{"id":300636,"date":"2004-06-16T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2004-06-16T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-huge-job-of-fathering\/"},"modified":"2024-12-06T19:43:35","modified_gmt":"2024-12-07T00:43:35","slug":"the-huge-job-of-fathering","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-huge-job-of-fathering\/","title":{"rendered":"The Huge Job of Fathering"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Does your son know how to treat a woman, or how to choose a mate? Steve Farrar, author of Anchor Man and founder of Men&#8217;s Leadership Ministries, shares more coaching tips for dads.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Steve Farrar, founder of Men&#8217;s Leadership Ministries, shares more coaching tips for dads.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-06-16.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:","filesize":"3.57M","filesize_raw":"3740736","date_recorded":"2004-06-16 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[4727,4277],"podcast_series":[7312],"cwp_profile":[3176],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300636","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","tag-dads","tag-fathers","podcast_series-anchoring-your-family-in-christ","cwp_profile-steve-farrar","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300636\/the-huge-job-of-fathering","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300636\/the-huge-job-of-fathering","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"RkK4KdRaJD\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-huge-job-of-fathering\/\">The Huge Job of Fathering<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-huge-job-of-fathering\/embed\/#?secret=RkK4KdRaJD\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Huge Job of Fathering&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"RkK4KdRaJD\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Steve Farrar, founder of Men's Leadership Ministries, shares more coaching tips for dads.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2004-06-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad\u00ad<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Well, ladies and gentlemen, what an unbelievable finish to an unbelievable game.\u00a0 After being completely dominated by their children in the first half of this game, the parents, under the superb tutelage of Coach Steve Farrar fought their way back and on the last play of the game tied up the score with their children, sending this game into overtime.\u00a0 That means that each team will leave the field for a few minutes for additional coaching tips, and let's go down right now to our man on the field, that would be Dennis Rainey.\u00a0 Dennis, are you there?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I'm there, Bob.\u00a0 It's been an exciting game, you know, we were really down at half-time.\u00a0 Those listeners who were with us yesterday know that the children, they had us mugged.\u00a0 They had the dads \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 that's right, Dennis.\u00a0 We're going back in the locker room \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 we're going to go back to the locker room with Coach Farrar.\u00a0 We had so many dads call yesterday saying, \"Hey, man, you only gave us a dozen or so of those coaching tips.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0But those coaching tips turned the game around.<\/p>\n<p>[crosstalk]<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0We want our listeners to know it's sudden death.\u00a0 We don't settle for a tie here.\u00a0 We need a victory.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0We need a victory.\u00a0 It's sudden death, and the dads have got to lead the family team to victory.\u00a0 So it's back to the locker room with Coach Vince Lombardi \u2013 I mean \u2013 Coach Steve Farrar, author of \"Point Man\" and also a new book that Steve has written called \"Anchor Man\" \u2013 how a father can anchor his family in Christ for the next 100 years.\u00a0 You know, that's a good book to take into the locker room, Bob, to talk about how you can pull out an overtime victory.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Well, Coach, you've got us to the point where we tied it up in regulation.\u00a0 We're back on your playbook at page 62, and we're going through the coaching tips.\u00a0 Have you got some more for us today?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Well, there's 50 here, Bob.\u00a0 He's got plenty more, I promise you.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0We'll be here for three weeks.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0This will be a triple overtime game.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0You know, another tip for kids, and you've got to start early with this, because it takes them a long time, is coach them to do a job right the first time.\u00a0 If you're taking out the trash, take it out right.\u00a0 If you're picking up your room, pick it up right.\u00a0 I just went through this before I came up here, with my 17-year-old.\u00a0 He got it 97 percent done, but 3 percent \u2013 and I'm thinking, \"How long is this going to take.\"\u00a0 But, you know, he'll get it, he'll get it.\u00a0 But teach him to do the job right the very first time around.