{"id":300401,"date":"2018-10-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/compounded-loss\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:35","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:35","slug":"compounded-loss","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/compounded-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"Compounded Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Albert Hsu | Series: Grieving a Suicide | Albert Hsu, author of &#8220;Grieving a Suicide,&#8221; talks frankly about the loss of his father to suicide. Hsu shares how suicide heightens the regular grief that comes with the death of a loved one. Not only is this person no longer with you, but you have to grapple with how they left you. Hsu shares how his new wife&#8217;s presence ministered to him in his time of crisis, and what others did that encouraged him or discouraged him while he grieved his father. Hsu reminds us that God is with us in our suffering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Albert Hsu talks frankly about the loss of his father to suicide. Hsu shares how suicide heightens the regular grief that comes with the death of a loved one. Hsu reminds us that God is with us in our suffering.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:19","filesize":"24.1M","filesize_raw":"25266701","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,2846,2873],"tags":[4564,4009,2343,4567,4565,4566,4562,4563,4568],"podcast_series":[7253],"cwp_profile":[8854],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300401","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-depression","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-clinical-depression","tag-depression","tag-grief","tag-grieving-a-suicide","tag-loss-of-hope","tag-parent-suicide","tag-suicide","tag-suicide-survivor","tag-time-of-crisis","podcast_series-grieving-a-suicide","cwp_profile-albert-hsu","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300401\/compounded-loss","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300401\/compounded-loss","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"w35mA6c24G\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/compounded-loss\/\">Compounded Loss<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/compounded-loss\/embed\/#?secret=w35mA6c24G\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Compounded Loss&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"w35mA6c24G\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you have a friend or a family member, and you\u2019ve been concerned that they might be contemplating self-harm, is there anything you can say or do? Albert Hsu says there is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>The Bible actually gives a great example of suicide prevention. In the Book of Acts\u2014in Acts 16, Paul and Silas are in prison in Philippi. The earthquake happens and they\u2019re released from their chains. The Philippian jailer is about to kill himself, because he knows he\u2019ll be held accountable. He\u2019s drawing his sword\u2014he\u2019s about to take his own life\u2014and Paul cries out: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here.\u201d He intervenes\u2014he gives him hope; he gives him a reason to live\u2014and the jailer and his whole household come to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can do the same. When we see people at risk around us, we can say: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here. We are here for you,\u201d and \u201cLife is worth living,\u201d and \u201cYou don\u2019t have to take this path.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We need to be aware and alert to others around us who may be in a season of dark despair, to know how we can help and minister to them. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with our guest, Albert Hsu. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking this week about double grief\u2014about the loss of someone we love \/ the trauma when that loss happens because that person took his or her own life\u2014and then, in some cases, Dennis, the need for the person, who\u2019s going through that double grief, to turn around and be a caregiver to others who are grieving in your family or in your circle. It\u2019s a hard place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It really is, but there is a passage in Paul\u2019s writings to the church at Corinth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he says, \u201cComfort others with the comfort with which you have been comforted.\u201d God doesn\u2019t want us to waste our grief. He doesn\u2019t want us to feel like it\u2019s minimized either, because there is\u2014I don\u2019t think there is any grief like those who grieve a suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have the author of a book called <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em>, Al Hsu, with us again. Al, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your dad took his life how many years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Twenty years now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Twenty years ago. What percent would you say you\u2019re over or you have grieved the loss of your father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think any of us ever fully get over anything like this. I was talking to another person, who lost her dad to suicide; and she said, \u201cIt\u2019s been 25 years, and I still grieve him every day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust this week, actually, I talked to another person who lost a friend in high school to suicide. There were some recent things that had just triggered some memories, and she\u2019s still grieving that particular loss in a very powerful way. It does stay with us for a very long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt does change, though, over the years. When I lost my dad in my 20s, I grieved him, as a father, at that stage of life\u2014I wished he would have been there, present, as a dad. But now, 20 years later, I grieve him in my 40s, as the grandfather that my sons have never known. I lament all the birthdays, and celebrations, and family things that he was not part of\u2014that\u2019s another layer of grieving that we do in this era.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Any of us, who have lost parents, for any reason, experience that level of grief. How is it compounded, do you think, for those when the grieving has a suicide connected to it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Suicide heightens and intensifies the regular grief. If it\u2019s a child\/teenager that dies by suicide, what would already be a very sad teen death is heightened in even more painful teen suicide. It introduces all different layers of complexity as far as, not only is this person no longer with us, it is also that we have to grapple with <em>how<\/em> they left us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it had been a car accident or cancer, or something like that, we could blame the drunk driver, we could blame the cancer; or if it had been the murderer, we could rage against the murderer. But in this case, our loved one died at his own hand. We grieve them with all the sadness, and love, and pain that would be normal; but we also rage against them, and we are angry at them, and we hate them for doing this to themselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnger is very common as another emotion after a suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Al, thank you\u2014thank you for saying that anger is a normal response. I have a feeling that there is more than one survivor of suicide in their family who has felt that rage and felt like it was wrong\u2014it was wrong to feel that way. But you\u2019re saying, \u201cNo; anger is a secondary emotion that is expressed when one\u2019s hurt.