{"id":300678,"date":"2004-07-26T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-07-26T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-grace\/"},"modified":"2024-12-09T14:34:34","modified_gmt":"2024-12-09T19:34:34","slug":"understanding-grace","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-grace\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Grace"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Today on the broadcast, Tim Kimmel, founder and executive director of Family Matters, a ministry known for its work in educating, equipping and encouraging families, encourages parents to treat their children the way God treats His children &#8211; with grace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tim Kimmel encourages parents to treat their children the way God treats His children &#8211; with grace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-07-26.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.42M","filesize_raw":"11974091","date_recorded":"2004-07-26 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850],"tags":[4741,2209],"podcast_series":[7321],"cwp_profile":[3058],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300678","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","tag-being-a-godly-parent","tag-parenting","podcast_series-grace-based-parenting","cwp_profile-tim-kimmel","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300678\/understanding-grace","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300678\/understanding-grace","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"GfejhyES3t\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-grace\/\">Understanding Grace<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-grace\/embed\/#?secret=GfejhyES3t\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding Grace&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"GfejhyES3t\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Tim Kimmel encourages parents to treat their children the way God treats His children - with grace.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-07-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Is your style of parenting grace-based?\u00a0 Tim Kimmel helps us understand what he means by that concept.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Grace-based parenting is treating your children the way God treats His children.\u00a0 Now, that didn't give you your definition, it just gave you your template in that we should treat our children the way God treats His.\u00a0 He's dealing with us in grace, and so that means that we don't make arbitrary standards that are not backed up biblically and make them moral issues.\u00a0 If we do that, we incite our kids to rebellion.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Monday, July 26th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll talk today with Tim Kimmel about what grace-based parenting is and about what it isn't.\u00a0 Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us on the Monday edition.\u00a0 Dennis?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Bob, you consider yourself somewhat of a music expert, wouldn't that be true?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\"Expert\" would be a stretch.\u00a0 I'm a \"fan.\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\"Hobbyist,\" then?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yeah \u2013 hobbyist \u2013 that would be good.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0But our listeners know you to be a learned man when it comes to issues of music, hymns of the faith.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yeah, well \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 I just wanted to ask you how many stanzas are there to \"Amazing Grace?\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Well, in most modern hymnals you'll find either four or five stanzas to \"Amazing Grace,\" but if you dig around, like, 18 or something.\u00a0 Isn't that right?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Eighteen?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Well, this puts my research to shame if there's 18.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0I'm just guessing here.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Oh, are you?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 So you were bluffing the whole way.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0I know there are more than you'll find in most hymnals.\u00a0 You'll find \u2013 John Newton, you know, wrote \"Amazing Grace\" \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 right \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 and if you dig around, you'll find there are a whole bunch that we don't sing in most churches.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Right.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0But I don't know how many.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0But he wrote all those stanzas.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0He wrote all of them, yes.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0That's wrong.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Oh, okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0That's not correct.\u00a0 According to my research, there are seven stanzas to \"Amazing Grace.\"\u00a0 Now, if there's 18, which could very well be true, because I didn't stay up all night working on this.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0John Newton didn't write them all?