{"id":300423,"date":"2018-10-19T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-19T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/talking-about-sex\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:36","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:36","slug":"talking-about-sex","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/talking-about-sex\/","title":{"rendered":"Talking About Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Juli Slattery and Michelle Hill engage in a lively discussion about sexuality. Slattery coaches mothers how to talk to their daughters about sex.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-19.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:20","filesize":"24.11M","filesize_raw":"25278797","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2867,2093],"tags":[4592,4591,4588,2926,4589],"podcast_series":[7257],"cwp_profile":[3388,8858],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300423","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-church-involvement","category-women","tag-honor-god-with-your-body","tag-mothers-and-daughters","tag-sex-and-singles","tag-singles","tag-talk-about-sex","podcast_series-sex-and-the-single-girl","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","cwp_profile-michelle-hill","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300423\/talking-about-sex","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300423\/talking-about-sex","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lPD0JN8zBz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/talking-about-sex\/\">Talking About Sex<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/talking-about-sex\/embed\/#?secret=lPD0JN8zBz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Talking About Sex&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lPD0JN8zBz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a single person is tempted to be sexually immoral, what\u2019s that temptation all about? Juli Slattery says we need to get to the root of that issue if we\u2019re going to help singles be pure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I think we need to ask that question: \u201cWhat does my sexuality represent to me? What is the deeper longing?\u201d Most often, it\u2019s not just a physical desire\u2014it\u2019s the longing to be somebody\u2019s \/ to belong somewhere\u2014to be working toward the future with someone. If we can connect with those deeper longings, then, there are very appropriate, godly ways to pursue those longings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. All of us need help and accountability when it comes to sexual purity. We need to keep in mind there are single men and women in our churches who are struggling in these areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat can we do to help?\u201d\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve got a friend joining us today who is going to be on our 2019 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. I\u2019d forgotten about that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She and her husband are going to be joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Dr. Juli Slattery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s going to be fun having you onboard. Let me tell you something\u2014you have never experienced something like this\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I can\u2019t wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u20143,000 people, all learning about God, marriage, family, relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t sell it up because we\u2019re sold out; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It sold out in less than 30 days! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thirty days! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, they heard Juli Slattery was going to be there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Also joined by Michelle Hill\u2014welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve actually been on the cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have asked you to be with us as we\u2019re having our conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; I got the short end of the straw. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with Juli Slattery. [Laughter] The reason is because\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> No; it\u2019s been a joy and delight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, we haven\u2019t introduced the book that she\u2019s written. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s written a book called <em>Sex and the Single Girl<\/em>, and we\u2019re going to hit three areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are. Michelle, again, we want you to chime in. Michelle is in her 40\u2019s; she\u2019s single\u2014so this is real life for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we want to talk, Juli, about how a mom can raise a daughter for that period of time\u2014when she will be sexually interested and unmarried\u2014how do you get her ready for that season? Secondly, how do you help somebody, who is in that season for a prolonged season, thrive in the midst of that? Then, third, what do you do if you\u2019ve crossed the line and, maybe, that\u2019s been a pattern for a long period of time?\u2014and that crossing the line can look like all kinds of things for a young woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s start with moms and daughters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And before we start there\u2014Keith, I want you to turn a timer on. Just break the broadcast down into three segments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You want these equal segments? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do! I want to make sure we cover all three of these because I want to hear what Juli says. I know, if I want to hear, I\u2019ll guarantee you there are a lot of listeners who want to hear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so you\u2019re on the clock, Juli. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Alright. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Alright? Here we go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I\u2019ll talk fast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, mothers and daughters\u2014there is going to be a time in most girls\u2019 lives when they are sexually interested and sexually aware. They are single, and they know what the Bible says; but this is hard, and their friends are saying: \u201cCome on! What\u2019s the big deal?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Okay; so I think the first part of that is to normalize it, because we don\u2019t typically talk about sexual longings. You know, you shared, Michelle, your experience of just hearing: \u201cDon\u2019t do it. Don\u2019t be sexual. Don\u2019t have sex,\u201d and that was pretty much it; but I think normalizing conversations around the fact that we have longings that are not met in the present time and, in some respects, not met completely here on earth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for mom, again, to have the conversation that\u2019s more of a discipleship model of sharing when she was single\u2014even sharing the fact that marriage is part of why God has designed your sexuality, to draw you into and to want a covenant relationship with someone\u2014but ultimately, that relationship is meant to be with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur sexuality constantly reminds us that we were not created to be alone. So, when we <em>feel<\/em> those longings, we have to remember that those longings have a purpose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a mom approaches sexuality from that perspective\u2014and also invites her daughter to be open about when she\u2019s struggling: \u201cIt\u2019s okay to struggle. It\u2019s normal to struggle. Let\u2019s talk about it. Let\u2019s pray about it. Let\u2019s get you some support and help through this,\u201d\u2014it sets a completely different atmosphere than the approach of: \u201cThis is an awkward topic. I don\u2019t really want to know what you\u2019re struggling with, because I\u2019m not sure I know how to handle it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s a different environment that allows a young woman, again, to be discipled through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just say, quickly, a mom may try to have that kind of conversation with her daughter, and her daughter feels uncomfortable; and that should not be a signal for a mom then to retreat and say, \u201cWell, she doesn\u2019t want to talk about it.