{"id":301293,"date":"2007-01-30T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-01-30T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-book-of-romance-part-2\/"},"modified":"2007-01-30T12:00:00","modified_gmt":"2007-01-30T17:00:00","slug":"the-book-of-romance-part-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-book-of-romance-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Book of Romance, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today, Tommy Nelson, senior pastor of Denton Bible Church and author of The Book of Romance:  What Solomon says about Love, Sex and Intimacy, continues to share how couples can fan the flames of love in their marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"16.76M","filesize_raw":"17570930","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088],"tags":[4086,4926,2877,4714],"podcast_series":[7503],"cwp_profile":[8887],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301293","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","tag-commitment","tag-faithfulness","tag-marriage","tag-romance","podcast_series-the-book-of-romance","cwp_profile-tom-nelson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301293\/the-book-of-romance-part-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301293\/the-book-of-romance-part-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"asORigSIK1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-book-of-romance-part-2\/\">The Book of Romance, Part 2<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-book-of-romance-part-2\/embed\/#?secret=asORigSIK1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Book of Romance, Part 2&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"asORigSIK1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Today, Tommy Nelson, senior pastor of Denton Bible Church and author of The Book of Romance: What Solomon says about Love, Sex and Intimacy, continues to share how couples can fan the flames of love in their marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Okay, I'll be honest.\u00a0 Being honest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Would you consider yourself romantically challenged?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Maybe, I don't know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Is it possible you could use a little coaching on romance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Sure, I could stand a little bit of help, maybe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, take heart, you're not alone.\u00a0 Here is Tommy Nelson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Okay, Tommy Nelson.\u00a0 What does Tommy Nelson know about romance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Here is the way I do a love letter to my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Oh, a love letter.\u00a0 I can do a love letter.\u00a0 Let's see, get something to write on here.\u00a0 Here's a paper sack right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0All right, I've got this legal pad in front of me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Oh, a legal pad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0And I'm thinking, you know, all this talk about romance just makes me think about my wife.\u00a0 What would I write?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Okay, and let's say, \"Dear Anita.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0The first thing you write when you write a romantic note is you don't say \"Dear Theresa,\" all right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Exactly, that's not my wife's name, anyway.\u00a0 \"Dearest\" \u2013 \"Dearest Anita.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0You've got to do better than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Okay, \"Dearest \u2013 my dearest \u2013 my\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0I would say, \"My sweet doll,\" all right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Okay, I gotcha (wadding up paper), I can do that.\u00a0 \"My sweet\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0\"My dear girl.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0(Wadding up paper) \u2013 \"My sweet\" \u2013 no \u2013 \"My dear\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0\"My sweet angel.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0(Wadding up paper) \u2013 Tommy \u2013 \"My sweet\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0All right, I would address her like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0\u2026 \"angelic girl doll.\"\u00a0 There, that will make her heart melt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, January 30th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 And if you could use a little creative help in your romance, stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 We're talking this week about romance, and with Valentine's Day just around the corner, it seems to me that this is an appropriate subject for us to be dealing with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I noticed you took a lot of notes on the broadcast yesterday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Took a lot of notes?\u00a0 I took the book home, I've underlined it, read passages to my wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This has been fun, because you and I have featured Tommy Nelson's ministry here on the broadcast on numerous occasions, and it's fun to finally meet the man behind the book of the Song of Solomon.\u00a0 Now, you didn't write the book.\u00a0 We talked about that yesterday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0I didn't write it, I just edited it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0[laughs]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But you wrote your own book called \"The Book of\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0\"The Book of Romance.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0If I were to ask your wife \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0\u2026 oh, wow \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 to name the most romantic moment in your years of marriage \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Probably \u2013 I'm a pretty prolific write of love notes, but I \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You've kind of got an interesting look on your face right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Even as you describe that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're turning red now, you're reading some of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When was the last time you wrote a note like that to your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Oh, six weeks ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, all right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0But, on one occasion, probably the most romantic time \u2013 my wife \u2013 I just had her come over and sit on the recliner there.