{"id":300483,"date":"2018-12-06T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-12-06T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-family-as-a-training-center\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:40","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:40","slug":"the-family-as-a-training-center","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-family-as-a-training-center\/","title":{"rendered":"The Family as a Training Center"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Dennis and Barbara Rainey | Series: The Art of Parenting: Relationships | Have you thought of your home as a training center? Dennis and Barbara Rainey talk about some skills children need to learn while they live at home. It&#8217;s important that kids learn to love those who aren&#8217;t like them, and this includes learning to love and appreciate their siblings. Children also need to be trained in handling and resolving conflict. Hear about some of the mishaps in the Rainey home as Dennis and Barbara tried to teach the six Rainey children these skills.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dennis and Barbara Rainey talk about some skills children need to learn while they live at home. Hear about some of the mishaps in the Rainey home as Dennis and Barbara tried to teach their six children these skills.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Dennis and Barbara Rainey talk about skills children need to learn while they live at home.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:09","filesize":"27.61M","filesize_raw":"28952119","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[4650,4648,4611,2209,4652,4051,4651],"podcast_series":[7271],"cwp_profile":[3051],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300483","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-appreciating-others","tag-grace-based-parenting","tag-intentional-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-real-life","tag-resolving-conflict","tag-siblings","podcast_series-the-art-of-parenting-relationships","cwp_profile-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300483\/the-family-as-a-training-center","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300483\/the-family-as-a-training-center","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9NerYu8qpc\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-family-as-a-training-center\/\">The Family as a Training Center<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-family-as-a-training-center\/embed\/#?secret=9NerYu8qpc\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Family as a Training Center&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9NerYu8qpc\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dennis and Barbara Rainey talk about some skills children need to learn while they live at home. Hear about some of the mishaps in the Rainey home as Dennis and Barbara tried to teach their six children these skills.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it okay for moms and dads to fight in front of the kids? Barbara Rainey says, sometimes, it is.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We decided that we wanted our kids to see us having some disagreements\u2014not big conflict\u2014but if we were disagreeing about something that was not a <em>huge<\/em> thing, but we really both had a strong opinion on it, we decided that we would go again and occasionally express our disagreement in front of our kids and let them watch us work it out. We just disagree, and parents disagree. It\u2019s okay for parents to disagree.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Thursday, December 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. Your kids are going to have to know how to resolve conflict, because conflict is a part of life. They need your coaching, and they need to see how <em>you<\/em> do it. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Thursday edition. We\u2019re going to talk today about what moms and dads can do to help their children develop some relational intelligence\u2014to help them know how to do relationships right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014how to love imperfect people. It\u2019s that kind of programming that we try to provide, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>that keeps listeners coming back for more. You ought to hear one of my favorite stories\u2014my all-time stories\u2014in 27 years of broadcasting. It was a letter from a woman, who lived in Alaska. Where she lived, she couldn\u2019t get a radio signal; so she, every day\u2014it was like at 10 o\u2019clock\/10:30\u2014she would get on her snowmobile and drive out to a ridge [Laughter] so she could listen to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>A woman\u2014a wife\/a mother\u2014who needed practical biblical help and hope for her home.\n\nWhen you give to <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>you\u2019re making this broadcast possible\u2014\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014not merely to folks who live on the outskirts of humanity in Alaska\u2014but you\u2019re making it possible, all across our country. If you believe in what we\u2019re doing, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>I need you to pick up the phone, or go online, or take out a check and say: \u201cGuys, keep going! Twenty-seven years has been great, but we need this broadcast to stand strong <em>now<\/em>. Here\u2019s my investment in godly homes and legacies for generations to come.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> During the Christmas season, and as we approach the end of the year, this is a particularly critical time to hear from listeners; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is; over 40 percent of our donations come in this month. As I said on a recent broadcast, these 30 days determine how FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is going to continue broadcasting over the next 11 months.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> <em>Please<\/em>, stand with us. We need your help <em>now. <\/em>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s good news: right now, if you help with a donation, your donation is going to be doubled\u2014it\u2019s going to be matched, dollar for dollar.\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019ve got some friends of the ministry who have offered to match every donation we receive, during the month of December, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. That\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> opportunity for us; and we\u2019re hoping <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners will respond and make an online donation, or call to donate.