{"id":300828,"date":"2005-02-16T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2005-02-16T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-power-of-one\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:59","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:59","slug":"the-power-of-one","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-of-one\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of One"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Gary Smalley, explains &#8220;the power of one.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2005-02-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.41M","filesize_raw":"11966279","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822],"tags":[4388],"podcast_series":[7356],"cwp_profile":[8938],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300828","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","tag-relationships","podcast_series-the-dna-of-relationships","cwp_profile-gary-smalley","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300828\/the-power-of-one","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300828\/the-power-of-one","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2AX6pwMCO6\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-of-one\/\">The Power of One<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-of-one\/embed\/#?secret=2AX6pwMCO6\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Power of One&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2AX6pwMCO6\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dr. Gary Smalley, explains \"the power of one.\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2005-02-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0How do you respond when your spouse offers some constructive criticism?\u00a0 Dr. Gary Smalley says he has trained himself to think immediately of Ephesians 4:29.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I want the words that proceed out of my mouth to be honoring, loving.\u00a0 I don't want to have unwholesome words proceeding out of my mouth.\u00a0 So James 1:19 \u2013 \"Be quick to listen, slow to speak.\"\u00a0 So when she corrects me now, it doesn't even take me seconds to say, \"Thanks, hon.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Wednesday, February 16th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 Do you need some help in responding more positively when your spouse offers constructive criticism?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us.\u00a0 I think we \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Bob, I have a unique assignment for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I think you might have done this one other time, but it may have not been exactly like I'm going to ask you to do it today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0All right, I'm ready.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We always introduce our guests.\u00a0 I generally have the privilege of doing that here on FamilyLife Today, but I want you to imitate our guest and introduce our guest using your best imitation of him.\u00a0 Now, I want you to think through how you would introduce yourself to our \u2013 as our guest to our listening audience.\u00a0 Do you have it, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0He made me do this.\u00a0 I just need to explain to our guests, he made me do this with Chuck Colson, too.\u00a0 There are only a few imitations I do.\u00a0 Chuck Colson is one.\u00a0 Do you want hear my Chuck Colson imitation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0[mimicking Chuck Colson] \"This is Breakpoint.\u00a0 I'm Chuck Colson.\u00a0 Thank you.\"\u00a0 With kind of a choppy Boston accent.\u00a0 That's my \u2013 okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's very good.\u00a0 Our guest is really going to like \u2013 he's going to like the way he introduces himself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0[mimicking Gary Smalley] Well, here's the point I want to get to today on our program \u2013 we \u2013 here's what \u2013 the research that I've been looking at for the \u2013 and this is the revolutionary thing about this research \u2013 how am I doing with it.\u00a0 Am I doing okay with it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Not hit the one thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Here's the one thing \u2013 the one thing, because you do come back to the one thing, don't you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There's always been one thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It's revolutionary.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0That's right, it will change your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It will change your life.\u00a0 So I'm going to introduce to us today, the person who has got the revolutionary one thing.\u00a0 Did I get there okay?\u00a0 Did I do all right?\u00a0 Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Gary Smalley \u2013 Gary, welcome to the Gary Smalley show.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0That's very good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0What do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0That's very good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Should we take it on the road to Branson?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I'm up to six things now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0I actually had to watch a lot of videotapes to get that down, but there are a lot of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0There are a lot of them.\u00a0 Gary has written a new book, though, called \"The DNA of Relationships.\"\u00a0 He has not written a book about himself.\u00a0 He has shared a few of his failures in here, and he and his wife Norma have been married for more than 40 years.\u00a0 They have three children, eight grandchildren, and live in Branson, Missouri, which is just about 30 miles south of Ozark, Missouri.\u00a0 Everybody knows where Branson is after I tell them where Ozark is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly, which is where the water filters down to Branson from Ozark.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0The relationship DNA water.