{"id":301104,"date":"2006-05-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-05-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:19","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:19","slug":"six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children, Part 2"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller tell parents how to stop whining before it starts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-05-04.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.35M","filesize_raw":"11901440","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[2209,4879],"podcast_series":[7449],"cwp_profile":[9008,9007],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301104","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-parenting","tag-whining","podcast_series-say-goodbye-to-whining","cwp_profile-joanne-miller","cwp_profile-scott-turansky","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301104\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301104\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oM1GJyfF3e\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2\/\">Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children, Part 2<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-2\/embed\/#?secret=oM1GJyfF3e\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children, Part 2&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oM1GJyfF3e\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller tell parents how to stop whining before it starts.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-05-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's quite possible that the reason some children whine and complain is because that's what they've seen modeled by grownups.\u00a0 Here's Scott Turansky.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0You know, I used to coach my son's Josh's baseball team.\u00a0 We had a great time just evaluating the other coaches and how they coached.\u00a0 Some would yell at the players, yell at the other coaches, yell at the umpire.\u00a0 So what's really the most important thing in life?\u00a0 Is it that we win a game or is it that we treat each other with honor?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, May 4th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We're going to talk today about how you and your children can help one another develop a better attitude.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition.\u00a0 I hope that if you've been with us all this week, and you've been applying what we've been talking about \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 your home is now completely whine-free.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It should be whine-free.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0A whine-free zone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I think we should take the picture from the front of Scott Turansky and JoAnn Miller's book \u2013 that kid who is scowling on the front \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 can we put him on our website?\u00a0 He could be the poster kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We'll put his picture up there with a red circle around it and a line through, you know, a no whining symbol, something that you can print out and hang in your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I remember, I don't know if you saw the movie that came out a while back that Disney did called \"The Kid.\"\u00a0 Did you ever see that movie?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I did not, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There was a point in this movie where somebody was whining, and the adult responded to the whining by saying \u2013 by whining back, and he said, \"Ohhhh, why doesn't somebody call the waaahmbulance?\"\u00a0 The waahhhmbulance, because he was just going wahhhh, call the waaaahhhmbulance.\u00a0 Sometimes that's what we need to do \u2013 call the waaahhmbulance because our kids are just going wahhhh all day long.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, we have the solution for the waaahhh.\u00a0 This book, \"Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids\" \u2013 Scott Turansky and Joann Miller, I've got to believe both of you have brought a great deal of hope and encouragement to moms and probably some dads all across the country over the past couple of days.\u00a0 And today we want to continue on with our list of how you teach children to honor instead of whine and complain.\u00a0 And, in doing so, and, Bob, we're going to have you review the first three principles in just a moment, but I'm going to start by telling a story.\u00a0 I've told this on the broadcast before, but this is the perfect story for continuing to teach the principle of honor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And what was occurring was a battle around cleaning the kitchen after dinner, all right?\u00a0 And finally the kids refused to do what they were supposed to do.\u00a0 They were griping, they were complaining, they were saying, \"It's his fault,\" \"It's her fault,\" \"It's not my responsibility\" \u2013 all those things, and it had been a hard day at work.\u00a0 I'm looking for some pity here.\u00a0 Someone give me some compassion, all right?\u00a0 It was just one of those days where, you know, you just didn't \u2013 I just didn't seem to have the capacity, and so instead of walking in the spirit, for a moment I slipped over the edge, and I walked in the flesh, and I got ticked.\u00a0 I got angry, I raised my voice, and I took a box of Kleenexes and in a fit that would really be appropriate for an adolescent teenager, truthfully, I was a grown man doing this \u2013 I threw the Kleenex box \u2013 not at the kids, because I didn't want to hurt them \u2013 but I threw it at the floor, and I just threw it at the floor, and I said, \"You guys are pitiful.\"\u00a0 And I stormed out of the house and slammed the door, and it was winter, and it was cold outside.\u00a0 And, after a while, you know, my steam began to emanate, and the cool of the winter began to take over, and I go, \"Wait a second.