{"id":300465,"date":"2018-11-21T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-11-21T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/slaying-sexual-sin\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:39","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:39","slug":"slaying-sexual-sin","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/slaying-sexual-sin\/","title":{"rendered":"Slaying Sexual Sin"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Roger Fankhauser gives hope to those struggling with sexual sin. Freedom from sexual sin won&#8217;t be found apart from confession and accountability.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:45","filesize":"28.16M","filesize_raw":"29529303","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901,2826],"tags":[4638,4639,2989,4637],"podcast_series":[7266],"cwp_profile":[8865],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300465","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","category-men","tag-living-sexually-pure","tag-overcoming-tempatation","tag-pornography","tag-sexual-sin","podcast_series-stormproof-men","cwp_profile-roger-fankhauser","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300465\/slaying-sexual-sin","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300465\/slaying-sexual-sin","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZwERoz2Sou\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/slaying-sexual-sin\/\">Slaying Sexual Sin<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/slaying-sexual-sin\/embed\/#?secret=ZwERoz2Sou\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Slaying Sexual Sin&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZwERoz2Sou\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019m thinking about men listening to us, right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve just said, \u201cBe careful of what you say to your wife.\u201d Yet, it could be, in a relationship with his wife, it\u2019s what has, in some ways, set him up to be more tempted in the first place because having sex with your wife is <em>risky<\/em>. It\u2019s much more risky for a man than it is for a woman. I\u2019m going to get some letters, I\u2019ll bet, about that; but I think, if you just think about for a moment, the physical side of intercourse\u2014a man needs to perform. A woman doesn\u2019t have to perform\u2014she has to receive\u2014but that\u2019s different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeak to the man, who has felt like he has been wounded; because he\u2019s risked it, and it hasn\u2019t worked out, repeatedly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a hard one to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think he needs to work on two things. One, is just remembering that his purity has to be independent of that. He can\u2019t say, \u201cWell, she\u2019s not responding; therefore, this is a safe outlet,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is: \u201cTalk with her.\u201d It may mean that you need to go see a pastor, or a counselor, or somebody and get some help\u2014say: \u201cSweetie, this is something I\u2019d really like to work on. I\u2019d like for us to be intimate in a real way,\u201d\u2014something\u2014because there could very well be she\u2019s got some pain and stuff in her background that is influencing that. It could be that she hasn\u2019t felt close to him for a long time; so \u201cWhy should I respond, physically, when\u2014yes; I feel like a stranger.\u201d There is a whole list of things that he needs to be vulnerable, I think, and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s get some help and help find out [what\u2019s wrong].\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would tell guys that are listening\u2014there is nothing wrong going to a counselor. That doesn\u2019t mean there is something wrong with you. All a counselor is\u2014somebody that\u2019s got an objective ear that can help answer some of those things that you really want answered anyway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard for a man to pull his own marriage out of the ditch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Oh, yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is something else I have said to guys, because I\u2019ve found this helpful for me. I don\u2019t remember where I heard it; but somebody pointed out to me once, \u201cAnytime you are looking at a woman and objectifying her,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s on a magazine, or in a movie, or whatever\u2014he said, \u201cyou\u2019ve got to remember that\u2019s some daddy\u2019s daughter.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, I\u2019m a daddy\u2014I\u2019ve got two daughters. If you came to me and said, \u201cHey, would it be okay with you if I just asked your girls to just look sexy for me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, there is no way! I mean, those are fighting words; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Every woman you are looking at is some daddy\u2019s daughter\u2014damaged\/scarred, perhaps\u2014all kinds of things that have brought her to that point\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but we\u2019ve got to strip away the fantasy and get to the reality of what\u2019s going on in the whole world of pornography to help us recognize: \u201cThis is not real. This is a complete deception, engineered by the father of lies, to trip you up and to cause you to rebel against your Creator.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; one of the things that came to my thinking, as I was studying all of this, is the importance of, not just telling people to stop, but give them something <em>positive<\/em> to work toward. One of those key things is honoring <em>other<\/em> people\u2014particularly, other women. It honors your wife, but it honors the other woman in realizing she is somebody\u2019s daughter\u2014she is created in the image of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would challenge them: \u201cIf there is somebody, who is tempting you, start praying for them. It\u2019s hard to lust over them and pray for them at the same time.