{"id":301275,"date":"2007-01-10T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2007-01-10T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-time-to-heal\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:34","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:34","slug":"a-time-to-heal","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-time-to-heal\/","title":{"rendered":"A Time to Heal"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Today on the broadcast, Laura Petherbridge, author of the book When Your Marriage Dies, remembers the first night she slipped into bed and realized she hadn&#8217;t cried that day&#8211;a major milestone since her difficult divorce.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-10.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"10.58M","filesize_raw":"11088923","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2903],"tags":[4033,4874],"podcast_series":[7498],"cwp_profile":[3308],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301275","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-infidelity","tag-divorce","tag-infidelity","podcast_series-when-a-marriage-dies","cwp_profile-laura-petherbridge","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301275\/a-time-to-heal","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301275\/a-time-to-heal","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"sktzt7XxA1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-time-to-heal\/\">A Time to Heal<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-time-to-heal\/embed\/#?secret=sktzt7XxA1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Time to Heal&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"sktzt7XxA1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Today on the broadcast, Laura Petherbridge, author of the book When Your Marriage Dies, remembers the first night she slipped into bed and realized she hadn't cried that day--a major milestone since her difficult divorce.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2007-01-10.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When Laura Petherbridge's husband left their marriage, it was an eye-opener for Laura about a lot of things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0What I didn't recognize at that point was all the brokenness that was in me that I didn't know about that came from my parents' divorce, that came from tons of different areas that I didn't even know I was bringing all of that.\u00a0 So until I learned what was broken in me, I couldn't begin to heal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, January 10th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 When a marriage dies, many people never take a long, hard look inside to see their own issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I've heard you reference a verse in Ecclesiastes, I think it's Ecclesiastes 7, about visiting the house of mourning, about going to funerals.\u00a0 It says it's good for believers to do that and to see the end.\u00a0 It's better to go to the house of mourning than to the house of feasting, I think is what it says.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right, it says the living takes it to heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And typically, we'd apply a verse like that to the death of an individual, but there are other deaths that that kind of a passage can be applied to, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I think there are, and certainly the death of a marriage in a family is one of those events that \u2013 well, just as you and I have recently had the chance to do that, Bob, when you visit something that does begin to die, and you begin to know what caused that?\u00a0 What happened there?\u00a0 And it's almost with fear and reverence that you look at it, and you come to your own set of conclusions about what you're going to do in your own life that's going to be different because of what you've observed and seen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The living take it to heart, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The living takes it to heart.\u00a0 And fortunately, we've had with us all this week, Laura Petherbridge, who has allowed us to take a bit of the journey with her, as she shared about her marriage dying back in 1984 and '85, as it went through that process.\u00a0 Laura is an author.\u00a0 She's a speaker and teacher, and lives in Atlanta along with her husband.\u00a0 And, Laura, I want to welcome you back to FamilyLife Today and just thank you for your honesty that you share in your book, \"When Your Marriage Dies.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Earlier you talked about how your marriage dying was like going to a funeral, and yet you did heal.\u00a0 You went through a process of moving past the funeral and the grieving process to a time when you began to experience that healing.\u00a0 You said in your book that there was a die you didn't cry, and that was the day you knew you had begun the process truly in earnest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 I can distinctly remember the night that I laid my head to the pillow and thought, \"I didn't cry today.\"\u00a0 It was months and months after the original day of finding out that the marriage was over, and I cried every day, every single day, up until that point.\u00a0 And so it's so funny how you remember certain things, but I can remember this distinctly \u2013 just, \"Oh, my goodness, I didn't cry today,\" and that was a real milestone because I knew something was beginning to heal and beginning to change; that I had been able to go through a whole day without grieving in the form of tears. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think \u2013you know, I was a young Christian, but I knew that forgiveness had to be a part of healing.