{"id":301113,"date":"2006-05-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-05-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-pressure-to-fit-in\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:20","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:20","slug":"the-pressure-to-fit-in","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-pressure-to-fit-in\/","title":{"rendered":"The Pressure to &#8220;Fit in&#8221;"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What does it take for a teen to be popular today?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-05-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.36M","filesize_raw":"11911216","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855],"tags":[2209,4461,2588],"podcast_series":[7452],"cwp_profile":[9010],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301113","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","tag-parenting","tag-peer-pressure","tag-teens","podcast_series-teen-advisors","cwp_profile-richard-and-dee-dee-stephens","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301113\/the-pressure-to-fit-in","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301113\/the-pressure-to-fit-in","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"taqV1uWgF3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-pressure-to-fit-in\/\">The Pressure to &#8220;Fit in&#8221;<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-pressure-to-fit-in\/embed\/#?secret=taqV1uWgF3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Pressure to &#8220;Fit in&#8221;&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"taqV1uWgF3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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answer our goal in our high school is to be important, to be remembered, to be popular, to do all the things you see the popular kids doing, and that's your goal, and so a lot of times that would be a clich\u00e9, but you'll do whatever it takes to get to that state of popularity or to be remembered in high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTeenage Boy:\u00a0The sad thing is, as you were saying that nowadays people will do what it takes to be popular and what it takes to be in this right circle, and it's sad to say, and it's sad to actually observe that what it takes is to go out and get drunk and to go out and partake in those negative activities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTeenage Boy:\u00a0I think parents would be surprised by the availability of stuff and how easy it is to access things like drugs or alcohol or pornography or how easy it is to have sex with somebody.\u00a0 I think parents would be very frightened if they knew how easy it was to do all that stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTeenage Girl:\u00a0I would say at least a quarter of our senior class was really into this drug thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTeenage Boy:\u00a0It's just so easy to get.\u00a0 High school has changed a lot from, I think, what the crystal clear view of it used to be of going to pep rallies, going to football games.\u00a0 The popular kids were the ones that were at the football games or they were at the pep rallies and all this stuff, and that were supporting the school.\u00a0 That's not the same anymore.\u00a0 Like, the popular kids aren't the ones that support the school.\u00a0 The popular kids are the ones that go and get drunk on the weekends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, May 17th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 And, as parents, if we're going to help our children survive life on the high school campus, maybe we need to understand what they're up against.\u00a0 Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 I guarantee you, high school today is different \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 than when you and I were in high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What do you remember most from high school?\u00a0 I remember walking down the halls wondering who I was going to talk to and when the next basketball game was, because that was my sport.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes, our team was second in state in basketball my sophomore year, and so I guess I probably remember the sporting events.\u00a0 I remember the cute girls.\u00a0 I mean, it was kind of the basic high school stuff, and I know there were issues, but it's been ratcheted up a notch since we were in school, hasn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It has.\u00a0 You know, there is an equation we're going to talk about today, although we're not going to specifically discuss this equation.\u00a0 Sports + girls + booze \u2013 morality = popular.\u00a0 Now, that's been true for generations, but today, more than ever, perhaps, because of, I think, the lack of good, solid role models especially starting at home.\u00a0 We've got a number of young people who need teen advisors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that equation that you spelled out is one that we got from talking to a group of teenagers who are a part of being that role model example for younger peers.\u00a0 We heard about a program a while back from a friend of ours, Chris Willard.\u00a0 He told us about a mom and a dad in Columbus, Georgia, who were concerned about their own children and the high school experience they were going to have, and they decided that instead of letting their children succumb to negative peer pressure, they would see if they could create a little positive peer pressure around the school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Instead of going with the flow, Richard and DeeDee Stephens decided to hammer out a ministry on their own.\u00a0 Now, this is just a lay couple who wanted to make a difference in their teenagers' lives and their community, and so they formed a ministry called \"Teen Advisors.