\u201d It just means that your daughter\u2014\u201cThis feels a little uncomfortable,\u201d\u2014but you can gently continue to nudge and open the door. Your daughter will come around; won\u2019t she? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. I mean, when I was first called to talk on this topic of sexuality, many years ago, I was so nervous; and it was so awkward. I didn\u2019t know how to say the words out loud; but the more God has called me to study this and to integrate it into my own life and to teach it, the more comfortable and normal this becomes. That\u2019s true, not just in a ministry context, but in a relationship and parenting context. The more we push through that awkwardness and really reclaim this conversation as part of God\u2019s design, the less uncomfortable we are; and our kids pick up on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, we do not understand the mystery that surrounds our sexuality; but God did make us sexual beings, so I just want to put a double-underline about what you said, Juli. Push through the fear \/ the shame of your own past\u2014whatever grips your heart of being terrified about talking about some of these subjects\u2014and have the conversation, because young ladies are facing this stuff with both the opposite sex and same sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are desperate to have somebody invade their world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What would it have done for you, as a young lady, Michelle? You mentioned earlier that you grew up in a home where it just wasn\u2019t talked about. What do you think it might have meant to you if those conversations had been normalized? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think, at first, it would have taken my mom to have to continue pressing on and pressing into me; but if they had been normalized, I think I would have had a different worldview as I grew up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting\u2014I have a friend who took her young girl through <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> not too long ago. She said, \u201cI can\u2019t share with her my past.\u201d I said: \u201cShare with her what is age-appropriate, because then you are helping to be transparent. You\u2019re showing to <em>her<\/em> what it is to be vulnerable. Then, <em>she<\/em> can do the same with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Juli, what about the past? Do moms need to enter into that? How about dads too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; I think absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou used the phrase, age-appropriate, which is <em>key<\/em>. You don\u2019t want to share with your children something that you haven\u2019t, yourself, processed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, when you\u2019re sharing something for the first time, you overshare; and you don\u2019t want to do that with your kids. But here is the key\u2014is talking about sexual sins\/struggles is actually, I think, perhaps, the most powerful way to teach our kids about the gospel of Jesus Christ; because, when we sin, sexually\u2014you know, Scripture even says every other sin is outside the body, but this is against your own body. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is something <em>very profound<\/em> that happens in our sexual sin; and when we understand that Jesus died to forgive us and completely free us from that, we understand the gospel at a different level. If our kids can see that in our lives and begin to integrate that into their own walk with God, it\u2019s so much more powerful than just the message: \u201cThe goal is to stay pure.\u201d You know, the goal is to have an encounter with the Lord Jesus Christ wherever we find ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; the timer is going off, so we\u2019ve got to move to topic number two, which is strategies for coping, as a single young woman, who has sexual desire and you\u2019re single. What\u2019s your best advice to somebody like Michelle? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, Michelle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, help me. Help me, please! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I want to hear what has worked for you\u2014[Laughter]\u2014what you\u2019ve done that\u2019s helped you stay focused on it. Maybe, we start with you\u2014do you want to start and tell us what your strategies have been? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Juli is nodding her head for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; I know. She\u2019s trying to encourage me on. Strategies\u2014well, I\u2019m just going to throw out the good, Christian answer\u2014that\u2019s \u201cJesus.\u201d I mean, seriously, that has to be your number-one strategy\u2014the focus of each day, every second of each day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, also, my love language is touch. This has been a struggle for me because, in our society, a single girl just doesn\u2019t walk up to anybody or any guy and give them a hug or even linger in a hug or touch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven to my friends\u2014that\u2019s not something that I do. I can do that with little kids, but I don\u2019t have a lot of little kids around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019ve done is\u2014I\u2019ve started volunteering with hospice. I have been assigned to a nursing home. I tell people: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any man around me to give me hugs; so I go to hospice, and I hold hands.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow. That\u2019s beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It hasn\u2019t fulfilled me in what I really long and desire, but God has used that in amazing ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re thinking outside yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Trying to. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; Juli? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> First of all, I just want to commend you for, particularly, what you shared about your strategy\u2014understanding that your love language is physical touch. I think what\u2019s so key is meaningful physical touch. It\u2019s not enough just for someone to randomly come up and give you a hug; but what you are doing, when you\u2019re ministering to those in hospice or in a nursing home, is you\u2019re giving life through touch\u2014that\u2019s what we long for\u2014it\u2019s not just a handshake. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is like: \u201cI want to express love in some way with the body God has given me.\u201d There are all kinds of appropriate ways to do that. You mentioned children\u2014children need so much touch, and they don\u2019t have the same taboos we have around giving somebody a hug\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u2014you know, just sitting on your lap and cuddling while you\u2019re reading a book. That\u2019s a beautiful way of recognizing, \u201cI need physical contact,\u201d and that\u2019s a healthy way of, not only receiving it, but giving it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, in terms of strategies\u2014I think one of the most important things is getting the bigger picture around our sexuality. Sometimes, we put all of our eggs in this basket of \u201cI need to be sexually active to be fulfilled\/completed.