{"id":300329,"date":"2018-08-13T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-08-13T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-secret-begins\/"},"modified":"2025-05-06T12:45:26","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T16:45:26","slug":"the-secret-begins","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-secret-begins\/","title":{"rendered":"The Secret Begins"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Jonathan Daugherty, founder of Be Broken Ministries, tells how a friend introduced him to pornography at the age of 12. What started out as a mild curiosity would eventually develop into a full blown addiction. Although he believed in God, Daugherty shares how his involvement in porn eroded his faith and affected his relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jonathan Daugherty tells how a friend introduced him to pornography at the age of 12. Daugherty shares how his involvement in porn eroded his faith and affected his relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-08-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:50","filesize":"25.48M","filesize_raw":"26716849","date_recorded":"2018-08-13 11:00:00","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2826,2844],"tags":[2872,4083,2989,2487],"podcast_series":[7238],"cwp_profile":[8847],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300329","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-men","category-pornography","tag-addiction","tag-effects-of-pornography","tag-pornography","tag-sexual-addiction","podcast_series-secrets","cwp_profile-jonathan-daugherty","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300329\/the-secret-begins","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300329\/the-secret-begins","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"zRYnXVJVdh\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-secret-begins\/\">The Secret Begins<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-secret-begins\/embed\/#?secret=zRYnXVJVdh\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Secret Begins&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"zRYnXVJVdh\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-08-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-08-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jonathan Daugherty remembers a day when he was a boy, a day that started innocently enough, but that wound up being life-changing for him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was a kid\u201412 years old, growing up in central Texas\u2014and one summer I\u2019m spending the night at a friend\u2019s house. We get up the next morning, we start playing around in the woods behind his house\u2014just like little boys are to do. He starts taking me out in this open field where there\u2019s nothing but grass and then a tree stump in the middle of the field.<\/p>\n<p>When I get to the tree stump\u2014he has his arm down in this hollowed-out section of the tree stump\u2014and when he pulls his hand out there\u2019s this magazine. When he opens the pages of that magazine\u2014it was pornography.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, August 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. That day\u2014that unforgettable day in Jonathan Daugherty\u2019s life\u2014put him on a path\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014that led him, ultimately, to the destruction of his marriage. We\u2019ll hear more about that today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to be talking today about an epidemic that is happening in our country that hospital emergency rooms are not equipped to handle.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s not just impacting men, but it\u2019s impacting women as well. Jonathan Daugherty joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Jonathan, welcome to the broadcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Thanks, I\u2019m glad to be here.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking about the subject of pornography. Jonathan gives leadership to a ministry called Be Broken Ministries and is the founder of Gateway to Freedom workshop for men, also hosts a podcast called Pure Sex Radio.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>That was strategic and on purpose. In fact, over the years we\u2019ve had\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014I can\u2019t even count how many men that have told us, \u201cYou know, I found your program because I wasn\u2019t looking for your radio program, but I\u2019m glad I found it, because I\u2019ve drifted from the Lord,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019m glad I found it because I didn\u2019t know there was another way to think about sex and sexuality.\u201d We\u2019ve had a lot of listeners gained through\u2014they weren\u2019t looking for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes\u2014and you weren\u2019t looking for pornography when it found you in the middle of a field that a buddy led you into. You tell about it in your book, called <em>Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances<\/em>. Share with our listeners how you start the book with that story.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Sure. I never wanted\u2014like you said\u2014I never set out to look for pornography. In fact, I don\u2019t think any child sets out as a child with an intention to find pornography. I think pornography has to be introduced into our lives as children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I was a kid\u201412 years old, growing up in central Texas\u2014and one summer I\u2019m spending the night at a friend\u2019s house. We get up the next morning, we start playing around in the woods behind his house\u2014just like little boys are to do. I mean, if I can put it one word, it was innocence\u2014we were just playing\u2014like little boys.