{"id":300505,"date":"2018-12-28T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-12-28T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/complex-world-complex-answers\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:41","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:41","slug":"complex-world-complex-answers","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/complex-world-complex-answers\/","title":{"rendered":"Complex World, Complex Answers"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: David and Meg Robbins, Dennis and Barbara Rainey | Series: Answering Your Questions about Parenting | Dennis and Barbara Rainey team up with David Robbins, president of FamilyLife, and his wife, Meg, to answer more tough questions from listeners such as: How do I introduce technology to my kids? What should I say to my adopted kids? What does a grandmother do when she doesn&#8217;t agree with how her grandkids are being raised?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dennis and Barbara Rainey, together with David Robbins and his wife, Meg, answer more tough questions from listeners such as: How do I introduce technology to my kids? What should I say to my adopted kids?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Answers to tough questions from listeners such as: How do I introduce technology to my kids? What should I say to my adopted kids?","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-28.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:33:06","filesize":"30.31M","filesize_raw":"31784252","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2818,10350,10379],"tags":[2712,4674,4675,4474,4483],"podcast_series":[7277],"cwp_profile":[3576,3051],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300505","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adoption-and-orphans","category-digital-and-media-choices","category-grandparents","tag-adoption","tag-advice","tag-children-and-technology","tag-grandparenting","tag-screen-time","podcast_series-answering-your-questions-about-parenting","cwp_profile-david-and-meg-robbins","cwp_profile-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300505\/complex-world-complex-answers","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300505\/complex-world-complex-answers","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"No3LQOlMoa\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/complex-world-complex-answers\/\">Complex World, Complex Answers<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/complex-world-complex-answers\/embed\/#?secret=No3LQOlMoa\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Complex World, Complex Answers&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"No3LQOlMoa\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-28.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-28.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there is almost this voice that I think the enemy whispers in our ears: \u201cDon\u2019t tell them that you made this mistake! They are going to lose <em>respect<\/em> for you.\u201d Well, actually, they are looking for authenticity. They are looking, I think, to you\u2014\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014both Mom and Dad to know: \u201cHow do I handle failure when <em>I<\/em> encounter it?\u201d I think your mistakes, and how you handled it, and what you learned from it can be very beneficial to your children.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We appreciate, Phyllis, your calling and being a part of tonight\u2019s call. Thank you for your question, and thanks for being a Legacy Partner.\n\nI was just thinking back to the call we took from the woman in Kansas, David, who led <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> group. I was thinking about some of the stories we are hearing from people who are engaging with content through FamilyLife and how God is using that. It\u2019s really exciting to see the impact that the ministry has been having in people\u2019s lives.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; there\u2019s this mom in California, who called in and told us her story of\u2014she was an atheist for, really, the past 15 years until, about a year ago, when she came to know Jesus. Soon after that, finds out about this movie called <em>Like Arrows<\/em> that she heard about. She goes to the movie\u2014<em>weeps<\/em> through most of the movie, because of the way she is relating to her <em>own<\/em> son and seeing herself reflected in some of the mistakes in the movie that were being vulnerably displayed.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nAs she sat there, at the end, and was invited to text in to\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014find out more about the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> online experience, she texted in, through tears. She said, \u201cI want to go do this with others,\u201d\u2014went to her church and said: \u201cI want to do this with other people. Can I help lead this?\u201d They were like, \u201cWell, since you\u2019re a new believer, can we pair somebody up with you?\u201d [Laughter] They paired somebody up with her, who was in charge of the women\u2019s ministry. They\u2019ve been going through it, and just the stories and the conversations they were having has been quite amazing.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Legacy Partners make that kind of interaction possible.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, as you hear a story like that and go, \u201cThat\u2019s cool,\u201d you just need to be able to look at each other and smile\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and say, \u201cWe had something to do with this.