{"id":301103,"date":"2006-05-03T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-05-03T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:19","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:19","slug":"six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children, Part 1"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller tell parents how to discourage their children from whining.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-05-03.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.35M","filesize_raw":"11902064","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[2209,4879],"podcast_series":[7449],"cwp_profile":[9008,9007],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301103","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-parenting","tag-whining","podcast_series-say-goodbye-to-whining","cwp_profile-joanne-miller","cwp_profile-scott-turansky","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301103\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301103\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Bwta42PlWr\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1\/\">Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children, Part 1<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/six-ways-to-teach-honor-to-children-part-1\/embed\/#?secret=Bwta42PlWr\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children, Part 1&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Bwta42PlWr\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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whining.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-05-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0Oh, Madison, hey, it's past bedtime, time for bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0Awww, can you read me a book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0We already read five stories, now remember \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0Just one more, pleeeeeeeeeease?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0No, you need to sleep.\u00a0 Crawl in bed now.\u00a0 Where are you going?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0I want to say goodnight to Mommy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0Madison, you already did that, too, and I prayed, and you prayed, and now I'm tucking you in.\u00a0 Goodnight, son, I love you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0Ohhhh, goodnight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnnouncer:\u00a0Johnson home, 8:51 p.m.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0Daaad, I want a drink of waterrrrrr.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0No, you had your chance.\u00a0 It's time to sleep now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnnouncer:\u00a0And three minutes later \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0Daaaaaadddddd.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0What?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0I'm thirsty, can I have a drink?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0No.\u00a0 I already told you no.\u00a0 If I have to say it again, I'm going to have to spank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnnouncer:\u00a0Eight fifty-six p.m.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0Daaaaddd.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad:\u00a0What?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMadison:\u00a0When you come to spank me, would you bring me a drink of water?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Wednesday edition.\u00a0 Did you ever get any of those at your house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, we had a number of those \u2013 it was \"read me another story,\" going potty after you had all the water, et cetera.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's amazing, because you can sit down and think, \"Okay, have we exhausted everything?\u00a0 Have you been to the bathroom?\"\u00a0 \"Yes.\"\u00a0 \"Have you got your water?\"\u00a0 \"Yes.\"\u00a0 You can go through all of it, and it's like five minutes later they've come up with something \u2013 \"My nose is stuffy.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Or \"My bicycle is out.\u00a0 I left my bicycle out in the yard.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You have been there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, they go to a school \u2013 I'm convinced kids go to a school \u2013 in fact, I heard this story of a kid who was speaking to another kid about how to get your way?\u00a0 He said, \"Look, if you want a kitten, ask for a horse.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0That actually came from our guests on the broadcast today, Scott Turansky and JoAnn Miller.\u00a0 Was that one of your kids that did that, Scott and JoAnn?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0No, it wasn't mine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0He got the story.\u00a0 I don't know where it came from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I want to know who's got the kitten?\u00a0 Anybody got a kitten at their house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0My kids want a horse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, I do want to welcome you to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0Thank you very much, Dennis, it's good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And we have a couple of experts who both have completely eliminated all whining, complaining and bad attitudes in their homes, and the reason is they are the authors of a book called \"The Guarantee to Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids,\" book.\u00a0 That's really not the name of the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0One lady was reading our book, \"Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids,\" in the doctor's office, and the lady looked over and saw that title and said, \"That's impossible.\u00a0 You can't get rid of those things unless you get rid of your kids.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, we do want to talk about your solution to whining and complaining, which is honor.\u00a0 And, JoAnn, again explain to our listeners why honor is the solution to all these bad attitudes, all the griping and the grumbling.\u00a0 In fact, I know I've told this story before, but it got so bad in our family at one point, we memorized Philippians, chapter 2, which says, \"Do all things without grumbling or disputing.\"\u00a0 It's one of the shortest verses in the Bible only exceeded by \"Jesus wept.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But this verse, \"Do all things without grumbling or disputing.\"\u00a0 That can be memorized quickly at the dinner table.