{"id":300389,"date":"2018-09-27T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-09-27T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/smartphone-detox\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:34","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:34","slug":"smartphone-detox","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/smartphone-detox\/","title":{"rendered":"Smartphone Detox"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>David Eaton encourages parents to talk to their kids about appropriate cell phone usage. Eaton reminds parents it&#8217;s not so much about how to use the phone but why we use it.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:05","filesize":"22.96M","filesize_raw":"24077981","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10350,2855,2870],"tags":[4554,4552,4557,2988,2989,4556,4487,4551,4555,4553],"podcast_series":[7251],"cwp_profile":[3539],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300389","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-digital-and-media-choices","category-teens","category-tweens","tag-appropriate-cell-phone-usage","tag-children-and-smartphones","tag-help-parents","tag-parenting-advice","tag-pornography","tag-safe-online","tag-sexting","tag-smartphone","tag-teaching-responsibility","tag-teens-and-smartphones","podcast_series-smart-phones-for-smart-families","cwp_profile-david-eaton","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300389\/smartphone-detox","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300389\/smartphone-detox","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"O0DYSGNvL1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/smartphone-detox\/\">Smartphone Detox<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/smartphone-detox\/embed\/#?secret=O0DYSGNvL1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Smartphone Detox&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"O0DYSGNvL1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A smartphone is a device that can lead to all kinds of opportunities and all kinds of danger. As a parent, what can you do to make sure your son or daughter is ready to use their smartphone properly? Here\u2019s David Eaton. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> When your 16-year-old gets a driver\u2019s license, they have to go through <em>hours<\/em> of driving with you in the passenger seat, written tests, governmental test, actual driving test, driving during the day \/ driving at night. There are so many\u2014it\u2019s legislated; right? And there is so much pressure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you get a kid a smartphone, there is <em>none<\/em> of that training. As a parent, when you have the smartphone, the idea is like: \u201cWhat can the driver\u2019s ed for my smartphone for my kid be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to have a device discussion today and talk about how you can make sure your teens are handling their devices well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not just your teens, by the way. We\u2019ll talk about <em>your<\/em> use of your device. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m putting my phone away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was about to say: \u201cHere I am\u2014we\u2019re starting <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your phone is showing, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re on your phone; the guest is on his laptop. I\u2019m fully engaged with the program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, give me a break! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI am here, <em>all in<\/em>; and you guys are\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You would have made a great Pharisee, Bob. [Laughter] I\u2019m glad God redeemed you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014I had dinner with our guest last night. We had a meal together, and I told him he needed to go home and check out the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> online video series that we\u2019ve got. He\u2019s familiar with your book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, which has just come out. I said, \u201cIf you do that, we\u2019ll let you on the radio tomorrow.\u201d He did, and that\u2019s why he\u2019s on today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He is here. David Eaton joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. David, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>David:<\/strong> Hey, everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t know that I was putting that hurdle\u2014if you didn\u2019t come home and do the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, we weren\u2019t letting you on today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t know that, but I\u2019m glad I know that I passed your test. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, our listeners likely remember David from having been on our broadcast a little over a year ago, as I recall. He is the co-founder of Axis, which was formed 11 years ago to help parents know how to navigate the digital world with their preteens and teens; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> David is married to Lindsey and has three children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, when it came time for Barbara and me to write our book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, we were writing a section of the book on character. We thought, \u201cMan, we need a chapter in here on technology; because if there is anything today that has the power for good or the power for evil\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat will shape the character of your child in one way or another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly\u2014and your children\u2019s parents, too, by the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit\u2019s technology.\u201d I thought, \u201cWho have we had on the broadcast who could do this?\u201d I thought of David and his team at Axis. I thought, \u201cI need to call him on the phone\u201d; so I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember getting this phone call? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And here we are\u2014yes; it was a good day; it was a good day. I was like, \u201cHi, Dennis, how are you doing?\u201d Then, I called the team in and said: \u201cHey, we get to write this chapter. Let\u2019s do it,\u201d because there are so many questions like: \u201cWhen should I get my kid a phone?\u201d and \u201cShould there be phone privacy?\u201d and \u201cI always feel like the bad guy,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s just such an incredible tool that\u2019s taking the world over.\u201d It was such a fun chapter to write. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, my challenge to him, Bob, was\u2014I said: \u201cI want some uranium. [Laughter] I want something that is compact, tight, and gives parents the edge of being on top of this. Can you do it?!\u201d So, Bob, I\u2019m holding the chapter right here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s in the book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is it uranium? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s plutonium! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Plutonium?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s plutonium. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s radioactive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. So, David, you began the chapter by talking about how you guys, as a team, speak to tens of thousands of teenagers; and you\u2019re connecting with tens of thousands of parents, as well, every year. What are you seeing today when it comes to handling smartphones? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, I think the big question is: \u201cShould I get my kid a smartphone?\u201d and \u201cIf I should, when should I get it for them?\u201d When a parent asks that question, usually, it\u2019s because they are feeling pressure because other little kids have these phones; right? One of the things we ask parents is: \u201cWho is your greatest competition out there in raising your kids?\u201d You know what parents say to me? They say, \u201cOur greatest competition is <em>other<\/em> parents,\u201d\u2014the peer pressure from other parents. They\u2019ll say: \u201cOh, the Lepines\u2014their kids are 11 years old, and they have phones. So, therefore, we, as the Raineys\u201d\u2014if we have 11-year-olds\u2014\u201cwe should get a phone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, kids have been doing this\u2014you did this ploy when you were growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Absolutely! You\u2019ve got to divide and conquer. You know what I\u2019m saying?