{"id":301144,"date":"2006-07-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-07-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/heroes-at-home-part-2\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:23","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:23","slug":"heroes-at-home-part-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/heroes-at-home-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Heroes at Home, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ellie Kay tells what it\u2019s like to keep a family running while your husband is away on active duty.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-07-04.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.35M","filesize_raw":"11899360","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2895],"tags":[4840,4022],"podcast_series":[7460],"cwp_profile":[9015],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301144","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-military-marriage","tag-heros","tag-wives","podcast_series-heroes-at-home","cwp_profile-ellie-kay","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301144\/heroes-at-home-part-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301144\/heroes-at-home-part-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"rya64SSsV7\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/heroes-at-home-part-2\/\">Heroes at Home, Part 2<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/heroes-at-home-part-2\/embed\/#?secret=rya64SSsV7\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Heroes at Home, Part 2&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"rya64SSsV7\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Ellie Kay tells what it\u2019s like to keep a family running while your husband is away on active duty.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-07-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When you're in the military, sometimes it's important to learn secret codes so you can understand not just what the enemy is saying but what your allies are saying as well.\u00a0 Here is Ellie Kay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0If he's been on the \u2013 you know, focused, flying and sighting and giving orders, he can come home and kind of still be giving orders.\u00a0 So we have a code, and it's called \"K&amp;G\" \u2013 it means \"kinder and gentler.\"\u00a0 And when I give him that code \u2013 and we have agreed on it ahead of time \u2013 he immediately throttles back, so to speak, and he realizes that he's doing it, because sometimes he's not even aware of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Independence Day, Tuesday, July 4th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We're going to help military families crack the code today on how to make a marriage work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 You know, we lived for a while in San Antonio, Texas, and San Antonio is a big town for military \u2013 Lackland Air Force Base is in San Antonio, and if you're enlisted in the Air Force, you will spend time at Lackland Air Force Base.\u00a0 It's just a given.\u00a0 You'll do your basic training there.\u00a0 Fort Sam Houston is there, there's a lot of military families in our church down there, and I think it was probably San Antonio where I first got an appreciation for a little bit of what military life is like.\u00a0 And I reflected back on this, Dennis.\u00a0 You know, the verse in \u2013 what is it, is it 1 Timothy or 2 Timothy where Timothy says soldiers are different; they kind of turn their back on worldly stuff and are focused on an assignment.\u00a0 They follow their orders, and they don't get entangled, the Bible says, with civilian matters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And I saw that in the life of these military families.\u00a0 I saw that it was a different kind of life than Mary Ann and I were living.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And yet they do have homes and families that have a lot of civilian matters that have to \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 have to be dealt with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Have to be dealt with, and we've got some help and hope and encouragement for military families here as we continue to fight this war on terrorism, and in the studio today with us is Ellie Kay, no stranger to our audience, and she's been on FamilyLife Today before.\u00a0 Ellie Kay, welcome back.\u00a0 We're glad you would come back and join us an honor some of the heroes at home in the military families across the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, thank you so much.\u00a0 It is my privilege to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Ellie Kay is a national radio commentator for \"Money Matters,\" a regular guest on \"Power Lunch,\" CNBC's number-one rate show.\u00a0 She is a speaker, she and her husband, Bob, have been in the Air Force for 26 years, is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, actually, he's been in for 23 years.\u00a0 He was in before I married him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 They have five children, and she has written a book called \"Heroes at Home,\" and one of the stories that you tell in your book that I really enjoyed as a photographer who had been badly burned in Vietnam.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Oh, yes, well, this was Brian Schule [sp], and he had come to our base to do a special photography shoot on the AT38, which was the jet that my husband was flying, and my husband invited him over for dinner.\u00a0 And it's not very often that you have a living legend, a real hero, to come to your home.\u00a0 But, as I said, you know, he had been badly burned, and he had multiple plastic surgeries, but his face was still \u2013 it was still quite evident.\u00a0 And so we tried to prepare our three little preschoolers for the fact that a hero was going to come visit us, but he had a big owie on his face, and that's what happened when he was in his airplane, and that we don't need to stare and make him uncomfortable, but we just needed to welcome him to our home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So he walks in the front door, and our little three-year-old girl walks up to him \u2013 Bethany \u2013 and she says, \"I know why your face looks like that.