\u201d We don\u2019t recognize that that expression of sexuality is really tapping into so many deeper longings that are significant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you story of a woman that I talked to recently, who has recently come to a relationship with Jesus Christ and has a history of a lot of trauma in her past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and a history of many hook-up relationships\u2014just guy after guy after guy. She\u2019s been a Christian for about a year. She was like: \u201cI can\u2019t stop myself from wanting to have sex with somebody. I walk into work, and that\u2019s the first thing on my mind. Can you help me?\u2014because I don\u2019t know how to stop this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made the statement to her: \u201cI think, when you walk into work and you have that thought, you\u2019re really not looking for sex. What are you looking for?\u201d Immediately, she said: \u201cYou\u2019re right. I just want to belong. I want affection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to ask that question: \u201cWhat does my sexuality represent to me? What is the <em>deeper<\/em> longing?\u201d Most often, it\u2019s not just a physical desire\u2014it\u2019s the longing to be somebody\u2019s \/ to belong somewhere\u2014to be working toward the future with someone. If we can connect with those deeper longings, then there are very appropriate, godly ways to pursue those longings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and one of the things I would add to our list here of strategies is a best friend\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a long-term, lifelong friend. David had his Jonathan. He actually said that his love was better than that of a woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t a homosexual relationship, but I think one of the most powerful ways that the Christian community ought to be good at setting single women up with would be to have a friendship with someone you could trust, from a mature standpoint. Now, again, it has to be one that\u2019s proven over time. You also have to know that you\u2019ll have a number of friendships that won\u2019t go the distance\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and won\u2019t be that true kindred-spirit friendship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I just want to say here, I\u2019ve got a friend of mine who has been through Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the things he shared with me about his battle for desire\u2014because that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here\u2014he said, \u201cI was told\u201d\u2014and you\u2019ve probably heard this about the H.A.L.T. acronym. He said, \u201cYou are most susceptible to want to drink when you\u2019re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichelle, I\u2019m guessing that these sexual feelings\u2014and you\u2019re wanting to act on them\u2014are harder to deal with when you\u2019re hungry, or angry, or lonely, or tired. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes; or when life is feeling like: \u201cI\u2019m in despair,\u201d \/ \u201cI\u2019m discouraged.\u201d It is like, \u201cOkay; how do I stop?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was going to ask Juli\u2014we have a lot\u2014a growing number of Christian young gals who are into pornography. Help us understand what <em>they<\/em> can put into their place as, not as a road block, but as a strategy to keep from going down that road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Again, we\u2019ve got to ask the deeper question. You know, I think there are strategies that you set up to play defense\u2014you know, like having an accountability partner, having software on your phone or computer, maybe not having a smartphone. Those are <em>wise<\/em> defensive strategies; but what we\u2019re not doing is saying, \u201cWhat\u2019s the offensive strategy?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because we get involved in hookups, and pornography, and other forms of destructive behaviors, not randomly; they come from somewhere. We\u2019re doing more research on why men and women are getting pulled into these things. For example, you are much more likely to be involved in pornography if you feel that your life does not have a purpose \/ if it feels meaningless. You\u2019re much more likely to be involved in pornography if you have experienced sexual trauma as a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think some of it is we are not asking the deeper question of: \u201cWhat is the wound that is drawing me to this? What is the need that Satan is telling me I can get met this way?\u201d Again, when we use the discipleship framework to this, it\u2019s forcing us to ask those deeper questions of ourselves and other people so that we can pursue\u2014not just \u201cLet me stop this behavior,\u201d\u2014but \u201cLet me address the need that this behavior is seeking fulfillment in.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; we\u2019ve got to move on to the third area, because we\u2019re out of time here for area number two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird area is\u2014and you touched on this. You used an example of somebody who, before she was a Christian\u2014very sexually active. There are a lot of girls, who grew up in the church\u2014and for whatever reason, they become sexually involved\u2014there is rape; there is sexual violence that\u2019s been done against women. When this is a part of your past, how do you process that, and how do you try to pursue purity in your life as a single woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> One of the things that I think is really key is\u2014we think about the language that we\u2019re using. When you are talking to a woman, who has experienced things like what you described\u2014to them, purity just doesn\u2019t connect; they feel like: \u201cThat\u2019s gone. I can never have that back.\u201d The word that we use in our ministry is: \u201cHow do you pursue integrity?\u201d because integrity means: \u201cI\u2019m a whole person. I am consistent in my sexuality\u2014related to my walk with the Lord \/ with the person that I want to become\u2014instead of feeling like I\u2019m split off.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you talk to Christian women\u2014who have experienced pornography, sexual abuse, hookups\u2014they feel split off\u2014like, \u201cThere\u2019s a part of me that loves God; and then, there is this ugly part of me I don\u2019t know what to do with.\u201d The goal is: \u201cHow do I become a woman of integrity?\u201d Integrity means that I see myself the same way that God sees me\u2014that I trust His Word in my healing \/ in my redemption and that, from this day forward, I want to move forward towards God\u2019s view of my sexuality and how to steward that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s a big part. A big piece of taking that step toward integrity is being honest about: what we\u2019re feeling; what\u2019s happened to us; and maybe even, now, what I\u2019m still struggling with. I feel like there are <em>so many<\/em> Christian women, who think: \u201cThere is not a safe place for me to be honest, so I have to keep pretending that I have it all together\u2014that I\u2019m not struggling with shame, and guilt, and temptation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014instead of just raising your hand and saying, \u201cHelp, because I\u2019m drowning.