{"id":300379,"date":"2018-09-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-09-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/persisting-in-love\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:33","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:33","slug":"persisting-in-love","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/persisting-in-love\/","title":{"rendered":"Persisting in Love"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Shauna Shanks never imagined her husband would ask for a divorce after ten years of marriage. But she made a decision not to give up. Find out how her perseverance and patience paid off.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:26","filesize":"22.37M","filesize_raw":"23456888","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849,2908,2903,2863],"tags":[4215,2976,4033,2410,4537,4536],"podcast_series":[7248],"cwp_profile":[8851],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300379","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","category-forgiveness","category-infidelity","category-saving-a-marriage","tag-1-corinthians-13","tag-christian-marriage","tag-divorce","tag-having-an-affair","tag-recovering-from-an-affair","tag-shock","podcast_series-a-fierce-love","cwp_profile-shauna-shanks","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300379\/persisting-in-love","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300379\/persisting-in-love","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"5g3Yzou791\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/persisting-in-love\/\">Persisting in Love<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/persisting-in-love\/embed\/#?secret=5g3Yzou791\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Persisting in Love&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"5g3Yzou791\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Author Shauna Shanks never imagined her husband would ask for a divorce after ten years of marriage. But she made a decision not to give up. Find out how her perseverance and patience paid off.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-09-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When a husband says to his wife, \u201cI\u2019ve never loved you,\u201d when he\u2019s been unfaithful to her, it\u2019s only natural that a wife would say, \u201cMy heart can\u2019t heal from that\u201d; but God asked Shauna Shanks to do something that was not natural \/ to do something supernatural\u2014that was to keep her marriage together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> God had instructed me to go to 1 Corinthians 13: \u201cBe patient. Be kind,\u201d with him. I was kind of exercising that and, really for the first time in my life, learning love is a discipline instead of just as a feeling or something that came naturally. Every single day, I was just like: \u201cBe kind; he\u2019s around. Be kind; don\u2019t say anything. Don\u2019t do anything that disagrees with what God\u2019s told me to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was just in a point where he did not want to talk to me. He was really kind of\u2014if I tried to reach out and touch him, he kind of flinched; but I caught him in a mood, where he was willing to talk to me, and he wasn\u2019t being nasty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI sat down beside him. In the course of that conversation, he admitted that he was having an affair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought: \u201cGod has told me to do this thing, but I can <em>never<\/em> heal from this. I will <em>never<\/em> recover. Even, if by some miracle, my husband wants me back, I will <em>never<\/em> be able to let him touch me again,\u201d\u2014like I was offended that God asked me to be kind to this man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. If God was going to save the Shanks\u2019 marriage, He was going to have to do something dramatic in Shauna Shanks\u2019 heart. We\u2019ll hear about what happened today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. When a husband or a wife hurts their partner, our natural response, when we\u2019ve been hurt by our spouse, is not to respond in love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, that\u2019s not <em>my<\/em> natural response when Mary Ann says or does something that is hurtful. We want to kind of get even; don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Do you do that by lashing out or by withdrawing? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m more of a withdrawer than a lasher-outer; but I am, in the back of my mind, thinking about \u201cHow can I make this uncomfortable for <em>you<\/em> the way you\u2019ve made things uncomfortable for me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFull disclosure\u2014I speak on conflict resolution at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway; right? The reality is\u2014we are going to have conflict in a marriage. That\u2019s because we\u2019re humans \/ because we\u2019re sinful. The question is: \u201cDo we know what to do when conflict happens?\u201d That\u2019s where I have to step out of my fleshly response and understand how God would have me respond in those moments. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to quickly add here, Dennis, that this week is the last opportunity that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners have to sign up to attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway [at a reduced price]. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee if you register before the weekend is over, so go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the getaway. You can register online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014we can answer any questions you\u2019ve got; we can get you registered over the phone. Save some money; mark out a weekend; get away together, and learn what the Bible has to say about how to build a strong foundation <em>under<\/em> your marriage so that when conflict does occur\u2014and it will\u2014and you blow it\u2014and you will\u2014you can find your way back to forgiveness and to oneness, which is what you got married for in the first place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> A marriage that goes the distance\u2014that attempts to love as Christ loved the church\u2014has to lay aside rights and has to accept the other person. It is one thing to do that when things are kind of normal\u2014with some normal humanity entering into the relationship between two imperfect people\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but it\u2019s quite another thing when, as we\u2019ve been talking about this week, your spouse confesses that he\u2019s no longer in love with you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and not attracted to you; and after ten years of marriage, he wants a divorce. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s where our guest, the author of <em>A Fierce Love<\/em>, Shauna Shanks, joins us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Shauna, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Hi. Thanks for having me back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I just appreciate your honesty. Your husband did come to you some\u2014like one month before your tenth anniversary\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and confess he\u2019s out of love\u2014has no feelings \/ not attracted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnytime I hear a story like this, I think: \u201cSo, who has his heart? What\u2019s going on here? Was there somebody else?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes; so God had instructed me to go to 1 Corinthians 13. For two weeks, he remained in the home, initially, because I just asked him to because I didn\u2019t know what to tell the kids. We hadn\u2019t made any decisions, but he was living in the home and not really\u2014we weren\u2019t really talking to each other\u2014and God had instructed me to \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u00a0\u201cBe patient. Be kind,\u201d with him. I was kind of exercising that and, really for the first time in my life, learning love is a discipline instead of just as a feeling or something that came naturally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you thinking, in the back of your mind: \u201cMaybe, he\u2019ll snap out of this,\u201d and \u201cThis will just be a phase that he went through\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know that I was because, honestly, it was not natural how I was responding. Every single day, I was just like: \u201cBe kind; he\u2019s around. Be kind; don\u2019t say anything. Don\u2019t do anything that disagrees with what God\u2019s told me to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just curious\u2014in those first two weeks, was there a moment where your commitment to 1 Corinthians 13\u2014to live that out before God\u2014was really put to the test in a set of circumstances? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Every single day. It was like\u2014honestly, it was like a full-time job. He was just at a point where he did not want to talk to me. He was really kind of\u2014if I tried to reach out and touch him, he kind of flinched. I woke up in the middle of the night one night; and it was his night off. He works nights; so even on his days off, he\u2019s up half the night because he can\u2019t go to sleep. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomething had awakened me in the middle of the night\u2014and usually, I wouldn\u2019t do this\u2014and I got out of bed. I saw that he was in the living room with the lights on. As I said, we weren\u2019t really communicating much; but I caught him in a mood, where he was willing to talk to me, and he wasn\u2019t being nasty. I sat down beside him; and in the course of that conversation, he admitted that he was having an affair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that because I had those two weeks of practicing the love filter and learning love is a discipline, I was able to respond to him in a <em>completely<\/em> different way than I ever would have thought that I could. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you hadn\u2019t had the love filter \/ if you hadn\u2019t had two weeks of that discipline, what would you have done? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> I think I would have <em>completely<\/em> lost it. That\u2019s why I am <em>so<\/em> thankful for the presence of God, who drew near to me; because the Bible says, \u201cHe is near to the brokenhearted.\u201d For me to realize that\u2014and realize He is good on His Word \/ that He was near me\u2014it was, honestly, like I felt this invisible hand on my shoulder. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt how I responded to him mattered, and it mattered to God because we had this thing going on\u2014me and Him. He just said, \u201cLove is patient, Shauna. Be patient.\u201d I thought, \u201cI need to respond this way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shauna, it is one thing to have your husband say: \u201cI don\u2019t love you anymore. I\u2019m not attracted to you. I want a divorce,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s one level of betrayal. Two weeks later, to hear that he\u2019s having an affair\u2014that\u2019s kind of like the knife was in, and he just twisted it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m not saying for every single marriage; but for me, God had already directed me to 1 Corinthians 13 and said, \u201cDo this.