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Oh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Because you got hurt in an airplane.\u00a0 And then our five-year-old son immediately shouted to us in the back of the house as we realized someone was there and were walking up, he shouts, \"Papa, Bethany's talking about the hero's face.\u00a0 You told us not to.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And what did your guest do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0You know what?\u00a0 He really was gracious.\u00a0 I mean, I think this is a mark of a real hero because he showed us grace and mercy, and he says, \"Hey, I am hungry.\u00a0 What's for dinner?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, as you provide help and hope through your book, \"Heroes at Home,\" one of the things you talk about there that every military family has to face is the time when there's a TDY \u2013 the husband or the wife is called away either on behalf of a training mission or to actually go to battle.\u00a0 You call a rule, the \"TDY rule\" that always occurs no matter when your spouse leaves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, you know, this is universal.\u00a0 It's throughout all branches of military service.\u00a0 It's inevitable that as soon as they deploy, the kids are going to get the stomach virus and it will go through all of your children, and then the washer will break down and you know what?\u00a0 I have to admit this \u2013 there was one year that I ended up replacing two garage doors in the same year because I backed into both of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And your husband was gone, and you just had to take care of that kind of stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Of course, it was when he was TDY, so I kind of blame him for it.\u00a0 It really wasn't my fault.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But you said under your breath, you'd backed into them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, but that wasn't my fault really.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, he told one of the kids to kind of pull it down a little bit, and I didn't see it because the Suburban is really big, and it kind of just tore off the hinges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But as a military mom \u2013 tore off the hinges?\u00a0 As a military wife and mom, you've got to be ready to be mom and dad and fixer and kind of do it all, don't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, you really do, and you know what?\u00a0 That's one of the reasons I wrote this book is because it gives some practical tips on how we can do those things, how we can prepare for those TDYs ahead of time as much as we can.\u00a0 And also how the community can come alongside these families.\u00a0 That's where our real help is, and it's a joy to be able to have friends that care enough to reach out when Dad or Mom are TDY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And one of the things you've had happen because you have five children is you've give birth when he's been gone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, you know, we were worried about that, that we were going to end up giving birth when he was gone, and he did miss the birth of the last child, but that's because he was parking the car, and the baby came in a minute and a half.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Nothing so glorious as a mission somewhere \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0He only wishes that it were, but he was parking the car, and 10-and-a-half pound baby Joshua came all of a sudden.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, wow.\u00a0 You know, Ellie, there are days when I'll come home from work, and work has been challenging or stressful or there's just been a lot to do, and my reentry into the home is not as smooth as it could be, and there have been times when the kids will talk to me, and Mary Ann will say, \"Don't talk to Dad, he's not home yet.\"\u00a0 \"But I see him right\" \u2013 \"No, he's not here with us yet,\" when I'm still kind of focused on what's going on back at the office.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I would think for me in the military that sense of focus, that sense of career and distraction is intensified so that sometimes it's hard to engage at home maybe for days or weeks at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, and that's true, Bob, and then you add the double whammy, and that is that they could be gone again in a moment's notice.\u00a0 So if they're home, they may be home for two days or two months, and then they're going to go off again.\u00a0 So that's one of the challenges that we have, and I do address that issue.\u00a0 There are some practical ways that you can help them make that adjustment \u2013 something as simple as realizing that that exists.\u00a0 So many young spouses, in particular, don't know what their spouses are going through, and they have a lot of problems as a result.\u00a0 So part of it's just awareness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And part of it is you, as a wife, when he leaves, you have to take over.\u00a0 You have to become totally self sufficient to run the household, and then when he comes back, instantly, you have to let him reengage and take over the family, and those aren't easy transitions.\u00a0 Barbara went through that \u2013 we're not in the military, but I'd go off on a trip, come back home.\u00a0 What advice do you have for the wife whose husband is traveling but specific apply for the military family, if you would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, the main thing is to just give them a lot of space when they come back, and also it's a two-way street.\u00a0 You know, the spouse that's re-entering also needs to be aware of the fact that the spouse they left behind is not really the same person they left behind because now they're in charge, especially if it's been for three, six, 12 months at a time, and that's what our military faces.