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Right; and it\u2019s very common. One bereavement counselor told me that she sees people in cemeteries, all the time, yelling at gravestones. Anger is a very common response to grief.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When you got the news of your father\u2019s suicide from your mom, you got in the car and drove from Chicago to Minnesota. You were grieving; but now, you were in a position to try to comfort your mom in her grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, how did you handle the grieving that you were going through and the need to be a comforting son in that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>In many ways, we just sort of kicked into handling logistics and being busy\u2014taking care of details with the funeral home\u2014and things like that. I was feeling pretty numb. People who specialize in trauma tell us that, after trauma, we are often immobilized in many ways. Our normal fight-or-flight response shuts down, and we have a freeze response. In some ways, I\u2019m very grateful for how my wife and others helped fill in around us; whereas I didn\u2019t always know what to do \/ I couldn\u2019t always act\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; let me stop you there. You\u2019d only been married a few months; hadn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Yes; yes\u2014nine months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Ellen stepped in. How was she a helpmate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I\u2019m so grateful for her walking with me throughout all this. She was my shoulder to cry on; she gave all the practical support needed as we were running around, taking care of stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn many ways, our marriages, our families, our churches provide that kind of surrounding structure and support in a time of loss like this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you were in your early 20s; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHow prepared were you, in your early 20s, to come alongside Mary Ann, me, alongside Barbara, if there had been a suicide, to even\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014to know what to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ceven know what to say, how to be there, how to just provide that shoulder to cry on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think that\u2019s where a lot of people feel inadequate in the moment, whatever age they are. When they hear about a friend, they go, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say; I don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d\u2014so that\u2019s where they withdraw.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re coaching someone to know what to say or do, what do they say or do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Well, I have a list of things <em>not<\/em> to say. [Laughter] I think Christians are often quick to give the pat answer\u2014and even if they\u2019re biblical \/ even if they\u2019re well-intentioned\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they sometimes come across as too quick to assure somebody of, \u201cOh, God has a plan for this,\u201d and all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Romans 8:28 is out at this point; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>\u2014all those phrases that are often given. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do have to say, in particular\u2014one of my relatives used the line: \u201cYou\u2019ll get through this. What doesn\u2019t kill you makes you stronger.\u201d It is like\u2014well, first of all, it\u2019s not from the Bible\u2014it\u2019s from Nietzsche. Even though it\u2019s a catchy Kelly Clarkson song now, it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> biblical. To someone who has lost someone to suicide\u2014how you hear it is that, \u201cOh, my dad was not strong enough, and so he died because of this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s much more helpful to just be present with somebody\u2014to listen and to say, \u201cAre there things I can do to help?\u201d\u2014to not have to have the answers of why this happened or where God is in this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne phrase, or one question, that has been helpful is, \u201cWhat do you want to remember about your loved one?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because, often, we are grieving in the moment. We\u2019re thinking about those awful last days \/ those awful last moments. We forget that is only one chapter of a fuller life. If you are able to invite somebody to tell their story\u2014tell their family story and to practice remembrance\u2014this is a very biblical practice of remembering how God has been faithful in the past, how this person has lived and loved, and their story is bigger than just how they died.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did your dad leave us a suicide note?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>No; he did not. Only about a quarter of suicides leave behind any kind of note or message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you wish he had?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. It\u2019s\u2014a suicide note\u2014it\u2019s often said that they\u2019re unreliable indications of the loved one\u2019s last moments or thoughts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve been comforted more so, I guess, by seeing old letters, and cards, and emails from my dad\u2014to remember him at his best times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and not have words that were his last words before he passed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it was clear that it had been suicide. There was never any question of whether it had been an accident of some sort?