{"id":300383,"date":"2018-09-24T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-09-24T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/childhood-lessons-of-love\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:34","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:34","slug":"childhood-lessons-of-love","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/childhood-lessons-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Childhood Lessons of Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Milan Yerkovich and his wife, Kay, talk about their early years of marriage and the difficulty they had breaking out of old communication patterns. Kay also helps us understand emotional attachment.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:59","filesize":"24.7M","filesize_raw":"25899473","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2862],"tags":[4527,4548,4546,4547,4545,4034,4198],"podcast_series":[7250],"cwp_profile":[8852],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300383","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-understanding-differences","tag-communication","tag-emotional-attachment","tag-family-baggage","tag-family-differences","tag-marriage-and-family-therapist","tag-newlyweds","tag-stuck","podcast_series-how-we-love","cwp_profile-milan-and-kay-yerkovich","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300383\/childhood-lessons-of-love","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300383\/childhood-lessons-of-love","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"BawIIOORx3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/childhood-lessons-of-love\/\">Childhood Lessons of Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/childhood-lessons-of-love\/embed\/#?secret=BawIIOORx3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Childhood Lessons of Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"BawIIOORx3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Milan Yerkovich and his wife, Kay, talk about their early years of marriage and the difficulty they had breaking out of old communication patterns. Kay also helps us understand emotional attachment.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As we grow up, we develop patterns of how to relate to other people\u2014patterns that are imprinted on our lives\u2014and we think that everyone else relates to people the same way we do. For Milan and Kay Yerkovich, understanding these patterns was a breakthrough for their marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> I\u2019m still the Avoider; he\u2019s still the Pleaser\u2014we don\u2019t just outgrow these. These are early imprints that really stay with us. I feel like it was an open door that God gave me so much wisdom as to what was at the root of the brokenness. We began to have conversations about our background so that we could understand \u201cHow did this happen?\u201d That was a real turning point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. When we understand the patterns of relationship that we bring into a marriage, it can affect how we learn to love one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019ve had so many people who are so excited about what we\u2019re going to be talking about this week and about the guests we have on just because the conversation we\u2019re going to have has been so helpful for so many people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It has. In fact, a little bit later, this couple\u2019s going to be hosting a marriage conference for the staff, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just want to welcome you to the team. We may make this so comfortable here that you\u2019ll just pitch a tent here and join up and be a part of the team. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Hey, this might be a recruitment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes; it might.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It might be\u2014it happened for Bob. [Laughter] He came here from San Antonio. He gave up\u2014he\u2019s still a Spurs fan.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I am still a Spurs fan; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, the voices you just heard are that of Milan and Kay Yerkovich. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey hail all the way from Southern California. They were married the same year Barbara and I were married, back in 1972. They have four children and ten grandchildren.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> We do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They\u2019re prolific speakers\/radio hosts, along with Steve Arterburn, on <em>New Life Live<\/em>. They\u2019ve written a book called <em>How We Love<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou guys have taken a very unique approach around the emotional condition of marriages. It\u2019s biblical\u2014solidly biblical\u2014but you believe we underestimate the whole emotional dimension of how we enter in to a marriage relationship; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s what we did. We found that we had developed a lot of other areas of our relationship\u2014our fun together, our camaraderie, our biblical base\u2014we took time to build at the beginning of our marriage. But what we realized, after a period of time, was that the emotional focus of our marriage was nonexistent. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe didn\u2019t even know what an emotionally-based relationship was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, we took time to build that and so what\u2014who we are today is after we started something brand-new about the 15-year mark of our marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s interesting, Kay\u201415 years in and you would say you were emotionally <em>unconnected<\/em> as a couple?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes; but that was normal to me, because that\u2019s the family I grew up in\u2014we were emotionally unconnected\u2014so, to me, we were normal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> I think, like so many couples though, we had this repetitive dance \/ this core pattern\u2014in spite of Bible study, prayer \/ my husband was a pastor\u2014was such a tenacious bad dance. We just couldn\u2019t understand \u201cWhy was that dance still there?