\u00a0 It won't cure the griping and complaining, but at least it will provide a little wheel alignment there for the kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0That's right, and that's a great verse to have our children memorize it \u2013 as adults, too, we need to memorize it and keep meditating on that each day because it's difficult.\u00a0 I think it's a natural response to life to try and whine and complain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And how is honor the solution to all this whining and complaining that kids \u2013 well, the kids barrage us and badger us with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0They do, and we want to teach them a different way, and we believe honor is the solution because honor deals with the way we relate to one another in FamilyLife.\u00a0 It has to do with our relationships \u2013 the way that we're talking, the way that we're acting, the way that we're viewing one another.\u00a0 We say that honor is valuing someone.\u00a0 We want to treat one another as valuable, and that will help us to get rid of some of those negative responses we might naturally have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, you broke honor down into three component parts or three kind of practical handles we can get on honor.\u00a0 One is to treat other people as special, to value other people.\u00a0 What are the other two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0Yes, we want to treat people as special, do more than what's expected, and have a good attitude.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And that all sounds wonderful here in a studio where we're all \u2013 where we're surrounded with walls that are extra thick, away from telephones and children bombarding us.\u00a0 But where we live life in the real world, we need training and hope and encouragement in how we can teach our children how to honor.\u00a0 And in your book, Chapter 4, is entitled, \"Six Ways to Teach Honor to Children.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Bob, we thought so much of this chapter, we have it on our website, FamilyLife.com, if you want to read the entire chapter.\u00a0 But take us through the first one of these six ways we can teach honor to our children, because they do need to be trained, don't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0They do, and the first thing we want to help them do is to learn how to treat people as special.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0It's really helpful just to think about the way we treat one another in the family because we want to treat our spouse special, we want to treat our children special.\u00a0 And we can then encourage our children to treat their mom or dad as special, treat one another as special.\u00a0 So we want to be talking about that in family life.\u00a0 It's a very important part of honor.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And we don't have to wait until there's conflict or complaining to deal with this issue of treating one another special.\u00a0 We can do some things proactively when the kids are getting along, just to heighten the awareness of teaching kids to treat one another as special.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0Sure, just to partner with one, maybe, and say, \"What we can we do for your brother today to treat him as special?\u00a0 Let's think of something together.\"\u00a0 We're encouraging all the children to do one special act of kindness today, and then they can be creative and decide how they want to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Mm-hm.\u00a0 Well, the second lesson is equally as important, isn't it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0It sure is.\u00a0 The second honor lesson is to teach our children to do more than what's expected, and that's a great part of honor, because when our children are grown up, and they're learning how to respond in life, we want to teach them obedience, doing what we ask them to do, but we want them to think of other people as well, and part of thinking of others is doing more than what's expected \u2013 doing what Mom would like you to do, even when Mom's not at home.\u00a0 What can I do for Mom?\u00a0 She's running late.\u00a0 Wow, it's almost dinnertime and Mom's not here.\u00a0 What can we do to help Mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's an incredible thought.\u00a0 Does that really happen at your house, JoAnn?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0Well, you know, we're working on it, we're working on it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But you've had occasions where you've seen your boys go the extra mile, haven't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0Sure, sure.\u00a0 My 14-year-old son, David, really has grabbed hold of this idea of honor and enjoys finding ways to show honor.\u00a0 So he may get up in the morning and empty the dishwasher or do some other things around the house that need to be done.\u00a0 He's got good observation skills, and I've encouraged him to use those observation skills to do more than what's expected sometime in family life.\u00a0 And there's a lot of joy comes when you're able to do that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0One great way to teach children to do more than what's expected is in the bathroom.\u00a0 You know, we put a sign up by our light switch, which said, \"Is the bathroom ready for the next person?\"\u00a0 All we're trying to do is get our kids to turn around and look.\u00a0 Anybody who walks by that bathroom can see that there's still pajamas on the floor, a towel not hanging up, and those would be the first two things on the list.\u00a0 But we then ask our children to do something extra \u2013 is it possible that somebody could actually put the toilet paper on the roller?\u00a0 What about shutting those cupboards or draining the bathtub?\u00a0 What about cleaning the sink?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIs there something that a child could do \u2013 now here is the interesting thing \u2013 you don't get any credit for doing something extra in the bathroom, but that gave us an opportunity to talk to our children about how God rewards those who do secret acts of righteousness.\u00a0\u00a0 And so it's so important for our children to see that they might not get rewarded for doing something more than what's expected, but God is watching, and God sees what's going on, and He is pleased with honor.\u00a0 And so when we're honoring to each other, even though someone might not recognize it, God is watching, and He sees it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay, let me give you all an illustration.\u00a0 This is a real-live illustration from the archives of our family.\u00a0 We had this problem of habitually, the kitchen not being fully cleaned after dinner.