{"id":301086,"date":"2006-03-29T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-03-29T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/b-is-for-boundaries\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:17","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:17","slug":"b-is-for-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/b-is-for-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"&#8220;B&#8221; is for Boundaries"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Curtis talks about setting appropriate boundaries for your children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-03-29.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.4M","filesize_raw":"11956456","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855],"tags":[2209,4877,2588],"podcast_series":[7443],"cwp_profile":[9002],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301086","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","tag-parenting","tag-prom","tag-teens","podcast_series-dirty-dancing-at-the-prom","cwp_profile-barbara-curtis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301086\/b-is-for-boundaries","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301086\/b-is-for-boundaries","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1YJMXbvubv\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/b-is-for-boundaries\/\">&#8220;B&#8221; is for Boundaries<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/b-is-for-boundaries\/embed\/#?secret=1YJMXbvubv\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;&#8220;B&#8221; is for Boundaries&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1YJMXbvubv\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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children.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-03-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Does it feel like holding to biblical standards as a parent is becoming harder and harder with each passing year?\u00a0 Barbara Curtis would agree.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0See, I've raised children in two different generations.\u00a0 A generation ago when Samantha was a teenager, the girls all put t-shirts over their bathing suits, and they didn't \u2013 I mean \u2013 they had one-piece bathing suits on, they looked fine, but they would put a t-shirt on if a boy came to the pool because they had this natural feminine modesty that the girls today just don't seem to have.\u00a0 I don't know how we eliminated that in the generation, but we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, March 29th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll share some strategies for raising teenagers today, when it feels like you're swimming upstream as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 My kids have asked me to stop using certain language at our house.\u00a0 They've really called me on this, and I'm thinking it through and trying to decide whether they're right.\u00a0 They've asked me \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Your kids have asked you to stop using certain language?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0They've asked me to quit using the \"B\" word at our house.\u00a0 You know what I mean, the \"B\" word, don't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Uh, no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The \"B\" word, they don't want to hear me talk about boundaries anymore.\u00a0 They don't want me to use that word, because I'm always saying, you know, \"Mom and I need to set some boundaries.\"\u00a0 They go, \"Dad, would you quit using that word, \"boundaries?\"\u00a0 It's just making them made, I think, is what's happening.\u00a0 So I'm trying to see if there is some alternative \u2013 do you have some suggestions other than boundaries?\u00a0 Is there a euphemism?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Oh, I've got some \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 \"guidelines,\" \"suggestions?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"Parameters.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\"Parameters\" is good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"Fences.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Oh, good, you do have some vocabulary.\u00a0 I can stretch it out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0\"Jail cell,\" \"bird cage.\"\u00a0 Those were words my teenagers used back at me.\u00a0 I'll tell you, I know this, Bob.\u00a0 We have a guest who joins us again \u2013 Barbara Curtis, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Who knows a little bit about boundaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You believe in boundaries, don't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Absolutely, boundaries are like the guardrails on bridges, they keep you from falling off and drowning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, and with 12 children, that's right, you heard it, count 'em, 12 children ages four to 35.\u00a0 Barbara needs a few boundaries.\u00a0 If she didn't, she'd be the one jumping over \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0\u2026 off the bridge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Off the guardrail.\u00a0 She is an author of a number of books including a new one called \"Dirty Dancing at the Prom and Other Challenges Christian Teens Face.\"\u00a0 And I just want to challenge our listeners to get this, because if you're raising a preteen or a teen, you need to get this book.\u00a0 It will help you anticipate issues that your teenagers will face.\u00a0 It talks about proms, it talks about modesty, morality, different issues that you face, but one of the things I found most interesting, Barbara, you talked about how there's an important 20 minutes of the day that every parent needs to seize, and personally [he pounds the table] I can pound the table about this one as well, but I'm going to let you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, if you want a way to increase your children's SAT scores, if you just want to do it for selfish reasons, improve their chances of staying away from drugs and alcohol and of not having premarital sex, there is one answer, and that's having dinner together as a family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0With the TV off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0With the TV off, yep.