{"id":300481,"date":"2018-12-05T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-12-05T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-bridge-that-love-built\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:40","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:40","slug":"the-bridge-that-love-built","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-bridge-that-love-built\/","title":{"rendered":"The Bridge That Love Built"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Dennis and Barbara Rainey | Series: The Art of Parenting: Relationships | Family experts Dennis and Barbara Rainey encourage moms and dads to be intentional in their parenting, being especially careful to demonstrate unconditional love and grace as they pursue their children&#8217;s hearts. Parents also need to make forgiveness part of their family&#8217;s DNA, modeling godly sorrow and repentance.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dennis and Barbara Rainey encourage moms and dads to be intentional in their parenting, being especially careful to demonstrate unconditional love and grace as they pursue their children&#8217;s hearts.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"Dennis and Barbara Rainey encourage moms and dads to be intentional in their parenting.","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-05.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:25","filesize":"29.68M","filesize_raw":"31120136","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[2699,4648,4611,2209,4649],"podcast_series":[7271],"cwp_profile":[3051],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300481","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-forgiveness","tag-grace-based-parenting","tag-intentional-parenting","tag-parenting","tag-unconditional-love","podcast_series-the-art-of-parenting-relationships","cwp_profile-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300481\/the-bridge-that-love-built","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300481\/the-bridge-that-love-built","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oVm8gZQMyy\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-bridge-that-love-built\/\">The Bridge That Love Built<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-bridge-that-love-built\/embed\/#?secret=oVm8gZQMyy\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Bridge That Love Built&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oVm8gZQMyy\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dennis and Barbara Rainey encourage moms and dads to be intentional in their parenting, being especially careful to demonstrate unconditional love and grace as they pursue their children's hearts.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-12-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>All of us, as parents, want our children to be able to form healthy relationships as they grow up. Dennis Rainey says, for that to happen, moms and dads need to know how to skillfully pursue a strong relationship with each of their children.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>First Corinthians 13 says, if you\u2019ve missed love, you\u2019ve missed life; so these little children that you\u2019re raising, who will become big people, have to be trained in the basics of love. That begins with us as parents. You and I, as parents, are God\u2019s physical arms of love to these little people to tutor them in what love truly means.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Don\u2019t assume that your children are going to be naturally good at forming strong, healthy relationships; that\u2019s a bad assumption. They need your help to know how to develop those kinds of skills.\n\n<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\nWe\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, when I think back on all of the things that Mary Ann and I thought about\u2014in terms of \u201cThese are things we need to make sure we teach our children,\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t know that it ever dawned on us that one of the things we needed to teach our children was how to be good at relationships. I don\u2019t know that that was ever a conscious thought\u2014that teaching them how to be good at relationships was something we would need to do. I guess we just thought: \u201cWell, that just happens,\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cYou grow up, and you\u2019re good at relationships.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right. And you\u2019re supposed to know how to do it naturally; right? I want to ask my bride, Barbara\u2014we just celebrated our 46 years of marriage,\u2014\n\n<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Congratulations, by the way.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thank you, sir.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and we had six kids that are all married now: \u201cGo back to the beginning. Did you and I ever have a conscious\u2014we probably had some, when we were unconscious, raising kids\u2014[Laughter]\u2014Did we ever have a conscious thought about training our kids to love others?\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Not early on, but I remember having conscious thoughts about it when sibling rivalry was at its peak; because then I\u2019m thinking, \u201cOh my; I have to teach these kids how to relate to each other.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201chow not to kill each other.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; so it was defensive.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do remember that\u2014that you have to teach them how to get along with one another and, maybe, how to get along with kids on the playground. But again, the whole idea that relationship training is a part of a parent\u2019s responsibility\u2014I think that\u2019s one of the big ideas I think you guys have captured in your book, <em>The<\/em> <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>. It\u2019s what we\u2019re going to spend time talking about on today\u2019s program.