{"id":301212,"date":"2006-10-11T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-10-11T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/living-with-regret\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:29","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:29","slug":"living-with-regret","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-with-regret\/","title":{"rendered":"Living With Regret"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Paul David Tripp talks about the emotional challenges of midlife and shares some sound advice for dealing with regret.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-10-11.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.35M","filesize_raw":"11902896","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848],"tags":[4852],"podcast_series":[7478],"cwp_profile":[3097],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301212","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","tag-mid-life","podcast_series-lost-in-the-middle","cwp_profile-paul-david-tripp","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301212\/living-with-regret","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301212\/living-with-regret","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"J05GyYc1y7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-with-regret\/\">Living With Regret<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/living-with-regret\/embed\/#?secret=J05GyYc1y7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Living With Regret&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"J05GyYc1y7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-10-11.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-10-11.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0If I'm getting my identity and my ability to pull it off perfectly, I'm going to hit midlife, and I'm going to be in trouble.\u00a0 My security as a human being, my meaning and purpose, is not rooted in what I have done but what God has done for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, that doesn't mean that wrong things are not wrong, but it means I don't experience that loss of identity as I face my wrong, because my personal security is in the work of another on my behalf.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, October 11th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Do you find yourself in the middle of life struggling with the fact that life seems to be speeding up while you're slowing down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Could I tell you the beef that I've got with our guest on today's broadcast?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Have you got a problem?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I have a problem.\u00a0 Dr. Paul David Tripp joins us again on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 He is the author of \"Lost in the Middle.\"\u00a0 Paul, I know you're really curious as to what beef I have against you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You should be.\u00a0 You wrote a book called \"Lost in the Middle,\" all right, and you define the middle as 35 to 55.\u00a0 Now, I'm 58.\u00a0 So \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0He's out of the middle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Where does that put the host of this broadcast?\u00a0 Is that called \"near the end?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0I'm writing a book for you with very big letters and short chapters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I was reading that, and I was going, \"Oh, my goodness.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're going, \"I'm not in the middle anymore.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'm not in the middle anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And as you wrote that, is it possible for somebody at 31 to be dealing with midlife issues? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Absolutely, in fact, there was an article just in The Philadelphia Inquirer about men from 25 to 30 who have all of the ingredients of midlife struggles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0What's up with that?\u00a0 What's going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0The issues, as much as they tend to hit in this age, are universal human issues.\u00a0 So I could hit disappointment anytime in my life, or regret, or the death of a dream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Why am I here?\u00a0 What's my purpose?\u00a0 We can wrestle with that at any point in our existence, can't we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 In fact, you can argue that a person who has taken God's call and biblical morality seriously will be a person who will have greater regret than a person who didn't.\u00a0 That regret is actually a good thing.\u00a0 It's the result of holding onto God's goals and not being willing to settle for a human second-best.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know what was playing in the back of my mind when you started talking about regrets \u2013 I was thinking about Frank Sinatra; thinking about that anthem to narcissism that he sang \u2013 \"My Way,\" because the second verse there starts \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Frank Sinatra sings \"My Way\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I thought, now why would Frank sing that?\u00a0 Why would Paul Anka write that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"I didn't have many standards.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's exactly what it is \u2013 too few regrets to mention because you really weren't hanging onto many lofty ideals, I guess, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well, that's exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You and your wife were hit with this issue of regrets when your last child left home.\u00a0 I mean, you wrote about this in your book.\u00a0 How did it hit you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0We began to reminisce, you know, sort of walk through the video of your own life, and we really began to face that fact that we were not the parents in every situation that we wanted to be.\u00a0 And I remember this one situation where I had pirated away money for months \u2013 I was a poor pastor \u2013 to take my children to Hershey Park, and we had packed a cooler full of soda, and I have four children, so I had gotten four cans of each kind of soda except for one magic soda that I couldn't resist, and there were only two cans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We got to the park.\u00a0 One of our children said, \"Dad, can we have something to drink before we go in the park,\" and I said, \"Sure,\" it didn't seem like a dangerous request.\u00a0 And they centered in on that \u2013 what was then \u2013 one can of that soda left because my older son was always the type of kid that if there's a crack in our parenting, he could drive an 18-wheeler through it, and he had had some of the soda.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, I mean, it was, like, all of a sudden, there was global war broke out.