\u00a0 I am standing outdoors.\u00a0 I, secondly, pay for the mortgage on this house.\u00a0 They are inside warm, probably snickering in the kitchen about how Dad is behaving.\u00a0 What am I doing out here?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Something's wrong with this picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And why are they back in there?\u00a0 I should have made them go out here and stand in the cold and get their act together about cleaning the kitchen.\u00a0 Now, that's how not to deal with whining, complaining, and a bad attitude.\u00a0 You can't exemplify the same thing yourself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yesterday we began walking our way through six principles \u2013 six ways in which we can teach honor to our children.\u00a0 This comes from a chapter in Scott and JoAnn's book, and we have that chapter available on our website at FamilyLife.com, if you want to go and review these principles.\u00a0 But the first thing we talked about was teaching our children how to treat other people as special.\u00a0 Then we talked about teaching them to do more than is expected, and we ended up talking about the whole issue of a bad attitude and how we correct, how we deal with a bad attitude and how we deal with anger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The fourth principle is one that you guys had to travel all the way to Africa to learn and see illustrated, right, Scott?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0Well, yes, we tell the story in that chapter about how we're trying to teach honor lessons in life, and my family was in Kenya on the mission field for a period of time, and JoAnn and her family came to visit us while we taught some parenting seminars to missionaries and out in the bush to Kenyans.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But we decided to take a vacation together \u2013 all 11 of us in a van for 10 hours with no air conditioning driving from Nairobi down to the coast of Mombasa, knowing that the car is a tremendous place where dishonor is demonstrated.\u00a0 We decided to create then what we call now the \"Woops and Ah\" game.\u00a0 The Woops and Ah game was simply the identification of several negative kinds of speech \u2013 arguing, complaining, whining, talking too much, and being bossy.\u00a0 What we said that if anybody could identify that kind of speech, they could say \"Woops,\" and the rest of us would pick which of the five it was and then give some suggestions on how that person could change their kind of speech.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I remember that David said, \"There are black rhinos and white rhinos in Africa.\"\u00a0 And Tim says, \"Oh, no, there's only black rhinos.\"\u00a0 Somebody said \"Woops\" for arguing.\u00a0 It was suggested that Timothy say, \"I think there are only black rhinos in Africa.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We also were looking for positive kinds of speech \u2013 gratefulness, encouragement, praise, and when that happened, then we would say \"Ahhhh.\"\u00a0 And people would love to get the Ahhhh response.\u00a0 I remember Megan said, \"Dad, thanks for bringing us here,\" and I said, \"Ahhhh.\"\u00a0 Everybody could feel that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, Ed and I kept throwing in these Ahhhh responses.\u00a0 So I said, \"I'm the best driver in all of Kenya.\"\u00a0 And that earned me a hearty \"Woops,\" for boasting.\u00a0 So we spent a lot of time in the car with the Woops and Ahh game, but I'll tell you, when we got all the way there to the other side of the country, we had to call the game off, because there are so many opportunities for dishonoring speech that it just creates problems in family life; that if we would have kept the game going, the intense analysis would have driven us crazy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'll tell you, just to have a game like that available for the car \u2013 the car is, as you said, such a great place for disrespect and dishonor to come out, and unless parents are proactive with some kind of a strategy, it's just going to deteriorate into bickering and complaining.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Back over spring break, I had taken the kids for a short trip, a couple of hours in the car, and a couple of hours coming back \u2013 not that long, right?\u00a0 But along the way there was the normal bickering and complaining, and I remember one of my children, a couple of times during the day, saying, \"Boy, spring break sure is fun, isn't it, Dad?\"\u00a0 You know, with kind of a lighthearted approach, reminding everybody in the car that we really do need to have a better attitude, kind of calling us up to a higher standard but having a proactive approach and saying, \"Here is how we're going to deal with this.\"\u00a0 It's kind of like you've done with your dime jar in the car.\u00a0 If there is complaining, you take money out of the dime jar and at the end of the trip you get to divide up what's left.\u00a0 So nobody wants to complain because there's more money in the jar for everybody if nobody complains.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And to pick up on their principle here \u2013 one of the things we did also was put money in the jar when they said good things to one another and built one another up.\u00a0 And, JoAnn, that's one of the things I like so much about your book.\u00a0 You're trying to turn parents away from always focusing on the griping, the badgering, the complaining, the grumbling, the disputing.\u00a0 You're turning their eyes and the child's eyes away from the negative to the positive of training your children in how to show honor.\u00a0 And that's a good place to be in a family, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0It sure is, and we want to take a positive approach whenever we can, as parents.\u00a0 I think when we're not careful as parents we can get caught up in just looking at the negative, focusing on the things the children are doing wrong, \"You need to stop doing that,\" \"Stop talking that way,\" \"Don't act that way,\" and we become very negative ourselves.