\u00a0 I knew enough about Jesus, I knew enough about Christianity to know that forgiveness had to \u2013 and so I began fairly early in the process \u2013 I was bound and determined \u2013 it was self-centered \u2013 I was bound and determined that I did not want to end up an old, bitter woman.\u00a0 And I knew the only way for that to happen was for Jesus to teach me how to forgive.\u00a0 I didn't have any idea how to forgive in this circumstance, but I asked Him, please, I'm willing to become willing if you'll teach me how to forgive in this circumstance, because I hate him, I hate her, you know, I'm just \u2013 I want misery in all of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so I asked for God to teach me how to forgive and basically what the Lord gave me was the Scripture when Jesus is on the cross, \"Father, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing,\" and He spoke to me and just said \u2013 I mean, not spoke to me audibly but through the Word said to me, \"Laura, he's deceived.\u00a0 He doesn't know what he's doing.\u00a0 He's believed the lie that this will bring him happiness.\u00a0 It's a lie, going outside of my will, outside of my Word, never brings happiness in the long run, never brings joy.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so that was the beginning of the healing because at that moment I saw it through God's eyes instead of my own eyes, and I saw that he was just a person that was deceived, and I began praying for her, the other woman, and the Lord showed me her as a little girl who thought her self-worth was coming from stealing someone else's husband.\u00a0 That's how she felt good about herself.\u00a0 That's how she had some value \u2013 \"I can steal someone else's husband.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so when I began to see him and her through God's eyes instead of my own hurtful pain, that was really the beginning of when the healing began.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me ask you \u2013 if somebody came to you today and said, \"Here's my story, Laura, I was divorced.\u00a0 My husband was involved with another woman.\u00a0 I've come to a point in my life where I've been able, with God's grace, to forgive my husband and to forgive the other person.\u00a0 I think I'm ready to move on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Would you say, \"You've done what's required, and you are ready to move on.\"\u00a0 Or would you say, \"There's still some stuff you need to dig around in and deal with?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Absolutely, there's more stuff, because that was just the very tip of the iceberg.\u00a0 What I didn't recognize at that point was all the brokenness that was in me that I brought into the marriage.\u00a0 This is why I'm so passionate about teaching people how to stabilize before they move into a second marriage.\u00a0 If their marriage does end, their marriage does die, when the divorce is over, and the funeral has been had, and then you're thinking, \"Well, I'll move into another relationship,\" that's why second marriages end in divorce in such higher rate because people do not stabilize, first of all.\u00a0 Second of all, they don't take the time to find out what is broken in me.\u00a0 There was so much stuff broken inside of Laura that I didn't know about that came from my parents' divorce, that came from tons of different areas that I didn't even know I was bringing all of that.\u00a0 So until I learned what was broken in me, I couldn't begin to heal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Was there a single thing you feel like that you brought into your first marriage that contributed to its death more than any other thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 I believe that during the season of my parents' divorce, I took on the responsibility of that.\u00a0 I did not know that, obviously, as a child, and I didn't know it until much later in my life, but I believed that I was the cause of my parents' divorce.\u00a0 And so that guilt and that shame, I brought all of that into the marriage, which also brought fear and a lack of trust.\u00a0 So that guilt and shame had two partners with it, you know, fear and a lack of trust.\u00a0 And so I brought all of that sadness and that brokenness and that baggage with me into my first marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you didn't know it was there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And your husband didn't know it was there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Nope.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And the two of you are trying to forge a one-flesh union with each other, and there's all the stuff that keeps popping up, and you don't know where it's coming from and neither does her, and you're looking around going, \"This isn't what I thought marriage was going to be.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 And so now, when I look back on it, and I see just how wounded I was going into that marriage, it's just very eye-opening.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The problem is, when all of us enter into marriage, we don't see our limps.\u00a0 We don't walk with a limp, and as a result we're entering into marriage thinking, \"You know what?\u00a0 This is going to be happily ever after.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And yet in the marriage relationship, those wounds and handicaps and limps are uncovered and, at that point, if you don't have a plan that's bigger than you are from the Scripture to deal with it, then you're going to be in trouble.\u00a0 You're not going to know how to deal with your own handicaps and limps and wounds or your spouse's.