\u201d I was clinging to the Word of God; so I thought, \u201cUntil He tells me otherwise, I\u2019m just going to keep doing that. I\u2019m just going to keep working through 1 Corinthians 13 and doing what He said and trust Him because my husband, at this point, has obviously shattered all of my trust, and he\u2019s broken my heart.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was <em>craving<\/em> love from my husband, and I wasn\u2019t getting it; but I was getting it from God. It <em>empowered<\/em> me to be able to respond differently to him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014because even though I should have been completely broken\u2014when you\u2019re <em>receiving<\/em> love from God\u2019s nearness like that, it was just really\u2014it changed the course of my life. That\u2019s why I\u2019m able to stand here, healed, talking to you today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> At that moment, when he confessed the affair, what was going on in your mind? What were you thinking? What were you feeling? Did you melt down, right there, in the middle of the night?\u2014you were sitting right next to him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Honestly, I felt relief; because I suspected that. Like you said, \u201cWhy else would you be acting like that?\u201d But when someone denies something, it makes you feel crazy. It kind of\u2014for a moment, I felt relief; then, I felt nauseated. Then, I felt\u2014I just heard the Lord say: \u201cBe patient. Be kind.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was almost like\u2014and this sounds crazy when I tell people this\u2014but it was almost like this sacred moment in the living room because\u2014not only did I know how I normally would have responded, which would have been completely a jealous rage, my husband knows how I normally would have responded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe fact that I didn\u2019t\u2014I <em>knew<\/em> that God was with me in that living room, helping me respond that way; and my husband knew it. We were both kind of just sitting there in awe like: \u201cLook at us. Look at the Spirit of God must be here, helping not to react that way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to ask him\u2014you had confronted him about an affair prior to this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if I did it out loud. I think I, maybe, said, \u201cIs there someone else?\u201d And he said, \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; you had had the thought, \u201cWhy else would he want out of the marriage?\u201d Did you have any suspicion?\u2014was there: \u201cI wonder if it\u2019s her,\u201d \u201cI wonder if it\u2019s her\u201d?\u2014was that going on in your mind? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Not until I found out that he had an affair. Then, after I knew that he had an affair, it put a whole other level to this love filter thing; because one of the Scriptures also\u2014as I said, I was studying in God\u2019s Word every day\u2014and one of the things that was really instrumental in my battle is 2 Corinthians 10:5\u2014it says we take every thought captive. So, after the affair, not only was I struggling to be nice, it was a battle in my thoughts\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not to repeat those imaginary images, whatever I imagined\u2014because I didn\u2019t know who she was; I didn\u2019t know details. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen something traumatic like that happens, your brain\u2014it\u2019s like it turns against you\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cRehash that,\u201d \u201cBring that up,\u201d \u201cThink about her,\u201d \u201cThink about that, \u201cThink about her with him,\u201d which would have completely devastated me. There are verses in the Bible that are set up to protect us; so even though he had done this terrible thing to me, it is not going to be good for me to replay it over and over in my mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, it became this journey of honoring God with my mind: \u201cWhere are my thoughts? If they are not on Your Word and not what You are saying about me, then I shouldn\u2019t be thinking them; because it\u2019s not going to lead me to a good place.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When this news came out that he had an affair, I\u2019m thinking that a lot of wives\u2014the first reaction would be: \u201cWho is it? How many times? Where?\u201d\u2014all the details. They want all of their questions answered. Did you want those questions answered? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> So, I absolutely did; but one of the mornings after I found out about the affair\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014again, I was back in my son\u2019s bunk bed. I remember waking up, and there was this verse that was in my mind. It\u2019s Philippians 4:8\u2014it says, \u201cWhatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; if anything is acceptable or praiseworthy, think on these things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe night before, I found out the woman\u2019s name that had slept with my husband. I really, really desperately wanted to get on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and find out who she was; but when I woke up with that verse, I thought: \u201cOkay; but if I investigate that, those thoughts aren\u2019t lovely. That\u2019s not admirable. That\u2019s not praiseworthy. That\u2019s not going to be excellent for me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was like there was this fork in the road of doing what my flesh wants to do, which is\u2014which would be a normal reaction, I think: \u201cAt least, I deserve to know who she is,\u201d\u2014or am I going to follow this verse and continue to guard my mind and think on those things? I literally remember having a moment with God, where I was like, \u201cNo; I deserve to know who she is.