\u00a0 I mean, our kids were pulling on one another's stuff and ice down one another's backs, hitting one another over the head with cans of soda.\u00a0 It was just craziness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My day of familial amusement park bliss was over at that point, and so I jump in and said, \"Do you want to fight?\u00a0 We don't have to pay all this money for you to fight.\u00a0 I can take you home, I'll put a cooler in the middle of the backyard, I'll put one can of soda in the middle, and you can fight forever.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're kind of red in the face right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Reliving it.\u00a0 You kind of said that with some authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0I did, I did.\u00a0 I was out of control.\u00a0 Well, that's a hard moment to relive.\u00a0 That moment assaults everything I want to be as a father.\u00a0 It actually does something even more profound than that \u2013 it assaults what I thought I was as a father.\u00a0 Because we tend to look back, and we tend to have selective memories, and there are moments when your memory isn't so selective, when you see yourself as you actually are.\u00a0 It's hard to swallow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When you think about regret, my mind always goes to the Apostle Paul, who you find at one point in one of his writings, he seems to be headed there.\u00a0 He starts looking back with some level of regret over the man he was before he knew Christ, and he says, \"You know, frankly, it's waste.\u00a0 It's\" \u2013 he uses a graphic term.\u00a0 He says, \"It's dung when I look at my life,\" and yet it seems his strategy was forgetting what lies behind and pressing on.\u00a0 Is that what we're supposed to do with regret?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0It is not just about the fact that I affirm that I was a flawed father.\u00a0 I mean, you can say, \"Well, duh.\"\u00a0 It is that, in the face of what my belief that I wasn't is doing for me.\u00a0 If I'm getting my identity and my own righteousness in my ability to pull it off perfectly, I'm going to hit midlife, and I'm going to be in trouble because if I don't recognize it, my kids will recognize it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another example I've had \u2013 many parents go through this \u2013 is when the kids begin to tell the silly stories, the things you did as a parent.\u00a0 And they get bittersweet for you, because they're actually joking about things that are areas of weakness, and it's hard to hear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, if your identity has been in your own righteousness, then you're devastated when you begin to face the fact that I was not the person that I was.\u00a0 Now, what Paul actually does is counters regret, that kind of regret, with his identity in Christ and saying, \"My security as a human being, my meaning and purpose, is not rooted in what I have done, but what God has done for me.\"\u00a0 Now, that doesn't mean that wrong things are not wrong, but it means I don't experience that loss of identity as I face my wrong, because my personal security is in the work of another on my behalf.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Not all of our regret is wrapped up in parenting, although for those of us who are parents, we sure can look there, and it's kind of like a visible reminder of your regret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I've had the experience of \u2013 I'll be watching television and here's some guy on TV, and he's influential, and he's making pretty good money, and he's talented, and then I find out he's 32, and I go, \"Young kid, young stupid punk kid,\" you know, who has got all of that going for him.\u00a0 It used to be, you'd look at people you admire, and they were all older than you.\u00a0 Now you're looking at people you admire, and they're younger than you, and you think, \"That shouldn't be.\"\u00a0 I'm admiring younger people?\u00a0 That doesn't make \u2013 you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Let me talk about some other places where regret can root.\u00a0 One is use of time.\u00a0 You'll hit a place in your life \u2013 you were just talking about that \u2013 where you see somebody who is 35, and they've accomplished so much, and you think \"What did I do with my time?\"\u00a0 Or maybe it's money regret.\u00a0 You think, \"I could have done so much more with the resources that God gave me.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother kind of regret that I think is the most universal \u2013 it's what I would call \"choice point\" regret.\u00a0 It's those key decision moments in my life.\u00a0 That's where you think, \"If only I had decided the other way,\" \"If only we had moved,\" \"If only I hadn't taken that job,\" \"If only we hadn't left that church,\" if only, if only, if only.\u00a0 Those key choice points in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So, again, if you're looking at biblical strategies for dealing with regret, we're aware of it, we know it's there.\u00a0 One of the things you said is we really have to focus on understanding our identity, who we are in Christ apart from the circumstances of life.\u00a0 How else do we deal with this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well, I think there some things that are very clear in Scripture.\u00a0 First, God welcomes us to embrace the freedom of confession.\u00a0 One thing nice about biblical faith is I don't have to live in the darkness.\u00a0 I can come out of hiding, and I can be exactly who I am before God and be unafraid because Christ has paid the price for everything in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The second thing is \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to stop you there, because I think you're making an important point, and I don't want to run past it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What you're saying is that regret can point us to something greater, and it can be like a compass.\u00a0 You know, when you hold a compass, it points you to where true North really is, and it points you to a place that's significant.\u00a0 And so if you're experiencing regret, it means you have an opportunity to confess your failures and admit where you're disappointed and say, \"God, I'm sorry.\u00a0 I failed here.\u00a0 I confess.\u00a0 I agree with you about what you say about this sin,\" or this failure of mine and its impact.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0One of the things that gets me up in the morning \u2013 this is absolutely true \u2013 is the knowledge that I don't have to play con games with myself \u2013 that I can look at my real story, I can look at my weakness, and I can stand in front of God unafraid.\u00a0 I don't have to play games.\u00a0 That is precious to me.\u00a0 I can be honest and unafraid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And it's interesting, because confession seems almost paradoxical.\u00a0 It's almost like the way to deal with regret is to be honest about it.