{"id":300679,"date":"2004-07-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-07-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/from-legalism-to-liberation\/"},"modified":"2024-12-09T14:33:04","modified_gmt":"2024-12-09T19:33:04","slug":"from-legalism-to-liberation","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-legalism-to-liberation\/","title":{"rendered":"From Legalism to Liberation"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Tim Kimmel, author of Grace-Based Parenting, talks about the freedom parents will experience when they turn away from legalism and embrace a parenting style built on grace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tim Kimmel talks about embracing a parenting style built on grace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-07-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.42M","filesize_raw":"11975601","date_recorded":"2004-07-27 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[4741,2209],"podcast_series":[7321],"cwp_profile":[3058],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300679","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-being-a-godly-parent","tag-parenting","podcast_series-grace-based-parenting","cwp_profile-tim-kimmel","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300679\/from-legalism-to-liberation","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300679\/from-legalism-to-liberation","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OKajuomn7G\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-legalism-to-liberation\/\">From Legalism to Liberation<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/from-legalism-to-liberation\/embed\/#?secret=OKajuomn7G\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;From Legalism to Liberation&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OKajuomn7G\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Tim Kimmel talks about embracing a parenting style built on grace.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-07-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>Bob:\u00a0The way you relate to your children as a parent reflects on their understanding of who God is.\u00a0 Here's Tim Kimmel.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Grace-based parenting brings the fun back into parenting.\u00a0 It takes the fear out of parenting, because you have relationship with a child that makes it easier to enforce the rules.\u00a0 And what that does is, it makes it easier for them to get more intimate with Jesus Christ, because we are emulating, in our relationship with them, the way God treats His kids.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Tuesday, July 27th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 What are your children learning about who God is as a result of their relationship with you?\u00a0 Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition.\u00a0 We're talking this week about parenting with grace \u2013 grace-based parenting.\u00a0 And I faced one of those dilemmas a number of years ago.\u00a0 One of our children had gotten a ride home from school \u2013 from a school event with a member of the opposite sex, and it had just been the two of them riding home from school.\u00a0 Now, they didn't like each other, you know, it wasn't a boyfriend-girlfriend deal.\u00a0 It was just a \"Hey, I'll grab a ride home.\"\u00a0 Well, we've said one of the boundaries, one of the standards that we have at our house is that we don't want you riding around in a car with a member of the opposite sex, just the two of you.\u00a0 We don't think that's a safe, kind of, a healthy thing to do on a regular basis.<\/p>\n<p>And this child had been dropped off at home and came into the house, and Mary Ann said to me, \"I'm not sure, but I think maybe the child got a ride home with their friend who is a member of the opposite sex.\"\u00a0 So the next day I said, \"Who dropped you off yesterday?\"\u00a0 And the child kind of said, \"It was so-and-so.\"\u00a0 And looked \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 looked a little guilty?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0The child knew that \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 stepped outside the lines.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yeah, the child knew that \u2013 and I'll say \"he\" in this case, had stepped outside the lines, and he shouldn't have done it, and at that moment I thought, \"Okay, what do I do?\u00a0 Do I impose a sanction \u2013 violated a standard.\"\u00a0 You know, you violate a standard \u2013 consequences.\u00a0 Or do I say I'll reinforce the principle, but there's not going to be a consequence at this moment.\u00a0 Have you ever faced a dilemma like that as a parent?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Many times.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You're stalling.\u00a0 You're looking for time.\u00a0 Put your game plan together.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And I also am thinking, in the back of my mind, which decision I make is going to win with my wife, you know?\u00a0 Because she would have her own way of interpreting the facts and deciding what needed to be done.<\/p>\n<p>Those dilemmas that we face as parents are maybe the most challenging dilemmas, and you hear about a book like the one we're talking about this week \u2013 \"Grace-Based Parenting,\" by Tim Kimmel \u2013 and you would think to yourself, \"Well, that means every time your child steps outside of one of the boundaries that you've established, you say, 'We'll let it go this time.'\"\u00a0 But that's not what grace always looks like.\u00a0 At least, it doesn't look that way in my life.\u00a0 God sometimes brings consequences into my life, even in the context of grace for my own disobedience.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And, Bob, the family that you came from and how you were raised \u2013 that fits into this in no small measure.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And I'm not telling you what I did with this particular child.\u00a0 I'm just not going to answer that.