<\/p>\n<p>Coach them to share their victories, their joys, their sorrows, their defeats, their hurts with you.\u00a0 And the way you do that is by listening.\u00a0 You know, David said, \"I love the Lord because He hears my voice.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And we tend to be, as dads, lecturers.\u00a0 We tend to think our job is to fix it and give you the answer and move on, rather than to hear what you're going through.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Yeah, and there's a part where they need some fixing, they need some coaching, but they need an open heart.\u00a0 They need to know they can get inside.\u00a0 I've said to guys at our conferences \u2013 your kids, when they hit adolescence, are either going to go to their peers and together, with their peers, critique you and your wife.\u00a0 Or when your kids hit adolescence, they're going to go to you and your wife and, together with their parents, they're going to critique their peers.<\/p>\n<p>Now, what we want to have happen is for our kids to come to us and critique the peers.\u00a0 How do you ensure that will happen?\u00a0 By listening to them when they're young, by having an open-door policy.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And the way you end up listening to them is you pursue them.\u00a0 It's a mistake if a parent thinks a teenager is really going to pursue them during the most self-centered time of their entire lives.\u00a0 A teenager is very self-absorbed, and so a father has got to realize that if you're going to listen, you've not only got to be there, which means we've got to be careful about the number of hours we work.\u00a0 We talked about that on yesterday's broadcast.\u00a0 But we've got to be all there, and you've got to be pursuing them around the issues they're facing and, as you ask questions and you get an answer, you don't just take the answer for face value.\u00a0 Dads are the worst at this.\u00a0 I mean, we're notorious for the two-minute answer.\u00a0 We don't give the Technicolor, full report of what took place.\u00a0 We'd rather boil it down to its essence, and that bites us when it comes to a teenager.<\/p>\n<p>What's another coaching tip?<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0You know, before I give one, Dennis, I have to tell you something that's very interesting.\u00a0 I wrote this book a year and a half ago, and as I was flying up here this morning to meet with you guys and be on the broadcast, I was rereading this book that I had written, and I was going through these coaching tips, and I have to tell you, this morning I was convicted about several areas out of my own book, where in the last three to four months I've dropped the ball.\u00a0 And just as you were sitting here talking about listening and talking about pursuing, I've been finishing another book.\u00a0 And so my evenings have been tight.\u00a0 You know what?\u00a0 I haven't, over the last couple of months, spent the time with my boys in the evening that I should have.<\/p>\n<p>So it's kind of ironic.\u00a0 I'm sitting here, you know, offering coaching tips to people.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0It happens all the time, Steve, when you're behind the microphone.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0It happens \u2013 listen \u2013<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Whether it's your stuff or somebody else's stuff, you get a reminder.\u00a0 I mean \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0\u2026 it's weird, though, to read your own stuff and be convicted.\u00a0 You know what I'm saying?\u00a0 Gee, who is this guy?\u00a0 Well, I'm \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 that's exactly right.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0But this is just real life and you know what?\u00a0 I need to be reminded of these things, because fathering is a huge job.\u00a0 It's like learning to ride a bike.\u00a0 How do you do \u2013 you find balance by losing it.\u00a0 So you go too far to the left, then you go to the right, and then somewhere you're going to find the balance.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And just be encouraged \u2013 if there's a dad listening right now who is feeling like I'm really out of balance here \u2013 just be encouraged that all of us get out of balance, and the key is, get back up again.\u00a0 There aren't any perfect fathers.\u00a0 Nobody's done it right.\u00a0 There's only one who has a capital \"F\" whose name is Father who is perfect from the start all the way to eternity.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Yeah.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Well, the example we've always heard is that the guys who hit the most homeruns are the guys who strike out the most.\u00a0 If you want to hit the homeruns, you've got to take your at-bats, and you've got to swing and get a lot of strikes along the way.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I tell you, we're all pontificating here.\u00a0 The game \u2013 the overtime is about to \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0\u2026 the clock is ticking \u2026<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0\u2026 it is ticking, Steve.