\u201d That\u2019s an important recognition\u2014is recognizing their humanity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One other way you can give some guys hope, that you mention in your book, is you challenge men to counsel their own soul\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014to have a conversation with themselves. Speak to that, if you would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; the idea of talking about who you are, talking about what matters in life, talking about your perspective of God; and just taking an honest evaluation of who you are and how you see the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Another thing you mentioned in your book about that is you say, \u201cTalk to yourself about thinking about the temptation\u2014about fueling it \/ adding graphic imagination to it.\u201d You call men away from that to protect their souls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; we tolerate a lot. We need to stop doing that, and realizing and thinking about, \u201cWhat am I taking in?\u201d\u2014realizing that it might just be a brief nude scene in a movie, but it\u2019s fueling the fires. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me give you this scenario. A guy walks into your office next week\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he says, \u201cPastor, I\u2019ve just\u2014I\u2019m dealing with my own guilt on this. I was on a trip. I was lonely\u2026\u201d\u2014and by the way, I had a friend of mine, who was in a 12-Step program for alcohol addiction. He said one of the things he learned was the acronym, HALT\u2014H-A-L-T. They said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to fall back into your pattern when you\u2019re either hungry, angry, lonely, or tired\u2014H.A.L.T.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cThat applies to sexual sin too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> It does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhen we\u2019re hungry, or angry, or lonely, or tired, those are trigger points for us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe guy walks in\u2014he says: \u201cI was on a business trip. I was alone in the hotel. I bought the movie. I feel terrible. This has been a pattern for me. I want this to stop. I\u2019ve prayed about this before. I\u2019ve tried to stop it on my own. I want it fixed. I\u2019m ready to do whatever.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou give them a copy of your book, say, \u201cGood luck\u201d?\u2014or how do you help him through? What\u2019s the step to get him from where he is to where, a year later, he can say, \u201cThis isn\u2019t an issue for me anymore\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Well, of course, the best answer is: \u201cGive him my book.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Obviously, that\u2019s not the solution; but it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s take this\u2014and let\u2019s work through this together\u2014and build in a safe place for you to talk and be open\/be vulnerable.\u201d I think, too, oftentimes, we fail there, as the church; and we haven\u2019t made it safe\u2014so start there and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about things, one at a time. What\u2019s triggering this?\u2014being aware of: \u2018What are <em>your<\/em> triggers?\u2019 and \u2018What do we do about it?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe may very well\u2014he may come to the conclusion: \u201cI may need to\u2014when I check in, tell them turn off the pay-per-view movies; so I don\u2019t even have that option,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> \u2014if you know that\u2019s a temptation. You can\u2019t help the loneliness\u2014if you\u2019re on a business trip, stuck in a motel somewhere\u2014but you can minimize the temptation. It\u2019s being proactive with those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, if we can talk with him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and I\u2019ll spend as much time as he wants\u2014weeks with him, if necessary: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this; and help figure out what\u2019s going on, deep down, that is your heart issue,\u201d and make sure it\u2019s a safe place to talk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think that the safe place, and the accountability, and the interaction\u2014that\u2019s the foundational thing that\u2019s going to help him get to a point, where he can say, \u201cI\u2019m free of this\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Not so much the foundational but the right steps. The foundation, ultimately, is going to be when he\u2019s come to a healthy view of who God is and how much God loves him, the resources God has given him, and when he can begin to see how \u201cI can take these things and apply them in my life, whether I\u2019m meeting with Roger or not.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I would say one of the places you can use your book would be if a father had found out his son\u2014whether he is 13, 18, or 25\u2014that his son is struggling with either pornography or an affair and acting on some of these impulses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe can maybe share the book with him and say: \u201cLet\u2019s go through this. Let\u2019s get real with each other,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s talk about how I\u2019ve dealt with temptation, when I\u2019ve failed and when I have done it right. Let\u2019s see if we can\u2019t create a man-to-man, heart-to-heart conversation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat feels incredibly <em>threatening<\/em>, I think, to most dads\u2014but I think it also offers an opportunity of healing in his own life\u2014but also his son\u2019s as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; and I agree with that. I think dads need to be open. That\u2019s one of those things that I wish I could go back and do a better job of with my kids, because that\u2019s a conversation almost every dad wants to avoid having\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s crucial. It\u2019s even more crucial as our society becomes more and more just drenched in sex; because it\u2019s not a matter of whether they are going to hear the world\u2019s message. It\u2019s: \u201cThey are going to be inundated with it\u201d; and we, as dads\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that want our kids to be able to stand above that\u2014we have to be proactive. We can\u2019t paint the picture that \u201cGee, I\u2019m the perfect dad; so you be the perfect son.