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0He did not write the mall.\u00a0 In fact, the sixth stanza, they do not know who wrote it.\u00a0 Now, you need to know, Bob, I did not know any of this.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You never heard the sixth stanza, right?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Listen to this \u2013 \"The earth shall soon dissolve like snow; the sun forbear to shine.\u00a0 But God, who called me here below, shall be forever mine.\"\u00a0 That's the sixth stanza and they literally do not know who wrote that stanza.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0I think that was written by the same person who wrote, \"I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.\"\u00a0 Don't you think?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I'll be you're right, Bob.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0That you can sing to the tune of \"Amazing Grace,\" by the way.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0We're going in another direction, Bob.\u00a0 We're going to go back to \"Amazing Grace.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0The first stanza, I just want to remind our listening audience of this song \"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me; I once was lost but now I'm found; was blind but now I see.\"<\/p>\n<p>You know, that song is one of my favorites, and I think the reason for that is because it proclaims something that all of us are trying to better understand.\u00a0 And if we understand what His grace has done for us, we can better impart that grace to the next generation.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You think that the conversation about grace this week is going to be a little controversial?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I think we may get outside the box a bit.\u00a0 Our guest on FamilyLife Today is no stranger to many of our listeners.\u00a0 They've heard him speak at a FamilyLife Weekend to Remember, I Still Do, Rekindling the Romance, along with his wife Darcy.\u00a0 Tim Kimmel joins us on FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Welcome back, Tim.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0I'm glad to be with you guys, thanks.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You live outside the box, don't you?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, it's just that I've been following you around too much, Bob.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Tim has written a book called \"Grace-Based Parenting,\" and, of course, Tim is the proud pop of four children.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Yes, I am.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Two grandchildren now \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0\u2026 yes \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 and has been married to Darcy since 1972 \u2013 just a couple of weeks longer than Barbara and me.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0They got married just two Saturdays before you, is that right?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah, in August.\u00a0 We got married in early September.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0So if you need any pointers or anything because of the little head start we've had on you, just let us know.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I will take all the pointers I can get.\u00a0 Tim's book, though, is one that I'm looking forward to talking about, because it speaks of something that is indispensable, as parents attempt to raise the next generation \u2013 it speaks of grace.\u00a0 Why is an understanding of grace important to parents, Tim?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, grace is what draws us all to Christ.\u00a0 That's what we all resonate with as Christians.\u00a0 The problem is that many times you can get inside a Christian home, and it does not reflect the grace relationship that we have with Christ.\u00a0 Well, the reason it's so important, Dennis, is because if we don't make grace the theme of our home, we are contradicting, in the way we raise our kids, the very message we want them to embrace in their heart.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And that contradiction may ultimately spiritually sabotage what we're trying to do with our kids, right?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Absolutely.\u00a0 It can bring the worst of out of them unwittingly, and we have some great Christian \u2013 conscientious Christian parents listening to us right now, and they want to do the best for their kids.<\/p>\n<p>Let me define this in one statement \u2013 grace-based parenting is treating your children the way God treats His children.\u00a0 Now, that didn't give you your definition, it just gave you your template in that we should treat our children the way God treats His.\u00a0 He is dealing with us in grace, and so that means that we don't make arbitrary standards that are not backed up biblically and make them moral issues.\u00a0 If we do that, we incite our kids to rebellion.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Illustrate that, please.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Hair color on our sons.\u00a0 Is there a biblical mandate against them changing their hair color?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Now, you bring up that illustration because you've had a little personal experience, right?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Yes, I have.