\u00a0 We just sat down together, and I had a love letter that I was going to read her.\u00a0 I just wasn't going to give it to her, I said, \"I want to read it to you.\"\u00a0 And I began to read it to her and just \u2013 did you ever try to do that, where you just reach down deep to your wife, and you just cry, and I did.\u00a0 I think she would probably tell you that was the most romantic thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I've taken her out and dropped money on her, done everything else in the world, but \u2013 given her gifts, out of the blue, gifts, shameless gifts, but I think that was probably the most tender time, as her husband, trying to tell her \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Hold it, hold it, what do you mean shameless?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Shameless meaning a totally unwise steward of God's money, and threw it away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're a pastor, and you did that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yeah, and I threw it away.\u00a0 I tell guys, \"Throw away money on your wife, man.\u00a0 The greatest place in the world to spend money is on your wife,\" and so I shamelessly throw money away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you know what my wife said the most romantic thing I've ever done is?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're going to love this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0My wife said the most romantic thing I've ever done is drying the dishes \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Fantastic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And I thought to myself, \"That's romance?\"\u00a0 I'm picturing love notes and the mushy stuff you're talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0She picks drying the dishes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Laura Schlesinger, I believe it was, said that the sound of a vacuum cleaner is foreplay, and there's a lot of truth to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My wife might tell you, also, I wrote a pretty impassioned note to her on one occasion, and I put it in her Bible, and I know right where she sits in church, and I stood up, and then she opened her Bible to the text that I knew she was going to be, because that was what I'm teaching, and I looked at her, and she saw this note, and I watch her open it up, and I watch her read it, and I watch this \u2013 oh, I think married men know \"the look.\"\u00a0 It was just a great look that she gave me.\u00a0 You know, \"There will be a recompense to you later on.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know what we're going to do before the broadcast is over today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0What's that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'm going to give you a chance to write a love letter \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0\u2026 oh, dear \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 and let about a half-million people listen in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's because guys like us need some examples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's my point.\u00a0 I think he's already inspiring the men who are listening to this broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0They need to.\u00a0 You'd be amazed, the great, brilliant white-collar guys that I meet that cannot put three words together when it comes down \u2013 they can build industries, but they can't turn to their wives and speak anything romantic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0If you were going to instruct a single person who is starting out, and I know you've done a lot of ministries \u2013 we talked about yesterday, Tommy \u2013 to singles.\u00a0 If you were going to instruct singles in developing relationships and starting down \u2013 well, in the direction of marriage, would you instruct them to date?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0In a sense, I would.\u00a0 I think what I would tell them to do is to be very wise as to what can happen when a single virile man and a single virile woman get alone for any amount of time with a great need called sexuality, intimacy, and marriage, there are \u2013 I mean, you're talking about kindling and sparks right here, and you need \u2013 if you're going to borrow my car, that's one thing, you know, but if you're going to take my daughter out, or if I'm going to entrust my son \u2013 I have two sons, and I'm as scared to turn them loose with some girls.\u00a0 And I'm going to say to them, you know, \"If you take my car and wreck it, that's okay.\u00a0 I can get me another one.\u00a0 I have nothing but an irritation.\u00a0 You hurt my kid, and you've hurt me worse than if you hurt me that you hurt my kid.\u00a0 So it's a dangerous thing \u2013 to date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0How are you warning your daughters about romance and this chemical catalytic reaction that can occur around romance and sexuality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0I tell them first that it is, just by very definition, it's a dangerous institution \u2013 to be alone \u2013 one of the best things you can is make sure when you date you go to a public place and enjoy it.\u00a0 You go out to eat, and you spend time in public, I tell them \u2013 or you go out with buddies.\u00a0 Because with buddies, you really get to see how they act in a group setting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another thing I tell them to do is to beware of escalating.\u00a0 There is something that's intoxicating about romance, and we love it, and we tend to race foolhardy into it, and this guy will \u2013 and I tell guys about this \u2013 don't be taking that girl's hand \u2013 these Christian guys \u2013 don't take that girl's hand and look into her eyes and call her by her name and say, \"Could I just please pray and ask God's anointing on our date here as we begin?