{"id":301284,"date":"2007-01-18T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-01-18T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:35","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:35","slug":"what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations\/","title":{"rendered":"What to do About Vanity, PMS, and Expectations"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today on the broadcast, Christian counselor and nurse, Martha Peace, offers biblical solutions to real problems women face, such as vanity, PMS, and legalism.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"16.13M","filesize_raw":"16913484","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2831],"tags":[4924,4922,4921,4923,4920],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[9056],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301284","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-wives","tag-daughter","tag-mom","tag-mother","tag-wife","tag-womanhood","cwp_profile-martha-peace","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301284\/what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301284\/what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wpvsRm5UPr\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations\/\">What to do About Vanity, PMS, and Expectations<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/what-to-do-about-vanity-pms-and-expectations\/embed\/#?secret=wpvsRm5UPr\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;What to do About Vanity, PMS, and Expectations&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wpvsRm5UPr\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Today on the broadcast, Christian counselor and nurse, Martha Peace, offers biblical solutions to real problems women face, such as vanity, PMS, and legalism.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Have you ever been angry with someone because that person failed to live up to an unspoken expectation, something they didn't even know they were supposed to do?\u00a0 Here's Martha Peace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0My husband had invited some people over for dinner.\u00a0 I cooked, I cleaned up, I got everything ready, and I began to think, \"My husband should be helping me.\u00a0 He invited these people.\u00a0 I didn't invite them.\u00a0 He knows I need help.\"\u00a0 Now, he had not a clue, okay, not one clue, and I was crying, and he said, \"What's wrong?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"You know what's wrong.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, January 18th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Does that sound familiar?\u00a0 Did anything like that ever happen to you?\u00a0 And who's really to blame there?\u00a0 Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, this feels just a little uncomfortable to be talking about common sin problems that women face, and it's you and me talking about it with our guest.\u00a0 Could we just let her -- let her take the heat?\u00a0 Can we give out her e-mail address instead of ours?\u00a0 Do you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, we are talking about women's issues, Bob.\u00a0 Now, these, of course, wouldn't be issues with men, then, would they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Um, you know \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The issue of manipulation, of gossip \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's another book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 slander.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's another book.\u00a0 Let's [inaudible] talking about that one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We are talking with the author of \"Damsels in Distress,\" Martha Peace.\u00a0 Martha, welcome back to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You did kind of hit those subjects kind of hard on an earlier broadcast, and I have to say to you I ripped a couple of pages out of your book, and I'm sorry.\u00a0 I didn't want to do that to be disrespectful of you, nonetheless, you are dealing with issues here that are tough to handle.\u00a0 You're a counselor, an author of a number of books, and this book deals with issues women face, and today we want to talk about a couple of them that are particularly on target.\u00a0 Let's talk about the subject of vanity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's not one that women deal with alone, but we all would have to recognize that women do have an issue with the subject of appearance and thinking about how they look and perhaps being a little preoccupied with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, the Proverbs talk about it.\u00a0 I'm thinking of the verse at the end of Proverbs 31 where it says \"charm is deceitful, beauty if vain,\" and it's in the context of talking about an excellent wife.\u00a0 So the Scriptures acknowledge that this can be a slippery issue for women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0It's not just a minor issue, it's an obsession, whether it's with our weight or how old we are or what we look like.\u00a0 It's a huge problem, and women are really bad about comparing themselves to other women and how do I look compared to her -- those kinds of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0A lot of people don't think they are vain, but when they read the list of ways that vanity is expressed in here, then they can see it in themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Give us some examples.\u00a0 Read some of the things that are on that list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Saying things to elicit compliments from others; some women will refuse to have sexual relationships with their husbands because they feel fat; going around all the time apologizing for how you look; comparing yourselves to others and how they look; on an unhealthy quest for thinness, gaining five pounds, and you feel depressed because you feel fat.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Hit number 5, would you?\u00a0 I think that's a big one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Overspending, that one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0On clothes, hair, and makeup.\u00a0 It is a freedom-in-the-Lord issue to wear makeup and dress up and enjoy your clothing, and I enjoy those things, but if you're spending more money than what you have, and you're going into debt for it, or you're spending an inordinate amount of time on this, or if you're just depressed, and your life is over when you see those first few gray hairs coming in, then your priority is not the Lord, your heart is not the Lord's.