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Who shall still remain \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 nameless, although he knows who he is, right?\u00a0 Or she knows who she is.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, what we want to do on today's broadcast is help you, as a single person, married, parent, better understand what grace is, because that's how God relates to you.\u00a0 But we just don't want you to understand it, we want you to become a conduit \u2013 someone who knows how and is equipped to express it to others.\u00a0 Specifically, we're going to apply this within parenting today, because that is the name of Tim Kimmel's new book, \"Grace-Based Parenting,\" and many of our listeners know Tim.\u00a0 He's spoken at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, Rekindling the Romance.\u00a0 He and Darcy have been married since 1972, two weeks longer than Barbara and me.\u00a0 He has four children, two grandchildren, one son-in-law.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Yes, I do.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah, you'll get more of those before this is over.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0He's a wonderful guy.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah.\u00a0 But let's go to Bob's illustration \u2013 because of the family you came from initially you might have just kind of clamped down on your son, right?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Let me tell you something \u2013 one of the reasons why I have to write about grace is how easily I could fall into the trap of legalistic parenting.\u00a0 I was brought up in a legalistic family.\u00a0 My parents \u2013 wonderful people \u2013 became Christians right after they got married.\u00a0 Dad came home from World War II and a guy led him to Christ, and it took two years before my mother accepted Christ, and they started going to this church, and they didn't know anything different, and so they just believed whatever the pastor said \u2013 that's what you did.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0So they went to a church that really preached legalism?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0They did.\u00a0 It was a nice church in many ways, and I am so grateful for a lot of my spiritual roots and heritage in this church, but what they like to do is when God said something in the Bible, they liked to really define that and put a little extra to it.\u00a0 So, for instance, what does it mean to not forsake the gathering together of the saints?\u00a0 Well, that means that you're at church every time it's open; you're there early; everybody brings their Bible.\u00a0 They even wanted us to \u2013 parents to put a little, tiny New Testament in the bassinet or whatever you carried your child to the nursery in to get them in the habit of bringing their Bible.<\/p>\n<p>Well, that's nice, except it doesn't say that in the Bible \u2013 that you have to do that.\u00a0 And Sabbath was really taken literally, and Sabbath was defined by this church that you came to church, and then you went home, and you had dinner.\u00a0 You didn't go out to lunch with anybody, and you took a nap.\u00a0 You see, all these things \u2013 there's nothing wrong with any of them, especially when you have little children, but when they made it law, and then they imposed it on the families, and the families tried to carry it out, it caused trouble.<\/p>\n<p>A good example \u2013 I was just a little kid, seven, eight years old, and it was a Sunday afternoon.\u00a0 We'd finished lunch, and it was before I had to take my nap, and I went out, and I had a rubber ball.\u00a0 We had a brick \u2013 yellow brick house.\u00a0 And so I took the ball out, and I decided to play a game of catch with myself \u2013 throwing it up against the brick wall and catching it, and I had done this several times.\u00a0 All of a sudden, my mother came flying out of the house \u2013 what are you doing?\u00a0 \"I'm playing catch.\"\u00a0 \"Well, you can't do that.\u00a0 It's Sunday.\"\u00a0 \"Why not?\"\u00a0 \"Well, it's Sunday.\u00a0 You just don't do that on Sunday.\"\u00a0 \"Who said?\"\u00a0 \"Well, God said.\"<\/p>\n<p>You see, she, at that point, didn't realize that it's possible for some of the voices of God to add onto His Word like, a well meaning but misguided pastor.\u00a0 And then she says, \"What would the people think if somebody drove by our house and saw you doing that?\"\u00a0 So, you see, that's a lot of what drives us, Dennis, to make our kids behave, is image control.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Did you feel like you had to earn your parents' love?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0I did.\u00a0 And I felt like, on top of that, I had to earn God's love.\u00a0 I was constantly trying to make sure I didn't upset God, because He had a lot of rules, and my parents had them, and so it affected my ability to enjoy the grace of God \u2013 where God was not grading me the way my parents were, and He's not dealing with me according to my sin the way my parents were.<\/p>\n<p>Now, all that said, I was very fortunate that I, first of all, did have wonderful parents, and I never doubted that they loved me deep down in their heart.\u00a0 And then a great thing happened \u2013 two great things happened.\u00a0 One is, the 1960s arrived, and we were six kids \u2013 five boys, one girl \u2013 right in the middle of the most turbulent decade of the 20th century, and we moved to another state, went to a little church, a little Baptist church, and a young man came straight out of seminary who understood the grace of God.\u00a0 And he started teaching it to us.\u00a0 And it really helped my parents process a very traumatic decade.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Did you immediately feel that difference, as a boy?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Absolutely.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0How?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Absolutely, well, for one thing the pastor taught my parents how to lighten up and not make issues out of non-issues.