{"id":300664,"date":"2004-07-15T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-07-15T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/fitting-in\/"},"modified":"2024-12-06T19:56:29","modified_gmt":"2024-12-07T00:56:29","slug":"fitting-in","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fitting-in\/","title":{"rendered":"Fitting In"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Today on the broadcast, author Wendy Widder and various guests give practical advice to singles on how to become an active part of the Body of Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Wendy Widder and various guests give practical advice to singles on how to become an active part of the Body of Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-07-15.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"11.42M","filesize_raw":"11972452","date_recorded":"2004-07-15 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2867],"tags":[4737,4689],"podcast_series":[7319],"cwp_profile":[8901],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300664","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-church-involvement","tag-being-single","tag-single","podcast_series-a-match-made-in-heaven","cwp_profile-wendy-widder","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300664\/fitting-in","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300664\/fitting-in","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"J9LEe3yAvN\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fitting-in\/\">Fitting In<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fitting-in\/embed\/#?secret=J9LEe3yAvN\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Fitting In&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"J9LEe3yAvN\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Wendy Widder and various guests give practical advice to singles on how to become an active part of the Body of Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-07-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>Wendy:\u00a0I think one of the first things singles \u2013 especially those who have been hurt by the church in the past \u2013 have to be willing to do is forgive and to move on and to recognize that, \"All right, the church messed up and maybe I messed up, too, but I'm part of a family here, and I'm part of the body, and I will make myself belong.\u00a0 I do belong here.\u00a0 What can I do to work that out?\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0This is FamilyLife Today for Thursday, July 15th.\u00a0 Our host is the president of FamilyLife, Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll talk today about how singles and the local church can love and serve one another more effectively.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to FamilyLife Today, thanks for joining us. Dennis, I've had occasion where, for whatever reason \u2013 my family's been out of town, or I've been in a different city, but I've gone to church alone.\u00a0 And I don't know how long it's been since you've gone to church alone, but it's a different experience going to church alone \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 it really is \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 than going as a family.\u00a0 First of all, you wake up on Sunday morning, and you think, \"Do I really want to get up and go to church?\"\u00a0 And, if I don't, nobody's going to know.\u00a0 You know, the accountability \u2013 it's all what you want to do.\u00a0 And then when you get there, who am I going to sit with?\u00a0 Who do I want to sit with?\u00a0 Do I want to sit by myself?\u00a0 What if I don't find anybody to sit with, and I don't like sitting by myself, and who am I going to talk to before and after \u2013 you don't feel that when you're getting the kids together, and you're all going to sit together as a family.\u00a0 But when you go alone, it's a different experience.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And when you go with your family, there are so many different \u2013 well \u2013 stops \u2013 to be able to connect with other people.\u00a0 You're dropping your kids off in the nursery or in Sunday School, or you're engaging people before you sit down in the service, and then after the service, you've got kids running up, and they're begging to go to lunch and who with, and there's all these ways you can connect with the community of faith on a Sunday morning.\u00a0 But a single person, a person who doesn't have the rugrats hanging on and wanting to get together with other children \u2013 that single person is really in a \u2013 well, they can be left in a lonely state but with a real decision \u2013 am I going to reach out?\u00a0 Am I going to go to church, first of all, as you talked about, and then, once I get there, what's my responsibility to begin to reach out to those people around me?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0We wanted to spend some time tackling some of these issues this week, because we came across a book called \"A Match Made in Heaven,\" by Wendy Widder, who joins us in the studio this week.\u00a0 Wendy, welcome back to FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Thank you.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0We also have a studio audience of singles who have joined us to interact over some of these issues, and welcome to our audience.\u00a0 Everybody say hi.<\/p>\n<p>All:\u00a0Hi.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0With the audience, you have to tell them to speak, or they'll just nod.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Right.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Because it's a radio program, they don't want to make too much noise in the middle of a radio program.\u00a0 Wendy, you made the statement once that singles can feel a little like being a dill pickle in a fruit salad, especially at church.\u00a0 Explain why and what you meant by that.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Wait a second \u2013 a dill pickle \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 in a fruit salad \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 in a fruit salad?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Like, you're messing everything up.