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As you wrote this book, you took on a number of subjects that are challenges.\u00a0 We've talked about things like gossip and slander, manipulation, vanity, you write about legalism or hurt feelings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And I wondered how you were going to get into this next subject, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You write about trials -- there's one chapter in here, chapter 7, where I thought, \"Okay, you're ready to step up and just poke your finger a little bit on an issue that's a tough issue for a lot of women.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Right, PMS, I'll say it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Thank you for saying it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0PMS, because of being a nurse and a counselor and working with women, a lot of times they will tell me, \"Right before my period is when I go really berserk.\"\u00a0 And if they have a problem with either worry and fear and anxiety or maybe self-pity or anger, if you feel frustrated or feel irritated, that's how you feel when you're angry, it's going to be worse during that time.\u00a0 And this time is about a seven-day period before her period begins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And there is something going on hormonally in a woman during that time, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Oh, yes, definitely.\u00a0 One thing, your brain swells up, and everything else does, and you just look awful, and you feel awful, but it's the emotional rollercoaster that you go on.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But as I work with ladies with their fear or with their self-pity or with their anger, and as the Lord changes that in their hearts and in their lives, then that PMS time gets better, much better.\u00a0 It's never pleasant, but what I tell them to do are just practical things like mark your calendar, count the days when -- and I tell how to do this -- when you think the next time your period is going to start, then count back seven days.\u00a0 If you can help it, do not plan a major dinner party during that time.\u00a0 Don't shoot yourself in the foot.\u00a0 If Christmas is falling during that time, you don't wait until Christmas Eve to do your Christmas shopping.\u00a0 You've got to be organized and plan ahead.\u00a0 Going off caffeine during that, say, 10 days before your period starts, really helps, and that means chocolate, and I'm sorry about that, but that's true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another thing is a lot of doctors prescribe the psychiatric drugs for this, but all the journals, all the medical journals that I have read -- GYN journals -- have said about this -- they'll give like two paragraphs at the beginning that if during the PMS time, if she would do, say, 15 minutes a day of mild aerobic exercise -- that means you go out and go for a walk -- not hard running or anything like that, it will either lessen the symptoms or completely alleviate them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to ask you the question on behalf of the husbands -- what one or two coaching tips would you give a husband other than the obvious \"be patient.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Take a business trip during that time, if you can, that's my advice to the men.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Well, but then you risk leaving the children home with her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0What I recommended in here was to come up with a plan of accountability.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're speaking of your book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Yes, in the book.\u00a0 Ideally, if he's a Christian man, and he will help her, come along beside her in love speaking the truth but do it gently, women can have absolutely bizarre thoughts during that time.\u00a0 I mean, they can be just totally out of touch with reality, and he needs to tell her, \"Sweetheart, this is not right.\u00a0 The truth is\" -- and help her with her thinking.\u00a0 And she can actually come up with a plan and go through this herself, but if she's really out of control then he needs to either memorize this or get it out and then the Psalms are God's tranquilizers.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I would start by reminding her of Scripture, reading Scripture, either looking them up and reading them out loud, because the Word of God is alive and powerful, and it will help her.\u00a0 Or if she is struggling emotionally, if she's doing this by herself, she can just read them out loud and remind her to pray and ask God to help her.\u00a0 He can pray for her, he can give her hope -- she's going to need a lot of hope during that time, and I list several Scripture here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Remind her you do not have to sin.\u00a0 This is a miserable time.\u00a0 There is a physical component here, but the Lord will help you, and you don't have to sin in this.\u00a0 And then remind her to keep short accounts of her sin and thereby draw near to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, this is an area that Mary Ann never really had a big issue with, but there were times in her rhythm of life where I would just notice that her stress was a little out of proportion with the life circumstances we were going through.\u00a0 And first it took me by surprise.\u00a0 I would think, \"Why is Mary Ann reacting to these circumstances in a way that was uncharacteristic?\u00a0 And we found in our marriage that I could often just say, \"Are you feeling a little out of sync right about now?\"\u00a0 And all I was doing was -- it was a little signal to say, \"Is it a few days before your period's about to start?\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And that was enough to kind of draw her attention and my attention back to the fact that what she was feeling wasn't being fully governed by her rational being; there were other factors.\u00a0 And once I'd drawn attention to that, once I'd kind of helped her notice that that might be what was going on here, it seemed to help her get on top of the issue and be able to deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Well, that probably is because you have a godly wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That is because I have a godly wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0A lot of women would just get more berserk.