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You know, you never know, Bob, who\u2019s listening to the broadcast. I had a young lady come up to me in Boulder, Colorado, this past summer\u2014\n\n<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\nshe said: \u201cI grew up in Southern California. In the backseat of our car, as my mom would be driving me to school, I\u2019d be listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] She said, \u201cI listened to it for years\u2014all the way through elementary school, junior high, high school. Then I kind of left the faith.\u201d\n\nShe said: \u201cI went to Stanford, and I kind of lost my way; but graduated\u2014came out the other side\u2014and was listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> again when it got my attention. It was like, \u2018I need to come back to what I had heard.\u2019\u201d She said: \u201cI\u2019m not married. I have a couple of kids. All that training\u2014all that training I heard\u2014as a little girl, growing up\u2014is now paying off for me, as a mom. I just want to say, \u2018Thank you to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for doing what you do.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, you know who we need to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I do!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the people, who have made this program possible over the years.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I want to say to our listeners right now: \u201cWould you make this broadcast possible to another little girl like that?\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014\u201cmaybe to their mom and dad,\u2014maybe to a couple, who are engaged, who need to go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,\u201d You\u2019ve heard about it here, so you know how to get them there; but to do that, we need folks, like you, standing with us, financially, with generous gifts, here at yearend. Over 40 percent of our donations come in in the next 30 days, and those 30 days make the other 11 months possible.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you stand with us? I\u2019m serious. I\u2019ve been doing this now for 27 years, and none of your money is sticking to my fingers\u2014trust me. It\u2019s all going in to provide help and hope\u2014biblical help and hope\u2014for marriages and families, all across the country, and around the world.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and here\u2019s why right now is a really good time for you to make a yearend donation. We have some friends of the ministry, who have come along, and offered to match every donation that we receive, as a ministry, between now and the end of the year, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. You make a $50 donation; we get $50 from the matching fund.\n\n<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\nYou make a $100 donation; we get $100. We\u2019re hoping to take full advantage of this matching-gift opportunity. That\u2019s why we\u2019re asking you, as a listener, to be as generous as you can possibly be, here at yearend, and help us head into 2019 fully ready to take on the challenges that are in front of us, as a ministry.\n\nIf you can help with a donation right now, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a gift. Several months ago, FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> had our first feature film\u2014a movie called <em>Like Arrows<\/em> in movie theaters. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD, but we have a limited supply of the DVDs that we\u2019re making available to those of you who make a yearend donation. Again, it\u2019s our thank-you gift when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make an online donation or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, we appreciate your support of this ministry and your partnership with us, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\nNow, we\u2019re talking about big ideas in parenting. This idea of helping your child know how to do relationships\u2014this is key for parents to get their heads around.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s one of four big ideas that we want to challenge parents with. What I compare these four with is reading, writing, and arithmetic to education. Those are the basics; those are the fundamentals. If you know how to do reading, writing, arithmetic, you can be fairly well-educated. Well, in raising kids, there are four biblical issues\/big biblical issues. What I want to encourage\u2014what Barbara and I want to challenge parents to do is establish the target. Know what you\u2019re aiming for; you might just hit it. So the reading, writing, and arithmetic of parenting are these four.\n\nWhere we\u2019re going to start today\u2014relationships\u2014Bob has already talked about that.\n\n<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\nSecond one\u2014character\u2014this is helping your kid be wise and not a fool: choosing right and not wrong, not destroying his or her life.\n\nThird area is identity\u2014spiritual identity: we\u2019re made in God\u2019s image; sexual identity: \u201cMale and female created He them.\u201d You\u2019re helping your kids determine: \u201cWhat does it mean to be a boy?\u201d \u201cWhat does it mean to be a girl?\u201d and \u201cWhat are the distinctives there?\u201d\n\nNumber four\u2014mission\u2014teach your child he was made for a mission. Psalm 127, verses 3 through 5, says children are a blessing\u2014they\u2019re a reward; they\u2019re a heritage\u2014but they are also \u201cLike arrows in the hand of a warrior\u2026\u201d You, as a parent\u2014and we\u2019ll talk more about this when we talk about mission later\u2014you, as a parent, are compared to a warrior.\n\n<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd if you\u2019ve never felt that in this culture, you\u2019ve had your head in the sand; because you are battling for the next generation. Your children\/your arrows are in your hand. How are you going to help them head to the right goal in the midst of so many confusing targets that are being thrown at them?