\u201d\n\nLet me get back to some of our callers. We\u2019ve got Debbie, who is joining us from Pittsburgh, and has been on here for a long time. Debbie, thanks for hanging on with us; and thanks for joining us tonight.\n\n<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Thank you. How do you raise your children to want to love\/follow Jesus?\u2014make the choice for themselves and to know Jesus?\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How old are you kids, Debbie?\n\n<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Oh, well, we have six; and they range from 11 to 18. The oldest just went off to college. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is pretty common for kids in the elementary years to show spiritual interest. They want to please mom and dad\u2014they want to go along. Then, it\u2019s pretty common for some of those kids to get to the teen years and go, \u201cWe\u2019ve heard this for a while, and we want to be our own people.\u201d\n\nThat\u2019s scary territory, Barbara, for parents to go through.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; it really is. The most important thing you can do for your children\u2014especially in the junior high and high school years\u2014is to show them <em>your<\/em> faith; and for them to see that: \u201cThis is real for Mom and Dad. This isn\u2019t just something that they\u2019re teaching us. It\u2019s not just something that we have to do on Sundays. It\u2019s not just part of our ritual to pray for meals,\u201d and all of that.\n\nI think the most important thing is for them to see that you <em>really<\/em> love Jesus yourself, and that you can\u2019t live without Him, and that He is your everything.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nYou do that by talking about how God has worked in your life\u2014what God is teaching you\u2014and just say to your kids: \u201cI just saw the most <em>amazing<\/em> thing when I was doing my Bible study today. I want to tell you about it.\u201d That kind of enthusiasm about your own relationship with Christ will send a signal to your kids that: \u201cThis is really important to Mom.\u201d They may not <em>say<\/em> anything.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> They may roll their eyes, but one of the things we\u2019ve learned with our kids is\u2014all the eye rolls are really for affect. [Laughter] They\u2019re really hearing you, even though\u2014but they don\u2019t want you to know.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you see Dennis turn to Psalm 78? Did you know that\u2019s where he was turning?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; I didn\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I knew right where he was going.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob has heard this before, but Psalm 78 says there are two things we must teach to the next generation. Number one, we have to teach truth; but it also says what Barbara was talking about. You have to share your testimony, and a testimony is God at work within you.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nI think one of the reasons why we\u2019re seeing kids leave the church today is because they see their parents go to church on Sunday; and the other six days of the week, they are practical atheists. The kids are looking at Mom and Dad, going, \u201cWhere\u2019s God?\u201d\n\nBut when you come back at the dinner table, and while you\u2019re running errands, and you say: \u201cOh man! You\u2019re not going to believe what happened! When we arrived at the airport last night, we talk to the guy who drove us out to our car, where it was parked. We got to talk with him about his daughter, who has got major health issues, and pray with him.\u201d That was a powerful moment for Barbara and me; but it\u2019s also a powerful moment to allow your kids to eavesdrop about how God is using you, as a parent.\n\nThat doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re always doing it the right way. Let them venture into your <em>failures<\/em> and into when you didn\u2019t do what you were supposed to do\u2014like the number of months I jogged by this friend\u2019s house, who God was communicating to me: \u201cGo meet that guy. Go talk to him. See what his needs are.\u201d\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nI jogged by his house for two years, and I didn\u2019t do it. Those are lessons that your kids can glean from. Someday, when they are older\u2014and they are jogging by somebody\u2019s house and God\u2019s speaking to them\u2014maybe, they\u2019ll stop sooner than you did.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; Isaiah 57:[15] came to my mind as you were sharing that\u2014where God dwells in the high lofty place, and He also dwells in His power with the one who is lowly and contrite. I think, in those contrite moments, where we feel conviction\u2014and instead of hiding it from our kids, especially as they grow older\u2014<em>displaying<\/em> how God meets us in those moments; because\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I agree.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014not just being a believer of God but being a <em>lover<\/em> of God. Lovers show and tell of the things that they love.\n\nIf in those moments, where we get it off and we start loving other things more than we love God, our kids see it; you know? There\u2019s no doubt. There are times I start loving work more than pursuing Jesus with everything\/every ounce of my being than I want to. When that gets off, it impacts them; it impacts, you know, Meg. When I\u2019m able to come to them and go, \u201cLook, Dad\u2019s realized some things\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\nThere have been times where, yes, I\u2019ve gotten this backward some.