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Here is a big one for all of us \u2013 coach them to do what's right when no one else is around, because Jesus is always around.\u00a0 And Jesus will reward them because they have character.\u00a0 There's a great Proverb \u2013 Proverb 15, verse 3 says, \"The eyes of the Lord are in every place watching the evil and the good.\"\u00a0 Someone asked my youngest boy, Josh, a few months ago about character.\u00a0 I just happened to be there, and, I have to tell you, it was one of those moments where I was very grateful to the Lord.\u00a0 They asked me about character and what it was, and Josh said to them, he said, \"Well, there's a difference between character and reputation.\u00a0 Reputation is what people think you are.\u00a0 Character is what you are when no one else is around.\"\u00a0 And I thought, \"Thank you, Lord, that he picked that up.\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, Steve, and it's good that you put this in terms of a coach, because we can't control our children to do what's right always.\u00a0 You know, as they grow up, they have to make it their own choice.\u00a0 But we can be a coach, and what's a coach doing?\u00a0 When the running back has got the ball and running down the sidelines toward the end zone, he's yelling his fool head off \u2013 \"Keep going, keep going, I'm for you, I'm cheering you on.\"\u00a0 And that's what dads need to do with their kids.<\/p>\n<p>In fact, I was reminded this weekend in a meeting we had with two other parents.\u00a0 This dad, his gift is encouragement and, you know, I'm looking at a set of circumstances with my child through my eyes.\u00a0 This dad is looking at it through his eyes.\u00a0 My eyes may be to think about the standards and calling young people to high standards.\u00a0 This dad's strength and spiritual gift he has is encouragement and cheering that child on.\u00a0 And you know what?\u00a0 I think we both left that meeting a set of two parents there, both raising standards and also raising encouragement, and a coach is an encourager.\u00a0 He's cheering that child on when he makes a right choice, because it's tough to be a teenager today, and they need to know you're for them, you recognize their right choice, and you're thrilled that they're growing up.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0I remember the FamilyLife conference and the section on Dad.\u00a0 There was a phrase in there, \"Praise them for their character.\u00a0 When you see those character choices being made.\"\u00a0 I mean, we get excited when our kids learn to hit a curve ball, but when they hit a moral curve ball, we need to jump up and just go crazy.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You're exactly right.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Here's another one \u2013 coach them not to lie before they get into the habit.\u00a0 And the other thing about lying is \u2013 make the consequences for lying severe.\u00a0 Lying will destroy your lives.\u00a0 Lying is a corrosive.\u00a0 What does lying do?\u00a0 It destroys trust.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You know, I heard someone say once, and I thought this was interesting \u2013 they said if it's hard for someone to lie, it's hard for them to do any kind of sin.\u00a0 If it's easy for them to lie, then they can sin and think, \"I can cover that up.\"\u00a0 But if it's hard to lie, there's that natural checkpoint that if I'm caught, I have to tell the truth, and that's one of those restrainers that keeps us from sin.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0The core of lying is deceit, and wrapped all around deceit is hiding.\u00a0 It's hiding the truth or hiding from the truth or denying the truth, and if we don't teach our children to embrace the truth, we're training them, in my opinion, to grow up to be maybe successful basketball players, football players, baseball players, businessmen, maybe businesswomen but, you know, you've got to train, at the very core, that character issue.\u00a0 And, you know, there's a couple of times in a child's life when this is really important.\u00a0 We've found that children go through a lying phase somewhere around four or five and then again 9, 10, 11 \u2013 just around some major change points, and it's very important that you work hard, just as you've coached us here, Coach Farrar, to really nip that lying in the bud before \u2013 before it becomes a habit.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0And, Dennis, I think there is one other phase that can come about, and that's around the 16-year-old phase, because when they get their driver's license, and they want the freedom, sometimes \u2013 we've had this happen in our home \u2013 we find out there's hedging on the truth because they think if they tell the whole truth they're not going to be able to do what they want to do.\u00a0 So all the facts aren't given.\u00a0 That's what we've run into here recently that we're working on a little bit.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0And, again, if the punishment for lying is severe, they understand that if I tell the truth, I'll get in trouble, if I cover it, I'll get in a lot of trouble.\u00a0 They'll take their medicine, often, at that point.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0And, you know, the other thing we've got to let our kids know is, your sin will find you out.