\n\nWhen you do, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d this year by sending you a DVD copy of the movie that FamilyLife produced this year that was in theaters a few months ago. It\u2019s a movie called <em>Like Arrows. <\/em>It\u2019s going to be available for purchase in early 2019; but right now, we have a limited supply available if you can help with a yearend donation. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Just ask for the DVD, <em>Like Arrows, <\/em>and we\u2019ll send that out to you, along with our thanks for your support of the ministry.\n\nNow, I want to tell you guys about my next-door neighbor when I was growing up. His name was Dee; he was a year younger than me. We grew up across the driveway from one another\u2014we had a shared driveway.\n\n<strong>4:00 <\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re not talking about recently; you\u2019re talking about when you were a kid.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was when I was a kid; yes. This was back in Glendale, Missouri.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Back before the earth\u2019s crust had hardened. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We shared a driveway that \u201cY\u201d-d off. As you came up the driveway, the right side went to their house; the left side went to our house. We moved in when I was two; Dee was one. We went all the way through high school together. He was the best man in my wedding.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Really?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; so we had a great relationship. In fact, Dee just came and spent a weekend at our house a couple of months ago. We had a great time getting caught up on everything.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Wow!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So Dee and I played together a lot as we were growing up. One time\u2014my mom loved telling this story\u2014one time, she was watching us out the back door. Dee was like a year-and-a-half, and I was two-and-a-half years old. I pushed him down\u2014I pushed him onto the ground, and he fell down. He was crying; and she came out and she said, \u201cBobby, why did you push him?\u201d I said: \u201cI shot him. He\u2019s dead, and he won\u2019t fall down! [Laughter] So I pushed him to the ground!\u201d\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\nI remember Dee\u2019s dad\u2014Dee\u2019s dad would always\u2014when he would step into the room, where we were playing, or where his sister and my sister were, and we were all together and there was squabbling or something\u2014Dee\u2019s dad would come in, and he would just laugh. He\u2019d say: \u201cLittle children! Love one another.\u201d [Laughter] He would repeat that over and over again. I didn\u2019t realize he was quoting Scripture when he was saying that. He was just stepping in to what is, often, the case with kids; that is, that kids often don\u2019t do a great job of loving one another. He was giving us a little coaching on what really matters.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s cute!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s one of the themes that you address. And, by the way, Barbara, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Thank you, Bob.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s nice to have you here again with us today as we\u2019re talking about parenting. We\u2019re talking about the new book you\u2019ve written called <em>The Art of Parenting. <\/em>One of the core themes in this book is that we\u2019ve got to help our kids be good at relationships, because they\u2019re not naturally good at relationships\u2014\n\n<strong>6:00 <\/strong>\n\n\u2014we learn that pretty soon. As soon as you have more than one in a family, conflict comes in pretty quickly; doesn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if you don\u2019t teach the resolution of conflict\u2014if you don\u2019t teach your children how to love another imperfect person\u2014you\u2019re not doing a good job preparing them for the rest of their life; because they\u2019re going to spend the rest of their lives relating to selfish, sinful, broken people, many of whom think and believe differently than they do. They have to know how to do this!\n\nI just know that, the older I\u2019ve gotten, the more resolute I am that the family is an incubator\u2014it\u2019s a training vehicle\u2014for young pioneers, who are going to spend the rest of their lives on their journey\u2014the first time they\u2019ve ever been there\u2014but they\u2019ve got to know how to relate to people.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Barbara, we\u2019ve talked already about how important it is for parents to doggedly pursue their children\u2014\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014to pursue a relationship with them; to build a strong, healthy, unconditional love; a forgiveness and grace-based relationship with our kids. Even when we do that, our children are not going to naturally embrace that same kind of a relationship with their siblings. I\u2019m thinking of how I\u2019ve watched my grandkids, now, who are one- and two-years old. They\u2019re not thinking about these things, consciously; but there\u2019s an innate sense of: \u201cI want what I want. I want to be the center of attention. If you\u2019re interfering with what I want, I\u2019m going to make life hard for you.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is that fundamental self-oriented nature that\u2019s in each one of us, and that\u2019s what keeps us from having healthy relationships; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Exactly, and that\u2019s what makes mom and dad\u2019s job hard\u2014is that our kids are born sinful, and we know that; but they\u2019re so sweet and they\u2019re so loveable\u2014and we just think they\u2019re the greatest. We forget, sometimes, that they\u2019re little sinners, at the core.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\nBut Dennis and I worked at it. Even though we felt like failures, we didn\u2019t quit teaching; and we didn\u2019t quit training in getting along. Primarily, what we taught and trained, over and over again, was the whole concept of recognizing what you did wrong, naming what you did wrong, and then saying: \u201cI\u2019m sorry. Will you forgive me?\u201d\u2014you know, teaching that whole dialogue of forgiveness, and restitution, and reconciliation.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things we tried to do with our children was to help them to realize that they are relating to what C.S. Lewis called \u201cnot mere mortals, but eternal beings.