{"id":301295,"date":"2007-02-01T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-02-01T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-art-of-dating\/"},"modified":"2007-02-01T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-02-01T17:00:00","slug":"the-art-of-dating","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-art-of-dating\/","title":{"rendered":"The ART of Dating"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>On today&#8217;s broadcast, Tommy Nelson, senior pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas opens the Song of Solomon to gather helpful advice for today&#8217;s dating man or woman.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-02-01.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"14.83M","filesize_raw":"15546621","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4927,4527,2877],"podcast_series":[7302],"cwp_profile":[8887],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301295","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-challenges","tag-communication","tag-marriage","podcast_series-the-song-of-solomon","cwp_profile-tom-nelson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301295\/the-art-of-dating","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301295\/the-art-of-dating","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"211o6Tawe4\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-art-of-dating\/\">The ART of Dating<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-art-of-dating\/embed\/#?secret=211o6Tawe4\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The ART of Dating&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"211o6Tawe4\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"On today's broadcast, Tommy Nelson, senior pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas opens the Song of Solomon to gather helpful advice for today's dating man or woman.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-02-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Many couples today don't understand how to have a godly marriage relationship.\u00a0 Pastor Tommy Nelson says one reason is because those same couples never understood how to have a godly relationship before they were married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0There's three things needed in a dating relationship \u2013 time, cultivation, and restraint.\u00a0 Because when you spent time regarding and respecting a person, the natural phenomena of romance is to give yourself.\u00a0 That's the way we're made, and you've got to shut it down; you've got to take care of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, February 1st.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll hear today about the healthy art of pursuing one another before and after marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 I think dating and courtship have become something of a lost art \u2013 not just for singles but think about married couples.\u00a0 We talk to a lot of married couples who tell us that it didn't take long after the wedding vows were exchanged before the romance was gone from their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Marriage has robbed a lot of couples of their romance, and a lot of guys think that the prize is won; that she is his now forever; and that he doesn't need to cultivate the fire that should burn between them as a couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you continue to try to court your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 I mean, if you didn't, what would happen?\u00a0 You could lose the excitement about the relationship.\u00a0 I think it's a part of why God gave us attraction and courtship and dating in the first place, and I think it's important for married people, well, frankly to never stop dating.\u00a0 Single people know how to do it well, but married people forget the process, and they forget how important it is to win that other person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think, in some regards, Bob, we are constantly in a battle over the heart of our spouse.\u00a0 There are things that will capture her heart or his heart \u2013 business, for him; the children for her; civic responsibilities, duties, hobbies, many of these things can capture the romance, the mystique and, before long, we don't have a relationship that's truly intimate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's what made it easier when we were single, wasn't it \u2013 that we didn't have all of the distractions that we have later on when we're married?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, but dating was the goal.\u00a0 What a man would do is turn on the afterburners, and I mean he would be going for the objective.\u00a0 It's been fun to watch our kids kind of move into this and watch them, from time to time, start \"dating\" someone, get kind of serious and kind of move into a semi-courtship, I would say, and in the process of that become so focused on it.\u00a0 Well, it brings back those memories when I was focused.\u00a0 And I think it's good in marriage to regain that focus on the other person.\u00a0 We all need it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, this week we're listening together to a series of messages from the book of the Song of Solomon delivered by Pastor Tommy Nelson who is the pastor of Denton Bible Church, and it's an outstanding series that explains to us what the Bible teaches about the love relationship between a husband and a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Tommy has been married to his wife, Theresa, for more than 20 years.