\n\nThat leading out of vulnerability for this next generation\u2014it\u2019s not just authentic moments that have a\u2014stories that have a bow tied to it\u2014but those authentic moments of: \u201cI\u2019m coming to you, right now, <em>in the moment<\/em>, going, \u2018Dad\u2019s going to run to Jesus with this.\u2019\u201d Those are some of the most powerful moments.\n\n<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think, even in the relationship with our kids\u2014I mean, that\u2019s something that\u2019s\u2014it\u2019s so hard, but it\u2019s probably the thing I <em>see<\/em> impacting them a lot\u2014I see it. I know, with my parents\u2014I remember this\u2014but just apologizing when I\u2019ve done something wrong, or I\u2019ve lost my temper, or whatever it is. You know, not just the things in my life that I\u2019m sharing, but also the things that are affecting them, directly, in our relationship. It\u2019s hard to admit when we\u2019re in need of Jesus desperately, but that\u2019s what they need to see\u2014is why we need Jesus, I think.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Debbie, thanks for your call.\n\nStephanie is in Independence, Kansas; and she\u2019s been hanging on for a while now. She\u2019s got a question that I think is one that you guys are going to appreciate.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\nHi, Stephanie; thanks for being with us.\n\n<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Hi.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, your question is\u2014\n\n<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> We adopted a little boy, and he has been with us about a year-and-a-half. He\u2019s six now. He\u2019s always been in the foster care system, but he\u2019s never known his biological parents. We\u2019re just waiting for the day until he starts asking questions about them, and we\u2019re kind of nervous of what to say.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Barbara\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you want to dive in on this one?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I can take the first pass at that. One of ours is adopted; and even though she was never in the foster system, we knew almost <em>nothing<\/em> about her background. We didn\u2019t even have names. We had a few little physical characteristics that were given to us by the doctor, and that\u2019s all we knew\u2014that\u2019s all we <em>ever<\/em> knew. So, from the time she was six or seven, when she began to ask questions, we told her everything we knew. We told her we loved her and that \u201cSomeday, we\u2019re going to find those answers out,\u201d and \u201cSomeday, we\u2019re going to do this together.\u201d\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\nI think that helped her, because I think she understood that we were being honest with her. I think she understood that we were being\u2014we were telling her all that we knew. She also knew that we were for her and we were on her team, and that we were going to help her solve this dilemma that she was feeling, internally, even at six and seven.\n\nI think the other thing to know, too, is that\u2014over the years, as I\u2019ve been really involved in the adoption and foster care system for years now\u2014some kids just don\u2019t ask those questions. Some just really aren\u2019t all that concerned about what the details are of their background. Most are; but sometimes, there are kids that really don\u2019t care a whole lot.\n\nYou really need to take your cues from him and respond to whatever he asks\u2014talk about how he is feeling; ask him feeling questions. He may not know how to verbalize it; but he may be able to say, \u201cI\u2019m sad\u201d; and you can say, \u201cWhy are you sad?\u201d He may say\u2014like our daughter said and like a lot of adopted kids say\u2014\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014\u201cI\u2019m sad that I didn\u2019t grow in your tummy.\u201d\n\nThere are, sometimes, those kinds of questions that will lead to more conversation; but the key thing is to be honest and to let them know that you\u2019re on their team and that you will do whatever you can do to help them for all the years that they are in your home, because God provided them in your family.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Every 12-\/13-\/14-year-old child, whether they are bio-kids or adopted kids,\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014they are all asking the question: \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhat am I here for?\u201d \u201cWhat am I good at?\u201d There is kind of a double identity crisis that adopted kids face\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014many of them. Moms and dads just need to be aware of that and know, \u201cThis is a tough transitional stage for <em>all<\/em> kids to go through.\u201d We have to keep reminding them that their ultimate identity is not their biological identity\u2014it\u2019s their spiritual identity\u2014and just keep pointing them back in that direction.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, we have been listening to a conversation that took place with a number of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Legacy Partners, back several weeks ago, as we got a chance to interact about your new book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, and talk about parenting-related issues. It was a lot of fun, not only to interact and to talk about parenting issues, but to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to this group of folks who are the backbone of this ministry.