{"id":301084,"date":"2006-03-28T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-03-28T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:17","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:17","slug":"a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen\/","title":{"rendered":"A Day in the Life of a High School Teen"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Barbara Curtis tells about the challenges that teens face today in the average American high school.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-03-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.4M","filesize_raw":"11957501","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2855],"tags":[2209,2588],"podcast_series":[7443],"cwp_profile":[9002],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301084","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-teens","tag-parenting","tag-teens","podcast_series-dirty-dancing-at-the-prom","cwp_profile-barbara-curtis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301084\/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301084\/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"Imyeari2LN\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen\/\">A Day in the Life of a High School Teen<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-day-in-the-life-of-a-high-school-teen\/embed\/#?secret=Imyeari2LN\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Day in the Life of a High School Teen&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"Imyeari2LN\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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school.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-03-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0It's kind of like the proverbial frog in the water kind of thing \u2013 coming into high school as a freshman, they would be shocked maybe by seeing gay people making out or the things that were going on.\u00a0 But the upperclassmen were all not concerned with it.\u00a0 But coming in as freshmen, they just wanted to fit in, and so they became unconcerned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, March 28th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll hear today how powerful peer pressure can be to reshape the values of a generation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 You know, how parents get tax credits for children \u2013 you get a tax break for the number of children you have.\u00a0 I'm thinking that parents also ought to get some kind of incentive pay, you know, some kind of hazard duty pay if you're raising teenagers.\u00a0 You know what I mean?\u00a0 I mean, it just feels like you're in a battle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I think if you ask the teenagers, they might as for some pay as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Because where they're living and the culture they're having to grow up in is not an easy culture for them as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0When you were growing up in Kirkwood High School back in St. Louis, Missouri, if you were walking down the hall, what do you remember seeing back then?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, just kind of a normal shuffling between classes, going to your lockers \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You bump into somebody \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Somebody says, \"Excuse me.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I remember that I would typically try to walk a certain route so that I could see certain people, usually girls, on my way to class, but it was pretty innocent stuff back then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0It was.\u00a0 You felt like school was pretty safe?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Didn't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I did.\u00a0 I don't remember feeling like I was in danger there at school.\u00a0 Well, teenagers today, according to the author of a new book called \"Dirty Dancing at the Prom and Other Challenges Christian Teens Face \u2013 How Parents Can Help,\" according to Barbara Curtis, walking down the hall can be a time of feeling unsafe, the very opposite of what you and I described.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Barbara Curtis joins us again, welcome back to FamilyLife Today, Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Thank you very much for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Barbara knows a little bit about parenting teens.\u00a0 She has 12 children ages four to 35, is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0She lives, along with her husband, Trip, in the Washington, D.C. area, so we know that there's a little bit of pressure on her in terms of the pace of life and sheltering her children.\u00a0 But in writing this book, Barbara, you actually did some research that took you to teenagers \u2013 I think you went to Kansas City, Missouri, is that right, to talk to some teens?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes, we kicked off the book with a focus group in Kansas City \u2013 some from public school, some from Christian schools \u2013 to find out what was really going on in their lives.\u00a0 We sat down and talked for about five hours, and then I finished the book, as I finished writing the book, I corresponded with Christian teens all over the country about their experience in school and the kind of pressures they were facing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, when you interviewed these students, some were from public schools and some were from private schools?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Even Christian schools \u2013 so are the kids in Christian schools exempt from some of this behavior?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, they're a little more protected \u2013 and I did interview some home school kids, too, and, of course, they're more protected, but they still deal with the same pressures.