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And they enlisted high school students and college students as well to be available to interact with their peers and to point them in the right direction when it comes to things like abstinence and substance abuse \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 peer pressure \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 and morality \u2013 all of those issues, and it's kind of caught on there in the Columbus area.\u00a0 So we asked Richard and DeeDee if they would come spend some time with us, tell us about the program, and bring along some of the Teen Advisors with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And we asked this panel to step into the studio, and we tossed some tough questions at Liz and Kristin and Andy, and asked them what they thought about peer pressure and what it's like to be a teen today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So we want you to eavesdrop on part of the conversation that we had with Richard and DeeDee Stephens and with three of the teen advisors from Columbus, Georgia, as we talked about life in high school for teenagers today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0Probably the best way for me to explain Teen Advisors is to talk about this freshman that walks into the high school, they very first day of school, small, insecure, not real sure what this huge life, this huge building, is going to present him, and he's trying to decide what is cool and what is acceptable and how am I going to fit in, and what he hears in the halls is mostly negative.\u00a0 What he hears from the upperclassmen is the parties going on on the weekend, who is sleeping with who. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When our oldest child was a freshman, and we became aware of that kind of pressure, it was very scary as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That was really the genesis for you \u2013 when your daughter was about to be a freshman \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0It was scary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Scary for you \u2013 was it scary for her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0Yes, it was very scary, and she loved the Lord, and she was committed to the Lord, but, all of a sudden, she didn't really know who she was anymore.\u00a0 There were too many choices out there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It's a frightening time for a young person.\u00a0 They feel insecure just because of the changes taking place in their body and their identity and who they are, and so here you are, Richard, you're the parents of four kids, and you know all four of yours are about to pass through this danger zone.\u00a0 Did the lights go off for you, too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRichard:\u00a0Yeah, it's really a cold sweat when you really think about what your kids are experiencing.\u00a0 When they are going into an environment that they have to become what they really don't want to be, they have to go, many times, against all the principles that they've been taught all their life to be accepted.\u00a0 When they see other kids that aren't changing their lives; that are holding onto the values that they have learned, and they're proud of those values, and they share them with them, it's an oasis for that young child.\u00a0 It's a place to go where I can be what I know I\u2019m supposed to be and be accepted for who I am.\u00a0 I don't have to change to be accepted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0DeeDee, take me back to your daughter's \u2013 her first few days of ninth grade.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0Well, I'd need to fast-forward faster than that.\u00a0 It was really after \u2013 toward the end of the year, and it was just the realization that there were a lot of other young people in the high school who didn't believe the way everybody else was going, but they were too afraid to speak up and say something about it.\u00a0 They felt too alone.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so a group of us parents, a very small group, decided if we can somehow get these kids together and give them the confidence; give them, first of all, a reason to speak out about what they believed in, surround them with a few friends that will stand beside them, and then if the school will give us permission to have a place to speak like that.\u00a0 So that's how the idea of Teen Advisors just kind of all got put together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, when Barbara and I finished the job of raising all six of ours through the teenage years, at the end of that time, I would have to say, number one, the most powerful influence in the lives of our kids, after us as parents and a family, and sometimes it wasn't always true \u2013 the peer pressure sometimes beat us out \u2013 was this incredible power you're talking about.\u00a0 And it's a combination of two things \u2013 it's a combination of the insecurity coupled with the herd \u2013 just the power of the herd in young people's lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, I want to ask you three young people, who are all in college, this is now removed four or five years, all right?\u00a0 Which one of you can recall that freshman\/sophomore year experience where you had those feelings of insecurity, and your eyes got big, and your legs started shaking, and you felt terribly insecure.\u00a0 Which one of you would like to explain what that really felt like and what it was like to go through that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Andy, you're nodding like you remember that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Right, right, well, and I think that \u2013 I don't think that a lot of guys would admit their insecurities a lot of times, but I was very insecure going as a freshman.\u00a0 My brother was a senior in high school when I was a freshman, and so I automatically felt like I had to live up to something else, because he was this big-time senior, you know, football player.