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Legacy Partners make a <em>huge<\/em> difference, but they do not cover the total cost of this broadcast\u2014of keeping it coming to your car, to your computer, to your device that you listen on, or in your place of work. I just want to ask you, \u201cCould you stand with us, here, at yearend?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You make this daily radio program possible; and that\u2019s what we\u2019re asking you to support when you go, online, today and make a yearend donation to FamilyLife. Again, you can do that at our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also donate by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, thank you, in advance, for helping to support the work of this ministry and helping us start 2019 in a healthy place, financially.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about how we can slow life down in the new year. It\u2019s possible\u2014really, it\u2019s possible. We\u2019ll talk with Joanne Kraft about how we do it on Monday. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":["Answers to tough questions from listeners such as: How do I introduce technology to my kids? 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and Barbara Rainey, together with David Robbins and his wife, Meg, answer more tough questions from listeners such as: How do I introduce technology to my kids? What should I say to my adopted kids?","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think there is almost this voice that I think the enemy whispers in our ears: \u201cDon\u2019t tell them that you made this mistake! They are going to lose <em>respect<\/em> for you.\u201d Well, actually, they are looking for authenticity. They are looking, I think, to you\u2014\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014both Mom and Dad to know: \u201cHow do I handle failure when <em>I<\/em> encounter it?\u201d I think your mistakes, and how you handled it, and what you learned from it can be very beneficial to your children.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We appreciate, Phyllis, your calling and being a part of tonight\u2019s call. Thank you for your question, and thanks for being a Legacy Partner.\n\nI was just thinking back to the call we took from the woman in Kansas, David, who led <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em> group. I was thinking about some of the stories we are hearing from people who are engaging with content through FamilyLife and how God is using that. It\u2019s really exciting to see the impact that the ministry has been having in people\u2019s lives.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; there\u2019s this mom in California, who called in and told us her story of\u2014she was an atheist for, really, the past 15 years until, about a year ago, when she came to know Jesus. Soon after that, finds out about this movie called <em>Like Arrows<\/em> that she heard about. She goes to the movie\u2014<em>weeps<\/em> through most of the movie, because of the way she is relating to her <em>own<\/em> son and seeing herself reflected in some of the mistakes in the movie that were being vulnerably displayed.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nAs she sat there, at the end, and was invited to text in to\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014find out more about the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> online experience, she texted in, through tears. She said, \u201cI want to go do this with others,\u201d\u2014went to her church and said: \u201cI want to do this with other people. Can I help lead this?\u201d They were like, \u201cWell, since you\u2019re a new believer, can we pair somebody up with you?\u201d [Laughter] They paired somebody up with her, who was in charge of the women\u2019s ministry. They\u2019ve been going through it, and just the stories and the conversations they were having has been quite amazing.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, Legacy Partners make that kind of interaction possible.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, as you hear a story like that and go, \u201cThat\u2019s cool,\u201d you just need to be able to look at each other and smile\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and say, \u201cWe had something to do with this.\u201d\n\nLet me get back to some of our callers. We\u2019ve got Debbie, who is joining us from Pittsburgh, and has been on here for a long time. Debbie, thanks for hanging on with us; and thanks for joining us tonight.\n\n<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Thank you. How do you raise your children to want to love\/follow Jesus?\u2014make the choice for themselves and to know Jesus?\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How old are you kids, Debbie?\n\n<strong>Debbie:<\/strong> Oh, well, we have six; and they range from 11 to 18. The oldest just went off to college. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It is pretty common for kids in the elementary years to show spiritual interest. They want to please mom and dad\u2014they want to go along. Then, it\u2019s pretty common for some of those kids to get to the teen years and go, \u201cWe\u2019ve heard this for a while, and we want to be our own people.\u201d\n\nThat\u2019s scary territory, Barbara, for parents to go through.