{"id":300439,"date":"2018-10-31T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-31T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-team-approach\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:37","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:37","slug":"the-team-approach","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-team-approach\/","title":{"rendered":"The Team Approach"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dennis and Barbara Rainey know that parenting is hard work. That&#8217;s why they encourage parents not to try to parent alone, but to be in community with other parents.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-31.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:02","filesize":"29.33M","filesize_raw":"30758325","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[4605,4350,4607,4610,4606,4608,2209,4609],"podcast_series":[7260],"cwp_profile":[3051],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300439","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-art-of-parenting","tag-character","tag-grow-in-your-faith","tag-learn-from-other-parents","tag-modelling-character","tag-modelling-christ","tag-parenting","tag-sharing-christ-with-your-kids","podcast_series-art-of-parenting-what-every-parent-needs","cwp_profile-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300439\/the-team-approach","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300439\/the-team-approach","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"FwXKwppUpj\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-team-approach\/\">The Team Approach<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-team-approach\/embed\/#?secret=FwXKwppUpj\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Team Approach&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"FwXKwppUpj\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dennis and Barbara Rainey know that parenting is hard work. That's why they encourage parents not to try to parent alone, but to be in community with other parents.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As parents, it\u2019s important that you continue to grow in your relationship with the Lord and in your understanding of Scripture, because Barbara Rainey says you never know when your kids are going to ask you a question that\u2019s a stumper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I\u2019ll never forget\u2014my grandson said to our daughter\u2014he said, \u201cMom, why do I need to tell God what I did when He already knows?\u201d Those are the kinds of things that parents run into. You\u2019ve got to teach your children\u2014what it means to forgive; why you need to confess your sin to God\u2014because kids are smart, and they\u2019re going to start thinking about that stuff. They\u2019re going to press you on it. You have to know why you\u2019re going where you\u2019re going with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, October 31<sup>st<\/sup>.Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. As parents, we don\u2019t have to have <em>all<\/em> the answers to the questions our kids ask us; but we need to know where to find the answers. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve been spending time this week talking about: \u201cWhat\u2019s at the heart of parenting?\u201d\u2014what parents need to be thinking about and processing, together, as they raise their children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking back to when you first started working through what the Bible has to say about parenting\u2014this was more that a quarter of a century ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Gosh, that\u2019s sounds forever.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know. It does; doesn\u2019t it? [Laughter] Right in the middle of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think it is forever. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in the middle of raising your kids, you took an extended season of time and dug into the Scriptures, and talked to a lot of pastors, and Bible teachers, theology professors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014men and women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got a lot of input. What is in your book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, is a lot of the fruit that came from those conversations, back years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing I love about that is the fact that it\u2019s still as relevant today as it was then, because we\u2019re talking about things that are eternal\u2014not things that are temporal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This was created in 1990 and \u201891, prior to radio. Because once radio started\u2014it\u2019s daily\u2014I wasn\u2019t able to get the time away to be able to do the fresh thinking that I took over a 12-18-month period. But I looked to see if I could condense down: \u201cWhat\u2019s the essence of parenting? What does God want us to do?\u201d\u2014and I found four things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think He wants us to teach <em>relationships<\/em> to our children\u2014how to relate to God \/ how to relate to another sinful, selfish human being. We\u2019re preparing our children, someday, probably for marriage. But our kids need to know how to love God and love one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, we are establishing and building their <em>character<\/em>. We\u2019re <em>shaping<\/em> a child, who\u2019s wise and not a fool\u2014who knows what\u2019s right and what\u2019s wrong\u2014how to choose one and not the other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00 <\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCharacter development is something that God works, over time, in our lives to create. The Bible is full of all kinds of illustrations of this. In fact, I think we take a whole chapter in the book, talking about how God develops character in us. I think we could take a page out of \u201cHow God Does That\u201d and apply that to us, as parents; and we do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird is the issue of <em>identity<\/em>. Keep in mind this was developed in 1990 and \u201891. We talked about how God created us with a spiritual identity: \u201cWho are we?\u201d \u201cWhat are we to be about?\u201d \u201cDo we have value?\u201d \u201cDo we have purpose?\u201d The answer is: \u201cYes.