\u201d It\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019m a broken man. Let me help you deal with your issues as well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, this is a temptation I\u2019ve tried to analyze in my own heart and life: \u201cWhy am I drawn in this direction? Why is it that I would be pulled in this direction?\u201d I\u2019ve thought to myself\u2014and again, I\u2019m testing these conclusions on you guys\u2014but I\u2019ve thought: \u201cThere\u2019s a desire to be admired and desired. If I\u2019m feeling unappreciated, disrespected, undesired, unadmired\u2014or honestly, I can be feeling admired and desired by my wife\u2014but then, in the back of my mind, there is this thought: \u2018Well, yes; she\u2019s married to me. She has to.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> \u201cShe has to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; the question is: \u201cWould I still be attractive to somebody who doesn\u2019t have to be attracted to me?\u201d <em>Those<\/em> are the kinds of things that play around in the back of my mind and cause me to just go: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHmm, I wonder\u2026,\u201d That\u2019s when you are in the danger zone, where you\u2019ve got to be able to\u2014what you said, \u201cStart talking to your soul and saying, \u2018Look, you\u2019re in the wrong spot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c\u2019and this is not a good line of thinking to be following.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Sex was created by God to be a very good thing. When He said that the two shall become one flesh\u2014that is far more than the sexual union; but obviously, that\u2019s included\u2014God created us male and female with the body parts we have, intentionally; but since the fall, sex has been twisted. Satan has been more than happy to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We talked all around this issue. A good number of our listeners are married women, who listen in to get insights into their husband\/their man. What would be your best description of how it is so powerful to a man that it pulls him away from a real relationship, with a real person, to a false image that can never truly be satisfying in the true sense of that word over a lifetime?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> First thing I want to tell the women, who are listening, is\u2014their husband\u2019s sexual issues are not their fault. They, ultimately\u2014they have to take responsibility for their own actions. It\u2019s awfully easy for them to jump in and say, \u201cI need to do something different to fix him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, why is it so attractive? Ultimately, that\u2019s the way God has wired us, as sexual beings. When He talked about male and female, the words there actually talk, basically, body parts; so it\u2019s talking as much about our external being\u2014and that is how God has designed us\u2014is to have that strong desire toward someone else. He designed men, in general, to be the pursuer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anytime we talk about this\u2014again, we\u2019ve got to remind our listeners: \u201cWe understand that we are talking in generalities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThere are some wives, who would report to us that their interest is much higher than their husband\u2019s. Candidly, sometimes, that\u2019s because pornography is siphoning the interests of the husband away from his wife. Sometimes, it\u2019s just because a wife has a higher desire than her husband has for whatever reason.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And my solution to some of our listeners, who have been listening to us for a long time, who have never been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is: \u201cSurprise your spouse and take him away to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to get a biblical perspective of marriage\u2014of being a husband\/of being a wife; of resolving conflict; and importantly, a one-hour presentation at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> on the sexual dimension of the marriage relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the reasons why couples struggle in this area\u2014and as a result, men also struggle with pornography\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014is they are not singing off the same song sheet. In fact, they don\u2019t even have a song sheet for sex. What the conference will give you is a vocabulary. It\u2019ll give you practical illustrations of how you, as a couple, can communicate with one another around this most intimate of areas and create safety in the relationship so that, if there are struggles\u2014and there will be struggles, let\u2019s face it\u2014you know how to talk about it and, ultimately, come out the other side with some hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got information on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>; so listeners can go there to find out more. There\u2019s information about Roger\u2019s book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>, which we\u2019ve also got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to Roger for your work on this book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and \u201cThanks for turning it into a book.\u201d I know it was your thesis for your doctorate of ministry; and I just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d for your faithfulness and confronting, with love, a very, very tough issue in the church today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, the website\u2014if you\u2019d like a copy of Roger\u2019s book\u2014is FamilyLifeToday.com. The book is called <em>Stormproof Men: Sexual Purity for Christian Men in a Sex-Saturated World<\/em>. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Once again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these are tough subjects to address. Yet, this is the reality of what we are living with in our culture\u2014what Christian husbands and wives\/moms and dads are having to battle in their own lives\/in their marriage as they raise their kids. This is the real stuff of life. Here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we are committed to providing <em>you<\/em> with practical biblical help and hope for marriage and family issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, at FamilyLife, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe godly marriages and families can change the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do that by making this radio program available on hundreds of radio stations and outlets throughout the United States and around the world. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard in Spanish throughout Central and South America. There are people listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in other countries, using the FamilyLife app on their mobile device or streaming <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> from the web. There are people who are now telling Alexa to \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,\u201d and listening to it on their smart speaker. You make all of that listening possible. You\u2019re helping hundreds of thousands of moms and dads and husbands and wives every day when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We could not do what we do without your partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are able to help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to express our thanks by sending you a resource that your kids, or your grandkids, or children you know will love during the Christmas season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a collection of twelve Christmas ornaments\u2014kid-friendly ornaments\u2014called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas<sup>\u2122<\/sup>.\u201d\u00a0 Each ornament represents a different title for Jesus. There\u2019s an ornament that says \u201cHe is the Vine.\u201d One that says \u201cHe is the Living Water.\u201d One that says \u201cHe\u2019s the Light of the World.\u201d Each of these ornaments\u2014as you hang them on the tree, there is a brief devotional you can read, aloud, with your kids to help them understand that Jesus is the Bright Morning Star or the Lion of Judah and what that means. It keeps Jesus at the center of your Christmas celebration. <br><br>\u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas\u201d resource is our gift to you when you help with a donation today. It\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThanks for your partnership.\u201d You can make your donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can request \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas\u201d when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to introduce you to a remarkable couple who have a true story of overwhelming loss and an overcoming love in their marriage. You\u2019ll meet Katherine and Jay Wolf tomorrow, and I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:45"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["28.16M"],"filesize_raw":["29529303"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300465.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300465.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776535419;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Roger Fankhauser gives hope to those struggling with sexual sin. Freedom from sexual sin won't be found apart from confession and accountability.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, I\u2019m thinking about men listening to us, right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019ve just said, \u201cBe careful of what you say to your wife.\u201d Yet, it could be, in a relationship with his wife, it\u2019s what has, in some ways, set him up to be more tempted in the first place because having sex with your wife is <em>risky<\/em>. It\u2019s much more risky for a man than it is for a woman. I\u2019m going to get some letters, I\u2019ll bet, about that; but I think, if you just think about for a moment, the physical side of intercourse\u2014a man needs to perform. A woman doesn\u2019t have to perform\u2014she has to receive\u2014but that\u2019s different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeak to the man, who has felt like he has been wounded; because he\u2019s risked it, and it hasn\u2019t worked out, repeatedly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a hard one to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think he needs to work on two things. One, is just remembering that his purity has to be independent of that. He can\u2019t say, \u201cWell, she\u2019s not responding; therefore, this is a safe outlet,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is: \u201cTalk with her.\u201d It may mean that you need to go see a pastor, or a counselor, or somebody and get some help\u2014say: \u201cSweetie, this is something I\u2019d really like to work on. I\u2019d like for us to be intimate in a real way,\u201d\u2014something\u2014because there could very well be she\u2019s got some pain and stuff in her background that is influencing that. It could be that she hasn\u2019t felt close to him for a long time; so \u201cWhy should I respond, physically, when\u2014yes; I feel like a stranger.\u201d There is a whole list of things that he needs to be vulnerable, I think, and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s get some help and help find out [what\u2019s wrong].\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would tell guys that are listening\u2014there is nothing wrong going to a counselor. That doesn\u2019t mean there is something wrong with you. All a counselor is\u2014somebody that\u2019s got an objective ear that can help answer some of those things that you really want answered anyway. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard for a man to pull his own marriage out of the ditch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Oh, yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is something else I have said to guys, because I\u2019ve found this helpful for me. I don\u2019t remember where I heard it; but somebody pointed out to me once, \u201cAnytime you are looking at a woman and objectifying her,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s on a magazine, or in a movie, or whatever\u2014he said, \u201cyou\u2019ve got to remember that\u2019s some daddy\u2019s daughter.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, I\u2019m a daddy\u2014I\u2019ve got two daughters. If you came to me and said, \u201cHey, would it be okay with you if I just asked your girls to just look sexy for me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, there is no way! I mean, those are fighting words; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Every woman you are looking at is some daddy\u2019s daughter\u2014damaged\/scarred, perhaps\u2014all kinds of things that have brought her to that point\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but we\u2019ve got to strip away the fantasy and get to the reality of what\u2019s going on in the whole world of pornography to help us recognize: \u201cThis is not real. This is a complete deception, engineered by the father of lies, to trip you up and to cause you to rebel against your Creator.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; one of the things that came to my thinking, as I was studying all of this, is the importance of, not just telling people to stop, but give them something <em>positive<\/em> to work toward. One of those key things is honoring <em>other<\/em> people\u2014particularly, other women. It honors your wife, but it honors the other woman in realizing she is somebody\u2019s daughter\u2014she is created in the image of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would challenge them: \u201cIf there is somebody, who is tempting you, start praying for them. It\u2019s hard to lust over them and pray for them at the same time.\u201d That\u2019s an important recognition\u2014is recognizing their humanity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One other way you can give some guys hope, that you mention in your book, is you challenge men to counsel their own soul\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014to have a conversation with themselves. Speak to that, if you would. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; the idea of talking about who you are, talking about what matters in life, talking about your perspective of God; and just taking an honest evaluation of who you are and how you see the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Another thing you mentioned in your book about that is you say, \u201cTalk to yourself about thinking about the temptation\u2014about fueling it \/ adding graphic imagination to it.\u201d You call men away from that to protect their souls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; we tolerate a lot. We need to stop doing that, and realizing and thinking about, \u201cWhat am I taking in?\u201d\u2014realizing that it might just be a brief nude scene in a movie, but it\u2019s fueling the fires. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me give you this scenario. A guy walks into your office next week\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he says, \u201cPastor, I\u2019ve just\u2014I\u2019m dealing with my own guilt on this. I was on a trip. I was lonely\u2026\u201d\u2014and by the way, I had a friend of mine, who was in a 12-Step program for alcohol addiction. He said one of the things he learned was the acronym, HALT\u2014H-A-L-T. They said, \u201cYou\u2019re going to fall back into your pattern when you\u2019re either hungry, angry, lonely, or tired\u2014H.A.L.T.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cThat applies to sexual sin too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> It does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhen we\u2019re hungry, or angry, or lonely, or tired, those are trigger points for us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe guy walks in\u2014he says: \u201cI was on a business trip. I was alone in the hotel. I bought the movie. I feel terrible. This has been a pattern for me. I want this to stop. I\u2019ve prayed about this before. I\u2019ve tried to stop it on my own. I want it fixed. I\u2019m ready to do whatever.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou give them a copy of your book, say, \u201cGood luck\u201d?\u2014or how do you help him through? What\u2019s the step to get him from where he is to where, a year later, he can say, \u201cThis isn\u2019t an issue for me anymore\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Well, of course, the best answer is: \u201cGive him my book.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Obviously, that\u2019s not the solution; but it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s take this\u2014and let\u2019s work through this together\u2014and build in a safe place for you to talk and be open\/be vulnerable.\u201d I think, too, oftentimes, we fail there, as the church; and we haven\u2019t made it safe\u2014so start there and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about things, one at a time. What\u2019s triggering this?\u2014being aware of: \u2018What are <em>your<\/em> triggers?\u2019 and \u2018What do we do about it?