\u201d When we began to really explore where we didn\u2019t develop, as kids, that dance made a lot more sense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When did you first step on one another\u2019s toes in the dance? I mean, you got married\u2014how long did you rock along before there was the first big time ouch? What happened?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Well, we dated for two years; so I can even look back then and see that core pattern was probably there. We had no <em>name<\/em> for it. We didn\u2019t understand that was a pattern that was created from our histories. I can look back from the day we were married\u2014or that pattern was really in place\u2014and like all people, you just think that will go away or \u201cThat\u2019s not that irritating.\u201d Of course, the longer you are married, the more irritating it gets.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> I think what you just said, Kay, was really important. We carried our childhood and adolescence experience with us <em>into<\/em> marriage. What may have served us well, as a child, did not serve us well, as adults, for adult relationship. Essentially, I was what I would call a fear-based person because of the home I grew up in; and that\u2019s all I knew. I knew anxiety; I knew fear\u2014not knowing what was going on with her\u2014so I would over-explore or check in too often, which would then push her away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I didn\u2019t know where that was coming from. I didn\u2019t know that that was because of the fearful childhood that I\u2019d had; so proximity, or attentiveness, or her paying attention to me had supreme importance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as an emotionally-avoidant person, it didn\u2019t have importance to her. Plus, she was an introvert; so there was not a lot coming this way. It caused me to be anxious, and that caused a lot of problems. We, literally, didn\u2019t really put our finger on it until we started looking at it and saying, \u201cWhat is this thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Well, we burned out of the ministry after ten years; and we knew something was wrong. We prayed the prayer in Psalms, \u201cLord, search my heart\u2026\u201d Boy, if there is one prayer that God answers, it is that prayer: \u201cShow <em>me<\/em> the broken places in me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> God began to reveal <em>what<\/em> those broken places were and, eventually, the root of those broken places, which was\u2014I did some research in it in attachment theory. Basically, researchers are researching how our early attachment impacts our adult relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd there I was\u2014all over the page. I thought: \u201cYou don\u2019t outgrow this. It stays with you as an adult.\u201d I would say those first 15 years\u2014we didn\u2019t fight, because neither one of us knew how to even engage on an emotional level. But it was just\u2014I would say it was very superficial. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So if I had come to you, in year 14, and said \u201cKay, on a scale of one to ten, how\u2019s your marriage?\u201d would you have given it a high score?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> I think I would have said: \u201cOh, yes; it\u2019s pretty good. We don\u2019t fight,\u201d which I didn\u2019t see as a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> It actually is a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> It means there is a lack of honesty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay: <\/strong>And yet, I think it was the pain of quitting the ministry, plus that repetitive dance\u2014he felt too needy to me \/ I felt too distant to him. I would say there was pain; but because I was so emotionally avoidant, I had a hard time acknowledging it and really being real about it. And that was part of the growth process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Would you have given it a lower score, Milan? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWould you have said \u201cYes, we have some issues\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> No; because I think: A) I wasn\u2019t aware of what the issues were; B) I was too busy praying that somehow God would change <em>her<\/em> [Laughter] instead of the prayer you just said: \u201cGod, what inside me\u2026?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the one God answered. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then I would have to say I would tend to see things as the glass half full, so I would tend to not look at reality. I would see things the way I <em>wanted<\/em> them to be, which is to not see things from a realistic base.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> See, here\u2019s the reason I bring this up; because I think there are a lot of couples today who would say, \u201cYes; our marriage is good.\u201d It\u2019s because they have <em>never<\/em> experienced what you guys <em>came<\/em> to experience as you learned how to process these emotional issues and connect, emotionally.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, functionally, their marriage is good; but emotionally, they\u2019re distant from one another. They just don\u2019t know that it can be anything more than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> That\u2019s a very good description. Now, looking back, I would rate my marriage very differently; but you don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s part of God giving you wisdom and revelation\u2014is helping you understand what you <em>don\u2019t<\/em> know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the things you both talk about in the book is that there is a question you like to ask individuals that helps unlock kind of where they are\u2014from growing up, emotionally\u2014that really is a key to better understanding them. What\u2019s that question and how did you come to find that question being so central?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> That question came about as being so central because we realized\u2014looking in retrospect, after we had done a lot of work\u2014the missing elements in our relationship. That question is: \u201cDo you have a memory of comfort from your childhood and adolescence, in which you felt that you could take a distress\u2014an emotional pain\/a cognitive pain\u2014and bring it in to relationship with somebody bigger than you, and they would comfort you and you would feel relief?