\u201d I <em>knew<\/em> to go one way, and I went the other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI left that verse, hovering in my son\u2019s room; and I went downstairs and opened up my laptop, and I looked her up. I showed my husband the laptop; and I said, \u201cIs this her?\u201d He said, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn that moment, it was like the little bubble that God had been keeping me safe in just shattered into a million pieces. I think the eyes are the window to your soul. In my investigations, I just remember thinking: \u201cShe is the most attractive, beautiful, trendy looking woman. I can never compete with that.\u201d My confidence was shot. I was just devastated. Everything that should have hit me, days before\u2014that I feel like God had sheltered me from\u2014I mean, it just <em>devastated<\/em> me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your love filter went away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> It was gone; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> That is what happens in disobedience. I remember grabbing a credit card; putting it in my back pocket and just leaving my house. My kids were home. My husband was home, and I had no plan. I don\u2019t know where I was going, but it was fall in Ohio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt gets dark really early, so it started to get dark. It started to rain; and it was really, really cold. I\u2019m just wandering around side streets and alleys just sobbing\/thinking: \u201cThis is over. This is ridiculous. What am I doing? I thought God had told me to do this thing, but I can <em>never<\/em> heal from this. I will <em>never<\/em> recover. Even, if by some miracle, my husband wants me back, I will never be able to let him touch me again.\u201d I was offended that God had asked me to be kind to this man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I am kind of screaming at God and thinking, \u201cI hate him; I hate her,\u201d my Aunt Jan\u2014she had kind of been my accountability in this season \/ my confidant in this season\u2014she kept calling me: \u201cWhere are you?\u201d I let it go; I let it go\u2014I kept not answering the phone. Finally, when I did answer it, I was belligerent\u2014I said: \u201cI know what you are going to tell me\u2014to keep being obedient to God and do this. No; I\u2019m done. Do you understand me? I hate him; I hate her. I will never get over this, and I\u2019m done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI just want to know where you are, so I can go with you.\u201d I wrote a whole chapter in the book about that; because when I finally came home, the credit card had fallen out of my back pocket. It was lost\u2014who knows who was using it? My eyes were swollen. I was sore from shivering; and you know\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You\u2019d been wandering the roads\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> For a while; yes\u2014just sobbing; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014on foot\u2014on foot, not in a car. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Not in a car\u2014nope. I wasn\u2019t prepared. I had left in a frenzy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I came back to my house, Aunt Jan and Shannon\u2014the other lady who walked this season with me\u2014were waiting at my doorstep. They ended up staying with me that whole night. It was just such a beautiful picture of what the Christian community can be for one another; because they weren\u2019t saying, \u201cYou need to stay with your husband regardless,\u201d but they fear God. They said, \u201cIf God has told you to do a thing, don\u2019t worry about anyone else; don\u2019t worry about the circumstances; but obey God, because your safety is in obedience.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m just thinking of the power of a friend and presence\u2014not words, not a sermon, not a chapter and verse from the Bible. I was unprepared, probably, at\u2014not as much as you, obviously, in the moment\u2014but for what she said to you, \u201cI just want to be where you are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s got to be the right kind of friend, because you can have friends around you who are feeding your flesh rather than friends who are pointing you back to God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m telling you, Bob. I fear, personally\u2014within the Christian community\u2014there are too many \u201cfriends\u201d who come alongside someone like Shauna and say: \u201cMan, get the towel out, and I\u2019ll help you throw it in. I\u2019ll help you move toward divorce. We\u2019ll make all this work out on the other side.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014 and \u201cWe\u2019ll show him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWe\u2019ll take the pain of this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you have friends like that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Well, I didn\u2019t tell anyone; because I felt\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and this is, again, I\u2019m not saying this is for everyone\u2014one of the things in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13\u2014it says, \u201cLove protects.