\u00a0 It seems more like it would be a more effective strategy to gloss it over, cover it up, paint it, somehow \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But, see, that's the stuff of midlife crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 I know what you're saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You've got a fresh paint job on an old, rusty issue, and try to pawn it off.\u00a0 But I think that's what the Apostle John was talking about in the first chapter of 1 John.\u00a0 He says, \"If we say we have no sin,\" what did he say there \u2013 \"we lie, and the truth is not in us.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But then he goes on in verse 9, and he says, \"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.\"\u00a0 So he is pointing us to the fact that God is a God of grace, as you've said, Paul, and a God of forgiveness, that if we confess our sins, if we agree with what God says about our sins and about our regret, God is ready to meet us there, and he's ready to take us from that point forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0What allows me to celebrate the freedom of confession is the promise of forgiveness; that there is \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's the cross, isn't it?\u00a0 It's the cross.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's exactly right.\u00a0 There is nothing that I could ever say to God that would be shocking or surprising to Him.\u00a0 There is nothing that I could ever confess that would be outside of the provision of His grace.\u00a0 And so I not only celebrate the freedom of confession, but I embrace God's forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's a third thing here that I think is very important, is that I rest in God's sovereignty.\u00a0 There is somebody who is writing my story, and it's not me, and that's okay.\u00a0 And one of the pieces of God's sovereignty that's very precious in midlife is His timing.\u00a0 God makes me aware of things as I am able to be aware of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's a precious moment at the end of Christ's life where He's talking with his disciples.\u00a0 He says a very sweet thing, he says, \"There's many more things that I could say to you, but you're not able to bear them.\u00a0 I'll send another helper, and he'll teach you more.\"\u00a0 That's how God works with us.\u00a0 He knows exactly what we're able to bear, He knows exactly when \"this is a teaching moment,\" to give the kind of insight that you now have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I was so glad when I saw this point in your list of how you deal with regret, and I would never have articulated it like you did.\u00a0 I thought you did a beautiful job in your book, but I thought as I look back at how I have passed through midlife, Bob, and as I've \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 moved past the middle \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 moved past the middle \u2013 as I have moved past it, in all seriousness, what's enabled me to process what I have done wrong and done right?\u00a0 Well, is that there is someone who is bigger than me who is in charge.\u00a0 God is sovereign and you know what?\u00a0 I'm not trying to whitewash my mistakes, I'm not trying to sweep them under the rug but you know what?\u00a0 Since the beginning of time, this book, the Bible, is about how God used flawed people to accomplish his purposes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And you know what?\u00a0 I think a single mom can rest in that.\u00a0 She may have some regrets about some things, looking backwards, but you know what?\u00a0 She can go, \"Yeah, I made some mistakes, and I confessed those, and I rest in God's forgiveness,\" but it's also true God is sovereign.\u00a0 We can depend upon Him accomplishing His purposes on this planet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As I read that, I thought of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, where it says \"He sat eternity in our hearts,\" that we do have a longing for that perfection.\u00a0 But it also says that he makes all things beautiful in His time.\u00a0 And later on, the Prophet Isaiah says that God takes ashes and makes them into something beautiful.\u00a0 So while we look back with some regret, there is great peace in knowing that a sovereign God is watching over and ordaining what's going on and working it out for His purposes and making beauty of something that we look back on with some level of regret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's not some theological copout.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0It's very practical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It really is practical, because if your God's not in charge, then guess who ultimately is responsible?\u00a0 Me.\u00a0 And, at that point, what am I going to do with my regrets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now we've got some despair to deal with, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I really do.\u00a0 Continue on with your list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0You want to clarify identity.\u00a0 This is a great moment to have a deeper understanding of who you actually are.\u00a0 Paul says it this way in Galatians 2:20 \u2013 \"It's no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me, and the life I live I live by faith, and the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.\"\u00a0 God's gift of salvation is not just about eternity.\u00a0 Praise God, it's about that, but it's about a whole new gift of identity.\u00a0 And that identity is a change in my potential as a human being, because I'm not by myself.\u00a0 God has literally unzipped me and got inside of me by his spirit, and I'm not just an average Joe bumping around the street hoping I can make it.\u00a0 I have resources of wisdom and power and strength and grace that are beyond the ability of this little brain to wrap itself around.\u00a0 That's not just some mystical thing out there.\u00a0 It is actually now my identity as a child of God.\u00a0 It's who I am.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0And so I can look at my human failure and say, \"But I don't define my identity just by my track record.\u00a0 And I don't define my identity just by the size of what I'm facing.\u00a0 I must define my identity in the midst of those things that are real by who I am in Christ.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I have a friend, Crawford Loritts, who refers to this as your \"spiritual address.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's a great term.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We've got a spiritual address because of the cross, and it's a permanent one.\u00a0 In fact, that really kind of hints at the last two \u2013 the last two ways to handle regret, which I really like.\u00a0 Share those with the listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well, the next is plant a new harvest.