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe may very well\u2014he may come to the conclusion: \u201cI may need to\u2014when I check in, tell them turn off the pay-per-view movies; so I don\u2019t even have that option,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> \u2014if you know that\u2019s a temptation. You can\u2019t help the loneliness\u2014if you\u2019re on a business trip, stuck in a motel somewhere\u2014but you can minimize the temptation. It\u2019s being proactive with those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, if we can talk with him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and I\u2019ll spend as much time as he wants\u2014weeks with him, if necessary: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this; and help figure out what\u2019s going on, deep down, that is your heart issue,\u201d and make sure it\u2019s a safe place to talk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You think that the safe place, and the accountability, and the interaction\u2014that\u2019s the foundational thing that\u2019s going to help him get to a point, where he can say, \u201cI\u2019m free of this\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Not so much the foundational but the right steps. The foundation, ultimately, is going to be when he\u2019s come to a healthy view of who God is and how much God loves him, the resources God has given him, and when he can begin to see how \u201cI can take these things and apply them in my life, whether I\u2019m meeting with Roger or not.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I would say one of the places you can use your book would be if a father had found out his son\u2014whether he is 13, 18, or 25\u2014that his son is struggling with either pornography or an affair and acting on some of these impulses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe can maybe share the book with him and say: \u201cLet\u2019s go through this. Let\u2019s get real with each other,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s talk about how I\u2019ve dealt with temptation, when I\u2019ve failed and when I have done it right. Let\u2019s see if we can\u2019t create a man-to-man, heart-to-heart conversation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat feels incredibly <em>threatening<\/em>, I think, to most dads\u2014but I think it also offers an opportunity of healing in his own life\u2014but also his son\u2019s as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Yes; and I agree with that. I think dads need to be open. That\u2019s one of those things that I wish I could go back and do a better job of with my kids, because that\u2019s a conversation almost every dad wants to avoid having\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s crucial. It\u2019s even more crucial as our society becomes more and more just drenched in sex; because it\u2019s not a matter of whether they are going to hear the world\u2019s message. It\u2019s: \u201cThey are going to be inundated with it\u201d; and we, as dads\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that want our kids to be able to stand above that\u2014we have to be proactive. We can\u2019t paint the picture that \u201cGee, I\u2019m the perfect dad; so you be the perfect son.\u201d It\u2019s: \u201cI\u2019m a broken man. Let me help you deal with your issues as well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, this is a temptation I\u2019ve tried to analyze in my own heart and life: \u201cWhy am I drawn in this direction? Why is it that I would be pulled in this direction?\u201d I\u2019ve thought to myself\u2014and again, I\u2019m testing these conclusions on you guys\u2014but I\u2019ve thought: \u201cThere\u2019s a desire to be admired and desired. If I\u2019m feeling unappreciated, disrespected, undesired, unadmired\u2014or honestly, I can be feeling admired and desired by my wife\u2014but then, in the back of my mind, there is this thought: \u2018Well, yes; she\u2019s married to me. She has to.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> \u201cShe has to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; the question is: \u201cWould I still be attractive to somebody who doesn\u2019t have to be attracted to me?\u201d <em>Those<\/em> are the kinds of things that play around in the back of my mind and cause me to just go: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHmm, I wonder\u2026,\u201d That\u2019s when you are in the danger zone, where you\u2019ve got to be able to\u2014what you said, \u201cStart talking to your soul and saying, \u2018Look, you\u2019re in the wrong spot\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201c\u2019and this is not a good line of thinking to be following.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Sex was created by God to be a very good thing. When He said that the two shall become one flesh\u2014that is far more than the sexual union; but obviously, that\u2019s included\u2014God created us male and female with the body parts we have, intentionally; but since the fall, sex has been twisted. Satan has been more than happy to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We talked all around this issue. A good number of our listeners are married women, who listen in to get insights into their husband\/their man. What would be your best description of how it is so powerful to a man that it pulls him away from a real relationship, with a real person, to a false image that can never truly be satisfying in the true sense of that word over a lifetime?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> First thing I want to tell the women, who are listening, is\u2014their husband\u2019s sexual issues are not their fault. They, ultimately\u2014they have to take responsibility for their own actions. It\u2019s awfully easy for them to jump in and say, \u201cI need to do something different to fix him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, why is it so attractive? Ultimately, that\u2019s the way God has wired us, as sexual beings. When He talked about male and female, the words there actually talk, basically, body parts; so it\u2019s talking as much about our external being\u2014and that is how God has designed us\u2014is to have that strong desire toward someone else. He designed men, in general, to be the pursuer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anytime we talk about this\u2014again, we\u2019ve got to remind our listeners: \u201cWe understand that we are talking in generalities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThere are some wives, who would report to us that their interest is much higher than their husband\u2019s. Candidly, sometimes, that\u2019s because pornography is siphoning the interests of the husband away from his wife. Sometimes, it\u2019s just because a wife has a higher desire than her husband has for whatever reason.