\u201d I thought, if we would get back together, he is\u2014he works in the community. I didn\u2019t want his name to be run through the mud. At first, my first move was not to tell anyone except for these two women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, now, having walked through it and having tried to counsel other women, it\u2019s hard not to be like, \u201cYou deserve better\u201d; because you want to tell somebody something that makes them feel good in the moment; but thank God, I had women who were like, \u201cWe don\u2019t know the outcome,\u201d but they were not afraid to let me do the hard thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I came home that night, Micah had gone to work; so I would have been alone with the kids. They fed my kids; they bathed them; they put them to bed; they made me a bed on the couch. They were rubbing my shoulders and praying with me, all night long, and both ladies had to get up and go to work the next day. When I got up, they were gone to work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, yes\u2014just modeling that Christian community and not expecting you to just to go through it on your own\u2014but also kind of being willing to walk through the hard things, together, as a community. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Shauna, what did your kids know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Well, my kids were a lot younger\u2014this was in 2013. The younger two\u2014they were really oblivious. They didn\u2019t know\u2014dad was still home. We weren\u2019t like raging in front of them; but my oldest son\u2014and there is a chapter in this book \/ in the book called \u201cSuffer the Children,\u201d and it tells about my husband was going to leave one night. He couldn\u2019t take it anymore; he was going to leave, and he was just going to sneak out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cNo; absolutely not. If you\u2019re going to leave, I\u2019m not telling your son. You tell him,\u201d because I didn\u2019t think he\u2019d do it. He sat him down; and he said, \u201cYou know, your mother and I\u2014we\u2019ve decided\u201d\u2014and he kind of gave this talk that seemed rehearsed or just really monotone like something he had read on the internet\u2014like, \u201cLots of parents do this,\u201d\u2014you know, just kind of walking him through what a divorced life would be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy oldest son\u2014it was really one of the most traumatic nights of my life, because\u2014he was eight\u2014he stood in the doorway with both arms out and his little legs out, crying \/ tears raining down his face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe just said: \u201cI don\u2019t understand why. Why, Daddy? Why?\u201d There\u2019s a whole chapter on how I reacted to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEventually, my husband never did end up moving out. He came back home that night; but it was one of those things, you know, where I feel like: \u201cYes; we want to shield our kids,\u201d\u2014but also, I kind of let him in just a little bit and said: \u201cYou know what? Do you think that the devil is real?\u201d He said, \u201cI guess so.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat do you think that we <em>do<\/em> when the enemy comes to attack us?\u201d He was like, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d I said, \u201cWe can pray.\u201d I said: \u201cI\u2019m going to pray for your dad, and <em>you\u2019re<\/em> going to pray for your dad. We\u2019re going to ask our friends to pray for your dad. Do you think God is not going to hear our prayers?\u201d He was like: \u201cI don\u2019t know. I guess so.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven in that moment, I was explaining to him that the enemy is a liar, and he is out to destroy us. He said, \u201cMom, how do you know that the enemy is a liar and that he is lying to Dad?\u201d I said: \u201cHe\u2019s telling your dad that he doesn\u2019t like me anymore. How could he not? I\u2019m awesome!\u201d [Laughter] So, this night that had started out so traumatically\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I even got some laughs out of him. It was like, \u201cHow good is God to even let that come out through my own pain?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was like: \u201cYou know what? I think that as much as my reaction is to shield my kids from things, they are going to have to learn how to suffer. They are going to learn how to do hard things. I want them to know that, in life, bad things are going to happen; but we don\u2019t just fall apart. We are not like the world. We have recourse. We can go to the God of the universe and ask Him for help; and He may not give us exactly what we want, but He will not leave us alone either.\u201d It\u2019s important for me, as a mom, to know that my kids know how to go through that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Shauna, you had spent a good bit of your life in church; right?\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as a little girl, growing up? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Would you say your spiritual life took off growing at that sacred moment in the middle of the night, when he confessed the affair, and you felt that sacredness that God was there? Was that the beginning, or was it his confession that he didn\u2019t love you anymore? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Even as a little girl, I knew that God was real and I could sense Him near; but there were about ten years of my life, where I was really lukewarm. There are some ways that you can only know God through walking through it. I knew Him as this great God of the universe and as a helper; but I didn\u2019t know Him as <em>healer<\/em> until I needed healing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many facets of God that, when He asks you to walk through something\u2014\u2014hang on and walk through it with Him because\u2014yes, that\u2019s bad; but to learn God in these other facets is <em>amazing<\/em>. I even call this whole affair season a journey; because I was on a journey of discovering, \u201cWho is God?\u201d and seeing that He was competent to walk me through that, and He was more than enough for my needs. I mean, I wouldn\u2019t trade it for the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like the way you describe that because I think, many times, the spiritual embers that are in our hearts really can grow into flames in the midst of the dark valley \/ in the midst of having nowhere else to turn\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014in the midst of the pain that just drives you against God to say, \u201cYou have to be my refuge, my strength, my hope, my shield; because if You aren\u2019t, who will be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> And what it did for me was\u2014it grew my faith. Before, in my mind, I knew God was real; now, when I need to trust God for something, I trust Him more and more wholeheartedly because I\u2019ve seen Him walk me through these hard things. I saw that He didn\u2019t leave my side and that He provided for me. It kind of went from\u2014move from this head knowledge to: \u201cWow! God is real, and His Word is more than just beautiful poetry on paper. It\u2019s life-changing. It can change our lives if we let it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There are so many great lessons in your story. I\u2019m just thinking of friends, who know someone who is going through what you\u2019re going through. You\u2019re friends with someone who needs the presence of a human being \/ who needs someone on a mission from God to wrap their arms around them and say: \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No verses, no quick fixes: \u201cHow can I support you? How can I help you?\u201d I think the other lesson is just what you\u2019ve modeled, Shauna, which is a great lesson for all of us\u2014every person\u2014is to seek God. When you fail, and you get belligerent with God, and you sound off, He\u2019s not threatened by that. Read the Psalms\u2014David was irreverent; imagine that!\u2014the guy who was used by God to write many of the psalms\u2014he questioned God. God can handle our emotional upheaval. He made us; He understands. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But the point is: \u201cDon\u2019t give up! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shauna:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cDon\u2019t quit! Your marriage, your family, your legacy, and your life are all worth it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s not just \u201cDon\u2019t quit,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cBe proactive with a <em>fierce<\/em> love\u2014that\u2019s what you modeled. That\u2019s the title of your book: <em>One Woman\u2019s Courageous Journey to Save Her Marriage<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014<em>A Fierce Love<\/em> by Shauna Shanks. We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go to our website to order a copy. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and request your copy of the book, <em>A Fierce Love<\/em>. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, that\u2019s where you can go for more information about the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway as well. For those of you who are regular listeners, you\u2019ve heard us talk about this getaway for <em>years<\/em>. I know a lot of you have said, \u201cYes; we ought to do that sometime,\u201d and you\u2019ve just never marked out the weekend; you\u2019ve never done it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a special incentive for you right now. If you will sign up this week, you\u2019ll save 50 percent off the regular registration fee. We want to do whatever we can to get you to one of these getaways; because it\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> weekend away for a couple to build strength, and health, and wholeness into your marriage. Find out more and take advantage of the savings when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call if you have any questions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can get you registered over the phone: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, don\u2019t forget Shauna\u2019s book, <em>A Fierce Love<\/em>; get a copy of that book from us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re going to hear about how Shauna Shanks\u2019 marriage got from where it was to where it is today. It\u2019s in a good place today; but we\u2019ll hear how it got there\u2014hear the rest of the story tomorrow. I hope our listeners can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch. We got some help from Mark Ramey. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300379","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300379"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300379"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300379"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300379"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300379"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300379"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300379"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}