\u00a0 I remember, before I was saved, one time I was just -- I don't even remember what I was so upset about, but I was so upset, and my husband said, \"I wouldn't be this upset if the house were on fire,\" and, of course, that's funny, but it made me mad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And talking about humor, what husbands have to be careful of during this period of time is not making fun of their wives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Don't tease, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right, but empathize and be compassionate towards them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Compassionate but lovingly firm.\u00a0 You're sinning, what you're saying is not right, you know, this is -- let's rethink this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0If you say to a woman who is in the middle of PMS, you're sinning?\u00a0 I'd say that and then run, you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0It's better to discuss this with her when she's not in the middle of that \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0\u2026 and when you can both, together, come up with a plan to help her and let her see your love and concern, and \"I know this is hard for you.\u00a0 It's hard for every women just about, and these are some things that possibly we could do to help,\" and this is the husband spiritually leading his wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Martha, there is another issue that you speak about in your book that we've got to talk about today, and it has to do with expectations.\u00a0 When a woman's expectations are not met, she gets her feelings her, and when her feelings get hurt, that's when you can see some of the anger or withdrawal or punishing a child or a husband or maybe a friend.\u00a0 Talk to us a second about how prevalent this issue is among women and then how should we deal with it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0I grew up in a family where my parents never talked about having their feelings hurt, so I just didn't learn to think like that.\u00a0 After I got grown, it did occur to me that my feelings could be hurt, but it's a wrong focus, it's a self-focus.\u00a0 There are things that, of course, would hurt anybody's feelings -- if the husband is selfish or angry or maybe he's cussing at her or maybe he's unfaithful to her, or whatever he's doing, that would hurt anybody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But what I tell ladies is this -- if he is doing that, that is sin, and your focus has to be with overcoming evil with good.\u00a0 If you start thinking, \"How could he do that to me?\u00a0 I would never have done that to him,\" and just playing it over and over in your mind, then you're going to be bitter, you're going to be compounding sin, and so in 1 Peter 3 it talks about not returning evil for evil but give a blessing instead.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, really, it would not matter who his wife was, this is a sin issue in his heart.\u00a0 So if he has a lust problem, he would have that no matter who he had married.\u00a0 So she's got to learn to think objectively about it -- how, Lord, can I help him here?\u00a0 If he's an unbeliever, don\u2019t use Scripture, but she can still say to him, \"This is not right -- it's not right for you to scream and yell and me\" or the children or whatever.\u00a0 Appeal to his conscience to do what's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're really talking about taking the focus off yourself and how it's impacting you and instead saying \"God's put me here in the midst of this so that I can be an encouragement or an exhorter or an influencer in the life of a person who is sinning.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 So there are situations where there is a legitimate offense, a legitimate hurt, but, again, she can honor the Lord and show love to the other person even if the other person never repents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But there is another way that women or men, too, can have their feelings hurt, and that is their judging motives.\u00a0 We talked about that, I think, earlier.\u00a0 But they're reading more into a situation than what is allowed.\u00a0 I'll give you an example.\u00a0 When I was a young wife, I was a Christian, but we were just baby Christians then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My husband had invited some people over for dinner.\u00a0 That was not a problem.\u00a0 We did stuff like that all the time.\u00a0 I cooked, I cleaned up, I got everything ready, and -- but that particular day I didn't realize it, but I was getting sick, and the next day I really came down with the flu or something.\u00a0 So you know how you feel bad, but you're not really sure, there?\u00a0 So I was finishing up cooking, I was sweeping the kitchen floor, and I began to think, \"My husband should be helping me.\u00a0 He invited these people.\u00a0 I didn't invite them.\u00a0 He knows I need help.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, he had not a clue, okay, not one clue.\u00a0 He was upstairs doing something on the computer, probably something for our church.\u00a0 Well, by the time he got down the steps, I was so mad at him and so hurt with him for knowing I needed help, and I was crying, and he said, \"What's wrong?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"You know what's wrong.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0He just walked into a war zone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0He said, \"No, actually, I don't know what's wrong.\"\u00a0 I said, \"I'm not going to tell you.\u00a0 You know what you've done.\"\u00a0 And that wasn't like -- I didn't usually do that to him.\u00a0 So, anyway, finally, he said, \"We are not ending this discussion until you tell me,\" and I said, \"I need help.\u00a0 You invited the people for dinner, and you should have known I needed help.\"\u00a0 And he paused, and then he said, very nicely but very firmly, \"Don't you ever be mad at me again for not doing something you haven't asked me to do.\u00a0 I cannot read your mind.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And he said, \"I will always come and help you and, if I can't, I will have a good reason, you know, and I'll explain it.\"\u00a0 Well, he was so reasonable \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You hated that, didn't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0\u2026 and so right, that I said, \"Well, okay, I need help.\"\u00a0 So he helped me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But the way he handled that, what that did was help me really think about, okay, it was so true that I could see it and, after that, and I won't say I've never done something like that again but, really and truly, it helped us in our communication and so if I am starting to feel overwhelmed, and he's there, I will go and ask him to help me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Martha, I want to thank you for writing the book and being on our broadcast.