{"id":300399,"date":"2018-10-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/complicated-grief\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T23:32:33","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T03:32:33","slug":"complicated-grief","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/complicated-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Complicated Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Albert Hsu is a suicide survivor&#8211;he has grieved his own father&#8217;s suicide. Hsu talks about the effect his father&#8217;s suicide had on their family and gives us a first-hand look at this complicated loss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:19","filesize":"25.01M","filesize_raw":"26222594","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,2846,2822,2860,2873],"tags":[4564,4009,2343,4567,4125,4565,4566,6731,4562,4563,4568],"podcast_series":[7253],"cwp_profile":[9561,8854,3300],"series":[10388,2101],"class_list":["post-300399","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-depression","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-clinical-depression","tag-depression","tag-grief","tag-grieving-a-suicide","tag-loss","tag-loss-of-hope","tag-parent-suicide","tag-processing-grief","tag-suicide","tag-suicide-survivor","tag-time-of-crisis","podcast_series-grieving-a-suicide","cwp_profile-abigail-dodds","cwp_profile-albert-hsu","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-this-week","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300399\/complicated-grief","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300399\/complicated-grief","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"CvmRU9zZfe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/complicated-grief\/\">Complicated Grief<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/complicated-grief\/embed\/#?secret=CvmRU9zZfe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Complicated Grief&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"CvmRU9zZfe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a friend or a loved one chooses suicide, we can\u2019t help but ask, \u201cWhy did this happen?\u201d Albert Hsu experienced that when his father took his own life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> The search for answers to the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions is really a search for comfort. We\u2019re wondering, \u201cAre we alone in the universe now?\u201d We feel abandoned by our loved one\u2014our child, our parent, our spouse\u2014that has left in this way. It feels like this tremendous rejection, because they <em>chose<\/em> to leave. They didn\u2019t just get hit by a truck; they weren\u2019t taken by cancer\u2014they chose to abandon us or leave us in this way, so it feels like this tremendous rejection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, what do we do with those questions that continue to plague us when a friend or a loved one takes his own life? We\u2019re going to explore that today with Albert Hsu. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. As you were just praying about today\u2019s program, you talked about, \u201cThis is a delicate subject.\u201d That\u2019s what it is; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is. I don\u2019t think we realize how prevalent this is, in both the community of faith but also in the culture. I think Christians really need to grapple with this and have an answer to know how to best connect with both\u2014people of faith, who\u2019ve been impacted by suicide, or by those who are outside\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to read this quote, Bob. Dr. Jean Twenge of San Diego State University suggested that screen and social media time may have caused a jump in depression and suicide among American young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI think the reality is screens have caused us to be even lonelier\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthan we were before they came.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And loneliness and disconnectedness from other people is one of those factors that may go into somebody deciding that it\u2019s not worth continuing to live. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. And isolation is not a good state to be in; I mean, you need relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You need to be connected to people. Well, we have a guest with us today on the broadcast. Al Hsu joins us all the way from Chicago. Al, welcome to\u2014to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Al is married to Ellen since 1997\u2014has two sons, lives in Chicago, and is the senior editor of InterVarsity Press. Bob and I are grateful for your work with IVP, because of your editing skills. [Laughter] Any author needs an editor; no doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has written a book\u2014and I\u2019ve got to ask you: \u201cWhat\u2019s it like to write your own book and have somebody else edit it?\u201d or \u201cDid you let anybody edit it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Al:<\/strong> Oh, yes; every editor needs an editor as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; glad you confessed that, here, on the radio\u2014probably some of your colleagues are listening in and will remind you about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAl has written a book called <em>Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One\u2019s Search for Comfort, Answers &amp; Hope<\/em>. Your life changed because of a phone call. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. When I was about in my mid-20s, I got a phone call one Thursday morning. My wife and I had just gotten married nine months prior. We were young newlyweds. We were living in Chicago. My parents were in Minnesota, and we were about to visit them the following weekend. We were going to be visiting friends in Minnesota for a wedding, and we were going to stop in and see my folks; but then, Thursday morning, before work, the phone rang. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI couldn\u2019t guess: \u201cWhy somebody would be calling that early in the morning?\u201d I got the phone, and I heard wailing on the other side. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know what this was\u2014it was somebody crying\/wailing. She said: \u201cDaddy killed himself! Daddy killed himself!\u201d It was my mother, and I\u2014I just didn\u2019t register. I didn\u2019t understand what she was saying. \u201cDaddy? Daddy? Daddy who? My dad?