{"id":300463,"date":"2018-11-20T12:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-11-20T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/overcoming-sexual-sin\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:39","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:39","slug":"overcoming-sexual-sin","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/overcoming-sexual-sin\/","title":{"rendered":"Overcoming Sexual Sin"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sexual sin is a pandemic in our culture. Roger Fankhauser talks about living sexually pure in a sex-saturated world. Fankhauser reminds us that it&#8217;s possible to live a pure life, but the key is &#8220;wanting to.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:52","filesize":"24.59M","filesize_raw":"25789532","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901,2826],"tags":[4638,4639,4637],"podcast_series":[7266],"cwp_profile":[8865],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300463","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","category-men","tag-living-sexually-pure","tag-overcoming-tempatation","tag-sexual-sin","podcast_series-stormproof-men","cwp_profile-roger-fankhauser","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300463\/overcoming-sexual-sin","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300463\/overcoming-sexual-sin","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ETq5rnPhZB\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/overcoming-sexual-sin\/\">Overcoming Sexual Sin<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/overcoming-sexual-sin\/embed\/#?secret=ETq5rnPhZB\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Overcoming Sexual Sin&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ETq5rnPhZB\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Roger Fankhauser is a pastor, who has talked to many men, who are battling with issues of moral purity. Where does he point them when he sits down to talk to them? Here\u2019s Roger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I start with letting them know that it\u2019s possible\u2014because we often start with that thinking of: \u201cSexual sin is too big,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t help myself,\u201d \u201cThe temptation\u2019s too strong,\u201d\u2014so it starts with that idea of \u201cIt\u2019s possible to get out of this\u201d; and then, the next step is \u201cLet\u2019s build a healthier view of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. There is a path to freedom for men who find themselves struggling with issues of moral purity. We\u2019re going to point men to that path today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I think, if sexual sin among men could be classified as a disease, I think the centers for disease control in our country would have to declare a pandemic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it, Bob. I think the church ought to be leading the way. When I speak of the church, I\u2019m not talking about the building; I\u2019m talking about those of us who are professed followers of Jesus Christ\u2014need to be salt and light in the culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s a sex-saturated culture; and that\u2019s what makes it a challenge for all of us, as men\u2014and for women, as well\u2014although we\u2019re focusing on men today, but women face the same barrage. The temptations are just dangled in front of you, regularly, so you have to have your armor on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; sex-saturated is the subtitle of the book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>. That subtitle reads <em>Sexual Purity for Christian Men in a Sex-Saturated World. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Roger Fankhauser joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Roger, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Thank you. I\u2019m excited to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Roger is a Texan. We let him in across the border of Arkansas without having to have a passport, but he\u2019s a pastor down there\u2014been married to Debbie since 1974, has three children, seven grandchildren\u2014and has done some remarkable studies around the subject of sexual addiction and what pornography is costing men today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And this was all prompted from an assignment you were given in seminary; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Correct; yes. The professor asked us\u2014he said, \u201cIf someone came into your office and said, \u2018I\u2019m addicted to sex,\u2019 what would you say?\u201d I found a creative way to turn the answer, \u201cI have no idea,\u201d into a five-page paper. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>First of all, I have to say I\u2019m glad that the professor was asking future pastors to answer that question; because these are the practical issues of pastoral ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nobody\u2019s coming in and saying: \u201cIs that verb\u2026\u201d \u201cIs that in the past tense or is that in the perfect tense?\u201d But a lot of people\u2014a lot of guys\u2014are owning up to the fact that their marriages are being challenged and threatened. I\u2019m sure, in pastoral ministry, you\u2019ve had a lot of conversations on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; it wasn\u2019t long in ministry\u2014I had a young man walk in my office and say: \u201cI\u2019m getting married, and I have a problem with porn. Help me.\u201d It became obvious that I needed to do some work to find out how I could help him. This guy was a very smart guy\u2014he was in medical school\u2014and he said he\u2019s read all the books. There was just something that was missing, and I realized I needed to do some more work. As I dug, I found out there are not many good resources.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was this something you had ever struggled with personally?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, I could say, \u201cYes,\u201d or I could lie. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, let\u2019s just be honest\u2014all of us face the temptation; right? All of us have been confronted with \u201cWhere are we going to go?\u201d I think any parent, who\u2019s raising a son today, has to recognize it\u2019s not na\u00efve to think that, \u201cIf your son is 16, he\u2019s probably looked at something he shouldn\u2019t have looked at.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; one of my most embarrassing moments, I recall, as a teenager, was my mom decided to do me a favor and clean my room. I went upstairs into my bedroom; and there, on the pillow, was all the magazines that I\u2019d hidden under the bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And she found them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What\u2019d she say to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, this was pretty funny, I think, because my bedroom was upstairs. You had to go down one set of stairs into the living room. There was no way of escape, and I knew Mom and Dad were sitting there. They told me they could hear me come clomping down the stairs, and each step was a little longer before the next step. I opened the door, and they started laughing. I went, \u201cWhat?