{"id":301068,"date":"2006-03-01T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-03-01T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/healing-the-hidden-wounds\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:16","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:16","slug":"healing-the-hidden-wounds","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/healing-the-hidden-wounds\/","title":{"rendered":"Healing the Hidden Wounds"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Vicki Courtney talks about her teenage years and the secret she kept hidden until after she was married.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-03-01.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.4M","filesize_raw":"11954785","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2906],"tags":[4299,4001],"podcast_series":[7438],"cwp_profile":[8996],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301068","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-becoming-a-christian","tag-faith","tag-women","podcast_series-virtuous-reality","cwp_profile-vicki-courtney","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301068\/healing-the-hidden-wounds","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301068\/healing-the-hidden-wounds","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"PG2XXl1rd3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/healing-the-hidden-wounds\/\">Healing the Hidden Wounds<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/healing-the-hidden-wounds\/embed\/#?secret=PG2XXl1rd3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Healing the Hidden Wounds&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"PG2XXl1rd3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var 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married.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-03-01.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0As a parent, if you're trying to raise your children to embrace biblical values and to live righteously before God, you are going against the flow.\u00a0 Here's Vicky Courtney.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I see this with my own kids, in a culture's mentality that anything goes, and that sex is just natural and you shouldn't be ashamed in this hookup culture that our teens are exposed to through, gosh, everything from the fashion magazines the girls read, to billboards, to the OC on TV, to MTV.\u00a0 I mean, it just goes on.\u00a0 The choices that are out there, we're seeing first-hand the fallout.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0 \u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, March 1.\u00a0 Our host is the President of Family Life, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll hear today one of the reasons why Vicki Courtney is so passionate about this message of virtue for teenage girls.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Thanks for joining us.\u00a0 You know, I love hearing people share their testimony, and nobody has a bad testimony, right?\u00a0 I mean, God's work in anybody's life is a great story to hear, but it's always interesting to hear the Apostle Paul kinds of testimonies.\u00a0 You know, the people who are headed in one direction and God grabs them and shakes them and says, \"Uh-uh,\" do you know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0\"I'm going to take you in another direction.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0And we've got one of those with us today.\u00a0 Vicki Courtney joins us on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Vicki, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Thank you for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Vicki heads up a ministry called Virtuous Reality Ministries, a ministry to moms and daughters all across the country.\u00a0 It's growing like wildfire.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0You're the \"Ya-da Ya-da Lady,\" right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I am, and I've actually had people come up to me in public and say, \"Are you the Ya-da Ya-da Lady?\u00a0 I don't really know how to respond to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0She's written a number of books, speaks around the country, and I guess Vicki, I've read a little bit about your life.\u00a0 You went to the University of Texas, and I'll forgive you as a Razorback from the University of Arkansas for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Thank you, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0But if I had known you coming out of high school going to the University of Texas, how would I have known you as a young lady?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Oh, wow!\u00a0 Well, this is going to date myself here, but it would have been in the early '80s.\u00a0 I was leaving high school as one of the popular crowd, varsity cheerleader.\u00a0 I had been invited throughout the years to maybe some youth functions, church, vacation Bible school, so I had some limited exposure, but really never caught on.\u00a0 I can't really remember -- I remember one occasion where the Gospel was presented clearly on a Young Life ski trip, and one of my friends actually went forward and afterwards I gave her a hard time and said, \"I can't believe you did that; you're going to be so embarrassed you did that.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Did you grow up in a home that was not Christian?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Well, interestingly, my mother was raised in a Southern Baptist home, and my father was raised in a pretty strong Pentecostal home, and for whatever reasons I think they both have shared since that time that they saw a lot of hypocrisy, not necessarily in their home, but in the church at large, and chose not raise their own children in the church.