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0They're in charge, they're in control, and a wise spouse that is coming back will give their spouse a lot of time to transition and turn over those areas of leadership back to them.\u00a0 So it goes both ways, but part of it is just making it a slow transition and being aware.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Did you and Bob ever have a real tiff?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0We're a perfect family, and that's how you're interviewing me today, right?\u00a0 You know what we've developed that's really cool, and that is just like a code word, and sometimes if he's been flying and sighting and giving orders and giving orders, he can come home and kind of still be giving orders.\u00a0 So we have a code, and it's called \"K&amp;G\" \u2013 it means \"kinder and gentler.\"\u00a0 And when I give him that code \u2013 and we have agreed on it ahead of time, then he immediately throttles back, so to speak, and he realizes that he's doing it, because sometimes he's not even aware of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There have to be some nuances worked out in a military marriage and in a military family \u2013 some of these code words and just a recognition that we've got some different dynamics that work in our relationship than we might otherwise have.\u00a0 If you were sitting down today with a young mom who is maybe in her first or second year as a military wife, and she's going through it, the adjustments are hard, and life is not working out the way she thought it was going to work out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You've talked about your husband being an old warrior which, I guess, makes you an old warrior's wife, doesn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, I guess it does, but he is considerably older than I am, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0He married her when she was 12.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I understand.\u00a0 How would you coach this young wife?\u00a0 What's the best advice you got when you were a young Air Force bride?\u00a0 What would you say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, you know what?\u00a0 It may be, in some ways, similar advice that you might give to any young bride with children especially, and that is plug into the resources that are all around you.\u00a0 If you can get into a Homebuilders Bible study that's in your community or neighborhood, plug into that, that's going to be a great resource.\u00a0 Mothers of Preschoolers, MOPS, was really my salvation.\u00a0 When you have five babies in seven years, there are a lot of preschoolers in there.\u00a0 A lot of military bases have MOPS programs.\u00a0 If they don't have one, then start one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then Protestant women at the chapel, Catholic women at the chapel are chapel programs on each and every base, and they have great evangelical Christian type of Bible studies, and childcare is available right there.\u00a0 These are all resources, and they're vital \u2013 they're spiritual resources, yes, but they're also opportunities to get what other people in your same situation and be pointed in directions that are really going to help you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You said you've got to step out and move into the community and be aggressive about tapping into the community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0That is exactly right.\u00a0 If you stay home, and you just cower in fear, then it's going to be a tough thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The Christian community has some responsibility here \u2013 back to the military marriage and family \u2013 coach us as to how we can relate to a military married couple, military family \u2013 what are some practical things we can do when they're together and when one of the spouses is off on a mission.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, you know, there are some really practical things that you can do to help.\u00a0 One of the things that you can do while they're together is to encourage them to work on their relationship and to encourage them in their marriage and to also \u2013 there are some very practical things that I've listed here that they need to take care of ahead of time, and that is stuff like guardianship and how to take care of the finances if the spouse isn't used to doing it.\u00a0 You know, there are some practical things they need to take care of when they're together, but then when they're gone, I've found that people would come to me when Bob \u2013 you know, during the Gulf War, let's say, and babies were really little.\u00a0 We didn't have all of our children at that point, and then you say, \"Hey, if there's anything I can do, let me know.\"\u00a0 Well, guess how many times I called those people.\u00a0 Zero.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0I didn't call them at all.\u00a0 It's more practical to say, \"Hey, your husband's gone, it's got to be hard.\u00a0 Can we take your kids on Saturday so you can go grocery shopping?\"\u00a0 \"Will you come over to our house on Monday night for dinner?\"\u00a0 \"Can I bring you a casserole on Thursday or Wednesday, which one is better for you?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"Can I change the oil in your car while you're taking a nap one afternoon?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0That's right, and \"Can my sons come over and cut your lawn?\"\u00a0 I mean, it's limitless the things that you can do.\u00a0 I mean, you could even say, \"Hey, can we come put your garage door back on your garage?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Two times in one year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, they stock them now \u2013 Custom Overhead Door stocks our garage door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do they put your name on it?\u00a0 They've got them in the warehouse \"This is for the Kay house sometime in the next months they'll undoubtedly need it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, we talk about the challenges of being the one in charge of all of it, and that's where you do need to tap into the community.