{"id":301049,"date":"2006-01-20T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2006-01-20T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/exercising-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:42:15","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:42:15","slug":"exercising-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/exercising-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Exercising Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. George Kenworthy tells couples how to exercise their marriages by taking God at His word.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-01-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.4M","filesize_raw":"11958128","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810],"tags":[4299,2877,2229],"podcast_series":[7428],"cwp_profile":[8985],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-301049","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","tag-faith","tag-marriage","tag-praying-together","podcast_series-marriage-makeover","cwp_profile-dr-george-kenworthy","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/301049\/exercising-your-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/301049\/exercising-your-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"0IOMMGdCRV\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/exercising-your-marriage\/\">Exercising Your Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/exercising-your-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=0IOMMGdCRV\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Exercising Your Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"0IOMMGdCRV\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dr. George Kenworthy tells couples how to exercise their marriages by taking God at His word.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2006-01-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrainer:\u00a0Oh, hey, Bob, how are the exercises coming?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Oh, man, this workout routine you've got me on \u2013 it's killing me, man.\u00a0 I can't do this much.\u00a0 I mean, the strength you need to do this stuff \u2013 it's unrealistic, that's all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrainer:\u00a0Bob, don't wimp out on me now, buddy.\u00a0 That's why you asked me to be your personal communication trainer, right?\u00a0 You wanted to get into shape.\u00a0 So let's try it together, okay?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0All right.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrainer:\u00a0Let's try this \u2013 your wife comes home \u2013 ready, go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0[groaning like he's exercising] Ohhhhh, hello, honey \u2013 yyyoouuu look great.\u00a0 You look \u2013\u2013 ohhhhhh\u2013 I can't do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrainer:\u00a0All right, let me show you one time, and then you can do some repetitions, okay?\u00a0 I know it takes intense training.\u00a0 Okay, move over there a little bit \u2013 \"Hello, honey, you look great.\u00a0 Is that a new dress?\u00a0 I love your hairstyle today.\u00a0 I'm excited to stay home with you tonight so that we can talk about the kids and their schoolwork.\u00a0 Can I help you with the groceries?\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0You're amazing.\u00a0 I didn't know that was humanly possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrainer:\u00a0We'll, you'll be in shape soon enough.\u00a0 Just keep trying.\u00a0 Okay?\u00a0 Ten repetitions \u2013 go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMan:\u00a0Hello, honey, you look great.\u00a0 Is that a new dress?\u00a0 I am excited to stay home tonight so I can wwaaatcch the ballgame.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTrainer:\u00a0Ohhhh.\u00a0 Maybe we need to start with something a little easier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 Dennis?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Bob, you're a bit of a body builder.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I do not even want to know where this is going \u2013 I'm a bit of a body builder?\u00a0 Well, let me just say this \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You walk up the steps to get to your office, don't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0My own temple has been expanding.\u00a0 I've been building my body, and we just put on an addition, as a matter of fact.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, I was going to ask you, as a bodybuilder, what you do if you have a weak muscle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0If you have a weak muscle, I think just take the week off.\u00a0 That's exactly what I would do.\u00a0 Why strain it any more?\u00a0 Is my general philosophy.\u00a0 You know, it's weak, it just needs rest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Okay, in all seriousness, if you have a weak muscle, we all know you exercise it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0That's right, you've got to work it out a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You put a little weight against the muscle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0A little tension against the muscle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's right, and even though it doesn't kind of make sense that if you have something weak, you force it to exercise.\u00a0 But that keeps it from \u2013 what's the word \u2013 atrophy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Atrophy, that's right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0From shriveling and becoming even weaker.\u00a0 Okay, now, if that's what you do for a weak muscle, what do you do for a weak marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, if you follow the example, you work it out, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I would think it would be something like that.\u00a0 Let's ask our guest on our program today \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Kind of a marriage kinesiologist, isn't he?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I think he's a bodybuilder.\u00a0 He's a pastor.\u00a0 Get it?\u00a0 Bodybuilder?