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And my solution to some of our listeners, who have been listening to us for a long time, who have never been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is: \u201cSurprise your spouse and take him away to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> to get a biblical perspective of marriage\u2014of being a husband\/of being a wife; of resolving conflict; and importantly, a one-hour presentation at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> on the sexual dimension of the marriage relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the reasons why couples struggle in this area\u2014and as a result, men also struggle with pornography\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014is they are not singing off the same song sheet. In fact, they don\u2019t even have a song sheet for sex. What the conference will give you is a vocabulary. It\u2019ll give you practical illustrations of how you, as a couple, can communicate with one another around this most intimate of areas and create safety in the relationship so that, if there are struggles\u2014and there will be struggles, let\u2019s face it\u2014you know how to talk about it and, ultimately, come out the other side with some hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got information on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>; so listeners can go there to find out more. There\u2019s information about Roger\u2019s book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>, which we\u2019ve also got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And let me just say, \u201cThanks,\u201d to Roger for your work on this book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> You\u2019re welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and \u201cThanks for turning it into a book.\u201d I know it was your thesis for your doctorate of ministry; and I just want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d for your faithfulness and confronting, with love, a very, very tough issue in the church today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, again, the website\u2014if you\u2019d like a copy of Roger\u2019s book\u2014is FamilyLifeToday.com. The book is called <em>Stormproof Men: Sexual Purity for Christian Men in a Sex-Saturated World<\/em>. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Once again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these are tough subjects to address. Yet, this is the reality of what we are living with in our culture\u2014what Christian husbands and wives\/moms and dads are having to battle in their own lives\/in their marriage as they raise their kids. This is the real stuff of life. Here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we are committed to providing <em>you<\/em> with practical biblical help and hope for marriage and family issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal, at FamilyLife, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe godly marriages and families can change the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe do that by making this radio program available on hundreds of radio stations and outlets throughout the United States and around the world. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard in Spanish throughout Central and South America. There are people listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in other countries, using the FamilyLife app on their mobile device or streaming <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> from the web. There are people who are now telling Alexa to \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,\u201d and listening to it on their smart speaker. You make all of that listening possible. You\u2019re helping hundreds of thousands of moms and dads and husbands and wives every day when you help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We could not do what we do without your partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are able to help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to express our thanks by sending you a resource that your kids, or your grandkids, or children you know will love during the Christmas season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a collection of twelve Christmas ornaments\u2014kid-friendly ornaments\u2014called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas<sup>\u2122<\/sup>.\u201d\u00a0 Each ornament represents a different title for Jesus. There\u2019s an ornament that says \u201cHe is the Vine.\u201d One that says \u201cHe is the Living Water.\u201d One that says \u201cHe\u2019s the Light of the World.\u201d Each of these ornaments\u2014as you hang them on the tree, there is a brief devotional you can read, aloud, with your kids to help them understand that Jesus is the Bright Morning Star or the Lion of Judah and what that means. It keeps Jesus at the center of your Christmas celebration. <br><br>\u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas\u201d resource is our gift to you when you help with a donation today. It\u2019s our way of saying, \u201cThanks for your partnership.\u201d You can make your donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can request \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas\u201d when you mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to introduce you to a remarkable couple who have a true story of overwhelming loss and an overcoming love in their marriage. You\u2019ll meet Katherine and Jay Wolf tomorrow, and I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300465","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300465"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300465"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300465"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300465"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300465"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300465"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300465"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}