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat are you going to do to me?\u201d Mom said: \u201cNothing. There\u2019s not a <em>thing<\/em> I could do that would live up to what you\u2019ve imagined on your way down those steps.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you were married early. Your wife was 18 when you married; how old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I was the ripe age of 19, but I turned 20 the next day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What impact did pornography have on your marriage as you started out your relationship with Debbie?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I think that it gave me some false ideas of what intimacy would be like within marriage. It was just something that I looked at like, unfortunately, most kids; but it definitely impacted the way that I understood what sex was supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and you stop and think about it\u2014again, this is a culture, where young men are likely to have been exposed\u2014probably, not addicted\u2014but at least, exposed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat exposure does set thoughts and expectations about what sex is supposed to look like, and that does influence how intimacy works in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, the brain is configured of a series of connections. There\u2019s something that pornography does to the brain\u2014that scientists are finding it kind of burrows in deep and creates channels that can\u2019t easily be ignored as you move into adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason we\u2019re offering these broadcasts today, especially, is because we have a generation of young people\u2014we touched on it\u2014who are seeing pornography at earlier and earlier ages. Roger, what\u2019s the average age you\u2019re seeing in all your research around this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>The latest I read was the average boy\u2019s exposed to porn the first time at eight\u2014eight years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is pre-puberty\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014before hormones\u2014so this is curiosity; but there\u2019s something still that happens in the heart of a boy when he sees that; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; it starts changing things\u2014and from, very early on, it starts changing. Of course, the earlier you start changing the wiring in the brain, the more hardwired it becomes\u2014the harder it is to deal with later on. It creates a whole problem in the mind of that boy; and obviously, then, in the family; and then, his future wife; and on it goes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And for an eight-year-old boy, who\u2019s sneaking peeks at his friend\u2019s iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or magazines, or movies\u2014or however he\u2019s consuming it\u2014what would you say to his mom <em>and<\/em> dad about intersecting his world and having a conversation about it without it being filled with shame and condemnation? You know, it\u2019s interesting how your mom and dad handled it\u2014they laughed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You could have told me any answer; and I think that one shocks me the most\u2014that they handled it and disarmed it like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; but you notice\u2014many years later, I remember it very well. I think they handled it well, but I think parents need to be careful in how they speak about sex. I think they need to make sure that they start talking positively about what it is at a very early age. When our family was growing up\u2014with our kids, we were just very open. We would talk to them, at any age, about just about anything\u2014you know, appropriately. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is being very careful that we don\u2019t build shame on top of it; because once we start telling them, \u201cHey, this is wrong,\u201d\u2014if we belittle them in any way, shape, or form\u2014you start generating that shame, and that pulls them away from you and builds a shell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, back to the mom and the dad talking to the eight-year-old, how would you suggest a parent engage in a conversation that is both preemptive but positive as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; they just find out there\u2019s something on the internet history, or they\u2019re aware that there\u2019s been exposure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do they begin that conversation, and what should it look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; the beginning part is the hardest part. I think, at the very start, I think they need to say: \u201cHey, we love you very much. What we\u2019re talking about is because we want what\u2019s best for you\u2014not just best right now, but for your whole life\u2014and we want to talk to you about how God has really designed a man and a woman,\u201d\u2014they don\u2019t necessarily need to go into all the ins and outs\u2014and then explain how that is something that they\u2019ll find, and they need to understand that that\u2019s not a healthy view. Not so much built on the, \u201cHey, you\u2019re wrong,\u201d but on \u201cThat\u2019s not a healthy view of how God has designed us to function.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you ask them if they\u2019ve seen anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes! Yes; we had a number of foster kids. I remember one of the boys asking us one time\u2014he says, \u201cWell, when am I going to get a cell phone?\u201d Our answer was, \u201cNever,\u201d because we\u2019re putting TNT in the hands of kids that don\u2019t know how to use it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember a conversation with one of my sons. The thing that I\u2019d do over again\u2014that I don\u2019t think I did a good job of in that conversation is\u2014I didn\u2019t say to my son, \u201cLook; this is something I struggle with too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cThis is an issue for me just like it\u2019s an issue for you,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s hold one another accountable on this.\u201d I was too parental and trying to correct <em>his<\/em> issue, without making it clear to him\u2014he\u2019s not alone in this issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s important that you <em>model<\/em> to a young man how to handle failure; because they will fail, more than likely, in this area\u2014initially, more times than they will succeed. Equip them to know, first of all, \u201cThis is normal,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s not necessarily approved; you\u2019re not saying, by admitting you did it, that it\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There\u2019s shame in a man\u2019s life, who admits that to his child or to his wife; but you disarm it, at that point, and give the boy some hope that he\u2019s not alone in it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s crucial. I think that\u2019s a pattern in Scripture. When Paul, in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 10, talks about temptation, he says, \u201cThere is no temptation but such as is common to man.