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And they offer up this marvelous prayer, interceding for this girl and her future life, and then they carry her away, and on the date they go down deep into their past as to where they've come from, and it's a heart-wrenching kind of a time.\u00a0 And you have a problem reproducing it, but a lot of times it escalates a relationship, and then you go from that to handholding, shoulder-holding, waist-holding, body embracing, kissing on the cheek, and it just keeps going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so those two things \u2013 deep, deep sharing and physical affection escalate a relationship, and they awaken love \"before it pleases.\"\u00a0 And so \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's a phrase from the Song of Solomon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0From the Song of Solomon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, if my wife were here, she'd be nodding, particularly, about what she thinks is the unguarded emotional attachment.\u00a0 We've spent a lot of time over the last number of years warning teenagers to wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0When I see, Bob, in a mall, I see a guy and a girl, they're 16 years old, they're hand in hand, arm in arm.\u00a0 To me, that's the most dangerous \u2013 the idea of \u2013 whatever you want to call it \u2013 the going-steady idea of building a continual relationship that gets deeper and deeper and, again, it's lighter fluid.\u00a0 You're building enormous lighter fluid in there, and it's got to go into one place, and that's the place that God intends it to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As we've raised our girls, Mary Ann has pointed to Proverbs, \"Guard your hearts,\" because that's the key.\u00a0 You can be as damaged emotionally as you can be sexually by giving your heart to a young 16-year-old who has no stewarding of your heart the way he ought to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'll tell you, it's happening today with teenage young even in our Christian youth groups.\u00a0 I mean, this is emotional incest among brothers and sisters in Christ where they are sharing on levels that were meant for marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0They're teenagers, they're not emotionally enough, their character is not mature enough, and yet we just had a conversation with one of our teenagers around this very subject, saying, \"You know, this is a friendship.\u00a0 Keep it on a friendship level.\u00a0 There are certain things you shouldn't enter into right now.\u00a0 It's just not appropriate.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0And you have to discipline yourself, because it feels so good \u2013 intimacy is marvelous, and it feels great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It makes you feel important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yeah, and you play like \u2013 and, of course, you get deeper and deeper and pretty soon you get kids playing house \u2013 basically, they're playing house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This is where, when you talk to singles about dating, they'll look at it with two kind of ways.\u00a0 One is, you know, \"I'm lonely, and I'd love somebody to date,\" another one is, \"I'd be glad if I never had to date again for the rest of my life.\"\u00a0 But the great pain that comes from dating is twofold.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0One is having your heart broken by people that draw you in, and a lot of times it's not really \u2013 it's an unwitting thing that draw you in so close, build that bond, start doing things that married couples do.\u00a0 He calls her \"Sweetheart,\" she calls him \"Honey,\" \"Sugar,\" there's affection, there's tenderness.\u00a0 All of a sudden, the guy starts feeling what is called responsibility, and he flees from it and breaks her heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Panics.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yeah, and this is why guys and girls \u2013 girls can do it to guys, guys can do it with girls.\u00a0 I like your term, they weren't \"stewards\" of that person's heart.\u00a0 They didn't have a responsibility, and that's what they hate.\u00a0 And the other one, of course, is when it goes on to the point of immorality, and now someone doesn't merely shine up to you and hurt you, they take something from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Barbara and I had a conversation a number of months ago with one of our teenagers, and a person of the opposite sex who was showing some interest, and we called this meeting because there was a lack of understanding from the young man who was kind of hanging out at our house.\u00a0 She made an interesting observation to that young man that I'm not sure he could understand at his age, but it was profound.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0She turned to him, and she said, \"You know, young man, there is something within a lady, a woman, that was meant to be a helpmate.\u00a0 God made them to want to complete, to want to come alongside, and we have watched each of our daughters as they have emerged into womanhood become young ladies who, when a young man shares a problem, they become a rescuer.\u00a0 And that young man shares a problem, that teenage girl rushes in to rescue him, to help him to meet that need.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And what happens is a cementing of the souls.\u00a0 And, you know, Barbara was saying, \"You know, you two need to keep this friendship at a level that guards your heart.\"\u00a0 And I think of the singles who are listening to today's broadcast, Tommy, who you've instructed for years at the Metro Bible Study, relationally speaking, these are tough issues for them because they're lonely, they are wanting a relationship, and they don't know how to take those steps, and they feel awkward, and they don't know how to go forward, and yet they want some romance; they like the attraction.\u00a0 How do they step forward into that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0What there has to be is if you \u2013 let's say you have the silhouette, I call it, of who you will date.\u00a0 Let's say if I'm a single guy, I'm going to date a Christian girl who is faithful in church.\u00a0 She doesn't have a crucifix on.