{"id":300357,"date":"2018-08-31T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-08-31T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/teen-rebel\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:31","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:31","slug":"teen-rebel","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/teen-rebel\/","title":{"rendered":"Teen&#8230; Rebel?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach | Series: Why I Didn&#8217;t Rebel | Self-admitted non-rebel Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach interviewed former teen rebels. Lindenbach tells what she learned from these prodigals about being heard and understood, household rules, dating, and more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Self-admitted non-rebel Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach interviewed former teen rebels. Lindenbach tells what she learned from these prodigals about being heard and understood, household rules, dating, and more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-08-31.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:55","filesize":"23.73M","filesize_raw":"24883571","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2852,2855,2870],"tags":[4517,2287,4296,4514,4515,4516,4357,4131],"podcast_series":[7243],"cwp_profile":[8849],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300357","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-discipline","category-teens","category-tweens","tag-hope-for-parents","tag-parenting-challenges","tag-prodigals","tag-rebel","tag-rebellion","tag-teen-angst","tag-teen-dating","tag-teenage-rebellion","podcast_series-why-i-didnt-rebel","cwp_profile-rebecca-gregoire-lindenbach","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300357\/teen-rebel","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300357\/teen-rebel","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"qGtEbvxr9i\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/teen-rebel\/\">Teen&#8230; Rebel?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/teen-rebel\/embed\/#?secret=qGtEbvxr9i\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Teen&#8230; Rebel?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"qGtEbvxr9i\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Self-admitted non-rebel Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach interviewed former teen rebels. Lindenbach tells what she learned from these prodigals about being heard and understood, household rules, dating, and more.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-08-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As you think about the conversations youhave with your teenagers, in how many of those conversations would you say you\u2019re being motivational or inspirational? Rebecca Lindenbach says your kids will respond to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Kids are very, very capable of reasoning and of making good decisions. It\u2019s just that they need to be given the proper stage to do it. That\u2019s where conversations with parents are so important, and that\u2019s where it\u2019s honest conversations with parents\u2014not just, \u201cHere\u2019s what you aren\u2019t allowed to do,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s more: \u201cHere\u2019s my hopes for you\u2026\u201d \u201cHere are my dreams for you\u2026\u201d \u201cHere\u2019s how I see God being able to work through your life. Here is my concern with how you are acting, and how it might get in the way of that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, August 31<sup>st<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Our kids aren\u2019t robots; but as parents, there are things we can do to point them, and to even nudge them, in the right direction. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019ve been sitting here thinking today: \u201cHow many of our kids would I say rebelled?\u201d Rebellion is kind of on a grading scale; isn\u2019t it? I mean, there\u2019s wholesale rebellion, where the kid just says, \u201cI completely reject everything you\u2019re all about.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and becomes a prodigal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; but there are little acts of independence and rebellion that emerge during the teenage years that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> They don\u2019t identify themselves as a prodigal, but they\u2019re toying with the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You wouldn\u2019t say the child\u2019s a rebel, but you would say the child broke the rules or was making his or her own choices\u2014and not good choices\u2014at the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest with us today, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, all the way from Ottawa, Canada; heh?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes! That\u2019s exactly right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right! She\u2019s written a book called <em>Why I Didn\u2019t Rebel<\/em>. We\u2019re talking about a 23-year-old young lady. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s newly-married to Connor since 2015, and she\u2019s written a book called <em>Why I Didn\u2019t Rebel<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, if you\u2019re a parent about to raise teenagers, or you\u2019re in the thick of it, you\u2019re going, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m turning the radio up just a little louder at this point.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and, Rebecca, here\u2019s what moms and dads are hoping for\u2014and we just have to, at the beginning, say, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to give you what you\u2019re hoping for,\u201d\u2014they\u2019re hoping for the checklist or the recipe\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014so that \u201cIf I can do these things, you will guarantee me that my kid won\u2019t rebel.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Well, exactly; because we all love a guarantee; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Guarantees are <em>safe<\/em>; guarantees are comfortable.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Teenagers are not safe or comfortable!