\u00a0 You cannot cover it.\u00a0 It will come out better for you \u2013 whenever we tell the truth, whenever we admit sin, whenever we quit covering up, we outflank the enemy.\u00a0 He doesn't have anything on me anymore when I tell the truth.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0All right, Coach, back to the playbook here.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Coach them that some things are more important than sports \u2013 although sports are important, coach them some things are more important, like Sunday worship.\u00a0 It's amazing to me how many parents are caving on this issue.\u00a0 You know, hey, football is important, basketball \u2013 but let me tell you something \u2013 there are some things that are absolute priorities, and Dad needs to set the pace.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0When you live in a major league town, and I know you live near a major league town, there are lots of folks who have made Sunday the day you go to the home games, and if church has to be sacrificed, well, you know, this is only a few times a year, right?<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Well, and I just think we have to watch this, and you don't want to get hard-nosed and legalistic about it, but I think the thing that has to come across to our kids, there are certain things in life that are a priority, and we don't cave on those things.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Dennis, as a part of trying to put some Sabbath guidelines in place around our house, we've made Sunday a no-TV day \u2013 also a no-computer day.\u00a0 And it's hard when the big game is on on Sunday afternoon or on Sunday evening, to explain to a dad or to a son why you're not going to turn on the TV and watch the game, and it can begin to feel a little like legalism to him at that point, but you're really talking about what you value, aren't you?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 You're talking about an island of clarity in the midst of a week of busy-ness and hurriedness, and I think part of the reason why we're so exhausted all the time, and so frantic, is we don't have that island.\u00a0 We don't ever unplug all of our electronic gadgetry and allow our souls to catch up with our bodies.\u00a0 We're so busy, and what you're talking about, Bob, is defining a conviction around one of God's commandments.\u00a0 And people can easily throw stones at you for your conviction.\u00a0 My question would be \u2013 what's your conviction then?\u00a0 How is it different for you?\u00a0 What are you going to do at your house on Sunday that's any different than the guy next door who doesn't proclaim to be a follower of Jesus Christ?<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0You don't have to decide what Dennis has decided or what Bob's decided or what Steve's decided \u2013 but decide something, right?<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Right.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Well, and that's what the Book of Romans talks about.\u00a0 You know, one man can eat meat offered to idols, another guy can't.\u00a0 One guy regards one day above another.\u00a0 So Dennis has a conviction for his day, I have a conviction.\u00a0 I don't put my conviction on Dennis; he doesn't put\u2014but, as Dennis said, you've got to have a conviction, and you live it out.\u00a0 In areas where the Scripture isn't black and white, we've got to come up with these things.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0All right, back to sports here.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, I'm looking at the clock and, Coach Farrar, I need five of the best coaching tips left on this list, because we're about to go out on the field, and it's sudden death.\u00a0 I mean, whoever scores first is going to win the big game.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0All right, here's a biggie \u2013 coach them to say no to movies that their friends, even their Christian friends, are going to.\u00a0 That's tough.\u00a0 And I think it's \u2013 we fight this all the time \u2013 \"Hey, Dad, can I go see \u2013 all the kids from the Christian school are going.\"\u00a0 Well, you know what?\u00a0 I read something called \"Preview\" that we get.\u00a0 It comes in the mail, it tells me what the content is of these different movies.\u00a0 We don't go to movies without reading \"Preview.\"\u00a0 That's just our standard.<\/p>\n<p>We've gotten to a point, I've had to say to my boys at certain times \u2013 \"Listen, I can't help it if your Christian friends have lousy fathers, excuse me.\u00a0 Just because a guy can write a check to a Christian school doesn't mean he's doing his job.\u00a0 If he's not aware of what's \u2013 listen, I'd love for you to go see that movie, but I know what's in that movie, and I know that movie is going to do damage.\u00a0 Now, when you're 18, and you're out of here, you're going to make your own choices.\"\u00a0 But I think this is something where we can't allow other people to call the shots in our family.\u00a0 We've got to call the shots.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0And, you know, I want to find out who is doing the survey that these teenagers all tap into that says, \"Everybody \u2013 everybody is going to see this.