\u201d I think there\u2019s that lie that, \u201cI\u2019m the only one that struggles with this.\u201d As parents, we have to be careful that we don\u2019t communicate, \u201cSon, you\u2019re struggling with this; but I\u201d\u2014either \u201cnever did,\u201d or \u201cstill don\u2019t,\u201d\u2014because the reality is most men\u2014probably all\u2014have struggled with it on some level. They need to know that: \u201cYes; this is something common. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s right, but it\u2019s common.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me jump ahead. We\u2019ve been talking about pre-adolescence and adolescence; but as pastor, you\u2019re talking to single guys and married guys who find themselves surprised that this is still a challenge for them; because they all thought, \u201cOnce I get married, this will all be cured for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are four questions that you address\u2014that I thought were really helpful when you sit down with a guy\u2014four crucial questions, and they are: \u201cDo you want to experience purity?\u201d \u201cIs it possible to experience purity?\u201d \u201cWhat do we think God thinks of us?\u201d \u201cIf it\u2019s possible, how in the world do we do this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Starting with the question, \u201cDo you want to experience purity?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a good starting point; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s a crucial question; because we can know the right things, and we can know the church answer\u2014and we can know all that stuff\u2014but if there\u2019s no \u201cwant to,\u201d it\u2019s not going to succeed very long. We all know stories of people, who have gotten caught, and they have their act together; but deep down, they haven\u2019t really changed that. They end up sliding back into the old lifestyle. And there\u2019s nothing you can do, really, to build that \u201cwant to\u201d into somebody other than modeling and showing them it\u2019s worth it. That has to come from the heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, most guys want to be pure the day after they were impure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, they wake up the next morning with guilt or with shame; and they go, \u201cOkay; I don\u2019t want to ever do that again,\u201d but late at night\u2014when that temptation overtakes them and they don\u2019t resist\u2014in that moment, what they\u2019re saying is, \u201cI want this more than I want purity.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you deal with <em>that<\/em> battle when it\u2019s happening at 11 o\u2019 clock at night, when the house is quiet and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cI could click here, and nobody\u2019s going to notice anything\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>It\u2019s not going to be a \u201cone statement fixes all\u201d thing; it\u2019s something you have to start building into the hearts and just changing the way we <em>think<\/em>. Oftentimes, you have that initial guilt; because you know you did something wrong; but there\u2019s not that heartfelt guilt, like David when he finally realized, \u201cI\u2019ve sinned against God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>You know, that level\u2014it\u2019s not really <em>there<\/em>, other than just, you know, in the words. Part of it begins with understanding who God is, and understanding the provisions we have, and building in \u201cWhat am I working towards?\u201d It\u2019s not just, \u201cI\u2019m not going to go to this website,\u201d but I\u2019m building towards something more positive in my life; and it starts there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, on top of that\u2014this is getting\u2014when we get a little farther down, dealing with: \u201cWhat do you do to deal with failures?\u201d\u2014realizing it\u2019s not a one-time-fixes-all for life. I love the seemingly contradiction of 1 John, where he says: \u201cI write these things so you don\u2019t sin. But when you do\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>You know, realizing slips aren\u2019t good; but they\u2019re normal. It\u2019s a slow process of changing the perspective on God; changing the perspective of himself\u2014but building into it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t want to move to the solution too quickly;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but on the other hand, I know we\u2019re talking to guys, right now, who\u2014they don\u2019t need to be convinced\u2014whether they\u2019re single or married\u2014of the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you\u2019ve talked to men\u2014and you\u2019ve practically put some steps to get out of the trap before them\u2014where do you start?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I start with letting them know that it\u2019s possible; because we often start with that thinking of: \u201cThis is just too big,\u201d \u201cThis sexual sin is too big,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t help myself,\u201d \u201cThe temptation\u2019s too strong\u2026\u201d\u2014so it starts with that idea of \u201cIt\u2019s possible to get out of this.\u201d Then, the next step is \u201cLet\u2019s build a healthier view of God\u201d; because I\u2019m convinced that, as we have a healthier view of God, then we have a healthier view of what we\u2019re dealing with and how to move forward with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, I think that\u2019s so foundational to what we\u2019re talking about here; because I think most guys, when they are tempted or when they fall and feel guilt, they feel shame for their reputation; they feel shame for \u201cI\u2019d be embarrassed if anybody found out\u201d; but most of us don\u2019t think, \u201cI\u2019ve just sinned against God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Until we recognize that this is not just something that we\u2019re free to choose or not choose, but this is a decision to rebel against God\u2014His design and His purpose for our lives\u2014until we get to that point, we have not fully appreciated the sobriety of the decision we make when we say, \u201cI\u2019m going to go ahead and click and look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; I think, when we don\u2019t have a high enough view of God, that lowers our expectations, obviously, of what God is like; but it also raises our acceptance of sin, because we don\u2019t see it as all that significant. You know, we see it as something more like, \u201cOh, I went 75 [mph] in a 70 [zone]\u201d\u2014versus, you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve committed capital murder.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You love to teach Bible study methods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That would be a route for a man to become intimately acquainted with who God is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where should he go and where should he start in the study of Scripture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, there are two places. One is\u2014I love to tell the story of Isaiah, in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 6, where he has this incredible experience. I encourage guys: \u201cTake your time. Read this and try to picture this\u201d; because you can read it in just a few seconds. You know, he sees the angels\u2014he hears them crying out, \u201cHoly, holy, holy.