\u00a0 There is also the challenge that while your husband is away, you don't know what harm he's in.\u00a0 You don't know what he's going through.\u00a0 You've got to be praying for him in kind of a \"God, protect him,\" kind of those general prayers because you don't know the specifics often, do you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0That's right, we don't know that.\u00a0 And, as a matter of fact, just a few months ago, I got a call from Bob, and he was night flying in the Stealth, and he just said, \"Hi, Beloved, I had a good flight, goodbye,\" and he hung up, and that was a code.\u00a0 That's the code we've worked out because the squadron shuts down, and he can't make a call to me to tell me that he's okay, so he tries to make a quick call before the squadron shuts down.\u00a0 That was a code for that a jet had gone down, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 he's okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0He was okay.\u00a0 That's his call to me saying \"It wasn't me.\"\u00a0 And so I was immediately on the alert because \u2013 and it was him, so he was okay, but that didn't make me that much more relaxed because then I thought, \"Well, was it Myra?\"\u00a0 She's got three preschoolers.\u00a0 Was it Lynn Hoover?\u00a0 She has two preschoolers, expecting her third.\u00a0 Was it Suzanne Buck?\u00a0 They're our neighbors.\u00a0 I will be there for notification.\u00a0 I'm on her paperwork, and I went through the list and just praying for all those other families because even if it's not us, it could be someone that we love and dear that are in the squadron.\u00a0 That is something that military families have to deal with on a regular basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You have, on a couple of occasions here, you have said that when you and Bob have these conversations, you call each other \"Beloved?\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Yes, instead of \"Honey\" or \"Sugar,\" it's \"Beloved.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Where did that come from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0It came from the Song of Solomon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But did you decide one day, \"I'm going to start calling you 'Beloved?'\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Yes, we decided early in our marriage that why be normal?\u00a0 We're not very normal.\u00a0 So we thought a unique name would be that, but, you know, when I'm mad at him, then I call him \"Beee-luuuv-iddd.\"\u00a0 He prefers that I call him \"Bob.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You have seen lots of young husbands and wives who, because of the unique pressures of the military marriage and family, have found themselves turning to a God they didn't know and coming into a relationship with him through Christ, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0That is right and, you know, I just believe that there is a real hunger out there, and in this book we have pointed people towards the source of our hope, and we've done it in a way that the military can accept, because if we have something out there, and it's going to be distributed by official military areas in some ways, it can't be something that's proselytizing and yet it's such a perfect fit because it fits right into a chapel program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The DOD, they embrace Christianity \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's the Department of Defense, is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Just making sure I know the acronym.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Right, it's one of the acronyms, yes.\u00a0 But every base around the world has a chapel.\u00a0 They have a chaplain that's assigned to them and, yes, they are all different religions.\u00a0 You have Mormons, and you have all kinds of faiths, Buddhists, everything, and yet there are Christian chaplains out there, and they're distributing materials like yours, and that's where people can come to know Christ.\u00a0 And young couples are open to that, they're looking for it.\u00a0 If we will be so bold as to take them the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0A military base represents a mission field.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There are a lot of needs, a lot of loneliness, and a lot of ways that we in the Christian community can reach out and personally impact these lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We talked yesterday not only about your book, \"Heroes at Home,\" and how that can be passed out at chapels and be used on a military base as a gift for a military family, but also how FamilyLife in cooperation with the military ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ has produced a Bible study called \"Defending the Military Marriage,\" and I just have to say I am so excited we produced this Bible study.\u00a0 It's not a long Bible study.\u00a0 It's just about six weeks along, but it can be used to do two things.\u00a0 Number one, to call military marriages and families to have a spiritual mindset and to grow in their relationship with Christ and, number two, to have a network of relationships of accountability partners outside of their marriage so that when one spouse is gone there are others to come alongside that spouse who is left at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I'll tell you, Ellie, I think your ministry here and what you are attempting to do is so needed among military marriages and families because there are a great number of divorces.\u00a0 The military family is under attack today as never before, and I think we forget that \u2013 that the military marriages don't have an easy time.\u00a0 They really are challenged in their commitment at, really, another level than even the average civilian in the normal culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0That's so true, because we face so many different factors.\u00a0 I mean, we are away from our spouses.\u00a0 In some ways, we start to compartmentalize because we even imagine life without them, and we have to be self-sufficient and yet we want to be bonded with them in our hearts.