\u00a0 So I joined up football, and I was doing all of these things because I want to fit in, I wanted to be friends with the seniors, I want to fit in with all them and everything that they were doing.\u00a0 And so I automatically, like, the first week, freshman year, was losing who I was just to become somebody that was going to be accepted in high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It became pretty clear to you pretty quickly \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Well, it wasn't clear to me then that that's what I was doing, but after a couple of years, I realized that everything that I was doing was just not right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But what was clear to you, even on a subconscious level was if I'm going to fit here, I'm going to have to be somebody different than I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, than I already am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And what did that \"different\" look like?\u00a0 What did that mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Oh, gosh, it was nasty.\u00a0 I'll just tell you, the first two years of my high school experience I was \u2013 I experimented pretty heavily with alcohol and drugs, and that was mainly because I wanted to fit in, and it was just nasty.\u00a0 The world that I had to be a part of in order to fit in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, wait a second.\u00a0 You're talking about a 14-, 15-, 16-year-old, none of that stuff's legal.\u00a0 How did you find it?\u00a0 You're talking about drugs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Where'd you get it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Well, it's just very easy to find.\u00a0 I got \u2013 everything that I ever did, I got from friends, and, strangely enough, I never had to pay for any of it, and it was all just given to me because that was the social thing to do, and it was just available.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You came from a good home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Oh, yeah, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Your parents didn't pass joints around, smoke dope together, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But you found yourself doing that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's how powerful it can be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0That's how powerful it can be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What about you, Liz?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0I never did drugs, but I had \u2013 my best friend spent most of her high school years doing drugs, and she just got them from friends, too.\u00a0 She would go to the parking lot, and they would hand her a joint, or she would go to a party, and she would be passed out by the end of the night and couldn't go home because somebody gave her everything she wanted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, there are parents listening to you \u2013 you and Andy right now.\u00a0 They're going, \"You've got to be kidding me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Well, I think that the problem is a lot of adults and parents are just clueless about what's going on, and they're just very na\u00efve, and they think, \"Not my child.\u00a0 My child couldn't be doing that.\"\u00a0 And I think that's the state that my parents were in.\u00a0 It's no fault of their own.\u00a0 They were great parents, and they taught me right from wrong, it's just it was so easy to do anything that I wanted to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You were keeping it all hidden from them, though.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So somehow you were sneaking in late at night acting sober, keeping the smell off, how'd you do all that stuff?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0It was a system.\u00a0 We had it worked out.\u00a0 We're very clever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[crosstalk] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm a parent.\u00a0 I want to know the system.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Oh, gosh, here I am letting out all the secrets, this is no good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[crosstalk] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We've got parents who are about to take notes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Yeah, that's right.\u00a0 You just put a bottle of cologne in your pocket before you leave, you have another shirt in the car so that after you get done smoking, you can change shirts, and you can spray some cologne on you.\u00a0 Keep a bottle of mouthwash in the back seat of the car.\u00a0 That way you can rinse out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Toothbrush, toothpaste?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Nah, that's not a big deal, because you say \"Hey, Mom,\" and walk past them and then go into your room.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0I would say one of the easiest things is that \u2013 tell me if I'm wrong \u2013 most parents are in bed by the time the kids get home.\u00a0 All they have to do is check in \u2013 \"Just let us know when you're home.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Just (knocks) \u2013 \"Hey, Mom, I'm in.\u00a0 Dad, we're home.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0Then the other thing is \u2013 I know some of their secrets, too.\u00a0 They don't go home, they spend the night out at somebody else's house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0The biggest thing was just being deceitful, keeping it away from parents, and going to the kids' parents that didn't mind.\u00a0 That was another thing.\u00a0 There were parents who would buy alcohol for the kids.\u00a0 I went to a couple of parties where the alcohol was provided by the parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, I have to stop you there, because we caught our kids going to homes like that, and with parents who we went to church with who we thought were Christians.