\u201d You know, you have the smoke, and the trembling, and all the sensations. The fascinating thing, to me, is Isaiah\u2014without ever being told anything\u2014responds \u201cWoe is me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>It\u2019s not because anybody told him: \u201cThere\u2019s something wrong with you\u201d; it\u2019s because he saw the greatness of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when he says, \u201cWoe is me,\u201d he\u2019s not saying, \u201cI\u2019m having a bad day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWoe is me\u201d\u2014explain what \u201cwoe is me\u201d means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, the idea is, essentially, \u201cI\u2019m cursed; I\u2019m without hope.\u201d As a result of that, the angels bring the coals to him as an act of grace, because he realizes: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThere\u2019s absolutely <em>nothing<\/em> I can do to fix this. I\u2019m just broken; and apart from God, there\u2019s nothing I can do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that is a very\u2014that\u2019s an easy place to start. Then I also encourage guys\u2014I just do this as a general principle for a lot of people struggling in life\u2014is read through the Psalms slowly, and highlight things that you see about what it says about God, and then periodically summarize those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a seminary professor that assigned that as a class assignment\u2014we had to go through all 150. You wouldn\u2019t necessarily tell somebody, \u201cGo through all 150 Psalms\u201d; but start there, because that is a very succinct place that\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014talks about who God is and in so many different ways. You\u2019ll see His holiness, His faithfulness, His love, grace\u2014all those different attributes of God. It\u2019s in bite-size pieces that you can say: \u201cHere\u2019s some place\u2014let\u2019s start here\u2014we can talk about a Psalm and see what you learn about what God is like.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like your answer. You know, a lot of times, we throw this out to men, \u201cGet to know God better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The average guy goes, \u201cI\u2019m not a seminary graduate\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cHow do I do that?\u201d\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cHow do I accomplish that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like where you pointed them. I will also point them\u2014not only to your book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>\u2014but I wrote a little book, where I talked about seven non-negotiables. I just was thinking about it as you were talking about getting to know God. I begin with three of the seven, where I talk about \u201cSeeking God, Not Sin.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Second one is: \u201cFear God, Not Men\u201d; and third: \u201cLove God, Not the World.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you start thinking about sexual sin. Seeking God, when sin\u2019s out to get you, will help you have a different destination that you\u2019re looking for in getting to know God. Seek Him\u2014get to know Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFear God: I think that\u2019s one of the reasons why sin has so little consequences [in our minds]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t realize how great and how fearful God really is and that we are accountable to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally\u2014Love God: That\u2019s in response to His love for us\u2014you touched on it. The gospel of Jesus Christ is God stepping out of heaven and loving us so much He\u2019s turned us around\u2014back to face Him and experience that love and, then, begin to reflect that love, back to Him, every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I think, at the core of what we\u2019ve been talking about here, is: \u201cIf you see pornography\/sexual sin\u2014if you see these as pragmatic issues that need to be addressed or managed in your life, then you\u2019re always going to be in trouble. If you see these as spiritual issues\u2014as issues of rebellion against God\u2014now, you\u2019re at the beginning place of getting these issues addressed.\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s at the heart of the book that Roger has written, called <em>Stormproof Men: Sexual Purity for Christian Men in a Sex-Saturated World<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of Roger\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can order the book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>, by Roger Fankhauser, when you call us at 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as we talk about this issue, I hope that the guys who are listening today recognize we\u2019re not talking down at you. We\u2019re talking right alongside you on this issue. All of us struggle with all kinds of sin patterns in our lives, and the issue of sexual purity\u2014that\u2019s a big one for men today. But there are issues that guys deal with\u2014other issues that wives and moms deal with as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we try to provide practical biblical help and hope for the issues that husbands and wives and moms and dads are facing in their marriage and as they raise the next generation. Our goal, at FamilyLife, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe a godly marriage\/a godly family can change the world, one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so grateful for those of you who are allies with us in this cause. Every time you donate to support this ministry, you make tomorrow\u2019s program possible. You make it possible for us to reach more people, more regularly, on this local radio station, through our app, online, folks who are accessing us by telling their Amazon devices to have Alexa play <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014you can set up that task in your Alexa app on your phone. You make it possible for people, all around the world, to receive practical biblical help and hope when you donate to support this ministry; and we\u2019re grateful for the partnership we have with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you can help with a donation today, we have a resource we\u2019d like to send you that will be <em>great<\/em> to use with your kids, or your grandkids, or any kids you know during the Christmas season. It\u2019s a resource called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas<sup>\u2122<\/sup>.\u201d It\u2019s twelve kid-friendly Christmas ornaments that are designed to help you teach your kids more about who Jesus is during the Christmas season. There\u2019s a devotional guide that goes along with the ornament; and every time a child hangs an ornament on a tree, you can explore a different name or title of Jesus. It\u2019s a great tool to use during the Christmas season to keep your kids pointed at the real reason for the season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can request \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas\u201d when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. You can also request the ornaments when you donate by mail. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how dads can have good conversations with their sons around the issue of sexuality and pornography to help get their sons ready for the world in which we all live today. I hope you can tune in tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:52"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.59M"],"filesize_raw":["25789532"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300463.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300463.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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sin is a pandemic in our culture. Roger Fankhauser talks about living sexually pure in a sex-saturated world. Fankhauser reminds us that it's possible to live a pure life, but the key is \"wanting to.\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-11-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Roger Fankhauser is a pastor, who has talked to many men, who are battling with issues of moral purity. Where does he point them when he sits down to talk to them? Here\u2019s Roger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I start with letting them know that it\u2019s possible\u2014because we often start with that thinking of: \u201cSexual sin is too big,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t help myself,\u201d \u201cThe temptation\u2019s too strong,\u201d\u2014so it starts with that idea of \u201cIt\u2019s possible to get out of this\u201d; and then, the next step is \u201cLet\u2019s build a healthier view of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. There is a path to freedom for men who find themselves struggling with issues of moral purity. We\u2019re going to point men to that path today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, I think, if sexual sin among men could be classified as a disease, I think the centers for disease control in our country would have to declare a pandemic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>No doubt about it, Bob. I think the church ought to be leading the way. When I speak of the church, I\u2019m not talking about the building; I\u2019m talking about those of us who are professed followers of Jesus Christ\u2014need to be salt and light in the culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s a sex-saturated culture; and that\u2019s what makes it a challenge for all of us, as men\u2014and for women, as well\u2014although we\u2019re focusing on men today, but women face the same barrage. The temptations are just dangled in front of you, regularly, so you have to have your armor on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; sex-saturated is the subtitle of the book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>. That subtitle reads <em>Sexual Purity for Christian Men in a Sex-Saturated World. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDr. Roger Fankhauser joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Roger, welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Thank you. I\u2019m excited to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Roger is a Texan. We let him in across the border of Arkansas without having to have a passport, but he\u2019s a pastor down there\u2014been married to Debbie since 1974, has three children, seven grandchildren\u2014and has done some remarkable studies around the subject of sexual addiction and what pornography is costing men today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And this was all prompted from an assignment you were given in seminary; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Correct; yes. The professor asked us\u2014he said, \u201cIf someone came into your office and said, \u2018I\u2019m addicted to sex,\u2019 what would you say?\u201d I found a creative way to turn the answer, \u201cI have no idea,\u201d into a five-page paper. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>First of all, I have to say I\u2019m glad that the professor was asking future pastors to answer that question; because these are the practical issues of pastoral ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nobody\u2019s coming in and saying: \u201cIs that verb\u2026\u201d \u201cIs that in the past tense or is that in the perfect tense?\u201d But a lot of people\u2014a lot of guys\u2014are owning up to the fact that their marriages are being challenged and threatened. I\u2019m sure, in pastoral ministry, you\u2019ve had a lot of conversations on this subject.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; it wasn\u2019t long in ministry\u2014I had a young man walk in my office and say: \u201cI\u2019m getting married, and I have a problem with porn. Help me.\u201d It became obvious that I needed to do some work to find out how I could help him. This guy was a very smart guy\u2014he was in medical school\u2014and he said he\u2019s read all the books. There was just something that was missing, and I realized I needed to do some more work. As I dug, I found out there are not many good resources.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was this something you had ever struggled with personally?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, I could say, \u201cYes,\u201d or I could lie. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, let\u2019s just be honest\u2014all of us face the temptation; right? All of us have been confronted with \u201cWhere are we going to go?\u201d I think any parent, who\u2019s raising a son today, has to recognize it\u2019s not na\u00efve to think that, \u201cIf your son is 16, he\u2019s probably looked at something he shouldn\u2019t have looked at.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; one of my most embarrassing moments, I recall, as a teenager, was my mom decided to do me a favor and clean my room. I went upstairs into my bedroom; and there, on the pillow, was all the magazines that I\u2019d hidden under the bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And she found them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What\u2019d she say to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, this was pretty funny, I think, because my bedroom was upstairs. You had to go down one set of stairs into the living room. There was no way of escape, and I knew Mom and Dad were sitting there. They told me they could hear me come clomping down the stairs, and each step was a little longer before the next step. I opened the door, and they started laughing. I went, \u201cWhat?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWhat are you going to do to me?\u201d Mom said: \u201cNothing. There\u2019s not a <em>thing<\/em> I could do that would live up to what you\u2019ve imagined on your way down those steps.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, you were married early. Your wife was 18 when you married; how old were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I was the ripe age of 19, but I turned 20 the next day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What impact did pornography have on your marriage as you started out your relationship with Debbie?