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the names of the devil is the Accuser\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of the brethren. I think he has a heyday with single women; because they get isolated, emotionally\/relationally, and then their past is thrown up at them. Maybe, they cohabited for a period of time; maybe, they just had a series of one-night stands\u2014but the enemy does a great job of <em>reminding<\/em> of failures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; he sure does. You used the word\u2014like he isolates us\u2014and he makes you believe that you\u2019re the only one struggling with this: \u201cYou\u2019re the only one that\u2019s had an abortion,\u201d \/ \u201cYou\u2019re the only one that is attracted to the same sex,\u201d and \u201cIf you were to speak this out loud, everybody would reject you; God would reject you,\u201d\u2014so that keeps women quiet. The enemy\u2019s stronghold just gets more <em>powerful<\/em> in that darkness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we step out\u2014and we speak the truth of what\u2019s happening to us, and we ask the body of Christ to begin ministering to those wounds, and to begin telling us truth about what Scripture says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s when we start healing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shame is something that is deep in us. I have told people\u2014and I think this is true\u2014when you bring your shame into the light, a lot of the power of that shame is <em>drained<\/em> when the light comes on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The longer you keep it hidden away and say, \u201cNobody can know this about me,\u201d it has more power over you than if you come forward and say: \u201cI just have to confess something. This is what is true\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what I\u2019ve experienced\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what I\u2019ve been through\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what I\u2019m dealing with\u2026\u201d It\u2019s almost like that starts to break the spell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a guy come to me at work\u2014he closed my office door and he said, \u201cI am finding myself attracted to a married woman here in the office.\u201d This is at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He said, \u201cI just needed to tell somebody, because it\u2019s tearing me up; and I don\u2019t know what to do with it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cMy relationship with my wife is fine, but I just find myself being attracted to this woman.\u201d We prayed together\u2014I said, \u201cI\u2019ll keep in touch with you.\u201d A couple days later, I went back and said, \u201cSo, what\u2019s going on?\u201d He said, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s like, after I came and told you,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit\u2019s like, now, I\u2019m not dealing with it anymore.\u201d I think we\u2019ve got to recognize that level of transparency\/that vulnerability can be very freeing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> We even see this with God. You know, one of my favorite psalms is Psalm 32\u2014it\u2019s the psalm where David says, \u201cYou are my hiding place\u201d; but before we get to that verse, David talks about how he was hiding <em>from<\/em> God instead of hiding <em>in<\/em> God. He describes God\u2019s presence as actually <em>oppressive<\/em>: \u201cYour hand was heavy upon me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we do that with the Lord. We don\u2019t tell Him the truth about what we are feeling\/what we\u2019re wrestling with; and even going to church or opening your Bible can feel oppressive, like: \u201cGod is judging me. I\u2019m so full of shame.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we step into honesty, God can actually start to <em>become<\/em> our hiding place and our haven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just looking at your book, <em>Sex and the Single Girl<\/em>, and I think a part of the healing process that you\u2019re talking about Juli\u2014and you\u2019ve alluded to Michelle\u2014would be to take your book, which is really broken down like a small group study, where a group of women could study this and could talk about it. It would have to be a safe place. There\u2019d have to be some boundaries established; but I think there could be real healing there if you could find a group of people\u20144\/5, maybe?\u2014and just say, \u201cCould we get real and get honest about what\u2019s happening in the church?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I want that kind of group; I want to go through the book right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019d sign up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I\u2019d sign up! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s encourage women to be able to do this in the church, not somewhere else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And Michelle, I think you could get together with some younger single women in their\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014in their 20\u2019s\u2014college-aged girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you could say, \u201cGirls, let\u2019s go through this together\u201d; and they would learn and benefit from your experience of this. I think God would give blessing back to you as you took them through this kind of content. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re right, Bob; but I would say\u2014just listening to Michelle\u2014she needs a group of peers\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; yes, she does. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014so women over 30. Then, after you go through that group, <em>then<\/em>, you take on the young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Then, I pour into others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014I\u2019ll give you my copy; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because I was not going to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t going to go through it?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No. [Laughter] So, you can have it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob, that\u2019s encouraging to me! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can have my copy of Juli\u2019s book, <em>Sex and the Single Girl<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center; and you can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, this weekend, in Parsippany, New Jersey, we\u2019ve got hundreds of couples who are joining us for one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Please pray for those couples. Next weekend is a big weekend\u2014we\u2019ve got getaways happening in Augusta, Georgia; Coeur d'Alene, Idaho; Dayton, Ohio; Naples, Florida; Louisville, Kentucky; and in Sacramento and San Diego, California\u2014hundreds of couples who are going to be out for one of these weekend getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we just ask that you\u2019d pray for these couples: that God would meet them at the getaway; and those who are coming for a marriage tune-up would find it\u2019s a refreshing weekend; and those who are coming, who are struggling, would find the help and hope they are looking for. That\u2019s what we are committed to, here, at FamilyLife. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for every marriage\/every family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to help your relationships thrive, and grow, and deepen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou make all of this possible when you help support the ministry of FamilyLife. We are a donor-supported ministry. More than 65 percent of the revenue we receive each year comes from donations. It covers the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program so that it can be heard on stations, all around the country and now, all around the world, via the internet. Thank you for your support of this ministry\u2014those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners \/ those of you who give occasionally\u2014we\u2019re <em>always<\/em> grateful to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you are a regular listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, let me invite you to go to our website today\u2014make an online donation\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, the phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. When you donate, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of the FamilyLife 2019 calendar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s all about building togetherness as a family, and it\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you support the ministry today. So, again, donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk about what a man can do to be a legacy-minded man. Joe Pellegrino is going to be here for that, and I hope you can be with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:20"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.11M"],"filesize_raw":["25278797"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300423.