\u00a0 I guess they were Christians, they just had a different value system.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But you're saying your kids could go over to their house and drink?\u00a0 Mom and Dad said, \"Well, it's better for them to do it here than\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Actually, our kids didn't drink, but what was happening over there was a lot of kids were, and the parents were creating an atmosphere where this could happen.\u00a0 And so what we thought was a safe place, a place where there was accountability, standards, values that were similar to ours as parents, we found out, in many cases, they weren't the same.\u00a0 So it's the very thing you're talking about, Andy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Did your parents ask you \"Are you drinking?\u00a0 Are you smoking dope?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Oh, yeah, they would ask on a very consistent basis, and just make sure that I was doing the right things, which I would always say yes to, of course.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So you lied?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0Oh, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me go to Liz, because you said your friend got caught up in all of this, but you didn't.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Why do you think she did, and you didn't?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0Well, we had a different value system from the beginning.\u00a0 My parents raised me differently than her parents raised her, but a lot of times I had a contract.\u00a0 I was in Teen Advisors even \u2013 most of the time, I didn't want to do it because I saw that it was empty, but even if I did, I was risking all of my other friends in my entire life in Teen Advisors being taken away because I broke my contract.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But when you got into high school in ninth grade, you didn't have a contract with Teen Advisors?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You were just like Andy walking in, and the way to fit in is to go out and party, but you didn't.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0I was shy.\u00a0 I was lonely, and I was shy, and I didn't feel like I could talk to people, and I spent a lot of my freshman year without friends for that reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, I want to say something about that because one of the things that we found with our kids as well \u2013 when they did do what was right, like you're talking about, many times they were lonely, and that they actually were ostracized and were not in the group, and it's interesting, as a parent, both Barbara and I felt pressure to help our children be in the in group, and we didn't realize as we were trying to help our children get in the in group what that meant.\u00a0 If you get your child in the in group, you are also getting the same values that the in group has.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Did all of you go to church while you were in high school, junior high?\u00a0 Were you regular church-goers?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKristin:\u00a0I wasn't a regular, and I guess I'd grown up in a Christian family, but not like a regular church-going family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0So you'd go from time to time.\u00a0 Were you there every Sunday, Elizabeth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0I went from time to time.\u00a0 I didn't have a regular church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0I was there every Sunday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, so here we've go Andy, who is the partier \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0He's the only church-goer in the bunch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That\u2019s right.\u00a0 Here is my question \u2013 you're going to church every Sunday, are all your partying buddies at church, too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAndy:\u00a0They didn't go with me to church, but, yeah, most of them were all church-goers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLiz:\u00a0The one thing that I noticed about that was that it reminded me that the one reason that I wasn't compelled to go to church was that I felt so out of place in the youth group because they had been to the party the night before that I didn't want to go to, and they had been to the parties all weekend that I was trying not to go to and trying not to get into, and they would bring those stories to youth group with them on Sunday morning.\u00a0 They would bring them to Sunday school, and I couldn't relate.\u00a0 I had nothing to say to them because I hadn't been, and I felt more out of place in church with my youth group than I did in my high school, because at least in high school I had Teen Advisors.\u00a0 When I went to school, I had friends who were NTAs, but when I went to church, I didn't have anybody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The thing I want to point out about that is that a lot of parents feel like their child is safe when they go to youth group, and I'm not down on youth groups.\u00a0 I think you need to be highly selective of the group of young people your child spends time with, especially around spiritual matters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But if they're involved in a youth group, don't assume that because they are, therefore they're not being influenced by those matters that will take them off in the wrong direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDeeDee:\u00a0Richard and I raised four children, and they were in church Sunday morning for Sunday school, Sunday for church, Wednesday night for youth group, sang in the choir, so they went Sunday night as well.\u00a0 We've been married 37 years, so raised in a good home with a mother and father that loved each other.\u00a0 All four of our children, when they hit high school, I would say most of \u2013 we would have loved it if their decisions were made, their choices were made because of what they believed God wanted them to do; what they believed we wanted them to do.