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo back up, my dad was 58 years old. He was an electrical engineer, PhD, brilliant man, always very self-sufficient, self-made kind of a guy; but three months prior to this, he had had a stroke. While he survived the stroke\u2014he was doing some rehab and making some recovery\u2014he fell into a clinical depression. Over those three months since the stroke, he didn\u2019t see any purpose for life. He lost all sense of hope. My mom had gotten him to the hospital for observation; but even so, one night, he went into his room, asked not to be disturbed, and took his own life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were you\u2014were you in shock at that point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Yes; all the textbook definitions of shock\u2014I went numb; I couldn\u2019t process things. When people hear this kind of news\u2014it\u2019s what counselors call complicated grief or complicated bereavement, because we are actually dealing with two different things at once. We are both experiencing the <em>grief<\/em> of the loss, but we\u2019re also experiencing <em>trauma<\/em>. A loss by suicide is <em>traumatic<\/em> and causes trauma\u2014almost in the extent of a war experience\u2014think of soldiers with PTSD. It\u2019s that kind of violent experience that just completely shakes your world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was thinking, as you were telling your story, I received a phone call in 1976\u2014the year we started FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014and it was not my mother on the phone; it was my brother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe called me and, almost as bluntly as you described it, said, \u201cDad\u2019s dead.\u201d He had just been at our home. We had a great time together, working around the house; and I was growing up, as a young man. I was 28 years old, and I was appreciating him more and more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting how\u2014because I thought how much different it would be and the grief I felt if my dad had committed suicide\u2014which he didn\u2019t\u2014but I can imagine it really does complicate the emotional picture for a son like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Complicated grief\u2014you\u2019re dealing with two realities at once. It\u2019s both the normal grief of the loss that we would be feeling, no matter how our loved one died; but then there is also the additional shock and trauma. One is bad enough as it is, but combined\u2014it\u2019s like a one-two punch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it had to be disorienting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you\u2019re wanting answers to what you may never get answers for in that moment; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right; right. There is kind of a questioning that goes on. First of all, survivors are always saying: \u201cWhy didn\u2019t I see this coming? I should have done something to prevent this. I should have seen the signs.\u201d Then we are also asking, \u201cHow could this happen?\u201d We\u2019re asking survivor\u2019s guilt questions\u2014we feel like we\u2019re responsible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom was a nurse, and she was acting as my dad\u2019s caregiver during the months after his stroke; so she did caregiver type things. She did the right things\u2014watching out for him. She saw him slipping into depression. She got weapons out of the house. Even though she did all the right things, she wasn\u2019t able to prevent the suicide; so she felt tremendous survivor\u2019s guilt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Had you ever had any conversations with your dad about his depression, and how deep it was, and how dark that valley was for him? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Not prior to his death\u2014no; I had not realized the extent of his actual depression. I knew he had been feeling low. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had had some phone calls and conversations in those months; but no, I had not realized. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You decided to go back home then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On your way, you stopped by your office; but you didn\u2019t want to go inside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> I couldn\u2019t face people. Suicide is the kind of thing that divides your life into a before and after. Prior to it, life is normal and fine; and everything\u2014you just go through life. After suicide, you question everything; and you don\u2019t understand: \u201cHow can people go through this life? How can we make sense of a world that is so broken\/so painful that somebody would want to end their own life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think part of what we\u2019re struggling with in these moments is we\u2019ve all had days or periods, where we\u2019ve thought, \u201cLife isn\u2019t going the way I want it to go, and I\u2019m not happy with what\u2019s going on in my life right now\u201d; but we\u2019ve never gotten ourselves to a point\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or at least, if we have, it\u2019s been, maybe, momentary, where we\u2019ve thought, \u201cI\u2019d just like to end it all.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had a moment in your life, even prior to this, where you thought about suicide? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> I had some teenage times of depression. Depression and feeling down are very common. We shouldn\u2019t\u2014we should validate that and say, \u201cMany, many people experience depression.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was almost comforted to realize how common suicide is. Once, after my dad\u2019s death, I realized\u2014I learned that, at the time, there were something like 30,000 suicides in the U.S. every year; now, it\u2019s over 40,000. That number is probably under-reported, because there are a lot of suicides that are disguised as accidents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach one of those suicides leaves behind six to ten immediate survivors\u2014parents, children, loved ones, spouses\u2014that are immediately affected by that suicide. That\u2019s hundreds of thousands of people every year that are going through this kind of grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was an odd kind of comfort to know I was not alone in this particular kind of loss\u2014there were others that had experienced this kind of loss as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you wonder how much suicide ideation there is that never ends in suicide. I mean, how many people contemplate or consider suicide? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Well, there are hundreds of thousands suicide attempts every year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> So, it is fairly common. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about 100 people a day that are successful, though; I mean, that is a big number. Again, there are people of faith that end up doing this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell us about your father\u2019s spiritual journey. Did he have a relationship with God?\u2014with Christ? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Well, I should back up and say that it is true that suicide and depression affect Christians just as much as the general population; so there is very little difference. Christians get depressed just as much as everybody else\u2014just like Christians get cancer and diabetes like everybody else\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so, yes, we are not immune. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the problems I think\u2014particularly in the church\u2014is that we are in a bit of a state of denial or, at least, Christians often try to over-spiritualize\u2014we want to say: \u201cWell, if you are having trouble. You just need to pray more, believe more, [and] hope more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t always acknowledge that there may be biomedical challenges going on in the brain. There are sometimes biological reasons that people get depressed. I think the church is a little bit more aware in the past few years\u2014that we\u2019ve had a little more awareness of mental health and the realities of mental health issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have attended a number of funerals in my lifetime. Among the most memorable were those where it was a young person, who committed suicide\u2014very, very sober; very troubling to attend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just raises all kinds of questions among those who are attending. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for a pastor, it has to be one of the more challenging services to ever lead in your lifetime. It\u2019s back to what you are talking about earlier. I don\u2019t think the Christian community knows how to handle this. I think it\u2019s a lot like when somebody dies\u2014period\u2014people don\u2019t know what to say \/ how to comfort another person, who has lost their husband\/lost a child; but when it becomes this double hurt of suicide, they <em>really<\/em> don\u2019t know how to comfort. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> And pastors often wonder, \u201cWhat do I say at the funeral of suicide?\u201d One image that has been helpful for some pastors is the image of a soldier, who falls in battle, in fighting their own civil war\u2014that people who die by suicide are often caught between the desire to live and the desire to die.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the desire to die outweighs the desire to live, in that moment\/in that season, that\u2019s when a suicide might happen. We can grieve our loved ones as they fell on their own battlefield. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a quote from a book by Willa Cather, <em>My \u00c1ntonia<\/em>\u2014there is a prayer during a funeral\u2014and the prayer that is prayed is: \u201cOh, Great and Just God, no man among us knows but the sleeper knows, nor is it for us to judge what lies between him and Thee.\u201d In some ways, that\u2019s often where we need to leave things\u2014in the hands of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s hard to do; isn\u2019t it?\u2014to leave things there when the perplexing question of: \u201cWhy?\u201d of \u201cWhat could I have done?\u201d \u201cHow?\u201d\u2014all of that continues to plague you for months, on end, after a funeral is over; doesn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Oh, yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe \u201cWhy?\u201d questions happen at two different levels, I think. At one level, there is sort of the: \u201cWhat were the causes? What were the factors? What triggered this? Did I do something? Did I miss something?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt a deeper level, the search for answers to the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions is really a search for comfort. We\u2019re wondering: \u201cAm I alone in this? Am I abandoned in this? Does God still care? Does God still exist? How could this have happened?\u201d We are wondering, \u201cAre we alone in the universe now?\u201d We feel abandoned by our loved one\u2014our child, our parent, our spouse\u2014that has left in this way. It feels like this tremendous rejection, because they <em>chose<\/em> to leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> They didn\u2019t just get hit by a truck; they weren\u2019t taken by cancer\u2014they <em>chose<\/em> to abandon us or leave us in this way, so it feels like this tremendous rejection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard some people describe it as worse than divorce. Divorce is a rejection, but a suicide is a rejection that leaves no opportunity to have any dialogue\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014any discourse\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014on a human level. Did you feel that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> I did feel the sense of: \u201cIf my dad had really loved me, he wouldn\u2019t have done this. How could he have left me in this way? How could he have abandoned me?\u201d So, yes; suicide survivors do feel this mix of guilt, shame, rejection, pain, abandonment. It\u2019s all swirling together in this mix. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething that suicide survivors need to be very aware of is that we have a heightened risk for suicide for ourselves. Some loved ones will want to reenact the loved one\u2019s final steps. They are trying to understand, \u201cHow could they have done this?\u201d A mom might stand in front of the mirror, holding the gun and wonder: \u201cWhat did my son do? How did it feel?\u201d or they might stand on a balcony ledge and look and imagine their child jumping. Some suicide survivors do fall into self-destructive habits of alcohol or drug use to try to numb the pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf anybody is grieving and struggling with those things, I encourage them: \u201cPlease get help. Please find people to surround you, to keep an eye on you, and to not let yourself fall into those kinds of destructive patterns.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If a friend of yours called you today and said: \u201cIt just happened in our family. My wife\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy dad\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy son just took their own life\u201d; and you had two minutes to talk to them and just say, \u201cOkay; here\u2019s the most important thing I can tell you in this moment,\u201d\u2014what would you say?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> As I interviewed other suicide survivors, the two things that they wanted to say to others\u2014the first and most important one is: \u201cIt was not your fault. You did not do this. You did not <em>cause<\/em> this. They chose this for whatever reason, and we may never know, ultimately, why that happened.\u201d The survivors\u2019 guilt is so strong in cases like this, and people just need to hear and to know: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cYou did not do this to them. It\u2019s not your fault.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing to know is: \u201cYou are not alone. There are others who have walked this path. There are others who grieve with you,\u201d\u2014and to encourage people to surround themselves with community, friends, church\u2014others that can walk through this with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I think that\u2019s an important thing to underline here. I\u2019ve been reading in the Psalms. I am <em>amazed<\/em> at how many times God says: \u201cI am your help. I am your refuge. I am here. I am with you.