\u00a0 I know it's a hardship because, of course, I've got kids who have soccer and baseball and all kinds of things, and I also know that we can be very creative about how dinner happens, and that's that we choose the timeslot when everybody is going to be home or at least almost everybody will be home.\u00a0 I think the important thing is that you're sitting around the table together, and that you say grace, and that you have a conversation while you're eating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Why do you think this is such a big deal \u2013 having dinner together as a family \u2013 why does that change SAT scores and why does it make a difference in how your kids live their lives?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I think it demonstrates a willingness to stop the day, come together around a table and just be there together.\u00a0 If we did other things together, if we were all sitting in the living room reading or listening to the radio, like people used to do, maybe those things were satisfying, but nowadays that's not happening.\u00a0 And so that's the one time when the family can gather.\u00a0 It's kind of like communion, do you think, maybe?\u00a0 Like we're sitting down and breaking bread together.\u00a0 I mean, there's a spiritual significance to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There are also some other things that parents can do, even if both mom and dad work, and you don't have many hours at home, and you've got time taken up with cleaning up after dinner and homework and stuff.\u00a0 I make some practical suggestions in the book about ways people can engineer their homes so that there is more family time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Number one suggestion \u2013 get the TVs and the computers out of the bedrooms.\u00a0 Nobody should have a TV and computer in their bedroom.\u00a0 First of all, there is the temptation factor of porn, and there is also just the complete addictive nature of computer games and things like that.\u00a0 So for accountability's sake, it's good to have them out of the bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But, also, if you put them all in a common living space, then at least you're all together.\u00a0 You may not all be engaged in the same activity, but you're all there and available for conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What about music?\u00a0 If they're listening to music that is something other than a sanctified piece of music?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Oh, no, they're not allowed to listen \u2013 well, they listen to rock music but not if it has any lyrics that degrade women at all.\u00a0 I guess that's my old feminist, too.\u00a0 But I have seen obsessive behavior around computer games, and so then I'll enforce a limit, or create a boundary, so to speak \u2013 the \"B\" word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The \"B\" word, there it is.\u00a0 And that brings up an interesting point, because you and your husband came to Christ as adults.\u00a0 You already had children.\u00a0 When you began parenting as Christians, values began to change around the house, and you had kids who were used to one set of values who are now watching mom and dad change the picture, and they may not have liked the changes.\u00a0 I mean, I would imagine that new boundaries showed up once you were following Christ, didn't they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0But the interesting thing is that children actually need boundaries.\u00a0 They may not understand that, and they may rebel against it, but at the time right before we became Christians, actually, Samantha didn't have a curfew.\u00a0 She was 16 years old, and so she was \u2013 she'd be going out with Kip, her childhood sweetheart, and staying out until 2 or 2:30, because I never gave her a boundary, because I was a counter-culture person, so I didn't think that you were supposed to set limits.\u00a0 She could just make up her own mind.\u00a0 Honestly, I really felt that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As a parent, you thought, \"Hey, she's 16.\u00a0 We just need to let her do what she thinks is right.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah, but she kept pushing it and pushing it until she was out 'til 3 in the morning and so, finally, it was as though a light bulb went off, you know, like, \"Oh, hello, catch a clue, I need to set a boundary here.\"\u00a0 So I told her she had to be home at 12:30.\u00a0 You know what was really funny?\u00a0 I was walking down the hallway later that night, and she was on the phone with a friend, and she was almost bragging to a friend \u2013 \"Oh, yeah, my mom gave me a curfew.\"\u00a0 But it was like she was almost proud of it, and she never bucked against it.\u00a0 And I think that in Samantha I could see the product of somebody who was brought up in a permissive situation who actually was craving boundaries; who actually understood on some subconscious level that represented love; that if I was going to get in there and give her a boundary, that meant I cared about her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, but do you think that putting boundaries around Samantha as a \u2013 what was she \u2013 17 years old at this point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0She was 16.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Okay, so you start putting boundaries around her, and you say you think it gave some security, and she liked it, but she came to you later and said, \"I don't want to live with you and your husband anymore.\u00a0 I want to move home with dad,\" and you let her move out and move back with her father.\u00a0 Was that pushing back because now there were boundaries in her life, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0In retrospect, yes.\u00a0 I didn't understand that then.\u00a0 We hadn't yet become Christians, and it's hard when you're not a Christian, and you get involved in arguments with your kids.