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But parents are leaving the gate open with their children, and it\u2019s not necessarily the Christian parents that are. You could do a good job with your kids, but the problem is your kid\u2019s going to be exposed to dozens of other devices that other kids are carrying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right; and that\u2019s one of the secrets\u2014is that just because you don\u2019t get your kid a phone doesn\u2019t mean they won\u2019t have access to a smartphone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> If they have a friend who has a smartphone\u2014which they\u2019ll have\u2014so you have to train your kid with the understanding of like: \u201cSomeday, I\u2019m going to give them a phone; but then, even if I don\u2019t, I have to prepare them to know what to do when their friend slides a phone in front of them and says, \u2018Hey, look at this.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the first things that we think about is\u2014if you say, \u201cWhat age should I give my kid a phone?\u201d\u2014you\u2019re asking the wrong question or it is assuming the wrong thing; because it\u2019s this idea of: \u201cMy kid has 0 percent of a phone. Now, once I get them a phone, they\u2019ll have 100 percent use of a phone.\u201d You go\u2014it\u2019s like binary\u2014you go, \u201cEither they have it\u2014now, they don\u2019t \/ now, they do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, first of all, the first part is wrong because, even if they don\u2019t have the phone, they\u2019re going to have access to it with their friends; so you have to have these <em>awful<\/em> conversations that you don\u2019t want to have\u2014that\u2019s going to feel like you\u2019re stealing your kid\u2019s innocence; but you want to frame that conversation first with them before their friend does. Then, when you give them the phone, do not give them the entire phone. You give them <em>partial<\/em> control of it\u2014certain things they have access to and certain things they don\u2019t. We talk about this in the chapter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You mentioned a word\u2014you said, \u201cYou\u2019re stealing your child\u2019s innocence\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s what it feels like when you talk to your eight-year-old about sex, or when you talk to your twelve-year-old about sexting, or when you have to bring up this idea of pornography <em>way<\/em> before your kid is even hitting puberty. Parents tell us, \u201cI don\u2019t want to have this conversation.\u201d We say to them is: \u201cWhat you talk to your kid about, they will talk about to you. Who would you rather have the first conversation with? Would you rather your kid have that first conversation about sexuality with their friend or with Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; or do you want them to know that you\u2019re a safe person with it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the extremes that the smartphone brings\u2014is that one of the biggest regrets parents have\u2014is their 11-year-old\/12-year-old has a birthday or a holiday. They hand their kid a phone in the box; the kid opens the box; and all of a sudden, they are one-click away from the best part of human nature and one-click away from the deepest, darkest, scariest part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you\u2019re saying that, for weeks or months, before you hand them the box, you need to be engaged in dialogue and conversation. Parents are going: \u201cWhat questions am I asking? What kind\u2014like do I sit down and say, \u2018Tonight, we\u2019re going to talk about pornography with you,\u2019\u2014is that what you <em>do<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think you have to say\u2014if you\u2019re going to give your kid a phone, you have to be willing to have a conversation with them about it, multiple times a week, for the next ten years \/ or the next five or six years. You are going to be in dialogue over this. This is the biggest battleground. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the parents, who are listening\u2014and grandparents who are listening right now\u2014there are some of you who have kids that you haven\u2019t gotten a phone for. That\u2019s awesome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a lot of hope that you can set this up the right way; but for those of you who are face-palming yourself right now and saying: \u201cYes; you\u2019re talking to me. I have a 15-year-old right now, and we are having\u201d\u2014as one dad says\u2014he says, \u201cI literally feel utterly defeated, at least, once a week, over the smartphone.\u201d If you\u2019re that parent, there is hope for you, too, with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; you guys have put together a series of videos. There are three videos\u2014and by the way, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find links to these videos. These are like six minutes each; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; they are short and sweet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2014as parents walk through the videos, you\u2019ll get a framework for what this dialogue should look like before you give a child a phone or, if you\u2019ve already given a child a phone, how you can play catch-up and get things recalibrated. It\u2019s hard to pull the whole thing back once the kids have had a phone for six months or a year; but there\u2019s a strategy where parents can recapture this whole thing; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; the thing is you want to maintain trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust because you have more control doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that you\u2019re going to have more trust in the process. You want to try to maintain and grow in trust through this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it would be really helpful if we talked about the four big conversations you have about this. We talk about in the video series\u2014it\u2019s made out of the chapter Dennis and I collaborated on\u2014and I think it will help you reorient the phone in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to stop you before you get to the four conversations, because you just made an assumption about our audience that I was surprised by as I read your chapter for the first time. I thought, \u201cThey have really put their finger on what is the core issue here.\u201d It\u2019s not necessarily the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or the device that the kid is struggling with and what\u2019s on it. You say that parents need to be involved in one thing that\u2019s very simple\u2014<em>conversation<\/em>. As you\u2019ve engaged with teenagers, you\u2019re finding that teenagers are not having the conversations with their parents about much of <em>anything<\/em> like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right. As a parent, you have this really awesome opportunity to have multiple conversations with your kid\u2014we actually call it this. We had a young lady come up to us\u2014she was in her 30s\u2014and she says, \u201cI\u2019ve only had one real conversation with my dad.\u201d When we heard her say that, we were like: \u201cOh no, you\u2019ve only had one conversation with your dad. This is terrible!\u201d She smiled; she paused and she said, \u201cWe\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> stopped having that one conversation.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a parent, you\u2019re going to have a 60-year conversation with your kids; and that\u2019s awesome. As a grandparent, you\u2019re going to have a 30-year conversation with your kid. As a youth pastor, you might have an 18-month conversation\u2014really good coach, a four-year conversation. Axis is all about leveraging that 60-year conversation. We want you to have one conversation\u2014not two conversations with a ten-year gap. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and you brought up something else here: the relationship between trust and control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Oh my; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Keep in mind\u2014he\u2019s [David] got a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a newborn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>David:<\/strong> What do I know? I don\u2019t know anything about this! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No, no, no, no. You just don\u2019t know what you\u2019re in for as you move into adolescence with your own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are an advocate for the fact that parents need to exercise control over their kids\u2019 devices; but if that\u2019s <em>all<\/em> they are doing, there is a problem there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I am an advocate for maintaining heart connection with your children. One of the ways you love them is that you provide boundaries for your children. Imagine you are playing soccer by a cliff without a fence. That fence is going to change the way you engage with the world, and that\u2019s what parents do\u2014you provide a type of fence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the biggest ideas that you should have with a smartphone is think about a car. When your 16-year-old gets a driver\u2019s license, they have to go through <em>hours<\/em> of driving with you in the passenger\u2019s seat, written tests, governmental test, actual driving test, driving during the day \/ driving at night. There are so many\u2014it\u2019s legislated; right? There is so much pressure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you give a kid a smartphone, there is none of that training. As a parent, when you have this smartphone, the idea is like: \u201cWhat can the driver\u2019s ed for my smartphone for my kid be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing\u2014one of the things you have to let happen in your heart is that, just like when your kid is learning to drive, you don\u2019t want to be in the passenger seat for the rest of their life. You have to let them go; you have to let them drive and make decisions for themselves. Well, at the very beginning when you give them a smartphone, you should have your eye on it\u2014you should have boundaries; you should have control; you should have a lot of interesting conversations\u2014but at some point, you want to get them to the point where they are self-governing \/ where they are imposing their own limits on it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014so that you\u2019re not checking their texts for the rest of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> David, one of the reasons why you are on target is because, much like your illustration of driver\u2019s ed with a teenager, when you take an iPhone\u2014many of the young people, by the time the parents actually give them their iPhone, have more experience and know more about the iPhone than the parents do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mom and Dad are the ones going to the kid and saying: \u201cHow do I do this?\u201d \u201cHow\u2014show me how to use this app\u201d; and the kids know it better than the parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It\u2019s like you have tech support in your house. If you have teenagers in your house, you have free tech support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s why you guys have come alongside them, though, is to give them education and train them to know what questions to ask\u2014kind of where they are hiding stuff, because we all hid stuff. I was speaking at a group, just a few months ago; and I said: \u201cStop looking at me like that. You know, when you were a teenager, you snuck out; you hid stuff. Hold your hand up.\u201d Nearly everybody in the audience held their hands up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, there is a whole industry of sneaky apps. There are apps that look like one thing on the surface, and you\u2014like there is the notorious calculator app\u2014it looks like a calculator \/ works like a calculator. You open it up; you type in a secret numerical code; and now, you have an internet browser and, now, you have a database that you can hide nude pictures from your parents. That\u2019s one of the things that Axis does\u2014is we want to say, \u201cHey, here\u2019s how you see what\u2019s going on in your kids\u2019 world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>But Bob, as you said, just because you can control it, you still want to have that heart connection of trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re having the control without the trust, kids are just going to get frustrated\u2014they are going to get sneakier. They are going to hide stuff, and they\u2019re going to go: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cAs soon as I\u2019m out of here, man, I\u2019m going to do whatever I want to do.\u201d You\u2019ve got to be winning their heart, not just controlling their behavior. That\u2019s why what you\u2019ve put in these videos and what you wrote in the chapter\u2014the four conversations we\u2019re talking about here\u2014are so vital. This is a part of how you cultivate trust with your child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> One of my favorite quotes from this past year, as I was talking to a girl who was 14-years-old\u2014she said: \u201cThe stricter the parent, the sneakier the child.\u201d It\u2019s this assumption of: \u201cYou know what? My parents are going to be strict. I\u2019m going to be sneaky.\u201d It\u2019s like this magical, Houdini slight-of-hand that says, \u201cOh, this is the world\u201d; but what she is really saying is: \u201cMy parents don\u2019t trust me. I don\u2019t trust <em>them<\/em>. Why do they have these rules? They don\u2019t have my best interest at heart. So, I\u2019m going to sneak away from them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The favorite response to that\u2014and I wish I had them in my mind\u2014was from <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. It\u2019s: \u201cAre you raising a sin-concealer, or are you raising a sin-confessor?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014answering a question with a question there\u2014so: \u201cDo your kids trust that they can tell you anything?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so let\u2019s say a parent is planning\u2014they are talking about it: \u201cLet\u2019s get our kids a phone for Christmas\u201d; okay? [Laughter] I mean they are at an age\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Of course; that\u2019s exciting! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014so: \u201cYes; we want to get them something special. They are dying for it. We\u2019re going to get them the phone. They are going to turn\u201d\u2014whatever\u2014\u201cThey are going to turn 15. All their friends have them. They are finally going to get one of these. Between now and Christmas, what should I be doing, as a parent?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I\u2019m actually going to twist that on you; because of the assumption of: \u201cI have to get my kid a phone.\u201d There are other <em>devices<\/em> that you can get your kid before you get them a $700- or $800-phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens is\u2014you have a phone. Maybe, if you\u2019re listening to this right now, and you\u2019re driving down the road, you\u2019re like: \u201cHey, that\u2019s me. We don\u2019t have\u201d\u2014you could say\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t have a rotary home in my house; I don\u2019t have a phone that\u2019s connected to a wall. Our family lives on our pocket phones\u2014our mobile phones\/our smartphones.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re like: \u201cWell, I want to get my ten-year-old\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cwhat if I leave the house, and I leave my ten-year-old at home for a little bit, because I\u2019m trying to get some grocery shopping done. Well, I don\u2019t want to leave them there all by themselves.\u201d or \u201cWhat if they are at soccer practice, and they finish early? I just don\u2019t want to leave them in a field all by themselves,\u201d or \u201cWhat if something <em>terrible<\/em> happens at our kids\u2019 school and there is some kind of dangerous situation? I don\u2019t want to leave them there all by themselves.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a device called a relay. It\u2019s a product that\u2019s out on the market right now\u2014it\u2019s like a walkie-talkie; it\u2019s a screen-less phone. It\u2019s this idea of like: \u201cThis is what you get your seven-, eight-, or nine-year-old.\u201d There are a handful of other devices that you can get them as you incrementally enter\u2014and you can get them a dumb phone; get them a flip phone; get them a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These are training wheels is what you are saying: \u201cGet them a bike before they get a car\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; this analogy just works so well. It never goes wrong with this driving thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so then, let\u2019s say you\u2019ve done that; and you\u2019re like, \u201cLet\u2019s enter into this world of the smartphone.\u201d You know your kid is going to be there Christmas morning or their birthday, and they\u2019re going to light up. They\u2019re going to be so excited. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the most important things you can do, as you lead up to giving them that, is be prepared. If you\u2019re married\u2014with your spouse, be prepared. If you\u2019re divorced\u2014you have to be extra, extra, extra prepared. Why I say that is because I am a very part-time youth pastor. Man, I have never seen anything divide divorced parents than their kids\u2019 smartphones. I know kids who have two smartphones\u2014one for the mom\u2019s house; one for the dad\u2019s house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been invited to be an expert witness in court because of a parent who is like, \u201cThe other parent lets my kid do whatever they want on their smartphone, and I have rules.\u201d So, there is just\u2014that will create a huge fight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re in that situation, I would say: \u201cTake extra caution. Definitely get Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. Read the chapter as you go through that; but then, as you are entering into it, I think it\u2019s really important to lay out an agreement.\u201d Now, an agreement is something where\u2014especially if your kid doesn\u2019t have a phone, yet\u2014is where you are starting to say, \u201cWhat are the different situations this phone can be in?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to give you seven categories; okay? Now, we might not talk about all of these in detail; but the first category is non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are\u2014we say: \u201cAs a family, we believe that pornography is wrong \/ we believe that sexting is wrong; and in no circumstances will this happen.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a friend could send your kid a picture of naked girl\u2014a sext. So then, your kid has to\u2014you have to have a plan for them to say: \u201cThis is what happens when you see this. Come tell us right away. Let us be the bad guy. We\u2019re in your corner. We\u2019re safe. You can trust us,\u201d\u2014so non-negotiables are the first thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext thing is different locations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; before you move on past the first one, here is where parents don\u2019t get it\u2014and I really appreciate how you wrote about this\u2014many of these things you\u2019re going to point parents into a collision course with their child on have become cultural norms\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014among teenagers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And sexting is a part of dating today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It is, and it should <em>shock<\/em> you to hear that. One of my favorite stories\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we\u2019ve learned so much at Axis from other incredible parents\u2014is you have to practice your \u201cI\u2019m-not-shocked\u201d face; because your kid might come home from school and say, \u201cI saw two boys kissing.\u201d Your kid might come home from school and say: \u201cListen to this song,\u201d or \u201cI heard this new artist,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re like, \u201cI know what that artist is all about.\u201d Your kid might come home and say, you know, \u201cLook what I was sent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI got these pictures today,\u201d\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You want them\u2014if you haven\u2019t practiced the I\u2019m-not-shocked face\u2014if you flip out and start breaking things when they show that to you, next time it happens, they\u2019ll be like: \u201cI can\u2019t trust Mom \/ I can\u2019t trust Dad to show this to them. They are going to throw me under the bus. I\u2019m going to be afraid. My friends are going to make fun of me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about sexting is\u2014sadly, it\u2019s become a common part of dating. Now, it doesn\u2019t happen to everyone; but what we notice is\u2014when we were talking to students\u2014is that there was this story of this one girl\u2014she was asked for nudes [of herself]; asked for nudes; asked for nudes\u2014she finally sent nudes to the boys. They shared that with their entire school. All of a sudden, this girl is a slut\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014enter whatever kind of awful, derogatory term\u2014her heart is broken; but then, what really blew us away is that other girls were like, \u201cI wish boys would ask <em>me<\/em> for nudes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were like: \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cStop!\u201d \u201cStop!\u201d \u201cStop!\u201d \u201cWhy are you saying that?\u2014you wish boys would ask\u2026\u201d\u2014because they want to be <em>wanted<\/em>. This is a <em>currency<\/em> of attraction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn either situation, as a parent, you have the opportunity to enter in and say, \u201cWhy do you want that?\u201d Again, if you don\u2019t have the trust built\u2014where they can tell you anything\u2014if you haven\u2019t already started the conversation, preemptively, they are going to be like: \u201cMom doesn\u2019t even know what this is,\u201d \u201cDad doesn\u2019t know what this is. I don\u2019t want to tell them, and he\u2019s going to start throwing things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is back to being safe again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not a safe person, you\u2019re not going to get the real story. You still may not get it, by the way, by being a safe person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>David:<\/strong> Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But there is a greater likelihood if you, as a parent, are loving well, and you\u2019re a shock-absorber for what your kid is going to tell you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is a subject that needs a lot of attention and a lot of coaching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You think?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019re going to continue with it this week. I, again, want to point people to the fact that, on our website, we\u2019ve got a link to the videos that you guys have put together that will coach parents on how to be preemptive\u2014how to head into this situation before you give the phone. If you\u2019ve already given your child the phone, here\u2019s how you reclaim and recapture. In fact, you\u2019ve got\u2014there\u2019s a 30-day detox program you\u2019ve put together to try to get things back to where they need to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not just for the kids; it\u2019s for mom and dad and their devices too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It always starts with mom and dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is more information about this on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. The videos\u2014the three videos that are there\u2014just click the link, and it\u2019ll take you right to the videos. There is also information about Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014the online video series that you [David] started watching last night; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is also\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Good answer! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the small group series that a lot of churches are going through. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on all that\u2019s available. Our website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope a lot of parents will watch these videos that you guys have created. I think it will help give them a framework for how they can become proactive on this subject. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. If you are interested in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> resources, you can call us to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this conversation\u2014and really all that we do, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014is all about challenging, and encouraging, and equipping husbands and wives and moms and dads to be effective in developing a godly family. That\u2019s our mission, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014to effectively develop godly marriages and families, with the firm conviction that godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re grateful for those of you who are, not just listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible\u2014for the tens of thousands of young moms and dads; husbands and wives; couples, who are challenged; parents, who are going through struggles with their kids\u2014you are providing them the practical biblical help and hope they need every time you support this ministry and make the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to express our thanks for your support by sending you a copy of a book written by our friend, Bryan Loritts, that\u2019s all about the gospel. In fact, it\u2019s called <em>The Cross-Shaped Gospel<\/em>. Of course, the gospel is at the heart of all that we do, here, at FamilyLife. The book is our thank-you gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call to donate. Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can also request the book when you mail your donation to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with David Eaton. We\u2019re going to talk about whether your child has a right to privacy when it comes to their smartphone or their devices. We\u2019ll have that conversation tomorrow. I hope you can be back with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:05"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.96M"],"filesize_raw":["24077981"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300389.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300389.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Eaton encourages parents to talk to their kids about appropriate cell phone usage. Eaton reminds parents it's not so much about how to use the phone but why we use it.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A smartphone is a device that can lead to all kinds of opportunities and all kinds of danger. As a parent, what can you do to make sure your son or daughter is ready to use their smartphone properly? Here\u2019s David Eaton. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> When your 16-year-old gets a driver\u2019s license, they have to go through <em>hours<\/em> of driving with you in the passenger seat, written tests, governmental test, actual driving test, driving during the day \/ driving at night. There are so many\u2014it\u2019s legislated; right? And there is so much pressure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you get a kid a smartphone, there is <em>none<\/em> of that training. As a parent, when you have the smartphone, the idea is like: \u201cWhat can the driver\u2019s ed for my smartphone for my kid be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019re going to have a device discussion today and talk about how you can make sure your teens are handling their devices well\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not just your teens, by the way. We\u2019ll talk about <em>your<\/em> use of your device. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m putting my phone away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was about to say: \u201cHere I am\u2014we\u2019re starting <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Your phone is showing, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cYou\u2019re on your phone; the guest is on his laptop. I\u2019m fully engaged with the program. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, give me a break! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI am here, <em>all in<\/em>; and you guys are\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You would have made a great Pharisee, Bob. [Laughter] I\u2019m glad God redeemed you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014I had dinner with our guest last night. We had a meal together, and I told him he needed to go home and check out the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> online video series that we\u2019ve got. He\u2019s familiar with your book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, which has just come out. I said, \u201cIf you do that, we\u2019ll let you on the radio tomorrow.\u201d He did, and that\u2019s why he\u2019s on today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He is here. David Eaton joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. David, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>David:<\/strong> Hey, everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t know that I was putting that hurdle\u2014if you didn\u2019t come home and do the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>, we weren\u2019t letting you on today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t know that, but I\u2019m glad I know that I passed your test. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, our listeners likely remember David from having been on our broadcast a little over a year ago, as I recall. He is the co-founder of Axis, which was formed 11 years ago to help parents know how to navigate the digital world with their preteens and teens; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You\u2019ve got it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> David is married to Lindsey and has three children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, when it came time for Barbara and me to write our book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, we were writing a section of the book on character. We thought, \u201cMan, we need a chapter in here on technology; because if there is anything today that has the power for good or the power for evil\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthat will shape the character of your child in one way or another.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Exactly\u2014and your children\u2019s parents, too, by the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit\u2019s technology.\u201d I thought, \u201cWho have we had on the broadcast who could do this?\u201d I thought of David and his team at Axis. I thought, \u201cI need to call him on the phone\u201d; so I did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember getting this phone call? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> And here we are\u2014yes; it was a good day; it was a good day. I was like, \u201cHi, Dennis, how are you doing?\u201d Then, I called the team in and said: \u201cHey, we get to write this chapter. Let\u2019s do it,\u201d because there are so many questions like: \u201cWhen should I get my kid a phone?\u201d and \u201cShould there be phone privacy?\u201d and \u201cI always feel like the bad guy,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s just such an incredible tool that\u2019s taking the world over.\u201d It was such a fun chapter to write. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, my challenge to him, Bob, was\u2014I said: \u201cI want some uranium. [Laughter] I want something that is compact, tight, and gives parents the edge of being on top of this. Can you do it?!\u201d So, Bob, I\u2019m holding the chapter right here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s in the book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is it uranium? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s plutonium! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Plutonium?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Oh, yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It\u2019s plutonium. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s radioactive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is. So, David, you began the chapter by talking about how you guys, as a team, speak to tens of thousands of teenagers; and you\u2019re connecting with tens of thousands of parents, as well, every year. What are you seeing today when it comes to handling smartphones? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, I think the big question is: \u201cShould I get my kid a smartphone?\u201d and \u201cIf I should, when should I get it for them?\u201d When a parent asks that question, usually, it\u2019s because they are feeling pressure because other little kids have these phones; right? One of the things we ask parents is: \u201cWho is your greatest competition out there in raising your kids?\u201d You know what parents say to me? They say, \u201cOur greatest competition is <em>other<\/em> parents,\u201d\u2014the peer pressure from other parents. They\u2019ll say: \u201cOh, the Lepines\u2014their kids are 11 years old, and they have phones. So, therefore, we, as the Raineys\u201d\u2014if we have 11-year-olds\u2014\u201cwe should get a phone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, kids have been doing this\u2014you did this ploy when you were growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Absolutely! You\u2019ve got to divide and conquer. You know what I\u2019m saying?\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But parents are leaving the gate open with their children, and it\u2019s not necessarily the Christian parents that are. You could do a good job with your kids, but the problem is your kid\u2019s going to be exposed to dozens of other devices that other kids are carrying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right; and that\u2019s one of the secrets\u2014is that just because you don\u2019t get your kid a phone doesn\u2019t mean they won\u2019t have access to a smartphone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> If they have a friend who has a smartphone\u2014which they\u2019ll have\u2014so you have to train your kid with the understanding of like: \u201cSomeday, I\u2019m going to give them a phone; but then, even if I don\u2019t, I have to prepare them to know what to do when their friend slides a phone in front of them and says, \u2018Hey, look at this.