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0In fact, down the hall here from the studio is a picture of Tim and his family.\u00a0 It's their Christmas picture one year, and the reason we have it hanging in our halls is it's a picture of what happens when parents totally live in license.<\/p>\n<p>[laughter]<\/p>\n<p>No, it is not a picture of that, it is a picture of \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 what happens when good parents go bad.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0We're going to rename this book before this is over.\u00a0 In fact, do you know what we're going to do?\u00a0 Some of our radio audience, they'd dare to look at this picture.\u00a0 We're going to put it on the Web.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 Now, you realize this is a couple of years ago.\u00a0 The kids have grown \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 sure, sure, and the \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0\u2026 you don't see Cody.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0We're going to tell the rest of the story later on.\u00a0 The point is the picture is there because Tim and Darcy speak at our Weekend to Remember Marriage Conferences, Rekindling the Romance arena events, and we have a picture of all of our couples and their families who speak at our conferences.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And this particular picture was taken \u2013 well, how old was Cody when it was taken?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0He was about 14 years old, I guess.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And what is Cody's natural hair color?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Brown.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And what is the color in the picture?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0It's kind of a burnt orange.\u00a0 I don't know, it's more \u2013 I thought it was very handsome on him.\u00a0 It's a great example, though, of what so many Christian parents make issues out of.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Now, tell us the whole hair story.\u00a0 How did it happen?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Do you want to do that now or later?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0No, tell us now?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Oh, we were on vacation \u2013 the vacation of a lifetime, the vacation you save up for for years.\u00a0 We had taken our kids to Europe, and we were in Switzerland.\u00a0 Darcy and the girls are in a car up front with the lady we had rendezvoused with, and we were going to stay with her for a couple of days, and we're following in a rental car.\u00a0 And I said, \"Look, should we get separated, we'll just pull over wherever we are, and then when you notice that we're not there, just double back and get us,\" because I had not figured out where we're going, I didn't have a map, I didn't have an address.\u00a0 Well, sure enough, we lost them.\u00a0 We're pulled over to the side of the road, and I said, \"Well, kids, we may be here a while.\u00a0 Boys, what do you want to talk about?\"\u00a0 Cody said, \"Dad, I'd like to talk about me dying my hair and bleaching my hair.\"<\/p>\n<p>Now, here we are in the middle of Europe, in Switzerland, we'd never been there before.\u00a0 We have had so many things on our agenda \u2013 I give my children a chance to set an agenda, and this is what's on the front of his mind.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Had he walked by a shop or something?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0No.\u00a0 No, it was on the front side of the style.\u00a0 You've got to understand that this was not on the backside.\u00a0 Right now, a lot of parents hearing are saying, \"What's the big deal?\"\u00a0 Well, it's because it's become more in vogue, even for Christian kids, but when he said it, that was back when, you know, you put it \u2013 you know, \"Oh, these are kids from prison who are going to strip your car\" or something like that.\u00a0 You know, it was just different back then.\u00a0 And it was where my teaching on grace had to kick in, and it's just like, I just sensed the Lord saying, \"Now, just listen to this boy.\u00a0 Listen to him.\"\u00a0 Keep in mind, now, what is he doing?\u00a0 He's asking.\u00a0 What do a lot of kids do?\u00a0 They just go do it, and they just come showing up at home with it \u2013 went over to their friend's house.\u00a0 Because grace had given us a relationship up to that point, where he wanted to do something, but he wasn't going to move beyond permission of his parents on something that was like this \u2013 but he asked me.<\/p>\n<p>And we talked about it.\u00a0 We talked about some of the reasons why some people have problems with that.\u00a0 But not once could I come up with a moral reason or a biblical reason and, Dennis and Bob, I've found that people that try and come up with them \u2013 they're reading into the Bible.\u00a0 We've got to be very careful on this regard that we don't read into the Bible, because that's called taking God's name in vain.\u00a0 And a lot of Christian homes take God's name in vain to hold up arbitrary superficial standards that have nothing to do with the heart of God.\u00a0 But we make them issues, and it stirs our kids on to anger towards God.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Now, I'm sure somewhere in the conversation you said to him, \"Gee, it wouldn't be my preference that you would do this,\" or \"I don't think you'd look your best if you did this.