<\/p>\n<p>He starts taking me out in this open field, where there\u2019s nothing but grass and then a tree stump in the middle of the field. He\u2019s heading for this tree stump\u2014and I\u2019m following him\u2014and when I get to the tree stump\u2014he has his arm down in this hollowed-out section of the tree stump\u2014and when he pulls his hand out there\u2019s this magazine rolled up in it. When he opens the pages of that magazine\u2014it was pornography. It hit me like a ton of bricks.<\/p>\n<p>I typically define trauma in a very simple, sort of every man\u2019s language as, \u201canything that overwhelms your system.\u201d For me, that was a traumatic moment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I think it was a big trauma, because it left an imprint\u2014it stuck with me\u2014because I didn\u2019t know what to do with what I had just seen. I didn\u2019t even know how to explain what I had just seen. But I felt\u2014in that moment\u2014a sense of kind of a mixture of guilt and fear; you know? That moment when anything happens to you and you have that sense like, \u201cI should look over my shoulder, because something doesn\u2019t feel right about this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Simultaneous to that I had this feeling like, \u201cSomething is exciting about this, too.\u201d All of those emotions I had no way\u2014as a 12-year-old boy\u2014to explain.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you have a good relationship with your dad and mom?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Well, yes\u2014and here\u2019s the thing that was interesting about it. I had a good relationship in the sense that my parents loved me. I mean, my mom and dad loved me deeply. We had a safe home\u2014and what I mean by that is there weren\u2019t outside influences like drugs or alcohol or pornography.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Even when I actually ended up trying to find pornography in my house, there wasn\u2019t anything to be found.<\/p>\n<p>In terms of my relationship with my dad\u2014sometimes I describe it this way: we knew how to intellectually love one another, and I think that was\u2014you know how, when things are just passed down from generation to generation; right? That\u2019s not always sin, but it\u2019s patterns. I think the long history of the generations of men in my family\u2014there wasn\u2019t a whole lot of emotional bonding.<\/p>\n<p>My dad, my grandfather, my uncles\u2014they would literally give you the shirt off their back to help you, so they had a high service orientation towards those that they loved\u2014but I don\u2019t know if we necessarily knew how to connect emotionally.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why did you go to that question, Dennis? Because here he\u2019s talking about finding pornography in the middle of a field with a buddy, and you ask him about his relationship with his dad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, my next question was going to be\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014so, had you had a \u201cbirds and bees\u201d conversation with your dad?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>We didn\u2019t have those specific conversations. It was one of those things where\u2014I always have this struggle in talking about my parents in historical terms in this way, and the reason is because it\u2019s like\u2014okay, yes, we didn\u2019t have these robust conversations about sexuality and all these kinds of things\u2014but I think most of that had to do with\u2014again\u2014the context in which they grew up. These were things that weren\u2019t passed down to them\u2014so in some ways\u2014if something hasn\u2019t been modeled before us it\u2019s hard then, to model it down the line.<\/p>\n<p>I will tell you this\u2014the way we train others on this is not necessarily your typical way that people train on this. The way we train dads is we say, \u201cYou have to tell your son about the first time you saw porn,\u201d and sometimes things that are out there are just trying\u2014it\u2019s sort of what I call one-way communication, where it\u2019s essentially saying\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014\u201cDad is just giving information to his kid and thinking that, \u2018if I pump enough information into my kid about what\u2019s right and true and good and pure\u2014that then that will automatically spit out what is right and good.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The problem with that that we\u2019ve found\u2014even in my own life as a testimony to that\u2014is hey, my parents did a wonderful job of putting the right information into me, but there is a point at which I\u2019m living my life, and when these two opposing ideas come in.<\/p>\n<p>We have the word of God and then we have pornography coming into this little 12-year-old boy\u2019s life\u2014we have a war going on that\u2014if there is not the opportunity to have a safe enough environment to have that two-way conversation going on\u2014where dads can get vulnerable enough and say, \u201cLet me tell you about my experience with sexual brokenness,\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t know if we\u2019re going to create the kind of safety in the home to have the dialogue about some of these issues.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We did what you\u2019re talking about with our youth group and the dads. All of the fathers and sons got away for an evening, and after we\u2019d had burgers and stuff we sat around in a big circle and we just had the dads share their stories\u2014going around the circle. We didn\u2019t ask the dads, \u201cHave you ever seen porn?