\u201d They need to recognize that every person was made in the image of God.\n\nGenesis 1:26-28 talks about how God created them male and female, but He made them in His image. As image-bearers, they have value\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014they have worth. Our children need to recognize that.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, oftentimes, it\u2019s our own insecurity\u2014or our kids\u2019 own insecurity about what they\u2019re good at\u2014that causes them to look at others and find fault.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; I think you\u2019re right.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re masking our own insecurities by trying to make ourselves feel better or look better than other kids.\n\nThis goes to the core. I remember reading something by an author\u2014a guy named Bill Gilliam\u2014that always stuck with me. I\u2019ve used this line over and over again. He said, \u201cWhen a child is born, he draws a circle around his life and declares himself \u201cthe lord of the ring.\u201d [Laughter] I think we have to acknowledge that that\u2019s true.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I saw something called \u201cThe Toddler\u2019s Creed\u201d years ago. Do you remember?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIf I want it, it\u2019s mine; if I had it five minutes ago, it\u2019s mine; if you have it and I want it, it\u2019s mine.\u201d This is how kids think. We have to train our kids, not to be self-centered, but to be others-centered, which goes against their nature and goes against what the culture is telling them.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, it works in families too\u2014it\u2019s not just kids competing and comparing themselves in school. Our kids in our family are doing that. So, even if you just have two children, they\u2019re sizing one another up. They\u2019re thinking through: \u201cWho\u2019s the favorite?\u201d \u201cWhere is my place?\u201d \u201cWhat is my role?\u201d \u201cHow do I fit in this group called \u2018the family\u2019?\u201d\n\nThe more kids you have, the more of that that\u2019s going to take place. You\u2019re going to have more conflict\u2014more sizing up \/ more trying to figure out of the pecking order, so to speak. It\u2019s just endemic in who we are, and it happens in every family.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s another way we tried to teach our kids how to love one another, and that came through the issue of resolving conflict. I actually have a documentation here of some of the conflict that occurred between family members. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Police reports you\u2019ve brought in here?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really\u2014has fingerprints on it\u2014eyewitnesses. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mug shots!\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Photos; that\u2019s right. DNA!\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A.K.A.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And here\u2019s what it\u2019s about\u2014and parents breathe a sigh of relief when they hear my list\u2014this is about sibling rivalry. Now, we\u2019ve already talked about this a little bit; but I just want to give you some evidence, from our family, of what our kids fought about as they grew up.\n\nOne of the number one reasons they fought was\u2014who sits in the front seat with Mom or Dad on the way to school. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And how did you solve that?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We assigned a day.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, that\u2019s good as long as you\u2019ve got less than five kids.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Five or less; yes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We had six!\u2014so there was a dilemma there\u2014but they fought over the seats in the car. They fought over the amount of ice cream they got; the number of cookies; how you broke the Hershey\u2019s with Almonds, because it\u2019s not in little squares.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you do the thing where one breaks and the other picks?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; we did that.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And we told them \u201cfair\u201d is what comes around to town once a year. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good one.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s okay?\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\nThe third thing they fought about was who had worked the hardest; who had done the most;\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014who got to play the most; who last spent the night at a friend\u2019s house, and whose turn it was now; who made the mess; who did it last; who did it first; who had it first? The older ones argued that we were just spoiling\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the younger ones.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014the younger ones.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> has got some great evidence on this, because you asked our kids\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The video series; yes. We interviewed your children and asked them to talk about: \u201cWas one of them the favorite?\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> You asked, \u201cWho is the favorite?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And the favorite <em>knew <\/em>she was the favorite; didn\u2019t she? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; the kids named her, and she named herself! [Laughter]\n\nBut here\u2019s the point\u2014as a parent, do you know the very <em>basic<\/em> fundamentals of how two broken people resolve a conflict? Listen carefully, because this comes from the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. If you haven\u2019t been, this is a good reason to go\u2014\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014to just become equipped in these basics of \u201cWhat are the components of forgiveness?\u201d The first thing is\u2014it demands communication and an admission: \u201cI was wrong when I\u2026\u201d Then it is, number two, \u201cWill you forgive me for doing \u2018X\u2019?\u201d\u2014and you name the offense. Then, the one who has been offended has the opportunity, at that point, to say, \u201cYes; I decide to forgive you.