\u00a0 And that, again, Bob, is why I want to encourage people \u2013 you need to get the training that we offer at the Weekend to Remember Marriage Conference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I know I mention it a lot on this broadcast, but I believe it's the finest biblical training you'll ever receive on marriage and family today just around the very fundamentals of how you build a great relationship, and two people coming into a marriage relationship with limps and baggage and, as you said, shame and guilt and fear and lack of trust, you need help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You need blueprints to be able to build that marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You actually wound up meeting someone and marrying someone, and it was long before you had come to this realization about your own woundedness.\u00a0 In fact, I asked you if your marriage to Steve, which continues to this day, I asked you if it was a rebound marriage, and you said it absolutely was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes, it absolutely was.\u00a0 And I did what so many people do \u2013 I picked the exact opposite personality of my first husband thinking, \"Okay, this kind of person was not the match for me, so I'll look for somebody that's a complete opposite of that person, and that will be the match, that will be that stable, steady, you know, this will be the person that \u2013 now that marriage will work.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\"I obviously picked wrong the first time.\u00a0 I'll just go with something from a completely different aisle in the store.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Well, it was a mess.\u00a0 I mean, he had been divorced eight years, so he was much more ready, but I had only been divorced a year.\u00a0 And so I \u2013 I mean, I wasn't even done grieving yet.\u00a0 Yes, I wasn't crying every day, but I still was in deep grief over the loss of this marriage.\u00a0 And so I brought all of that with me into the second marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0On your wedding day, were you going, \"This is finally going to bring the joy and the healing I've been looking for?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0No, part of me was going, \"Okay, let's hurry up and get this over with so that\" \u2013 you know, it wasn't a day of, like, \"Okay, this is the next stage, the beginning of the rest of your life.\"\u00a0 It wasn't that.\u00a0 It was more of a, \"Okay, let's get this marriage on the road here, because that's what's going to fix the pain.\u00a0 I'll now be a married woman again, I'll fit back into church again, because when I'm single, I don't \u2013 single again, I don't fit in \u2013 so I can get back into the mode of being married, and so that was really more of what was on my mind.\u00a0 Let's just get back to normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And how long before you went, \"There are problems here, too.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Oh, yeah, I knew right away.\u00a0 I knew probably that first week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Honeymoon?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Oh, yeah, yeah.\u00a0 Not so much feeling like, \"Oh, I've made a mistake,\" but a feeling of \"You are a mess.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, you're not speaking of Steve at that point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0No, no, no, I'm not speaking of him being a mess.\u00a0 I'm speaking that I knew, after the second marriage, that I had not healed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The common denominator was you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And how did that come out in your first week of marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0There's only one person left standing, and it's you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I just\u2013 I think I just became \u2013 you know, I'm such a Type A, firstborn, classic, you know, you're just going to make this work, Laura.\u00a0 You're just going to put your nose to the grindstone, do whatever \u2013 you're a Christian.\u00a0 You just get in the Word, pray, and you're going to make this work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So on your honeymoon, that first week, what happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0There wasn't anything really traumatic, to speak of.\u00a0 It was just more of a sense of, \"Gee, maybe this wasn't the fixit that I thought it was going to be.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So some of the old feelings started to rise up again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0This time, instead of a little bit of mistrust, you've got your betrayal with your first husband that's layered on top of that, so you had to have an abundance of mistrust for this husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0How'd that come out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0It came out my nature is to be critical.\u00a0 I have a real critical side to me, and I could see myself becoming just real critical and nitpicky of him.\u00a0 Even though it had nothing to do with him, it was, like, because this wasn't the quick fix that I was expecting it to be.\u00a0 So \u2013 for even years after that, that critical side of me, which was a kind of natural part of my personality, anyway, but now it was escalating.\u00a0 Now it was getting much bigger and much louder because you aren't fixing me.\u00a0 You know, I expected you to fix me, and now you're not fixing me, and so \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0How did he respond?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0I don't think he knew it was as serious as it was.\u00a0 I mean, we talk about it now, and those early years, and he goes, \"Gee, I don't remember it being that bad.