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0That's right, it certainly doesn't fit.\u00a0 The majority of church activities, it seems, are centered around families, and when you come in as a single, you don't fit, and that's pretty evident in a lot of churches.\u00a0 You just don't belong there.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Did you feel that when you went visiting churches in your new hometown, just like, \"I don't belong here?\"<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And why?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Everybody has their family to sit with; everybody, as Dennis said, has kids to drop off and people to meet and places to go, and if you come in as a single, especially if the church doesn't have a singles ministry, you are really out in left field, trying to figure out how on earth to get into the game.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I had a friend of mine who was really irritated that he attended a church for two or three weeks in a row and not a single person spoke to him.\u00a0 One of the cool things about the church in the 21st century is we have big churches that have big programs and have massive numbers of people worshipping on Sunday morning, but one of the weaknesses of the big church is that it can be, at points, very impersonal, especially for a single person who is trying to find a place to connect.\u00a0 Have you found that to be true?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 The bigger the church, the harder it is.\u00a0 And I face that challenge, too, as someone who has been in a church.\u00a0 You look around, and you're not sure who is new.\u00a0 You're not sure who hasn't been attending for five weeks already, and you should have said hi three weeks ago.\u00a0 I mean, that's the challenge.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And in our culture of privacy, I look at people who come and go, \"Do they want somebody to talk to them?\u00a0 Or am I going to make them feel uneasy?\"\u00a0 You know, churches have this funny way, as they introduce different people who are visiting.\u00a0 Some will say, \"Let's have all the members stand up and all the people who are visiting remain seated.\"\u00a0 Others will say, \"Let's have all the people who are visiting stand up.\"\u00a0 Other will say, \"Look around and see if you know anybody who is \u2013 who you don't recognize and introduce yourself.\"\u00a0 There is just this awkwardness about how can we make people feel comfortable?\u00a0 Do they want to be acknowledged or not?\u00a0 And that's true whether you're married or whether you're single, but it's a part of the tension that you feel.\u00a0 Here I am, a married guy \u2013 let's say I see a single woman in her 30s visiting the church.\u00a0 Should I go over and introduce myself and say, \"Hey, welcome, glad to have you here?\"\u00a0 Or is that going to be awkward?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0It may be awkward, but I would suggest you should do it appropriately.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And bring my wife along with me, right?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Probably.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, what I think is happening on Sunday morning, though, is I think you have a ton of people who all have their own agendas, and they're coming with their own worries, their own set of concerns.\u00a0 Maybe it was the argument they had with their spouse or with a kid on the way to church that morning, or a single person who had a weekend alone and is feeling sorry for himself or herself.\u00a0 So we arrive at church on Sunday morning, and I think, too many times, we're waiting for someone to reach out to us when what we need to do is reach out to others and begin to introduce ourselves to other people in the church and begin to engage and ask some questions about how you might be able to fit in.<\/p>\n<p>I want us to talk today, Wendy, just about how a single person can do a better job of getting into the fabric and the fiber of a local church.\u00a0 So I want you to help singles, now, because we have a lot of singles who are listening to this broadcast who have given up on the church.\u00a0 They may attend a church, but they're not involved in small groups; they're not really getting a lot of takeaway; truth be known, they may be going there hoping to find someone.\u00a0 But help a single in the local church to begin to be a part of what the local church is all about.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0I think one of the first things singles, especially those who have been hurt by the church in the past, have to be willing to do is forgive and to move on and to recognize that, \"All right, the church the church messed up and maybe I messed up, too, but I'm part of a family here, and I'm part of the body, and I will make myself belong.\u00a0 I do belong here.\u00a0 What can I do to work that out?\" And so you have to be willing to forgive the past hurts.<\/p>\n<p>I think a second thing \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 before you go there, I'm going to ask our guests here in the studio \u2013 any of you really have an ouch when it comes to looking back over your experience as a single person with a local church?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You've been stung by a church you've been a part of before?<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 I can't really say I have personally, but the group I've been a part of over the past year or so, every one of them, it seemed, had a big beef, if you will, with the church and some things that have happened over the past couple of years.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Someone else?<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 I've had friends who said that in other churches they've gone to, because they were divorced, they felt like they were shunned.\u00a0 That, you know, now that you're divorced, we're sorry you can't teach this class, or you can't participate in this, or, well, you know, that you're a lesser citizen.\u00a0 And whether the divorce is your decision or your spouse's decision or however you get to that point, at some point you have to move on, and you have to have \u2013 I mean \u2013 if God will forgive you, shouldn't the church members forgive you?