\"\u00a0 Did that come up?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0I said, \"Here are my concerns.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Okay.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0I outlined what I thought were the concerns.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Which were?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, I said, \"For one thing, you are in a position of ministry in the church,\" because he played the guitar and the bass.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0So he's up front.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0He's up front.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0In front of the youth of \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0\u2026 in front of the youth.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0The whole church?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, occasionally they'd have him over in front of the whole church, because he was that good of a musician.\u00a0 And I said, \"So you've got to understand that you set an example, you are a pacemaker \u2013 pacesetter \u2013 and because of that\" \u2013 a pacemaker is even better, because, to a certain extent, he's like setting the beat of the spiritual heart of a lot of the kids around him who looked up to him.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And you went on to tell him that if he did this you could be brought in front of the church to be disciplined publicly?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0No, no, I did not.\u00a0 I did not say that.\u00a0 I knew that could happen.\u00a0 I knew that could cost me because of my role, much like you guys \u2013 you're family advocates.\u00a0 I knew that could cost me but, I'll tell you what, if you really want to bring the worst out of a Christian kid, make the reasons that they jump through all the hoops basically to make you look good.\u00a0 And that's a great way to tick a kid off and send him into rebellion.\u00a0 And we just had to work overtime, even though we're in a position, like you guys are, that people judge us by the behavior of our kids.<\/p>\n<p>And I'll tell you one \u2013 Colt, he's our youngest.\u00a0 He asked permission \u2013 \"Dad, can I get a Mohawk for spring break?\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I think I saw this picture, too.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0No, I don't think this one got out.\u00a0 He said, \"Dad, can I get a Mohawk?\"\u00a0 And I thought about it.\u00a0 I said, \"Well, it's spring break, and he's not in school.\"\u00a0 I said we'd have to cut all your hair off at the end, you know, but, yeah, fine, if you want to have that.\u00a0 He was about the same age as Cody at that time.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Are you beginning to get the picture, Bob, that this family picture, this photograph \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 there are some hair issues.\u00a0 We're talking about bad hair years for them, I'm afraid.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Keep going.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, anyway, I was off speaking on the weekend, but he had called me once again and asked my permission, and I said, \"Son, look, I don't care.\u00a0 For the spring break, yeah, that would be fine.\u00a0 I tell you what, I'm coming home, my flight's arriving Sunday evening, I'll come home, and we'll cut it when I get home.\"\u00a0 Because at that time I was cutting the boys' hair.<\/p>\n<p>Well, he said, \"Dad said I can get my Mohawk.\"\u00a0 Well, our daughter, Shiloh, said, \"Well, I can cut that for you.\"\u00a0 And so she gave him the Mohawk Sunday afternoon.\u00a0 He goes to church \u2013 he took Elmer's Glue and \u2013 the children's kind \u2013 and put it in the Mohawk to hold it up straight and went to church that night.\u00a0 Now, this is Tim Kimmel's son with a Mohawk.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0At the Sunday evening service.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0But I want to tell you something \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 at the Bible church.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0At the Bible church, but you know what?\u00a0 One thing that's neat about our church \u2013 it is a grace-based church.\u00a0 They don't judge the kids by things that God doesn't judge them by.\u00a0 They don't judge kids by things that don't matter.\u00a0 They look at the heart, and I was so grateful because I didn't get any grief from anybody.\u00a0 Some of my buddies teased me a little bit about it, but there was nothing condescending about \u2013 have you lost control of your family?\u00a0 Because what they look at the Kimmel kids about is what's coming out of their heart, not what's on the outside.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Let's go back to Switzerland.\u00a0 So what happens with the orange hair?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0I said to Cody, I said, \"Look, I need to talk to your mom about this, and if she doesn't have a problem with this, then fine.\u00a0 However, if Mom feels that she's just too uncomfortable with this, I am backing her, and I want you to just submit to that.\"\u00a0 And he says, \"Okay.\"\u00a0 So I went and talked with Darcy, and she said, \"Look, we really don't have any biblical grounds to say this is a moral issue,\" because it wasn't.\u00a0 So she says, \"I don't have a problem.