\"\u00a0 He didn't seem to \u2013 you know, of course, I try to attribute that he was just so wonderfully excited to be married to me that, you know \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I was chuckling because I was thinking that's typical male oblivion, you know, we just kind of \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We were having problems?\u00a0 Somebody needed to tell me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We had a good conversation last night, I thought.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0So, yeah, he was not aware it was serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It was five years into your marriage when someone asked you a perceptive question that began to open the door to some of these issues in your own life, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 Yes, I was working in a job, I worked in the medical field, I was a medical office manager, and I had left a job working for a doctor who had been an extremely difficult person to work for, and being the people pleaser that I am I just constantly was trying to make this person happy, and it was just a real stressful job.\u00a0 So I finally quit, and I was crying all the time after I quit this job, and I couldn't figure out why I was so depressed and so upset, and I knew part of it was that I just was disappointed that it didn't work out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I went to my pastor and stayed at my pastor's office, and he opens the door to come in and sit down and, \"Hi, Laura, how are you?\" and I burst into tears.\u00a0 And he said, \"Well, what's the matter?\" and I said, \"I don't know, but I'm eight years old, and I can't do one thing right.\"\u00a0 And we both just sort of looked at each other, because I hadn't expected that sentence to come out of my mouth, and he said, \"Why do you think you said that?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"I don't know.\"\u00a0 And he said, \"Well, what happened when you were eight years old?\" and I said, \"My parents divorced when I was eight.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And what that particular scenario did is it began me on a journey of learning from the Lord why am I still so wounded?\u00a0 Why am I still so hurting and performance-oriented?\u00a0 And God was just so faithful to me to press in close, and I began to realize that I let God save me, but I wouldn't let Him love me.\u00a0 I could not trust Him enough to let Him love me.\u00a0 I wouldn't let Him lavish me with the love that He wanted to love on me, and it was a very difficult process in dropping my guard and letting God in to love me because the fear and the lack of trust from the childhood was then carrying over into my relationship with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And your relationship in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0In fact, that was really the issue, wasn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Your relationship with God, understanding His love, His grace \u2013 when that started to get worked out, the marriage piece kind of shifted right into line, didn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 When I started to let God love me, I also started to let Steve love me.\u00a0 And it was huge, I mean, it was liberating, it was \u2013 you know, and I was finally starting to get these pieces that I had a distorted view of God, and it was affecting every single area of my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so once that \u2013 when He broke through and was able to start showing me \u2013 I let Him love me, lavish me with love, as it says in 1 John, then I started letting Steve love me, and the pieces came together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Did Steve notice the difference?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0Again, I don't think \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We don't want to paint Steve as this clueless husband who is not in tune with what's going on.\u00a0 I'm just wondering if he saw, \"Something's happening in my wife's life.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura:\u00a0He did know that, you know, as I would tell him that I was getting the grace message.\u00a0 You know, during that season, I had a girlfriend come over, and she said, \"I think God wants you to know that He really loves you.\u00a0 I think that's what He's trying to teach you in this,\" and she gave me a book to read.\u00a0 And I can remember, when she left I threw the book across the room and said, \"If we're back to John 3:16, and I've been a Christian this long, then we have not progressed very far.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I was still relating it just to salvation, which He was trying to tell me is He wants to love you.\u00a0 And so he did recognize that when the grace factor started becoming real to me; that I was going through change, but I don't really know if he recognized it immediately.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Laura, as I was listening to you share that, two thoughts came to mind.\u00a0 First, just the profound impact of divorce, the wound was real, and I want to remind our listeners that in Malachi, chapter 2, God says, \"I seek a godly offspring.\u00a0 That's why I hate divorce.\"\u00a0 He didn't say He hated divorcees, He said He hated the act of two people breaking their covenant with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I just want to remind our listeners \u2013 divorce leaves wounds that become scars.\u00a0 And if you're an adult child of a divorce, you may have some scars that need to be dealt with, maybe even some open wounds that you've never dealt with going back to your own parents' divorce, but you have to deal with them and allow God in His grace and, as you stated so beautifully, His love, be able to bring some of the healing and closure to those wounds.