\u00a0 As I've listened to chat about the issue women face today, I've been reflecting on my wife, Barbara, and, yeah, she struggles with some of these issues, there's no question about it, but I'm sitting here thinking, \"I really have a good woman,\" and, you know, she's not a gossip, she doesn't slander people, and the key is -- and this is what I want to challenge the women who are listening with, and I know you do this throughout the entire book -- the key to that is she is a student of Scripture, and she knows Jesus Christ because of that, and she has God's view of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And because she has that, you know what?\u00a0 Yeah, she has her own struggles here that we've talked about, but she's dealing with life the way God wants us to deal with it, and that's what you're instructing women to do with their issues they're facing is instead of handling them like the world handles them, let's deal with them biblically, let's talk about a new perspective of these issues of manipulation and vanity and PMS and -- like the one we just talked about -- and I think your book does a great job of doing that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, I think this is one of those books that people ask themselves, \"Do I really want to read a book like this,\" because it's going to uncover stuff, it's going to expose stuff that is going to make me uncomfortable, that is going to be unpleasant to have a to confront and yet you know if you leave this stuff unconfronted, that's not going to do you any good, that's not going to lead to godliness, it's not going to lead to a strong Christ-centered marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So at some point you've got to confront some of these issues, and I think your book helps women do that.\u00a0 We've got it in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 The book is called \"Damsels in Distress, Biblical Solutions for Problems Women Face,\" and you can go to our website, FamilyLife.com, to request a copy of this book.\u00a0 Click the button in the middle of the home page that says \"Go.\"\u00a0 It's a red button, and that will take you to an area of the site where there's information about Martha's book; also information about her book, \"The Excellent Wife,\" which is a wonderful book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, if our listeners would like to get both of these books, we can send along at no additional cost the CD audio of our conversation with Martha, which you can listen to again or share with others, pass along to a friend, if you'd like.\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 If you click the red button that says \"Go,\" it will take you right where you need to go so you can order copies of these books from our website or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 That's 1-800-358-6329, and someone on our team can let you know how you can have these books sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you get in touch with us, would you keep in mind FamilyLife Today is listener-supported, and what we mean by that is that folks like you, who make contributions to the ministry, and that's how we pay the bills here at FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 What we want to make sure you understand is that we believe, when it comes to giving, your local church should be your top priority for giving, and we don't want any giving to FamilyLife to interfere in any way with what you're doing with your local church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I know that some of you are able, above and beyond those commitments, to help with our financial needs, and we appreciate that.\u00a0 This month, if you can make a donation of any amount to our ministry, we'd love to send you as a thank you gift a workbook that is a planning guide for couples who want to have a getaway weekend.\u00a0 This actually helps you reorient and re-prioritize your marriage and your family in a getaway weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it's not all hard work.\u00a0 There's a lot of time to relax and reconnect as a couple built into this workbook.\u00a0 The book is called \"Getting Away to Get It Together.\"\u00a0 It is our gift to you when you help us with a donation this month of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 When you make a donation online, as you're filling out the form, you'll come to a keycode box.\u00a0 Type the word \"away\" in there, if you would, and that way we'll know that you'd like to have a copy of this book sent to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Or call us at 1-800-FLTODAY, that's 1-800-358-6329, make your donation over the phone and just mention you'd like a copy of the getaway book, and we'll be happy to send it to you.\u00a0 Again, it's our way of saying thanks for your partnership with us here on the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, as we've talked about some tough issues today with Martha Peace, issues that women sometimes uniquely face, it may feel uncomfortable for these things to get pointed out, and yet I've heard you share an illustration, Martha, that I think is helpful as we talk about these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMartha:\u00a0I use the illustration of one time we went out to eat with some other people, and I got a piece of food on my face, and it dried there, and nobody told me, and my husband didn't tell me, and that was a mistake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Later, when I went in the restroom of the restaurant and saw that, I realized I had been talking, and the food had been flapping up and down.\u00a0 So I told him later, I said, \"Don't ever not tell me.\"\u00a0 He said, \"Well, I didn't want to embarrass you.\"\u00a0 I said, \"Well, it would have embarrassed me but nothing like it embarrassed me later.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sin is like that.\u00a0 Everybody knows it.\u00a0 We're not as clever as hiding it as we think we are, so we just need to get over it and be humble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301284","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301284"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301284"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301284"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301284"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301284"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301284"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301284"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}