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So, behind the scenes in\u00a0 this part of this tapestry that's being woven of my life, I had these -- I had two pairs of praying grandparents, who really -- and that's part of what I love to share about my testimony, especially to some of your listeners who are grandparents that might be frustrated because they have a prodigal child, or a prodigal grandchild.\u00a0 Just a beautiful part of my story is in high school going off to the University of Texas when I graduated.\u00a0 I grew up in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, went down to Austin, and that's where my mother's parents were located, my grandparents in Austin.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so when I went off to UT, part of my testimony is that my grandparents invited me over once a week for dinner.\u00a0 And, you know, dorm food versus Grandma's home cooking, I took her up on the offer and said, \"Sure,\" and so I didn't make it every week, but in that freshman year, I have great memories of going over to my grandparents' house, having dinner with them.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0In the course of conversation, sure enough, just about every time they would invite me over and over again to their big mega Baptist church there in Austin and say, \"Oh, there's a wonderful college department, and many students from UT.\"\u00a0 I just kind of shrugged it off there the first couple of years that I'd go over for dinner and say, \"Well, you know, that church seems really not for me,\" all the while I'm doing the whole frat party scene --\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yeah, I want to ask you about that.\u00a0 In high school you were one of the popular kids; were you one of the good kids, or were you one of the wild kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Well, actually I was pretty good.\u00a0 I think that by the shear fact that my parents did raise me with values, to try to determine right from wrong.\u00a0 It was more of, you know, \"You know in your gut,\" and that doesn't always work out for the youth of today, we know that.\u00a0 But that kind of kept me in line.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0But when the good girls go off to college, things often change for the good girls, and they start to get a little wild.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0They do.\u00a0 Let me say, too, Bob, that when I say \"good girl,\" that it's a relative term for a girl that was not raised in the church that's not getting the solid, biblical teaching, I would say that most of my high school peers would look back and call me a good girl.\u00a0 I had one steady boyfriend.\u00a0 I did have sex outside of marriage, but as far as promiscuity, drinking, that was not a part of my life in high school.\u00a0 I was afraid to drink too much.\u00a0 Now, college was a whole different scene and, you're right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Did your parents know when you were in high school that you and your boyfriend were sexually active?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I think so.\u00a0 I think so.\u00a0 I don't know why they would not think otherwise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0They never talked to you and said is this going on, or it shouldn't be going on, or it's okay as long as you're using protection; none of that came up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0No, not really.\u00a0 My parents were real busy building their careers, and so I think for all practical purposes, my brother and I were kind of on our own making our own decisions at that point in high school.\u00a0 Part of my testimony is an abortion at the age of 17.\u00a0 So you look at that and you go, \"That's not such a good girl.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Hold it here.\u00a0 Let's go back to this sex outside of marriage and an abortion at 17?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Were your parents a part of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0No, they were not, which, as I look back is strange, because they would have supported -- more than supported the choice that I made at the time.\u00a0 And so it's strange to me even today, I'm not sure why, I guess I didn't feel close enough to them.\u00a0 I was pretty much on my own.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Did you have help from your boyfriend to do that, or did you pull that off on your own?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I was pretty much on my own, although he was in full support of it.\u00a0 He had a very strong Catholic upbringing, and so it was one of those deals where we really -- I had bought into the culture's lie that because it was legal it must be okay, and that was my -- I remember that was my rationale at the time.\u00a0 He actually struggled with it more.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0And so when you had that abortion, was there a moment as that abortion was completed where you were pierced in your conscience?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 And, actually, it's interesting you ask that.\u00a0 It was at that moment where I remember thinking what I have done is very wrong, even though I tried to justify on the front-end that it's legal, so it must be okay.\u00a0 My mother was a feminist of sorts as well, so in the early '80s, there was a lot of talk -- I mean, the pro-choice movement was really, I think, at it's peak, and the women's movement had come along way post Gloria Steinem.\u00a0 So, yes, that was the moment for me where even though I had that flash and that sadness of this is very wrong, I spent the months that followed trying not to think about it, because I didn't know what to do with that thought.\u00a0 It was too late.