\u00a0 And we tried an individual child being responsible, we tried two children \u2013 well, that ended up in sibling rivalry, so that didn't end up working.\u00a0 We tried the whole family doing it, and, finally, to clarify what was expected, we actually painted a picture on a sheet of paper of what a clean kitchen looked like.\u00a0 It's kind of a Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood approach to a clean kitchen, are you with me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, boys and girls, this is what a clean kitchen looks like.\u00a0 Our kids hated it.\u00a0 They hated it when I broke out into my Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood clean-kitchen routine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I think you should have shot an instructional video.\u00a0 This would have been excellent for you and your family \u2013 a little home video.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I think boys and girls really do appreciate what a clean kitchen really looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's right, boys and girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So I've clarified the expectations, JoAnn, of what a clean kitchen looks like, but in this situation, with a child or two, I'm not going to mention their names here on the broadcast, but years ago before the earth's crust hardened, when these young people were growing up in our family, they habitually refused to clean the kitchen the way it was expected that they would clean it.\u00a0 What would you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0So now we're not dealing with honor, we're dealing with obedience.\u00a0 We've got a child, we're giving an instruction, and we've given it in a clear way, which is important.\u00a0 We don't want to give ambiguous instructions to our children, but we want to give them clear instructions; let them know what we're expecting.\u00a0 And then we're going to send them in to do the task and expect them to report back.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, when the child reports back, we're going to go with them and check their work, and it's easy to work with them.\u00a0 You know, it's a training process.\u00a0 I think sometimes children just need some more instruction, you know, and patience and grace from their parents, and we'll work with them day in and day out with the obedience issues and pretty soon they'll know what a clean kitchen looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to tell you, in all my years of raising children, two issues were repeatedly points of \u2013 they just felt like failures in both Barbara's life and my life as we raised them through.\u00a0 One was a clean kitchen after the meal was over; the other was taking the trash out.\u00a0 Now, I don't know what it was about our children, but they loved to draw battle lines and create battlegrounds around these two chores.\u00a0 And it really seemed like sometimes they won more than we did, you know what I mean, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I know exactly what you mean.\u00a0 Here, we're not talking about getting them to do more than expected, we're just talking about getting them to do what is expected, and that's the first place we've got to start \u2013 with obedience.\u00a0 Then we move to honor, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 You know, I was feeling like my young people had chores and responsibilities around the dinner clean-up time, but the children were saying, \"This is my piece that I am responsible for, and I don't have to do anything else.\"\u00a0 And that was something that wasn't a good attitude to have in family life so I said, \"Here's what we're going to do.\u00a0 Everybody's job is to clean the kitchen afterwards,\" which is one of the things you suggested that you did.\u00a0 But what we said was, \"If you can't find something to do, then look for something extra.\"\u00a0 I remember when we first started this, one of my daughters said, \"I don't know what to do?\"\u00a0 I said, \"Well, just pick up something that doesn't belong and put it where it belongs \u2013 anything.\"\u00a0 Or, you know, \"It looks like everything is done.\u00a0 Why don't you \u2013 there's a light bulb burned out right there.\u00a0 Why don't you fix the light bulb?\"\u00a0 Or \"Look at the fan above the kitchen here.\u00a0 It's dirty.\u00a0 Why don't you clean that?\"\u00a0 That's something extra. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so what I was trying to do was work with my children in the kitchen to model what it means to be honoring when we clean up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And what they want to do is they want you to end up cleaning the kitchen for them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0Often that's the case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0There is a third lesson in this approach toward honor, and it has to do with what happens when a bad attitude manifests itself, Scott?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0It's important to understand where a bad attitude comes from.\u00a0 Not only do we look at the symptoms, the signs, like the grumbling or the rolling of the eyes, or the stomping or the slamming of the door or even not doing a job all the way can be signs of a bad attitude.\u00a0 But, beyond that, what we want our children to see is that a bad attitude comes from an angry spirit.\u00a0 So what children are often doing is that they are seeking revenge on their parents for one reason or another, and they're using an attitude to do it.\u00a0 We're not going to allow that to take place.\u00a0 We believe it's important to discipline children for a bad attitude.\u00a0 Some parents believe that their children will grow out of bad attitudes.\u00a0 We don't believe that's the case.\u00a0 We believe they grow into them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so it's important to address it, to help children see what's happening, and to start holding them to account, teaching them how to respond when they're disappointed or when they can't handle the change.\u00a0 They need to have an honoring way to handle that situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You tell a story about a Dad's interaction with his daughter, Marge, who was seven years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0Yes, in this situation, we've got Marge fighting with a sibling, and then when Dad calls her on it, asks her to come and talk about it, she responds with a bad attitude toward Dad, and she starts yelling at him, and what this dad did is to identify that bad attitude that he sees.\u00a0 And, you know, sometimes kids, they're responding out of their emotion, and we need to just give them some time to settle down.