\u201d God gives us the promise of His presence. I think we, as human beings, forget how powerful our presence\u2014as fellow strugglers in the journey\u2014how important our presence can be to a person, who has just experienced the loss of a loved one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because of suicide. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are wondering what to do, the best gift that you could possibly, I think, begin to give that other person\u2014I want you to comment on this, Al\u2014seems to me to be: \u201cYou know, I\u2019d just like to come and be with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Yes; presence is important and not to presume to have the answers. I love the Book of Psalms, because the Psalms give us a model in what are called the Psalms of Lament. A significant portion of Psalms\u2014a third or more of the Psalms\u2014are psalms, where the psalmists cry out their pain to God. They are raw, and they are vulnerable. They tell it like it is\u2014they are not sugar-coating things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Al:<\/strong> They\u2019re not hiding things in religious language. The beauty of the Psalms of Lament is that it gives a structure to our grief. Grief, by its very nature, is this formless, nebulous kind of thing. We sort of go in cycles; and go over things over, and over, and over again; and we feel lost in a fog. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe psalmists in the Psalms of Lament\u2014it was a way of ordering Israel\u2019s grief\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that we bring our pain to God, and we cry out: \u201cLord, the world is not the way it\u2019s supposed to be. This loss, this pain, this grief is not the way You intended the world to be; and we grieve that \/ we lament that. We wish it were not so.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn doing so, it gets out all the pain that we\u2019re feeling. It\u2019s\u2014a modern-day way of saying it would be: \u201cIt\u2019s how they processed things. It\u2019s a way of processing.\u201d\u00a0 So what\u2014it gets out on the outside what\u2019s going on inside. I love how Scripture gives us the permission to grieve. Sometimes, Christians think: \u201cOh, I should just have a stiff upper lip. I shouldn\u2019t be grieving,\u201d but Jesus tells us that we should grieve: \u201cBlessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted.\u201d Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And cries out from the cross\u2014Psalm 22: \u201cMy God, why have You forsaken Me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Yes; then the beauty of the Psalms of Lament is that, half way through the Psalms, there is a pivot; and we say: \u201cBut yet, I will remember You. But yet, I still have my hope in You. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI still place my trust in You.\u201d Then there is this recounting of: \u201cYou\u2019ve been faithful to us in the past.\u201d So, based on who God is and what He has done in the past, we can entrust\u2014<em>even<\/em> this great pain \/ even this awful world, where people die by their own hand\u2014we can entrust that to God. We can trust that God hears our cry and will respond. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Death is interesting. It\u2019s a great apologetic for the existence of God, because only God could produce hope in such a dark place; but read the Psalms. You\u2019ll find the God, who is a refuge\u2014our fortress, our foundation, our hope. His Word is sure; His promises are certain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You may not experience it at the moment of the grief, but you will experience His presence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were talking about the power and the significance of presence\u2014and being there for someone else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am thinking, for a listener, who knows someone who has experienced a suicide\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014this would be a great book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but to offer the book\u2014not just \u201cHere\u2019s a book for you\u201d\u2014but to say: \u201cHere\u2019s a book, and I\u2019m here for you. I\u2019d love to read through this with you. I\u2019d love to help enter into this with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we\u2019ve got copies of the book, <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em>, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can order it from us when you go online. We also have an extended conversation with our guest\u2014with Al Hsu. You can download the file as we talked about some of the pitfalls of remembering the events of the suicide \/ remembering the family. We talk about how you explain suicide to a child. Again, that\u2019s some bonus content that is online as we are going to continue this conversation with Al Hsu. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the book, <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em>, or to download the bonus audio. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also order the book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve been talking about tough subjects this week\u2014talking about opioid addiction \/ talking about suicide. One of the things we try to do, here, at FamilyLife is dive into some of the subjects that can rock a marriage or a family and to bring practical biblical help and hope in the midst of that situation. Every day, this program is reaching hundreds of thousands of people, all around the world, who are listening online, listening on their local radio station, using our app. Many have started listening by asking Alexa to \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u201d for them. That\u2019s a skill that you can add in your Alexa app. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make the reach of this program possible\u2014those of you who are making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for your friends and neighbors\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and for people you may never meet this side of eternity. If you\u2019re a Legacy Partner or an occasional contributor to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, that\u2019s what your contributions are doing. You\u2019re helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families that change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation, we\u2019d love to have you join the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> team. If you\u2019re not yet a Legacy Partner, we\u2019d love to have you join with that group of regular contributors to this ministry. You can do either when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a one-time donation or become a monthly Legacy Partner. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have our 2019 FamilyLife calendar that is just now available. We\u2019re starting to send it out to folks. This is a calendar that helps promote <em>togetherness<\/em> in your family throughout the year. The calendar is our gift to you when you support the ministry with a donation this month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to ask for the Togetherness Calendar when you make your donation, and we appreciate your partnership with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you\u2019ll join us back again tomorrow as we continue to talk about how you can help those who are grieving a suicide or how you can find comfort for own your soul if someone you know has taken his or her own life. Al Hsu will be back with us tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:19"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.01M"],"filesize_raw":["26222594"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300399.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300399.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Albert Hsu is a suicide survivor--he has grieved his own father's suicide. Hsu talks about the effect his father's suicide had on their family and gives us a first-hand look at this complicated loss.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-10-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a friend or a loved one chooses suicide, we can\u2019t help but ask, \u201cWhy did this happen?\u201d Albert Hsu experienced that when his father took his own life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> The search for answers to the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions is really a search for comfort. We\u2019re wondering, \u201cAre we alone in the universe now?\u201d We feel abandoned by our loved one\u2014our child, our parent, our spouse\u2014that has left in this way. It feels like this tremendous rejection, because they <em>chose<\/em> to leave. They didn\u2019t just get hit by a truck; they weren\u2019t taken by cancer\u2014they chose to abandon us or leave us in this way, so it feels like this tremendous rejection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. So, what do we do with those questions that continue to plague us when a friend or a loved one takes his own life? We\u2019re going to explore that today with Albert Hsu. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. As you were just praying about today\u2019s program, you talked about, \u201cThis is a delicate subject.\u201d That\u2019s what it is; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It really is. I don\u2019t think we realize how prevalent this is, in both the community of faith but also in the culture. I think Christians really need to grapple with this and have an answer to know how to best connect with both\u2014people of faith, who\u2019ve been impacted by suicide, or by those who are outside\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014the faith. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to read this quote, Bob. Dr. Jean Twenge of San Diego State University suggested that screen and social media time may have caused a jump in depression and suicide among American young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI think the reality is screens have caused us to be even lonelier\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthan we were before they came.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And loneliness and disconnectedness from other people is one of those factors that may go into somebody deciding that it\u2019s not worth continuing to live. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. And isolation is not a good state to be in; I mean, you need relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You need to be connected to people. Well, we have a guest with us today on the broadcast. Al Hsu joins us all the way from Chicago. Al, welcome to\u2014to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Al is married to Ellen since 1997\u2014has two sons, lives in Chicago, and is the senior editor of InterVarsity Press. Bob and I are grateful for your work with IVP, because of your editing skills. [Laughter] Any author needs an editor; no doubt about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe has written a book\u2014and I\u2019ve got to ask you: \u201cWhat\u2019s it like to write your own book and have somebody else edit it?\u201d or \u201cDid you let anybody edit it?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Al:<\/strong> Oh, yes; every editor needs an editor as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; glad you confessed that, here, on the radio\u2014probably some of your colleagues are listening in and will remind you about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAl has written a book called <em>Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One\u2019s Search for Comfort, Answers &amp; Hope<\/em>. Your life changed because of a phone call. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. When I was about in my mid-20s, I got a phone call one Thursday morning. My wife and I had just gotten married nine months prior. We were young newlyweds. We were living in Chicago. My parents were in Minnesota, and we were about to visit them the following weekend. We were going to be visiting friends in Minnesota for a wedding, and we were going to stop in and see my folks; but then, Thursday morning, before work, the phone rang. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI couldn\u2019t guess: \u201cWhy somebody would be calling that early in the morning?\u201d I got the phone, and I heard wailing on the other side. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know what this was\u2014it was somebody crying\/wailing. She said: \u201cDaddy killed himself! Daddy killed himself!\u201d It was my mother, and I\u2014I just didn\u2019t register. I didn\u2019t understand what she was saying. \u201cDaddy? Daddy? Daddy who? My dad?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo back up, my dad was 58 years old. He was an electrical engineer, PhD, brilliant man, always very self-sufficient, self-made kind of a guy; but three months prior to this, he had had a stroke. While he survived the stroke\u2014he was doing some rehab and making some recovery\u2014he fell into a clinical depression. Over those three months since the stroke, he didn\u2019t see any purpose for life. He lost all sense of hope. My mom had gotten him to the hospital for observation; but even so, one night, he went into his room, asked not to be disturbed, and took his own life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Were you\u2014were you in shock at that point? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Yes; all the textbook definitions of shock\u2014I went numb; I couldn\u2019t process things. When people hear this kind of news\u2014it\u2019s what counselors call complicated grief or complicated bereavement, because we are actually dealing with two different things at once. We are both experiencing the <em>grief<\/em> of the loss, but we\u2019re also experiencing <em>trauma<\/em>. A loss by suicide is <em>traumatic<\/em> and causes trauma\u2014almost in the extent of a war experience\u2014think of soldiers with PTSD. It\u2019s that kind of violent experience that just completely shakes your world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was thinking, as you were telling your story, I received a phone call in 1976\u2014the year we started FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014and it was not my mother on the phone; it was my brother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe called me and, almost as bluntly as you described it, said, \u201cDad\u2019s dead.