{"id":301279,"date":"2007-01-12T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-01-12T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:34","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:34","slug":"more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"More Q&#038;A on Separation and Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today on the broadcast, author and speaker Laura Petherbridge answers more of your questions on separation and divorce.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.29M","filesize_raw":"11843379","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903,2812,2813],"tags":[4033,4874],"podcast_series":[7498],"cwp_profile":[3308],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301279","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","category-realities-of-divorce","category-recovering-from-divorce","tag-divorce","tag-infidelity","podcast_series-when-a-marriage-dies","cwp_profile-laura-petherbridge","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301279\/more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301279\/more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ER5yAYnKDB\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce\/\">More Q&#038;A on Separation and Divorce<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/more-qa-on-separation-and-divorce\/embed\/#?secret=ER5yAYnKDB\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;More Q&#038;A on Separation and Divorce&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ER5yAYnKDB\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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divorce.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Just about everyone who faces the reality of a divorce has to deal with the tension.\u00a0 There are regrets and issues that need to be dealt with, and there's also a point where you have to move on.\u00a0 Here's author Laura Petherbridge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Okay, maybe I was too critical, or maybe I should have been more attentive to my spouse, you know, whatever things are running through your mind.\u00a0 But if the divorce has already occurred, and there's no way to go back and fix any of that, there comes a point of where you have to ask God to forgive you, learn why you did those things and move on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Friday, January 12th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 How do you know when it's time to keep working on issues and when it's time to get on with your life?\u00a0 Stay tuned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, we get enough letters, e-mails here at FamilyLife with people who have questions about what should I do in this situation?\u00a0 And they describe a marital situation or a situation following a marriage where they're wondering how do I honor God in this situation?\u00a0 I want to do what's right.\u00a0 What should I do?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I often read those, Dennis, and I think to myself of the children's nursery rhyme about Humpty Dumpty and how all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again.\u00a0 You look at some of these situations, and you think, you know, there's no good answer to trying to resolve your situation.\u00a0 We'll give you the best answer we can, but if you're looking for an answer that fixes everything, we've got to deal with the fact that things cracked and in some cases you can't get them back to where they belong.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, there's a reason why Jesus commanded us.\u00a0 He said, \"What God has joined together let no man separate.\"\u00a0 And the reason, Bob, is the very thing you're talking about is when you separate that which God joined together, then there are going to be cracks and breaks, and it's not going to be a matter of finding some super glue and piecing it back together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, all this week we've been talking with Laura Petherbridge, and Laura joins us again.\u00a0 Laura, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Laura is a speaker, a teacher, an author, and has written a book, \"When Your Marriage Dies, Answers to Questions About Separation and Divorce,\" and, Laura, we're going to continue on as we did earlier this week.\u00a0 We're going to just continue to pepper you with questions that people ask about this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me ask you one first before we go to Laura.\u00a0 Can I do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You may.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There are probably some listeners that have been listening this week and are going, \"What is FamilyLife Today doing talking about a book called, \"When Your Marriage Dies?\"\u00a0 I mean, aren't you about marriages not dying?\u00a0 Why are you talking about this subject in the first place?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, I'm glad you asked that question, Bob, because, as you know, you and I discuss this a great deal and even talked with Laura about this before we came on the air.\u00a0 We really believe in marriage, and we don't believe in divorce.\u00a0 In fact, anybody who listens to FamilyLife Today knows that we believe the \"D\" word needs to be eliminated from the vocabulary in every Christian marriage.\u00a0 That word should never pass through your lips.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Yet the reality is in the Christian community and in the culture that there are a lot of divorces resulting in a lot of broken people who need to be ministered to, and the church needs to minister to them, the Christian community needs to admit they're there and needs to come alongside them and, hopefully, that's what we've done all this week, is we've come alongside them while not dropping the standard that marriage should be a covenant relationship for a lifetime.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And all we're doing is admitting, you know what?