\u00a0 Sometimes they can come up at church, it can come up if they have friends who go to public school, and they want to attend the dances there, or any other kind of interaction between the public school and Christian school kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0What you're saying is that ungodly influences in adolescent culture will find a way to your teenager whatever school choice you've made, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's so good, Bob.\u00a0 How'd you do that?\u00a0 That was really good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I'm just sitting here realizing that you do your best as a parent to try to make sure that your kids are safe.\u00a0\u00a0 You don't want them completely isolated, but you also don't want them having to swim through the sludge.\u00a0 But the sludge has found its way to them no matter where they are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We home-schooled, and, you know, home-schooling can forestall some of this upon the younger children but, sooner or later, your kids are going to engage the culture because we live our lives in this culture, and so you have to train them to know how to handle it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Then you'd like to make sure they've reached a maturity level to where, when it comes at them, they've got the maturity to deal with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, both an emotional maturity level and a spiritual maturity level.\u00a0 One of the things I found especially fascinating, because we've raised all six of ours through the teenage years, and I wish I'd read this, frankly, because this would have helped me.\u00a0 But as you observed and listened to these high school students and how they handle the sludge, swimming through the sludge that Bob was talking about, they used a word of how they coped with it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0They themselves used the word \"desensitization\" to describe the process they went through.\u00a0 They took me through it kind of like coming into high school as a freshman, they would be shocked, maybe, by seeing gay people making out or the things that were going on, but the upperclassmen were all just unconcerned with it, and so they became unconcerned.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0It's kind of like the proverbial frog in the water kind of thing, but they just wanted to fit in.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0So what does that tell you as a mom, as you relate to your teens today?\u00a0 Do you need to probe a little bit with some questions, ask how they're processing some of what they're observing at school?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I think the amazing thing to me was that kids were not talking to their parents about what was going on in school.\u00a0 I have several possible reasons.\u00a0 One is that I don't think they want to disrupt things or cause waves.\u00a0 Some might want to protect their parents.\u00a0 One of the phenomena that I found in researching for the book and interviewing people was that a lot of what is driven today is driven because there are two people earning money in the family, so there's not a stay-at-home mom.\u00a0 So the family has very limited amount of time together.\u00a0 That works on both sides \u2013 that they don't want to cause any disruption.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Parents do not want to have confrontations about bad behavior for that reason, because since the time together is so limited, they don't want it disrupted.\u00a0 Maybe kids don't want to bring up subjects that will cause their parents any anguish.\u00a0 They're keeping their lives very compartmentalized \u2013 school in one area, home in one area, church in one area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I think it's really dangerous to allow our kids to do that.\u00a0 I'm reflecting back on a conversation I had with a teenage son at, like, 11:15 at night, and I was about the third stage of anesthesia.\u00a0 I mean, I was on my way out when my son decided he wanted to talk about what he'd observed that day and, I mean, but it wasn't but a millisecond before I was awakened to not only hearing the story of what my son had observed that day at school but in realizing you know what?\u00a0 Even though they look like adults, they're as tall as adults, they're 16, 17, 18 years old, and you begin to think of them moving toward adulthood, they still need a mom and a dad to help them process what they're going through but also to still, at points, at critical points, protect them from a culture that really would abuse them if we allowed it to do so on an ongoing basis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I think parents today dare not withdraw or retract from our children as they face some of these issues.\u00a0 In fact, I think we need to be asking questions \u2013 what are you observing at school?\u00a0 What are you experiencing there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Absolutely, and that's what drove me to write the book was I saw so much of this attitude that people would pour their lives into their kids up until the time they were 13, and then they would kind of step back, like, you know, now it's time for him to make his own decisions.\u00a0 No, it's not.\u00a0 And scientific research itself keeps showing us that the brain does not even become mature until the mid-20s; that even though a teenager can perform well on tests, under any kind of emotional stress, they tend to make bad decisions, and they need us around to help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You do have to adjust how you help, as a parent.\u00a0 You have to move from how you treated them when they were eight to now that they're 16; it's got to be a different relationship.\u00a0 But the point is, you've got to stay engaged and, in fact, we found that it often is more demanding during the teenage years to remain engaged and to remain connected.