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300423.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Slattery and Michelle Hill engage in a lively discussion about sexuality. Slattery coaches mothers how to talk to their daughters about sex.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a single person is tempted to be sexually immoral, what\u2019s that temptation all about? Juli Slattery says we need to get to the root of that issue if we\u2019re going to help singles be pure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I think we need to ask that question: \u201cWhat does my sexuality represent to me? What is the deeper longing?\u201d Most often, it\u2019s not just a physical desire\u2014it\u2019s the longing to be somebody\u2019s \/ to belong somewhere\u2014to be working toward the future with someone. If we can connect with those deeper longings, then, there are very appropriate, godly ways to pursue those longings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 19<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. All of us need help and accountability when it comes to sexual purity. We need to keep in mind there are single men and women in our churches who are struggling in these areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat can we do to help?\u201d\u2014we\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve got a friend joining us today who is going to be on our 2019 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. I\u2019d forgotten about that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> She and her husband are going to be joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Dr. Juli Slattery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s going to be fun having you onboard. Let me tell you something\u2014you have never experienced something like this\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I can\u2019t wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u20143,000 people, all learning about God, marriage, family, relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t sell it up because we\u2019re sold out; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It sold out in less than 30 days! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Thirty days! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, they heard Juli Slattery was going to be there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Also joined by Michelle Hill\u2014welcome back to the broadcast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019ve actually been on the cruise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have asked you to be with us as we\u2019re having our conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; I got the short end of the straw. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with Juli Slattery. [Laughter] The reason is because\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> No; it\u2019s been a joy and delight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, we haven\u2019t introduced the book that she\u2019s written. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> She\u2019s written a book called <em>Sex and the Single Girl<\/em>, and we\u2019re going to hit three areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We are. Michelle, again, we want you to chime in. Michelle is in her 40\u2019s; she\u2019s single\u2014so this is real life for you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut we want to talk, Juli, about how a mom can raise a daughter for that period of time\u2014when she will be sexually interested and unmarried\u2014how do you get her ready for that season? Secondly, how do you help somebody, who is in that season for a prolonged season, thrive in the midst of that? Then, third, what do you do if you\u2019ve crossed the line and, maybe, that\u2019s been a pattern for a long period of time?\u2014and that crossing the line can look like all kinds of things for a young woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s start with moms and daughters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And before we start there\u2014Keith, I want you to turn a timer on. Just break the broadcast down into three segments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You want these equal segments? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I do! I want to make sure we cover all three of these because I want to hear what Juli says. I know, if I want to hear, I\u2019ll guarantee you there are a lot of listeners who want to hear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so you\u2019re on the clock, Juli. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Alright. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Alright? Here we go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> I\u2019ll talk fast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, mothers and daughters\u2014there is going to be a time in most girls\u2019 lives when they are sexually interested and sexually aware. They are single, and they know what the Bible says; but this is hard, and their friends are saying: \u201cCome on! What\u2019s the big deal?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Okay; so I think the first part of that is to normalize it, because we don\u2019t typically talk about sexual longings. You know, you shared, Michelle, your experience of just hearing: \u201cDon\u2019t do it. Don\u2019t be sexual. Don\u2019t have sex,\u201d and that was pretty much it; but I think normalizing conversations around the fact that we have longings that are not met in the present time and, in some respects, not met completely here on earth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, for mom, again, to have the conversation that\u2019s more of a discipleship model of sharing when she was single\u2014even sharing the fact that marriage is part of why God has designed your sexuality, to draw you into and to want a covenant relationship with someone\u2014but ultimately, that relationship is meant to be with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur sexuality constantly reminds us that we were not created to be alone. So, when we <em>feel<\/em> those longings, we have to remember that those longings have a purpose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen a mom approaches sexuality from that perspective\u2014and also invites her daughter to be open about when she\u2019s struggling: \u201cIt\u2019s okay to struggle. It\u2019s normal to struggle. Let\u2019s talk about it. Let\u2019s pray about it. Let\u2019s get you some support and help through this,\u201d\u2014it sets a completely different atmosphere than the approach of: \u201cThis is an awkward topic. I don\u2019t really want to know what you\u2019re struggling with, because I\u2019m not sure I know how to handle it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s a different environment that allows a young woman, again, to be discipled through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just say, quickly, a mom may try to have that kind of conversation with her daughter, and her daughter feels uncomfortable; and that should not be a signal for a mom then to retreat and say, \u201cWell, she doesn\u2019t want to talk about it.\u201d It just means that your daughter\u2014\u201cThis feels a little uncomfortable,\u201d\u2014but you can gently continue to nudge and open the door. Your daughter will come around; won\u2019t she? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely. I mean, when I was first called to talk on this topic of sexuality, many years ago, I was so nervous; and it was so awkward. I didn\u2019t know how to say the words out loud; but the more God has called me to study this and to integrate it into my own life and to teach it, the more comfortable and normal this becomes. That\u2019s true, not just in a ministry context, but in a relationship and parenting context. The more we push through that awkwardness and really reclaim this conversation as part of God\u2019s design, the less uncomfortable we are; and our kids pick up on that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You know, we do not understand the mystery that surrounds our sexuality; but God did make us sexual beings, so I just want to put a double-underline about what you said, Juli. Push through the fear \/ the shame of your own past\u2014whatever grips your heart of being terrified about talking about some of these subjects\u2014and have the conversation, because young ladies are facing this stuff with both the opposite sex and same sex. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey are desperate to have somebody invade their world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What would it have done for you, as a young lady, Michelle? You mentioned earlier that you grew up in a home where it just wasn\u2019t talked about. What do you think it might have meant to you if those conversations had been normalized? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I think, at first, it would have taken my mom to have to continue pressing on and pressing into me; but if they had been normalized, I think I would have had a different worldview as I grew up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s interesting\u2014I have a friend who took her young girl through <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> not too long ago. She said, \u201cI can\u2019t share with her my past.\u201d I said: \u201cShare with her what is age-appropriate, because then you are helping to be transparent. You\u2019re showing to <em>her<\/em> what it is to be vulnerable. Then, <em>she<\/em> can do the same with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Juli, what about the past? Do moms need to enter into that? How about dads too?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; I think absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou used the phrase, age-appropriate, which is <em>key<\/em>. You don\u2019t want to share with your children something that you haven\u2019t, yourself, processed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes, when you\u2019re sharing something for the first time, you overshare; and you don\u2019t want to do that with your kids. But here is the key\u2014is talking about sexual sins\/struggles is actually, I think, perhaps, the most powerful way to teach our kids about the gospel of Jesus Christ; because, when we sin, sexually\u2014you know, Scripture even says every other sin is outside the body, but this is against your own body. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is something <em>very profound<\/em> that happens in our sexual sin; and when we understand that Jesus died to forgive us and completely free us from that, we understand the gospel at a different level. If our kids can see that in our lives and begin to integrate that into their own walk with God, it\u2019s so much more powerful than just the message: \u201cThe goal is to stay pure.\u201d You know, the goal is to have an encounter with the Lord Jesus Christ wherever we find ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; the timer is going off, so we\u2019ve got to move to topic number two, which is strategies for coping, as a single young woman, who has sexual desire and you\u2019re single. What\u2019s your best advice to somebody like Michelle? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, Michelle\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, help me. Help me, please! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I want to hear what has worked for you\u2014[Laughter]\u2014what you\u2019ve done that\u2019s helped you stay focused on it. Maybe, we start with you\u2014do you want to start and tell us what your strategies have been? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Juli is nodding her head for you. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; I know. She\u2019s trying to encourage me on. Strategies\u2014well, I\u2019m just going to throw out the good, Christian answer\u2014that\u2019s \u201cJesus.\u201d I mean, seriously, that has to be your number-one strategy\u2014the focus of each day, every second of each day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, also, my love language is touch. This has been a struggle for me because, in our society, a single girl just doesn\u2019t walk up to anybody or any guy and give them a hug or even linger in a hug or touch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven to my friends\u2014that\u2019s not something that I do. I can do that with little kids, but I don\u2019t have a lot of little kids around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019ve done is\u2014I\u2019ve started volunteering with hospice. I have been assigned to a nursing home. I tell people: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any man around me to give me hugs; so I go to hospice, and I hold hands.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow. That\u2019s beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It hasn\u2019t fulfilled me in what I really long and desire, but God has used that in amazing ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re thinking outside yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Trying to. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; Juli? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> First of all, I just want to commend you for, particularly, what you shared about your strategy\u2014understanding that your love language is physical touch. I think what\u2019s so key is meaningful physical touch. It\u2019s not enough just for someone to randomly come up and give you a hug; but what you are doing, when you\u2019re ministering to those in hospice or in a nursing home, is you\u2019re giving life through touch\u2014that\u2019s what we long for\u2014it\u2019s not just a handshake. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is like: \u201cI want to express love in some way with the body God has given me.\u201d There are all kinds of appropriate ways to do that. You mentioned children\u2014children need so much touch, and they don\u2019t have the same taboos we have around giving somebody a hug\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> \u2014you know, just sitting on your lap and cuddling while you\u2019re reading a book. That\u2019s a beautiful way of recognizing, \u201cI need physical contact,\u201d and that\u2019s a healthy way of, not only receiving it, but giving it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, in terms of strategies\u2014I think one of the most important things is getting the bigger picture around our sexuality. Sometimes, we put all of our eggs in this basket of \u201cI need to be sexually active to be fulfilled\/completed.\u201d We don\u2019t recognize that that expression of sexuality is really tapping into so many deeper longings that are significant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you story of a woman that I talked to recently, who has recently come to a relationship with Jesus Christ and has a history of a lot of trauma in her past\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and a history of many hook-up relationships\u2014just guy after guy after guy. She\u2019s been a Christian for about a year. She was like: \u201cI can\u2019t stop myself from wanting to have sex with somebody. I walk into work, and that\u2019s the first thing on my mind. Can you help me?\u2014because I don\u2019t know how to stop this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made the statement to her: \u201cI think, when you walk into work and you have that thought, you\u2019re really not looking for sex. What are you looking for?\u201d Immediately, she said: \u201cYou\u2019re right. I just want to belong. I want affection.