\u201d Also, <em>sexual identity<\/em>. One of the first descriptions of man\u2014in Genesis, Chapter 1, verses 26-28, was that He identified them as male and female. He says that definition three times in a matter of three verses. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur sexual and spiritual identity, I believe today, are on the line as never before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, the fourth area is <em>mission<\/em>: \u201cWhy are we here?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s our purpose?\u201d These arrows were not designed to stay in the quiver. Children were made to be pulled back on a bow and let go and released to fulfill God\u2019s mission for their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your wife Barbara is joining us this week as we talk about what parents need to keep in mind as we raise the next generation. Barbara, we\u2019ve talked about the big picture\u2014having the end in mind as you raise your kids. But parents need to also have kind of a working strategic plan for what they\u2019re doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In fact, this is really the heart of you book. You help parents come up with a short-term strategic plan that needs to be reviewed and updated throughout the parenting years so that you\u2019re always thinking: \u201cIn the next 12 months, what are the priorities?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIn the next 24 months, what are the priorities?\u201d Then come back\u2014revisit that\/readdress that\u2014so that you\u2019re being <em>intentional<\/em> as you raise your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; and that\u2019s a big word for us. Dennis and I have always wanted to be very intentional with our kids, and with our marriage, and with our lives; because we think that is what God has called us to do. He hasn\u2019t called us just to exist and have fun. He has created us that we would glorify Him, and that we would raise godly children, and that we would have a marriage that would honor Him. That takes intentionality; it isn\u2019t going to happen accidently. It\u2019s not going to happen just by doing life. You have to make decisions that cause that to happen. As we talk about parenting, you <em>have<\/em> to begin with the end in mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn our book, we write and try to create a vision\u2014try to help parents see the big picture\u2014help them see the wonderful calling it is to be a parent, because it\u2019s so easy to get caught up in the messiness of being a parent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are constantly casting that vision; but we\u2019re also trying to be very practical and help\u2014you know: \u201cHow to make decisions,\u201d \u201cHow to work together as a team,\u201d \u201cHow to be intentional,\u201d \u201cHow to have the right values govern your everyday life, as a mom and a dad,\u201d\u2014so it\u2019s both, together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the way we did that was on a date night. We\u2019d get out on a date; and initially\u2014I\u2019ve got to admit\u2014I was kind of looking for some romantic date nights, [Laughter] where we just had a fun time; because we had six kids in ten years. Ultimately, those date nights became the Vice-president and President hiding away from the kids [Laugher] on a date in a restaurant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> They were strategy sessions on how to survive the next week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They were! [Laugher] We would look at the calendar\u2014we would look at where we were going. We would review our road map: \u201cWhere are we taking them?\u201d \u201cWhat does this child need?\u201d \u201cWhat does that child need us to especially work on in his or her life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> And sometimes, our dinners were preoccupied by one child that was especially needy at that particular time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t always go over all of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No, no; sometimes, there was no room for romance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Oh, most of the time. [Laugher]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; most of the time. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Bob, here\u2019s the thing\u2014we would use those times to pull back to the big picture and get a clearer road map, going forward, and just say: \u201cWhat are we doing here? We don\u2019t want to be held hostage by comparing ourselves with other families that may be too busy\u2014that don\u2019t have the same stuff going on that we have.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe tried to say: \u201cLord, here\u2019s what You called us to do to make an impact in other people\u2019s marriages and families. Help us to not lose our own marriage in the midst of this, but also raise effective children in the process.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anybody, who\u2019s in the business world, understands a couple of things: First of all, there are some things that are urgent, and there are some things that are important. We usually focus on the urgent and ignore the important\u2014and that\u2019s not good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, you understand that, unless you take some time to develop strategic priorities, you can get caught up in the day to day but never be thinking about: \u201cWhat are our goals or our aspirations?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve mapped out in your book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, a way for parents to do some concrete, short-term, strategic planning\u2014to get away from the urgent for a little bit and focus on the important. There are seasons, where the urgent is going to dominate\u2014I get that; right?\u2014the house is on fire\u2014you don\u2019t think, \u201cWhere do we want to go on vacation next summer?\u201d But get away from the urgent for a few minutes and look at the bigger picture\u2014the important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen parents do that, it\u2019s a fundamental shift in their parenting; and all of a sudden, now, they\u2019re parenting with a level of intentionality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Here\u2019s where our book and the video series, <em>The Art of Parenting\u2122<\/em>, spells out and takes people through a process where they reduce in writing on a sheet of paper that is called \u201cYour Child\u2019s Arrow.