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I preached a sermon at our church recently. I said, \u201cWe tend to think of the big story of the Bible around the four themes of creation, and fall, and redemption, and then consummation.\u201d People have heard those categories before; but I said: \u201cWhat\u2019s common in all four of those periods\u2014creation, fall, redemption, and consummation\u2014what\u2019s common is the big idea of relationship.\n\n\u201cIn creation, we were related in perfect harmony with God and with each other. In the fall, our relationship with God was broken; and our relationship with each other was messed up. In redemption, what was broken is put back together and repaired; and so we begin to re-cultivate a relationship with God and with one another.\n\n<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\n\u201cAnd in consummation, it\u2019s a perfectly-restored relationship that lasts for eternity.\u201d\n\nThe idea of healthy, relational functioning\u2014the idea of the fact that we have good relationships is <em>central<\/em> to God\u2019s design for humanity.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I want to talk about relationships, and I want to use an illustration to do it. A Christian leader, that will remain unnamed, had just completed a 14-city book tour. He was on his way back home when he found a note that he was to have lunch with a person, who had won the bidding contest for having lunch with him after the tour was over. But he wasn\u2019t surprised at all that somebody had spend $500 in the bidding contest for lunch with him.\n\n<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\nWhat surprised him most was that the person, who won the bidding, was his daughter. She wanted to have lunch with Daddy\u2014she wanted a relationship with him. I think we forget our children were made for relationship. As Bob said earlier, they were made to be trained how to do this right.\n\nIf you think about the great commandment\u2014when Jesus was asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s the greatest of all the commandments?\u201d what did He say? \u201cLove God; love others,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s all about love. You go over to the Book of 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13 and what did Paul say?\u2014he said: \u201cIf I speak with the tongues of men and angels but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have prophetic powers and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have faith so as to remove mountains but have not love\u201d\u2014listen to these words\/three words\u2014\u201cI am nothing.\u201d\n\n<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\nFirst Corinthians 13 says, if you\u2019ve missed love, you\u2019ve missed life; so these little children that you\u2019re raising, who will become big people, have to be trained in the basics of love. That begins with us, as parents. You and I, as parents, are God\u2019s physical arms of love to these little people to tutor them in what love truly means.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And Barbara, our kids are not naturally good at relationships any more than we are naturally good at relationships; because when we rebel against God\u2014when we reject Him and say, \u201cI\u2019ll be my own authority,\u201d\u2014that puts all of our relationships out of whack. Ultimately, for us to have healthy relationships, we have to have our relationship with God realigned. But as we raise the next generation, we just need to recognize our kids are not going to naturally and instinctively be good at loving one another; right?\n\n<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; and I think that\u2019s one of the things that was so hard for me, as a mom, is that I expected more of my children than they were capable of giving. I think that\u2019s true, universally, because it would be so much easier for me, as a mom, if they would get it sooner and become mature quicker. But children are children, and it takes time for them to learn these lessons over and over again; because they\u2019re born selfish, just like we are. That training and teaching them: how to have a good relationship, how to ask for forgiveness, how to apologize when they\u2019ve made mistakes, how to restore the relationship\u2014that is the kind of teaching that has to be repeated over, and over, and over, and over, and over again.\n\nIt wears us out, as parents; but it is the goal\u2014is teaching them how to have good relationships and realizing that it takes the entire 18 years that they\u2019re in your home for them to develop the kind of competence in relationships that will serve them well as they become adults.\n\n<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The starting place for all of this with your kids\u2014and this is one of the things you say in the book I think is so helpful\u2014our kids need a healthy, loving, strong, connected relationship with us.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That creates in <em>them<\/em> an awareness of what strong relationships are all about\u2014a thirst for those kinds of relationships to be a part of their life. This is where, in the early years, moms and dads need to be focusing on building the kind of relationship with their kids that their kids\u2014well, they want to spend $500 to have lunch with Daddy; because they crave that relationship.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And in the book, we compare loving your child to building a bridge. Now, think about a bridge for a moment. A bridge is something that is built across obstacles\u2014it may be a river, it may be a canyon, could be a forest\u2014\n\n<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014but a bridge connects two different sections of land to each other so that traffic can go back and forth.\n\nWith parents, you are given the assignment by God to, first of all, build the lanes across the bridge to your child\u2019s heart; okay? The way you do that\u2014we have three ways\/three lanes that you build. Number one: You love your child unconditionally. Number two: You pursue your child. Number three: You make forgiveness a part of your family\u2019s DNA.