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0One of the great things about this book is you don't have to just tell stories about yourself anymore.\u00a0 You now can tell stories about your sons.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0My sons and my friends and so on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0In fact, I want to ask you to tell a story about how Greg moved some furniture around, and as a result needed to have his own marriage saved there for a few moments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly \u2013 his wife is a nurse, so she worked all night many times, and so he was already asleep, but before he went to bed he rearranged their entire bedroom, because he's kind of an interior decorator \u2013 loves that aspect of life and decorates every room that she'll let him decorate.\u00a0 Anyway, she came home after he had moved the bed and furniture and everything and didn't want to wake him up, so she runs in and hurts her shins to the coffee table.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Because it's dark and everything is in a different place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0She falls and hits the wall, and the skis fall and hit the little \u2013 what do you call this little \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Cabinet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Yes, cabinet, but it's those little Hummel kind of \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Precious Moments.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly, and they fall, crash, and, of course, Greg wakes up hearing all this, and they turn the light on, and she's really hopping upset with him because he did this without saying anything to her, and, of course, he becomes very defensive and tries to minimize and \"Don't you understand that I was just improving this room,\" and so on and so forth.\u00a0 They get into a major battle, argument, over his irresponsibility of changing the bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Actually, where that story comes from is that he finally figured out in their research that the one thing \u2013 one of the key things is that they push each other's core fear and did it for years and escalated it out of control.\u00a0 No matter what they argued about, it didn't matter what the issue was, she had the ability to push his core fear, and his core fear is failure.\u00a0 So anytime she indicates that he's failing as a husband or a father or life or whatever, boy, he just can't handle that.\u00a0 And then he usually shoots back and tries to change her to get her to stop that because that's really upsetting to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0And that's one of the things that you're just now beginning to discover is this whole issue of safety in relationships, and the issue of all of us having core fears sabotages our oneness in relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Absolutely, because the real problem with not knowing that you have a core fear, like most women's core fear has something to do with disconnection in a relationship \u2013 rejection or whatever.\u00a0 Most men, their core fear has something to do with feeling controlled or feeling powerless, which is the opposite of that.\u00a0 If you're not in control, you're powerless.\u00a0 And so when Greg feels like a failure, he feels like he's powerless, he feels like this is just \u2013 it's painful to him, because that's his core fear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0My core fear is being belittled and controlled at the same time, and the natural response is, \"It's your fault that I feel this way so therefore you are the solution so I'm going to point my finger at you and say you need to change,\" and as soon as I do that, it usually always pushes their core fear, and then the dance begins.\u00a0 Because they up the ante by trying to get you to change, and then you up the ante by trying to get them to change, and this intensive program of what Greg has taught me \u2013 stop the dance.\u00a0 Anyone can stop it.\u00a0 Pull that pointing finger back in, four fingers pointing at you, one to God.\u00a0 Do you know what bugged me for \u2013 we've been married for 40 years \u2013 what bugged me for 38 years \u2013 how many people listening today have a wife that corrects her husband's driving?\u00a0 Does your wife ever correct your driving?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0She just screams.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Right before the wreck.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0It's like some people have said to me \u2013 one guy said to me, \"My wife does all the driving, she just lets me hold the steering wheel.\"\u00a0 And so that's the kind of thing I had, because my wife had a major accident when she was in high school and lost a couple of girlfriends to death and so she's nervous about driving.\u00a0 It used to irritate me.\u00a0 So James 1:19 \u2013 \"Be quick to listen, slow to speak.\"\u00a0 So when she corrects me now, it doesn't even take me seconds to say, \"Thanks, hon.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, now, it bothered you for 38 years and now it doesn't bother you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Because of 2 Corinthians 10:5 \u2013 \"We can take all of our thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ.\"\u00a0 And my thoughts are what control my emotions, not what she does or says.\u00a0 It's what I think about her that controls my emotions and what I think about the situation.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0But when she says to you, \"Could you slow down a little bit?\"\u00a0 Don't those emotions still well up in you and don't you \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0They do, but I don't say anything now.\u00a0 And then I thank her \u2013 was \u2013 I think about it for a minute, because, see, what I usually think about is I'm living with this controlled person, and it's negative in my mind.\u00a0 So all I have to do is spend seconds realizing who I'm married to \u2013 and this awesome person.\u00a0 I'm the dreamer; she's the dreammaker.\u00a0 She asks me every year, \"What are you dreaming?\u00a0 Let's make it happen.\"\u00a0 She organizes it.\u00a0 She is so great in so many things.\u00a0 My home is \u2013 flowers are everywhere.