\u00a0 It does occur, and we're certainly not condoning it occurring, but when it does occur, we want to come alongside you to bring some help and encouragement and hope in the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Laura, you know, you talk to pastors and church leaders who feel uncomfortable in any way dealing with this subject because they don't want to somehow signal, \"Well, divorce is bad but if it's going to occur, we'll help make it all better,\" and yet at the same time, we want to minister grace and love to those who, in any circumstances, have found themselves in a broken marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes, what most of them don't realize \u2013 sometimes when I talk to pastors or churches is that it takes two people to get married, but it only takes one to get divorced.\u00a0 And usually the people that come to a divorce recovery program in a church are usually the person that did not want the marriage to end.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, that doesn't mean they may not have been the one that actually had to file the papers, because sometimes for financial reasons or for safety reasons, sometimes they have to be the person that does some of that ugly stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Which, by the way, I think is why Jesus said, \"Because of the hardness of your heart, Moses allows for divorce\" not because Jesus was saying, \"Oh, in some cases, it's not a big deal.\"\u00a0 But He's saying there are some cases where the law needs to step in to protect an innocent person from \u2013 and I use that word with quotations around it, because when a marriage comes apart, both people bear some responsibility.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But the person who didn't want the divorce may actually be the one who has to file for it for protection, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 And the person filing for the divorce may not have been the one who broke the covenant.\u00a0 Very often one of the two has broken the covenant, and that is not always the person that has filed for the divorce.\u00a0 So divorce is a complicated issue in the church because there are so many facets to it.\u00a0 But the bottom line is that it takes two people to get married, willingly walking to the altar and getting married, but it only takes one person to get divorced.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so very often you're left with half of those people, myself as one of them, who did not want their marriage to end, but I found myself in that circumstance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And the fact that they didn't want their marriage to end doesn't mean that they don't have some issues they need to deal with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right, as I have very clearly stated.\u00a0 I came with a lot of baggage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, I think sometimes the person who doesn't want a marriage to end feels like, again, the innocent party and thinks, \"I'm not the bad person here.\"\u00a0 And we're not trying to say anybody is the bad person, but everybody's got some issues they need to peel back and look at, don't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's correct.\u00a0 And three-quarters of the time, it was that I should have never gotten married to that person in the first place, and why did I gravitate to that person when there were a lot of red flags in the engagement?\u00a0 And so that's three-quarters of the healing process at the end.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay, I want to get to some questions here that some of our listeners might be asking.\u00a0 How do you handle family gatherings like maybe it's a family reunion, the marriage of one of our children, getting together at Christmastime?\u00a0 Well, how do you handle that in the midst of a divorce having occurred?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0The bottom line is if you have children that will be a part of your life for the rest of your life.\u00a0 Do not think that because they become adults or because they're grown or because they marry that those issues all disappear.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And what you have to do is, first of all, deal with do I still have bitterness or unforgiveness in my heart?\u00a0 And then you have to get to a place of where you are accepting that this is what's happened in my life, and I'm going to let Jesus teach me how to be at my child's wedding and be in a picture with my former spouse and not create a scene, not make it ugly for my kid.\u00a0 You know, this is my child's wedding, and I am going to love and respect them, and I'm going to make this day as smooth as possible for them no matter what I have to do, even if I hate it, and it makes me feel horrible.\u00a0 I will do it for my child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me throw a different scenario at you.\u00a0 Let's say that someone is abandoned by a spouse who runs off with another person.\u00a0 That was your situation in your first marriage.\u00a0 Maybe in the back of their mind or maybe somebody actually says it to them \u2013 there is this thought that, \"You know, if I had just done things differently.\u00a0 If I'd been a better husband, if I had cared more, if I had spent more money, if I'd taken better care of the yard, whatever.\u00a0 Maybe you think that in the back of your mind or maybe somebody actually says, you know, \"If you'd just stepped up a little better, you might have been able to keep her.\"\u00a0 What do you do with that?\u00a0 Because you look back, and you think there were some things.\u00a0 Maybe I should have done some things differently.\u00a0 What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0First of all, it depends on where the comment is coming from.\u00a0 There's people in your life that are \u2013 when you go through a separation and divorce that are going to want to say hurtful things just because that's what they do.\u00a0 They're toxic people, they're unsafe people, and when I went through my divorce people said some very horrible things to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, first of all, you have to recognize the source of the question or the source of the person that's coming to you.