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the first things that we think about is\u2014if you say, \u201cWhat age should I give my kid a phone?\u201d\u2014you\u2019re asking the wrong question or it is assuming the wrong thing; because it\u2019s this idea of: \u201cMy kid has 0 percent of a phone. Now, once I get them a phone, they\u2019ll have 100 percent use of a phone.\u201d You go\u2014it\u2019s like binary\u2014you go, \u201cEither they have it\u2014now, they don\u2019t \/ now, they do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, first of all, the first part is wrong because, even if they don\u2019t have the phone, they\u2019re going to have access to it with their friends; so you have to have these <em>awful<\/em> conversations that you don\u2019t want to have\u2014that\u2019s going to feel like you\u2019re stealing your kid\u2019s innocence; but you want to frame that conversation first with them before their friend does. Then, when you give them the phone, do not give them the entire phone. You give them <em>partial<\/em> control of it\u2014certain things they have access to and certain things they don\u2019t. We talk about this in the chapter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You mentioned a word\u2014you said, \u201cYou\u2019re stealing your child\u2019s innocence\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s what it feels like when you talk to your eight-year-old about sex, or when you talk to your twelve-year-old about sexting, or when you have to bring up this idea of pornography <em>way<\/em> before your kid is even hitting puberty. Parents tell us, \u201cI don\u2019t want to have this conversation.\u201d We say to them is: \u201cWhat you talk to your kid about, they will talk about to you. Who would you rather have the first conversation with? Would you rather your kid have that first conversation about sexuality with their friend or with Google<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; or do you want them to know that you\u2019re a safe person with it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the extremes that the smartphone brings\u2014is that one of the biggest regrets parents have\u2014is their 11-year-old\/12-year-old has a birthday or a holiday. They hand their kid a phone in the box; the kid opens the box; and all of a sudden, they are one-click away from the best part of human nature and one-click away from the deepest, darkest, scariest part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you\u2019re saying that, for weeks or months, before you hand them the box, you need to be engaged in dialogue and conversation. Parents are going: \u201cWhat questions am I asking? What kind\u2014like do I sit down and say, \u2018Tonight, we\u2019re going to talk about pornography with you,\u2019\u2014is that what you <em>do<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think you have to say\u2014if you\u2019re going to give your kid a phone, you have to be willing to have a conversation with them about it, multiple times a week, for the next ten years \/ or the next five or six years. You are going to be in dialogue over this. This is the biggest battleground. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor the parents, who are listening\u2014and grandparents who are listening right now\u2014there are some of you who have kids that you haven\u2019t gotten a phone for. That\u2019s awesome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a lot of hope that you can set this up the right way; but for those of you who are face-palming yourself right now and saying: \u201cYes; you\u2019re talking to me. I have a 15-year-old right now, and we are having\u201d\u2014as one dad says\u2014he says, \u201cI literally feel utterly defeated, at least, once a week, over the smartphone.\u201d If you\u2019re that parent, there is hope for you, too, with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; you guys have put together a series of videos. There are three videos\u2014and by the way, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and find links to these videos. These are like six minutes each; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; they are short and sweet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can\u2014as parents walk through the videos, you\u2019ll get a framework for what this dialogue should look like before you give a child a phone or, if you\u2019ve already given a child a phone, how you can play catch-up and get things recalibrated. It\u2019s hard to pull the whole thing back once the kids have had a phone for six months or a year; but there\u2019s a strategy where parents can recapture this whole thing; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; the thing is you want to maintain trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust because you have more control doesn\u2019t necessarily mean that you\u2019re going to have more trust in the process. You want to try to maintain and grow in trust through this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it would be really helpful if we talked about the four big conversations you have about this. We talk about in the video series\u2014it\u2019s made out of the chapter Dennis and I collaborated on\u2014and I think it will help you reorient the phone in your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to stop you before you get to the four conversations, because you just made an assumption about our audience that I was surprised by as I read your chapter for the first time. I thought, \u201cThey have really put their finger on what is the core issue here.\u201d It\u2019s not necessarily the iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or the device that the kid is struggling with and what\u2019s on it. You say that parents need to be involved in one thing that\u2019s very simple\u2014<em>conversation<\/em>. As you\u2019ve engaged with teenagers, you\u2019re finding that teenagers are not having the conversations with their parents about much of <em>anything<\/em> like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right. As a parent, you have this really awesome opportunity to have multiple conversations with your kid\u2014we actually call it this. We had a young lady come up to us\u2014she was in her 30s\u2014and she says, \u201cI\u2019ve only had one real conversation with my dad.\u201d When we heard her say that, we were like: \u201cOh no, you\u2019ve only had one conversation with your dad. This is terrible!\u201d She smiled; she paused and she said, \u201cWe\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> stopped having that one conversation.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, as a parent, you\u2019re going to have a 60-year conversation with your kids; and that\u2019s awesome. As a grandparent, you\u2019re going to have a 30-year conversation with your kid. As a youth pastor, you might have an 18-month conversation\u2014really good coach, a four-year conversation. Axis is all about leveraging that 60-year conversation. We want you to have one conversation\u2014not two conversations with a ten-year gap. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and you brought up something else here: the relationship between trust and control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Oh my; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Keep in mind\u2014he\u2019s [David] got a five-year-old, a three-year-old, and a newborn. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>David:<\/strong> What do I know? I don\u2019t know anything about this! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No, no, no, no. You just don\u2019t know what you\u2019re in for as you move into adolescence with your own. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are an advocate for the fact that parents need to exercise control over their kids\u2019 devices; but if that\u2019s <em>all<\/em> they are doing, there is a problem there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; I am an advocate for maintaining heart connection with your children. One of the ways you love them is that you provide boundaries for your children. Imagine you are playing soccer by a cliff without a fence. That fence is going to change the way you engage with the world, and that\u2019s what parents do\u2014you provide a type of fence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the biggest ideas that you should have with a smartphone is think about a car. When your 16-year-old gets a driver\u2019s license, they have to go through <em>hours<\/em> of driving with you in the passenger\u2019s seat, written tests, governmental test, actual driving test, driving during the day \/ driving at night. There are so many\u2014it\u2019s legislated; right? There is so much pressure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you give a kid a smartphone, there is none of that training. As a parent, when you have this smartphone, the idea is like: \u201cWhat can the driver\u2019s ed for my smartphone for my kid be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the thing\u2014one of the things you have to let happen in your heart is that, just like when your kid is learning to drive, you don\u2019t want to be in the passenger seat for the rest of their life. You have to let them go; you have to let them drive and make decisions for themselves. Well, at the very beginning when you give them a smartphone, you should have your eye on it\u2014you should have boundaries; you should have control; you should have a lot of interesting conversations\u2014but at some point, you want to get them to the point where they are self-governing \/ where they are imposing their own limits on it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014so that you\u2019re not checking their texts for the rest of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> David, one of the reasons why you are on target is because, much like your illustration of driver\u2019s ed with a teenager, when you take an iPhone\u2014many of the young people, by the time the parents actually give them their iPhone, have more experience and know more about the iPhone than the parents do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mom and Dad are the ones going to the kid and saying: \u201cHow do I do this?\u201d \u201cHow\u2014show me how to use this app\u201d; and the kids know it better than the parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It\u2019s like you have tech support in your house. If you have teenagers in your house, you have free tech support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s why you guys have come alongside them, though, is to give them education and train them to know what questions to ask\u2014kind of where they are hiding stuff, because we all hid stuff. I was speaking at a group, just a few months ago; and I said: \u201cStop looking at me like that. You know, when you were a teenager, you snuck out; you hid stuff. Hold your hand up.\u201d Nearly everybody in the audience held their hands up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, there is a whole industry of sneaky apps. There are apps that look like one thing on the surface, and you\u2014like there is the notorious calculator app\u2014it looks like a calculator \/ works like a calculator. You open it up; you type in a secret numerical code; and now, you have an internet browser and, now, you have a database that you can hide nude pictures from your parents. That\u2019s one of the things that Axis does\u2014is we want to say, \u201cHey, here\u2019s how you see what\u2019s going on in your kids\u2019 world.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>But Bob, as you said, just because you can control it, you still want to have that heart connection of trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re having the control without the trust, kids are just going to get frustrated\u2014they are going to get sneakier. They are going to hide stuff, and they\u2019re going to go: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cAs soon as I\u2019m out of here, man, I\u2019m going to do whatever I want to do.\u201d You\u2019ve got to be winning their heart, not just controlling their behavior. That\u2019s why what you\u2019ve put in these videos and what you wrote in the chapter\u2014the four conversations we\u2019re talking about here\u2014are so vital. This is a part of how you cultivate trust with your child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> One of my favorite quotes from this past year, as I was talking to a girl who was 14-years-old\u2014she said: \u201cThe stricter the parent, the sneakier the child.\u201d It\u2019s this assumption of: \u201cYou know what? My parents are going to be strict. I\u2019m going to be sneaky.\u201d It\u2019s like this magical, Houdini slight-of-hand that says, \u201cOh, this is the world\u201d; but what she is really saying is: \u201cMy parents don\u2019t trust me. I don\u2019t trust <em>them<\/em>. Why do they have these rules? They don\u2019t have my best interest at heart. So, I\u2019m going to sneak away from them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The favorite response to that\u2014and I wish I had them in my mind\u2014was from <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. It\u2019s: \u201cAre you raising a sin-concealer, or are you raising a sin-confessor?\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014answering a question with a question there\u2014so: \u201cDo your kids trust that they can tell you anything?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so let\u2019s say a parent is planning\u2014they are talking about it: \u201cLet\u2019s get our kids a phone for Christmas\u201d; okay? [Laughter] I mean they are at an age\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Of course; that\u2019s exciting! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014so: \u201cYes; we want to get them something special. They are dying for it. We\u2019re going to get them the phone. They are going to turn\u201d\u2014whatever\u2014\u201cThey are going to turn 15. All their friends have them. They are finally going to get one of these. Between now and Christmas, what should I be doing, as a parent?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I\u2019m actually going to twist that on you; because of the assumption of: \u201cI have to get my kid a phone.\u201d There are other <em>devices<\/em> that you can get your kid before you get them a $700- or $800-phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens is\u2014you have a phone. Maybe, if you\u2019re listening to this right now, and you\u2019re driving down the road, you\u2019re like: \u201cHey, that\u2019s me. We don\u2019t have\u201d\u2014you could say\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t have a rotary home in my house; I don\u2019t have a phone that\u2019s connected to a wall. Our family lives on our pocket phones\u2014our mobile phones\/our smartphones.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re like: \u201cWell, I want to get my ten-year-old\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cwhat if I leave the house, and I leave my ten-year-old at home for a little bit, because I\u2019m trying to get some grocery shopping done. Well, I don\u2019t want to leave them there all by themselves.\u201d or \u201cWhat if they are at soccer practice, and they finish early? I just don\u2019t want to leave them in a field all by themselves,\u201d or \u201cWhat if something <em>terrible<\/em> happens at our kids\u2019 school and there is some kind of dangerous situation? I don\u2019t want to leave them there all by themselves.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a device called a relay. It\u2019s a product that\u2019s out on the market right now\u2014it\u2019s like a walkie-talkie; it\u2019s a screen-less phone. It\u2019s this idea of like: \u201cThis is what you get your seven-, eight-, or nine-year-old.\u201d There are a handful of other devices that you can get them as you incrementally enter\u2014and you can get them a dumb phone; get them a flip phone; get them a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These are training wheels is what you are saying: \u201cGet them a bike before they get a car\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; this analogy just works so well. It never goes wrong with this driving thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; so then, let\u2019s say you\u2019ve done that; and you\u2019re like, \u201cLet\u2019s enter into this world of the smartphone.\u201d You know your kid is going to be there Christmas morning or their birthday, and they\u2019re going to light up. They\u2019re going to be so excited. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the most important things you can do, as you lead up to giving them that, is be prepared. If you\u2019re married\u2014with your spouse, be prepared. If you\u2019re divorced\u2014you have to be extra, extra, extra prepared. Why I say that is because I am a very part-time youth pastor. Man, I have never seen anything divide divorced parents than their kids\u2019 smartphones. I know kids who have two smartphones\u2014one for the mom\u2019s house; one for the dad\u2019s house. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been invited to be an expert witness in court because of a parent who is like, \u201cThe other parent lets my kid do whatever they want on their smartphone, and I have rules.\u201d So, there is just\u2014that will create a huge fight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re in that situation, I would say: \u201cTake extra caution. Definitely get Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. Read the chapter as you go through that; but then, as you are entering into it, I think it\u2019s really important to lay out an agreement.