\u00a0 You know, I have a friend who had a child and, I know, in the singles group, we were in the younger singles group in those days \u2013 we were under 30 \u2013 and she had a child, and in that group I don't think anybody else did at that point.\u00a0 There may be one \u2013 no \u2013 I don't think anybody else did.\u00a0 And that was hard for her, because she felt like, even within the singles group, that, you know, she was odd man out, because anytime we went to do something, she had a kid.\u00a0 Did she bring the kid with her?\u00a0 You know, she couldn't afford to get a babysitter every time.\u00a0 And I think it's real easy for us to just \u2013 even among the singles, sometimes \u2013 to just say \u2013 to kind of put each other out or whatever.<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 I was a part of a church where it was a growing church, and so we always had space issues and, you know, trying to fit people where they needed to; where certain classes could go; and it seemed like it happened a lot with the youth group and with the younger singles group.\u00a0 At that time, I was part of the college group.\u00a0 But whenever one group needed more space to move into a different area, it was usually where the singles group was, and so the singles group would get kicked out, you know, get moved to a closet somewhere, to have Sunday School class.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0As single people, again, attempt to connect in the local church, you've exhorted them, first of all, to forgive.\u00a0 You were about to mention a second thing before I rudely interrupted you, Wendy.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0This goes along with forgiving, but I think we singles have to be careful how we speak about the church.\u00a0 It's easy for us to be the victim and to point out all the things that the church has done wrong and forget that we're part of it.\u00a0 And we're not winning any battles by speaking ill of the church.\u00a0 We're really wounding ourselves, and we belong to the body, and so I think we have to learn to season our words with a bit more grace, and that goes along with the forgiveness.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You really pointed singles to a different path than I think many of us follow in trying to resolve some of these issues.\u00a0 I think a lot of singles might look around and go, \"I don't fit here, and so I'm moving on.\"\u00a0 There'd never be the conversation with the church leadership; there'd never be any attempt to try to raise an issue and see if it can be bridged.\u00a0 There's just the consumer mentality that says, \"You know, I didn't find what I was looking for, I'll go to the next store.\"\u00a0 You think singles need to make the extra effort to at least raise the issue before they would eventually move on?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Yes, and not just singles.\u00a0 In our culture, we come, and we attend and leave churches easily.\u00a0 We change them as fast as we might change hats, and there's something wrong about that.\u00a0 We don't approach the church as if we really have a commitment to it, and I \u2013 that was one of the reasons I liked the title of my book, \"Match Made in Heaven.\"\u00a0 I wanted to think of this as I've sort of married myself to this church.\u00a0 I've committed to this church, for better or worse, and as long as I'm in this area, and they're remaining doctrinally pure, and those kinds of things aren't issues, I'm stuck here.\u00a0 I'm stuck in this relationship, and how can we work together and just as in a marriage.\u00a0 It's not easy, they tell me.\u00a0 And there you have to be committed through thick and thin, better or worse, and you work it out.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0It, frankly, is one of the beefs I have about the single community, is that there isn't enough perseverance; there isn't enough, really, hard commitment to try to make things work and to work things through.\u00a0 Singles like to keep their options open.\u00a0 They don't like to place their bets and say, \"Here is where I'm going to go to church.\"\u00a0 And so there aren't many singles listening today who can identify with your statement \u2013 \"I've been a part of this church for 30 years,\" because they're still shopping churches.\u00a0 There are some that aren't a member anywhere.\u00a0 Is that healthy?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0No.\u00a0 I call them \"satellite singles\" or \"smorgasbord singles.\"\u00a0 Singles ministries exist in communities all over town, and they all have their different things that they offer, and I have had friends who shop around, and you take the best of what's available \u2013 Bible study here, volleyball team there, missions trip here, and you shop around, and you just get the best of everything, and you might call yourself a member of a church, but you don't really commit to it.\u00a0 And I don't have a problem with taking advantage of opportunities for service and for fellowship in other churches.\u00a0 That's not the beef I have.\u00a0 But if you fail to commit to one local church, not only are you missing out on what you can gain from being part of the body, but they're missing out on what your gifts are and what you have to contribute to them.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Mm-hm, I agree.\u00a0 We have some laughter in the audience, and I'm just wondering if it needs to be publicly shared what you're laughing about, Jared [sp].<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 Exactly what she says \u2013 I mean \u2013 you see it all the time \u2013 they just don't want to commit, and they just want the next best thing.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0So if the church down the street offers Krispy Kreme with the coffee \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 \u2026 we're going.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0I want to be careful, because that better option thing is one of the \u2013 can be one of the positive aspects of singleness.\u00a0 I don't have to have a schedule that is so contingent on other people's schedules, like a spouse or my children.