\u00a0 Things can get out of hand really fast.\u00a0 So we would have big arguments and as a result of one of these arguments, she decided to go live with her dad, which she did for a year, and it was very, very \u2013 it hurt me a lot.\u00a0 It was really sad.\u00a0 I felt very rejected.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But, in the meantime, this wonderful thing happened, that Trip and I became Christians, and our marriage became better, and we were becoming stronger parents.\u00a0 We'd only been Christians for about a month when Samantha decided that she wanted to move back in with us.\u00a0 So she came back to live with us, and we were living in a house \u2013 we'd moved \u2013 and we were in a house where there wasn't room for a bedroom for her in it, but there was a little guest cottage out beside the house with two bedrooms.\u00a0 So as we were preparing for this move back, I said, \"Well, you know, Kip won't be able to visit you in the guest house when he comes over, so we'll have to come into the big house.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And you have to understand in context that this was a very strange thing for her mom to say because I never would have cared before, but it was as though \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, wait a second \u2013 you wouldn't have cared if your daughter was sleeping with a young man before?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, I wouldn't have assumed she was sleeping with him, but I wouldn't have put a boundary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0But the truth was \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0But the truth was \u2013 the truth came out when I said that Kip couldn't visit her there, and she said, \"Why?\u00a0 Don't you trust us?\"\u00a0 And I said, \"Well, yes, I do trust you, but greater people than you have fallen into temptation.\"\u00a0 All this stuff was coming out of my mouth that I had never said before and that I barely understood, but she said \u2013 she got very mad, and so she just kind of spat out, \"Well, as a matter of fact, we do it.\"\u00a0 Like as something that would really hurt me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And the first thing that came out of my mouth was, \"Well, I love you and forgive you and Jesus does, too.\"\u00a0 Now, you have to keep in mind I'd only been a Christian for about a month, so there was very little intervention between whatever God was putting on my heart and what was coming out of my mouth.\u00a0 I never would have had the resources to say that because it was the perfect thing to say, because what happened was she dropped all her defensiveness immediately and said, \"Mom, I don't know what's wrong.\u00a0 I know somewhere inside myself I know that what's happening is wrong, and we keep trying to stop, but we'll go three weeks, and then we can't \u2013 then it will happen again,\" and I said, \"You know what?\u00a0 That's because you don't have God in your life.\u00a0 You need to have God in your life to make that possible.\u00a0 He can help you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And as a result of this, Trip called Kip in to meet with him the next day.\u00a0 It was Father's Day, and he called him into his office, which was somewhere other than our house, and he went through the Bible with him and asked him if he really love Samantha and told him that Samantha would never know if he loved her if he didn't stop and all the biblical reasons why they should stop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is with you guys being Christians for a month or two?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes, we didn't really even know what we were doing, but as a result Samantha and Kip both became Christians, and, yeah, and they've been to the FamilyLife conference, too, three or four times, and they are married today with five children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0One of the other issues you talk about in your book is the subject of modesty.\u00a0 And this is a subject today that a lot of Christian parents need coaching on.\u00a0 They need some advice because the boundaries \u2013 speaking of the boundaries \u2013 seem to be slipping even within the Christian community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 We had to leave a church we were going to because the girls were dressing so immodestly.\u00a0 It's been a big issue for us, because we had four teenage boys in a row, and they struggle with it.\u00a0 I don't think that women really fully appreciate the impact that that kind of dress has on men, because they're wired differently.\u00a0 They don't understand how visual men are.\u00a0 And it's almost unfathomable to me because Samantha \u2013 see, I've raised children in two different generations.\u00a0 A generation ago when Samantha was a teenager, the girls all put t-shirts over their bathing suits, and they didn't do it to hide their fat or anything \u2013 I mean \u2013 they had one-piece bathing suits on, they looked fine, but they would put a t-shirt on if a boy came to the pool because they had this natural feminine modesty that the girls today just don't seem to have.\u00a0 I don't know how we eliminated that in the generation, but we did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There's a wonderful book by Wendy Shalit called \"A Return to Modesty,\" which she wrote when she was in her early 20s really affirming the fact that modesty is a woman's nature state, and bemoaning the fact that we've gotten ourselves into this predicament.\u00a0 I don't know what parents are thinking exactly when they allow their girls to go out dressed like that.\u00a0 I mean, when you see a fireman on the street dressed in a fire outfit, you know he fights fires.\u00a0 And when you see someone in a police outfit, you know he takes care of the community.\u00a0 You judge people by the way they dress.\u00a0 And when girls dress in sexually provocative ways, I don't know why there's a disconnect there, and we don't hold people accountable for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You and Trip have had to decide, as parents, I mean, there's a lot of ambiguity in parenting.