\u00a0 And what we want to do is take a more positive approach and teach our children the right response.\u00a0 Don't just tell them what not to do, but we can tell our children what they should be doing and encouraging them in that, even make it fun.\u00a0 If we can turn it into a game at first to develop those good habits, that will just make family life more enjoyable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There is another principle of teaching honor to your children, and it's pretty simple.\u00a0 You talk about modeling it before your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0That's right, if we're going to respond to our children with dishonor, it will be pretty hard to teach them how to show honor to one another and to us.\u00a0 So we really need to start with ourselves and show honor to our children and model it for them as we treat one another in the family we want to be showing honor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And not just in the family but when we go to a sporting event, we've got to make sure that in the stands we're treating the umps with respect, we're treating the other coach with respect, all of those kinds of things, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 You know, I used to coach my son, Josh's, baseball team.\u00a0 We had a great time that season just evaluating the other coaches and how they coached.\u00a0 Some would yell at the players, yell at the other coaches, yell at the umpire.\u00a0 It was terrible to see what people were doing, and we would lose games, but Josh and I would talk about life. So I might have lost games as a coach, but I was sure winning in the department of relationship with my son, because we'd discuss these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The fascinating thing was one game we were in the playoffs.\u00a0 And this one coach was so mean, yelling at me, the other coach, and Josh happened to be the pitcher, and in the end we lost that game, but we walked away from that saying, \"I would never want to win a game if it required that I be that kind of a person.\"\u00a0 The amazing thing about this story is that my son, Josh, won an award the next year.\u00a0 One student was picked out of all 500 students that were playing Little League as the student who was the most encouraging and sportsmanlike.\u00a0 They picked Josh.\u00a0 And the coach who gave the award was this opposing coach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, it was just one of those fascinating stories that made a lasting impression on both Josh and on me about what's really the most important thing in life?\u00a0 Is it that we win a game or is it that we treat each other with honor?\u00a0 So we talked about how to coach and what's important and tried to talk about how we modeled that in daily relationships.\u00a0 It's important for us, as parents, to model honor to our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that really points to the final issue in how we teach honor, which is appealing past the rules to the conscience, to the law of God that is written on the heart of a child and appeal to them to a clean conscience, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 We want to be able to appeal to their conscience, and that's done very gently.\u00a0 It's not done by lecturing at them or being harsh with them, but it's done sometimes through sadness \u2013 \"Boy, I\u2019m disappointed that you're making that choice.\u00a0 That's not going to be good for you in the long run.\"\u00a0 And just making comments in passing \u2013 with sincerity.\u00a0 We're not laying on a guilt trip here, but we're just being sincerely sad that they're making the wrong choices, because we know that down the road they're going to have to pay the price, and as we just are transparent about our sadness, I think our children can be touched by that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Years ago there was one of our teenagers who was going through one of these bad attitude periods, and I just remembered the Lord gave me just an extra touch of love for that teenager in the midst of that, and I looked at the teenager one day, and I said, \"You know what?\u00a0 I'm offering you a steak, medium rare, with the most delightful sauce you could ever imagine, poured all over it, and you are sitting there chewing on a hot dog.\u00a0 I just want you to know I\u2019m not going to go away with my steak, but if you want to keep on chewing on the hot dog, that's your freedom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And it's a little bit of what you're talking about \u2013 it's looking at them, honoring them, smiling, loving them, but inviting them out of their bad attitude, inviting them to something better.\u00a0 That's what we're to be as parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 We want to call them to maturity, we want to call them to a higher standard, but we don't want to be always pushing and shoving because that just develops negative relationships then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, there comes a point, as our children get older, that we start turning over more of the decision-making to them.\u00a0 I remember a time when one of our children had called home.\u00a0 There was a group going to see a movie.\u00a0 One of our children had called home and said, \"Can I go with this group to see this movie?\"\u00a0 And I decided it was time, and so I said, \"I'm going to leave that decision up to you.\"\u00a0 I think it was the first time this child had had that freedom.\u00a0 And the child said, \"Well, what do you know about the movie, Dad?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"Well, I don't know much, but let me look online.\"\u00a0 So we went over there, and I said, \"Well, here is what's in the movie,\" and I described that to the child, and the child said, \"Well, is it okay if I go?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"That's up to you.\u00a0 I've just told you what's in the movie.\u00a0 It's up to you to decide whether that's a movie that you want to go see.