\u00a0 It's the best thing they need, is to take a break, get out of that situation and calm down.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But this young girl didn't want to do right away, she just wanted to use all that energy she had and press toward a solution.\u00a0 But the dad was wise enough to have that young girl take a break, settle down, and then talk about that situation a little bit later when she had settled the emotions down.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, I want to ask you about that.\u00a0 Sometimes our kids get upset, or they get angry.\u00a0 That's a valid human emotion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0We want to give them some opportunity to be able to be safe and free with expression of emotion.\u00a0 How do we, as parents, know when anger crosses the line when there is disrespect and bad attitude that needs correction versus the frustration or the anger that a child is feeling that you want to say, \"You know, it's okay.\u00a0 It's safe to express that frustration here.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0Yes, and there are some families that go overboard and stifle any expression of anger at all.\u00a0 They miss out on opportunities, especially with teenagers, I find, because sometimes teenagers open up and are ready to talk, starting with anger.\u00a0 And if we, as parents, can be gracious enough to accept their emotion with their content without taking it personally, we can often open up doors of conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, it gets to be a problem when a child persists in treating a parent unkindly and then turning the anger toward the parent in an unhealthy way.\u00a0 So we've got to be able to draw lines for young people and for children so they know what's appropriate, what's inappropriate, when it comes to anger management.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Let's say that there is a teenager who is in a \u2013 well, they're locked up with a parent or both parents with a bad attitude, and it's occurring as you just described.\u00a0 They treat them in an unkind fashion repeatedly, over and over again.\u00a0 How does that parent respond in that situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0The first thing we want to do is stop the escalation.\u00a0 Either the parent or the teen can call for a break, which means that they separate for a period of time, but they have to come back and deal with it again.\u00a0 It's important to work out a solution, but sometimes the emotion takes over on the part of the young person or on the part of the parent, which gets in the way.\u00a0 So taking a short break for a period of time settles down the issue so that we can work on them in a more rational way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0This idea of taking a break is really helpful for children.\u00a0 It's really an adult skill.\u00a0 We want to teach it to them, teach them that's a healthy response.\u00a0 When your emotion is getting so strong that it's beginning to control you \u2013 that's how we define rage \u2013 is anger is now controlling you \u2013 we want the child to learn how to get out of that situation for a little while and deal with their own heart before they hurt someone.\u00a0 In fact, we say that anger is good, in one sense, as the emotion, anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them.\u00a0 So when the child recognizes that they're frustrated, that they're angry, they need to do something with that rather than just pressing on trying to solve the problem with that anger, because they may end up hurting someone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me tell you about something we did when our kids were younger, and the bad attitude was manifesting itself.\u00a0 In fact, as I'm thinking about it, I'm thinking, \"We could do this again.\"\u00a0 It happens \u2013 it wasn't just when they were younger that this happened.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But Mary Ann had found some refrigerator magnets that were round, black dots, and we kept those on the side of the refrigerator.\u00a0 And on the front of the refrigerator, we had a column for each child, and we would go through periods where we would say, \"Okay, what's going to happen is when you're manifesting a bad attitude, we're going to send you over to put one of the black dots under your name on the refrigerator.\u00a0 And if there's an accumulation, if there's more than one black dot during a day, there's going to be some loss of privilege.\u00a0 If you go for five days with no black dots, there's going to be some extravagant reward for that.\u00a0 You know, it's Chuck E. Cheese for you, or we're going out for ice cream or something.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And we did this in an attempt to help them realize what a bad attitude looked like.\u00a0 We'd often go through a trial period before we actually kicked in the official deal.\u00a0 We'd say, \"Okay, we're going to have two days where it's just trial, but after that we're into it full force.\"\u00a0 It did seem to bring them face-to-face with what is the manifestation of a bad attitude and kind of corrected things for a while.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoAnn:\u00a0You know, that's really a great idea, because what we need to do with our children is let them see the problem visually.\u00a0 Sometimes they're living life, and we're pointing out things that are kind of ambiguous to them, they don't see it, they don't know it, but if we can point it out to them, and I think that trial period is good, too, because we're not going to work on it real strong right away, maybe.\u00a0 Maybe what we need to just do is observe and help them observe what the problem is.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Sometimes it's all children need.\u00a0 If they begin to see the problem, they can work on it.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, you know, that points out the need for a resource that we created earlier this week.\u00a0 That was the parent video cam.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You wear this strapped around your head like a miner's helmet \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 and you're pointing your video camera right at the child's face, so you're recording their scowling look, and the eyes rolling back in the head, and all their frowns and everything, and then you roll into this with a little commentary over some video.\u00a0 That's exactly what we need to offer parents today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Here is what I think \u2013 all you have to do is get a copy of Scott and JoAnn's book, and when the child is manifesting a bad attitude, hold up the book \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\u2026 yeah, right here \u2013 this kid right here \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 you look the kid on the cover here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Who is this kid, by the way?