\u00a0 You're not dead, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 the game's not over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0No, and this is an opportunity now, with greater wisdom, greater understanding, clearer personal insight than I've ever had before, to set out and live life in new ways in God's way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'm going to use my time in a better way, I\u2019m going to use my money in a better way, I'm going to look for those \"choice point\" moments and make better godly decisions.\u00a0 I'm going to continue to be a parent, even though I have adult children, and be excited about that.\u00a0 I'm involved with the church.\u00a0 They need the wisdom of people who have some street experience.\u00a0 So instead of just mourning old plants, I'm going to plant a new harvest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Barbara and I have a maple tree right outside our bedroom window, and we planted it about a decade ago, and I don't know what it tapped into, there must be an underground water supply, but this tree has just gone berserk, and it is magnificent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Come about October 25th, it turns a brilliant, beautiful yellow and sometimes an orange that's \u2013 it's like it's electric, it's like it's plugged into electricity and, many times, I have walked out underneath that tree, and I've said, \"Why didn't I plant more of those trees?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I wonder if there are people listening right now, looking back over their lives going, \"Why didn't I make more right choices when it came to being obedient to what God expected of my life?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0And I would even change your metaphor a little bit.\u00a0 I think there are people out there who are trying to glue fallen leaves on old trees, and it's not working.\u00a0 And God has welcomed them to plant new seeds and watch new trees grow and blossom and fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's never too late to plant those trees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So you're saying when you deal with regret, don't necessarily go try to repair the past, don't try to fix everything that God messed up, but start a new field?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0There are things that you can repair and in ways when you do that, you are planting new seeds, new seeds of relationship.\u00a0 But there are things that are just \u2013 they're over.\u00a0 I can't go back to that job, I can't relive that experience again, but the Bible is a book of fresh starts.\u00a0 What a sweet thing that is, and it's a chronicle of fresh starts over and over again.\u00a0 That's God's grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And that's what the Gospel is all about.\u00a0 It is the Gospel of second chances.\u00a0 If you failed miserably or even if you've had some measure of God's favor upon your life, the key is walk by faith and keep on planting for the eternal harvest.\u00a0 That's what matters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I wish I could have gotten a copy of your book to Frank Sinatra so you know when he was dealing with his regrets, maybe he could have dealt with them a little more honestly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Some of our listeners, Bob, have no idea who Frank Sinatra \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, they've got to know the Chairman of the Board, you know?\u00a0 We're talking the Chairman \u2013 cue up the song here, Keith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Frank Sinatra sings \"My Way\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, that's what I'm talking about, you know?\u00a0 \"Regrets, I've had a few but then again too few to mention.\"\u00a0 I think if he'd read the book maybe he'd have gone, \"Okay, I get it.\"\u00a0 The book we're talking about, of course, is the one that Paul David Tripp has written, which is called \"Lost in the Middle,\" which we have in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and no matter where you are in life, approaching the middle years, in them, or even if they have passed you, and you're looking back on them, I think this is a book that helps us understand how to deal with some of the issues that are more likely to emerge in those middle years than in other times of our lives but, frankly, there are times in life, even in the younger years, when some of these issues start to show up, when there are issues of regret and the other things we've talked about this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You will find, in the middle of the home page, a red button that says \"Go,\" and if you click that button it will take you to a site where there is information about Paul David Tripp's book, \"Lost in the Middle.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOther resources that are available on the same subject \u2013 John Piper's wonderful book, \"Don't Waste Your Life,\" is available in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and that's a book to help re-orient your thinking about any stage of life in which you find yourself.\u00a0 We have it in our FamilyLife Resource Center as well and, in fact, any of our listeners who would like to get both books, we will send along at no additional cost the CD audio of our conversation with Paul David Tripp this week so you can listen to it again or pass it along to someone else who might benefit from listening to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 There's a red button that says \"Go.\"\u00a0 If you click on that button, you can order these resources from us online at FamilyLife.com or you can call 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we'll make arrangements to get these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, I think one of the regrets that a lot of people wind up having at different places in their life is the regret that there was not a mentor available who could help them navigate some of the challenges that life throws at us, and I was thinking about that when I thought about a message that your wife Barbara gave not long ago to a group of women on what a wife can do to help her husband be the man God wants him to be.\u00a0 And I heard afterward from a number of these women just how helpful that message was.\u00a0 It was a mentoring message, and we have the message on CD, and this month we are making it available to any of our listeners who can help the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 We are listener-supported, so those donations are vital for our ongoing ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you can go to our website at FamilyLife.com and make a donation there, when you fill out the donation form, and you come to the keycode box, just type in the two letters, \"CD,\" and we'll know to send this CD from Barbara Rainey to you.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY and, again, ask for the CD from Barbara Rainey, and we'll make sure to send it to you.