\u00a0 So it is a unique challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Did your husband have anything to say about the fact that it looks like that's a Marine on the front cover of your book, is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, you know what?\u00a0 This is a book for all branches of the military.\u00a0 I mean, we have got profiles, personality profiles from all different branches.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I know, but he's in the Air Force, and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 there's a Marine on the cover.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Is this a point of contention?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, I mean, they \u2013 you know what?\u00a0 I can't believe it, but my publisher did not consult my husband on the cover, okay?\u00a0 They didn't.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But the question is did your husband consult with your wife?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0You know what?\u00a0 My husband looked at that cover, and he said, \"That is cool.\"\u00a0 Because we're all in this together, and we're all a team.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Good for him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I like that, that's right, I'll salute him for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I will, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And we will salute you, Ellie Kay, for your work on this book, \"Heroes at Home,\" and your husband for his defense on behalf of our nation, and I would encourage our listeners, if they haven't prayed recently for a military family in their church, their community, to do so right now, and we pray God's favor upon your marriage, your family, and your husband as he continues to protect our nation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Well, thank you so much, and God bless you and God bless America.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, I was thinking about the fact that acronyms are a big deal with the military, and we've got \"Defending the Military Marriage,\" which would be DMM, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEllie:\u00a0Right, sure you could.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And then \"Heroes at Home,\" which would be HAH, Hah.\u00a0 And we have all of that available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 If you'd like to call us to get DMM and HAH, you can call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 That's \u2013 you'd like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0DMM and HAH \u2013 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 You can go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 DMM is \"Defending the Military Marriage,\" it's the Homebuilders study that we have designed for military couples to go through with other military couples, and HAH, is Ellie Kay's book, \"Heroes at Home,\" which is designed, again, for husbands and wives to help them understand how marriage and family in the military can sync up well together, and you can request either or both of these resources from us when you go online at FamilyLife.com or when you call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you go online, click the red \"Go\" button in the middle of the screen, and that will take you right to the page where you can get more information about these resources.\u00a0 You can order them online, if you'd like, and if you want to call 1-800-FLTODAY, you can give us a call, and we'll get these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, on a 4th of July holiday, it may be that there are some folks who are tuned in listening who aren't regular listeners to FamilyLife Today, and if you're one of those folks, you don't get a chance to listen very often because of your schedule, we're glad that you were able to be with us today and hope you found today's program helpful.\u00a0 FamilyLife Today exists to provide practical biblical help for marriages and families.\u00a0 We want to see marriages of all kinds strengthened, and we want to see families strong as well.\u00a0 Our FamilyLife Resource Center exists so that we can provide you with quality resources to strengthen your relationships.\u00a0 We have events like the FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conference that's held in cities all across the country, again designed to build stronger marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Our website, FamilyLife.com, is loaded up with lots of content, articles, resources, again, for helping couples and families.\u00a0 And, of course, this daily radio program heard each weekday on this station at this time is a listener-supported program designed to help you when it comes to life's most important relationships \u2013 our relationship with God and our relationships at home.\u00a0 And I mentioned that we're listener-supported.\u00a0 We depend on donations from folks who listen to help keep this program on the air.\u00a0 In fact, the reason we're able to be on the air today is because folks like you in past weeks and months have called or gone online to make a donation to FamilyLife Today, and we appreciate those folks who do partner with us in helping to support the ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, again, thanks for listening.\u00a0 We're glad you were able to tune in today and thanks for helping to support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we're going to be joined in the studio by someone who became kind of an American hero when he participated in the Olympics back in '64, '68, '72 \u2013 won the Silver Medal in the 1500 meters and held the world record for a while in the mile.\u00a0 Jim Ryun is going to join us along with his two sons, Ned and Drew, and we're going to talk about some people who are heroes that you may have never of before \u2013 folks like Christopher Green or Elijah Lovejoy or Peter Muhlenberg, or Edith Cavell.\u00a0 We'll talk about some of these unknown American heroes on tomorrow's program.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 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