\u201d It\u2019s actually a picture of an arrow, where you fill out each of the four areas I mentioned at the beginning of this broadcast\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014relationships, character, identity, and mission\u2014you look at those. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting\u2014Barbara and I would move from child to child and look at where they needed to be developed. From time to time, every one of them had something of those four things that they needed us to either anticipate an issue that was coming down the pike, or where we needed to give them a little more focused attention to be successful in one of those four areas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> It seems to me, as I look back on that, that we most often talked about character and relationship issues; because those are the ones that seem to be the ones that we run into, day in and day out, in raising a family. We would talk about: \u201cWhat are we going to do about lying?\u201d We would talk about: \u201cWhat are we going to do about hitting siblings?\u201d or \u201c\u2026not respecting your sister\u2019s closet?\u201d\u2014you know: \u201cYou can\u2019t just go in and take stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou\u2019ve got to ask.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were all of these character\/behavioral kinds of things that we were instilling values in. Then, the relationship side we talked about all the time, too; because we had sibling rivalry every day\u2014thousands of times, it felt like, every day. We were teaching over, and over, and over again about being kind; about how to ask for forgiveness; how to say you are sorry \/ \u201cWill you forgive me?\u201d; how to pray and ask God to forgive you, and why you wanted to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget\u2014my grandson said to our daughter\u2014he said, \u201cMom, why do I need to tell God what I did when He already knows?\u201d Those are the kinds of things that parents run into. You\u2019ve got to teach your children\u2014what it means to forgive; why you need to confess your sin to God\u2014because kids are smart, and they\u2019re going to start thinking about that stuff. They\u2019re going to press you on it. You have to know why you\u2019re going where you\u2019re going in all four of these areas with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When your kids hit pre-adolescence and then adolescence, that\u2019s where the identity piece starts to really emerge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> During toddlerhood and elementary years, you\u2019re probably not focused a whole lot on identity. Of course, in these days, it\u2019s happening younger and younger with these kids as they start to say: \u201cOkay; who am I? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cWhat did God make me to be? What am I good at? Will I ever be popular? What\u2019s my life all about?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is more subtle than some of the character and relationship issues we deal with\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014but parents can\u2019t just tune this out and think it\u2019s going to happen; right?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> No; and I think probably, in this culture, you need to be more intentional and more aggressive even than we were; because, you know, your kids are hearing it. If you don\u2019t know your kids are hearing it, we want to tell you: \u201cYour kids<em> are <\/em>hearing it. They\u2019re aware of it. They may hear somebody say something at school or even at church.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about gender identity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking about gender identity issues; yes. I think you have got to be\u2014parents have to be proactive today, even at younger ages, because of what children are being exposed to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even beyond the gender-identity question, which is huge, every junior high kid is figuring out: \u201cAm I one of the popular kids?\u201d \u201cAm I a jock?\u201d \u201cAm I part of the theater group?\u201d \u201cAm I a <em>nerd<\/em>?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They\u2019re coming up with a self-assessment, saying, \u201cWhere do I fit into the pack here?\u201d Those can be challenging years for an adolescent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They can. I think the adolescent years are where the character begins to emerge and where you\u2019re still not done with discipline of your children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are a couple other things that you think are vital for moms and dads if they are going to be effective, as parents\u2014one is that they not try to go this alone, just the two of them. They need to be in community with other parents. This is essential; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is <em>absolutely<\/em> essential. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think, especially, today with the issues coming at young people, as never before, it takes a village.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I\u2019ve shared this before\u2014you guys have heard me say this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but we were part of a small group with other parents with kids the same age as our kids. I remember many a Sunday night when we were headed over to our small group, leaving the house and just going, \u201cOkay; they\u2019re all going to jail pretty soon,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014you know\u2014\u201cbecause they\u2019re all just messing up.\u201d\u00a0 We would get to small group and, somehow, in the conversation that night, we\u2019d learn that everybody else\u2019s kids were acting out too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019d drive home going, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re not <em>alone<\/em> in this.\u201d It just gave us a such a sense of relief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to give the shout-out to a principal, who\u2019s just a couple of miles up the road from FamilyLife\u2019s headquarters\u2014one of the top schools in America. It\u2019s called Little Rock Christian Academy. Dr. Gary Arnold courageously stepped up and he said: \u201cYou know what we\u2019re going to do? We\u2019re going to require every sixth grader to go through <em>Passport to Purity<\/em>\u2122 with their parents.