\u00a0 There you go, I wanted to make sure that one didn't go over your head.\u00a0 Anyway, Dr. George Kenworthy joins us on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 George, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0It's good to be back again, Dennis, and it's always great to be around people who are interested in building the body.\u00a0 You guys have been working hard at that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And if you're going to build the body, you really have to build marriages.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And you've written a book called \"Marriage Makeover \u2013 Minor Touchups to Major Renovations,\" or it could be subtitled \"How to Take a Marriage That Needs to Get Stronger and Make it Truly Strong,\" or \"How to Take a Weak Marriage and Strengthen It.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Or you could say [mimicking Arnold Schwarzenegger] \"If you are soft and flabby in your marriage, we want to pump you up.\"\u00a0 How's that, huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I'm looking on the back here, did he endorse this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0No, there's nothing there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I don't think he did.\u00a0 Anyway, George and his wife Joan have been married since 1969.\u00a0 They have three children and, George, you really do believe that there is a very simple solution if your marriage is weak \u2013 something that we all need to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0Yes, there is.\u00a0 I think what we need to do is take God at His word, what He says we need to do, and then to trust that God is a great, big, powerful God who desires to intervene in our lives still today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But you know there are some folks who, using this example, would say, \"Well, my martial muscle isn't weak, my marital muscle is torn, it's broken, it's ripped into \u2013 I don't think there's any hope left for my marriage.\u00a0 I think it's time to just pronounce a benediction and move on and start over.\"\u00a0 You've had couples come into your office who are at that point.\u00a0 In fact, it's interesting to me that they'd even come to your office, because they're pretty much saying, \"This is what we think.\u00a0 Will you give us your blessing so that we can get on with our lives,\" right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 There's a story that is not in the book.\u00a0 We originally thought we would have it in the book, but then it's for the next book, I guess.\u00a0 But this story of a gal who was in a Greek New Testament class that I was teaching.\u00a0 So she's studying the Greek New Testament with me with a group of other individuals and, at the same time, struggling in her marriage.\u00a0 And I knew that, so I said, \"Barb, if there's a point at which I might be able to be helpful to you, I'd love to do that.\u00a0 I care about you.\"\u00a0 And she said, \"Well, George, I don't need that right now because my husband and I are seeing other counselors.\u00a0 I have mine, and he has his.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, after about six months of their seeing the counselors, I think it was a Sunday afternoon, I got a frantic phone call from her, and she said, \"George, can you come over?\"\u00a0 I said, \"I'll be there.\"\u00a0 So I came by the house and discovered that she had just learned that her husband was having an affair, and she didn't know what to do and, of course, he is the man with the hand caught in the cookie jar, and that's probably a weak illustration for what the case was, but guilt was all over his face and so on and, again, I made the offer.\u00a0 And now he really felt trapped and said, \"Okay, we'll come in to see you.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So the first session where they came in, I looked at him and said, \"So tell me\" \u2013 we'll call him Jack \u2013 \"what's the problem in your marriage?\"\u00a0 And he said, \"The problem is, George, I don't love Barb anymore.\u00a0 I don't think I've ever loved Barb, and I'm in love with another woman.\u00a0 The other woman is far more attractive than Barb, she's a much better communicator than Barb.\u00a0 The fact is, I'm a doctor, and she is a nurse, and Barb's been involved in a whole other profession, and we can't relate to one another.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And now, with Barb sitting at his side, he said this \u2013 \"The other woman is a lot better in bed than Barb.\"\u00a0 And you could just watch his wife squirming as he was saying that, and my heart was breaking, and I'm beginning to think, \"Okay, George.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What did she do, seriously?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0She just sat there.\u00a0 She sat there.\u00a0 She didn't do or say anything at that point.\u00a0 And I looked at them and, of course, some of your listeners might say, \"Well, now I really know you're nuts,\" but I repeated the same three questions that I ask of every couple.\u00a0 I said, \"Jack, tell me, do you believe that there is a God?\"\u00a0 He said, \"Sure, George, I believe that there is a God.\"\u00a0 And \"Are you willing to apply the principles of God's Word to your life and to your marriage?\"\u00a0 And he said, \"Well, now, George, I don't know if you've heard me.\u00a0 I can do that, but I don't love Barb anymore, I'm not sure I ever did.\u00a0 I'm in love with this other woman.\"\u00a0 I said, \"That's all right.\u00a0 I know the pain that's part of that.\u00a0 I just want to know will you answer the question?\u00a0 Would you be willing to apply the principles of God's Word to your life and to your marriage?\"\u00a0 He said, \"Well, yeah, I think so.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then I said, \"Jack, will you pray that the spirit of God give you the strength and the energy that you don't have in and of yourself to accomplish this marriage makeover?\"\u00a0 And he said, \"Well, yeah, I could probably do that.\"\u00a0 But he said, \"Now, George, before we continue, you need to know this \u2013 my wife and I have been to two marriage counselors\" in the city where we all lived at that point, \"and the last marriage counselor is a Ph.D. and a Christian, and I asked him this question \u2013 how do you know when your marriage is dead?