\u00a0 Are we going to make this decision?\u00a0 Are we going to decide against this?\u00a0 You've settled on some non-negotiables.\u00a0 At the Curtis home, what are those?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0The non-negotiables are no sex, no drugs, no alcohol.\u00a0 So if it's anything outside of that, we have to think about it.\u00a0 The reason this came up was because my son, Ben, wanted to get his ear pierced when he was 13, and this was some years ago, so it was before that became trendy, especially in Christian circles.\u00a0 I felt strongly that we needed to reserve the \"No's\" for the things that really matter; that if we say no pierced ears and no sex, it kind of lumps it all together.\u00a0 And then on the places where we could give, if it were possible, and we should allow them to make their own decisions and do some things even if we don't like it if it's not going to harm anybody, and it's not against the commandments.\u00a0 So Trip and I decided that we would let Ben get his ear pierced for that reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, these issues, what we called them were \"silver bullet\" issues.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The non-negotiables?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0The non-negotiables.\u00a0 Barbara and I had \u2013 my Barbara \u2013 had some issues like yours where they really weren't up for discussion.\u00a0 We didn't fight over every issue.\u00a0 But I think the key thing is we had hammered them out, we knew where we stood, and we stood together as a couple.\u00a0 I think what happens today, though, in this high-speed culture we live in, a lot of parents never get around to determining what their non-negotiables are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, and what's interesting to me is that the non-negotiables that you've outlined \u2013 no sex, no drugs, no drinking \u2013 all your kids can look at you and say, \"Hey, Mom, when you were my age, you were into all that stuff.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yeah.\u00a0 That's a hard one, and sometimes parents \u2013 there are a lot of parents out there like me, too, who have pasts that they could be ashamed of.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you've been open, your kids know that you were a part of all of that.\u00a0 You've not kept that walled off from them.\u00a0 Do you think that causes them to look at you and say, \"Hey, Mom did this; she turned out okay.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, I have to have some faith and know that they understand what being a new creation in Christ is.\u00a0 Each one of them has made their decision, and although it might not be as dramatic a conversion story, I hope that they understand that they don't need a dramatic conversion story to have a strong and real relationship with Jesus.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you could avoid having a dramatic conversion story, I would say do, by all means, avoid it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Do you talk about the baggage that you and Trip brought into your marriage and even today, probably, have to unpack occasionally?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0You know what?\u00a0 We do have to talk about that a little bit, because I don't think that our marriage is as good \u2013 although there is peace in it, and it's much better, I don't think it's as good as it would be if we didn't have baggage, and if we had been Christians all our lives and if we had only been each other's partner.\u00a0 So we always tell our kids that, because we want them to know that their marriages may be even more happy than Mom's and Dad's.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But the other important thing that we tell them is a piece of baggage, and a thing that many people would be ashamed of, I think, is that I was pregnant when we got married, and that pregnancy \u2013 when I told Trip that I was pregnant, he said, \"Well, we'll get married.\"\u00a0 And we got married in six days.\u00a0 Now, that was one of those places where I, like I said before, I feel that God nudged us a little and took us above what we were capable of, because we could have had an abortion, which both of us had been through before with other people; we could have just lived together; but God wanted us married, and even though we didn't know Him, He nudged us in the right direction, and we got married, and then when we became Christians we could look back and say, \"And as a result we had Joshua, Matthew, and Benjamin, who have Christian names.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So every year on Joshua's birthday, instead of being ashamed, instead of fudging the dates or leaving questions out there about it, we talk about that with our family, and we regard that as an Ebenezer, where this is a memorial, this is a place where we mark that God made a radical change in our lives, and so we say that Josh was like the cornerstone on which the rest of the family would be built and the beginning of this incredible legacy that was started because of the work of Barbara and Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 Because Trip and I were both the first Christians on either side of our family, and we felt strongly that God had us positioned where He wanted us so that we could fulfill the beginning of this new legacy of the Curtis family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, and for listeners who didn't hear us talk about it already this week, the two of you came to faith at a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conference.\u00a0 That's why you looked at Dennis and Barbara as kind of spiritual godparents, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And the message that they heard at that Weekend to Remember conference was that there is a Savior, a Savior who forgives all our sins.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And, Barbara, it's been a real privilege to spend this week with you and to have this time hearing of God's work in your life and to be reminded again that when Jesus Christ and a human being encounter one another, He changes lives, and He does change legacies.