\u00a0 And then to really just sit down and self-reflect \u2013 \"Okay, maybe I was too critical or maybe I didn't do all these different things that a husband or a wife should do.\u00a0 Maybe I should have been more attentive to my spouse,\" you know, whatever things are running through your mind.\u00a0 But if the divorce has already occurred, and there's no way to go back and fix any of that, there comes a point of where you have to ask God to forgive you and move on.\u00a0 Learn from that, learn why you did those things, and then move on from that.\u00a0 If you stay beating yourself up over that, it doesn't do anybody any good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I think of the pattern of the Apostle Paul there who reflected back on his own sinful past and came to a point where he said, \"Forgetting what lies behind, I press on.\"\u00a0 And that's where a lot of individuals need to get, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's correct, absolutely.\u00a0 You've got to know that God does have a future and a hope for you, and that it's a good one, it's a good one.\u00a0 It's not just tolerating being single again.\u00a0 He's got a thriving, successful, exciting future for you, and divorce is an event in our life.\u00a0 It is not who you are.\u00a0 It's an event that has happened in your life.\u00a0 It does not determine your worth.\u00a0 It's not who you are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So often we feel stamped with a divorcee label on our forehead because we're divorced.\u00a0 God doesn't look at you and say, \"Oh, there's a divorced person.\"\u00a0 God look at you and says, \"That's my beloved.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And God is always delighted in taking broken people and using them for His purposes.\u00a0 What if you found yourself going to a church that perhaps taught that if a person got a divorce, God could never use them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Well, I'd say that's unbiblical.\u00a0 I think all through Scripture we have all kinds of examples of people who do horrible things.\u00a0 I mean, you look at Rahab, she was a prostitute.\u00a0 Most people would view that today as worse than divorce, but what I use as the best example of that is the Samaritan woman who Jesus found.\u00a0 She had five husbands and now was living with another guy, and He uses that woman \u2013 she is the evangelistic tool that He uses to go back to the city.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It even says, \"Many came to know Him as the Savior because of her testimony.\"\u00a0 I think God put that right in Scripture so that we would know God can use anybody, and if we say that divorce discounts us from being of use to God, that means that divorce is more powerful than the blood of Jesus Christ.\u00a0 We need to be very clear that that's what we are saying, and that's a powerful \u2013 I don't know anything more powerful than the blood of Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to ask a couple of questions around the actual divorce, and the first one just involves, perhaps, pre-divorce and separation.\u00a0 A couple are separated.\u00a0 How should they relate to one another?\u00a0 Should they keep their distance sexually?\u00a0 I mean, if they're legally separated, and there's been some severe things happen in that marriage, what should define that relationship at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes, that's a great question because most people don't have the courage to ask that question, and a lot of people who are separated are still having sexual relations because they think, \"Well, we're still legally married, so this should be okay.\"\u00a0 And I'm not saying it's a sinful thing to continue to have sexual relations with your spouse when you are in a state of separation, but I can tell you that it is a very emotionally unwise thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sex is a sacred part of marriage between two people that trust each other and open themselves up to each other, and by using sex as just a means of \u2013 you know, a lot of people have sex when they're separated for a variety of reasons.\u00a0 The person that doesn't want the marriage to end sometimes thinks, \"Well, if I keep having sex, maybe that will bring [the person] back,\" that is very rarely ever the case.\u00a0 As a matter of fact, I have never seen that work.\u00a0 It's only a tool for one person to be using the other person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So usually the one is saying the sex will maybe bring them back to the marriage, the other one is saying, \"Hey, I'm getting free sex out of this, and I don't feel guilty because we're legally married.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, stop and think about it this way \u2013 somebody has said that when a couple comes together in the act of intimacy in marriage, they are renewing their marriage vows.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, if the two of you are separated, are you going to renew your marriage vows, and what does that mean?\u00a0 It doesn't mean he's going home at the end of the evening.\u00a0 You know, it doesn't mean that you're going to remain in your separation.\u00a0 So I think that's wise advice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0How would you respond to somebody who says, \"You know, I've been divorced now for a year and a half.\u00a0 My friends are telling me, \"'It is time to get on with your life,' and I'm still kind of holding out hope that there might be a reconciliation.\u00a0 My wife might have a change of heart.\u00a0 She's not remarried, and my friends are saying, 'Forget that, get on with your life.'\u00a0 What should I do?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Well, even for reasons not only in desiring reconciliation, which is a great reason to not start dating, but even if that weren't the case, even the person had remarried, a year and a half is not enough time to recover from the devastation of a separation and divorce.\u00a0 It's just not enough time.