\u00a0 Do either of you know him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScott:\u00a0But everybody else does.\u00a0 We've all seen him somewhere, haven't we?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0His arms are folded, he has a frown on his face, and I'm telling you, he has freckles on his nose, and he looks just like I did when I was a kid.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You could use the cover of the book as a teaching device but better than that is the content of the book, which is going to help you as a parent to be able to say goodbye to whining, complaining, and bad attitudes in you and your kids.\u00a0 And, you know, we have found over the years, Dennis, is that if we could, as parents, be more consistent, a lot of the issues that we struggle with have as much to do with our lack of consistency as parents as it does with what's going on in the heart of our children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There's no doubt about it.\u00a0 In fact, if you'll review these three lessons that we've learned today about teaching our children how to honor; to teach them to treat people as special; to do more than what is expected; and to teach a child to deal with a bad attitude \u2013 all of these assume that we, as parents, are mature Christians who are walking in the faith; that we are modeling honor; that we are showing the kids how to live life on a daily basis, and we are relating to them in honor.\u00a0 And that's real easy to say here in the studio.\u00a0 It's very difficult in that kitchen, in that car, maybe after the game is over, and the kid's in a bad mood.\u00a0 We have to be the adult.\u00a0 In fact, JoAnn, one of the things you talked about, and I just was reflecting on it again is being able to give children time out \u2013 just some time to get control of their emotions.\u00a0 I think that is \u2013 that's such a valuable principle, and it's a great takeaway from today's broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, and you can review the principles we've been talking about on today's program by going online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 We've got Chapter 4 from the book, \"Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids\" on our website at FamilyLife.com, and you can see the six ways to teach honor to children.\u00a0 You can also get a copy of the book from us here at FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you go to the website, there is a button in the middle of the home page that says \"Go.\"\u00a0 And if you click on that red button, it will take you right to the site where you can get more information about the resources that are available online.\u00a0 You can order a copy of the book, \"Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining and Bad Attitudes in You and Your Kids.\"\u00a0 We also have copies of Scott and JoAnn's brand-new book, which is called \"Parenting is Heart Work.\"\u00a0 This is a great book that helps us get beyond just trying to change our children's behavior and really press these truths home into their heart, and it is just as practical, just as helpful, as the other book is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you're interested in ordering copies of both of these books, we can send along with them at no additional cost, the two-CD audio set that features this week's conversation on this subject, and you can pass that on to somebody else who needs to hear it, or you can review it again yourself.\u00a0 Maybe you and your spouse can listen together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, our website is FamilyLife.com, click that \"Go\" button in the middle of the screen so that you can get to the page where you can order these resources, or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and we've got folks standing by who can help you get these resources sent out to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, our commitment here at FamilyLife is to help listeners think more biblically about every topic related to marriage and family and relationships.\u00a0 We want to effectively develop the kind of godly families that can have an impact on the culture; that can change the world one home at a time and having children like this who are counter-cultural is one of the ways that we can represent the reality of the Gospel in our own families and in our own lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We recently had some friends of the ministry, folks who have partnered with us, who are hoping that more and more of our radio listeners will join with them and will become financial partners as well.\u00a0 They have agreed, during the month of May, that they would match any donation that we receive from a listener on a dollar-for-dollar basis.\u00a0 So if you call in and make a $50 donation, these folks are going to match it with $50 of their own.\u00a0 If you make $100 donation, they'll match it with $100, so on up to a total of $350,000.\u00a0 Now, that is a great opportunity for us, but in order to take full advantage of their generosity, we need you to consider prayerfully making a donation this month to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can do that online at FamilyLife.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and make your donation over the phone and, again, when you do, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $350,000, and that takes place all during the month of May.\u00a0 But please don't wait until the end of the month to make your donation.\u00a0 Do it today and let us say thanks in advance for partnering with us and helping to keep FamilyLife Today on the air in this city and in cities all across the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we want to talk a little bit more about what we can do as parents to make sure that the whining and complaining and bad attitudes we sometimes see in our children isn't just a reflection of what they see in us.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t__________________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301103","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301103"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301103"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301103"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301103"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301103"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301103"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301103"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}