\u00a0 It was simpler when you just told them \"No, and that's it and go to your room,\" right?\u00a0 When they're 16, that doesn't work the same way it used to work, and you've got to engineer things differently as a parent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And sometimes you have to go some places where your kids don't want you to go.\u00a0 We stayed engaged by going to all of our kids' prom parties.\u00a0 Now, that may sound like you're, you know, you're trying to rain on their party but, frankly, as we arrived there, there were other parents who were at the prom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And the prom, today, I think has become \u2013 well, how can I say this so it's appropriate \u2013 the prom is no longer just a simple, little school dance like it used to be.\u00a0 It's a cultural event usually connected with an all-night event of some kind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And let me just, if I can, because there are some listeners who hear you talk about staying engaged by going to your kids' prom events with them \u2013 there are some parents who are going, \"Why did either of you go to the prom?\u00a0 Why didn't you just tell your kids, 'You're not going to the prom?\u00a0 It's not appropriate for us as Christians.'\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, I went to a prom when I was a kid, so I remember what it was like to go to a prom when I was a kid.\u00a0 I don't know what it's like for our teenagers today to go to proms.\u00a0 So when Barbara and I went, we didn't stay the entire time.\u00a0 We would go, and we would inspect what we had already expected from our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And you made that decision rather than saying \"No prom, you're not going, we're Christians, we don't do that stuff.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And the reason I wrote this book is because some parents are in doubt about how much to be involved in their children's lives and, if so, how to go about it.\u00a0 So I wanted to give parents principles and very practical ideas about how to be engaged with their children in a way that was appropriate for growing adolescents, because you are preparing someone to become independent and to make their own decisions, and there has to be some room for them to make the wrong decisions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Bob, when you were talking about the difference between parenting a child before they become and adolescent and afterwards, I think the one thing I heard from the teens that I communicated with was that they respected that their parents wanted and needed to set limits for them \u2013 help them establish limits for their activities and to help them to avoid temptation, and they actually welcomed their parents' involvement in those things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What seemed to be the most important thing to them, they knew that they needed rules, but they did not like to feel that the rules were arbitrary or just concocted out of hand.\u00a0 They wanted to know the rationale for them.\u00a0 So that was the one thing I learned as a parent, too, especially to keep foremost in my mind in dealing with my teens was that it's not enough to just say \"You can't go there,\" or \"You can't go there because it might be temptation.\"\u00a0 You had to be very specific, you know, \"We care about you,\" and that message of caring and love was very important to be woven into any kind of limit that you were placing on your kids' lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Now, I've had these conversations with my kids, that's the \"Why?\u00a0 I don't understand,\" and there does come a point in that conversation where I've said, \"Listen, I don't think you're going to be able to understand.\u00a0 I've explained it now, and it's obvious that we're just missing each other, and so I don't think it's doing me any good or you any good for me to explain it now the fourth time.\u00a0 You will understand someday.\u00a0 Right now you don't.\u00a0 You're just going to have to trust me on this.\"\u00a0 And it's frustrating for them, and I just feel like you're being arbitrary, and I go, \"I understand, I've tried to explain it.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I do think we ought to be respectful in our relationship with our kids and not simply be parental and autocratic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Lecture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, but, at the same time, there will come a point where you've explained now 15 different ways, and they're not getting it, and they're not getting it because they really don't want to get it because they don't like what the final decision is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yeah, they just don't agree with you.\u00a0 One of the things that we found helpful around a big event like prom, and you need to know, we really blew out prom with our kids and for our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You mean you made a big deal out of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Oh, my goodness, Mom Rainey, Barbara, my Barbara, she just delighted in the evening for our kids.\u00a0 We have a deck that overlooks a lake, and we would turn that deck into a five-star restaurant.\u00a0 We would carry the kitchen table out there, chairs, a rug, a stereo system, a painting, and we only got rained on one time in, I supposed, five or six special prom nights that we went through with all of our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But the thing that helped us in getting the why is we started about a month out because we knew prom was coming, and we started talking about expectations about the entire event, that, as parents, it was an evening when kids could make some very serious choices that would cost them their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And so we began to talk that through with them and talk about the dinner, going to the prom, what's going to happen after the prom, where they're going to spend the night, what friend and how that's going to occur, what's going to happen the next morning, what time they're going to come home, and in the process attempt to do what Bob was talking about, which is explain the whys.