\u00a0 I mean, she adds life to me, and so why do I spend seconds thinking that I'm married to this control person.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So in other words, now I can think for a few seconds before I speak and thank her for stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And that's why you married her, because she is different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And yet after we get married, we stop respecting the differences and instead try to change the differences.\u00a0 Romans, chapter 12, verse 10 says, \"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love.\u00a0 Give preference to one another in honor.\"\u00a0 That's what you're really doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0And that can only happen if we're filled with the power of the Holy Spirit \u2013 the unlimited power of the Holy Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0That's exactly right.\u00a0 In fact, I want to just \u2013 I want to camp on that just for a moment.\u00a0 I think many Christians live poverty-stricken Christian lives because they are not tapping into the Holy Spirit and the power \u2013 the same power that raised Jesus Christ from the dead.\u00a0 The promise of Scripture is when you place your faith in the Savior Jesus Christ, for the forgiveness of your sins, and you make him Lord of your life, at the moment you have placed your faith in Him, He gives you the promise of eternal life and He gives you the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 The Holy Spirit comes to indwell you.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, you may not feel Him, you certainly won't see Him, but you can experience Him.\u00a0 And what you've just called Christians to do just now, is something I don't want them to miss.\u00a0 As you have conflicts, as you have disagreements, never forget that the Holy Spirit is there to give you power over your anger, over your sharp tongue, over your wrong response.\u00a0 But the issue is you must yield, you must allow the Holy Spirit to do His work in your heart, and what you're describing, Gary, is you're describing areas of your life where you are giving the Holy Spirit control.\u00a0 Instead of being defensive about your driving, you are now listening to your wife about your driving.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly, because I'm very aware that my emotions, my words, and my actions are the result of what I think.\u00a0 So that's why I go to Philippians 4:8 and 9 \u2013 I call them the \"Big Eight.\"\u00a0 I go through those eight words, because Paul said, \"Think on these things.\"\u00a0 Well, I want to think on those things because I am what I think, as Proverbs 23:7, and I sow \u2013 whatever I sow, whatever thoughts I sow, that's what I'm going to reap.\u00a0 So I'm really aware that I want to control my thoughts.\u00a0 Well, I have unlimited power, and you said that it's resurrection power.\u00a0 I have resurrection power inside of me.\u00a0 I have healing power inside of me.\u00a0 I have the loving power inside of me.\u00a0 I have fulfilling power.\u00a0 That's all in Ephesians 3:16 through 20.\u00a0 I have life inside of me \u2013 light \u2013 the living water inside of me.\u00a0 I have such power I can hardly wait to see more and more of it revealed the rest of my life, and so I have that power to control my thoughts so I don't have to think negative things about her if I don't want to, and I have in the past.\u00a0 Those are fewer and fewer and fewer and fewer because that's how my life has changed so much, is to know that I'm filled with the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 I can control my thoughts.\u00a0 My thoughts determine who I am.\u00a0 I want Ephesians 4:8 and 9 to be the guide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0And then listen to this one \u2013 James 3:2 \u2013 if I control my thoughts, I control my feelings and my words.\u00a0 Well, James 3:2 says if I control my words, I control every part of my body.\u00a0 I love that.\u00a0 So I just wake up every morning feeling so empowered I can hardly wait to see how I'm going to respond during the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0One of the things you're telling people about now is the need we all have to recruit assistance to help us do the kinds of things we really want to do.\u00a0 What do you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I can recruit my wife now and say, \"Hon, I want the log out of my own eye.\u00a0 I don't want to be noticing the toothpick in yours; I want the log out of my own eye.\u00a0 So would you help me, pray for me, encourage me in the area of working on myself?\u00a0 If I ever point my finger at you again and say, 'I want you to change so I'll be happier,' I don't want to do that anymore.\u00a0 So just remind me.\" \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, the way to really put teeth to it, which I haven't done yet, but I will if through the years if it becomes harder and harder, I will say something like this \u2013 \"If I ever point my finger to you and blame you for how I'm feeling, because how I'm feeling is how I'm thinking about what you just did \u2013 if I ever point my finger and say I want you to change because you're making me miserable\" \u2013 making me?\u00a0 That's a lie right out of the pit \u2013 \"And so if I ever do that, I want to give you \u2013 what would it take\" \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Your fishing pole.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Fishing pole, okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You would rather fish practically than almost anybody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0That's not enough, because you and I can go to Wal-Mart and \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Don't you have a really nice one?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I have a nice one, but that wouldn't bother me -- for her, probably, money.\u00a0 So if I said, \"What if I start saving money right now, put it in an account, and I do this again, I just write you a check for $1,000.\"\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0You'd build that kind of accountability because it's worth it to you to break \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Oh, I do not want to ever again \u2013 this is what's so thrilling today.