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, you know, that really reminds me of the second point.\u00a0 There is no great hope for a marriage between two selfish, imperfect people other than Jesus Christ and His love, His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy, His peace.\u00a0 I don't know where you point people today.\u00a0 What's the big idea that you're going to call people to that gets them out of themselves and their own self-centered selfishness of you've got to meet my needs, and I think that's what Jesus Christ does.\u00a0 He calls us to deny ourselves and pick up our cross and follow Him and let Him love another imperfect person through us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And that's what happened in your life, and that's what needs to happen, Bob, in the lives of millions of others in this nation today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I think a lot of people short-circuit the process you're talking about.\u00a0 They don't get in and open this thing up and look at their lives and their issues and what God is up to even in the midst of a situation where there's been abandonment, or there's been a divorce, and if you don't do that, again, I think you short circuit what God may be up to.\u00a0 You don't grow and learn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, you know this, Dennis, when we talk to folks and ask them to look back on their lives and tell us where were the times of accelerated growth, it's in the times of trial that we grow.\u00a0 And that's why it's important when you are going through something like this to get a copy of a book like the one Laura has written called \"When Your Marriage Dies.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can request a copy when you go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 There's a red button on our home page that says \"Go.\"\u00a0 It's right in the middle of the screen, and if you click that button, it will take you to a page where you can get more information about Laura's book and about other resources we have here at FamilyLife to help folks who are either going through a divorce or recovering from a divorce.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is also a book from our friends at Divorce Care, a book they've put together for children called \"Stories for Kids in Divorce.\"\u00a0 It's a storybook to be read aloud to younger children, elementary age children, to help them understand what God is up to as they go through and experience the impact of a family where a divorce has taken place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 If you click the red \"Go\" button in the middle of the screen, you'll get information about all of these resources.\u00a0 If you're interested in a copy of both Laura's book and the storybook for children, we'll send along at no additional cost the two CDs that feature our conversation this week with Laura Petherbridge.\u00a0 Again, you can find the information on our website, FamilyLife.com, or you can call 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and someone on our team will make sure that you get the information you need so these resources can be sent off to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think most of you know, if you're regular listeners, that FamilyLife Today is listener-supported.\u00a0 Folks like you help make programs like this possible.\u00a0 In fact, it's really a partnership.\u00a0 This radio station, our ministry, and you, as we partner together you make this program possible for you and your family but also for this community as folks tune in each day to hear the practical biblical help we try to provide for marriages and for families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This month, if you are able to help us with a donation of any amount for the ministry of FamilyLife Today, we would like to say thank you by sending you a book by Bill and Carolyn Wellons.\u00a0 It's a guidebook for couples who want to take a weekend and get away and do a little planning for their marriage and their family.\u00a0 Spend some time pulling back and saying, \"Where are we headed; where do we need to be headed; what are the issues we're facing, and how can we move forward and stay on the same page?\"\u00a0 The book is called \"Getting Away to Get It Together,\" and you can request a copy when you make a donation of any amount this month for the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can donate online at FamilyLife.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY to make a donation.\u00a0 If you're donating online, when you come to the keycode box, type the word \"away\" in there, if you would.\u00a0 Or if you're donating by phone, just mention that you'd like the book on getting away as a couple, and they'll know what you're talking about, and we'll be happy to send it off to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, it's our way of saying thank you for standing with us and helping to support this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your partnership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow Laura Petherbridge is going to be back with us.\u00a0 We want to talk about some of the very hard issues that folks face following a divorce \u2013 issues related to parenting, financial issues, personal relationship issues.\u00a0 We'll talk about a number of those things tomorrow.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_____________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website. If you've benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife. 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