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Hiding it completely from your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0I'm trying to picture a mom and dad not knowing that their daughter on a Friday afternoon, or however it occurred, slipped out, had a procedure done, and eliminated a human life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0And yet they didn't know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0At 17, and I have a 17-year-old son now.\u00a0 You're right, as you say that, it's absolutely -- it's mind-boggling.\u00a0 You know, another thing that I remember is when the procedure was over in that recovery room where they take you, both my boyfriend and I were weeping.\u00a0 I remember that feeling of if it's not wrong, why would there be tears?\u00a0 Why would there be sadness?\u00a0 And so that was a real indication to me, but there was also, I think, behind our tears, I know for me, I wanted my mom.\u00a0 I remember thinking I'm just a kid; I'm too young for this.\u00a0 I'm too young to scrape up $250, or however much it is, and have somebody call in school saying I'm sick today and arrange all that, and then go do something like that, and then need your mom at the end.\u00a0 I did share with her later.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You know, that ended up being a driving force in me becoming a Christian, because I could not figure out what to do with that guilt and shame that followed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0That's what I was going to ask you.\u00a0 I feel like our country right now is languishing under the weight and the burden of incredible choices.\u00a0 I mean, if there have been 40 million abortions across our country, that means a lot of women are carrying that same shame, that same guilt and burden, and they need the Savior.\u00a0 They need forgiveness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0Well, you know, I spoke to a group of women last summer on the subject of helping women through post-abortive work, and I did some research in the process.\u00a0 Forty-three percent of women under the age of 45 have had an abortion, 30 million women, at least in 2001, had experienced an abortion.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There are scars on the soul of every one of those women.\u00a0 If those scars haven't been healed, then they're open wounds, and you have to wonder how much of the depression, how much of the alcoholism, how much of the phenomenon the people are experiencing as adults and they don't know why they feel so depressed.\u00a0 They don't know why they can't shake this, and part of it's traced back to the fact that they've never healed from that abortion.\u00a0 They've never gone to the cross with it, and the message of the Gospel has never penetrated their heart, and they've never experienced the forgiveness that's essential for that healing to begin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0They've kept the sin hidden from God, so-to-speak, and from other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Yes, and I'd like to just piggyback.\u00a0 You're absolutely right in saying that in those years and after I did become a Christian, it was not an instantaneous, \"Oh, thank you, Lord; I found the forgiveness I've been seeking.\"\u00a0 It too many, many years thereafter because, in the church I think at that time it was very hush-hush.\u00a0 There was still a high level of shame.\u00a0 I still see it today, and that part of my past is, again, a huge variable in why I do what I do.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0You hit the nail on the head earlier when you said the choices that are out there that face our youth today.\u00a0 I see this with my own kids, and the culture's mentality that anything goes, and that sex is just natural and you shouldn't be ashamed, and this hookup culture that our teens are exposed to through, gosh, everything from the fashion magazines that girls read, to billboards, to the OC on TV, to MTV.\u00a0 I mean, it just goes on and on.\u00a0 A lot of what we do is address the mother as well.\u00a0 And, Bob, what you said, and you hit on a lot of -- I mean, there are a lot of walking wounded out there among our women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I heard the statistic -- and I don't know if it's still accurate -- I believe came from Crisis Pregnancy Center, that on any given Sunday in any given church, 1 in 3 women, I believe, between the ages of, I think it was 15 and 50, has had an abortion.\u00a0 That's one-third of our women sitting in any church pew on Sunday mornings.\u00a0 So, there are a lot of us that did and have tried to stuff it deep down, and so a lot of what we do, because moms are welcome at our events, is dealing with some of that as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Do you remember, Vicki, the day you let somebody into your shame?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Oh, absolutely.\u00a0 I would say the first time that I really told someone and quit playing that denial game was three months into my marriage, interestingly enough.\u00a0 Let me tell you a little bit about my husband, first of all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0When I did become a Christian at the age of 21 -- and, again, the guilt from that abortion, as well as poor choices made in the college years that followed those high school years, drove me to the cross of Christ.\u00a0 I met at the very event where I became a Christian, my future husband.\u00a0 I often refer or describe his family as it was the typical kind of June and Ward Cleaver were his parents.\u00a0 I married the Beav.\u00a0 I mean, this guy, he was squeaky clean.\u00a0 In fact, I'd say, \"What was on your sin list?\u00a0 I mean, running in the hallways in fifth grade?\u00a0 Did you chew gum in class?\"\u00a0 I mean, squeaky clean, 3.96, valedictorian, chemical engineering UT.\u00a0 I mean nerdy, cute, very cute, but saved himself for a quarter of a century.\u00a0 Now, he knew once we began to date that I had not saved myself for marriage.