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKay and I realized, after we began to comfort one another, that we had not had this element in our life. If the answer is, \u201cNo,\u201d then we, as people, will turn to non-relational means to manage our internal distress. We will go to non-relational sources, many of which are a lot of the addictions we see, where we turn to some place to medicate and make our pain go away; or we distract. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe answer that Kay and I learned was that we learned to turn to people. As adults, we learned to turn to one another as sources of comfort. If that\u2019s the case, then you will find that you can bring yourself \/ the real you into relationship and receive the kind of comfort that God tells us to bring to one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Kay, you didn\u2019t have a memory of being comforted as a child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> No; I did not have one memory. My parents never once asked me how I felt about anything. There was an unspoken rule: \u201cFigure it out on your own, and pull yourself up by the bootstraps.\u201d I got in trouble for crying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just learned to shut down my emotions and not feel, which is the Avoider imprint. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you think of a memory of comfort\u2014missing those\u2014I did not know how to go to my husband and say: \u201cHey, I\u2019m not okay. I need a hug,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m not sure what I even feel.\u201d The basis of bonding is emotional connection and vulnerability\u2014it\u2019s just missing in my family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you have a memory, Milan, of being comforted as a child?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> No; I could not bring my real self into the family relationship, because I had an explosive parent. The idea of bringing an emotion of pain just did not work. I learned to stuff everything and hold it all in\u2014I couldn\u2019t be transparent and vulnerable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So your explosive parents created fear in you that\u2014if you were honest about what you were feeling \/ what you\u2019re going through\u2014that was going to be met with additional pain of anger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Well, at least, it would be met with an objection. That, of course, then frightened me; because I didn\u2019t want to escalate anything in my home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so you get married\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and you can see how that can easily repeat itself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s exactly the point. I took what I had been molded into and I carried that into my adult relationship, which, in reality, didn\u2019t work well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> But we didn\u2019t know better. Now, we loved each other; but we really didn\u2019t get that there was a missing piece\u2014that had we had parents, where we could find comfort, just like we were discussing earlier\u2014then this would have been natural to bring our real selves into relationship with one another. That was not the case.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I read about this in your book and reflected in my own life about this. Bob, I want you to as well. I thought, \u201cDid I have that with my parents?\u201d I thought, \u201cI really did,\u201d primarily, with my mom. The thought that came to my mind was reflecting back to when I was sick, as a little boy, and in distress\/not feeling well. She was a nurse at heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe would comfort me; she would come to my bedside. I just felt like she wrapped her arms of love around me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I moved into marriage with Barbara, I was more comfortable, in my skin, than she was. I\u2019d ask her, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d and she would use the shortest word in the English vocabulary\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis and Milan:<\/strong> \u201cNothing.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And what her answer really was: \u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong.\u201d That was our journey, beginning early in marriage until finally\u2014I think about year 25\u2014I finally understood, with Barbara, that what she was looking for from me was not an answer but just an identification of what she was expressing and say: \u201cYou know, I am really sorry this distressing to you. I want you to know I\u2019m in it with you. I want to bear that burden with you and for you, as your husband.\u201d That was breakthrough for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But it took a lot of mistakes to get to that point in year 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Yes; sure. But you use the word, \u201cburden,\u201d there: \u201cI wanted to bear her burden.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn all these \u201c\u2026one another\u2019s\u201d of Scripture\u2014require a vulnerability with one another. We\u2019re supposed to bear one another\u2019s burdens; we\u2019re supposed to encourage one another \/ comfort one another. How do we comfort one another if we don\u2019t know where the other person\u2014or if I can\u2019t share with you that I\u2019m uncomfortable or that I\u2019m discouraged? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church, at large, does not know how to train and equip the church to be able to bring this emotional self to other people\u2014to say, \u201cHere\u2019s the real me\u201d; and therefore, couples don\u2019t connect on this level. Dennis, you\u2019re absolutely right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Back to you, Bob\u2014on the question for you. I want to know how you answer that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The question of: \u201cDo I remember being comforted as a child?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; in a time of distress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I don\u2019t remember it from my dad, who was pretty detached. My mom\u2019s comfort was acts of service, so it was not an emotional bonding. It was caring for your needs\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014there wasn\u2019t a lot of feeling with it. It was more functional than feeling. I can\u2019t go back and say, \u201cThis was a time when I was really emotionally distraught, and I felt emotionally comforted.