\u00a0 She's faithful in a church who is a Bible reader that has a good testimony.\u00a0 Well, I see this girl, let's say, and I approach her and ask her if she'd like to go out for coffee.\u00a0 We go out and drink coffee, and I enjoy the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Here, a bit later on, we're going to go watch the Cowboys, and a couple of other buddies, and we'll go out, and maybe we'll watch the Cowboys play.\u00a0 Then I get to really \u2013 I'm thinking \"This may not be the girl,\" but I'm thinking, \"This is sure the right kind of girl.\"\u00a0 That girl has no obligations to go out with me, and if I go out with her once, she has no recognition to expect that I have to do some things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But if I start taking her out a couple or two or three times, I better start speaking up in someway.\u00a0 Now, back in the old days, I'd go to her father.\u00a0 Well, let's say that maybe I don't do that today.\u00a0 Maybe she's not around her father.\u00a0 What I had better do, if I see this dating really becoming an attraction, and I'm thinking this is the kind of girl I want to spend my life with, this kind of girl.\u00a0 Is the one?\u00a0 I don't know, but she's sure the right kind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I spend time, and I'm getting to thinking, \"I think she really likes me and enjoys me.\"\u00a0 Well, at some point, I want to communicate to her, and I want to open the door for her to leave.\u00a0 But once I think that it's going somewhere, I need to communicate with her and let her know what I'm thinking.\u00a0 If she says no, I don't need to show up again.\u00a0 I don't need to become what's called a \"Norman Bates,\" you know, this crazy individual that keeps showing up at her house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If she says yes, now we start seeing each other, and this is where, Dennis, you have to really watch out, because everything in you now starts to ignite.\u00a0 You want to race full ahead, and this is where a man has to have \u2013 and a woman \u2013 have to have extreme self-control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now we're talking about really guarding your heart, and I like where you started this relationship out.\u00a0 You're talking about defining a relationship verbally rather than physically.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Which is a man's responsibility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yes, it is.\u00a0 In the book the woman is always breakneck speed.\u00a0 It's the guy that takes charge and says \"Not yet, not yet.\"\u00a0 And after I've dated that girl for a while, and we continue, now you're moving into what's called \"courtship,\" just like the old English era when you wanted to entertain a girl so as to win her hand, you would treat her as princely, as queenly, and you would court her as in the court. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it was a very determined idea.\u00a0 To court a girl means that you are definitive; you mean to win her and make her your wife.\u00a0 And so you have to have a transition.\u00a0 This, incidentally, is where girls are the most complaining.\u00a0 Guys don't talk, they just hook them.\u00a0 Or they'll just plunge on ahead.\u00a0 A guy needs to say to her, \"I am falling in love with you.\u00a0 I'm coming to that point.\u00a0 If you tell me to go away, I have nothing to complain about.\u00a0 But I would like to take this on as perhaps we could spend some time with a married couple and ask them some questions, and we could really investigate as to whether we could spend our lives together.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And if she says yes, now you're moving to a new area , and this is where, again, there has to be even more caution because you know that she would like to get physical \u2013 and she knows it.\u00a0 And you know that you would like, and there has to be \u2013 there no longer is a fear of \"what if I'm rejected?\"\u00a0 Because a lot of times that will keep you from immorality \u2013 the fear of rejection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0At this point of courtship, that fear of rejection isn't there as much because you know how they're feeling, and you have to have that kind of being a custodian of that person's heart \u2013 \"I will not hurt this person.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're talking about a level of maturity \u2013 I think back to when I was 18, 19 years old \u2013 the assignment for me, as a dad, is to get my boys to 16 with that level of maturity so that they handle it right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yeah, amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're coaching singles as well as mother and fathers in the right direction here, because it is our responsibility, first and foremost, and then to those singles who have grown up without that, let Tommy Nelson be your surrogate dad through this book for a while and get it right.\u00a0 I mean, this is too important a choice to mess around with and do it wrong again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0And this is basic stuff.\u00a0 This stuff shouldn't be \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're trying not to say rocket science.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Well, revelatory to where guys are listening on this radio program going, \"I'll be dogged, would you listen to that?\"\u00a0 See, it should have been something.\u00a0 This is common sense stuff.\u00a0 This is stuff, if you were a pagan, you would figure out \u2013 that you don't want to hurt people.\u00a0 This is something that youth directors need to sit down and go, you know, observation, dating, courtship, maturity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But, you know, Tommy, this is aha material.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yeah, and, sadly enough, it is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Because of the condition of the family today, they've got young people who are getting \u2013 they're getting their signals from media and, man, that's \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, you know, you've seen this.\u00a0 You've taught this material from the Song of Solomon to singles in the Dallas area.