\"\u00a0 And he answered, \"You'll know it's dead when it's dead.\"\u00a0 And then Jack looked right back at me and said, \"George, I think my marriage is pretty dead.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, of course, as a believer, knowing I don't know everything that God knows, either you turn a little bit at that point, but then I believe what I think is true, that God can do a marriage makeover for anyone.\u00a0 So we started.\u00a0 And we began applying the principles that are listed in the book \u2013 the one things that are in each chapter they begin to do.\u00a0 He still was seeing the other woman for a period of this time, and then God got hold of his heart, and God did a miracle for this couple.\u00a0 And as they talked \u2013 this was now 12 years or so ago \u2013 they talk today about their marriage, they now can communicate love to one another in ways they never could before, they've become one another's best friends, and both of them will say they have a much better relationship today than they ever thought was imaginable, certainly better than they ever thought they had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0From what you're saying, it sounds like when he first showed up, Jack really wasn't all that interested in a marriage makeover.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0No, he wasn't.\u00a0 He didn't think there was any hope for a marriage makeover for him, and he was sure that when he told me what the psychologist had said, that I would give up with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0George, you mentioned, as you were talking about their story, that at the end of each of your chapters, you have the one thing \u2013 I'm holding a finger up \u2013 the one thing they need to do as an application point of what they've been reading about in each of thee chapters.\u00a0 Can you give us an illustration of what that looks like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 Years ago, one of the one things, it was a communication date, and I prayed about what kind of communication date couples should do and, of course, the couples I see tend to be like these that I have been describing.\u00a0 So I had a professor in one of the seminaries that I attended who gave a sheet that he thought would be helpful for couples who wanted to work on their marriages.\u00a0 The title of the sheet was \"Irritating Listening Habits.\"\u00a0 And what you're supposed to do is identifying the irritating listening habits of your spouse.\u00a0 That was one resource I had, and with my couples, I realized that is not going to work because these people know all the irritating things, and for me to help them identify more points of irritation was not the way to go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I came before the Lord and said, \"Lord, give me something that I can use for these couples.\"\u00a0 So the design was that \u2013 there's three steps in the process.\u00a0 The first step in the process is for the husband and\/or wife, whoever starts, to say, \"I felt your love for me this last week when\" \u2013 now, already, couples like Jack and Barbara might stop me and say, \"Well, I don't even love my spouse.\"\u00a0 And I would say, \"Okay, well, that's all right.\u00a0 But if your spouse were to do something that you like this next week, what would be the kind of thing that your spouse could do that you'd say, 'Well, if they did that, I would like it,'\" you know, short of moving out, which, if we're trying to save their marriage isn't the best thing to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So we identified those things that their spouse can do that they would like, and I may sit down with a husband and wife and say, \"Now, if your wife says if you did this, she'd like it, so, Dennis, would you be willing to try that this week?\"\u00a0 And I get a commitment from him.\u00a0 It's either yes or now.\u00a0 I'll do it or I won't do it.\u00a0 And then we make it as measurable as we can and do the same thing with the wife.\u00a0 Give me something specific and measurable that you can do that your spouse would like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0What we're trying to get at is create loving acts that will then convince me, \"I think my partner is trying, at least, to love me.\"\u00a0 So we identify those sorts of things and then we hold them accountable for it the next week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What you're talking about there is finding out what your spouse needs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And then moving to meet those needs.\u00a0 I was recently leading a Bible study with a group of men, and I gave them an application out of my Bible study for the week about loving your wife, and I said, \"Okay, guys, I want each of you to go home and ask your wife right now what her top three needs are.\u00a0 Now, frankly, I don't think that's real profound.\u00a0 Barbara and I have talked about that a number of times.\u00a0 But what's profound for me and what's profound to a man who has never thought about asking that question of his wife is different.\u00a0 And those men started coming back to me saying, \"Man, that was revolutionary.\u00a0 I have never even thought about asking my wife to tell me what her top three needs are.\u00a0 I can't wait to ask her.\u00a0 I can't wait to do it.\"\u00a0 And a lot of time \u2013 this is what you're saying, George, and I want to make sure our listeners hear this \u2013 a lot of times it's a simple question that's turned toward the positive that enables couples, husbands and wives, to just to begin to relate over something other than a negative, over something in the ditch, the irritations, how we communicate or what we say that irritates the other person.\u00a0 Instead we talk about what are those things that are going right?\u00a0 How can we love one another better?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, I want to make sure our listeners understand, as you talk about these communication exercises or about these one things that you encourage folks to do \u2013 the power to transform a marriage is not in the exercise.