\u00a0 I never want to blame anybody, anything, any environmental thing, any circumstance \u2013 none of those things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You know, I really like this, Gary.\u00a0 I want to interrupt you here, because I just talked to a couple who were just at each other, and he's cursing her out, and she's on his case, and she's really needing him to respect her, to love her, and to speak kindly in not only the words but in the tone of voice.\u00a0 So what would be a great assignment for him would be to put some kind of bounty on the behavior.\u00a0 Where if I start using my words to criticize, cut you down, curse you out, whatever the habit may be -- $1,000 \u2013 hello.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Right \u2013 or I'll spend the whole day, I'll take a day off and clean and fix anything you want around this house.\u00a0 I'll just be your servant all day.\u00a0 Whatever it takes.\u00a0 But that would just slow him down.\u00a0 He needs to realize that his wife has really nothing to do with his own happiness.\u00a0 The Holy Spirit living inside of him is all he needs, but he has to become aware of that, and then he has to recognize that he's got a lot of logs in his own eye, and that his thinking is what determines his \u2013 can I give an example on this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Recently, somebody stole out of the church my carry-on case.\u00a0 I was ready to go from Kansas City to Chicago.\u00a0 I finished the last session, went to get my bag, it was gone.\u00a0 They have on surveillance this tall kid with a striped shirt pulling my bag out of the church, okay, because they don't know who it is, and the priest doesn't know who it is, and they never found it.\u00a0 In that bag was my computer, all my life, all my notes, my hard copies of my upcoming seminar that I needed to have, I was going to review it on this trip, and two ruby \u2013 one a ring, and a necklace because ours was the 40th wedding anniversary, so this is just recent, and that was very expensive.\u00a0 My brand-new Nike Cantera tennis shoes, which they don't make anymore, and I finally found a pair, brand-new, and the only kind I really love, and they're gone and all my other stuff that I had, it was gone \u2013 everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0So I get in my car to go to the airport in Kansas City, and on the way there I'm saying, \"Oh, oh, my computer.\u00a0 Oooh, somebody could put this stuff in \"The National Enquirer.\u00a0 My shoes \u2013 oh, the gifts!\"\u00a0 I just went through the list, and I had all these thoughts that this was bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.\u00a0 And so my stomach got sick really fast, I was overwhelmed with grief thinking, \"Oh, why didn't I listen to my son who told me don't leave it, Dad,\" and he moved his up front.\u00a0 Anyway, I'm thinking I was bad, I should have listened to him, dadadadah.\u00a0 I had myself talked into feeling miserable in 20 minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0After about 20 minutes of thinking all these negative thoughts, I started thinking, \"Wait a minute, the Scripture is really clear.\u00a0 Romans 5:3 through 5 says I can boast in my trials because my trials, God is building more character and love in my heart.\u00a0 2 Corinthians 12:9 and 10 says I can boast in my weaknesses, and I have a poor memory, so I can boast in my weaknesses because the Holy Spirit is enlarged within me, grows within me.\u00a0 I started praising God, boasting, exalting, glorifying God, glorifying the actual trial.\u00a0 I'm telling you, in eight hours I was right back to peace.\u00a0 In the middle of my grief, I was right back to peace.\u00a0 I never thought about it again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I like your approach, Gary, because you're taking us back to the Scripture, which realigns our thinking with the heart of God and shows us how to live.\u00a0 In fact, I want to read the verse you've alluded to several times on today's programs \u2013 Philippians, chapter 4, verse 8.\u00a0 Now, this is how we're to think.\u00a0 Now, listen to these eight qualities that Gary is speaking about here \u2013 \"Finally, brethren, whatever is true\" \u2013 so think about those things that are true \u2013 \"whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure\" \u2013\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Can I stop you in the middle of this list?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0When you said \"Whatever is true,\" I just imagined for a minute a wife thinking to herself, \"I can tell you some things that are true about my husband, you know, I can tell you some things.\u00a0 And then the very next word \u2013 \"Whatever is honorable\" \u2013 woops.\u00a0 Because some of the things she was thinking about that were true weren't honorable.\u00a0 So now, all of a sudden, the filter is getting a little tighter.\u00a0 You've got to think not just about what's true but what's honorable.\u00a0 And then what was the third thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Well, the third thing is \"Whatever is right,\" and that convicts you because it's never right to attack the other person even when they're attacking you.\u00a0 \"Whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute.\u00a0 If there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise\" \u2013 you're back to praise again \u2013 \"let your mind dwell.\"\u00a0 And that word \"dwell\" I think means to make its home \u2013 let your mind make its home around these things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Eight things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 Eight things that will change the way you think and therefore the way you behave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0At 64 years of age, those things have changed my life.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0I really like this emphasis, and I'm really going to take this away from my own personal life, Gary, to memorize these eight things from Philippians 4:8.\u00a0 In fact, here is the assignment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Yes, sir?