\u00a0 And it's less of an emotional issue if you discuss it before the prom is on the horizon.\u00a0 When you try to have this discussion while you're pinning the corsage on your daughter's prom dress or even when you're shopping for the prom dress, you're headed for trouble.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0In fact, I suggest you ought to start this discussion when she's four.\u00a0 That's really the right time to begin.\u00a0 They can understand it when they're four or five, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's exactly right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0And, you know, the other interesting thing about that, Dennis, is that part of what we're doing as parents for our children is we're preparing them to become parents, too.\u00a0 So when we explain the rationale and why we're doing the things we're doing, then it helps them when they become parents to know how to do it, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Now, as a mom, you called yourself a permissive parent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Well, with my first two children, before I became a Christian.\u00a0 When I became a Christian, you know, it was an enlightenment to me about everything, but one of the things was how to properly parent my kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And so you believed in boundaries and began to enforce those boundaries with your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0Yes, I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Do you think that is why Ben, when it came time for him to go to prom, decided he didn't want to go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0I think so, because he had been raised with such values that they made a difference in his life, and he couldn't compartmentalize and say, \"I'm going to be a Christian on Sunday, but I'll go to the prom on Saturday.\"\u00a0 You know, I don't think that Christians should avoid the prom, and I talk about this in my book \u2013 how that's an example of a decision that your teen can make with your input and guidance.\u00a0 Ben had friends who went to the prom.\u00a0 Ben himself didn't go to the prom because he didn't want to take a girl and subject her to seeing the dirty dancing that was going on at the prom.\u00a0 That was his reason.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But we had other Christian friends who did go to prom.\u00a0 There were some bad stories that came out of it.\u00a0 One Christian girl we knew really compromised her values that night.\u00a0 One Christian girl we knew, her date ditched her because she wasn't interested in dirty dancing with him.\u00a0 So there are sad stories, and I'm sure that there are many girls who, the next morning, are pretty sorry for some of the kinds of things that they did under peer pressure or to please their dates.\u00a0 But then there are Christian kids who go and avoid the fray, you know, they stay away from the areas of the dance floor where the dirty dancing is going on.\u00a0 And then in some communities people are coming together and saying, \"Let's do something about this problem.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In our community, the school board, after a delegation of teenagers went to the school board and asked for help in dealing with the problem, so the school dances \u2013 the school board did come up with a policy for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Teenagers went and asked the school board for help?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 There was a delegation of about a dozen teens who went to the school board.\u00a0 The ironic thing was that the school board would not allow them to describe the behavior to them because it was too graphic, and yet the school board was fully aware that the kids were having to look at this behavior at the dances.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But there were a lot of contributing factors.\u00a0 I mean, the lights were off, the type of music that was played, hip-hop music, which lends itself to that, and which is very degrading to women; the passivity of the chaperones; there were some things that really could be addressed and that were addressed when the school board did come out with a policy.\u00a0 In fact, our school board came up with a contract that the kids had to sign before a prom saying that they would stick to the rules of appropriate behavior.\u00a0 And it made a difference in our county with all the schools.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The parents seemed really in the dark about what was going on before I wrote a column in our local paper.\u00a0 That's how this book came to be, by the way, was I wrote a column in our local paper, and then my son's friend, Christian Amundsen [ph], went to the school board with his delegation of teens and it brought about change in our community.\u00a0 Well, people who act as agents of change in the communities don't get thanked for it.\u00a0 We get hit by a lot of rotten tomatoes, and I caused an uproar in the community, and became the bad guy for a few months, and I was telling my editor about this, and she said, \"Oh, well, you should write a book about it.\"\u00a0 I did not want to write a book about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, there's a reason why I really liked your book, because it just reinforced three things that Barbara and I attempted to embrace when we raised our teenagers.\u00a0 One was anticipate the issues before they become an issue.