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Well, God gives us this pesky thing called \u201cfree will\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> So the problem is\u2014you can do all of the \u201cright\u201d things; but at the end of the day, faith and a relationship with God is your kids\u2019 responsibility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI kind of see\u2014with my book and all of the interviews that I did, of kids who did and didn\u2019t rebel\u2014to figure out what makes some kids rebel and some kids stay on the straight and narrow is that parents do an amazing job. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey have an amazing responsibility of setting the stage for their kids. You\u2019re not in charge of their salvation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> So, doing what you can to set the stage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, as you did these interviews, if you had to identify the top two or three things that the rebels told you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Oooh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cThis is what pushed me in rebel direction,\u201d are there two or three things that stood out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> A big one was a feeling of powerlessness in their family. A big one was feeling like parents didn\u2019t understand them. And a lot of that came down to how parents handled rules in the house, and how parents handled who kind of made decisions and what kids were and weren\u2019t allowed to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So unpack that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Rules\u2014I love talking about rules; right?!\u2014because, whenever we talk about parenting, we talk about rules: \u201cWhat are your kids <em>allowed <\/em>to do?\u201d And when you\u2019re in high school, it\u2019s like, \u201cHow late are you allowed to stay up?!\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cWhat movies are you allowed to watch?\u201d It\u2019s like we\u2019re obsessed with where the lines are in the sand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And to that point, what were the rules in your house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> We didn\u2019t have any.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No rules?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Not really. And that was a big thing I found! And I\u2019ll explain what I mean, because\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Some teenagers, now, just turned the radio up! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes! Teenagers are like, \u201cHear that, Mom?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; but we did have boundaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I was getting ready to say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> I interviewed 25 young adults, and the ones who didn\u2019t rebel all said the same thing. When I asked them\u2014I asked them all this question: \u201cWhat kinds of rules did you have growing up?\u201d All of them said, \u201cI don\u2019t know!\u201d We couldn\u2019t really remember, because the thing for us is that we had more <em>guidelines<\/em>\u2014more <em>reasons<\/em> for why we shouldn\u2019t do things \/ more of these kind of moral patterns of behavior that were expected.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; here\u2019s an example\u2014in our family, my dad is very asthmatic and has a ton of allergies. My sister and I loved fluffy boas. We dressed up in them like crazy! We were about four and six years old and, of course, this was going to send my dad to the ER; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Like he was just going to be completely stuffed up. My mom would sit us down and say: \u201cOkay; Daddy\u2019s allergic to your feather boas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe want Daddy to be able to breathe, so the feather boas need to stay downstairs.\u201d It wasn\u2019t this <em>rule<\/em>, where if we brought the feather boas upstairs, we\u2019d get in trouble. It was just a <em>reason<\/em>: \u201cHere\u2019s why the boas stay downstairs.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo then, what would happen\u2014is we would have friends come over and play with our fluffy, feather boas and start to go upstairs. We would say: \u201cNo! You can\u2019t go upstairs, because we want our Daddy to be able to breathe\u201d; right? We would pounce on our friends and take off the feather boas and make sure they were always put away, because we understood the <em>reason<\/em> behind the rule. I know that\u2019s a very strange example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; that\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> But as I was growing up, obviously, the rules changed; and the boundaries are discussed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What about dating? Did you have a rule on dating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> That\u2019s actually the one I was going to go with next. [Laughter] My parents actually\u2014their views on dating evolved a lot as we were growing up. It started out as, \u201cYou\u2019re not allowed to date until you\u2019re 18.\u201d Then, as we got older, they kind of realized, \u201cWell, I don\u2019t really know if we believe that anymore\u201d; so we would talk about it\u2014we would honestly talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf my parents didn\u2019t know what they wanted from us, they would be like: \u201cWell, here\u2019s why we\u2019re concerned. We are concerned about you dating in high school for these reasons\u2026.\u201d \u201cThis is why we would prefer if, maybe, you didn\u2019t date in high school: Because we\u2019re worried you\u2019ll miss out on these things\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026.you\u2019ll get pressured into these things\u2026\u201d We understood their fears behind it. So when, you know, I might meet a guy that I really liked\u2014if it came to a point where we might start to date\u2014I knew I was <em>allowed <\/em>to; but I got to think through it for myself: \u201cIs this a good decision?\u201d because my parents were so open about it and so open with their <em>fears<\/em> and their concerns. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo here\u2019s an example\u2014growing up, I had a friend, whom I will call Mark. My parents had a very strict \u201cNo skyping or video chatting with boys\u201d policy when I was in high school, which is quite understandable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That sounds like a rule!