\u00a0 They have two teenage sons, and he teaches singles every week at what's called the Metro Bible Study, and this is one of the larger Bible studies I've ever heard of.\u00a0 There are more than 3,500 singles in this Bible study.\u00a0 So it's not your basic intimate group here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, by the way, what you are about to listen to has been passed around on military bases, in homes, husbands listening to it at drive time in their cars.\u00a0 This is one of the most outstanding tape series you'll ever hear on the Song of Solomon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, Tommy delivered this message that we're about to hear to a group of singles, as you mentioned.\u00a0 There were a few married couples scattered throughout the audience, and the principles really apply to us whether we're married or whether we're still pursuing a mate.\u00a0 Let's listen together as Tommy Nelson talks about the art of dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0(From audiotape.)\u00a0 Don't you love dating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Watch this \u2013 in dating, three things are desperately needed, and this is the wonder about this book.\u00a0 It doesn't go that deep, but it just goes wonderfully simple.\u00a0 You have to have three things. You have to have time, where you just have a non \u2013 you don't have any strings attached, where you just spend time with a person, and you don't spend time in a place that makes provision for the flesh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0A guy says to me, \"We went out to the park at night and got in the back seat and got tempted.\"\u00a0 Well, of course, you did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you didn't, you've got a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Romans 13 \u2013 \"Make no provision for the\" what?\u00a0 \"For the flesh in regard to its lust.\"\u00a0 Don't give your body a chance.\u00a0 Francis of Assisi called his body \"brother ass,\" because it will not do what you want it to do.\u00a0 Serve God, body \u2013 hee haw \u2013 no, we ain't doing that \u2013 squat down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can't trust your body.\u00a0 So this couple is going to spend time, and if you'll look in verse 12, they eat together.\u00a0 If you look in verses 17 and 16, they have a picnic.\u00a0 They've got a date, and they're out in the open enjoying each other.\u00a0 So you spend time with no strings attached.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The next thing you do in a relationship in dating is that you cultivate respect, you cultivate respect.\u00a0 Look at verse 15 \u2013 this is how you respect each other.\u00a0 You go from regarding to respecting.\u00a0 \"How beautiful you are, my darling.\"\u00a0 How beautiful you are \u2013 \"your eyes are like doves.\"\u00a0 When you see a dove, you are gentle toward it, you want to reach out and hold it, you want to treat it tenderly.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He looks at her beauty, but it's a deeper beauty.\u00a0 It's what Peter called \"the precious quality of a quiet and gentle spirit that is expensive, literally, in the sight of God.\"\u00a0 He says \"I respect you so much.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Verse 16 she says \"How handsome you are, my beloved, and so\" \u2013 and do you see that word, fellows?\u00a0 It's the word \"pleasant,\" that's the same word used by how David felt about Jonathan, his best friend.\u00a0 And if you look at the next verse, it just tells you what pleasant means.\u00a0 Verse 17 \u2013 the \u2013 she says, \"Our couch\" \u2013 in 16b \u2013 \"is luxuriant.\u00a0 The beams of our houses are cedars, and our rafters cypresses.\"\u00a0 The interpretation is apparently this \u2013 they are out in the open having a picnic.\u00a0 There are cypresses and cedars, and she calls it a \"couch and a mansion.\"\u00a0 What this means is the man is so pleasant, the man is so nice, the man is tactful, the man is so respectful, he is such a good listener that she says, \"When I am with you, I am a millionaire, I am a queen, and all I need is you \u2013 just being with you.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Girls, that's how you should feel to the guy that you married.\u00a0 You notice, fellows, we haven't laid a glove on her yet.\u00a0 We hadn't touched her, we hadn't kissed her, and she says, \"I am a millionaire out in the open.\u00a0 All I need is you.\u00a0 Our couch is luxurious because you are so pleasant.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you regard and respect each other, I want to show you what happens to you \u2013 chapter 2, verse 1 \u2013 Ladies, she is speaking.\u00a0 Girls, look at what she says about herself in 2:1 \u2013 \"I am the rose of Sharon, the lily of the valley,\" they are both singular nouns.\u00a0 Roses and lilies do not grow in clumps, they are singular.\u00a0 She says, \"I am the most special woman on the face of the earth.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Guys, in chapter 1, what did she feel about herself?\u00a0 \"Don't stare at me because I am not that pretty.\u00a0 My skin is sunburned.\"\u00a0 Now what does she say about herself?\u00a0 \"I am beautiful.