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, all of a sudden, there was \u2013 it was, like, I have moved to a new place where instead of pushing against my parents' values, I have to decide what my own values are, and I was appealing to the child's conscience to say, \"You can go and see this.\"\u00a0 And I remember the child saying, \"Well, will you be disappointed if I go?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"Are you asking my opinion as to whether I think it's a good move for you to go see?\"\u00a0 \"Yeah.\"\u00a0 \"I don't think it would be a good movie for you to go see, but I want you to know it's still your decision.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So how'd you answer the question about the disappointment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I said, \"If you make the choice to go see this, I'll still love you and support you in the decision that you made, but, yeah, I'll be a little disappointed.\"\u00a0 \"Okay,\" and the child hung up the phone.\u00a0 And, you know, we're sitting at home, going, \"Are they going to pass the test,\" you know?\u00a0 And this was one of those situations \u2013 this was not a movie where I would just say, hard-line, \"No, you're not going to see that movie.\"\u00a0 There would be something like that, right?\u00a0 This was one where I\u2019m just going to leave it, it's gray area, questionable kind of stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But as I appealed to conscience, all of a sudden, what happened for the child was I'm moving to a new phase in life where I'm going to have to make these decisions rather than relying on Mom and Dad and just regularly pushing back.\u00a0 And it was one of those defining moments for that child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0When we treat our children with honor, treating them as mature, they often will rise to the occasion and act in a mature way, because that's what we're expecting of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay, Bob, so what did the child do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0In that particular case, they got to the theater, and the movie that the other kids wanted to go see was sold out.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0Now, there's the Holy Spirit for you, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 It just happened that they had to make another choice, anyway.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So it was a win-win for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It was a win-win kind of a situation, and, you know, we've laid that situation out in front of kids, and they've made choices that have disappointed us, but we've also had an opportunity for them to realize some consequences of those decisions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Another real quick story \u2013 a child called and said, \"I want to go with some friends\" on a Saturday afternoon to do something, and we said, \"Don't you have a lot of homework?\"\u00a0 \"Yeah, yeah, I can take care of that.\u00a0 I want to go do this with my friends\" on a Saturday afternoon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I know where this is going, yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And I said, \"Well, I will tell you that I think it would be wise for you to come home, do your homework, but I'll leave that decision up to you.\"\u00a0 \"Okay, thanks, Dad.\u00a0 See ya,\" you know, I'm outta here with my friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, it happened that that child turned in a paper late in the coming week, and lost a full letter grade because it was a day late.\u00a0 We had the chance to go back and revisit that issue and say, \"This is a consequence of the decision that you made, and I know at the time you really wanted to go with your friends.\u00a0 Was this worth it?\" and for the child to go, \"Yeah, I don't care about the letter grade,\" but we talked about the value of that over the long haul versus the value of how they'd spent time.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sometimes they will make decisions that are disappointing.\u00a0 You've got to make sure it's not \u2013 they're not moral decisions that are going to lead them down the wrong path; that it's not life-threatening situations, and then you've got to let them make some bad choices.\u00a0 Better to have them doing that while they're still at home than to send them off to college making bad decisions there with no one watching over them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Absolutely, and what we're talking about here really embodies Ephesians, chapter 6, verse 4, and although this is written to fathers, the application, I think, to moms is worth noting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\"And you, Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord,\" and that means we have the gentleness of the Lord.\u00a0 We love our kids, we give them room, we give them space, and that becomes difficult as they get older, as we watch them make some choices that maybe are less than the ideal.\u00a0 But I think you've given us, on the broadcast today, Scott, JoAnn, you've exhorted us to change our focus from the negative, from the complaining, the griping, the bad attitudes, and you've given us some blueprints to turn our children's hearts back to Christ and also back to honor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, Bob, I think this book really is a great encouragement for parents who are in the trenches, who are out there in the everyday work-a-day world who are hammering out their family where it isn't easy.\u00a0 They're facing instant messages on the computer, chores that are undone, homework that is being blown off by teenagers, Saturday chores going undone, kitchens that \u2013 well, they're a little bit like my illustration about the kitchen.\u00a0 Maybe their kids are pushing back.