\u00a0 I would say most of their choices were made because of what their friends were doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, that is DeeDee Stephens, who is one of the founders of Teen Advisors, and a number of the panelists, Liz and Kristin and Andy, who joined us for a conversation.\u00a0 In fact, we're going to hear more from them this week, but I had to think, as she was describing what these students are doing, I thought about your sixth grade Sunday school class.\u00a0 You used to do the same thing \u2013 bring in the older kids to talk to the younger kids, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'm telling you, 10-, 11-, 12-year-old is just like a little radar unit.\u00a0 They lock on these 16-, 17-, 18-year-olds who are in high school, and, \"Oh, gosh, look at how old they are, how mature they are,\" and when they start talking about temptations and what they're facing and how you have to stand strong in advance of facing the issue, the younger ones really do listen.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so three applications here \u2013 number one, train your preteens, your sixth graders, specifically, to decide in advance where they stand on these major issues of drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography.\u00a0 They're going to face the issues.\u00a0 Why not decide in advance what they're going to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Secondly, train your children, as they become teens, how to withstand, how to flee, youthful lusts and how to get out of situations when they find themselves being tempted.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Third, challenge your teenager and, for that matter, challenge your 11- or 12-year-old.\u00a0 As they grow up through the teenage years to always think of themselves as a positive peer; as one who is applying peer pressure from the side of goodness.\u00a0 You know, over in Romans 12:1-2, it talks about us being transformed so we can prove what God's will is.\u00a0 As you train your teenagers, challenge them to stand strong in the midst of peer pressure, in the midst of the challenging choices and temptations they face, and if they fail, let them know that the door is always open for you to talk with them and to talk about the grace of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Undoubtedly, some of our listeners are going to want to know more about Teen Advisors and wonder if there is a way for them to establish something like this in their own high school or in their own community.\u00a0 We've got a link on our website at FamilyLife.com to the Teen Advisors website.\u00a0 Just go to FamilyLife.com and click the red button in the center of the screen that says \"Go,\" and that will take you to a page where you can find the link to the Teen Advisor site.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You'll also find on that page information about resources that we would recommend to parents who have teenagers or are about to have teenagers.\u00a0 If you've got younger children who are headed toward the teenage years, can I encourage you to get a copy of the book Dennis and Barbara Rainey have written called \"Parenting Today's Adolescent.\"\u00a0 You may want to consider getting a devotional for your student.\u00a0 Our friends at Walk Through the Bible Ministries have put together 26 weeks of daily devotions designed for teens to help them stay spiritually strong as they deal with the kinds of issues we've talked about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, all the information about these resources is on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 Just go there and click that red \"Go\" button in the middle of the screen.\u00a0 You can order from our website, if you'd like, or you can call 1-800-358-6329, which is 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we can get these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0This month we have been spreading the word about a unique opportunity that we have here at FamilyLife where some friends of the ministry have come to us and offered to match donations that we receive during the month of May on a dollar-for-dollar basis up to a total of $350,000.\u00a0 Already we've heard from a lot of our listeners who have contacted us and said, \"We want to help support this effort and want to make sure you can take full advantage of this matching gift opportunity.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Just recently, we had another friend who stepped in and said, \"I'd like to raise the stakes a little bit,\" and he pledged an additional $25,000 to encourage, again, listeners to make a donation to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 So now instead of a goal of $350,000, we have a new goal of $375,000, which simply means we need as many of you as possible to do what you can do this month.\u00a0\u00a0 Make a donation of any amount, and that donation will be matched dollar for dollar up to this new total of $375,000.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let me say thanks in advance for standing with us financially.\u00a0 We appreciate your financial support, and it will really help us as we go through the summer months when there is sometimes a shortfall in donations to the ministry.\u00a0 So, again, if you can make a donation of any amount this month, go to our website, FamilyLife.com, and make your donation online or call 1-800-FLTODAY and make your donation over the phone, and we appreciate you pitching in to help us get to the goal of $375,000.\u00a0 Thanks for your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Tomorrow we are going to be back to hear more from our panel of teenagers about life on the high school campus today, and we're going to get the scoop on what's going on when it comes to couples hooking up in high school.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 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