\u201d Now, an agreement is something where\u2014especially if your kid doesn\u2019t have a phone, yet\u2014is where you are starting to say, \u201cWhat are the different situations this phone can be in?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m going to give you seven categories; okay? Now, we might not talk about all of these in detail; but the first category is non-negotiables. Non-negotiables are\u2014we say: \u201cAs a family, we believe that pornography is wrong \/ we believe that sexting is wrong; and in no circumstances will this happen.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, a friend could send your kid a picture of naked girl\u2014a sext. So then, your kid has to\u2014you have to have a plan for them to say: \u201cThis is what happens when you see this. Come tell us right away. Let us be the bad guy. We\u2019re in your corner. We\u2019re safe. You can trust us,\u201d\u2014so non-negotiables are the first thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext thing is different locations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Okay; before you move on past the first one, here is where parents don\u2019t get it\u2014and I really appreciate how you wrote about this\u2014many of these things you\u2019re going to point parents into a collision course with their child on have become cultural norms\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014among teenagers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And sexting is a part of dating today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It is, and it should <em>shock<\/em> you to hear that. One of my favorite stories\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014we\u2019ve learned so much at Axis from other incredible parents\u2014is you have to practice your \u201cI\u2019m-not-shocked\u201d face; because your kid might come home from school and say, \u201cI saw two boys kissing.\u201d Your kid might come home from school and say: \u201cListen to this song,\u201d or \u201cI heard this new artist,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re like, \u201cI know what that artist is all about.\u201d Your kid might come home and say, you know, \u201cLook what I was sent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI got these pictures today,\u201d\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You want them\u2014if you haven\u2019t practiced the I\u2019m-not-shocked face\u2014if you flip out and start breaking things when they show that to you, next time it happens, they\u2019ll be like: \u201cI can\u2019t trust Mom \/ I can\u2019t trust Dad to show this to them. They are going to throw me under the bus. I\u2019m going to be afraid. My friends are going to make fun of me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about sexting is\u2014sadly, it\u2019s become a common part of dating. Now, it doesn\u2019t happen to everyone; but what we notice is\u2014when we were talking to students\u2014is that there was this story of this one girl\u2014she was asked for nudes [of herself]; asked for nudes; asked for nudes\u2014she finally sent nudes to the boys. They shared that with their entire school. All of a sudden, this girl is a slut\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014enter whatever kind of awful, derogatory term\u2014her heart is broken; but then, what really blew us away is that other girls were like, \u201cI wish boys would ask <em>me<\/em> for nudes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were like: \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cWhat?\u201d \u201cStop!\u201d \u201cStop!\u201d \u201cStop!\u201d \u201cWhy are you saying that?\u2014you wish boys would ask\u2026\u201d\u2014because they want to be <em>wanted<\/em>. This is a <em>currency<\/em> of attraction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn either situation, as a parent, you have the opportunity to enter in and say, \u201cWhy do you want that?\u201d Again, if you don\u2019t have the trust built\u2014where they can tell you anything\u2014if you haven\u2019t already started the conversation, preemptively, they are going to be like: \u201cMom doesn\u2019t even know what this is,\u201d \u201cDad doesn\u2019t know what this is. I don\u2019t want to tell them, and he\u2019s going to start throwing things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It is back to being safe again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not a safe person, you\u2019re not going to get the real story. You still may not get it, by the way, by being a safe person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>David:<\/strong> Right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But there is a greater likelihood if you, as a parent, are loving well, and you\u2019re a shock-absorber for what your kid is going to tell you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is a subject that needs a lot of attention and a lot of coaching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You think?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019re going to continue with it this week. I, again, want to point people to the fact that, on our website, we\u2019ve got a link to the videos that you guys have put together that will coach parents on how to be preemptive\u2014how to head into this situation before you give the phone. If you\u2019ve already given your child the phone, here\u2019s how you reclaim and recapture. In fact, you\u2019ve got\u2014there\u2019s a 30-day detox program you\u2019ve put together to try to get things back to where they need to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not just for the kids; it\u2019s for mom and dad and their devices too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It always starts with mom and dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is more information about this on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. The videos\u2014the three videos that are there\u2014just click the link, and it\u2019ll take you right to the videos. There is also information about Dennis and Barbara\u2019s book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2014the online video series that you [David] started watching last night; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I did! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is also\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Good answer! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the small group series that a lot of churches are going through. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information on all that\u2019s available. Our website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope a lot of parents will watch these videos that you guys have created. I think it will help give them a framework for how they can become proactive on this subject. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. If you are interested in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> resources, you can call us to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this conversation\u2014and really all that we do, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014is all about challenging, and encouraging, and equipping husbands and wives and moms and dads to be effective in developing a godly family. That\u2019s our mission, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014to effectively develop godly marriages and families, with the firm conviction that godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019re grateful for those of you who are, not just listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, but those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible\u2014for the tens of thousands of young moms and dads; husbands and wives; couples, who are challenged; parents, who are going through struggles with their kids\u2014you are providing them the practical biblical help and hope they need every time you support this ministry and make the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you can help with a donation, we\u2019d like to express our thanks for your support by sending you a copy of a book written by our friend, Bryan Loritts, that\u2019s all about the gospel. In fact, it\u2019s called <em>The Cross-Shaped Gospel<\/em>. Of course, the gospel is at the heart of all that we do, here, at FamilyLife. The book is our thank-you gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call to donate. Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. You can also request the book when you mail your donation to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur mailing address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with David Eaton. We\u2019re going to talk about whether your child has a right to privacy when it comes to their smartphone or their devices. We\u2019ll have that conversation tomorrow. I hope you can be back with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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