\u201d I thought\u2014when Gary told me that, I thought: \u201cThis is the best kind of peer pressure\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014 \u201cto have 140 sixth-graders\u2014with their mom \/ with their dad\u2014go through this Friday night-Saturday experience by themselves with their parent. But then, come back to school and begin to talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a whole class of kids\u2014they\u2019re [now] seniors in high school\u2014so they\u2019ve got other eyes, who know what the content was in that <em>Passport to Purity<\/em> weekend\u2014the entire class having been through it. I think it\u2019s the best kind of peer pressure that\u2019s available today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Another thing that we did\u2014that I think was really helpful for our kids and for us\u2014is we knew a lot of people\u2014still do\u2014who are great faith heroes \/ people who walk with God. When we had the opportunity to bring them over to our house for dinner, we would get the kids around. We\u2019d all sit at the table; and we would just hand it over to our friends and we say, \u201cTell our kids the story about what happened when you went to Africa,\u201d \u201cTell our kids the story about\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever\u2014because I wanted our children to hear that faith was real and authentic for people other than Mom and Dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause it\u2019s real easy for kids to think: \u201cAw, it\u2019s just Mom and Dad,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re old, and they\u2019re archaic,\u201d\u2014and whatever. If they can hear someone else being in love with Christ, and being excited about walking with Him, then they might go: \u201cOh, maybe Mom and Dad aren\u2019t so dumb after all. Maybe they\u2019re on to something.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was something that we did. It\u2019s an idea that I think a lot of other families can incorporate, just with people who are in your church. There are heroes of the faith in your churches that you can bring over and say, \u201cTell a story to my kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s one other essential for effective parenting. This is one of those things that we could say it\u2014and people would go, \u201cYes, yes; that\u2019s one of those \u2018Put it on the list, so you can check it off.\u2019\u201d But you guys really feel this is not a clich\u00e9\u2014this is a vital part of parenting.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This is how you do it\u2014Proverbs 24: 3 and 4 says: \u201cBy wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBy knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.\u201d How do you get the wisdom to build a house?\u2014you cry out to God and you say: \u201cHelp! Help! We don\u2019t know what we\u2019re doing, God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve prayed the prayer of a helpless parent on so many different occasions, because we were brought to our knees around issues we didn\u2019t know how to answer\/address\u2014\u2014didn\u2019t know how to tackle. We would pray for the kids; we would pray with our kids. We would pray we\u2019d catch our kids doing what\u2019s right and we would catch them doing wrong\u2014all for the purpose of shaping their lives to reflect what God wants to do in their souls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We put together a prayer challenge for parents not long ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was as kids were heading back to school; but honestly, this is something you can do at any point in time.We were sending out prayer prompts every day, where a mom or dad would get an email that says: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHere\u2019s what you can pray for your kids today\u2026\u201d\u2014a 30-day practice\u2014just to try to jumpstart this discipline in the life of parents so that you get into a rhythm of regularly praying for your kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, for a lot of parents, it can feel like: \u201cOkay; I did that. I can check it off the list. Did anything really just happen there?\u201d This is where we got to, by faith, go: \u201cThere\u2019s a God, who\u2019s listening, who\u2019s called us to pray \/ who wants us to pray. This will be good for us and good for our kids.\u201d God hears those prayers and responds to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes; and t\u2019s important that we pray with our kids, and in front of our kids, and for them; so that they see it modeled. They don\u2019t just hear that we do it; but it\u2019s something that they participate in, as they\u2019re growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we were writing the book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, one of the things I wanted to do was get our children\u2014who are all grown now\u2014I wanted to get their voices in the book; I wanted to get some of their experience in the book, because all of them are married and all of them have kids now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wanted them to kind of say: \u201cWhat have you learned?\u201d \u201cWhat are you using that you learned?\u201d \u201cWhat are you changing that you thought we did terrible, and you\u2019re doing it differently?\u201d I wanted their voices to be heard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe asked our kids to write some stories. One of the ones that came in first\u2014that we still, to this day, delight in\u2014is the story of Dennis praying with the kids when he would drive them to school in the morning. He didn\u2019t do it every day, but he did it enough that this one child\u2014our daughter\u2014remembers him praying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s so fun about it is that, when we would do this\u2014when we would pray with our kids in the morning before school \/ when we would pray with them at night\u2014so often, they would give us this, \u201cOh, do we have to?\u201d kind of a thing. As parents, you think: \u201cMy gosh; is this making any difference? Am I getting anywhere?