\u00a0 Your heart is still wounded even though you think you're ready.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So usually when people say \"Get on with your life,\" they usually mean, you know, go find someone new.\u00a0 And the bottom line is, especially if you have children, kids don't do well in these new relationships because they often lost one parent, now they view this as losing the second parent.\u00a0 So that's one \u2013 if you have kids, that's one good reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The second reason is please, please go somewhere to get some help to stabilize as a single-again person.\u00a0 If I had one heart cry to the church, that is what it would be.\u00a0 Please start providing programs for single-again people, something even beyond divorce recovery.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Very often, they go through a divorce recovery group, and then they jump into a singles group, and there's nothing for them that teaches them how to stabilize as a newly single-again person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, what if I am stabilized.\u00a0 Let's say I've gone through that process.\u00a0 I've dealt with issues.\u00a0 I feel like the Lord's been at work in my life, and I'm in a different place, and now I've met somebody, and I've got the kids at home.\u00a0 I haven't told the kids about this person I've met.\u00a0 Should I?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When should I?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0No, do not tell the kids.\u00a0 I recommend if you're going to date, do it when they're with the other parent, on the weekend, you know, or time that they're with the other parent.\u00a0 Don't be parading these new people that you're dating or even one individual that you're dating in front of your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The reason for that is that they grow an attachment to that person, and then if that relationship dies, it is one more loss for them.\u00a0 So you shouldn't be introducing your children to a new person until you and the other person, the person you're dating, have talked about getting married, and you're very closely moving towards that.\u00a0 Then you should introduce the children into that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What happens if, let's say, you have a teenage son, and you introduce the guy, and the teenage son doesn't like him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Hates him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yeah, it's very common.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And you know that \u2013 well, you know that this guy would be really good for your son, and you know he needs a model right now, and yet the boy doesn't know what's best for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Well, a lot of people aren't going to like this answer, I won't win a lot of brownie points with this, but you have to put your children before your new relationship or your new marriage.\u00a0 I highly recommend that people wait until their kids are out of the house \u2013 and I know somebody sitting out there has got a two-year-old, and they're saying, \"Do you have any idea?\u00a0 You're saying I need to wait 16 years?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'm not saying you need to wait 16 years to start having friends or date or have relationships, but I am saying that the children who do the best are the ones whose parents wait until they are out of the home to begin a second marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There is one more question I have to ask you, and it almost seems odd to ask this question on a Christian family talk radio program, but what about living together?\u00a0 I mean, quite honestly, I'm just kind of astounded in the culture as I venture out beyond Christian circles at how many divorcees trial-test relationships and even within the Christian circle, in the single group.\u00a0 They're divorced, and they want to see if they're \"compatible.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes, I see it all the time, unfortunately.\u00a0 Part of the reason that people do that when they've been divorced is because they're so fearful of getting married again, of getting another divorce.\u00a0 But then they live together thinking that's a better solution.\u00a0 But, of course, God can't bless that.\u00a0 It's sin.\u00a0 It's outside of His command, and the only reason He ever tells us no is to protect us.\u00a0 So He's trying to protect you, number one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number two, look at what an example this is setting for our kids.\u00a0 We are raising a generation of children that do not believe in marriage anymore because they've not only seen their parents divorce, now they've seen the step family divorce, and so in their mind marriage doesn't work, it just doesn't work.\u00a0 It might have worked in the 1940s, but it does not work today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so to the person who thinks this is not harming their child, to live together, they are just deceived, it's just as simple as that.\u00a0 They're taking the easy way out, and they're deceived, and it's going to reap more consequences than they could ever dream possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And, you're right, it seems like why should you even have to ask the question on a Christian talk show and yet in the culture, in the church \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 no doubt about it \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 it's happening all over the place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, you know, first of all, Laura, I want to thank you for being on our program all this week and for your godly advice around some very, very tough, thorny issues.\u00a0 But as I've sat here and listened all week, I've thought about a set of scales being on the table here.\u00a0 And on one side, for divorce, and on the other side for marriage.\u00a0 And as we've gone all week, one side continues to pile higher and higher, and the scales tip in that direction.