\u201d\n\nAnd this is key, because your children need to know what forgiveness is and what it isn\u2019t. Forgiveness means you give up the right to punish another person. Sometimes, our kids would not forgive one another; so we would give them chores. I\u2019ll never forget the boys\u2014we tied two of their legs together and made them sweep the garage\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because they wouldn\u2019t forgive each other. Of course, the older one drug the younger one around the garage; and that created more conflict. That wasn\u2019t such a good idea over the long haul.\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\nBut the key thing is\u2014you make them look each other in the eye and say, \u201cWill you forgive me when I did \u00a0?\u201d And then we say: \u201cOkay; what\u2019s your response? It means you give up the right to punish your sister,\u201d \/ \u201c\u2026to punish your brother.\u201d And then we talked about reconciliation and rebuilding trust. All of those points are the basics of how you help two people know how to love another person, who will disappoint them at times.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And these basics of conflict resolution are fundamental building blocks that will serve kids throughout their lives in <em>every <\/em>relationship. If they don\u2019t know how to seek and grant forgiveness, life is not going to go well for them.\n\nOf course, I remember, with our kids, it was, \u201cTell your sister you\u2019re sorry.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you know what they would say; right? [Speaking with no emotion] \u201cSorry.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> [Not meaning it] \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then, \u201cSay it like you mean it,\u201d\u2014you know, they\u2019d get silly. You really have to teach them how to do this. It feels rote for a while.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And it is rote for a while,\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s okay!\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014but that\u2019s okay.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Get it to be habitual in them.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014over, and over, and over, and over again.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you\u2014there is a method of teaching in the Bible called the Rabbinical Method of Teaching. Do you know what it is?\u2014repetition.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you know what sibling rivalry is?\u2014an opportunity to teach over, and over, and over again how you resolve conflict.\n\nLet me tell you another way that parents dare not miss as they train their kids to love other people, especially around resolving conflict\u2014resolve it between you and your spouse. Your kids are like little radar units. I know, when Barbara and I would have an argument in the kitchen, sometimes, I would feel like there was this herd\u2014or covey of little quail\u2014just circling us; locked on; watching us go back and forth, sometimes, at each other\u2014not healthy; okay!?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Sometimes I would say: \u201cTime out, Sweetheart.\u201d \u201cKids, your mom and dad love each other. We\u2019re in a covenant-keeping marriage; we\u2019re going to go the distance\u2014we\u2019re not in trouble. We just have a disagreement; okay?\u201d\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\nThere\u2019s an African proverb that says, \u201cWhen the elephants bite, it\u2019s the grass that suffers.\u201d It suffers in more ways than one; because if they don\u2019t see you resolving conflict in your marriage, how are they going to know how to do it when they get married?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So I\u2019m going to ask you about that; because some parents, you know, will say: \u201cWe\u2019re not going to do conflict in front of our kids.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIf we\u2019ve got a disagreement, we\u2019ll postpone it. We\u2019ll do it back in the bedroom; we don\u2019t want our kids to see us. We don\u2019t want them to feel insecure, thinking that mom and dad aren\u2019t getting along.\u201d Do you think it\u2019s good for mom and dad to have a little conflict in front of the kids?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a great question, because we talked about that. My parents never had conflict in front of us. I grew up thinking they never had conflict, because I never saw it. And I don\u2019t know that you\u2014did you see your parents?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Once.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> One time your parents had conflict?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> My parents had one very\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> \u2014heated argument?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014heated argument. I was five years old, and I was afraid they would divorce.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nThat was back when divorce was\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; nobody got divorced.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014nobody got divorced.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, we talked about it\u2014I remember. We decided that we wanted our kids to see us having some disagreements\u2014not big conflict\u2014but if we were disagreeing about something that was not a <em>huge<\/em> thing, but we really both had a strong opinion on it, we decided that we would go again and occasionally express our disagreement in front of our kids and let them watch us work it out.\n\nWe did do what Dennis just said\u2014we said: \u201cTime out.\u201d \u201cOkay; kids. Here are the facts: we\u2019re not going anywhere. This is not life-altering. We just disagree, and parents disagree. It\u2019s okay for parents to disagree.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In some homes, it\u2019s not just disagreement; but as you know, there are moms and dads, who are saying hurtful, harmful things to one another.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\u2014in front of the kids.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That kind of stuff is not good.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If it does happen, though\u2014again, get the kids together.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You get the kids together and you confess: \u201cThis was not right for Mom and me to be talking this way to one another.\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019ve asked her to forgive me, and I want to ask you to forgive me. I want you to know we love one another, and we\u2019re staying together.