\u00a0 That's really just the first part of what you do on this communication date, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0Yes, yes, it is.\u00a0 There are two other parts to the communication date.\u00a0 So the first part then is we'd ask the question, \"How do you feel loved by your spouse in the last week?\"\u00a0 And there are a lot of dynamics that happen with that that I'm looking for.\u00a0 I'm looking for when a husband says to his wife, \"Sweetheart, I felt your love,\" if you use the word \"sweetheart,\" or \"I felt your love for me this last week when\" \u2013 it feels good, as a spouse, getting some \"atta boys\" and \"atta girls.\"\u00a0 It's different than the irritating listening habits, so it's good to see that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The second thing I'm look for is a little bit of behavioral conditioning.\u00a0 If a husband says, \"You know, I really appreciated this last week when you gave me that back rub.\"\u00a0 And that's the kind of thing I hear.\u00a0 You know, \"You made me the pie, you iron my shirts,\" it's little things that I hear in these sessions.\u00a0 But what's going to happen is that for the wife that really wants their marriage to work, she's probably going to bake another pie next week, or she's going to give another backrub or rub his feet or whatever it is.\u00a0 And so she's going to start loving him in a way that he knows is her effort to love him.\u00a0 So now it's undeniable.\u00a0 He can't be saying, \"My wife isn't doing anything to show her love for me,\" because we've identified what are those action steps that if she does are steps of love.\u00a0 So that's important because so many of the couples I see would argue their husband or wife doesn't love them at all, and now at least we can say, \"Well, they're doing this,\" so they're trying.\u00a0 They're trying to speak your love language, they're doing these acts of love.\u00a0 So, anyway, that's the first step.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0The second part of the process is that I ask them to share with one another ways in which they believe they need to improve.\u00a0 One of the challenges that I face with couples is that usually a husband can say, \"My wife's got all these problems.\u00a0 I know she needs to improve, and she's got all these weaknesses,\" and it may be hard for him to identify his own.\u00a0 Or for the wife to be able to say, \"You know, my husband is this big jerk.\u00a0 He's got all these problems, but it's hard for her to identify her own.\"\u00a0 Or it's just there's a complete communication breakdown, and there's no sharing of any needs or weaknesses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And so what I ask them to do, starting with the husband usually, is I want you to share with your wife some area of need.\u00a0 Normally, I caution them, especially in these difficult marriages, don't talk about your needs to have a wife that's more loving.\u00a0 You can't use your wife's name, you can't talk about her, but maybe there's somebody at work that is just driving you nuts, and so you say, \"I want you to pray for me because Jim is just driving me nuts at work.\"\u00a0 Or maybe it's your own walk with God.\u00a0 You're in a dry period, and so you tell your wife, \"Pray for me, because I'm in a dry period spiritually, and I know I'm not where God wants me to be,\" so whatever it is, you share honestly about where you are, and then the wife will do the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then also in this step, after week 1 or week 2 when they've been sharing this, and we've been praying that God show up, they share the victory.\u00a0 \"Well, you know, I asked you to pray about my relationship with Jim at work, and God answered in this way.\u00a0 I heard a song, I read Scripture, someone talked to me, and it's so much better.\u00a0 Thank you for praying.\"\u00a0 Now, we do that so that we can monitor that there is growth.\u00a0 The couples that I see, if they are convinced they're going to stay stuck in the same spot all the time, well, then, it's hopeless.\u00a0 But if we can measure the growth by virtue of our growing in Christ, well, then, we can say, \"Well, we're on the right track here.\"\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then, of course, the third part of the exercise is they pray.\u00a0 They thank God for the ways in which they've been able to show love and receive love from one another, and then they pray for one another's weak areas that they've identified, they thank God for the ways in which they've experienced growth, and then just take that all before the Lord, praising Him for what God is doing in their marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You know, I think it's important for our listeners, as we've talked through this exercise, to understand that the transforming power for a couple's relationship is not in that exercise.\u00a0 The transforming power is the power of the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 But as couples participate \u2013 it's kind of back to what you were talking about, Dennis \u2013 you go to the gym, you get on a few of the machines, you do a few of the reps, and all of a sudden things start to happen.\u00a0 You go through some of these workouts that you're calling couples to, and at some point in the middle of that faithfulness, that obedience, the Holy Spirit shows up and says, \"I'm going to do something here,\" and things change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I want to make two points very clear here.\u00a0 First of all, if you're going to take that weak marriage and exercise the muscle, like Bob was just talking about, there is something that is almost scientifically provable.\u00a0 Well, it happens every time you take a muscle that hasn't been exercised in a long period of time, what happens?\u00a0 There is soreness 24 hours later because of lactic acid.\u00a0 I don't know what lactic acid is, but I know what it feels like when I haven't been exercising.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So as you exercise your marriage, beware.\u00a0 There can be some soreness as you press into some areas that maybe you're not \u2013 well, you're not used to flexing the muscles in.