\n\nLet me tell you something\u2014if this bridge goes up, and it doesn\u2019t have the third lane, the first and second are going to be crossed out by people disappointing each other. What you\u2019re doing, as a parent, is\u2014you\u2019re training your kids to know <em>how<\/em> to love an imperfect person.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And these three lanes\u2014unconditional love, pursuit, and then forgiveness\u2014these are lanes that you may establish early, but there are roadblocks that go up all during adolescence\/pre-adolescence.\n\n<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\nWe have to keep those lanes clear, because they can get clogged over time; can\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes. And this is where parents have to be parents\u2014they have to be mature; they have to be the wiser one and not drop down to your child\u2019s level. Really, what we\u2019re doing, as moms and dads, is\u2014we\u2019re modeling God\u2019s love. We\u2019re showing our kids what God\u2019s love looks like.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I\u2019ll tell you\u2014here\u2019s the surprise in all of this. This is very simple. I thought, at the beginning, God gave us six kids to raise <em>them<\/em>. He, in essence, gave us six kids to help <em>us<\/em> grow up and learn how to love truly\u2014a truly <em>Agape<\/em> love that loves another person, despite their attitude\/their behavior.\n\nI want to tell you\u2014when they were teenagers, they would mud-wrestle. They\u2019d try to get you in the mud-hole with them and mud-wrestle with emotions. What you have to do is love them enough not to get in the mud-hole.\n\n<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; and here\u2019s the key takeaway, I think, here in the area of unconditional love: When your children experience consequences\/when they experience discipline for bad decisions\u2014and they\u2019re going to; they\u2019re going to have to be disciplined; they\u2019re going to have to get some time-outs or some privileges taken away\u2014but what they should <em>never<\/em> experience in that is any sense that their relationship with you\u2014\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; the bridge can\u2019t go down.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014has been threatened at all.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They have to be able to go to bed at night, going, \u201cOkay; I got what I deserved, but Mom and Dad still love me.\u201d\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s exactly right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And that\u2019s where the pursuit of the child comes in. Pursuing them when they want to talk is not always going to be convenient, but you go to their room. If you have one of those moments, you pursue them and you just build that bridge. You just pursue them and let them know\u2014and then you praise them, believe in them, especially if they\u2019re filled with self-doubt.\n\n<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\nAnd by the way, most teenage boys and girls are <em>filled<\/em> with all kinds of self-doubt. They need Mom and Dad to <em>fiercely<\/em>, <em>fiercely <\/em>believe in them\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Agreed.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and to keep expressing those words.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys were hugely busy with what was going on in the ministry as you were raising your kids. You had six kids. I\u2019m thinking: \u201cOne-on-one interaction with each of the six kids\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cdid that happen like once a <em>quarter<\/em>?\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>How do you spell \u201cLoser\u201d? I felt like a loser most of the time as we were raising our kids.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you tried to be purposeful <em>there<\/em>, to say: \u201cOkay; I need time\u2014I haven\u2019t had time with this child for awhile. I have to get some time away,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s go to the hardware store together, or we go out for ice cream together, or we\u2014you just tried to make sure that you were getting some one-on-one time with each of your kids all the way through the process; right?\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, and sometimes it\u2019s just going into their room at night and getting next to <em>that<\/em> child\u2019s bed and talking to that child.\n\n<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\nI think another thing that\u2019s really important, too, in pursuing is praying specifically for that child, by name, with him or her; because there\u2019s something about being prayed for that makes you feel loved and cared for. All the way through their years, we would go into their rooms at night\u2014and all of them always shared a room, so they weren\u2019t really ever <em>alone<\/em> in their room when we did this\u2014but we go to their bed and we would talk to that one child, eye to eye; and we would pray for that one child, eye to eye. We didn\u2019t do it every single night, but we did it a lot. Even those two or three minutes of one-on-one time at night in their bedroom before they turned off their light I think is also an investment that\u2019s important.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have to get to the third lane.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Forgiveness?\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Forgiveness. We have to get there, because it\u2019s the core of how God relates to us: \u201c\u2026forgiving one another just as God in Christ forgave you.\u201d Listen to me, parents\u2014\n\n<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014your assignment is to communicate the forgiveness of God, practically, in all the different ways they disappoint you. In the many foul-ups and the many failures, you are modeling something that is supernatural.