\u201d we just asked the dads, \u201cTell about the first time you saw porn,\u201d because every dad there had seen it\u2014but most dads had not had that kind of a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>So, the sons got to hear not only their own dads\u2019 stories, but they got a chance to hear a lot of other dads\u2019 stories as well\u2014including some dads who were able to say, \u201cThis really wrecked me for a number of years.\u201d I think that sobered everybody up\u2014but it also created now a new opportunity for fathers and sons to have ongoing dialogue about these issues as those sons went through their junior high and high school years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s important to do those kinds of things because\u2014I hate to say this\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014I\u2019m not actually a pessimistic, ominous, you know, I don\u2019t think that the sky is always falling kind of a thing\u2014I\u2019m actually very optimistic because of the grace of God. But I do think we are beyond the days where we can actually believe that anyone can live in the United States without seeing pornography growing up. That doesn\u2019t mean it always turns into a pornography addiction\u2014but exposure to pornography will happen in our culture.<\/p>\n<p>For parents to\u2014sort of\u2014get beyond themselves and go, \u201cOkay, this is about how am I going to create a healthy, safe, grace-based environment for my kids.\u201d The way you do that is you share about your own history of brokenness.<\/p>\n<p>Obviously, you do that in age-appropriate ways. For instance, with my son\u2014when he started hitting around ten years old\u2014that\u2019s when I started talking to him about, \u201cHey, let me tell you about the first time I saw pornography and those kinds of things.\u201d Prior to that we\u2019d had many conversations about\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014your body, gender, sexuality, the goodness of all of that. You do have to kind of set a context to even have those conversations\u2014but we have to share from our own.<\/p>\n<p>I do believe it\u2019s the parents\u2019 responsibility to initiate those conversations. One thing I found out\u2014both from being a kid and then having kids\u2014is that if we\u2019re actually expecting the kids\u2014even if we say something as wonderful as, \u201cYou can always come to me and talk to me about anything\u201d\u2014they\u2019re not going to come to you! You have to actually be asking questions\u2014you have to kind of be pressing in\u2014in order to draw them out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>To that point, I have no other explanation for a question I asked my oldest son, Ben\u2014one day when he came home from school\u2014but I just said, \u201cHey son, have you been looking at anything you ought not to be looking at?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He looked at me like, \u201cAre you omnipresent or something?\u201d He went on to tell me a story of how he\u2019d been in the back of the classroom over lunch\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014and he\u2019d opened his little paper sack that his sandwich and apple in it and was working his way through his meal when a couple of buddies came in, sat down at the teacher\u2019s desk, and unfolded pornography on the desk and said, \u201cHey, Ben, come look!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As a dad, I said, \u201cSo what did you do?\u201d He said, \u201cI wrapped up my sandwich\u2014what was left of it\u2014put in the bag, and walked out the door.\u201d What I had the chance to do with him at that point was to cheer. Hopefully if he\u2019d have said he walked over and looked I would have put my arm around him and equally shared compassion with him about what he\u2019d just been visited with.<\/p>\n<p>What I want to do now, though, is I want to go back to what happened to the 12-year-old boy and how that immersion in pornography\u2014one-time immersion\u2014set you off on a quest. Where did you go from there to find pornography\u2014because I\u2019m assuming that did ultimately send you to look for it elsewhere?<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes. Shortly after that I had this thought, \u201cHey, I\u2019d like to see some more of that.\u201d That\u2019s when I started looking around in my house and didn\u2019t find anything\u2014I was actually kind of frustrated with my dad. I\u2019m thinking\u2014at this point I\u2019ve actually found out from some of my friends their dads have this stuff on the coffee table\u2014so in some ways that started even the trail of frustration that was going to be coming regarding this pursuit.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things that we like to let people know is a hundred percent of the men that I\u2019ve dealt with personally in ministry that could be classified as sexually addicted\u2014a hundred percent of them have an underlying anger problem. So, for me this started early\u2014even with just a seemingly innocuous frustration with, \u201cI can\u2019t find this material.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then\u2014if you extrapolate that out to then when you start getting more and more consumed with it, like I did through junior high and high school, where it started becoming a regular part of my routine\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014of secretly getting little stashes of porn here and there and looking at some pornography\u2014then the frustration builds because it\u2019s creating a double life. The amount of energy that has to be put out there in order to keep secrets and try to present yourself in a certain way\u2014I call it image-building\u2014you start constructing an image for all of your various environments. That gets exhausting.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re young, it doesn\u2019t seem exhausting, because you have all this energy; you\u2019re young, and you feel like you\u2019re invincible\u2014you can do anything. \u201cI can have this on the side and my life can be just fine.