\u00a0 It's our way of saying thanks for your ongoing support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We appreciate hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we're going to talk about what happens when dreams die in the middle years.\u00a0 How do you deal with the fact that life isn't going to be what you dreamed it might be?\u00a0 We'll talk about that tomorrow with Paul David Tripp.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["11.35M"],"filesize_raw":["11902896"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-301212.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-301212.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__video-wrap 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Paul David Tripp talks about the emotional challenges of midlife and shares some sound advice for dealing with regret.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-10-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0If I'm getting my identity and my ability to pull it off perfectly, I'm going to hit midlife, and I'm going to be in trouble.\u00a0 My security as a human being, my meaning and purpose, is not rooted in what I have done but what God has done for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, that doesn't mean that wrong things are not wrong, but it means I don't experience that loss of identity as I face my wrong, because my personal security is in the work of another on my behalf.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, October 11th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Do you find yourself in the middle of life struggling with the fact that life seems to be speeding up while you're slowing down?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Could I tell you the beef that I've got with our guest on today's broadcast?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Have you got a problem?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I have a problem.\u00a0 Dr. Paul David Tripp joins us again on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 He is the author of \"Lost in the Middle.\"\u00a0 Paul, I know you're really curious as to what beef I have against you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You should be.\u00a0 You wrote a book called \"Lost in the Middle,\" all right, and you define the middle as 35 to 55.\u00a0 Now, I'm 58.\u00a0 So \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0He's out of the middle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Where does that put the host of this broadcast?\u00a0 Is that called \"near the end?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0I'm writing a book for you with very big letters and short chapters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I was reading that, and I was going, \"Oh, my goodness.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You're going, \"I'm not in the middle anymore.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'm not in the middle anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And as you wrote that, is it possible for somebody at 31 to be dealing with midlife issues? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Absolutely, in fact, there was an article just in The Philadelphia Inquirer about men from 25 to 30 who have all of the ingredients of midlife struggles.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0What's up with that?\u00a0 What's going on?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0The issues, as much as they tend to hit in this age, are universal human issues.\u00a0 So I could hit disappointment anytime in my life, or regret, or the death of a dream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Why am I here?\u00a0 What's my purpose?\u00a0 We can wrestle with that at any point in our existence, can't we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 In fact, you can argue that a person who has taken God's call and biblical morality seriously will be a person who will have greater regret than a person who didn't.\u00a0 That regret is actually a good thing.\u00a0 It's the result of holding onto God's goals and not being willing to settle for a human second-best.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know what was playing in the back of my mind when you started talking about regrets \u2013 I was thinking about Frank Sinatra; thinking about that anthem to narcissism that he sang \u2013 \"My Way,\" because the second verse there starts \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Frank Sinatra sings \"My Way\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I thought, now why would Frank sing that?\u00a0 Why would Paul Anka write that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"I didn't have many standards.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's exactly what it is \u2013 too few regrets to mention because you really weren't hanging onto many lofty ideals, I guess, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well, that's exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You and your wife were hit with this issue of regrets when your last child left home.\u00a0 I mean, you wrote about this in your book.\u00a0 How did it hit you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0We began to reminisce, you know, sort of walk through the video of your own life, and we really began to face that fact that we were not the parents in every situation that we wanted to be.\u00a0 And I remember this one situation where I had pirated away money for months \u2013 I was a poor pastor \u2013 to take my children to Hershey Park, and we had packed a cooler full of soda, and I have four children, so I had gotten four cans of each kind of soda except for one magic soda that I couldn't resist, and there were only two cans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We got to the park.\u00a0 One of our children said, \"Dad, can we have something to drink before we go in the park,\" and I said, \"Sure,\" it didn't seem like a dangerous request.\u00a0 And they centered in on that \u2013 what was then \u2013 one can of that soda left because my older son was always the type of kid that if there's a crack in our parenting, he could drive an 18-wheeler through it, and he had had some of the soda.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, I mean, it was, like, all of a sudden, there was global war broke out.\u00a0 I mean, our kids were pulling on one another's stuff and ice down one another's backs, hitting one another over the head with cans of soda.\u00a0 It was just craziness.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My day of familial amusement park bliss was over at that point, and so I jump in and said, \"Do you want to fight?\u00a0 We don't have to pay all this money for you to fight.\u00a0 I can take you home, I'll put a cooler in the middle of the backyard, I'll put one can of soda in the middle, and you can fight forever.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You're kind of red in the face right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Reliving it.\u00a0 You kind of said that with some authority.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0I did, I did.\u00a0 I was out of control.\u00a0 Well, that's a hard moment to relive.