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I think that it gave me some false ideas of what intimacy would be like within marriage. It was just something that I looked at like, unfortunately, most kids; but it definitely impacted the way that I understood what sex was supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and you stop and think about it\u2014again, this is a culture, where young men are likely to have been exposed\u2014probably, not addicted\u2014but at least, exposed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat exposure does set thoughts and expectations about what sex is supposed to look like, and that does influence how intimacy works in a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, the brain is configured of a series of connections. There\u2019s something that pornography does to the brain\u2014that scientists are finding it kind of burrows in deep and creates channels that can\u2019t easily be ignored as you move into adulthood.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason we\u2019re offering these broadcasts today, especially, is because we have a generation of young people\u2014we touched on it\u2014who are seeing pornography at earlier and earlier ages. Roger, what\u2019s the average age you\u2019re seeing in all your research around this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>The latest I read was the average boy\u2019s exposed to porn the first time at eight\u2014eight years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is pre-puberty\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014before hormones\u2014so this is curiosity; but there\u2019s something still that happens in the heart of a boy when he sees that; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; it starts changing things\u2014and from, very early on, it starts changing. Of course, the earlier you start changing the wiring in the brain, the more hardwired it becomes\u2014the harder it is to deal with later on. It creates a whole problem in the mind of that boy; and obviously, then, in the family; and then, his future wife; and on it goes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And for an eight-year-old boy, who\u2019s sneaking peeks at his friend\u2019s iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or magazines, or movies\u2014or however he\u2019s consuming it\u2014what would you say to his mom <em>and<\/em> dad about intersecting his world and having a conversation about it without it being filled with shame and condemnation? You know, it\u2019s interesting how your mom and dad handled it\u2014they laughed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You could have told me any answer; and I think that one shocks me the most\u2014that they handled it and disarmed it like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; but you notice\u2014many years later, I remember it very well. I think they handled it well, but I think parents need to be careful in how they speak about sex. I think they need to make sure that they start talking positively about what it is at a very early age. When our family was growing up\u2014with our kids, we were just very open. We would talk to them, at any age, about just about anything\u2014you know, appropriately. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other is being very careful that we don\u2019t build shame on top of it; because once we start telling them, \u201cHey, this is wrong,\u201d\u2014if we belittle them in any way, shape, or form\u2014you start generating that shame, and that pulls them away from you and builds a shell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, back to the mom and the dad talking to the eight-year-old, how would you suggest a parent engage in a conversation that is both preemptive but positive as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; they just find out there\u2019s something on the internet history, or they\u2019re aware that there\u2019s been exposure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do they begin that conversation, and what should it look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; the beginning part is the hardest part. I think, at the very start, I think they need to say: \u201cHey, we love you very much. What we\u2019re talking about is because we want what\u2019s best for you\u2014not just best right now, but for your whole life\u2014and we want to talk to you about how God has really designed a man and a woman,\u201d\u2014they don\u2019t necessarily need to go into all the ins and outs\u2014and then explain how that is something that they\u2019ll find, and they need to understand that that\u2019s not a healthy view. Not so much built on the, \u201cHey, you\u2019re wrong,\u201d but on \u201cThat\u2019s not a healthy view of how God has designed us to function.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Would you ask them if they\u2019ve seen anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes! Yes; we had a number of foster kids. I remember one of the boys asking us one time\u2014he says, \u201cWell, when am I going to get a cell phone?\u201d Our answer was, \u201cNever,\u201d because we\u2019re putting TNT in the hands of kids that don\u2019t know how to use it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember a conversation with one of my sons. The thing that I\u2019d do over again\u2014that I don\u2019t think I did a good job of in that conversation is\u2014I didn\u2019t say to my son, \u201cLook; this is something I struggle with too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cThis is an issue for me just like it\u2019s an issue for you,\u201d and \u201cLet\u2019s hold one another accountable on this.\u201d I was too parental and trying to correct <em>his<\/em> issue, without making it clear to him\u2014he\u2019s not alone in this issue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s important that you <em>model<\/em> to a young man how to handle failure; because they will fail, more than likely, in this area\u2014initially, more times than they will succeed. Equip them to know, first of all, \u201cThis is normal,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s not necessarily approved; you\u2019re not saying, by admitting you did it, that it\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>That\u2019s correct.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>There\u2019s shame in a man\u2019s life, who admits that to his child or to his wife; but you disarm it, at that point, and give the boy some hope that he\u2019s not alone in it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s crucial. I think that\u2019s a pattern in Scripture. When Paul, in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 10, talks about temptation, he says, \u201cThere is no temptation but such as is common to man.\u201d I think there\u2019s that lie that, \u201cI\u2019m the only one that struggles with this.\u201d As parents, we have to be careful that we don\u2019t communicate, \u201cSon, you\u2019re struggling with this; but I\u201d\u2014either \u201cnever did,\u201d or \u201cstill don\u2019t,\u201d\u2014because the reality is most men\u2014probably all\u2014have struggled with it on some level. They need to know that: \u201cYes; this is something common. It doesn\u2019t mean it\u2019s right, but it\u2019s common.