\u00a0 And the other side, man, there's just not a lot of good evidence for divorce.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, you know, you've helped us make a great case for marriage that goes the distance, and I just want you to know I appreciate you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Thank you very much.\u00a0 I appreciate you addressing this topic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And I can imagine that there are some of our listeners who maybe haven't been able to be with us for the entire week as we've talked about this subject, or maybe they just have some other questions that we were not able to address.\u00a0 Let me encourage them to get a copy of the book, \"When Your Marriage Dies,\" where you answer questions about separation and divorce, particularly from the perspective of someone who did not want a divorce and is now having to deal with the implications, the ramifications, of having gone through a divorce.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've got the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 You can go to our website at FamilyLife.com, click the red button on the home page that says \"Go,\" and that will take you right to the site where there's more information about Laura's book.\u00a0 There is also information about other resources from us here at FamilyLife, including a book that our friends at Divorce Care have put together that is a read-aloud storybook for elementary-age or younger children called \"Stories for Kids in Divorce.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Either of these resources would be something that you could select to give to a friend and show your concern and your compassion for that person.\u00a0 In fact, if you order both books, we'll send along at no additional cost the two CDs that feature the audio of our conversation this week with Laura, and you could share that with your friends as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Go to the website to request these resources or call 1-800-FLTODAY, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and someone on our team can let you know how you can get these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'm sure in your family there have been times when you have looked at your stack of bills, and you have looked at your upcoming paycheck, and you have thought, \"Okay, I hope that we can make this work.\"\u00a0 You know, there's enough in the paycheck to cover the bills and that the check gets here in time.\u00a0 That's just a part of life for many of us as we handle our personal family finances, and it's also a part of life for us here at FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We are listener-supported, and so part of what we're hoping for each day is that folks like you who listen to FamilyLife Today would consider making a donation to our ministry.\u00a0 Without those donations, well, the bills pile up, and we have to figure out what to do at that point.\u00a0 And you need to know that at FamilyLife we don't borrow money for ministry.\u00a0 If the money's not there, we simply have to pull back on the ministry initiatives that are in front of us and, at times, that has meant that we've had to cancel some of the stations on which you hear FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We hate to do that, but it's just a part of practicing good stewardship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0During the month of January we wanted to say thank you to any of our listeners who could help with a donation of any amount for this ministry by sending a thank you book called \"Getting Away to Get it Together,\" by our friends, Bill and Carolyn Wellons.\u00a0 This is a guidebook for couples to use a get away for a weekend to think about their marriage and their family and the direction things are headed and issues they may need to address.\u00a0 It's really an opportunity to do some strategic planning for your marriage.\u00a0 Again, it's our way of saying thank you this month if you are able to help with a donation of any amount for the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you can do that, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, make a donation online, and when you do, you'll come to a keycode box on the donation form.\u00a0 Just type the word \"away\" in that keycode box so that we know to send you a copy of this book.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 You can make your donation over the phone and just mention that you'd like the get away book, and we'll be happy to send that out to you, again, as our way of saying thanks for your financial support of this ministry during the month of January.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, I hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can be back here on Monday when we're going to be joined by our friends, Les and Leslie Parrott.\u00a0 We're going to talk about mentoring and what you can do as an older couple to help younger couples stay on the right path as they navigate their marriage.\u00a0 And you might be thinking, \"Well, we're not an older couple.\"\u00a0 Well, you're older than somebody, right?\u00a0 Unless you got married last weekend, you've got at least a week behind somebody else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So there's undoubtedly somebody that you can reach out and help, and we'll talk about that on Monday.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back on Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_____________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>www.FamilyLife.com<\/strong>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301279","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301279"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301279"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301279"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301279"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301279"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301279"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301279"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}