\u201d You just so doubt yourself and second-guess yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut our daughter wrote the story of how she remembered Dad taking them to school in the morning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe describes him \u201cOctopus-arm Dad\u201d; because he would have his coffee in one hand, a handful of cereal in the other. Then, he\u2019d be shaving with another hand, [Laughter] and throwing the cereal into his mouth and eating while he was driving all along. The way she described it\u2014it was just this beautiful picture of all the things that were happening in his seat, as he was driving to get to school. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut she said, \u201cI remember he always prayed for us; and he always prayed three things: that God would protect us from evil, and from harm, and from temptation; and he ended all of his prayers with that.\u201d She said, \u201cI remember, at the time, thinking, \u201cYa, ya, ya\u2014whatever.\u201d But she said, \u201cNow, that I\u2019m a mom, when I take my kids to school every day\u201d\u2014they\u2019re in elementary school\u2014\u201cI pray the same words, every day, over my kids; because I know God hears, and I know that\u2019s what He wants me to do with my girls.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was really encouraging to see, as parents; because we do want to quit and give up, because we don\u2019t see results. You\u2019re not going to see results quickly like we would like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not a short-term process. Hang in there; and pray together, as a couple. But pray <em>for<\/em> and <em>with<\/em> you kids; so that they can hear it, and see it, and you can model it for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know your heart for this book and for the video series is that moms and dads will not just read this and go: \u201cThat was a good book. That was helpful.\u201d You want this to be a strategic plan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You want them to begin to implement things in their parenting that are going to have an eternal impact on their children\u2019s lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We know it will impact generations\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because that\u2019s what children are all about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve got copies of your book and the video series in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. I\u2019d encourage our listeners\u2014if you don\u2019t have a copy\u2014or if you know a couple, who have just begun a family \/ maybe some moms and dads, who\u2019ve got three or four kids, and they could use a little help\u2014get a copy of the book, <em>The Art of Parenting,<\/em> and pass it on as a gift to them. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you what\u2014better yet\u2014if there are four or five couples that you know in your neighborhood or in your church, why don\u2019t you invite them over, have a potluck meal, and then watch session one of the<em> Art of Parenting<\/em> small group series, and say, \u201cWould y\u2019all like to come back in a couple of weeks and we\u2019ll go through Session 2?\u201d Take them through all of this content\u2014it would be a <em>great<\/em> outreach\u2014a great way to help equip and train the next generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more about the<em> Art Parenting<\/em> small group series kit when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can order that from us, online; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. I tell you what\u2014you could invite them over\u2014and the kit includes the movie, <em>Like Arrows,<\/em> that was in theaters, back earlier this year. Invite them over for a movie night\u2014watch the movie together, and then ask them if they\u2019d like to go through the content from there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014maybe a little less threatening; huh? Again, all the information is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we think the things we\u2019ve talked about today\u2014these issues are eternally significant. When we talk about marriages and families, we\u2019re not simply talking about how you can all get along better and have a happier family. We recognize there\u2019s more at stake here than just happiness. We\u2019re talking about the eternal trajectory of your life, your spouse\u2019s life, your children\u2019s lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we want to effectively develop <em>godly<\/em> marriages and families\u2014not just <em>happy<\/em> marriages and families\u2014but godly marriages and families. We are so grateful that some you, who are regular listeners, feel as we do\u2014that this kind of conversation is critical. We know that because you have supported us in the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve made today\u2019s program possible, and it\u2019s been listened to today by hundreds of thousands of people. On behalf of those who have benefited from our conversation today: \u201cThank you for your support that has made it possible.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are a long-time listener and you have never become a part of the team that helps FamilyLife Today happen, we\u2019d like you to go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to donate to support this ministry or to become a monthly Legacy Partner. You can donate, online, again, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you do, be sure to ask for the gift we want to make available to you this month. It\u2019s our 2019 calendar, \u201cA Year of Togetherness as a Family.\u201d There are activities and Bible verses to memorize each month\u2014things that you can do to build, and bond, and grow together, as a family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, the calendar is our gift to you when you donate to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We appreciate that support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to hear from a mom, who got a wakeup call one day when her pastor handed her a jar of pennies. Eryn Lynum will be here tomorrow to explain why that was so significant. I hope you can be here as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300439","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300439"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300439"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300439"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300439"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300439"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300439"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300439"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}