\u00a0 It's back to that principle from the Book of Daniel where he made up his mind in advance what he was going to do before he faced the temptation and helping your teenager come to some convictions, hopefully, their own convictions, about the issue before they face it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0A second thing is relationally to stay connected with your teenager.\u00a0 They desperately need adults in their lives to love on them, hug on them, but not disengage from those temptations when they desperately need adults there to help bring perspective to their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then, third, establish boundaries \u2013 good, clear boundaries that your teen can look at and say, \"You know what?\u00a0 I can feel safe, I can feel secure, because my mom and dad love me enough to establish this boundary.\"\u00a0 Now, talk about rotten tomatoes, parents who establish boundaries aren't always going to be embraced by their teenager.\u00a0 The teenager may throw some rotten tomatoes like what Bob was talking about who is still raising some teenagers.\u00a0 They're not always going to embrace your boundaries but you know what?\u00a0 You have to be the parent.\u00a0 You're not running a popularity contest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara:\u00a0That's true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You have to be the parent, and you have to firmly stand on what you believe is best for your child and then trust God to help them finish the process of growing up so they can make a few failures but so that it won't damage them permanently.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And one of the things that will give you courage in this process is to hear the counsel of other parents to get a copy of a book like the one Barbara has written or to read through the book that you and your wife, Barbara, have written, Dennis, called \"Parenting Today's Adolescent.\"\u00a0 To hear you guys share about what you've done with your teenagers, it will help you to kind of take a deep breath and go, \"Okay, I can do this.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We've got copies of both of your books in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and, I'll tell you, parents who are facing these issues today with their teenagers need all the help they can get.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You can go on our website at FamilyLife.com for more information on how you can order Barbara Curtis's book, \"Dirty Dancing and the Prom.\"\u00a0 The book, \"Parenting Today's Adolescent,\" by Dennis and Barbara Rainey.\u00a0 We have other resources that are available for parents of teens, and if you order both of the books we've talked about today, we'll send you at no additional cost the CD audio of our conversation this week with Barbara Curtis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, get more information by going online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 In the middle of the page, you'll see a red \"Go\" button, and if you click on that button, it will take you right to the page where you can get more information about these books.\u00a0 You can order online, if you'd like, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 Someone on our team will be available to answer any questions you might have about these resources or get these books in the mail to you.\u00a0 Again, the toll-free number is 1-800-FLTODAY, and you'll find us online at FamilyLife.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, in addition to trying to help you as a parent of a teenager, work your way through some of these issues, we want to help you build a spiritual foundation in the lives of your children, and one of the tools that we have found that helps children begin to understand the Easter story, maybe for the first time, is a resource we call \"Resurrection Eggs.\"\u00a0 These are a dozen plastic eggs, each one containing a different symbol that highlights an event that took place in the last week of Christ's life on earth, and it helps you tell the story to children in a way that they can remember it \u2013 about Jesus coming into Jerusalem on a donkey and about the palm branches that were laid down in front of Him, and about His betrayal, His crucifixion, and ultimately His Resurrection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0During the month of March, we are asking FamilyLife Today listeners to consider making a donation of any amount to the ministry of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We are listener-supported, and those donations are critical to keep us on the air in this city and in cities all across the country.\u00a0 And when you do make that donation in March, you can request a set of these Resurrection Eggs.\u00a0 We'd love to send them to you as a way of saying thank you for standing with us financially.\u00a0 You can donate by calling 1-800-FLTODAY and just make sure you mention that you're interested in a set of the Resurrection Eggs as a thank you for your donation.\u00a0 Or go online to make a donation at FamilyLife.com, and as you're filling out the donation form, when you come to the keycode box, just write the word \"eggs\" in there, and we'll know to send you a set of Resurrection Eggs and, again, it's our way of saying thank you for your financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate it, and we're thrilled to be able to be on the air on your community.\u00a0 Thanks for your help in making that happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow Barbara Curtis is going to be back with us, and we're going to continue to look at how we are challenged as parents in this culture to raise children who will embrace biblical values and standards.\u00a0 It's not the popular thing at school, is it?\u00a0 We'll talk more about that tomorrow, I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We will see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a 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