\u00a0 Did you carry your Bible to church?\u00a0 And I would get a lecture if I didn't.\u00a0 Did I memorize the Scripture from Sunday school?\u00a0 And I would get a lecture if I didn't.\u00a0 There was something \u2013 I was falling short of that.<\/p>\n<p>Well, they started to lighten up.\u00a0 I'll give you an example \u2013 do you remember in the '60s when John Lennon made that statement that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus \u2013 remember that?\u00a0 This caused a lot of pastors in churches to pop a blood vein in their neck.\u00a0 They went rabid.\u00a0 Some of them did burning of the Beatle records.<\/p>\n<p>All right, this young pastor came to our youth group on this particular Sunday night shortly after this statement was made.\u00a0 He said, \"Why do you think John Lennon made that statement?\"\u00a0 We said, \"Well, because, you know, there are Christian kids all over the country that listen more to the Beatles and they're more interested in their career than they are in church and Jesus Christ.\"\u00a0 \"Why do you think that is?\"\u00a0 And so we got a great discussion about some of the hypocrisy, some of the disconnect between our life at church and life in reality, and he says, \"How do you think that affects the kids at school?\"\u00a0 And we talked about that, because I was going to a public school.\u00a0 \"How could we change their perception about Christians and make even Jesus look more attractive than the Beatles?\"<\/p>\n<p>You see, he used it in a wonderful way to teach us how to be more salt and light.\u00a0 He didn't react to it.\u00a0 But we tend to be in a reactive mode, and anything that is different we assume is of the world; therefore, it's evil.\u00a0 And in the process, our kids are savvy enough to know that what I am learning in Sunday school or at my Christian school is not paralleling what I'm feeling from my parents.\u00a0 My parents are making issues out of non-issues, and it hurts them.\u00a0 Many times, it incites them to rebel against God, and it's not necessary.<\/p>\n<p>Grace-based parenting brings the fun back into parenting.\u00a0 It takes the fear out of parenting.\u00a0 It also, I think, saves a lot of parents discipline problems, because you have relationship with a child that makes it easier to enforce the rules.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, you're right, Tim.\u00a0 I couldn't help but think, as I was listening to you describe that, how many of our listeners right now \u2013 in fact, Bob, I'm going to ask you this question \u2013 turn you into kind of a sample listener at this point.\u00a0 Did you feel like you had to earn your parents' love?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Hm.\u00a0 I don't know that I felt that I had to earn their love, but I did feel that I had to \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 perform?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Act a certain way in order to gain their approval, sure.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I wonder how many of our listeners would characterize the families they grew up in as performance-based.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0I know in my family, I had a tender heart towards God from early on.\u00a0 I didn't give my heart to Him completely until I was a junior in high school, but my siblings really struggled, and I think they did believe that they had to earn God's love and affection; they had to earn their parents'.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And, really, it's not until you come to the personal conviction and some kind of beginning of an understanding of what Grace is that you can really be motivated to serve Christ, realizing, you know what?\u00a0 When I do fail, when I do sin, He is there to forgive me.\u00a0 He is there to relate to me in mercy.\u00a0 He is there to not just declare me not guilty, but his face does not turn away from me every time I sin.\u00a0 That's a part of us understanding that grace so that we can pass it on to our children.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0What you're talking about is saying there is nothing you can do that will ever threaten our relationship.\u00a0 There is no behavior, no activity, nothing that you can do that will make our relationship null and void.\u00a0 You may do things I don't like; you may do things that aren't healthy for you; you may do things that upset me, but none of those things will ever undermine the relationship.\u00a0 When we have that confidence before God, that's liberating.\u00a0 When our children have that confidence that parents \u2013 the relationship is never going to be damaged, even if you mess up big time, that's where grace flourishes, doesn't it?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0And what that does is it makes it easier for them to get more intimate with Jesus Christ, because we are emulating, in our relationship with them, the way God treats His kids.\u00a0 And so we're paralleling that instead of contradicting that.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Let me go back to what I talked about earlier \u2013 the child who had broken our guideline.\u00a0 What is the grace-based response in that situation?\u00a0 Because I think, still, many of our listeners are going to hear, \"Well, the grace-based response means no consequences for that behavior.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah, you overlook it.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Right.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0You see, you can't have grace-based families without consequences.\u00a0 When David sinned with Bathsheba, God's grace to him was, \"David, I'm not going to kill you,\" \u2013 that was His grace \u2013 \"and I'm going to be with you through the consequences that you're going to get for the sin that you've committed.\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0So grace is not the absence of truth?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0No.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0It's not the absence of a standard?