\u00a0 That moment assaults everything I want to be as a father.\u00a0 It actually does something even more profound than that \u2013 it assaults what I thought I was as a father.\u00a0 Because we tend to look back, and we tend to have selective memories, and there are moments when your memory isn't so selective, when you see yourself as you actually are.\u00a0 It's hard to swallow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When you think about regret, my mind always goes to the Apostle Paul, who you find at one point in one of his writings, he seems to be headed there.\u00a0 He starts looking back with some level of regret over the man he was before he knew Christ, and he says, \"You know, frankly, it's waste.\u00a0 It's\" \u2013 he uses a graphic term.\u00a0 He says, \"It's dung when I look at my life,\" and yet it seems his strategy was forgetting what lies behind and pressing on.\u00a0 Is that what we're supposed to do with regret?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0It is not just about the fact that I affirm that I was a flawed father.\u00a0 I mean, you can say, \"Well, duh.\"\u00a0 It is that, in the face of what my belief that I wasn't is doing for me.\u00a0 If I'm getting my identity and my own righteousness in my ability to pull it off perfectly, I'm going to hit midlife, and I'm going to be in trouble because if I don't recognize it, my kids will recognize it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another example I've had \u2013 many parents go through this \u2013 is when the kids begin to tell the silly stories, the things you did as a parent.\u00a0 And they get bittersweet for you, because they're actually joking about things that are areas of weakness, and it's hard to hear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, if your identity has been in your own righteousness, then you're devastated when you begin to face the fact that I was not the person that I was.\u00a0 Now, what Paul actually does is counters regret, that kind of regret, with his identity in Christ and saying, \"My security as a human being, my meaning and purpose, is not rooted in what I have done, but what God has done for me.\"\u00a0 Now, that doesn't mean that wrong things are not wrong, but it means I don't experience that loss of identity as I face my wrong, because my personal security is in the work of another on my behalf.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Not all of our regret is wrapped up in parenting, although for those of us who are parents, we sure can look there, and it's kind of like a visible reminder of your regret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But I've had the experience of \u2013 I'll be watching television and here's some guy on TV, and he's influential, and he's making pretty good money, and he's talented, and then I find out he's 32, and I go, \"Young kid, young stupid punk kid,\" you know, who has got all of that going for him.\u00a0 It used to be, you'd look at people you admire, and they were all older than you.\u00a0 Now you're looking at people you admire, and they're younger than you, and you think, \"That shouldn't be.\"\u00a0 I'm admiring younger people?\u00a0 That doesn't make \u2013 you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Let me talk about some other places where regret can root.\u00a0 One is use of time.\u00a0 You'll hit a place in your life \u2013 you were just talking about that \u2013 where you see somebody who is 35, and they've accomplished so much, and you think \"What did I do with my time?\"\u00a0 Or maybe it's money regret.\u00a0 You think, \"I could have done so much more with the resources that God gave me.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother kind of regret that I think is the most universal \u2013 it's what I would call \"choice point\" regret.\u00a0 It's those key decision moments in my life.\u00a0 That's where you think, \"If only I had decided the other way,\" \"If only we had moved,\" \"If only I hadn't taken that job,\" \"If only we hadn't left that church,\" if only, if only, if only.\u00a0 Those key choice points in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So, again, if you're looking at biblical strategies for dealing with regret, we're aware of it, we know it's there.\u00a0 One of the things you said is we really have to focus on understanding our identity, who we are in Christ apart from the circumstances of life.\u00a0 How else do we deal with this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well, I think there some things that are very clear in Scripture.\u00a0 First, God welcomes us to embrace the freedom of confession.\u00a0 One thing nice about biblical faith is I don't have to live in the darkness.\u00a0 I can come out of hiding, and I can be exactly who I am before God and be unafraid because Christ has paid the price for everything in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The second thing is \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to stop you there, because I think you're making an important point, and I don't want to run past it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What you're saying is that regret can point us to something greater, and it can be like a compass.\u00a0 You know, when you hold a compass, it points you to where true North really is, and it points you to a place that's significant.\u00a0 And so if you're experiencing regret, it means you have an opportunity to confess your failures and admit where you're disappointed and say, \"God, I'm sorry.\u00a0 I failed here.\u00a0 I confess.\u00a0 I agree with you about what you say about this sin,\" or this failure of mine and its impact.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0One of the things that gets me up in the morning \u2013 this is absolutely true \u2013 is the knowledge that I don't have to play con games with myself \u2013 that I can look at my real story, I can look at my weakness, and I can stand in front of God unafraid.\u00a0 I don't have to play games.\u00a0 That is precious to me.\u00a0 I can be honest and unafraid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And it's interesting, because confession seems almost paradoxical.\u00a0 It's almost like the way to deal with regret is to be honest about it.\u00a0 It seems more like it would be a more effective strategy to gloss it over, cover it up, paint it, somehow \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But, see, that's the stuff of midlife crisis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 I know what you're saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You've got a fresh paint job on an old, rusty issue, and try to pawn it off.\u00a0 But I think that's what the Apostle John was talking about in the first chapter of 1 John.\u00a0 He says, \"If we say we have no sin,\" what did he say there \u2013 \"we lie, and the truth is not in us.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But then he goes on in verse 9, and he says, \"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.