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Not a rule! It\u2019s a policy!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You said policy; you said policy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> It\u2019s not a rule: \u201cSo here\u2019s what we wouldn\u2019t want you to do\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut, then, the rule difference is\u2014I went to them and said, \u201cThat\u2019s not fair.\u201d And they said, \u201cWhy?\u201d I said, \u201cWell, I\u2019m an international Bible quizzer,\u201d for which I used to go all over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery year\u2014we\u2019d go down to the States, or maybe it was in Canada\u2014but kids from all over, who did this international Bible quizzing competition, would get together. I would make these amazing friends who, then, lived in like South Carolina, or lived in Washington, or something. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said: \u201cWell, you know what? If I was in high school, I\u2019d be able to talk to my friends in the hall. I\u2019d be able to hang out with them; but because my friends are from across all of North America, I can\u2019t talk to them, so I need to be able to Skype with my friends, even if they\u2019re guys.\u201d That\u2019s why it was a policy and not a rule, because they listened to me. They said: \u201cYes! That\u2019s actually very fair, but would you please keep the door open while you\u2019re doing that?\u201d I said, \u201cThat\u2019s also fair!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo that became, kind of, our agreement of: \u201cThis is the guideline of how we\u2019re going to behave.\u201d That\u2019s the difference, I think, [with] a family that is more based on these guidelines of \u201cHow should we act as Christians?\u201d Why is it that they didn\u2019t want me video chatting? Well, it\u2019s because they didn\u2019t want me getting into any weird situations, where I was having these really intimate conversations, where my parents weren\u2019t involved\u2014right?\u2014or there weren\u2019t adults in the area. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, when my situation changed, and my friends were across different countries, the rules had to change; right? So we didn\u2019t have these set-in-stone rules.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so what I hear you saying is: \u201cIf a teenager can understand the \u2018why\u2019 behind the boundary, it helps them a lot.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Completely! The heart cry of teenagers is to be heard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> They want to be understood; so, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But what if you\u2019ve got a teenager, who is on the debate team? When they say, \u201cWell, why can\u2019t I do it?\u201d and you say, \u201cWell, here are the reasons why we feel this way\u2026\u201d Now, they\u2019re into, \u201cOkay; well, here are the reasons why your thinking is all wrong and messed up!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not an, \u201cI want to understand\u201d; it is an, \u201cI want to win!\u201d situation. Sometimes, moms and dads get into this, and they start to explain it; and the kids are saying: \u201cBut that\u2019s not fair! This isn\u2019t right! This isn\u2019t\u2026My friends get to do this!\u201d And finally, the parent says: \u201cBecause I say so!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes; exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cThat\u2019s all the reason you need.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s because these teenagers have been mugging you with, \u201cWell, Johnny gets to do it, and he goes to the youth group!\u201d [Laughter] You know what I\u2019m talking about!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes; I completely get what you\u2019re talking about. I was actually a very headstrong teenager; so I actually had a lot of those conversations with my parents, where we didn\u2019t agree. We didn\u2019t fight\u2014well, we fought. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would fight about some of these things; and a lot of it was around like clothes, often, and what I was allowed to wear; because my friends were allowed to wear these things, and my parents weren\u2019t comfortable with it. There would be one of those things, where I would think, \u201cWell, I technically could probably sneak out in it,\u201d but I just didn\u2019t want to be <em>ashamed<\/em>; so I never did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut a big thing that I would challenge that with is\u2014we want kids to follow God\u2019s truth. If kids are challenging it because it doesn\u2019t seem fair or right, truth will come out; right?\u2014if we stick through \/ are patient, and we are willing to put in the time and effort that it takes to have those difficult conversations. This is what my family\u2019s mantra was: \u201cEither the parents will realize that they\u2019re wrong, or the kids will,\u201d\u2014right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say that to our kids: \u201cLook, if I\u2019m wrong\u201d \/ \u201c\u2026you\u2019re mom and I are wrong on this deal, we\u2019ll back off.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Oh, exactly! And that actually happened with us quite a few times, like even about clothing stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: \u2014or the video skyping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Exactly! The video skyping\u2014like with them saying, \u201cYes; you\u2019re right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want to go back to the clothing stuff, because I want to understand the mind of a teenage girl, who is dressing in a way to turn heads and not hearts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> My parents were just really, really open and honest\u2014you know, I\u2019m going to sound like a broken record\u2014but they were open and honest about their fears and concerns, and about their hopes for us; right? My dad would see something I was wearing and just say: \u201cYou know what? The problem isn\u2019t that it doesn\u2019t look good on you. The problem is that guys are going to think it looks <em>too good <\/em>on you, and I\u2019m not comfortable, as your dad, having guys see that about you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe would be <em>really<\/em>, really honest with me; but he would tell me\u2014not only, \u201cHey, you\u2019re not allowed to wear that, because of this specific line that you\u2019ve crossed,\u201d\u2014it was more like, \u201cThis is why I\u2019m concerned.