\u201d I felt my needs being met but not a lot of emotion tied to that. Does that make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Sure; it does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes; they\u2019re your physical needs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay: <\/strong>\u2014she cooked your meals; she ironed your clothes\/washed your clothes. My mom did all those things too\u2014she was a very <em>nice<\/em> person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what we\u2019re talking about is that someone sees a hurt\/a stress\u2014something inside you a parent is even aware of that\u2014and my parents were not. And then, also, just the ability to draw that out and help you <em>name<\/em> what is inside. You know, those memories help us to articulate our inner self. When we don\u2019t have a parent asking about it, in our self, we\u2019re completely missing that skill.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t remember if I <em>heard<\/em> my parents have this conversation or if I heard my mom tell me about it at some point later. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as a teenager, I think mom said to me that she would bristle at my dad saying, \u201cI love you,\u201d because she wanted him\u2014not to say it\u2014but to show it: \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you love me. Show me you love me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The message that came through to me was: \u201cThat\u2019s how you demonstrate love for others\u2014is you show it. You don\u2019t say it.\u201d That affects how I understood what a love relationship looks like\u2014is that you do it through demonstration, and all the rest is just frou-frou.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And I just wanted to comment: \u201cIf you don\u2019t know what communicates love to your spouse, you have to start by becoming a student of them and ask the question, \u2018What does communicate love to you?\u2019 Don\u2019t ask the question one time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; because it can change over time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It does change over time. I think, as you grow up\u2014I think marriage is God\u2019s gift to us to help us grow up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Oh, amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We can begin to articulate how the other person can express love \/ how they can comfort us in a time of distress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> I have one thought there. If you had asked me that question in the first 15 years, I would have said: \u201cClean the house. Do the dishes\u2026\u201d\u2014anything that was a <em>task<\/em>, because that\u2019s all I could value. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, sometimes, we pick how we want to be shown love out of our woundedness. As I realized that my family didn\u2019t bond, and I didn\u2019t have a vocabulary of feelings, my deepest need for love made me very uncomfortable. Ask me how I feel\u2014I\u2019ll need a feeling word list to answer that question\u2014and be available for comfort, even though I\u2019m going to be completely, and totally, miserably uncomfortable asking for it or having a holding time. It took me a <em>year<\/em> to become comfortable with what I most deeply needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you said it was understanding attachment theory that was a breakthrough for you in your marriage relationship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Yes; it was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So explain what happened and how that \u201cAha!\u201d happened for you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kay:<\/strong> Well, I actually began to study attachment because I was working with a woman, on a very part-time basis, that worked with adopted children. What I discovered was that there are five love styles or attachment styles and that we learn these very early. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey were researched by stressing a mom and infant\u2014well, the baby is 18 months old. The mom leaves the room and comes back, so that stresses a child. They observed patterns as to how those babies responded to a mom leaving and a mom returning: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Avoider child just dismissed any need\u2014didn\u2019t cry when mom left; didn\u2019t seek her comfort when she came back. At 18 months, that child has already learned, \u201cDon\u2019t go to mom for comfort.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Pleaser, who is a more fearful pursuer, usually has a parent that\u2019s traumatized them or, like you said, an angry parent; so they just become the good kid. They\u2019re the Pleaser. I thought \u201cWell, that\u2019s my husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then the ambivalent or Vacillator is a person who got enough attachment to want more but not enough to satisfy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen the chaotic or Controller \/ Victim is a person who came from a really difficult home, and there is no rhyme or reason to connection. There\u2019s trauma in this home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I began to read through these styles, I realized: \u201cI\u2019m still the Avoider. He\u2019s still the Pleaser. We don\u2019t just outgrow these.\u201d These are early imprints that really stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like it was an open door\u2014that God gave me and you so much wisdom as to what was at root of the brokenness. We began to have conversations about our background, so that we could understand \u201cHow did this happen?\u201d That was a real turning point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Maybe you just answered the question I was about to ask you; but I\u2019m thinking of a listener, who is sitting here, going, \u201cI\u2019ve never thought of that question of \u2018When was the first time I felt distress and was first comforted?