\"\u00a0 Because, in reality, no such survey exists, and there are a whole lot of Christian parents that aren't bowing their knee to all these different movies.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Okay, quick, quick, more tips, more tips.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Coach your son to be a gentleman.\u00a0 Coach him how to handle a relationship with a young lady.\u00a0 And, conversely, coach your daughter to be a lady.\u00a0 I remember Dennis would use the illustration about taking his daughter out on a date and going through the whole nine yards.\u00a0 He'd knock on the door, open the door, take her in the car.\u00a0 See, that's coaching.\u00a0 That's showing social graces.<\/p>\n<p>Let me give you another one.\u00a0 Coach them that when you say no, you mean no.\u00a0 Here is this line \u2013 \"If I have to tell you one more time.\"\u00a0 Well, why would you tell them one more time?\u00a0 You've said it.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0What did the first time mean?<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0What did the first time mean?\u00a0 And, again, it's a matter of drawing lines, drawing parameters, and when you're consistent, they'll get the message.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0You know, there's a couple more, Steve, I've got to get you to cover here.\u00a0 It's coaching tip 40 and 41.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Forty is coach them to know what to look for in a husband.\u00a0 I think our daughters \u2013 here's what happens \u2013 when they hit 15, 16, these young men will start circling your house, and I use that term very carefully \u2013 like buzzards.\u00a0 These young men are going to want to come into your daughter's life and build relationships.\u00a0 Here is what happens.\u00a0 I think our daughters take the grid of their father's life, and the grid of their father's example, and every young man that comes through that grid \u2013 if he \u2013 if the guy comes into her life, and he is disrespectful to her, he's going to bounce off of the grid of your example.<\/p>\n<p>One more, Bob, I think \u2013 I saw you coming \u2013 I saw you blindsiding me.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0He just put on his coach's hat there, he couldn't resist it.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0That's right.\u00a0 I saw him coming after me, Dennis.\u00a0 If a guy takes them out and starts to take advances physically, he's going to bounce off the grid of the example of your life, and you'll probably put a contract out on the guy's life because you're a protector, but then when a young man comes in who knows Jesus Christ, respects her, he loves the Lord, he comes from a godly family \u2013 he's going to fit the grid, he's going to fit the model of what she should be looking for because she's lived with it for 18, 19, 20 years.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0The other day I said to my oldest daughter, \"Honey, when the time comes that you start looking at a young man as a prospective husband,\" I said, \"What qualities that you've seen in me will you want him to have?\"\u00a0 And she started listing a few, and I wasn't asking for personal affirmation, I was coaching here.\u00a0 And then I said, \"What qualities have you seen in me that you'll hope he doesn't have?\"\u00a0 And it sparked a great conversation around what we look for, what we do, and helped her thinking about what will be one of the most significant choices she'll ever make in her life.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Okay, what about the young men \u2013 what should they look for in a wife?<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Well, and I think we really need to talk to our guys about this.\u00a0 I remember being \u2013 Josh and I went to Chick-fil-A.\u00a0 We were grabbing a sandwich, and I said, just out of the blue, you know, I said, \"So Josh, hey, you're 12.\u00a0 In 10 years you're going to be 22.\u00a0 You might find some gal when you're 22, it might be 24.\u00a0 What are you going to look for?\u00a0 What's your list?\u00a0 What are the things that are important to you?\"\u00a0 And we just started talking.\u00a0 He said, \"Well, you know, well, Dad, it's got to be somebody like Mom.\"\u00a0 I said, \"Okay, well, tell me about Mom.\u00a0 What's most important about Mom?\"\u00a0 He said, \"Well, I mean, Mom really loves the Lord.\"\u00a0 I said, \"That's right.\u00a0 That's got to be number one, then.\u00a0 What's another thing?\"\u00a0 \"Well, there's really got to be integrity there.\"\u00a0 \"Yeah, all right, what's that?\"<\/p>\n<p>We just started going down the list.\u00a0 And then I think we can help them and say, \"Let me tell you a trap.\u00a0 Some guys, all they can see is the outside beauty.\"<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0Yeah, the packaging.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0You know, \"Oh, man, look, wah, wah \u2013 and let me tell you something, that lasts about three days, and then you're in this for 50 years.\"\u00a0 You've got to look on the inside, and you've got to find a gal that is committed to Jesus Christ, and you've got to find a gal that loves him with all her heart, because you're going to get in situations that there's going to be nobody else in the world you can turn to except her.