\u201d And I often didn\u2019t agree with him, because I really wasn\u2019t trying to dress to turn heads myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was more that I was very into figuring out what the trends of the day were. I was just innocent and na\u00efve and didn\u2019t realize a lot of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Now, we\u2019re talking about what\u2019s bound up in the heart\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014of a young lady in the teenage years, who\u2019s very impressionable by her peers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> And I was homeschooled, and the big thing for me was figuring out how to fit in; right? So, for me, clothing was the way to do that. My parents talking to me about their fears and concerns about that kind of mitigated a lot of the issues that I was having in figuring out, \u201cWho am I?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; so here\u2019s one of the things I\u2019d get in those conversations\u2014is: \u201cYeah, I don\u2019t think guys think the way you think they think. Maybe they did in <em>your<\/em> day, but that\u2019s not the way guys are today.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you ever throw that line out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes; I did! And my dad would say, \u201cYes; well then, can you just do this for me then?\u201d A lot of parents may not get that reaction from their kids; but when you are in a pattern of being honest with each other and having a <em>real<\/em> relationship, then you don\u2019t want to hurt the other person. I <em>never<\/em> would have wanted to do something to hurt my parents because, you know, I really enjoy being around them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, at the end of that conversation, was it your decision?\u2014or was it their decision?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> I always felt like it was my decision. I\u2019m not sure how much that was the reality, but it always <em>felt<\/em> like it was my decision!\u00a0 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Did you ever have to go back upstairs and change your clothes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Oh, yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014as you were getting ready to go to church?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Oh, yes! And a lot of times too\u2014my parents were very good at the whole situational thing too. I was a lifeguard\u2014pretty much, our dress code is bathing suit and short-shorts\u2014that\u2019s just what lifeguards wear. Obviously, the shorts I wore to work would not be appropriate to wear to church; and my parents were pretty good at figuring out the boundaries there with me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> We had those conversations <em>together<\/em>. It wasn\u2019t like my parents were upstairs, writing a list of rules that I was or was not allowed to wear something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> No; but they had policies and they had boundaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> They had their <em>policies<\/em> and their <em>boundaries<\/em>! [Laughter] Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hear you saying that a lot of dialogue\u2014a lot of openness and honesty\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Completely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014was a big part of you saying, \u201cOkay; this is reasonable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But you know that 15-year-old boys and girls aren\u2019t thinking what\u2019s reasonable. They\u2019re thinking, \u201cI want what I want right now!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> I do know that some of them do, but it\u2019s about: \u201cHow you have trained your kids to think? Are you in a family dynamic?\u201d This is why, a lot of times, it\u2019s so important to start so early. Like the feather boa example\u2014that was when I was four years old\u2014the idea of: \u201cOur actions have consequences, so how can we act in a way that brings us the consequences that are good?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we\u2019re in this habit of talking to kids like they <em>can <\/em>make the decisions, that their decisions <em>are <\/em>important, and that they <em>do <\/em>have the power to follow the Spirit in their life, you can have those good conversations with them. And you can start that as a teenager\u2014like you can repair relationships. I have a couple of stories of kids in there, where the repair really started when they were 17 years old\u2014in my book\u2014but it is so much easier if you start earlier.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Kids are very, very capable of reasoning and of making good decisions. It\u2019s just that they need to be given the proper stage to do it. That\u2019s where conversations with parents are so important\u2014and that\u2019s where it\u2019s <em>honest<\/em> conversations with parents\u2014not just, \u201cHere\u2019s what you aren\u2019t allowed to do,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s more: \u201cHere\u2019s my hopes for you\u2026\u201d \u201cHere are my dreams for you\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHere\u2019s how I see God being able to work through your life. Here is my concern with how you are acting, and how it might get in the way of that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I asked you, at the beginning of this dialogue, if there were two or three things that caused the kids who didn\u2019t rebel not to rebel, and you said they didn\u2019t have rules; they had boundaries; and they understood what the reason was behind those boundaries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me flip it\u2014the kids you talked to\u2014who did rebel?