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we need to ask that question: \u201cWhat does my sexuality represent to me? What is the <em>deeper<\/em> longing?\u201d Most often, it\u2019s not just a physical desire\u2014it\u2019s the longing to be somebody\u2019s \/ to belong somewhere\u2014to be working toward the future with someone. If we can connect with those deeper longings, then there are very appropriate, godly ways to pursue those longings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; and one of the things I would add to our list here of strategies is a best friend\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014a long-term, lifelong friend. David had his Jonathan. He actually said that his love was better than that of a woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It wasn\u2019t a homosexual relationship, but I think one of the most powerful ways that the Christian community ought to be good at setting single women up with would be to have a friendship with someone you could trust, from a mature standpoint. Now, again, it has to be one that\u2019s proven over time. You also have to know that you\u2019ll have a number of friendships that won\u2019t go the distance\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and won\u2019t be that true kindred-spirit friendship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I just want to say here, I\u2019ve got a friend of mine who has been through Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the things he shared with me about his battle for desire\u2014because that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here\u2014he said, \u201cI was told\u201d\u2014and you\u2019ve probably heard this about the H.A.L.T. acronym. He said, \u201cYou are most susceptible to want to drink when you\u2019re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMichelle, I\u2019m guessing that these sexual feelings\u2014and you\u2019re wanting to act on them\u2014are harder to deal with when you\u2019re hungry, or angry, or lonely, or tired. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes; or when life is feeling like: \u201cI\u2019m in despair,\u201d \/ \u201cI\u2019m discouraged.\u201d It is like, \u201cOkay; how do I stop?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was going to ask Juli\u2014we have a lot\u2014a growing number of Christian young gals who are into pornography. Help us understand what <em>they<\/em> can put into their place as, not as a road block, but as a strategy to keep from going down that road. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Again, we\u2019ve got to ask the deeper question. You know, I think there are strategies that you set up to play defense\u2014you know, like having an accountability partner, having software on your phone or computer, maybe not having a smartphone. Those are <em>wise<\/em> defensive strategies; but what we\u2019re not doing is saying, \u201cWhat\u2019s the offensive strategy?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because we get involved in hookups, and pornography, and other forms of destructive behaviors, not randomly; they come from somewhere. We\u2019re doing more research on why men and women are getting pulled into these things. For example, you are much more likely to be involved in pornography if you feel that your life does not have a purpose \/ if it feels meaningless. You\u2019re much more likely to be involved in pornography if you have experienced sexual trauma as a child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think some of it is we are not asking the deeper question of: \u201cWhat is the wound that is drawing me to this? What is the need that Satan is telling me I can get met this way?\u201d Again, when we use the discipleship framework to this, it\u2019s forcing us to ask those deeper questions of ourselves and other people so that we can pursue\u2014not just \u201cLet me stop this behavior,\u201d\u2014but \u201cLet me address the need that this behavior is seeking fulfillment in.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; we\u2019ve got to move on to the third area, because we\u2019re out of time here for area number two. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThird area is\u2014and you touched on this. You used an example of somebody who, before she was a Christian\u2014very sexually active. There are a lot of girls, who grew up in the church\u2014and for whatever reason, they become sexually involved\u2014there is rape; there is sexual violence that\u2019s been done against women. When this is a part of your past, how do you process that, and how do you try to pursue purity in your life as a single woman?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> One of the things that I think is really key is\u2014we think about the language that we\u2019re using. When you are talking to a woman, who has experienced things like what you described\u2014to them, purity just doesn\u2019t connect; they feel like: \u201cThat\u2019s gone. I can never have that back.\u201d The word that we use in our ministry is: \u201cHow do you pursue integrity?\u201d because integrity means: \u201cI\u2019m a whole person. I am consistent in my sexuality\u2014related to my walk with the Lord \/ with the person that I want to become\u2014instead of feeling like I\u2019m split off.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you talk to Christian women\u2014who have experienced pornography, sexual abuse, hookups\u2014they feel split off\u2014like, \u201cThere\u2019s a part of me that loves God; and then, there is this ugly part of me I don\u2019t know what to do with.\u201d The goal is: \u201cHow do I become a woman of integrity?\u201d Integrity means that I see myself the same way that God sees me\u2014that I trust His Word in my healing \/ in my redemption and that, from this day forward, I want to move forward towards God\u2019s view of my sexuality and how to steward that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s a big part. A big piece of taking that step toward integrity is being honest about: what we\u2019re feeling; what\u2019s happened to us; and maybe even, now, what I\u2019m still struggling with. I feel like there are <em>so many<\/em> Christian women, who think: \u201cThere is not a safe place for me to be honest, so I have to keep pretending that I have it all together\u2014that I\u2019m not struggling with shame, and guilt, and temptation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014instead of just raising your hand and saying, \u201cHelp, because I\u2019m drowning.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the names of the devil is the Accuser\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of the brethren. I think he has a heyday with single women; because they get isolated, emotionally\/relationally, and then their past is thrown up at them. Maybe, they cohabited for a period of time; maybe, they just had a series of one-night stands\u2014but the enemy does a great job of <em>reminding<\/em> of failures. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; he sure does. You used the word\u2014like he isolates us\u2014and he makes you believe that you\u2019re the only one struggling with this: \u201cYou\u2019re the only one that\u2019s had an abortion,\u201d \/ \u201cYou\u2019re the only one that is attracted to the same sex,\u201d and \u201cIf you were to speak this out loud, everybody would reject you; God would reject you,\u201d\u2014so that keeps women quiet. The enemy\u2019s stronghold just gets more <em>powerful<\/em> in that darkness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we step out\u2014and we speak the truth of what\u2019s happening to us, and we ask the body of Christ to begin ministering to those wounds, and to begin telling us truth about what Scripture says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s when we start healing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shame is something that is deep in us. I have told people\u2014and I think this is true\u2014when you bring your shame into the light, a lot of the power of that shame is <em>drained<\/em> when the light comes on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The longer you keep it hidden away and say, \u201cNobody can know this about me,\u201d it has more power over you than if you come forward and say: \u201cI just have to confess something. This is what is true\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what I\u2019ve experienced\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what I\u2019ve been through\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what I\u2019m dealing with\u2026\u201d It\u2019s almost like that starts to break the spell. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had a guy come to me at work\u2014he closed my office door and he said, \u201cI am finding myself attracted to a married woman here in the office.\u201d This is at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. He said, \u201cI just needed to tell somebody, because it\u2019s tearing me up; and I don\u2019t know what to do with it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cMy relationship with my wife is fine, but I just find myself being attracted to this woman.\u201d We prayed together\u2014I said, \u201cI\u2019ll keep in touch with you.\u201d A couple days later, I went back and said, \u201cSo, what\u2019s going on?\u201d He said, \u201cYou know, it\u2019s like, after I came and told you,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit\u2019s like, now, I\u2019m not dealing with it anymore.\u201d I think we\u2019ve got to recognize that level of transparency\/that vulnerability can be very freeing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> We even see this with God. You know, one of my favorite psalms is Psalm 32\u2014it\u2019s the psalm where David says, \u201cYou are my hiding place\u201d; but before we get to that verse, David talks about how he was hiding <em>from<\/em> God instead of hiding <em>in<\/em> God. He describes God\u2019s presence as actually <em>oppressive<\/em>: \u201cYour hand was heavy upon me.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we do that with the Lord. We don\u2019t tell Him the truth about what we are feeling\/what we\u2019re wrestling with; and even going to church or opening your Bible can feel oppressive, like: \u201cGod is judging me. I\u2019m so full of shame.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we step into honesty, God can actually start to <em>become<\/em> our hiding place and our haven. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just looking at your book, <em>Sex and the Single Girl<\/em>, and I think a part of the healing process that you\u2019re talking about Juli\u2014and you\u2019ve alluded to Michelle\u2014would be to take your book, which is really broken down like a small group study, where a group of women could study this and could talk about it. It would have to be a safe place. There\u2019d have to be some boundaries established; but I think there could be real healing there if you could find a group of people\u20144\/5, maybe?\u2014and just say, \u201cCould we get real and get honest about what\u2019s happening in the church?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I want that kind of group; I want to go through the book right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019d sign up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I\u2019d sign up! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Let\u2019s encourage women to be able to do this in the church, not somewhere else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And Michelle, I think you could get together with some younger single women in their\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014in their 20\u2019s\u2014college-aged girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you could say, \u201cGirls, let\u2019s go through this together\u201d; and they would learn and benefit from your experience of this. I think God would give blessing back to you as you took them through this kind of content. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re right, Bob; but I would say\u2014just listening to Michelle\u2014she needs a group of peers\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; yes, she does. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014so women over 30. Then, after you go through that group, <em>then<\/em>, you take on the young. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Then, I pour into others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014I\u2019ll give you my copy; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Okay; okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because I was not going to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t going to go through it?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No. [Laughter] So, you can have it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Bob, that\u2019s encouraging to me! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can have my copy of Juli\u2019s book, <em>Sex and the Single Girl<\/em>. It\u2019s a book that we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center; and you can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, this weekend, in Parsippany, New Jersey, we\u2019ve got hundreds of couples who are joining us for one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. Please pray for those couples. Next weekend is a big weekend\u2014we\u2019ve got getaways happening in Augusta, Georgia; Coeur d'Alene, Idaho; Dayton, Ohio; Naples, Florida; Louisville, Kentucky; and in Sacramento and San Diego, California\u2014hundreds of couples who are going to be out for one of these weekend getaways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we just ask that you\u2019d pray for these couples: that God would meet them at the getaway; and those who are coming for a marriage tune-up would find it\u2019s a refreshing weekend; and those who are coming, who are struggling, would find the help and hope they are looking for. That\u2019s what we are committed to, here, at FamilyLife. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for every marriage\/every family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to help your relationships thrive, and grow, and deepen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou make all of this possible when you help support the ministry of FamilyLife. We are a donor-supported ministry. More than 65 percent of the revenue we receive each year comes from donations. It covers the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program so that it can be heard on stations, all around the country and now, all around the world, via the internet. Thank you for your support of this ministry\u2014those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners \/ those of you who give occasionally\u2014we\u2019re <em>always<\/em> grateful to hear from you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd if you are a regular listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation, let me invite you to go to our website today\u2014make an online donation\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, the phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. When you donate, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of the FamilyLife 2019 calendar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s all about building togetherness as a family, and it\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you support the ministry today. So, again, donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk about what a man can do to be a legacy-minded man. Joe Pellegrino is going to be here for that, and I hope you can be with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300423","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300423"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300423"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300423"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300423"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300423"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300423"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300423"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}