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014especially if you\u2019ve used the \u201cD\u201d word. If you have thrown the \u201cdivorce\u201d word around in an argument in front of your kids\u2014that they\u2019ve heard, either in person or through the walls\u2014you need to get down on your knees in front of your kids\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Absolutely!\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and say: \u201cWe repent. We will never, ever do that again.\u201d Why?\u2014because they\u2019re going to school with kids from broken homes. Sixty percent of all kids will spend part of their first eighteen years of life with one parent. It\u2019s in their vocabulary; it\u2019s in their experience\u2014you\u2019ve got to build security.\n\nI\u2019ve got one more very important way we train our kids to love others, and that\u2019s training your children to respect the boundaries and purity of the opposite sex. Train your kids to respect the boundaries and purity of the opposite sex.\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\nThat means teaching your boys to protect the sexual purity of girls\u2014to own it! Not just protect them physically, but protect their sexual purity.\n\nI had the privilege of speaking to a football team a couple of months ago.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was a high school team; right?\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A high school football team. They were all shirt-less\u2014they were getting ready to have practice. It was hot in the summer. I wanted to make the point to those guys: \u201cBe men. Step up! Become men who protect your school and protect the young ladies.\u201d\n\nIt was right as the #MeToo was really in the news with a lot of people. I just said: \u201cListen, guys. You can either protect a woman\u2019s dignity, and her purity, and who she is sexually or you can be a barbarian and you can take advantage of her.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cI want to challenge you, as a team, to set a new standard in this high school. Instead of being rude to girls\u2014instead, hold the door open for them. You guys need to start a rash of common courtesies\u2014pulling the chair out for the ladies \/ for your teacher! Just, as a team, represent how real young men treat the opposite sex.\u201d\n\nOf course, if you\u2019re talking to a young lady, I would talk to your daughters about protecting the young men by being\u2014and dressing\u2014modestly. I remember one of our daughters, who will remain unnamed, had this dress that she had on\u2014as she was trying it on for prom. Bob, you know what I\u2019m talking about. [Laughter] Barbara was there\u2014she loved that dress!\u2014Barbara wanted to buy the dress. Right, Sweetheart?\n\n<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; but I said, \u201cNo; you can\u2019t buy that, Sweetie.\u201d Help your daughters protect young men.\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\nThese are all ways where you\u2019re thinking of others before you think of yourself.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; these are fundamental skills that we need to, as parents, be teaching our children before they know Christ; so that, when they do come to know Christ\u2014when they surrender to Him and then they read Philippians 2: \u201cDo nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility, regard others as more important than yourselves. Don\u2019t look out merely for your own interest, but also for the interest of others,\u201d\u2014now, all of a sudden, they see this in the context of the gospel. They\u2019re doing this to honor Christ, not just to have happier and healthier relationships. I mean, it\u2019s good to have happy, healthy relationships; but at the end of the day, what we care most about is that God is honored in how we relate to one another.\n\nThis is why this is one of the essential skills you guys talk about in the book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. It\u2019s a book I hope every mom and dad will read together. In fact, there\u2019s a companion DVD series that small groups can go through together.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019re hoping that this can be the beginning, in a lot of churches and a lot of homes, of a parenting revolution\u2014a <em>new<\/em> commitment to being the most purposeful, intentional, well-equipped parents you can possibly be as you raise the next generation.\n\nWe\u2019ve got copies of Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting,<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. The DVD series is also available. Information is available, online; or you can order at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order, again, by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, I\u2019m remembering a scene in the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>\u2014the movie that we produced that was in theaters a few months ago. There\u2019s a scene where there\u2019s some sibling rivalry.\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\nA brother and a sister are fighting over Legos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and they say ugly things to one another. They have to learn how to make peace with one another. One of the things we wanted to do, when we made that movie, was find a creative way to engage moms and dads with the key issues that we all face as we raise the next generation.\n\nI know many of our listeners saw the film when it was in theaters. It\u2019s going to be available for purchase in early 2019. We have a limited number of DVDs of <em>Like Arrows <\/em>that we\u2019re making available this month to those of you who are able to help support the ministry with a yearend contribution. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, as you mentioned earlier, Dennis,is dependent on these donations. Right now, if you\u2019re able to help with a donation, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. You make a $25 donation; it becomes a $50 donation to FamilyLife. If you make a $100 donation; it\u2019s $200.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\nWhatever you\u2019re able to do, help us take advantage of this matching-gift opportunity; and we\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a DVD of <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY. We appreciate your partnership with us in this ministry.\n\nAnd we hope you can join us back tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about the most important relationship we can help our children with\u2014that\u2019s their relationship with Jesus. We\u2019ll explore that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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