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0In fact, they are inseparable.\u00a0 In John, chapter 1, that verse that you quoted earlier in the week \u2013 it says that Jesus was filled with grace and truth.\u00a0 It isn't grace or truth.\u00a0 It is grace and truth.\u00a0 These are inseparable parts.\u00a0 They are part \u2013 you can't have one without the other.\u00a0 See, I can be very truthful but not very graceful.\u00a0 Well, the Bible says in Ephesians 4, speaking the truth in love, you've got to have both there.\u00a0 I can be graceful without truth.\u00a0 Well, then, I've nullified either one.\u00a0 I've got to have them simultaneously, and I think what happens in so many Christian homes is they have rules \u2013 no relationships.\u00a0 Where they have no relationship, no rules.\u00a0 Either one is going to cause problems.\u00a0 And so grace is that balancing act.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0So in my situation with this child who rode home with a member of the opposite sex \u2013 we told the child not to do that, the child confessed to me that, in fact, that's what had happened.\u00a0 Is there one response that we would say, \"This is the grace-based response?\"<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, I think that, yeah, in that one there should be consequences.\u00a0 I think grace would say there should be consequences on that.\u00a0 By the way, we have found it better in our home to separate our kids' infractions between felonies and misdemeanors.\u00a0 Because, you see, what happens in a lot of Christian homes, everything is a felony, and we don't execute people for double-parking.\u00a0 We give them a little fine.\u00a0 So what are the felonies in the Christian life?\u00a0 Well, lying, cheating, deceiving, being violent \u2013 that kind of stuff.\u00a0 That's the felonies, and that's where the heavy artillery comes out.<\/p>\n<p>But this child of yours was basically acting according to his or her inclination as a teenager wanting to ride home with somebody else.\u00a0 And so I think one of the things that grace does in that situation, if it's not shocked, it's not surprised.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You know, what I did at the time, I looked at what's in the heart of my child.\u00a0 Why do I think my child did that?\u00a0 And there's a difference between a child who says, \"I'm going to do what I want to do, and I don't care what you think,\" and a child who says, \"I messed up,\" and, in fact, this child did say, \"I messed up.\u00a0 I shouldn't have done it.\u00a0 I should have called you.\u00a0 I'm sorry.\"\u00a0 That reflected something different to me and said the level of infraction is different because it's not a heart issue at this point, it's a behavior issue.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Grace-based parents are not surprised when their kids make mistakes or even sin.\u00a0 But I think the typical Christian parent \u2013 well, they are surprised.\u00a0 They're shocked, they're mad sometimes.\u00a0 Grace-based parents don't ever say something like \"Why did you do something stupid like that?\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Even though you may be thinking it.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, because they know why they did something stupid like that \u2013 because they are sinners \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 and because they are children \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0\u2026 and they're children \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 and they're foolish \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0\u2026 and they're foolish, and they have an inclination when they start becoming teenagers as an attraction to the opposite sex.\u00a0 And so rather than react to that, we respond to that with enough savvy to say, \"Well, I can understand why they want to do that.\"<\/p>\n<p>Now, there has to be some consequences, because we did have an agreement on this, and if you want to be in a position under our roof to have the freedom to make those choices, you've got to be aligned with us right here, too, and we'll hand that over to you.\u00a0 We don't write our rules in blood in the Kimmel home.\u00a0 We don't even etch them in stone, we write them in pencil.\u00a0 Now, the ones that are etched in stone are the ones that God etched in stone on Sinai.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And those are your silver bullet issues.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Those are the felonies.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0We are not negotiating on any of those.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0The other day we took care of our grandsons.\u00a0 Now, this is one who is almost three and another who is almost five.\u00a0 And I had forgotten what a three-year-old and a five-year-old can get into.\u00a0 I mean, they completely dismantled the rocks around our driveway \u2013 they're scattered all over the place.\u00a0 They were pitching rocks, throwing rocks, fascinating.\u00a0 Well, if you're not grace-based, you're going to run around trying to correct little toddlers' every wrong move, because they make a lot of wrong moves.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0And we sometimes make \u2013 when we say \"wrong\" that's like \"evil,\" when, in reality, they're just being three-year-olds.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Boys, boys, yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Yeah, I think we have criminalized boyhood behavior in a lot of our circles, especially in the feminization of boys.\u00a0 We've got to look at this thing realistically.\u00a0 What are the rules we make for a three- or five-year-old?\u00a0 There are more safety rules.\u00a0 And then we might have some things that are off limits to them but, for the most part, we understand these are going to be little boys that do this.\u00a0 Listen, I know 15-year-old boys who would go out and throw those rocks.