\"\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because this fellow treated her so lofty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Verse 2 \u2013 because this guys says, \"Like a lily among the thorns is my darling among the maidens,\" which translated means every woman in the world is hands off.\u00a0 You are the singular most glorified wonderful woman in all the universe.\u00a0 Do you think that makes a woman's heart beat when a man tells her that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Verse 3 \u2013 not only does her view of herself go up, but look what she thinks of this man.\u00a0 Fellows, do you want a girl to admire you?\u00a0 Treat her like a singular queen.\u00a0 Verse 3 \u2013 \"like an apple tree among the trees of the forest so is my beloved among the young men\" \u2013 meaning every other guy does not meet any need that I have.\u00a0 You are all that I need.\u00a0 Verse 3b \u2013 \"In his shade I took great delight and sat down.\u00a0 His fruit was sweet to my taste.\"\u00a0 Shade means that he can protect her; that she could come underneath his wing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The New Testament puts it like this \u2013 that the man should nourish and cherish his wife as he does his own body and as Christ does the church.\u00a0 That means that my wife can never be afraid to get close to me because she knows I'll never hurt her, I'll never demean her.\u00a0 I'll never treat her in a hard way.\u00a0 She can submit to me is the most logical thing in the world because I'm the guy that will die for her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\"In his shade I took delight, and I rested.\u00a0 His fruit was sweet to my taste,\" meaning to nourish her.\u00a0 What this means, guys, is that if you want to go to my wife and say, \"Mrs. Nelson, Theresa, you are incredibly lovely.\"\u00a0 That's okay, because I told her that this morning.\u00a0 Oh, yeah.\u00a0 I sat right there at the breakfast table, and I looked in her big green eyes, and I said, \"You have a delicate beauty,\" and I said, \"You know, you're as pretty as the day that I marriage.\"\u00a0 \"Oh, go on.\"\u00a0 \"Yes, you are.\"\u00a0 \"Oh, no, you think so?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\"What do you want?\"\u00a0 \"Nothing.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0He provides for her, he protects her.\u00a0 Fellows, look at verse 4 \u2013 \"He's brought me to his banquet hall\" \u2013 that's an open place, a public place.\u00a0 We're not now having a picnic, we've gone to Luby's, we've gone to Furr's, we're gone to Wyatt's, all right?\u00a0 \"He's brought me to a banquet hall,\" in a public place, \"and his banner over me is love.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let me tell you what that means.\u00a0 Generals on the field would identify their troops by a banner.\u00a0 God is called \"Jehovah, our banner,\" that you fight under Him, He owns you.\u00a0 It's the idea that a general owned his troops by putting up a banner.\u00a0 Solomon owned this woman, and she willingly gave herself.\u00a0 Do you know what his mark of ownership was?\u00a0 Love.\u00a0 Now, watch what else grows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Verse 5 \u2013 \"Sustain me with raisin cakes because I am lovesick, refresh me with apples.\"\u00a0 Do you know what a raisin cake was?\u00a0 They were considered by the Jews to be aphrodisiacs.\u00a0 This girl is sensuous.\u00a0 This woman says he provides for me, he promotes me, he protects me.\u00a0 I admire him, I love him, I feel so good because he treats me this way.\u00a0 \"Sustain me with raisin cakes, I am lovesick.\"\u00a0 That is a passionate verse.\u00a0 What that means is \"I want him.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Verse 6 \u2013 Let his left hand be under my head, and his right hand embrace me.\u00a0 What position is that?\u00a0 Let his left hand not be around my head, be under my head, and his right hand embrace me.\u00a0 I love to touch this to little old ladies.\u00a0 What do you think that means, ladies?\u00a0 \"I really don't know.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'll tell you what it means \u2013 incidentally, let me get a little preaching right here, this is why it's so hard to find a commentary on the Song of Solomon because we all think that God is so mystic in the Holy Other that He doesn't know what passion is.\u00a0 Where do you think we got passion from and desire from?\u00a0 We got it from God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We think, sometimes, we say, \"God, help me deal with my lust.\"\u00a0 \"You're what?\u00a0 What's lust?\"\u00a0 No, He knows what it is, and that's why the book is so often taught in allegory as Christ to the church because we can't imagine this being real.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, in the early century of the Christian church, the Jews got together, and they had a council as to what was and what was not their books as you saw gathering New Testament book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In one of the books they had a problem with canonizing.\u00a0 It was Ecclesiastes because of the occasional use of sarcasm in the Song of Solomon \u2013 because the book was so passionate.\u00a0 Jewish boys were not permitted to read this until they were older because it would stir the passions, and it does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, don't look at the verse.\u00a0 This woman says, \"Because of how you treat me, I esteem myself, I love you, because of your protection, provision, your promotion of me.\u00a0 I want you, I want your left hand under my head, I want to be one with you.