\n\nI have to share this quote by an unlikely source: Anne Lamont. Listen to this statement she makes about forgiveness: \u201cEarth is forgiveness school. You might as well start at the dinner table; that way, you can do this work in comfortable pants.\u201d [Laughter] Isn\u2019t that a great quote?!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It is.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Start at the dinner table; because you can do the work of forgiveness and feel comfortable, in a family, doing it.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And as you said, over and over again, part of the whole forgiveness equation is modeling for our children what it looks like to seek forgiveness when <em>we\u2019ve<\/em> done wrong so that they can then know how to seek forgiveness when <em>they\u2019ve<\/em> done wrong.\n\n<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\nThis whole idea of, not just granting forgiveness to our kids when they\u2019ve disobeyed, but showing them, when we mess up, we need forgiveness as well\u2014and I know that\u2019s a part of the dynamic.\n\nI\u2019m thinking about what you shared in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series, where one Thanksgiving you sat down with your kids and you had to ask for their forgiveness for how you had been harsh and critical with them.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, yes; that was a real milestone, I think, in our family. Dennis and I made it a practice, all the years we were raising our kids, to apologize when we made mistakes. I apologized every day, <em>multiple times<\/em>, for all kinds of things, to our kids.\n\nBut I went through a season of really understanding\u2014God was working in my life, and I was really coming to an understanding that I was really broken and wicked at the core. I wanted my children to understand that it was more than just I made occasional mistakes, here and there; but I wanted them to know that I was a sinner and that I was not\u2014\n\n<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\n\u2014I was not infallible. I wanted them to hear me say: \u201cI am really sorry that you have had to experience my sin nature\/my old sin nature. I wish that I could have bottled it up, and hidden it more or protected you from it more, but there it is.\u201d I just wanted them to know that I recognized that I was a sinful person, and that living with sinful people is harmful, and I wished I could have done it differently.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And at that point, you wept.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, yes; yes, I was heartbroken; because I didn\u2019t want to do that to my kids. I didn\u2019t want to harm my children.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think the kids had ever seen you weep.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, not like that; no\u2014no.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>But she had a godly sorrow about her sin; and then she asked them, \u201cWill you forgive me?\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and went around, person by person.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>And the great thing about kids is that they are <em>always<\/em> eager to forgive; because they love Mommy and Daddy, and they want a relationship.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\nThe significance of these three lanes on this bridge can\u2019t be overestimated.\n\n<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>While you\u2019re building them, it doesn\u2019t feel as significant; but when the tension comes up\/when there\u2019s conflict later on, having these lanes working\u2014unconditional love, and pursuit, and forgiveness\u2014keeps the relationship alive and thriving.\n\nI would hope our listeners would get a copy of your book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. It is now available, and you can go online to order at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. This is a great book for moms and dads to read together. Again, the title is <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. There\u2019s a DVD series that goes with it that you can use with a small group. The information about the DVD series and the book are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\n<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\nNow, speaking of <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014this year, we produced a feature film that was a part of the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em> project. In fact, many of you saw it in theaters, back in May. It\u2019s a movie called <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. That movie is not yet available for purchase on DVD; it will be available in early spring of 2019.\n\nWe do have a limited number of DVDs we\u2019re making available this month to those of you who can help with a yearend donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. As you heard Dennis mention earlier, the need is significant; but so is the opportunity. We have a matching-gift fund of $2.5 million that we\u2019re trying to take full advantage of. Every donation you make, here at yearend, is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to that two-and-a-half million dollar total.\n\nIf you\u2019re able, go online and donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate.\n\n<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\nAgain, we\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a special pre-release DVD of FamilyLife\u2019s movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>. It\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your partnership with us in this ministry.\u201d\n\nAnd we hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about one of the very important skills our kids need to learn as they form healthy relationships\u2014and that\u2019s how to seek forgiveness, how to grant forgiveness, how to resolve conflict effectively. We\u2019ll talk about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.\n\nHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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