\u201d He had just been at our home. We had a great time together, working around the house; and I was growing up, as a young man. I was 28 years old, and I was appreciating him more and more. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting how\u2014because I thought how much different it would be and the grief I felt if my dad had committed suicide\u2014which he didn\u2019t\u2014but I can imagine it really does complicate the emotional picture for a son like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. Complicated grief\u2014you\u2019re dealing with two realities at once. It\u2019s both the normal grief of the loss that we would be feeling, no matter how our loved one died; but then there is also the additional shock and trauma. One is bad enough as it is, but combined\u2014it\u2019s like a one-two punch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it had to be disorienting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, you\u2019re wanting answers to what you may never get answers for in that moment; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right; right. There is kind of a questioning that goes on. First of all, survivors are always saying: \u201cWhy didn\u2019t I see this coming? I should have done something to prevent this. I should have seen the signs.\u201d Then we are also asking, \u201cHow could this happen?\u201d We\u2019re asking survivor\u2019s guilt questions\u2014we feel like we\u2019re responsible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom was a nurse, and she was acting as my dad\u2019s caregiver during the months after his stroke; so she did caregiver type things. She did the right things\u2014watching out for him. She saw him slipping into depression. She got weapons out of the house. Even though she did all the right things, she wasn\u2019t able to prevent the suicide; so she felt tremendous survivor\u2019s guilt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Had you ever had any conversations with your dad about his depression, and how deep it was, and how dark that valley was for him? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Not prior to his death\u2014no; I had not realized the extent of his actual depression. I knew he had been feeling low. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had had some phone calls and conversations in those months; but no, I had not realized. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You decided to go back home then. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On your way, you stopped by your office; but you didn\u2019t want to go inside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> I couldn\u2019t face people. Suicide is the kind of thing that divides your life into a before and after. Prior to it, life is normal and fine; and everything\u2014you just go through life. After suicide, you question everything; and you don\u2019t understand: \u201cHow can people go through this life? How can we make sense of a world that is so broken\/so painful that somebody would want to end their own life?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think part of what we\u2019re struggling with in these moments is we\u2019ve all had days or periods, where we\u2019ve thought, \u201cLife isn\u2019t going the way I want it to go, and I\u2019m not happy with what\u2019s going on in my life right now\u201d; but we\u2019ve never gotten ourselves to a point\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014or at least, if we have, it\u2019s been, maybe, momentary, where we\u2019ve thought, \u201cI\u2019d just like to end it all.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou had a moment in your life, even prior to this, where you thought about suicide? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> I had some teenage times of depression. Depression and feeling down are very common. We shouldn\u2019t\u2014we should validate that and say, \u201cMany, many people experience depression.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was almost comforted to realize how common suicide is. Once, after my dad\u2019s death, I realized\u2014I learned that, at the time, there were something like 30,000 suicides in the U.S. every year; now, it\u2019s over 40,000. That number is probably under-reported, because there are a lot of suicides that are disguised as accidents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach one of those suicides leaves behind six to ten immediate survivors\u2014parents, children, loved ones, spouses\u2014that are immediately affected by that suicide. That\u2019s hundreds of thousands of people every year that are going through this kind of grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was an odd kind of comfort to know I was not alone in this particular kind of loss\u2014there were others that had experienced this kind of loss as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you wonder how much suicide ideation there is that never ends in suicide. I mean, how many people contemplate or consider suicide? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Well, there are hundreds of thousands suicide attempts every year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> So, it is fairly common. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019re talking about 100 people a day that are successful, though; I mean, that is a big number. Again, there are people of faith that end up doing this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTell us about your father\u2019s spiritual journey. Did he have a relationship with God?\u2014with Christ? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Well, I should back up and say that it is true that suicide and depression affect Christians just as much as the general population; so there is very little difference. Christians get depressed just as much as everybody else\u2014just like Christians get cancer and diabetes like everybody else\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014so, yes, we are not immune. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the problems I think\u2014particularly in the church\u2014is that we are in a bit of a state of denial or, at least, Christians often try to over-spiritualize\u2014we want to say: \u201cWell, if you are having trouble. You just need to pray more, believe more, [and] hope more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe don\u2019t always acknowledge that there may be biomedical challenges going on in the brain. There are sometimes biological reasons that people get depressed. I think the church is a little bit more aware in the past few years\u2014that we\u2019ve had a little more awareness of mental health and the realities of mental health issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I have attended a number of funerals in my lifetime. Among the most memorable were those where it was a young person, who committed suicide\u2014very, very sober; very troubling to attend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt just raises all kinds of questions among those who are attending. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for a pastor, it has to be one of the more challenging services to ever lead in your lifetime. It\u2019s back to what you are talking about earlier. I don\u2019t think the Christian community knows how to handle this. I think it\u2019s a lot like when somebody dies\u2014period\u2014people don\u2019t know what to say \/ how to comfort another person, who has lost their husband\/lost a child; but when it becomes this double hurt of suicide, they <em>really<\/em> don\u2019t know how to comfort. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> And pastors often wonder, \u201cWhat do I say at the funeral of suicide?\u201d One image that has been helpful for some pastors is the image of a soldier, who falls in battle, in fighting their own civil war\u2014that people who die by suicide are often caught between the desire to live and the desire to die.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the desire to die outweighs the desire to live, in that moment\/in that season, that\u2019s when a suicide might happen. We can grieve our loved ones as they fell on their own battlefield. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s a quote from a book by Willa Cather, <em>My \u00c1ntonia<\/em>\u2014there is a prayer during a funeral\u2014and the prayer that is prayed is: \u201cOh, Great and Just God, no man among us knows but the sleeper knows, nor is it for us to judge what lies between him and Thee.\u201d In some ways, that\u2019s often where we need to leave things\u2014in the hands of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s hard to do; isn\u2019t it?\u2014to leave things there when the perplexing question of: \u201cWhy?\u201d of \u201cWhat could I have done?\u201d \u201cHow?\u201d\u2014all of that continues to plague you for months, on end, after a funeral is over; doesn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Oh, yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe \u201cWhy?\u201d questions happen at two different levels, I think. At one level, there is sort of the: \u201cWhat were the causes? What were the factors? What triggered this? Did I do something? Did I miss something?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt a deeper level, the search for answers to the \u201cWhy?\u201d questions is really a search for comfort. We\u2019re wondering: \u201cAm I alone in this? Am I abandoned in this? Does God still care? Does God still exist? How could this have happened?\u201d We are wondering, \u201cAre we alone in the universe now?\u201d We feel abandoned by our loved one\u2014our child, our parent, our spouse\u2014that has left in this way. It feels like this tremendous rejection, because they <em>chose<\/em> to leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> They didn\u2019t just get hit by a truck; they weren\u2019t taken by cancer\u2014they <em>chose<\/em> to abandon us or leave us in this way, so it feels like this tremendous rejection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard some people describe it as worse than divorce. Divorce is a rejection, but a suicide is a rejection that leaves no opportunity to have any dialogue\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014any discourse\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014on a human level. Did you feel that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> I did feel the sense of: \u201cIf my dad had really loved me, he wouldn\u2019t have done this. How could he have left me in this way? How could he have abandoned me?\u201d So, yes; suicide survivors do feel this mix of guilt, shame, rejection, pain, abandonment. It\u2019s all swirling together in this mix. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething that suicide survivors need to be very aware of is that we have a heightened risk for suicide for ourselves. Some loved ones will want to reenact the loved one\u2019s final steps. They are trying to understand, \u201cHow could they have done this?\u201d A mom might stand in front of the mirror, holding the gun and wonder: \u201cWhat did my son do? How did it feel?\u201d or they might stand on a balcony ledge and look and imagine their child jumping. Some suicide survivors do fall into self-destructive habits of alcohol or drug use to try to numb the pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf anybody is grieving and struggling with those things, I encourage them: \u201cPlease get help. Please find people to surround you, to keep an eye on you, and to not let yourself fall into those kinds of destructive patterns.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If a friend of yours called you today and said: \u201cIt just happened in our family. My wife\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy dad\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy son just took their own life\u201d; and you had two minutes to talk to them and just say, \u201cOkay; here\u2019s the most important thing I can tell you in this moment,\u201d\u2014what would you say?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> As I interviewed other suicide survivors, the two things that they wanted to say to others\u2014the first and most important one is: \u201cIt was not your fault. You did not do this. You did not <em>cause<\/em> this. They chose this for whatever reason, and we may never know, ultimately, why that happened.\u201d The survivors\u2019 guilt is so strong in cases like this, and people just need to hear and to know: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cYou did not do this to them. It\u2019s not your fault.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing to know is: \u201cYou are not alone. There are others who have walked this path. There are others who grieve with you,\u201d\u2014and to encourage people to surround themselves with community, friends, church\u2014others that can walk through this with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I think that\u2019s an important thing to underline here. I\u2019ve been reading in the Psalms. I am <em>amazed<\/em> at how many times God says: \u201cI am your help. I am your refuge. I am here. I am with you.\u201d God gives us the promise of His presence. I think we, as human beings, forget how powerful our presence\u2014as fellow strugglers in the journey\u2014how important our presence can be to a person, who has just experienced the loss of a loved one\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014because of suicide. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are wondering what to do, the best gift that you could possibly, I think, begin to give that other person\u2014I want you to comment on this, Al\u2014seems to me to be: \u201cYou know, I\u2019d just like to come and be with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Yes; presence is important and not to presume to have the answers. I love the Book of Psalms, because the Psalms give us a model in what are called the Psalms of Lament. A significant portion of Psalms\u2014a third or more of the Psalms\u2014are psalms, where the psalmists cry out their pain to God. They are raw, and they are vulnerable. They tell it like it is\u2014they are not sugar-coating things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Al:<\/strong> They\u2019re not hiding things in religious language. The beauty of the Psalms of Lament is that it gives a structure to our grief. Grief, by its very nature, is this formless, nebulous kind of thing. We sort of go in cycles; and go over things over, and over, and over again; and we feel lost in a fog. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe psalmists in the Psalms of Lament\u2014it was a way of ordering Israel\u2019s grief\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that we bring our pain to God, and we cry out: \u201cLord, the world is not the way it\u2019s supposed to be. This loss, this pain, this grief is not the way You intended the world to be; and we grieve that \/ we lament that. We wish it were not so.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn doing so, it gets out all the pain that we\u2019re feeling. It\u2019s\u2014a modern-day way of saying it would be: \u201cIt\u2019s how they processed things. It\u2019s a way of processing.\u201d\u00a0 So what\u2014it gets out on the outside what\u2019s going on inside. I love how Scripture gives us the permission to grieve. Sometimes, Christians think: \u201cOh, I should just have a stiff upper lip. I shouldn\u2019t be grieving,\u201d but Jesus tells us that we should grieve: \u201cBlessed are those who mourn, because they will be comforted.\u201d Jesus weeps at the tomb of Lazarus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And cries out from the cross\u2014Psalm 22: \u201cMy God, why have You forsaken Me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Al:<\/strong> Yes; then the beauty of the Psalms of Lament is that, half way through the Psalms, there is a pivot; and we say: \u201cBut yet, I will remember You. But yet, I still have my hope in You. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cI still place my trust in You.\u201d Then there is this recounting of: \u201cYou\u2019ve been faithful to us in the past.\u201d So, based on who God is and what He has done in the past, we can entrust\u2014<em>even<\/em> this great pain \/ even this awful world, where people die by their own hand\u2014we can entrust that to God. We can trust that God hears our cry and will respond. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Death is interesting. It\u2019s a great apologetic for the existence of God, because only God could produce hope in such a dark place; but read the Psalms. You\u2019ll find the God, who is a refuge\u2014our fortress, our foundation, our hope. His Word is sure; His promises are certain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You may not experience it at the moment of the grief, but you will experience His presence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were talking about the power and the significance of presence\u2014and being there for someone else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am thinking, for a listener, who knows someone who has experienced a suicide\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014this would be a great book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but to offer the book\u2014not just \u201cHere\u2019s a book for you\u201d\u2014but to say: \u201cHere\u2019s a book, and I\u2019m here for you. I\u2019d love to read through this with you. I\u2019d love to help enter into this with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we\u2019ve got copies of the book, <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em>, on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com; and you can order it from us when you go online. We also have an extended conversation with our guest\u2014with Al Hsu. You can download the file as we talked about some of the pitfalls of remembering the events of the suicide \/ remembering the family. We talk about how you explain suicide to a child. Again, that\u2019s some bonus content that is online as we are going to continue this conversation with Al Hsu. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the book, <em>Grieving a Suicide<\/em>, or to download the bonus audio. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also order the book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we\u2019ve been talking about tough subjects this week\u2014talking about opioid addiction \/ talking about suicide. One of the things we try to do, here, at FamilyLife is dive into some of the subjects that can rock a marriage or a family and to bring practical biblical help and hope in the midst of that situation. Every day, this program is reaching hundreds of thousands of people, all around the world, who are listening online, listening on their local radio station, using our app. Many have started listening by asking Alexa to \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u201d for them. That\u2019s a skill that you can add in your Alexa app. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make the reach of this program possible\u2014those of you who are making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for your friends and neighbors\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and for people you may never meet this side of eternity. If you\u2019re a Legacy Partner or an occasional contributor to the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, that\u2019s what your contributions are doing. You\u2019re helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families that change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never made a donation, we\u2019d love to have you join the <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> team. If you\u2019re not yet a Legacy Partner, we\u2019d love to have you join with that group of regular contributors to this ministry. You can do either when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014make a one-time donation or become a monthly Legacy Partner. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have our 2019 FamilyLife calendar that is just now available. We\u2019re starting to send it out to folks. This is a calendar that helps promote <em>togetherness<\/em> in your family throughout the year. The calendar is our gift to you when you support the ministry with a donation this month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to ask for the Togetherness Calendar when you make your donation, and we appreciate your partnership with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you\u2019ll join us back again tomorrow as we continue to talk about how you can help those who are grieving a suicide or how you can find comfort for own your soul if someone you know has taken his or her own life. Al Hsu will be back with us tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300399","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300399"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300399"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300399"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300399"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300399"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300399"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300399"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}