\"\u00a0 So he is pointing us to the fact that God is a God of grace, as you've said, Paul, and a God of forgiveness, that if we confess our sins, if we agree with what God says about our sins and about our regret, God is ready to meet us there, and he's ready to take us from that point forward.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0What allows me to celebrate the freedom of confession is the promise of forgiveness; that there is \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's the cross, isn't it?\u00a0 It's the cross.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's exactly right.\u00a0 There is nothing that I could ever say to God that would be shocking or surprising to Him.\u00a0 There is nothing that I could ever confess that would be outside of the provision of His grace.\u00a0 And so I not only celebrate the freedom of confession, but I embrace God's forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's a third thing here that I think is very important, is that I rest in God's sovereignty.\u00a0 There is somebody who is writing my story, and it's not me, and that's okay.\u00a0 And one of the pieces of God's sovereignty that's very precious in midlife is His timing.\u00a0 God makes me aware of things as I am able to be aware of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's a precious moment at the end of Christ's life where He's talking with his disciples.\u00a0 He says a very sweet thing, he says, \"There's many more things that I could say to you, but you're not able to bear them.\u00a0 I'll send another helper, and he'll teach you more.\"\u00a0 That's how God works with us.\u00a0 He knows exactly what we're able to bear, He knows exactly when \"this is a teaching moment,\" to give the kind of insight that you now have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I was so glad when I saw this point in your list of how you deal with regret, and I would never have articulated it like you did.\u00a0 I thought you did a beautiful job in your book, but I thought as I look back at how I have passed through midlife, Bob, and as I've \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 moved past the middle \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 moved past the middle \u2013 as I have moved past it, in all seriousness, what's enabled me to process what I have done wrong and done right?\u00a0 Well, is that there is someone who is bigger than me who is in charge.\u00a0 God is sovereign and you know what?\u00a0 I'm not trying to whitewash my mistakes, I'm not trying to sweep them under the rug but you know what?\u00a0 Since the beginning of time, this book, the Bible, is about how God used flawed people to accomplish his purposes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And you know what?\u00a0 I think a single mom can rest in that.\u00a0 She may have some regrets about some things, looking backwards, but you know what?\u00a0 She can go, \"Yeah, I made some mistakes, and I confessed those, and I rest in God's forgiveness,\" but it's also true God is sovereign.\u00a0 We can depend upon Him accomplishing His purposes on this planet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As I read that, I thought of Ecclesiastes, chapter 3, where it says \"He sat eternity in our hearts,\" that we do have a longing for that perfection.\u00a0 But it also says that he makes all things beautiful in His time.\u00a0 And later on, the Prophet Isaiah says that God takes ashes and makes them into something beautiful.\u00a0 So while we look back with some regret, there is great peace in knowing that a sovereign God is watching over and ordaining what's going on and working it out for His purposes and making beauty of something that we look back on with some level of regret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's not some theological copout.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0It's very practical.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It really is practical, because if your God's not in charge, then guess who ultimately is responsible?\u00a0 Me.\u00a0 And, at that point, what am I going to do with my regrets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now we've got some despair to deal with, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I really do.\u00a0 Continue on with your list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0You want to clarify identity.\u00a0 This is a great moment to have a deeper understanding of who you actually are.\u00a0 Paul says it this way in Galatians 2:20 \u2013 \"It's no longer I who lives but Christ lives in me, and the life I live I live by faith, and the Son of God who loved me and gave Himself for me.\"\u00a0 God's gift of salvation is not just about eternity.\u00a0 Praise God, it's about that, but it's about a whole new gift of identity.\u00a0 And that identity is a change in my potential as a human being, because I'm not by myself.\u00a0 God has literally unzipped me and got inside of me by his spirit, and I'm not just an average Joe bumping around the street hoping I can make it.\u00a0 I have resources of wisdom and power and strength and grace that are beyond the ability of this little brain to wrap itself around.\u00a0 That's not just some mystical thing out there.\u00a0 It is actually now my identity as a child of God.\u00a0 It's who I am.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0And so I can look at my human failure and say, \"But I don't define my identity just by my track record.\u00a0 And I don't define my identity just by the size of what I'm facing.\u00a0 I must define my identity in the midst of those things that are real by who I am in Christ.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I have a friend, Crawford Loritts, who refers to this as your \"spiritual address.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0That's a great term.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We've got a spiritual address because of the cross, and it's a permanent one.\u00a0 In fact, that really kind of hints at the last two \u2013 the last two ways to handle regret, which I really like.\u00a0 Share those with the listeners.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0Well, the next is plant a new harvest.\u00a0 You're not dead, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 the game's not over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0No, and this is an opportunity now, with greater wisdom, greater understanding, clearer personal insight than I've ever had before, to set out and live life in new ways in God's way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'm going to use my time in a better way, I\u2019m going to use my money in a better way, I'm going to look for those \"choice point\" moments and make better godly decisions.\u00a0 I'm going to continue to be a parent, even though I have adult children, and be excited about that.\u00a0 I'm involved with the church.\u00a0 They need the wisdom of people who have some street experience.