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> A lot of the kids I talked to, who did rebel, had very, very, very strict rules. There is one girl in the book, whose name is Shiloh. Shiloh grew up in a family that was very, very concerned about their children\u2019s spiritual health; you know? She\u2019s the first one to say that her parents were <em>so <\/em>involved, because they love their kids so hard. You know, they just love them so much, and they wanted them to know Jesus. And the way they did this was by trying to create rules; so that if they followed all of the rules, they\u2019d be the perfect kind of Christian family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> So they had family devotionals every single night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a rule, they had quotas for how many chapters of the Bible their kids had to read every single day. If any of those rules were broken, the kids would be punished; so Shiloh, if she missed a day of devotions\u2014she might lose her phone for a week. Although Shiloh\u2019s really grateful to have parents who are super-involved in her life, because that also brought a lot of benefits, she said the most heart-breaking thing to me in our interview\u2014she said God became part of the rules that she hated.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> That, to me, just broke my heart when I heard that. And then, what happened for her was\u2014she was in this home, where she felt like she could <em>never<\/em> follow the rules well enough; you know? She would make <em>one mistake<\/em>, and she would be punished; she would be grounded for a week or two; she would lose her phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe felt that her parents didn\u2019t trust her to make good decisions. What she would say\u2014like her parents would say: \u201cWe trust you. We trust you so much!\u201d but, because of all of these <em>rules<\/em> that they were so heavily enforcing, she just <em>felt<\/em> like she didn\u2019t have a chance to prove herself. What happened was\u2014she actually met this friend in school, who came from this really, really big, gregarious, Greek family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe started going over to their house all of the time. They weren\u2019t Christians; but what she saw there was unconditional acceptance, which she didn\u2019t feel she had in her family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLooking back now, she realizes that, even if she had made huge mistakes, her parents would have accepted her; but she didn\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> that, because that\u2019s not how their house was set up. Their house was set up so that the smallest infraction was punished; whereas, at her friend\u2019s house, they were loud and very involved in each other\u2019s lives. If they made a big mistake, they might get yelled at or something; but they were still accepted and loved. There wasn\u2019t the harsh sense of: \u201cYou have done wrong. You must be punished.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happened was that she started going over there more and more. They started serving alcohol to under-aged kids, and she started partaking. That\u2019s how she kind of got her entry into the party scene in high school. It wasn\u2019t until she found a friend\u2014she reconnected with, from back in junior high\u2014who introduced her to Christianity, as a relationship with Jesus, more so than a checklist of rules to follow, that she came back to God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat, to me, is just so sad; because you have these parents, who are trying <em>so hard <\/em>to give their kids this amazing relationship with God, and what they did was turn God into a list of rules that was telling Shiloh: \u201cYou\u2019re not good enough. You\u2019re not good enough. You\u2019re not good enough.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> One of the ways that I think parents create a home [that is open and honest] like you\u2019re talking about is, when a husband and a wife are so in sync with one another in how they\u2019re attempting to raise their children, as mom and dad together, that they represent a solid, single front to their kids. What\u2019s the best thing your dad did?\u2014and what\u2019s the best thing your mom did, as they were tag-team experts on raising this non-rebellious daughter of theirs? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> I talk about it in the book\u2014I struggled with depression in high school. My dad was much better at handling it than my mom was. That\u2019s okay. It\u2019s just that <em>he<\/em> would handle it in a much different way than my mom would, and I preferred his way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo he was\u2014my dad was\u2014the comforter, I would say, and my mom was the person who instilled in me to do big things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the challenger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> \u2014the challenger; exactly! I take after my mom a little more than my dad. I would love to be more comforting than I am. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy parents, though\u2014again, I know\u2014broken record; but they were so open, and they were honest with us. There were times when, if my dad did something wrong in an argument, my mom would go to him and say: \u201cHey! That wasn\u2019t okay. You need to apologize to the girls.\u201d He would come up, and he would apologize and say: \u201cYou know what? I spoke in anger. I\u2019m so sorry for that. That wasn\u2019t appropriate. Here\u2019s why I did it, so that you can understand that it isn\u2019t because I don\u2019t love you. It isn\u2019t because you did anything wrong in that situation. Can you forgive me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> So, when they didn\u2019t agree, it wasn\u2019t like they closed ranks and didn\u2019t let us in. It was more that they were open about their mistakes as well, which was so therapeutic for us! I mean, having a parent apologize to you, as a kid\u2014there is nothing that shows you more that you are respected and that you are seen as a human being.