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m an athlete,\u201d\u2014all these kinds of things. Of course, also as a kid you think, \u201cI do this now and give it up later anytime I want to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>That\u2019s just the deceptive nature of sin\u2014it starts to take ahold of us in that way\u2014to think we can do something we can\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>In your day\u2014if you wanted to access pornography you had to go find a magazine somewhere. Today, a young person who would be curious like you were at age 12\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014has the device in the home\u2014maybe in his room\u2014where he can just type in a few search words\u2014and <em>voila<\/em>! \u2014he has access to whatever he wants to look at. That\u2019s the reason we\u2019re reaching pandemic proportions when it comes to this issue; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> We need to understand too, that a lot of the brain research now is showing that there\u2019s actually even a difference in how our brains react to the quantities that are available now versus\u2026back when I was a kid\u2014we\u2019re talking mid-\u201980s, when all this was going on. Like you said, there is a time delay\u2014even in being able to have possession of pornography\u2014then if you had possession of pornography, there is a limit to the amount of pictures or things like that.<\/p>\n<p>Now-a-days, you could go to one website and get hundreds of thousands of images\u2014just click after click after click after click.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Historically, 25\u201430 years ago, in order for a person to get to the place where we might diagnose them as sexually addicted\u2014you\u2019re talking about maybe a nine-month timeframe\u2014with regular pornography consumption use. Nowadays\u2014with the Internet\u2014we\u2019re looking at that same kind of possibilities in the brain\u2014in three weeks. So it actually has a much faster effect on even changing brain chemistry.<\/p>\n<p>Some of this research is just brand new, so it\u2019s not like\u2014things are happening at such a fast pace with technology nowadays that\u2014whatever kind of research there is\u2014is new because technology is still new.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, for a 12-year-old boy living in central Texas with no pornography in the home but curiosity on your mind\u2014where did you go? Where did you find what you were looking for?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting, because\u2014like I said, I was an athlete\u2014there\u2019s a reason why there are some stereotypes regarding athletes\u2014locker room talk\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014because it was real\u2014it exists. Some of it was just stuff being passed around in the locker room\u2014some of it was, again, going over to friends\u2019 houses on the weekends or something and ripping a few pages out of some porn, or whatever. That\u2019s kind of the way it was.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things that I was so proud of\u2014if I can use air quotes on the radio\u2014was that I had gotten through my high school years without ever purchasing anything\u2014and I was so proud of that, because it\u2019s like, \u201cI never went and bought\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And part of it was because I was a chicken. I wasn\u2019t going to go to the store\u2014I knew what you had to do\u2014you had to go to the store and kind of ask for the stuff behind the counter that\u2019s below the counter\u2014I wasn\u2019t about to do that.<\/p>\n<p>I think\u2014back to your question, Dennis, about me and my dad\u2014I think in that regard I actually had what I would call a healthy respect of my parents, because there was still a part of me that I think that a shred of integrity that was like\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014\u201cI am not going to bring this into our home. I\u2019m not going to do this to my parents.\u201d I wouldn\u2019t say those were the first thoughts I had in terms of not going and buying something\u2014but I do think that it was established in my home that respect was a value, it wasn\u2019t forced or demanded, but it was a value\u2014and I think I did respect my dad highly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was there anything going on with your conscience\u2014or was there any spiritual foundation in your life that was causing you to go, \u201cHang on, this is not right\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely\u2014all the time. That\u2019s what I tell people, is\u2014it\u2019s not as if in the progression of my eventual addiction that I completely abandoned my faith\u2014I had a constant wrestling going on. I call it being divided\u2014this dividedness\u2014where I know what\u2019s happening inside me in terms of how this is decaying my soul.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, I had a genuine love for the Lord. I do love His Word and I want to do what He\u2019s calling me to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the whole Ephesians 5\u2014the desires of the spirit and the desires of the flesh\u2014and there was a war going on.<\/p>\n<p>Not to jump too far ahead, but I wouldn\u2019t discover until years later that the way that war was eventually won in my life didn\u2019t come until I got into the light fully and started engaging in community and dealing with the struggle with others\u2014because it didn\u2019t actually break apart\u2014it didn\u2019t actually resolve\u2014until I stepped into environments where I could work on it with other people.