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Right; no. Actually, that\u2019s another thing that often we, as survivors\u2014we want to find an alternate explanation. Some suicides are explained as accidents: \u201cOh, he didn\u2019t mean to take all those pills,\u201d \u201cOh, she didn\u2019t mean to\u2026\u201d whatever it is, you know; because our minds may not be able to process the reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s important for us to tell the truth about what actually happened. We don\u2019t have to put it on the news or anything\u2014but just to acknowledge: \u201cThis is what actually happened,\u201d and we can\u2019t\u2014let\u2019s not self-deceive ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mentioned that people ask the question, \u201cWhy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat becomes an <em>urgent<\/em> issue\u2014to try to get an answer to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAl, I have made it a habit, when I go to a funeral, to make notes on the funeral program of what lesson I could learn from the person who\u2019s died. You\u2019ll see here\u2014I just pulled this one out of my Bible. This is Chuck Colson\u2019s remembrance, 1931-2012; and it has lessons from him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had another one from a little girl, who was 12 years old, killed in a tragic car wreck, whose father was a doctor, who spoke at her memorial service. He made, to me, the best counsel I have ever heard around this question of, \u201cWhy?\u201d He said this\u2014he said, \u201cI refuse to ask the question, \u2018Why?\u2019 until I can ask it of the One who can answer it.\u201d What he was saying there is: \u201cI\u2019m not sure there\u2019s going to be a satisfactory answer here; but when I get to heaven and I see Love, face to face\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2014I see Almighty God, face to face\u2014I can ask that question, at that point, and it will make sense. The answer will be profound.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>And in the meantime, we are not even really looking for the answer to the \u201cWhy?\u201d We\u2019re looking for someone who can comfort us in the midst of the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I think of an analogy that somebody once told me. Let\u2019s imagine that you break your leg, and that you\u2019re rushed to the hospital, and they\u2019re working on you. You ask the doctor, \u201cDoctor, why did this happen?\u201d He says, \u201cWell, you were running at this speed; and you fell at this angle, and you broke your leg; and that\u2019s why it happened.\u201d And then they leave. You know, at that point, I don\u2019t really need the explanation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I need the doctor to set the bone; I need the physician to heal me. That\u2019s really what we\u2019re looking for when we\u2019re asking the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions. We\u2019ll never get a full answer to the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions; but we need the Great Physician to heal our broken heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and we think, if we get an answer, that somehow that will bring us comfort\u2014that: \u201cOh, if I understood why, then I can be at peace.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, in the case of people, who are experiencing deep depression, and they\u2019re at a point where they\u2019re no longer wanting to live\u2014if we know that\u2019s the answer\u2014I don\u2019t know that that solves anything for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had somebody, not long after your dad had died\u2014you learned of a friend, who was battling depression and had attempted suicide; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can reach out in those moments and go, \u201cWhy would she do that?\u201d but your response\u2014I thought your response to that was very interesting. How did you respond when you got that news?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Well, I sort of cried and wailed: \u201cWhy is this world so broken that people feel this loss, this pain, this abandonment\u2014that they feel like this world is not worth living?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat is helpful for us, as Christians, is to realize that God is present with us in a suffering world\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that, in fact, it\u2019s not only that Jesus understands\u2014you know, God is not the kind of abstract philosophical God that looks at us from a distance. Jesus became human and experienced the suffering of the human body and died on a cross. But that wasn\u2019t the end of the story. He made a way on the other side\u2014after the crucifixion was resurrection. That is the hope of the Christian story\u2014that we are not <em>left<\/em> in our pain \/ we are not <em>left<\/em> in our suffering\u2014that there is more to the story\u2014that we have hope of resurrection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I have never forgotten my dad\u2019s funeral. I mentioned earlier that I received a phone call early one morning\u2014Sunday morning\u2014that my dad had gotten up, and made himself a cup of coffee, and went back to the bedroom\u2014said he had some heartburn and lay down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the time my mom went back to see him again, he was dead; so there were no goodbyes. There was no opportunity to say anything to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m wondering what your recollection was of the funeral; because my recollection of the funeral was: \u201cMy dad worked hard, but now he\u2019s at rest. There is no struggle; there is no more pain.\u201d What do you recall about your father\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>The main thing I remember is that my wife and I\u2014I play piano \/ I\u2019m a pianist\u2014and my wife is a worship leader. We sang and played <em>It Is Well with My Soul<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How long does it take you to get to the point where you can say that with\u2014not just by faith\u2014because you went from a period of being numb to then a period of having to kind of come, face to face, with your own emotions. Was it an <em>easy<\/em> step for you to get to where you could say, \u201cIt is well with my soul\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad that the song made me say words that I was not necessarily able to fully believe until later. I think, in some ways, that is symbolic of the church holding us\u2014that the church says, \u201cWe believe in God the Father,\u201d and that even when we are in the midst of the pain, there\u2019s a church around us that is believing on our behalf\u2014holding us up on our behalf and saying\/professing our faith and hope in Christ\u2014even when we\u2019re in the midst of the pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are no linear stages of grief. There are always cycles of\u2014you\u2019re going through different stages over and over again. You don\u2019t finish the anger stage and then move on to the acceptance stage. There\u2019s an ongoing process of grief and grieving and re-grieving over and over again. But in the midst of it all, I do think we can have hope that God is present and walking through us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Twenty years afterwards, the waves of grief are, I\u2019m imagining, farther apart and <em>less<\/em> disorienting than they were; but still regular