\u00a0 And so I do have a little more \u2013 I don't want to say I have more time, but I have a little more flexibility in my time and my scheduling, and that can be a great advantage.\u00a0 The disadvantage is when we use that for our own benefit all the time, and we hold out for the better option.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I'm not talking about flexibility.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0I know.\u00a0 I just wanted to be careful not to slam all my single friends.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I'm not going to slam the singles, either.\u00a0 I love them, or we wouldn't be having these broadcasts.\u00a0 I just see a tremendous need.\u00a0 If you're going to grow spiritually, you've got to sink some roots down.\u00a0 You've got to place your bets.\u00a0 You can't keep living life like you're waiting for the next trip, waiting for the next program, waiting for the next girl you're going to meet, or the next guy you're going to meet.\u00a0 Instead, you have to say, you know what?\u00a0 This is where God's called me.\u00a0 I'm single.\u00a0 I don't know if I'm permanently single and have the gift of celibacy, but I want to fulfill what God has for me.\u00a0 And the mistake I've seen too many singles make is, they're circling the field, but they never land the plane.\u00a0 Does our audience agree with that?<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 Yes.<\/p>\n<p>Unidentified Speaker:\u00a0 I want to say that if you go to a church where, say, basically everything else is fine but the singles group isn't very active or there isn't very much that, you know, you have the ability to create those things.\u00a0 You can take the initiative.\u00a0 It's very easy to sit back and do nothing.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You know, healthy relationships involve commitment, self-sacrifice, forgiveness, I mean, those are characteristics of any kind of a healthy relationship, a healthy marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah, but they also involve one other thing you didn't mention.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Which is?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Pain.<\/p>\n<p>[laughter]<\/p>\n<p>No, seriously, any relationship that has any depth to it has pain attached to it, and I think singles sometimes, because of their tendency to idealize relationships \u2013 they get wounded by the local church, by people there, and they, \"I can just go somewhere else.\"\u00a0 And \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 welcome to the cycle, right?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Exactly.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0What's going to happen at the next place?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0The same thing.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I mean \u2013 all of my adult life has been one long process of learning you know what?\u00a0 I have to let go and forgive when people hurt me, whether I'm single, whether I'm married, or whether I'm a parent.\u00a0 And if you don't let go, what do you become?\u00a0 A bigger old person.\u00a0 You make those choices one at a time.\u00a0 You string them together, and they become a life.\u00a0 And I just think singles today really need to keep short accounts.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0So whether it's friendship or whether it's a relationship with others in the body of Christ as a whole, if singles, Wendy, aren't committed, if they don't sacrifice themselves, if they don't press into the pain and offer forgiveness, they're just going to bounce around and maintain shallow, superficial, unfulfilling relationships, aren't they?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Yes.\u00a0 And every program that the church tries to do to help matters won't.\u00a0 Because if the singles aren't committed to saying, \"All right, you try it, we'll see if it works.\u00a0 If it doesn't, we'll try something else, and I'm here.\u00a0 I'll stick around, and I will work with you to help you understand me, but I also want to understand you and how can we make this work.\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I think married people could easily say the same thing that singles say.\u00a0 You know, we come here, and we still have marriage problems, we still have problems with our kids, we're going to go to some other church.\u00a0 We're going to find another place to belong.\u00a0 We get hurt, our needs aren't being addressed.\u00a0 I think the word today for singles is, as you just said, Bob, make a commitment, forgive, press into the pain, and persevere and don't give up and keep growing.<\/p>\n<p>And, Wendy, I want you to make, as straight as you can say it, a word of exhortation to that single woman or man right now who has given up on the church.\u00a0 I mean \u2013 that's off the radar screen.\u00a0 They listen to Christian radio, read some good Christian books that are on the bestseller list, listen to Christian music, but they've given up because it \u2013 the local church \u2013 is irrelevant.\u00a0 What would you say to them?<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Part of Christianity is the love that we have for each other.\u00a0 And if you're not involved in a local church where those kinds of relationships are happening in the hard times and good times, then I don't want to question someone's salvation, but I wonder if that's really Christianity.\u00a0 Christianity apart from the church \u2013 it doesn't exist.\u00a0 Christ came, and when He died and was raised again and went back to heaven and sent the Holy Spirit, the church was born.\u00a0 We're part of it.\u00a0 And if someone wants to claim to be a Christian and not be involved in a church because they don't need it or \"I've been hurt\" or \"I can learn these things other places,\" I don't think so.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0I think it was Augustine who said \"He cannot have God for a father who does not also have the church for a mother.\"\u00a0 The relationship there is that integral, and if this is the body of Christ \u2013 and I know somebody can say, \"Well, yeah, I'm a part of the universal church that\" \u2013 well, okay, how is that being lived out.