\"\u00a0 What do you think the next verse will say?\u00a0 Don't look.\u00a0 Do you think God will speak and say, \"Foul woman, nursing these loathsome feelings.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\"And Solomon took her hints and whomped her.\"\u00a0 Do you think it will say that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This woman wants him \u2013 look at what the next verse says \u2013 Solomon says, \"I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles, or by the hinds of the field\" \u2013 in the Book of Proverbs Solomon refers to your wife as you are to \"love her like a graceful doe and a loving hind.\u00a0 Let her breasts satisfy you at all times.\"\u00a0 He speaks of this woman in the highest of gentle terms as a brown-eyed doe, that you move so tenderly with.\u00a0 And he speaks to his harem for their aid, and he says, \"I adjure you, by the gracefulness of this woman.\"\u00a0 Look at the rest of the verse \u2013 \"Don't arouse or awaken\" \u2013 and the word \"love\" there is in the neuter \u2013 \"love until it pleases.\"\u00a0 Solomon is saying, \"Sweetheart, that feeling that you feel is good, but it's waiting to be awakened on a later day.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I asked my wife one time \u2013 we kept ourselves pure with each other going into our marriage, and I said to her, \"Theresa, if I had pressed, would you have gone to bed with me?\"\u00a0 And she looked at me, she said, \"No, but maybe.\"\u00a0 I said, \"Really?\"\u00a0 She said, \"I wanted you.\u00a0 I loved you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, sticking this thing on your finger doesn't kick your sex drive in gear.\u00a0 You want that person, and Solomon says it's good but it's not yet.\u00a0 What grows in marriage?\u00a0 Her admiration of her, of him, and her restraint.\u00a0 There's three things needed in a dating relationship \u2013 time, cultivation, and restraint.\u00a0 Because when you spend time regarding and respecting a person, the natural phenomena of romance is to give yourself.\u00a0 That's the way we're made, and you've got to shut it down, you've got to take care of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0At some point in your dating relationship, you're going to meet a person that gives you tenderness, and the guy gives you tenderness, and the girl gives you respect, and it's going to feel so good that you're going to get married, and the assumption of that marriage is they're always going to be respectful and tender.\u00a0 They'll always be that way, and that's an okay assumption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If that person in the dating relationship was treating him with respect and tenderness because of the nature of God, the Word of God, the example of Jesus, the unction of the Holy Spirit, and the example of the body of Christ \u2013 those are steel things of virtue and character, and they never go away.\u00a0 And when you get married, you're going to have times that you don't feel like it, but that holy guy is still going to treat you that way because he fears God, and that woman is still going to be submissive and kind and tender because she fears God, and that's a good assumption.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But if you get to dating and build a relationship, and you don't communicate, and you go to the easy fix of sexuality and sensuality that looks just like love when you're doing it, it looks like love.\u00a0 You can't build a marriage on that.\u00a0 It will give way, because at some point in your marriage, sex, very shortly, is going to be not just an act of passion, it's going to be an act of devotion and love, it's going to be a tangible commitment that you make to that person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And if you don't have the holiness of God, if you don't have love and devotion, you're not going to feel like doing it.\u00a0 So now what happens is the couples draws apart.\u00a0 He doesn't give her tenderness, she doesn't give him respect, and they start manipulating each other.\u00a0 She cuts him off sexually, he cuts her off in tenderness, they get mean, they get mad, they grow further apart, and then you know what happens?\u00a0 They start going outside the marriage to get tenderness.\u00a0 He goes outside the marriage to get respect.\u00a0 She goes into a bunch of civic duties.\u00a0 She goes back to her mama, she goes to her buddies, she goes and starts a new career, she goes back to school.\u00a0 Any and all of those things can be good, but when they're used as a substitute for the mate, that's the way you have an affair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0As we close, some of you may be sitting there saying, \"Man, have I blown it.\"\u00a0 I had one guy after this walk up, and he said, \"My mother wrote you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\"No.\"\u00a0 The wonderful thing is, none of us are like we should be, and that's, people, why you have in Christianity a fellow who died upon a cross that was the very Son of God \u2013 to die for what we could not do, to convert us, to give us the desire to do what we ought.\u00a0 That is Christianity, and no matter how foul you may have been, Jesus Christ can wash you clean.\u00a0 If you knew about me what God knows about me, you wouldn't come.\u00a0 But if I knew about you what God knew, we wouldn't let you in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, we've been listening together today to Tommy Nelson, the pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, Texas.