\u00a0 I'm smiling at your legacy of how your life is different today because you met Jesus Christ, and I want you to know I'm proud of you for being faithful after you made that decision back in the mid-'80s, and going to that conference.\u00a0 I'm really proud of you and Trip for hanging in there with your 12 kids and for writing and providing all these resources for young moms and parents of teens.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, thanks for passing on the benefit of what God's taught you to others, which is how we're supposed to do it in community, isn't it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, it's amazing how God has used us and brought us into areas that we never knew that we would be.\u00a0 But a friend of mine said it best \u2013 Anne Tyler [ph] \u2013 she said, \"God doesn't need much to work with to accomplish the things He wants to accomplish.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, that's a good word.\u00a0 And I know that he is continuing to do a work both in your lives and through your life as you share what you've learned with others in books like this book, \"Dirty Dancing at the Prom,\" which we've got in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and we're encouraging parents of teenagers to get a copy of this, read through it, so that you can sharpen your own parenting skills and be ready for some of the challenges you're going to face as a parent of a teenager.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In fact, we'd also recommend you get a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey's book, \"Parenting Today's Adolescent,\" which is a fairly comprehensive guidebook for parents of teenagers.\u00a0 You identify 14 traps that teenagers can fall into and what parents can do to help steer their children around those traps.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We have both of these books, again, in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 If you go to our website at FamilyLife.com and click the red button that says \"Go\" in the middle of the screen, that will take you to a page where you can get more information about these resources that are available from us here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 In addition, we have CDs of our conversation with Barbara Curtis this week, and if you'd like to get a copy for yourself or if you'd like to get multiple copies and perhaps share them with other parents you know who could benefit from hearing these programs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, go to our website, and there's more information there about how you can pass along these CDs to others.\u00a0 Again, the website is FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You'll find information there as well about the Weekend to Remember conference, which God used to powerfully in Trip and Barbara's life, and we have a number of these conferences continuing to take place this spring in cities all across the country, including the one that will be taking place in another four or five weeks in Dallas, Texas, where, Dennis, you and your wife Barbara are going to be speaking.\u00a0 I'm going to be speaking there as well, and we're looking forward to folks joining us at the Gaylord Texan Hotel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, there is more information about all of these Weekend to Remember conferences on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 If it's easier for you to call 1-800-FLTODAY you can do that, and we've got folks standing by who can answer any questions you might have about conferences or resources.\u00a0 They can take your order or get you registered for an event over the phone.\u00a0 Again, the number is 1-800-FLTODAY, and we hope you'll give us a call or, again, go to our website at FamilyLife.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When you do get in touch with us, someone may ask you if you'd like to help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We're listener-supported, and we rely on folks just like you to make donations, either from time to time or some of you as Legacy Partners help us with a monthly donation for this ministry.\u00a0 During the month of March, we want to say thank you to any of you who would make a donation of any amount by sending you a set of our Resurrection Eggs, a dozen plastic eggs to help you tell the Easter story to your children.\u00a0 We'd love to send you a set of these eggs as our way of saying thank you for supporting us financially here at FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd maybe you already have a set of Resurrection Eggs, but you may also know someone you'd like to pass a set of these eggs along to.\u00a0 So as you make a donation this month by calling 1-800-FLTODAY simply request a set of these Resurrection Eggs as a thank you gift or, if you're filling out your donation form online, there is a keycode box.\u00a0 You just type the word \"eggs\" in there, and we'll be happy to send you a set of these eggs.\u00a0 Again, it's our way of saying thank you for standing with us financially.\u00a0 We depend on that financial support, and we're thrilled to have you partnering with us, helping us keep the program on in this city and in cities all across the country.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, speaking of Resurrection Eggs, tomorrow we are going to talk about some strategies for sharing the Gospel at Eastertime and some of those strategies do involve Resurrection Eggs.\u00a0 We hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights 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href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/301086","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=301086"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=301086"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=301086"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=301086"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=301086"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=301086"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=301086"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}