for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Less so now. There\u2019s\u2014to some extent, every time I\u2019m asked to talk about my dad\u2019s death, I\u2019m grieving him all over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re back into it; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>But to the extent that it helps others\u2014share their own stories and deal with their own grief\u2014and to say, \u201cYou are not alone in this,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s worth it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething that I\u2019m grateful for is that, in the past few years, the church has spoken a little more about suicide, and depression, and mental health, partly because of the loss of Rick and Kay Warren\u2019s son, Matthew, in 2013. They lost their son to suicide. But, out of that, Kay Warren and Saddleback Church have launched mental health initiatives to help the church grapple and to help those who have been struggling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCountless lives have been saved\u2014people who have been struggling with depression, who have heard Matthew\u2019s story, who have said: \u201cI need help, and I will find hope. I will find the strength to go on.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m glad that the church is active in helping those who struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should say this: \u201cThe Bible actually gives a great example of suicide prevention.\u201d In the Book of Acts\u2014in Acts 16, Paul and Silas are in prison in Philippi. The earthquake happens, and they\u2019re released from their chains. The Philippian jailer is about to kill himself, because he knows he\u2019ll be held accountable. He\u2019s drawing his sword; he\u2019s about to take his own life. Paul cries out: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here.\u201d He intervenes\u2014he gives him hope \/ he gives him a reason to live\u2014and the jailer and his whole household come to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can do the same. When we see people at risk around us, we can say: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here. We are here for you,\u201d and \u201cLife is worth living,\u201d and \u201cYou don\u2019t have to take this path.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mention in your book that they had a visitation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing you took note of was the number of family members that went near the casket and wanted to say things to your dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may not know this, but my dad died before I got a chance to say everything I wanted to say to him. It ended up with me writing a tribute to my mom and framing it and taking it to her. But I ended up writing a tribute to my dad, after he was gone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m assuming you had some of the same regrets that I had\u2014different reasons; but nonetheless, you\u2019d like to have said it. If we had the ability to seat your father across from the table right now, could you give him a tribute?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>In some ways, this book that I\u2019ve written is a tribute to my dad. I would want to say to him:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have lived our lives. I have lived my life in a remembrance of you\u2014to honor you. I hope, that by telling our family story, it is helping other families in their grief.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad was a very private man\u2014he was an introvert; he did not want to call attention to himself; but I was impressed, at the funeral, how many people he was connected to that came and gave their tributes. All of our lives are interconnected in ways that we don\u2019t always realize, and the impact and ripple effects that we have is significant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLosing my dad to suicide is the hardest thing I\u2019ve ever experienced, but I hope that it has changed me in a way that has made me more available to other people in their own grief and suffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good word. That really is a good word\u2014to take something that you didn\u2019t ask for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but to take a trauma, and not turn against God, but ask Him to use that in your life to comfort others, bring encouragement, hope, perspective\u2014and if nothing else\u2014just your presence to their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and in that way, your book is the tribute that you\u2019re talking about to your dad. It\u2019s also a <em>needed<\/em> resource in our day for people who are grieving a suicide\u2014that\u2019s the title of the book that Al Hsu has written. You can order <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em> when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY to request your copy. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and the phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, we have some additional interaction with Al Hsu available online\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s a podcast of continuing dialogue on the subject of suicide. That\u2019s available for you if you\u2019d like to download that or go deeper on this subject. Find the audio at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking, Dennis, of the archive of programs on difficult subjects. Through the years, we\u2019ve talked about domestic violence; we\u2019ve talked about infidelity in a marriage relationship; we\u2019ve talked about rebellious teenagers\u2014I mean, there have been programs that we\u2019ve developed over the years to help individuals \/ help couples and families with the hard issues that come at us in this life. Our goal, here, is to equip you with practical biblical help and hope for the challenges you face in your marriage and your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, you make all of this possible for the hundreds of thousands of people who are connecting with us each week online, via radio, through our app, or those who are now connecting using their Alexa device. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re telling Alexa to \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d Once you\u2019ve built that skill into the app, it\u2019s as easy to listen as just to have Alexa serve the program up for you every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou make all of that possible for countless young couples and families every time you make a donation to support this ministry. You can donate, right now, by going to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make an online donation\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you donate, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you our 2019 FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> calendar. We have designed this, not just to be something that\u2019s beautiful to hang on your wall, but something that reminds you of Scripture each month and that points you to activities that you can do, as a family, to build togetherness. There are \u201cTogetherness Tips\u201d all through this calendar. It\u2019s our gift to you when you make a donation, so you can request it when you donate online or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. Have you ever had the situation where you\u2019ve hit \u201cSend\u201d and then regretted it? Emerson Eggerichs is going to join us Monday to talk about how we can keep that from happening\u2014what we can do before we hit \u201cSend\u201d so we don\u2019t wind up wishing we hadn\u2019t pushed that button. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:19"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.1M"],"filesize_raw":["25266701"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300401.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300401.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Hsu talks frankly about the loss of his father to suicide. Hsu shares how suicide heightens the regular grief that comes with the death of a loved one. Hsu reminds us that God is with us in our suffering.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you have a friend or a family member, and you\u2019ve been concerned that they might be contemplating self-harm, is there anything you can say or do? Albert Hsu says there is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>The Bible actually gives a great example of suicide prevention. In the Book of Acts\u2014in Acts 16, Paul and Silas are in prison in Philippi. The earthquake happens and they\u2019re released from their chains. The Philippian jailer is about to kill himself, because he knows he\u2019ll be held accountable. He\u2019s drawing his sword\u2014he\u2019s about to take his own life\u2014and Paul cries out: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here.\u201d He intervenes\u2014he gives him hope; he gives him a reason to live\u2014and the jailer and his whole household come to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can do the same. When we see people at risk around us, we can say: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here. We are here for you,\u201d and \u201cLife is worth living,\u201d and \u201cYou don\u2019t have to take this path.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We need to be aware and alert to others around us who may be in a season of dark despair, to know how we can help and minister to them. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with our guest, Albert Hsu. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking this week about double grief\u2014about the loss of someone we love \/ the trauma when that loss happens because that person took his or her own life\u2014and then, in some cases, Dennis, the need for the person, who\u2019s going through that double grief, to turn around and be a caregiver to others who are grieving in your family or in your circle. It\u2019s a hard place to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It really is, but there is a passage in Paul\u2019s writings to the church at Corinth\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014he says, \u201cComfort others with the comfort with which you have been comforted.\u201d God doesn\u2019t want us to waste our grief. He doesn\u2019t want us to feel like it\u2019s minimized either, because there is\u2014I don\u2019t think there is any grief like those who grieve a suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have the author of a book called <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em>, Al Hsu, with us again. Al, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Thanks for having me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Your dad took his life how many years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Twenty years now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Twenty years ago. What percent would you say you\u2019re over or you have grieved the loss of your father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think any of us ever fully get over anything like this. I was talking to another person, who lost her dad to suicide; and she said, \u201cIt\u2019s been 25 years, and I still grieve him every day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust this week, actually, I talked to another person who lost a friend in high school to suicide. There were some recent things that had just triggered some memories, and she\u2019s still grieving that particular loss in a very powerful way. It does stay with us for a very long time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt does change, though, over the years. When I lost my dad in my 20s, I grieved him, as a father, at that stage of life\u2014I wished he would have been there, present, as a dad. But now, 20 years later, I grieve him in my 40s, as the grandfather that my sons have never known. I lament all the birthdays, and celebrations, and family things that he was not part of\u2014that\u2019s another layer of grieving that we do in this era.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Any of us, who have lost parents, for any reason, experience that level of grief. How is it compounded, do you think, for those when the grieving has a suicide connected to it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Suicide heightens and intensifies the regular grief. If it\u2019s a child\/teenager that dies by suicide, what would already be a very sad teen death is heightened in even more painful teen suicide. It introduces all different layers of complexity as far as, not only is this person no longer with us, it is also that we have to grapple with <em>how<\/em> they left us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it had been a car accident or cancer, or something like that, we could blame the drunk driver, we could blame the cancer; or if it had been the murderer, we could rage against the murderer. But in this case, our loved one died at his own hand. We grieve them with all the sadness, and love, and pain that would be normal; but we also rage against them, and we are angry at them, and we hate them for doing this to themselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnger is very common as another emotion after a suicide.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Al, thank you\u2014thank you for saying that anger is a normal response. I have a feeling that there is more than one survivor of suicide in their family who has felt that rage and felt like it was wrong\u2014it was wrong to feel that way. But you\u2019re saying, \u201cNo; anger is a secondary emotion that is expressed when one\u2019s hurt.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Right; and it\u2019s very common. One bereavement counselor told me that she sees people in cemeteries, all the time, yelling at gravestones. Anger is a very common response to grief.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When you got the news of your father\u2019s suicide from your mom, you got in the car and drove from Chicago to Minnesota. You were grieving; but now, you were in a position to try to comfort your mom in her grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, how did you handle the grieving that you were going through and the need to be a comforting son in that moment?