\u00a0 Of course, he knew my testimony of coming to Christ.\u00a0 He was at that event at the age of 21, and there were a lot of things probably prior that shook down in those years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0 \u00a0Your sin list was a little longer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0A little longer than chewing gum in class and running in the hallways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0And so, but I really felt so much -- I had him on such a high pedestal, and when we married, I just -- and even during our engagement, I remember thinking this was the catch of the century, even in our little college group there at my mega Baptist church.\u00a0 Everybody wanted to marry this guy.\u00a0 I never felt like I was worthy of him or deserving of him.\u00a0 So, a good three months into our marriage, I really just had a meltdown.\u00a0 One night through tears told him, \"There is something else that I have to tell you about my past.\"\u00a0 I want you to know, too, that it's important that he had freed me up from that in the sense that in our engagement, we went through, I think, some of the FamilyLife -- we did the FamilyLife Marriage Weekend.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0And I remember that being one of those times where I remember wanting to seek out an older woman -- isn't that interesting -- at the event, and share the secret then, because we were engaged, but I knew that older woman would tell me to tell my fianc\u00e9.\u00a0 And so I didn't like that answer that I knew I'd probably get, and so --\u00a0 I forgot you guys were behind that stuff, and thank you.\u00a0 Thank you, Dennis for that ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0I'm glad you came as an engaged couple.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0My in-laws paid for us to go, and I have great memories of my husband and I going to that weekend, and that being one of those weekends where I remember crying a lot as we were writing our notes to each other.\u00a0 I was harboring that secret, and I do remember thinking \"I've got to find someone on staff.\u00a0 I am going to have a meltdown here.\"\u00a0 Well, the meltdown came three months later in my marriage.\u00a0 I remember even referring -- or that evening telling my husband, \"I wanted so desperately to tell you this in a letter at that FamilyLife weekend, and I couldn't, because I was afraid you would not marry me, that you would not go through this wedding, but I have something that I need to tell you.\"\u00a0 Of course, by then, he's, \"Oh, my goodness, what is it?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Were you sobbing at the time you were admitting this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Oh, I was.\u00a0 I was so broken.\u00a0 I felt like I deceived him.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I felt like maybe he was supposed to marry someone else and had I told him and done the right and noble thing in the engagement, that he could have found that girl that was pure and saved herself, also, for marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0And you still had never told a soul.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0No.\u00a0 I think maybe a couple of my friends in high school that were in on it, that had also had them.\u00a0 You remember, did I refer to myself as a good girl?\u00a0 Some of the good girls -- we were known as being the good girls -- this was the secret that we harbored, that had the long-term boyfriends, and such a shame.\u00a0 You're so right when you refer to the walking wounded out there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0What forced the issue for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I don't really remember.\u00a0 I know -- you have to remember, too, that I was 23 when I was married.\u00a0 I became a Christian at 21-1\/2.\u00a0 I was still a fairly new believer.\u00a0 I know that over those probably years, I was hearing for the first time the church's stand against abortion.\u00a0 We were, I think, as Christians quick to say, well, that's murder.\u00a0 I remember one person, one woman even saying at my church, \"I just think that every woman who has had an abortion should be locked up in prison.\"\u00a0 When things like that are said, that just emphasizes to you that I must never, ever let anyone know that I'm that woman.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0Vicki, you had to feel like you were about unpack a box with your husband that --\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Great analogy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0-- he wasn't counting on --\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0And he didn't deserve.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0I don't want to put words in your mouth, but it seems like you're describing a love from him that gave you the security to be able to unpack that box.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0I got goose bumps when you said that.\u00a0 I know it was.\u00a0 I know it felt safe.\u00a0 I knew even in our engagement after that FamilyLife weekend, where it kind of came to a head, I had successfully stuffed it, or I thought I had, all those years.\u00a0 I knew even at that weekend and our engagement that I would tell him.\u00a0 That's what I resolved with the Lord, that I would tell him.\u00a0 And so his response when I told him was absolutely beautiful and what you'd expect of a godly young man.\u00a0 I just remember he started crying, and he leaned over immediately and just hugged me tight and said, \"I don't judge you for that, and I'm not angry at you for not telling me even prior to our marriage.\"\u00a0 He even said, \"I'm sad that you have to hurt by yourself on that.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I wish I could tell you that at the time that we had taken the next step in getting some help, but we didn't.