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I hear the bands playing out there.\u00a0 You've got to give them 47 quick, Coach.\u00a0 You've only got 30 seconds to give it to them.\u00a0 We've got to rush onto the field.<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Coach them that Daddy will never, ever, ever leave Mommy, ever.\u00a0 If you give your kids that, you've given them 95 percent.\u00a0 You can forget most of the rest of these.\u00a0 You give them that, your kids are going to be more secure, more emotionally well adjusted than their peers, because they live in an environment of consistency and security.\u00a0 Give them that, guys.\u00a0 Don't go anywhere.<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0Let me ask you, just before we go back out on the field \u2013 you're looking at the game all across the country, you're talking to dads.\u00a0 Do we have a chance to win this game?<\/p>\n<p>Steve:\u00a0Yes, we have a chance.\u00a0 But you know what?\u00a0 We've always been in the minority, and we need to understand that.\u00a0 The majority has never been moral.\u00a0 There's always been a remnant.\u00a0 When they went into the Promised Land, they were surrounded by pagan cultures against God.\u00a0 They were called to build godly homes in the midst of that.\u00a0 That's what we're called to do and you know what?\u00a0 There is always hope.\u00a0 I can't go change the nation by myself.\u00a0 I'd change it in my family, I'd change it by relationships, I'd change it by following Christ, and God is doing this \u2013 there are millions of homes that are doing this.\u00a0 I take care of my family, God is looking at the big picture.\u00a0 There's all kinds of hope.<\/p>\n<p>Dennis:\u00a0I think what Steve is saying is this is not a home game.\u00a0 This game is on the road, and we're playing in front of a hostile crowd but you know what?\u00a0 You can win on the road if you've got a good game plan, and that's what men need to have in Steve's book, \"Anchor Man.\"<\/p>\n<p>Bob:\u00a0We've got copies of the book available in our FamilyLife Resource Center.\u00a0 We also have copies of a book that you wrote, Coach, called \"Growing a Spiritually Strong Family,\" and we're encouraging listeners this week to call in and get both books, and when you do we'll add, at no additional cost, either the CD audio or the cassette audio of this week's conversation with Coach Farrar and Coach Rainey.\u00a0 Ask for the free CDs or the free cassettes when you order Steve Farrar's book, \"Anchor Man,\" and the book, \"Growing a Spiritually Strong Family\" by Dennis Rainey.<\/p>\n<p>The number to call to place your order is 1-800-FLTODAY or go online at FamilyLife.com.\u00a0 There's information available on our website about the resources, and you can order online, if you'd like.\u00a0 Again, it's FamilyLife.com or if you're calling, it's toll-free at 1-800-358-6329.\u00a0 That's 1-800-F-as-in-family, L-as-in-life, and then the word TODAY.<\/p>\n<p>Well, I don't know what you and your family have planned for the summer; whether you're making plans for a vacation, whether you're playing softball, or what you've got lined up this summer, but I am going to ask you to remember one thing in the midst of the summer schedule, and that is ministries like ours depend on donations from folks like you to keep going in the summer the same way we do the rest of the year.\u00a0 And, oftentimes, for programs like ours or \"Focus on the Family\" or for any of the programs you hear on this station, donations are down in the summer months.\u00a0 So if you can help us with a donation to keep FamilyLife Today strong during the summer, we would appreciate it.\u00a0 You can donate online at FamilyLife.com, you can call us at 1-800-FLTODAY to make a donation, or you can write out a check and mail it to us, and I'll give you the mailing address, all right?\u00a0 It's FamilyLife Today, Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas, the zip is 72223.\u00a0 Again, it's FamilyLife Today at Post Office Box 7111, Little Rock, Arkansas, and the zip is 72223.\u00a0 Got it?\u00a0 All right.<\/p>\n<p>Well, tomorrow we're going to continue to talk about things dads can do to make sure their families remain anchored in Christ, and we'll find out, Steve, what your dad did this morning to continue to anchor your family in Christ.\u00a0 I hope our listeners can be with us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team.\u00a0 On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine.\u00a0 We'll see you back tomorrow for another edition of FamilyLife Today.<\/p>\n<p>FamilyLife Today is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas, a ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ.<\/p>\n<p>________________________________________________________________<\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you.\u00a0 However, there is a cost to transcribe, create, and produce them for our website.\u00a0 If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would\u00a0\u00a0 you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/site\/c.dnJHKLNnFoG\/b.3782043\/k.384D\/Support_Us.htm\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright \u00a9 FamilyLife.\u00a0 All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a 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