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>In many ways, we just sort of kicked into handling logistics and being busy\u2014taking care of details with the funeral home\u2014and things like that. I was feeling pretty numb. People who specialize in trauma tell us that, after trauma, we are often immobilized in many ways. Our normal fight-or-flight response shuts down, and we have a freeze response. In some ways, I\u2019m very grateful for how my wife and others helped fill in around us; whereas I didn\u2019t always know what to do \/ I couldn\u2019t always act\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; let me stop you there. You\u2019d only been married a few months; hadn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Yes; yes\u2014nine months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, Ellen stepped in. How was she a helpmate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I\u2019m so grateful for her walking with me throughout all this. She was my shoulder to cry on; she gave all the practical support needed as we were running around, taking care of stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn many ways, our marriages, our families, our churches provide that kind of surrounding structure and support in a time of loss like this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>So, you were in your early 20s; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHow prepared were you, in your early 20s, to come alongside Mary Ann, me, alongside Barbara, if there had been a suicide, to even\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014to know what to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ceven know what to say, how to be there, how to just provide that shoulder to cry on?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think that\u2019s where a lot of people feel inadequate in the moment, whatever age they are. When they hear about a friend, they go, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say; I don\u2019t know what to do,\u201d\u2014so that\u2019s where they withdraw.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re coaching someone to know what to say or do, what do they say or do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Well, I have a list of things <em>not<\/em> to say. [Laughter] I think Christians are often quick to give the pat answer\u2014and even if they\u2019re biblical \/ even if they\u2019re well-intentioned\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014they sometimes come across as too quick to assure somebody of, \u201cOh, God has a plan for this,\u201d and all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Romans 8:28 is out at this point; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>\u2014all those phrases that are often given. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do have to say, in particular\u2014one of my relatives used the line: \u201cYou\u2019ll get through this. What doesn\u2019t kill you makes you stronger.\u201d It is like\u2014well, first of all, it\u2019s not from the Bible\u2014it\u2019s from Nietzsche. Even though it\u2019s a catchy Kelly Clarkson song now, it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> biblical. To someone who has lost someone to suicide\u2014how you hear it is that, \u201cOh, my dad was not strong enough, and so he died because of this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s much more helpful to just be present with somebody\u2014to listen and to say, \u201cAre there things I can do to help?\u201d\u2014to not have to have the answers of why this happened or where God is in this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne phrase, or one question, that has been helpful is, \u201cWhat do you want to remember about your loved one?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because, often, we are grieving in the moment. We\u2019re thinking about those awful last days \/ those awful last moments. We forget that is only one chapter of a fuller life. If you are able to invite somebody to tell their story\u2014tell their family story and to practice remembrance\u2014this is a very biblical practice of remembering how God has been faithful in the past, how this person has lived and loved, and their story is bigger than just how they died.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did your dad leave us a suicide note?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>No; he did not. Only about a quarter of suicides leave behind any kind of note or message.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you wish he had?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know. It\u2019s\u2014a suicide note\u2014it\u2019s often said that they\u2019re unreliable indications of the loved one\u2019s last moments or thoughts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve been comforted more so, I guess, by seeing old letters, and cards, and emails from my dad\u2014to remember him at his best times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; and not have words that were his last words before he passed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it was clear that it had been suicide. There was never any question of whether it had been an accident of some sort?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Right; no. Actually, that\u2019s another thing that often we, as survivors\u2014we want to find an alternate explanation. Some suicides are explained as accidents: \u201cOh, he didn\u2019t mean to take all those pills,\u201d \u201cOh, she didn\u2019t mean to\u2026\u201d whatever it is, you know; because our minds may not be able to process the reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s important for us to tell the truth about what actually happened. We don\u2019t have to put it on the news or anything\u2014but just to acknowledge: \u201cThis is what actually happened,\u201d and we can\u2019t\u2014let\u2019s not self-deceive ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mentioned that people ask the question, \u201cWhy?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat becomes an <em>urgent<\/em> issue\u2014to try to get an answer to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAl, I have made it a habit, when I go to a funeral, to make notes on the funeral program of what lesson I could learn from the person who\u2019s died. You\u2019ll see here\u2014I just pulled this one out of my Bible. This is Chuck Colson\u2019s remembrance, 1931-2012; and it has lessons from him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had another one from a little girl, who was 12 years old, killed in a tragic car wreck, whose father was a doctor, who spoke at her memorial service. He made, to me, the best counsel I have ever heard around this question of, \u201cWhy?\u201d He said this\u2014he said, \u201cI refuse to ask the question, \u2018Why?\u2019 until I can ask it of the One who can answer it.