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0We haven't been to the classroom for some time on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Here is the assignment from Dr. Gary Smalley, all right?\u00a0 Gary, give them the assignment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0The assignment is to memorize Philippians 4:8 and 9 and those eight things and let your mind dwell on those things but take your thoughts through those eight things and watch how they change your thoughts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And it will work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Oh! It's been working \u2013 only because I have the power of the Holy Spirit.\u00a0 But it says in Romans 8, don't even think about doing this unless you have the power of the Holy Spirit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Yes, and because also the Word of God is alive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0God uses the Holy Spirit and the living Scripture to change the way we think and the way we behave.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Well, and can I add to that assignment?\u00a0 Get a copy of Gary's book, \"The DNA of Relationships,\" and that will help you align your thinking as well.\u00a0 It will kind of explain \u2026\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0That's Chapter 4 and 6.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0It explains the whole principle, it helps you understand how you bring your thoughts captive, how you make them obedient to the mind of Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0And I just want to say thanks to Gary Smalley for joining us on FamilyLife Today and, Gary, I'm glad you're doing well \u2013 you look good, your health is great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I feel 40.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0Huh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I feel 40.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDennis:\u00a0You feel 40?\u00a0 You don't look a day over 60.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0But you sound like you're 40.\u00a0 I'm kidding, Gary.\u00a0 You really do look great, and I'm thrilled you're back to vigorous health, and I pray God's favor on you so He gives you another 40 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGary:\u00a0I look forward to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob:\u00a0Let me give folks information on how they can get a copy of Gary's book.\u00a0 Again, it's called \"The DNA of Relationships.\"\u00a0 We have it in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 In fact, we're encouraging folks to get the one-two punch \u2013 Gary's book and the book you and Barbara wrote called \"Rekindling the Romance.\"\u00a0 Both of those books together will give husbands and wives some fresh approaches to how we can make our marriage relationship all that God intends for it to be.\u00a0 Anybody who wants to get both books together, we'll send at no additional cost either the CD audio or the cassette of our conversation with Dr. Gary Smalley.\u00a0 And if you want more information about all of those resources, go to our website, FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 At the bottom of the screen click on the \"Go\" button that says, \"Today's Resources\" around it, and it will take you right to the page where you can review the resources and order online, if you'd like.\u00a0 Or call 1-800-FLTODAY.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY, and tell whoever answers the phone that you're interested in the books we talked about today, and they'll get you all set up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, before we wrap things up today, I've got a question for you, and that is, do you think of yourself as a giving person?\u00a0 You know, that's a spiritual attribute that is characteristic is God.\u00a0 God is a giver, and He wants us to be a giving person, and when it comes to giving \u2013 and I'm thinking of financial giving now \u2013 your top priority needs to be giving to your local church.\u00a0 I hope that every one of our listeners is actively involved in a local church, and I hope that when the plate gets passed on Sunday, you're putting something in and not just a token, but something substantive.\u00a0 Something that is what you prayed about and what God has said you ought to be doing, all right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Now, beyond that, if you are able to help other ministries with financial resources, we want to ask you to consider making a contribution to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 We are listener-supported, we depend on the generosity of folks like you who are faithful and giving in their local church but who also see value in this daily radio outreach and who help support it either on a monthly basis or with gifts from time to time.\u00a0 And if you'd like to make a donation to FamilyLife Today, I want to invite you to do that by going to our website at FamilyLife.com or calling us toll-free at 1-800-FLTODAY, and we appreciate being able to partner with many of you in ministry.\u00a0 We appreciate your generosity, and I hope to hear from more of our listeners, Dennis, who team up with us to make this daily radio program possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0Well, tomorrow we are going to talk about what we can do to be active in reconciling relationships and particularly we want to look at the issue of racial reconciliation.\u00a0 We're going to hear a powerful message from a young pastor who has some fresh thinking for us on what we can do to bring healing where there has been too much discord.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t_______________________________________________________________\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300828","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300828"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300828"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300828"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300828"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300828"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300828"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300828"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}