his television, that is a very romantic thing for a woman, because it communicates that he cares more about her than he does about watching TV.\u00a0 And I think he can turn off that TV, and he can communicate volumes just by that.\u00a0 He doesn't have to be \u2013 I mean, that's not a creative thing, and he may be thinking of something extravagant.\u00a0 That's not extravagant, but that is an act of self-sacrifice, and anything that he does to deny himself for her will feel loving, and it's loving that the woman wants to feel.\u00a0 She wants to feel loved and cared for, and that will communicate love and care to his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, this is going to sound redundant, but just listening to all of this, I think \u2013 I thought romance was supposed to be fun, and this doesn't sound like as much fun as I had hoped it would be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But I think it is fun.\u00a0 I think it is fun to find out what communicates romance to my wife \u2013 a unique woman, given as an assignment by God to love, and part of that caring and cherishing of her is to unravel the ball of twine that maybe at points, so much of a challenge, I'd go, \"Oh, just for an easy evening, just to have something simple to be able to do.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But it has been fun to love Barbara.\u00a0 Now, have there been moments it's been a challenge?\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 But I think romance is the sugar and spice of a relationship and of a friendship that adds the spark, the fun, the creativity and, yes, is it hard work?\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 But, hey, haven't most things in life that have really been worthwhile come through really having to pay a price for them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And it may not be fun in the way you've always defined fun, because I've learned to enjoy a lot of things through the years as being married to Dennis, because he has introduced me to things that I would have never done on my own and, likewise, he has learned to enjoy things that he would have never done if it weren't for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I think we need to be willing to have our definition of fun broadened, because it will be fun, but it may be fun in a different way than what you're thinking and be willing to try something new.\u00a0 You may like it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The activity is really simply a facilitator for relationship, for you to be able to spend time together as a couple.\u00a0 One of the chapters that you wrote in the book, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" Barbara, is a chapter called \"Putting Your Husband First.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We've got to make romance and companionship and time together a priority, and it does take some intentionality, and it does take some effort, and it takes some guidance.\u00a0 And I think both of you, in the book that you wrote, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" have given us great guidance on this subject. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is a book that many of our listeners have read.\u00a0 Those of you who have not read the book, we want to make it available to you.\u00a0 It's in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go to our website, FamilyLife.com, and if you click the red button in the middle of the screen that says \"Go,\" it's a heart-shaped button in honor of Valentine's DAY.\u00a0 You can click that button, it will take you right to a page where you can get more information about the book, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Half of the book for husbands, half of the book for wives, and it's okay for the husband to read the wife's half of the book and for the wife to read the husband's half of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In addition to that book, we also have a 31-day devotional that the two of you have written called \"Moments Together for Intimacy,\" and any of our listeners who would like to get copies of both books, we'll be happy to send along at no additional cost the CD audio of our conversation this week on the subject of romance with Barbara Rainey, something you may want to listen to again together or pass along to someone who would benefit from hearing this material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Maybe it's one of your adult children or maybe it's just a friend you know in the workplace or in the neighborhood or at church.\u00a0 We'll send the CD along, again, at no additional cost when you get a copy of the book, \"Rekindling the Romance,\" and the 31-day devotional guide, \"Moments Together for Intimacy,\" and you can order that from our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Again, click that red button that says \"Go,\" that's in the middle of the screen, and that will take you right to the area of the site where you can order these resources.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Or call us at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Someone on our team can let you know how you can get any of these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, for any of you who are able to help the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount this month, we would like to make available to you a thank you gift.\u00a0 We have a CD that features two messages \u2013 one from Pastor C.J. Mahaney, and the other from his wife, Carolyn.\u00a0 C.J. talks to men about romance basics, Romance 101 for us guys, and Carolyn has a similar message for wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We'd like to send this CD to you as our way of saying thank you for your financial support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today during the month of February.\u00a0 You can request a copy when you make a donation online at FamilyLife.com, and as you're filling out the online form, you'll see a keycode box.\u00a0 Just type the word \"love\" in that keycode box, and we'll know to send the CD out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Or if you're making your donation by telephone at 1-800-FLTODAY, just request a copy of the February CD of the month, and we'll be happy to send it out to you.\u00a0 Again, it features C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney talking about romance in marriage.\u00a0 And it's our thank you gift to you this month when you support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we want to head in a different direction.\u00a0 We want to talk with Sharon Hersh about mothers and daughters and this whole subject of sexuality in high school and in college and what does a mom say to a daughter when a daughter says, \"Mom, sex is not that big a deal.\u00a0 Everybody is doing it.\"\u00a0 We'll talk about that tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Mark Whitlock, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301305","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301305"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301305"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301305"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301305"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}