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me jump ahead. We\u2019ve been talking about pre-adolescence and adolescence; but as pastor, you\u2019re talking to single guys and married guys who find themselves surprised that this is still a challenge for them; because they all thought, \u201cOnce I get married, this will all be cured for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are four questions that you address\u2014that I thought were really helpful when you sit down with a guy\u2014four crucial questions, and they are: \u201cDo you want to experience purity?\u201d \u201cIs it possible to experience purity?\u201d \u201cWhat do we think God thinks of us?\u201d \u201cIf it\u2019s possible, how in the world do we do this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Starting with the question, \u201cDo you want to experience purity?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a good starting point; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; that\u2019s a crucial question; because we can know the right things, and we can know the church answer\u2014and we can know all that stuff\u2014but if there\u2019s no \u201cwant to,\u201d it\u2019s not going to succeed very long. We all know stories of people, who have gotten caught, and they have their act together; but deep down, they haven\u2019t really changed that. They end up sliding back into the old lifestyle. And there\u2019s nothing you can do, really, to build that \u201cwant to\u201d into somebody other than modeling and showing them it\u2019s worth it. That has to come from the heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, most guys want to be pure the day after they were impure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know what I mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, they wake up the next morning with guilt or with shame; and they go, \u201cOkay; I don\u2019t want to ever do that again,\u201d but late at night\u2014when that temptation overtakes them and they don\u2019t resist\u2014in that moment, what they\u2019re saying is, \u201cI want this more than I want purity.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you deal with <em>that<\/em> battle when it\u2019s happening at 11 o\u2019 clock at night, when the house is quiet and you\u2019re thinking, \u201cI could click here, and nobody\u2019s going to notice anything\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>It\u2019s not going to be a \u201cone statement fixes all\u201d thing; it\u2019s something you have to start building into the hearts and just changing the way we <em>think<\/em>. Oftentimes, you have that initial guilt; because you know you did something wrong; but there\u2019s not that heartfelt guilt, like David when he finally realized, \u201cI\u2019ve sinned against God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>You know, that level\u2014it\u2019s not really <em>there<\/em>, other than just, you know, in the words. Part of it begins with understanding who God is, and understanding the provisions we have, and building in \u201cWhat am I working towards?\u201d It\u2019s not just, \u201cI\u2019m not going to go to this website,\u201d but I\u2019m building towards something more positive in my life; and it starts there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, on top of that\u2014this is getting\u2014when we get a little farther down, dealing with: \u201cWhat do you do to deal with failures?\u201d\u2014realizing it\u2019s not a one-time-fixes-all for life. I love the seemingly contradiction of 1 John, where he says: \u201cI write these things so you don\u2019t sin. But when you do\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>You know, realizing slips aren\u2019t good; but they\u2019re normal. It\u2019s a slow process of changing the perspective on God; changing the perspective of himself\u2014but building into it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I don\u2019t want to move to the solution too quickly;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014but on the other hand, I know we\u2019re talking to guys, right now, who\u2014they don\u2019t need to be convinced\u2014whether they\u2019re single or married\u2014of the problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>As you\u2019ve talked to men\u2014and you\u2019ve practically put some steps to get out of the trap before them\u2014where do you start?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>I start with letting them know that it\u2019s possible; because we often start with that thinking of: \u201cThis is just too big,\u201d \u201cThis sexual sin is too big,\u201d \u201cI can\u2019t help myself,\u201d \u201cThe temptation\u2019s too strong\u2026\u201d\u2014so it starts with that idea of \u201cIt\u2019s possible to get out of this.\u201d Then, the next step is \u201cLet\u2019s build a healthier view of God\u201d; because I\u2019m convinced that, as we have a healthier view of God, then we have a healthier view of what we\u2019re dealing with and how to move forward with it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, I think that\u2019s so foundational to what we\u2019re talking about here; because I think most guys, when they are tempted or when they fall and feel guilt, they feel shame for their reputation; they feel shame for \u201cI\u2019d be embarrassed if anybody found out\u201d; but most of us don\u2019t think, \u201cI\u2019ve just sinned against God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Until we recognize that this is not just something that we\u2019re free to choose or not choose, but this is a decision to rebel against God\u2014His design and His purpose for our lives\u2014until we get to that point, we have not fully appreciated the sobriety of the decision we make when we say, \u201cI\u2019m going to go ahead and click and look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; I think, when we don\u2019t have a high enough view of God, that lowers our expectations, obviously, of what God is like; but it also raises our acceptance of sin, because we don\u2019t see it as all that significant. You know, we see it as something more like, \u201cOh, I went 75 [mph] in a 70 [zone]\u201d\u2014versus, you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019ve committed capital murder.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You love to teach Bible study methods.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes; I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That would be a route for a man to become intimately acquainted with who God is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where should he go and where should he start in the study of Scripture?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, there are two places. One is\u2014I love to tell the story of Isaiah, in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tChapter 6, where he has this incredible experience. I encourage guys: \u201cTake your time. Read this and try to picture this\u201d; because you can read it in just a few seconds. You know, he sees the angels\u2014he hears them crying out, \u201cHoly, holy, holy.\u201d You know, you have the smoke, and the trembling, and all the sensations. The fascinating thing, to me, is Isaiah\u2014without ever being told anything\u2014responds \u201cWoe is me!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>It\u2019s not because anybody told him: \u201cThere\u2019s something wrong with you\u201d; it\u2019s because he saw the greatness of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And when he says, \u201cWoe is me,\u201d he\u2019s not saying, \u201cI\u2019m having a bad day.