\u2019\u201d They, like you two expressed, have a blank slate. What do they do with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Well, for us, it was starting from scratch. We all have to realize God wants us to conform to the image of Christ. Our starting spot is where our family left us; or our starting spot is where life left us\u2014including the pluses, the minuses, the joys, the sorrows, the traumas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> When we come to Christ, that\u2019s our starting spot; so we need to all grow up. We had to learn a whole new vocabulary, Dennis. We had to just struggle through shame and embarrassment or\u2014and get out that feelings word list you were talking about, Kay; and look at it and say, \u201cWhat am I feeling right now?\u201d It was hard to take amorphous things that were going on inside of me and put words to them. Eventually, we became more literate in our emotional intelligence and now we can then speak to one another, really, in another language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think the key word you said is \u201cgrow.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s absolutely right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You have to start where you are, and you need to commit yourself to grow. That\u2019s what God delights in doing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> Right; He does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> This book is a book of transformation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like to say it this way\u2014when I got married, I thought I understood what love was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan and Kay:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But in essence, what I did was\u2014I enrolled in the first grade of faith and the first grade of love\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Milan:<\/strong> [Laughter] I love that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and hopefully, I don\u2019t stay in the first grade\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014I don\u2019t repeat the first grade\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014over and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014for 25 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But continue to grow and learn the lessons that God has for me. I just would encourage the listener, who has a blank slate, and goes: \u201cYou know what? I don\u2019t know what you guys are talking about. I\u2019m emotionally illiterate.\u201d Well, open the Book [the Bible] and go to 1 Corinthians 13. Begin to ask God to make these words a part of your vocabulary\u2014it says: \u201cLove is patient and kind; it does not envy or boast. It\u2019s not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It\u2019s not irritable or resentful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014I don\u2019t care whether you\u2019ve been a follower of Jesus Christ for a year or for 50 years\u2014you got to keep on graduating from the class that you\u2019re in right now, and move forward and press into Jesus Christ, and pray that prayer. You talked about praying a prayer: \u201cGod help us in our marriage learn how to love one another better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and after you\u2019ve meditated on that list from 1 Corinthians 13 for a while, go online and take the \u201cHow We Love Inventory\u201d that you guys have put together. We\u2019ve got a link at FamilyLifeToday.com where people can go over and fill out the inventory and find out what your core style is. As you learn to put words to what you\u2019re feeling and learn to relate more effectively with one another, you\u2019ll grow closer in your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMilan and Kay have written about this in their book, <em>How We Love: Discover Your Love Style and Enhance Your Marriage<\/em>. We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. There\u2019s a workbook that goes along with it. You can order both from us if you\u2019d like. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about these resources or to take the \u201cHow We Love Inventory.\u201d And again, you can do that online for free. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you\u2019d like to order. Our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we are so grateful for those of you who are, not only regular listeners to this radio program, but those of you who have taken the extra step to help make this program possible for your fellow listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, what you\u2019re doing is ensuring that tens of thousands of young couples, young parents\u2014people who are experiencing challenges in their marriage or family\u2014they\u2019re getting the practical biblical help and hope they need thanks to your generosity in supporting the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We are grateful for your partnership with us\u2014those of you who are regular monthly Legacy Partners and those of you who will, from time to time, make a donation to support our work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRight now, if you can help with a donation, we\u2019d love to send you a book that was written by our friend, Bryan Loritts\u2014that\u2019s all about what\u2019s at the heart of the gospel. And of course, at FamilyLife, that\u2019s what\u2019s at the heart of all we do. The book is called <em>The Cross-Shaped Gospel<\/em>, and it\u2019s our gift to you when you partner with us here in this ministry. You can make a donation today, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com; or call to donate\u20141-800-FL-TODAY. You can also request the book when you mail your donation to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019ll continue to explore how our emotions shape how we love one another and how we can do a better job of understanding our emotions and expressing what we\u2019re feeling to our spouse. Milan and Kay Yerkovich will be back with us. We hope you\u2019ll be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time with another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300383","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300383"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300383"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300383"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300383"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300383"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300383"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300383"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}