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So [Dennis], you and Barbara have just finished writing this book on parenting called <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019ve got the video series that\u2019s come out on this. Listening to Rebecca describe the people she\u2019s talked to and her own experience, what would you sum up as your counsel to moms and dads based on the conversation we\u2019ve had here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, I hope they\u2019ve heard her. I hope they understand that it\u2019s their relationship with your child that keeps the communication and the love flowing. That\u2019s where we start the book\u2014we talk about four areas. The first one is building a bridge to your child. You\u2019ve got to build the bridge\u2014it\u2019s a four-lane bridge\u2014knowing that you, as parents, are going to use two of those lanes <em>a lot<\/em> before your child is grown up enough to use the other two lanes, coming back to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we\u2019re hearing in Rebecca, here on this broadcast, is a young lady who benefitted from the steady love and pursuit of a mom and a dad in a tag-team effort to pursue her; and she got it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There\u2019s also the issue of character. They trained her in what\u2019s right and what\u2019s wrong, and in how to obey God, and the dangers of disobedience. There is also the issue of identity: spiritual identity, knowing who you are in Christ; emotional identity; sexual identity. Finally, parents are to give their children a mission\u2014a sense of purpose and a mission in life. We can see this in Rebecca\u2019s life\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014through her blog. She\u2019s written a book at age 23.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean, Bob, you can count on one hand the number of guests we\u2019ve had in 26 years who\u2019ve been under the age of 25.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes; and I\u2019m honored! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019re honored to have had you here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think parents just need to hear what she\u2019s embodying, and what her parents transmitted in terms of their love for Jesus Christ, and their humility, and their desire to be there for her and to help her grow through some really dangerous days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rebecca, you echo this in your book, <em>Why I Didn\u2019t Rebel<\/em>. It\u2019s something that I heard a guest say, more than two decades ago; that is\u2014to what Dennis is saying here: \u201cRules without a relationship will lead to rebellion.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Oh, completely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if a mom and a dad want to make sure that they\u2019re doing all they can to steer their child away from rebellion, there may need to be some boundaries and guidelines.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Completely!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There will be; yes. But there\u2019s got to be a rock-solid relationship\u2014that the child knows: \u201cI am loved. I am accepted. I belong here. Mom and Dad have got my back. They believe in me. They support me. They\u2019re on <em>my<\/em> side, and they want the best for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And then those boundaries feel a little different, if you know, \u201cMom and Dad really do care for me and have my best interest at heart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebecca:<\/strong> Well, exactly; because, even if you don\u2019t agree\u2014like me, with some of the clothing choices my parents didn\u2019t agree with\u2014you <em>know<\/em> that, even if you have to go upstairs and change, it\u2019s not because your parents don\u2019t approve of you or don\u2019t hear you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s because they have their <em>own<\/em> concerns and they have their <em>own<\/em> fears, and you want to be nice to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I think there are going to be a lot of moms and dads, who are going to want to get a copy of your book, <em>Why I Didn\u2019t Rebel: A Twenty-Two-Year-Old Explains Why She Stayed on the Straight and Narrow<\/em>\u2014<em>and How Your Kids Can Too<\/em>. We\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329 to order a copy of Rebecca\u2019s book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, today is the last day of August. I know, for a lot of folks, there\u2019s a holiday weekend ahead. For some people, school starts on Tuesday. I know a lot of you have already headed back to school; but a big part of the country goes back to school following Labor Day, so this is a busy time of year for families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s also an important time of year for us, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; because during the month of August, we\u2019ve had a matching-gift challenge that\u2019s been in front of us. Some friends of the ministry offered to match every donation we received during the month of August, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $500,000. This is the last day we can receive your donation and have it qualify for that matching gift; so we\u2019re asking <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners, in the middle of everything else you\u2019ve got going on, could you take just a couple of minutes and go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make an online donation?\u2014or if it\u2019s easier, call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, your donation is going to be doubled today when you get in touch with us; and we\u2019re going to send you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s brand-new book, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>, as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for helping us with this matching-gift challenge, and for your support of this ministry.\u201d Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FLTODAY to donate. We want to say, \u201cThanks,\u201d in advance, for your support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate your partnership with us, here, at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday, when we\u2019re going to talk about singles in their 30s and 40s and 50s, and about dating, and how you think about those things and handle those things. Lisa Anderson will be here to talk about that with us. I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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