\"<\/p>\n<p>Well, it just so happened where we were staying, this lady, a wonderful lady, a friend of her mom's was there, and her daughter was there, and she is the voice, the play-by-play voice for what would be the equivalent of ESPN in Europe.\u00a0 She speaks five languages, and she was a downhill racer for Switzerland's Olympic Team.\u00a0 But she blew out her knee, and so she now is a commentator.\u00a0 She had bleached the entire Switzerland soccer team's hair, and she had blond hair herself.\u00a0 So she says, \"I've got all the stuff.\u00a0 We can do it tonight.\"\u00a0 And we made a big deal.\u00a0 We took pictures of it, and we all gathered around and watched him get his hair colored and, I'll tell you, we went parasailing off of one of the mountains there, and Cody took off ahead of me, and then I \u2013 and this is when you're tethered to somebody else that actually knows what they're doing.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0We're not up to speed on it, yeah.\u00a0 He took off, and then I went off last, and we're gliding down over this little village, and we're up there suspended, and I looked over at my son, and I saw these little blond locks coming out from underneath his helmet and, I want to tell you, I was just so grateful \u2013 just so grateful to God for him, because he's a wonderful boy who loves Jesus with all of his heart, and he cares about his parents, he honors his siblings, he wants to be the light of the world, and I just said, \"Great, go for it.\"\u00a0 He's fine.\u00a0 And he's had a fabulous life in ministry as a teenager, and that has not been an obstacle to him.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Some parents facing the options that you faced would be concerned that what's reflected in the heart of a young man who wants to bleach his hair is counter-culturalism, rebellion, \"I want to hang with a different crowd than I'm hanging with\" \u2013 they'd be afraid that it's symptomatic of something more significant.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0That's exactly right.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Not just a fashion statement.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Right.\u00a0 I address that in a chapter in the book \"Grace-Based Parenting,\" because here is something we need to understand \u2013 suppose it truly is reflecting an uneasiness or a rebellion in their heart.\u00a0 Does it make sense to fight the symptom or does it make better sense to address the cause?\u00a0 It would be much like if you had some kid that went total Gothic, you know, and they're wearing black, and they have everything \u2013 zippers in their nose and Velcro in their face, and they're just gone totally \u2013 they've just lost control.\u00a0 You can fight each one of those things, but if it's reflecting a problem in their heart, it's much like a fever.\u00a0 When we get fevers, you don't go to the doctor and say, \"Give me something to get rid of my fever.\"\u00a0 Because the fever reflects an infection, he says, \"No, no, no, let's find where the infection is.\u00a0 Let's treat the infection; the fever will go away.\"\u00a0 And, by the way, Cody's hair is brown now, and he's kept it brown for a couple of years now, because \u2013 well, he was \u2013 he just got it all out of his system, and it did no harm.\u00a0 It meant nothing and, see, I'm so glad that we didn't make the mistake that it's so easy to spiritualize this thing and make a moral issue out of it that wasn't there, it isn't there.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Tim, what percent of Christian families are really grace-based parents?<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0To put a percentage on it would be hard, but I would love to quantify that.\u00a0 But, I want to tell you, it's the minority.\u00a0 You see, you can be a sold-out, vibrant Christian parent and not realize that your kids are embracing the faith through a legalistic framework.\u00a0 It's like this \u2013 you see, I get up and go to church because I love church, and I can't wait to get there.\u00a0 Why do our kids get up and go to church?\u00a0 Well, because they have to.\u00a0 I read my Bible every day because I love God's Word.\u00a0 Why do our kids do it?\u00a0 Well, because we either read it with them, to them, or we require them to read it.\u00a0 I memorize Scripture.\u00a0 They may, too, but it might be more to meet a requirement at their school or because we told them to.\u00a0 I don't use profanity.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 I don't want to dishonor God that way.\u00a0 Why don't they use profanity?\u00a0 Because they know they'd get in trouble if they did.<\/p>\n<p>You see, they're doing the exact same things we are doing, and they may get joy out of them, but our reasons for doing it has to do with a relationship at the heart level, and theirs may be much more at the head level and configured by their family.\u00a0 So that's how legalism can happen in kids, where the parents are really sold out, and that's why a lot of sold-out Christian parents would never think that their home is creating a legalistic framework.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And there is nothing wrong, when your kids are young, with involving them in those disciplines, even when it's not in their heart, necessarily, to do those things.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Well, I'm glad you mentioned that, because I'm not saying that we shouldn't make our kids go to church or watch their language or any of that stuff \u2013 of course, we should, and that's how I think I developed my love for church.