\u00a0 They need some practical help in knowing how to deal with this \u2013 this book provides it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, we've been at parenting in our house for 19 years now, and I know that the thing that we need regularly is reminders \u2013 a fresh call to do what's right, not to become weary in well doing, not to just throw in the towel and run away and go live in a cave somewhere and let your kids grow up by themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, after 19 years, Bob, your family is a whine-free zone, isn't it?<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It is from time to time.\u00a0 And then we have to get called back to the battle, and that's the whole point.\u00a0 We need the refresher course over and over again because our kids are growing, and there are new issues that emerge.\u00a0 I'm taking this book home so that Mary Ann and I can review it together as husband and wife to remind ourselves of these principles and to call one another back to the hard duty of raising children because the Bible says that if you do not become weary in well doing, in due time you will reap a good harvest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, and, Bob, if you were looking at my book that I have in my hands as the book you're going to take to Mary Ann \u2013 huh-uh.\u00a0 I have a bad attitude about that, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, wait, where did you get that book, do you remember?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Where did I get the bad attitude or the book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The book \u2013 where did the book come from?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You gave it to me.\u00a0 Are you now taking it back?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Taking it back?\u00a0 I lent it to you, that's what I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Bob, there are certain privileges that the host of the broadcast gets to have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You always \u2013 because you're the host, you always get \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You never, you never give me \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Do you have any help for us here, Scott?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You never give me books, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The title of the book is \"Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids.\"\u00a0 We have it available on our \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I think you and I need to read the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We have it available in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and if you'd like to get a copy, go on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 In the middle of the screen, you'll see a red button that says \"Go,\" and if you click on that button, it will take you right to the page where there is more information about Scott and JoAnn's book, \"Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids.\"\u00a0 We also have copies of Scott and JoAnn's new book, which is called \"Parenting is Heart Work,\" and it's a terrific book that helps us get to the root of a lot of these issues.\u00a0 So we're not just modifying behavior, but we're actually addressing the heart issues that have got to be addressed as we raise our children to understand the Gospel and to follow after Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com, click the \"Go\" button to get to the page where there is more information about these resources, or call 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and someone on the team can get your information and get the resources sent out to you.\u00a0 If you're interested in both of the books by Scott and JoAnn, we can send at no additional cost the two-CD audio series that features this week's conversation on this subject.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Again, our website is FamilyLife.com or call 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, if someone came up to you and suggested that there was some way that you could invest your money somewhere and instantly see it doubled, you would probably think there was a scam going on, and most of the time you'd be right.\u00a0 But this month there is a way you can invest your money in the ministry of FamilyLife Today, and it will be instantly doubled, and there is no scam associated with this.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've had some friends of the ministry come along \u2013 they have offered to match, on a dollar-for-dollar basis, any donation we receive here at FamilyLife during the month of May up to a total of $350,000.\u00a0 So when you invest in the ministry this month, the moment you make that investment, that amount will be doubled, and we will receive the benefit not only of your donation but of the matching gift from these friends of FamilyLife, and we are hoping that we can take full advantage of this matching gift during the month of May.\u00a0 In order for that to happen, we need as many of you as possible to do whatever you can \u2013 make a donation of any amount to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, let me just say we don't want you to take anything away from the giving that you're doing at your local church.\u00a0 That needs to be your first priority when it comes to giving, but if you're able to help us this month with a donation beyond what you're giving at church, and you can do that online at FamilyLife.com or call 1-800-FLTODAY to make a donation, that amount will be doubled and will be doubly appreciated during the month of May.\u00a0 So, again, if you can help, go on our website at FamilyLife.com and make a donation or call us at 1-800-FLTODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is still one subject we haven't talked much about this week, and tomorrow we want to get to that.\u00a0 It's the subject of a child who is continually recognizing and pointing out the sins of a brother or a sister.\u00a0 I think it's called \"tattling.\"\u00a0 We're going to talk about it tomorrow, I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t__________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 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