\u00a0 He's been talking from the book, the Song of Solomon in the Bible, and I'll tell you what, it brought back some memories of the dating years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'll tell you, and I'm glad they're memories.\u00a0 I'm glad I'm married.\u00a0 You know, and although we've talked here today to a lot of single people about their habits in dating, frankly, if you're a mom or a dad, and you've got little rugrats running around the house, toddlers or elementary-age kids, and you may wonder what does this have to do with you, it has everything to do with you.\u00a0 Right now you can purpose as a mom or a dad to enter into these discussions with your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I have recently been spending some time studying the Song of Solomon, Bob, and I am going to purpose to go through this book with my college-age kids, and I think it would be appropriate even to talk about this with our high school students.\u00a0 To talk about how sex was blessed by God, and there's a book in the Bible \u2013 one of the 66 books that talks about the goodness of God as expressed between the union of a man and a woman in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, we have had friends who, when the time was right in their relationship, we have given them these series of messages from Tommy on CD to listen to as they're getting ready to get married.\u00a0 But I think you're right \u2013 I think this is something that a father and a son can go through together; a mom and a daughter can go through together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think we have a generation of young people who don't have a healthy, godly perspective on sex in part because of what the culture is doing but also, in part, because we haven't been helping them understand romance and intimacy from a biblical framework; helping them understand that it's a good gift of God in the proper context. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Anytime we have featured Tommy's messages on FamilyLife Today, our listeners have contacted us to request these audio CDs.\u00a0 We have them in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 If you click the red button that says \"Go\" right in the middle of the screen \u2013 actually, we've had that changed to a red heart that's in the middle of the screen \u2013 that will take you right to an area of the site where you can get more information about how to get these CDs and the companion workbook that goes with it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can listen it to it together as a couple, you can pass it along to a couple you may know who is getting married, or you can use it, as we've said, father and son, mother and daughter, to help your children understand a biblical view of relationships, which is one of the things we need to be helping our children get a handle on as they grow into adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, click the red heart in the middle of the screen that says \"Go,\" and that will take you right to the area of the site where you can request the CDs from Tommy Nelson.\u00a0 There are other resources available from us here at FamilyLife related to romance and passion and intimacy in marriage, and with Valentine's Day coming up, you may want to browse what is available on our site for some possible Valentine gift ideas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, or call us \u2013 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, last year at this time, we featured a couple of messages on FamilyLife Today from Pastor C.J. Mahaney and his wife, Carolyn \u2013 basics on the subject of romance, how a man should romance his wife and how a wife should romance her husband, and many of you contacted us to get copies of those CDs.\u00a0 This month, we want to make them available to any of our listeners who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We are listener-supported, and your tax-deductible contributions are what keep us on the air on this station and on stations all across the country.\u00a0 So if you can make a donation this month, we want you to feel free to request a copy of the CD that features C.J. and Carolyn Mahaney.\u00a0 Just ask for the Mahaney CD when you call 1-800-FLTODAY to make your donation.\u00a0 Or if you're online, and you're making a donation there, when you come to the keycode box, just type the word \"love\" into the keycode box, and we'll know that you want this particular CD sent out to you.\u00a0 It's our way of saying thank you for your financial support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership with us, and we appreciate hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we're going to be back with Pastor Tommy Nelson hearing more about what God's Word has to say about love and intimacy and romance from the Song of Solomon \u2013 the Song of Songs.\u00a0 I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301295","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301295"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301295"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301295"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301295"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301295"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301295"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301295"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}