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0And Paul didn't write letters to the universal church.\u00a0 He wrote letters to the local churches who had problems.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And what you're saying is if God be our Father, and we are followers of Christ, we are going to be drawn to spend time with other people \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0\u2026 our brothers and sisters \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 yeah, who are Christ followers.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0Christ our brother and other Christians are our brothers and sisters.\u00a0 We're a family.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0We could think of your book as Wendy's letter to the churches scattered abroad through America, couldn't we?\u00a0 Part of \u2013 not that we're putting you on \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0\u2026 no, please don't do that \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 apostolic ground here \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0\u2026 definitely not.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Wendy's written a great book.\u00a0 It's called \"A Match Made in Heaven,\" and it's a book not just for singles, it's a book for anybody who cares about the church of Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, I was just thinking, Bob, we've been doing radio for 12 years.\u00a0 This is the first time we have ever really had a guest, male or female, claim apostolic authority.<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0I didn't claim it, you gave it to me, and I don't want it.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0When the words gets back to Grand \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Wendy:\u00a0\u2026 take it back \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 to Grand Rapids, when the word gets back to Grand Rapids \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 she could be in trouble, do you think?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I don't know about tar and feathering.\u00a0 It may not be out back there.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Well, let me be clear on Wendy's behalf \u2013 she is not claiming apostolic authority for her writing, but we do have copies of her book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 Again, the title of the book is \"A Match Made in Heaven.\"\u00a0 You've also written a book for singles called \"Living Whole Without a Better Half,\" which deals with a lot of the issues that singles face as singles.\u00a0 We have both of the books in our FamilyLife Resource Center, and if folks want to order both of them, we can send along, at no additional cost, the audio of this series, either on CD or on cassette.\u00a0 So contact us at 1-800-FLTODAY or go online at FamilyLife.com and let us know what you need.\u00a0 We'll get you fixed up and get these resources sent out to you.\u00a0 Again, our toll-free number is 1-800-FLTODAY or you can order online at FamilyLife.com.<\/p>\n<p>You know, I saw the e-mail not long ago from one of our listeners who is single who said she listens virtually every day to FamilyLife Today and one of the reasons for that is, she said, that she hopes one day that God might open the door for her to have a husband and have a family, and she wants to learn now what she'll need to know then so that she can be a godly wife and a godly mom.\u00a0 She said she did not grow up in a home where she saw that modeled, and so she's trying to learn from other places how she can live to honor and glorify God in her marriage and family, should God open that door for her at some point in the future.<\/p>\n<p>And that's our mission here at FamilyLife.\u00a0 We want to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\u00a0 And whether you're single or married, whether you have children or you're childless, we want to be here to help equip you to win in life's most important relationships \u2013 your relationship with God and your relationship with friends and family members.\u00a0 This particular person who sent us a note also said she supports FamilyLife Today as a Legacy Partner.\u00a0 Legacy Partners provide monthly support for this ministry and, I'll tell you what, during months like July and August, when typically donations are down, it's our Legacy Partners who help make sure that there's enough money to pay the bills at the end of the month, and we appreciate you.<\/p>\n<p>If you're not a Legacy Partner, and you'd like to find out more about becoming a Legacy Partner, call us at 1-800-FLTODAY or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 There's information available there.\u00a0 If you are a Legacy Partner, don't forget that this month our way of saying thank you for your contribution to our ministry is to provide you with a book called \"The Christian Husband,\" and you can simply request that when you send in your monthly contribution to FamilyLife Today.\u00a0 Once again, for more information about becoming a Legacy Partner, go to our website at FamilyLife.com or give us a call at 1-800-FLTODAY.<\/p>\n<p>Well, tomorrow we're going to continue to look at the relationship between singles and local churches and find out what both the singles and the local churches can do to make those relationships work better.\u00a0 Wendy Widder will be back with us, our studio audience will continue to be with us tomorrow, and we hope you'll be back as well.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you next time for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.<\/p>\n<p>________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.FamilyLife.com\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300664","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300664"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300664"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300664"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300664"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300664"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300664"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300664"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}