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; it really is. The most important thing you can do for your children\u2014especially in the junior high and high school years\u2014is to show them <em>your<\/em> faith; and for them to see that: \u201cThis is real for Mom and Dad. This isn\u2019t just something that they\u2019re teaching us. It\u2019s not just something that we have to do on Sundays. It\u2019s not just part of our ritual to pray for meals,\u201d and all of that.\n\nI think the most important thing is for them to see that you <em>really<\/em> love Jesus yourself, and that you can\u2019t live without Him, and that He is your everything.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nYou do that by talking about how God has worked in your life\u2014what God is teaching you\u2014and just say to your kids: \u201cI just saw the most <em>amazing<\/em> thing when I was doing my Bible study today. I want to tell you about it.\u201d That kind of enthusiasm about your own relationship with Christ will send a signal to your kids that: \u201cThis is really important to Mom.\u201d They may not <em>say<\/em> anything.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> They may roll their eyes, but one of the things we\u2019ve learned with our kids is\u2014all the eye rolls are really for affect. [Laughter] They\u2019re really hearing you, even though\u2014but they don\u2019t want you to know.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you see Dennis turn to Psalm 78? Did you know that\u2019s where he was turning?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; I didn\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I knew right where he was going.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob has heard this before, but Psalm 78 says there are two things we must teach to the next generation. Number one, we have to teach truth; but it also says what Barbara was talking about. You have to share your testimony, and a testimony is God at work within you.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nI think one of the reasons why we\u2019re seeing kids leave the church today is because they see their parents go to church on Sunday; and the other six days of the week, they are practical atheists. The kids are looking at Mom and Dad, going, \u201cWhere\u2019s God?\u201d\n\nBut when you come back at the dinner table, and while you\u2019re running errands, and you say: \u201cOh man! You\u2019re not going to believe what happened! When we arrived at the airport last night, we talk to the guy who drove us out to our car, where it was parked. We got to talk with him about his daughter, who has got major health issues, and pray with him.\u201d That was a powerful moment for Barbara and me; but it\u2019s also a powerful moment to allow your kids to eavesdrop about how God is using you, as a parent.\n\nThat doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019re always doing it the right way. Let them venture into your <em>failures<\/em> and into when you didn\u2019t do what you were supposed to do\u2014like the number of months I jogged by this friend\u2019s house, who God was communicating to me: \u201cGo meet that guy. Go talk to him. See what his needs are.\u201d\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nI jogged by his house for two years, and I didn\u2019t do it. Those are lessons that your kids can glean from. Someday, when they are older\u2014and they are jogging by somebody\u2019s house and God\u2019s speaking to them\u2014maybe, they\u2019ll stop sooner than you did.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; Isaiah 57:[15] came to my mind as you were sharing that\u2014where God dwells in the high lofty place, and He also dwells in His power with the one who is lowly and contrite. I think, in those contrite moments, where we feel conviction\u2014and instead of hiding it from our kids, especially as they grow older\u2014<em>displaying<\/em> how God meets us in those moments; because\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I agree.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014not just being a believer of God but being a <em>lover<\/em> of God. Lovers show and tell of the things that they love.\n\nIf in those moments, where we get it off and we start loving other things more than we love God, our kids see it; you know? There\u2019s no doubt. There are times I start loving work more than pursuing Jesus with everything\/every ounce of my being than I want to. When that gets off, it impacts them; it impacts, you know, Meg. When I\u2019m able to come to them and go, \u201cLook, Dad\u2019s realized some things\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\nThere have been times where, yes, I\u2019ve gotten this backward some.\n\nThat leading out of vulnerability for this next generation\u2014it\u2019s not just authentic moments that have a\u2014stories that have a bow tied to it\u2014but those authentic moments of: \u201cI\u2019m coming to you, right now, <em>in the moment<\/em>, going, \u2018Dad\u2019s going to run to Jesus with this.\u2019\u201d Those are some of the most powerful moments.\n\n<strong>Meg:<\/strong> I think, even in the relationship with our kids\u2014I mean, that\u2019s something that\u2019s\u2014it\u2019s so hard, but it\u2019s probably the thing I <em>see<\/em> impacting them a lot\u2014I see it. I know, with my parents\u2014I remember this\u2014but just apologizing when I\u2019ve done something wrong, or I\u2019ve lost my temper, or whatever it is. You know, not just the things in my life that I\u2019m sharing, but also the things that are affecting them, directly, in our relationship. It\u2019s hard to admit when we\u2019re in need of Jesus desperately, but that\u2019s what they need to see\u2014is why we need Jesus, I think.