\u00a0 It was just a habit as a kid, because I didn't really embrace Christ personally, deep down in my heart, until I was in my junior year of high school.\u00a0 But I was in church the Sunday after I was born \u2013 every Sunday.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, you're bringing up a subject here that is anchored throughout the Scriptures.\u00a0 In fact, one of my favorite verses that Barbara and I absolutely embraced and clung to as we raised our children is John, chapter 1, verse 14 \u2013 and it's speaking of Jesus here \u2013 \"And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory.\u00a0 Glory as of the only Begotten from the Father.\"\u00a0 Now, listen to this next phrase \u2013 \"Full of grace and truth, God chose to manifest Himself to us through the Lord Jesus Christ\" and chose to describe Him with these two incredible word \u2013 grace and truth.\u00a0 And for Barbara and me, it was the tension of truth and grace held against one another so that we didn't drop our boundaries, we had standards, we had convictions based upon the Scripture, but we also had the relational component, the love, the forgiveness, the mercy, the compassion to pick a child up when he or she had failed and to help them learn through their failures.<\/p>\n<p>I think what we want to do over the next few days here on FamilyLife Today is help individuals, whether single, married, or parent \u2013 help individuals understand what grace is, first of all.\u00a0 But then equip you to know how to express that grace to another human being, specifically your children as you raise them.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Tim's book is an asset in that regard.\u00a0 It's called \"Grace-Based Parenting,\" and it may challenge some of your parenting paradigms, but there is nothing wrong with a little challenge.\u00a0 It's good to sharpen iron from time to time and to test these things and hold them up to the Word and say where it is it falls short, where have my standards been extra biblical.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0He's got a real interesting section on tattoos we're going to talk about later on.<\/p>\n<p>Tim:\u00a0Oh, no.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0If you'd like to get a copy of the book, \"Grace-Based Parenting,\" contact us here at FamilyLife at 1-800-FLTODAY or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 It's available either in book form or as an audio book, and we have both of them in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 Tim has also written a book called, \"Little House on the Freeway,\" that's a classic about the issue of busy-ness we face as families, and anybody who wants to get your current book, along with \"Little House on the Freeway,\" we're going to include, at no additional cost, either CDs or cassettes of our week-long visit with Tim Kimmel.\u00a0 The toll-free number, again, to call is 1-800-FLTODAY or you can get more information about all our resources available from us here at FamilyLife when you go to our website at FamilyLife.com.<\/p>\n<p>I don't know who it was that wrote the music to \"Summertime and the Livin' Is Easy,\" but if things at your house are like things at my house, things don't get a whole lot easier in the summer.\u00a0 We've got kids going in different directions \u2013 there's summer camp, there's swimming, there's family vacation \u2013 and there's a lot going on here at FamilyLife as well.\u00a0 We've got our Rekindling the Romance one-day conferences for couples starting up next month; we've got some FamilyLife Weekend to Remember conferences continuing through the summer.<\/p>\n<p>We are committed to effectively developing godly families who change the world one home at a time, and that mission takes no vacation.\u00a0 We stay at it all summer long, and we appreciate those of you who this summer have contacted us and made a donation to FamilyLife.\u00a0 Those donations, throughout the summer months, are strategically important.\u00a0 In fact, they're critically important, as most of the time during the summer, we hear from fewer of our listeners than we do the rest of the year.<\/p>\n<p>So thanks to those of you who have contacted us and made a donation over the summer.\u00a0 We appreciate it, and we're glad to hear from you.\u00a0 When you contact us, if you'd like to make a donation to FamilyLife Today, you can do it online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 You can give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY or you can write a check and mail it to us, and if you need the mailing address, just get in touch with us, and someone on the team can pass it along to you.<\/p>\n<p>Well, tomorrow Tim Kimmel is going to be back with us, and we're going to talk about how parenting can be fun instead of fearful and what's the key ingredient to make that happen.\u00a0 I hope all of you can be back with us tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.<\/p>\n<p>________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300678","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300678"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300678"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300678"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300678"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300678"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300678"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300678"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}