\u00a0 God designed marriages and bodies to grow.\u00a0 Ephesians, chapter 4, talks about how we are to grow up in Christ.\u00a0 He is the source of growth, we're to learn how to care for one another, and that's really what Dr. Kenworthy has been talking about here all this week and in his book, \"Marriage Makeover.\"\u00a0 He's really talking about how to equip couples with practical tools to turn their heart's desire into a reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And, George, I appreciate your work as a pastor and just am thrilled you've been here on FamilyLife Today with us, and I just hope that, literally, tens of thousands of couples get into this and turn some strong marriages into truly stronger ones and perhaps take some weaker marriages and turn them into strong ones.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0That's my prayer, too, Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And I know already there are folks \u2013 you've heard about some of these folks who are getting copies of your book not just for themselves, but they know couples who are in a difficult situation, and they're passing out copies to their friends, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGeorge:\u00a0And elder in my congregation just came to me a couple of weeks ago, said that there was someone that he knew that we struggling in their marriage.\u00a0 This couple had come to the point where they couldn't talk to one another anymore.\u00a0 This elder who wanted to help them didn't know what to do, and so he gave the guy a copy of the book.\u00a0 The guy read the book and then decided \"My wife needs to read this,\" and they weren't even talking with one another.\u00a0 But he got a copy for his wife to read.\u00a0 She read the book.\u00a0 God touched her heart as she read the book, and that couple, that are not a churchgoing couple, got together and have been meeting since then, praying together every day that God would touch them, and then they met with this elder and said, \"I think we're ready to do something.\"\u00a0 He said, \"Well, now, what you need to do is to go someplace where you can get counseling like what's in this book,\" and so they made appointments, and they're now seeing counselors at our church that use the methods that are described in the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, we've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and if anyone is interested in getting a copy, they can go to our website at FamilyLife.com and click where it says \"Today's Broadcast.\"\u00a0 You'll find more information about all of the resources that are available from us here at FamilyLife, designed to help strengthen marriages, and it may be that some of our listeners would want to get copies of our conversation this week on this subject with Dr. Kenworthy and pass that along.\u00a0 In fact, if you'd like to multiple copies of the CD, you can order that and pass them on to friends who you know who are struggling in their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0If you order a copy of Dr. Kenworthy's book along with a 30-day devotional from Dennis and Barbara Rainey called \"Moments Together for Growing Closer to God,\" we'll send you an audio CD with this week's conversation at no additional cost.\u00a0 Again, get all the information about that on our website at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 And while you're there, get information about the upcoming season of Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences.\u00a0 We're going to be hosting these conferences in cities all across the country this spring.\u00a0 There is one coming to a city near where you live, and you and your spouse would have a great weekend together if you could get away for one of these conferences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Again, get more information online at FamilyLife.com or give us a call at 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and someone on our team can help you with additional information about resources or about upcoming conferences.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Speaking of resources, last year we had a number of listeners who contacted us requesting a resource \u2013 a two-CD set that we have in FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 It features a conversation with Dr. Emerson Eggerich who wrote the book \"Love and Respect.\"\u00a0 And as we aired that interview last year, many listeners contacted us.\u00a0 They wanted to get copies for themselves or copies to pass along to others, and between now and the end of January, we want to make that two-CD series available to any of our listeners who can help us with a donation of any amount for the ministry of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0We are listener-supported, and those donations are what help keep us on the air in this city and in cities all across the country, and we'd like to say thank you for partnering with us by sending out these CDs with Dr. Eggerich.\u00a0 As you fill out a donation form online, when you get to the keycode box, what you need to do is write in either the word \"love,\" or the word \"respect.\"\u00a0 Either word will work, it will let us know that you'd like the CDs sent as a thank you gift for your donation.\u00a0 Or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY and make a donation over the phone and just mention you'd like the CDs, and we'll get those out to you as well.\u00a0 And let me say thanks in advance for you financial support of this ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate you standing with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, I hope you have a great weekend.\u00a0 I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend, and I hope you can be back with us on Monday when George Barna is going to join us.\u00a0 We're going to hear some thoughts he has about a missed opportunity that the church needs to step up and address.\u00a0 We'll talk about that Monday.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Have a great weekend, and we'll see you Monday for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts for you. 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