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWoe is me\u201d\u2014explain what \u201cwoe is me\u201d means.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Well, the idea is, essentially, \u201cI\u2019m cursed; I\u2019m without hope.\u201d As a result of that, the angels bring the coals to him as an act of grace, because he realizes: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cThere\u2019s absolutely <em>nothing<\/em> I can do to fix this. I\u2019m just broken; and apart from God, there\u2019s nothing I can do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that is a very\u2014that\u2019s an easy place to start. Then I also encourage guys\u2014I just do this as a general principle for a lot of people struggling in life\u2014is read through the Psalms slowly, and highlight things that you see about what it says about God, and then periodically summarize those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a seminary professor that assigned that as a class assignment\u2014we had to go through all 150. You wouldn\u2019t necessarily tell somebody, \u201cGo through all 150 Psalms\u201d; but start there, because that is a very succinct place that\u2014over, and over, and over again\u2014talks about who God is and in so many different ways. You\u2019ll see His holiness, His faithfulness, His love, grace\u2014all those different attributes of God. It\u2019s in bite-size pieces that you can say: \u201cHere\u2019s some place\u2014let\u2019s start here\u2014we can talk about a Psalm and see what you learn about what God is like.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like your answer. You know, a lot of times, we throw this out to men, \u201cGet to know God better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The average guy goes, \u201cI\u2019m not a seminary graduate\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cHow do I do that?\u201d\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cHow do I accomplish that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like where you pointed them. I will also point them\u2014not only to your book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>\u2014but I wrote a little book, where I talked about seven non-negotiables. I just was thinking about it as you were talking about getting to know God. I begin with three of the seven, where I talk about \u201cSeeking God, Not Sin.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Roger: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Second one is: \u201cFear God, Not Men\u201d; and third: \u201cLove God, Not the World.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, you start thinking about sexual sin. Seeking God, when sin\u2019s out to get you, will help you have a different destination that you\u2019re looking for in getting to know God. Seek Him\u2014get to know Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFear God: I think that\u2019s one of the reasons why sin has so little consequences [in our minds]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t realize how great and how fearful God really is and that we are accountable to Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally\u2014Love God: That\u2019s in response to His love for us\u2014you touched on it. The gospel of Jesus Christ is God stepping out of heaven and loving us so much He\u2019s turned us around\u2014back to face Him and experience that love and, then, begin to reflect that love, back to Him, every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and I think, at the core of what we\u2019ve been talking about here, is: \u201cIf you see pornography\/sexual sin\u2014if you see these as pragmatic issues that need to be addressed or managed in your life, then you\u2019re always going to be in trouble. If you see these as spiritual issues\u2014as issues of rebellion against God\u2014now, you\u2019re at the beginning place of getting these issues addressed.\u201d That\u2019s what\u2019s at the heart of the book that Roger has written, called <em>Stormproof Men: Sexual Purity for Christian Men in a Sex-Saturated World<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have copies of Roger\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can order the book, <em>Stormproof Men<\/em>, by Roger Fankhauser, when you call us at 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, as we talk about this issue, I hope that the guys who are listening today recognize we\u2019re not talking down at you. We\u2019re talking right alongside you on this issue. All of us struggle with all kinds of sin patterns in our lives, and the issue of sexual purity\u2014that\u2019s a big one for men today. But there are issues that guys deal with\u2014other issues that wives and moms deal with as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we try to provide practical biblical help and hope for the issues that husbands and wives and moms and dads are facing in their marriage and as they raise the next generation. Our goal, at FamilyLife, is to effectively develop godly marriages and families; because we believe a godly marriage\/a godly family can change the world, one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so grateful for those of you who are allies with us in this cause. Every time you donate to support this ministry, you make tomorrow\u2019s program possible. You make it possible for us to reach more people, more regularly, on this local radio station, through our app, online, folks who are accessing us by telling their Amazon devices to have Alexa play <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014you can set up that task in your Alexa app on your phone. You make it possible for people, all around the world, to receive practical biblical help and hope when you donate to support this ministry; and we\u2019re grateful for the partnership we have with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you can help with a donation today, we have a resource we\u2019d like to send you that will be <em>great<\/em> to use with your kids, or your grandkids, or any kids you know during the Christmas season. It\u2019s a resource called \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas<sup>\u2122<\/sup>.\u201d It\u2019s twelve kid-friendly Christmas ornaments that are designed to help you teach your kids more about who Jesus is during the Christmas season. There\u2019s a devotional guide that goes along with the ornament; and every time a child hangs an ornament on a tree, you can explore a different name or title of Jesus. It\u2019s a great tool to use during the Christmas season to keep your kids pointed at the real reason for the season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can request \u201cThe Twelve Names of Christmas\u201d when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. You can also request the ornaments when you donate by mail. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how dads can have good conversations with their sons around the issue of sexuality and pornography to help get their sons ready for the world in which we all live today. I hope you can tune in tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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