\u201d What he was saying there is: \u201cI\u2019m not sure there\u2019s going to be a satisfactory answer here; but when I get to heaven and I see Love, face to face\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2014I see Almighty God, face to face\u2014I can ask that question, at that point, and it will make sense. The answer will be profound.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>And in the meantime, we are not even really looking for the answer to the \u201cWhy?\u201d We\u2019re looking for someone who can comfort us in the midst of the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I think of an analogy that somebody once told me. Let\u2019s imagine that you break your leg, and that you\u2019re rushed to the hospital, and they\u2019re working on you. You ask the doctor, \u201cDoctor, why did this happen?\u201d He says, \u201cWell, you were running at this speed; and you fell at this angle, and you broke your leg; and that\u2019s why it happened.\u201d And then they leave. You know, at that point, I don\u2019t really need the explanation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I need the doctor to set the bone; I need the physician to heal me. That\u2019s really what we\u2019re looking for when we\u2019re asking the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions. We\u2019ll never get a full answer to the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions; but we need the Great Physician to heal our broken heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and we think, if we get an answer, that somehow that will bring us comfort\u2014that: \u201cOh, if I understood why, then I can be at peace.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, in the case of people, who are experiencing deep depression, and they\u2019re at a point where they\u2019re no longer wanting to live\u2014if we know that\u2019s the answer\u2014I don\u2019t know that that solves anything for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had somebody, not long after your dad had died\u2014you learned of a friend, who was battling depression and had attempted suicide; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You can reach out in those moments and go, \u201cWhy would she do that?\u201d but your response\u2014I thought your response to that was very interesting. How did you respond when you got that news?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Well, I sort of cried and wailed: \u201cWhy is this world so broken that people feel this loss, this pain, this abandonment\u2014that they feel like this world is not worth living?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat is helpful for us, as Christians, is to realize that God is present with us in a suffering world\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that, in fact, it\u2019s not only that Jesus understands\u2014you know, God is not the kind of abstract philosophical God that looks at us from a distance. Jesus became human and experienced the suffering of the human body and died on a cross. But that wasn\u2019t the end of the story. He made a way on the other side\u2014after the crucifixion was resurrection. That is the hope of the Christian story\u2014that we are not <em>left<\/em> in our pain \/ we are not <em>left<\/em> in our suffering\u2014that there is more to the story\u2014that we have hope of resurrection.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I have never forgotten my dad\u2019s funeral. I mentioned earlier that I received a phone call early one morning\u2014Sunday morning\u2014that my dad had gotten up, and made himself a cup of coffee, and went back to the bedroom\u2014said he had some heartburn and lay down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the time my mom went back to see him again, he was dead; so there were no goodbyes. There was no opportunity to say anything to him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m wondering what your recollection was of the funeral; because my recollection of the funeral was: \u201cMy dad worked hard, but now he\u2019s at rest. There is no struggle; there is no more pain.\u201d What do you recall about your father\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>The main thing I remember is that my wife and I\u2014I play piano \/ I\u2019m a pianist\u2014and my wife is a worship leader. We sang and played <em>It Is Well with My Soul<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How long does it take you to get to the point where you can say that with\u2014not just by faith\u2014because you went from a period of being numb to then a period of having to kind of come, face to face, with your own emotions. Was it an <em>easy<\/em> step for you to get to where you could say, \u201cIt is well with my soul\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad that the song made me say words that I was not necessarily able to fully believe until later. I think, in some ways, that is symbolic of the church holding us\u2014that the church says, \u201cWe believe in God the Father,\u201d and that even when we are in the midst of the pain, there\u2019s a church around us that is believing on our behalf\u2014holding us up on our behalf and saying\/professing our faith and hope in Christ\u2014even when we\u2019re in the midst of the pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are no linear stages of grief. There are always cycles of\u2014you\u2019re going through different stages over and over again. You don\u2019t finish the anger stage and then move on to the acceptance stage. There\u2019s an ongoing process of grief and grieving and re-grieving over and over again. But in the midst of it all, I do think we can have hope that God is present and walking through us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Twenty years afterwards, the waves of grief are, I\u2019m imagining, farther apart and <em>less<\/em> disorienting than they were; but still regular for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>Less so now. There\u2019s\u2014to some extent, every time I\u2019m asked to talk about my dad\u2019s death, I\u2019m grieving him all over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You\u2019re back into it; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>But to the extent that it helps others\u2014share their own stories and deal with their own grief\u2014and to say, \u201cYou are not alone in this,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s worth it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething that I\u2019m grateful for is that, in the past few years, the church has spoken a little more about suicide, and depression, and mental health, partly because of the loss of Rick and Kay Warren\u2019s son, Matthew, in 2013. They lost their son to suicide. But, out of that, Kay Warren and Saddleback Church have launched mental health initiatives to help the church grapple and to help those who have been struggling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCountless lives have been saved\u2014people who have been struggling with depression, who have heard Matthew\u2019s story, who have said: \u201cI need help, and I will find hope. I will find the strength to go on.