\u00a0 Even though I told my husband, even though he'd wrapped his arms around me and said all the right things, \"You're forgiven,\" \"I love you,\" \"I don't judge you for this,\" \"I'm not sorry that I married you,\" \"I know you're the one for me,\" he said all those things.\u00a0 Because I buried it and he allowed it to be buried, and we didn't bring it up after that, it was not the healing that needed to take place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0The wound got a bandage, but nobody ever came back to attend to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0Great analogy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0And so the healing never really happened until later, when somebody went in and said this has got to be attended to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0And, Bob and Dennis, what you need to know, too, for the woman who has had an abortion, even though -- for that Christian woman that we read God's word and we know that no sin is too great for the forgiveness of Christ -- that doesn't mean that we stop thinking about that decision.\u00a0 Do you know that even a couple of days ago out of nowhere it popped into my mind that, wow, this is when that child would have been born.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0I think your life, as you've shared this story, is a picture of, really, a lot of women in our country, and they carry shame and guilt even to this day because they've hidden their guilt from God, they think, and from their spouse or from a family member.\u00a0 But God pursues us.\u00a0 He pursues us to remove that shame, lift off that guilt, that burden, because he became a person to communicate his love for us.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0There is a passage of scripture that says \"Without the shedding of blood, there can be no remission of sin.\"\u00a0 It was the picture of the Old Testament priest walking in to make a sacrifice on behalf of the people's sin.\u00a0 Well, Jesus became your sacrifice.\u00a0 If we're talking to just a single woman right now who needs to receive that sacrifice, the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, and you do that by faith.\u00a0 It's a choice of life-changing proportions, because his forgiveness may take a while for it to sink in --\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVicki: \u00a0That's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis: \u00a0-- like Vicki has said here, but I would encourage you right now, before this day is over, kneel by your bed, kneel in your kitchen, in your office, wherever you may find yourself, pull off to the side of the road, and take God at his word.\u00a0 He loves you so much that he did send his Son to become sin on our behalf, that we might experience his goodness, that we might be clothed in that forgiveness and in God's perfect character.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob: \u00a0Well, and if the statistics that we've seen are accurate, there are undoubtedly tens of thousands of women who are listening to today's program who are either numb or they are in tears at this point because they have never opened this issue up and allowed the light of the scripture to shine into the darkness of this experience.\u00a0 If that's the case for you, I want to encourage you to go to our website at <u>familylife.com<\/u>.\u00a0 Click in the center of the screen where it says \"Today's Broadcast,\" and that will take you to a page where you'll find information about resources that are available.\u00a0 Sydna Masse's book called <em>Her Choice to Heal.<\/em> There are also links on our website that will suggest resources that can help you, but it's time to open this issue up and find some friends who can help walk you to a place where you can address this issue and experience the healing and the forgiveness of God.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you know Christ, he has forgiven you, and he wants you to know the experience of that forgiveness in your own life.\u00a0 Again, go to our website, <u>familylife.<\/u>com, click where it says \"Today's Broadcast,\" and you'll find more information to help on this subject available there.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We also have information about some of the resources that Vicki has put together for teenage girls and for their moms, including the magazine <em>Teen Virtue,<\/em> that has been designed for teenage girls, and a book for moms called <em>Your Girl.<\/em>\u00a0 There's a journal you put together for girls to go through.\u00a0 Again, more information on all of these resources on our website at <u>familylife.com<\/u>, or give us a call at 1-800-F as in Family, L as in Life, and then the word TODAY.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Let me say a quick word of thanks to those folks who help support the ministry of FamilyLife Today by praying for us, by telling others about what you've heard on our program and inviting them to tune in and listen, and by helping with the financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We are listener supported and we appreciate those listeners.\u00a0 About 1 in 20 of you has actually made a donation to the ministry of FamilyLife Today and we're thankful for your partnership.\u00a0 If you'd like to donate to FamilyLife Today, you can do that online at <u>familylife.com<\/u>, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY, and make a donation over the phone.\u00a0 We'll look forward to hearing from you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Tomorrow, Vicky Courtney is going to be back with us, and we want to find out about what happened when you went away to college, and about the revolution that took place in your life during your college years.\u00a0 I hope our listeners can be back with us for that .\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 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