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 What I hear you saying is that grace-based parenting is not having a child off of a tether or with no fenceline around the property, but it is having a bigger playground or a longer rope than you see a lot of parents giving these days.\u00a0 It's a little more freedom and a little more relaxation than some of us are comfortable with as parents.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0It's not making issues out of non-issues, and it's raising them according to their inner bent.\u00a0 Whereas a lot of kids, they're just different and weird and strange and quirky, and they annoy us, and they bother us, and they irritate us, but nothing that they are doing is evil or sinful or unbiblical.\u00a0 It's just annoying.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And back to your illustration, Bob, that it's giving them a longer tether \u2013 within the fences, it's also pursuing a relationship.\u00a0 It is loving them, affirming them, relating with respect to them, honoring them, forgiving them, giving them mercy, giving them more of this grace that we've been talking about here.\u00a0 And, again, I have to go back to the Scripture and say we've got to learn from this book how God relates to us \u2013 that He forgave us seven times seventy; that He relates to us not on the basis of what we deserve but on the basis of His character, and we, as His children, need to walk in the power of the Holy Spirit relating to our children with that same kind of God-like love.\u00a0 Now, we're not going to do it perfectly, but wasn't the Apostle Paul that says, \"Imitate me as I follow Christ.\"\u00a0 I think that's what parents are to do.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You know, the odds are there are two-parent families who are listening, where one parent is more oriented toward being relaxed and letting the boundaries kind of go loose.\u00a0 And another parent is more oriented toward a tighter tether on a child.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And in your family, which one might you be like most?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0I would relax things a little bit.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Longer tether.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 Now, the person who really needs to read grace-based parenting is probably not me, but it's probably the other member in the family, the one who is not as relaxed as I am.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know what, though?\u00a0 I might disagree with you, Bob.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Really?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Because I think some of us get a little \u2013 well, we think we have kind of the inside scoop on grace because we are so free.\u00a0 But what Tim has done here in this book is he has given us the grace that is inseparably tied to truth, and so he explains grace always throughout the pages of this book, reminding us that there must be boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0That's a good point.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0That there's freedom in those boundaries, safety in those boundaries.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0The book does strike that balance and, as a result, would be healthy for the more relaxed parent to read or for the tighter-tethered parent to read, right?\u00a0 We've got copies of the book in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and if you'd like to get a copy, contact us at 1-800-FLTODAY or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 We have it both in book form and as an audio book so you can order either way.\u00a0 We also have copies of Tim's book, \"Little House on the Freeway,\" which talks about the busy-ness that all of us face as families today and offers some very practical solutions for dealing with those issues of busy-ness.<\/p>\n<p>If you'd like to order both books \u2013 \"Grace-Based Parenting\" and \"Little House on the Freeway,\" we'll include, at no additional cost, the audio CDs or cassettes of our week-long visit with Tim Kimmel.\u00a0 Contact us for more information on any of these resources \u2013 1-800-FLTODAY is the number or go online at FamilyLife.com, and you can order online if you'd like.\u00a0 Again, our Web address is FamilyLife.com and the toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-FLTODAY.<\/p>\n<p>I don't know if you saw the note we got from Kelsey in Charlotte.\u00a0 This was neat \u2013 Kelsey wrote and said, \"Dear FamilyLife Today, Thanks for everything you do.\u00a0 I am 14.\u00a0 I listen to your program every night.\"\u00a0 She sent in a donation to FamilyLife Today; sent $20 in.\u00a0 She said, \"I felt like God was telling me to give this money to you.\u00a0 Your program has totally changed my outlook on dating and guys and has made me more particular about boyfriends.\u00a0 Thank you.\"\u00a0 Well, that's a pretty cool note, and thank you, Kelsey, for your support of FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 It's folks like you who support us who keep us on the air, and we're excited to hear that you're listening to the program and that God is using the program in your life.\u00a0 So thanks for getting in touch with us.<\/p>\n<p>We love hearing from listeners.\u00a0 If it's been a while since you've jotted us a note, we'd love to have you write us.\u00a0 You can do it online if you'd like at FamilyLife.com or if you need our mailing address, it's on our website as well.\u00a0 And if you are able to include a donation when you write, that's always appreciated as well.\u00a0 Again, go to FamilyLife.com and send us an e-mail from there or give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY, and we'll pass the mailing address along to you as well.\u00a0 And, Kelsey, thanks again for getting in touch with us.<\/p>\n<p>Well, tomorrow we're going to find out what a lot of Christian parents are doing that is causing them to raise spiritual wimps.\u00a0 I hope you can be with us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.<\/p>\n<p>________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a 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