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m glad that the church is active in helping those who struggle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should say this: \u201cThe Bible actually gives a great example of suicide prevention.\u201d In the Book of Acts\u2014in Acts 16, Paul and Silas are in prison in Philippi. The earthquake happens, and they\u2019re released from their chains. The Philippian jailer is about to kill himself, because he knows he\u2019ll be held accountable. He\u2019s drawing his sword; he\u2019s about to take his own life. Paul cries out: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here.\u201d He intervenes\u2014he gives him hope \/ he gives him a reason to live\u2014and the jailer and his whole household come to Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can do the same. When we see people at risk around us, we can say: \u201cDon\u2019t harm yourself. We are all here. We are here for you,\u201d and \u201cLife is worth living,\u201d and \u201cYou don\u2019t have to take this path.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You mention in your book that they had a visitation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing you took note of was the number of family members that went near the casket and wanted to say things to your dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may not know this, but my dad died before I got a chance to say everything I wanted to say to him. It ended up with me writing a tribute to my mom and framing it and taking it to her. But I ended up writing a tribute to my dad, after he was gone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m assuming you had some of the same regrets that I had\u2014different reasons; but nonetheless, you\u2019d like to have said it. If we had the ability to seat your father across from the table right now, could you give him a tribute?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al: <\/strong>In some ways, this book that I\u2019ve written is a tribute to my dad. I would want to say to him:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have lived our lives. I have lived my life in a remembrance of you\u2014to honor you. I hope, that by telling our family story, it is helping other families in their grief.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad was a very private man\u2014he was an introvert; he did not want to call attention to himself; but I was impressed, at the funeral, how many people he was connected to that came and gave their tributes. All of our lives are interconnected in ways that we don\u2019t always realize, and the impact and ripple effects that we have is significant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLosing my dad to suicide is the hardest thing I\u2019ve ever experienced, but I hope that it has changed me in a way that has made me more available to other people in their own grief and suffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good word. That really is a good word\u2014to take something that you didn\u2019t ask for\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but to take a trauma, and not turn against God, but ask Him to use that in your life to comfort others, bring encouragement, hope, perspective\u2014and if nothing else\u2014just your presence to their lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and in that way, your book is the tribute that you\u2019re talking about to your dad. It\u2019s also a <em>needed<\/em> resource in our day for people who are grieving a suicide\u2014that\u2019s the title of the book that Al Hsu has written. You can order <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em> when you go online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FLTODAY to request your copy. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and the phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, we have some additional interaction with Al Hsu available online\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it\u2019s a podcast of continuing dialogue on the subject of suicide. That\u2019s available for you if you\u2019d like to download that or go deeper on this subject. Find the audio at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking, Dennis, of the archive of programs on difficult subjects. Through the years, we\u2019ve talked about domestic violence; we\u2019ve talked about infidelity in a marriage relationship; we\u2019ve talked about rebellious teenagers\u2014I mean, there have been programs that we\u2019ve developed over the years to help individuals \/ help couples and families with the hard issues that come at us in this life. Our goal, here, is to equip you with practical biblical help and hope for the challenges you face in your marriage and your family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, you make all of this possible for the hundreds of thousands of people who are connecting with us each week online, via radio, through our app, or those who are now connecting using their Alexa device. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re telling Alexa to \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d Once you\u2019ve built that skill into the app, it\u2019s as easy to listen as just to have Alexa serve the program up for you every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou make all of that possible for countless young couples and families every time you make a donation to support this ministry. You can donate, right now, by going to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make an online donation\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you donate, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you our 2019 FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> calendar. We have designed this, not just to be something that\u2019s beautiful to hang on your wall, but something that reminds you of Scripture each month and that points you to activities that you can do, as a family, to build togetherness. There are \u201cTogetherness Tips\u201d all through this calendar. It\u2019s our gift to you when you make a donation, so you can request it when you donate online or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. Have you ever had the situation where you\u2019ve hit \u201cSend\u201d and then regretted it? Emerson Eggerichs is going to join us Monday to talk about how we can keep that from happening\u2014what we can do before we hit \u201cSend\u201d so we don\u2019t wind up wishing we hadn\u2019t pushed that button. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. Have a great weekend. We will see you Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300401","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300401"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300401"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300401"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300401"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300401"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300401"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300401"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}