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Debbie, thanks for your call.\n\nStephanie is in Independence, Kansas; and she\u2019s been hanging on for a while now. She\u2019s got a question that I think is one that you guys are going to appreciate.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\nHi, Stephanie; thanks for being with us.\n\n<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Hi.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, your question is\u2014\n\n<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> We adopted a little boy, and he has been with us about a year-and-a-half. He\u2019s six now. He\u2019s always been in the foster care system, but he\u2019s never known his biological parents. We\u2019re just waiting for the day until he starts asking questions about them, and we\u2019re kind of nervous of what to say.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Barbara\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you want to dive in on this one?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I can take the first pass at that. One of ours is adopted; and even though she was never in the foster system, we knew almost <em>nothing<\/em> about her background. We didn\u2019t even have names. We had a few little physical characteristics that were given to us by the doctor, and that\u2019s all we knew\u2014that\u2019s all we <em>ever<\/em> knew. So, from the time she was six or seven, when she began to ask questions, we told her everything we knew. We told her we loved her and that \u201cSomeday, we\u2019re going to find those answers out,\u201d and \u201cSomeday, we\u2019re going to do this together.\u201d\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\nI think that helped her, because I think she understood that we were being honest with her. I think she understood that we were being\u2014we were telling her all that we knew. She also knew that we were for her and we were on her team, and that we were going to help her solve this dilemma that she was feeling, internally, even at six and seven.\n\nI think the other thing to know, too, is that\u2014over the years, as I\u2019ve been really involved in the adoption and foster care system for years now\u2014some kids just don\u2019t ask those questions. Some just really aren\u2019t all that concerned about what the details are of their background. Most are; but sometimes, there are kids that really don\u2019t care a whole lot.\n\nYou really need to take your cues from him and respond to whatever he asks\u2014talk about how he is feeling; ask him feeling questions. He may not know how to verbalize it; but he may be able to say, \u201cI\u2019m sad\u201d; and you can say, \u201cWhy are you sad?\u201d He may say\u2014like our daughter said and like a lot of adopted kids say\u2014\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014\u201cI\u2019m sad that I didn\u2019t grow in your tummy.\u201d\n\nThere are, sometimes, those kinds of questions that will lead to more conversation; but the key thing is to be honest and to let them know that you\u2019re on their team and that you will do whatever you can do to help them for all the years that they are in your home, because God provided them in your family.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Every 12-\/13-\/14-year-old child, whether they are bio-kids or adopted kids,\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014they are all asking the question: \u201cWho am I?\u201d \u201cWhat am I here for?\u201d \u201cWhat am I good at?\u201d There is kind of a double identity crisis that adopted kids face\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014many of them. Moms and dads just need to be aware of that and know, \u201cThis is a tough transitional stage for <em>all<\/em> kids to go through.\u201d We have to keep reminding them that their ultimate identity is not their biological identity\u2014it\u2019s their spiritual identity\u2014and just keep pointing them back in that direction.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, we have been listening to a conversation that took place with a number of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Legacy Partners, back several weeks ago, as we got a chance to interact about your new book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, and talk about parenting-related issues. It was a lot of fun, not only to interact and to talk about parenting issues, but to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to this group of folks who are the backbone of this ministry.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Legacy Partners make a <em>huge<\/em> difference, but they do not cover the total cost of this broadcast\u2014of keeping it coming to your car, to your computer, to your device that you listen on, or in your place of work. I just want to ask you, \u201cCould you stand with us, here, at yearend?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You make this daily radio program possible; and that\u2019s what we\u2019re asking you to support when you go, online, today and make a yearend donation to FamilyLife. Again, you can do that at our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also donate by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, thank you, in advance, for helping to support the work of this ministry and helping us start 2019 in a healthy place, financially.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about how we can slow life down in the new year. It\u2019s possible\u2014really, it\u2019s possible. We\u2019ll talk with Joanne Kraft about how we do it on Monday. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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