\u00a0 In fact, the CDs that we have in our FamilyLife Resource Center where you teach through the Song of Solomon, many of our listeners have ordered these CDs from us, and it's material that was first presented to singles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0They need the basics at the beginning; they need to be reprogrammed and retrained, and you do the same thing with the book you've written, which is called \"The Book of Romance, What Solomon Says about Love and Sex and Intimacy,\" and we've got the CDs and the book and more available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 In fact, with Valentine's Day coming up, when you go to our website, FamilyLife.com, and you click the red button that says \"Go,\" I'm going to see if I can get them to change that red button to a heart for Valentine's Day.\u00a0 Do you think that's a good idea?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It will either be a red button or a heart, and you'll see how much influence I have around here when you go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Anyway, click that red thing, whatever it is, in the middle of the page, and that will take you to an area where you can get more information about resources like Tommy Nelson's book, \"The Book of Romance,\" the Song of Solomon CD series, other resources that are available from us at FamilyLife designed to help singles who are considering marriage, even singles who would like to be married but don't have somebody particular in mind yet.\u00a0 They just want to make sure they know what to look for and how to build a healthy relationship at the right time, all the way through to couples who have been married 20, 30, 40 years, and want to maintain romance and passion as a part of your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0All of this is on our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Click the red thing in the middle of the home page, and that will take you right to the area of the website where there are lots of romance resources available from us here at FamilyLife, including \"The Book of Romance\" by our guest today, Tommy Nelson, and the Song of Solomon CD series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, the rest of this week we're going to hear excerpts from that Song of Solomon CD series, so our listeners will get a taste of what you shared with those singles in Dallas as you presented this material several years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can also call us for more information about these resources at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, Tommy, this has been fun, over the past couple of days, to talk with you.\u00a0 In fact, we need to spend more time on this, but I promised I would come back here at the end of the broadcast and give you a chance to wax eloquent; to stand tall, and to let us eavesdrop \u2013 just a few hundred thousand of your friends out there, your fans, and they want to hear how you do a love letter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0How do you do a love letter?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0To your wife, Theresa, and so \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0What I want to do is, I'll go ahead and write one, and I'll write it for them, and at $20 a pop, if they'll just write to this address \u2013 just kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0No, Tommy, we're not going there, we're not going there, but here's what I want you to do.\u00a0 We're going to set Theresa across the table, and we're all going \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Just pretend like I'm her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Just pretend like 400,000 or 500,000 people don't exist, and just speak to her as you're going to be speaking probably on this day.\u00a0 I mean, you'd be a fool if you didn't tell her to tune in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 You know, let's just supposed \u2013 I'll tell you what I'd do, here is the way I'd do a love letter to my wife if \u2013 let's say that you guys all had to go off and make a meeting, and I'm left here alone, all right?\u00a0 I've got this legal pad in front of me, and I'm thinking, you know, all this talk about romance just makes me think about my wife.\u00a0 What would I write?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The first think you write, when you write a romantic note, is you don't say \"Dear Theresa,\" all right?\u00a0 You've got to do better than that.\u00a0 I'd go, \"My Sweet Doll,\" all right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's too bad radio doesn't have cameras right now, because the face is worth 1,000 words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0I'd say, \"My dear girl, my sweet angel,\" all right?\u00a0 I would address her like that.\u00a0 I would say, \"I just did the program with Dennis and Bob, and they all headed off to get a bite, and it made me think of you, and I just wanted to write to you thanking you and blessing you that I have nothing but good things to share about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I thought more and more about me doing this program and getting heard by many, and yet you're back\" \u2013 I'm choking up.\u00a0 I'm going to cry right on your program \u2013 \"you're back at the house, and you're working hard, and you're the person that gives me the right to even be out here.\u00a0 Thank you for my two faithful boys, who are faithful because of the continual model and devotion of their mother.\u00a0 Thank you for the freedom I have in ministry, not to be taken out because\" \u2013 I'm choking up, it's hard to do \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Keep going.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTommy:\u00a0\"Thank you that I can minister and never worry about being canceled out because you are so faithful.\u00a0 No matter whatever happens to me in life, it will be because of you.\u00a0 I love you, Tommy.\"\u00a0 That's the best I can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's pretty good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301293","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301293"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301293"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301293"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301293"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301293"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301293"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301293"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}