\u00a0 So instead of just mourning old plants, I'm going to plant a new harvest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Barbara and I have a maple tree right outside our bedroom window, and we planted it about a decade ago, and I don't know what it tapped into, there must be an underground water supply, but this tree has just gone berserk, and it is magnificent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Come about October 25th, it turns a brilliant, beautiful yellow and sometimes an orange that's \u2013 it's like it's electric, it's like it's plugged into electricity and, many times, I have walked out underneath that tree, and I've said, \"Why didn't I plant more of those trees?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I wonder if there are people listening right now, looking back over their lives going, \"Why didn't I make more right choices when it came to being obedient to what God expected of my life?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0And I would even change your metaphor a little bit.\u00a0 I think there are people out there who are trying to glue fallen leaves on old trees, and it's not working.\u00a0 And God has welcomed them to plant new seeds and watch new trees grow and blossom and fruit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's never too late to plant those trees.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So you're saying when you deal with regret, don't necessarily go try to repair the past, don't try to fix everything that God messed up, but start a new field?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul:\u00a0There are things that you can repair and in ways when you do that, you are planting new seeds, new seeds of relationship.\u00a0 But there are things that are just \u2013 they're over.\u00a0 I can't go back to that job, I can't relive that experience again, but the Bible is a book of fresh starts.\u00a0 What a sweet thing that is, and it's a chronicle of fresh starts over and over again.\u00a0 That's God's grace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And that's what the Gospel is all about.\u00a0 It is the Gospel of second chances.\u00a0 If you failed miserably or even if you've had some measure of God's favor upon your life, the key is walk by faith and keep on planting for the eternal harvest.\u00a0 That's what matters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I wish I could have gotten a copy of your book to Frank Sinatra so you know when he was dealing with his regrets, maybe he could have dealt with them a little more honestly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Some of our listeners, Bob, have no idea who Frank Sinatra \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, they've got to know the Chairman of the Board, you know?\u00a0 We're talking the Chairman \u2013 cue up the song here, Keith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Frank Sinatra sings \"My Way\"]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, that's what I'm talking about, you know?\u00a0 \"Regrets, I've had a few but then again too few to mention.\"\u00a0 I think if he'd read the book maybe he'd have gone, \"Okay, I get it.\"\u00a0 The book we're talking about, of course, is the one that Paul David Tripp has written, which is called \"Lost in the Middle,\" which we have in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and no matter where you are in life, approaching the middle years, in them, or even if they have passed you, and you're looking back on them, I think this is a book that helps us understand how to deal with some of the issues that are more likely to emerge in those middle years than in other times of our lives but, frankly, there are times in life, even in the younger years, when some of these issues start to show up, when there are issues of regret and the other things we've talked about this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You will find, in the middle of the home page, a red button that says \"Go,\" and if you click that button it will take you to a site where there is information about Paul David Tripp's book, \"Lost in the Middle.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOther resources that are available on the same subject \u2013 John Piper's wonderful book, \"Don't Waste Your Life,\" is available in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and that's a book to help re-orient your thinking about any stage of life in which you find yourself.\u00a0 We have it in our FamilyLife Resource Center as well and, in fact, any of our listeners who would like to get both books, we will send along at no additional cost the CD audio of our conversation with Paul David Tripp this week so you can listen to it again or pass it along to someone else who might benefit from listening to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 There's a red button that says \"Go.\"\u00a0 If you click on that button, you can order these resources from us online at FamilyLife.com or you can call 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we'll make arrangements to get these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, I think one of the regrets that a lot of people wind up having at different places in their life is the regret that there was not a mentor available who could help them navigate some of the challenges that life throws at us, and I was thinking about that when I thought about a message that your wife Barbara gave not long ago to a group of women on what a wife can do to help her husband be the man God wants him to be.\u00a0 And I heard afterward from a number of these women just how helpful that message was.\u00a0 It was a mentoring message, and we have the message on CD, and this month we are making it available to any of our listeners who can help the ministry of FamilyLife Today with a donation of any amount.\u00a0 We are listener-supported, so those donations are vital for our ongoing ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you can go to our website at FamilyLife.com and make a donation there, when you fill out the donation form, and you come to the keycode box, just type in the two letters, \"CD,\" and we'll know to send this CD from Barbara Rainey to you.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-358-6329, that's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY and, again, ask for the CD from Barbara Rainey, and we'll make sure to send it to you.\u00a0 It's our way of saying thanks for your ongoing support of the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We appreciate hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we're going to talk about what happens when dreams die in the middle years.\u00a0 How do you deal with the fact that life isn't going to be what you dreamed it might be?\u00a0 We'll talk about that tomorrow with Paul David Tripp.\u00a0 I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301212","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301212"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301212"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301212"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301212"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301212"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301212"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301212"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}