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Until you came clean\u2014out in the open, admitted\u2014and started to get help with others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes. The struggle that that was for me\u2014especially during the teen years and even into the college years\u2014was that I began to believe that God either didn\u2019t care, didn\u2019t hear, or wasn\u2019t powerful enough to actually free me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s a lie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You know it\u2019s a lie today, but in a young man\u2019s life growing up\u2014again, if you\u2019re addicted you\u2019re going to need somebody to intercept your life\u2014have an intervention of some kind\u2014and we\u2019ll hear more about that later. I just want to turn to the parents of raising boys today\u2014and, for that matter\u2014girls\u2014because this is no longer just a boy issue.<\/p>\n<p>I think you need to be asking your children, \u201cWhat have you seen? Share with me,\u201d and maybe begin by modeling what Jonathan just did with us. Share with your children what you have seen, and then create an atmosphere of grace and forgiveness and security that can enable a child to ultimately express what they have seen and what they have experienced.<\/p>\n<p>I do know this: there are some parents who need to get this book\u2014but there are likely also more than a man or two, Bob, who needs to get this book\u2014called <em>Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The Gospel is about the second chance. It\u2019s about forgiveness. It\u2019s about reconciliation\u2014and it helps us bring healing to relationships. Where pornography goes, it divides\u2014it destroys individuals and relationships, marriages, families, and generations.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have the book <em>Secrets<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy. Again, the title is <em>Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances<\/em>. Order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call to order. 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. We also have a link to Jonathan\u2019s website\u2014you can find out more about his ministry\u2014find out about his podcast, and listen to it.<\/p>\n<p>Again, all of this is available at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also find out more by calling 1-800-358-6329.<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, it may be that you would like to listen again to this program, maybe later on today\u2014listen with someone else. If you have a smart speaker in your home\u2014and I\u2019m thinking about those smart speakers that are made by Amazon\u2014the one where you use a person\u2019s name\u2014and I\u2019m not using the name because I don\u2019t want to turn your device on, if you have one of these\u2014you can actually program your device to listen regularly to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Go to the app on your phone for your device, enter in FamilyLife as one word, and you can train your device to know to turn on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> when you say the device\u2019s name and then say, \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d So, if you have one of those devices\u2014and if that\u2019s a more convenient way for you to listen to our program or to listen back to the program a second time\u2014you can train your device to do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here at FamilyLife we\u2019re doing all we can to try to make sure that the practical, biblical help and hope that is what our ministry is all about\u2014we\u2019re trying to make it available to as many people as possible as often as possible. As a listener you help make that possible when you go from being just a listener to becoming a financial supporter of this ministry\u2014either as a monthly legacy partner or as someone who from time to time says, \u201cThis program is valuable to me, my family, my community. I want to make sure this ministry continues to grow and thrive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Every time you make a donation, you are voting for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. This month\u2014when you make a donation\u2014whatever donation you make is going to be matched dollar for dollar from a matching gift that has been offered to us, a matching gift of 500,000 dollars. So your 50-dollar donation becomes 100 dollars. Any donation you make is doubled\u2014and we\u2019re trying to take full advantage of this matching gift.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I want to challenge you to go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation, or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you do, we want to say thank you by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book about parenting. It\u2019s called <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019re expecting it to arrive any day now, and as soon as it arrives we\u2019ll get a copy off to you as a thank you for your support of the ministry of FamilyLife.<\/p>\n<p>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation. Thanks for your support of this ministry\u2014we appreciate you.<\/p>\n<p>One final note\u2014if you\u2019ve not signed up yet for the FamilyLife back to school parenting prayer challenge\u2014you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and give us your e-mail address. Every day for the next 30 days we will give you a prayer prompt in your e-mail inbox with specific ideas and Scripture that you can be praying for your children or your grandchildren as they head back to school this fall.<\/p>\n<p>Whether it\u2019s kindergarten or college, the prayer prompt gives you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014specific things you can be praying as your children transition in this important time of the year. Sign up for the back to school parenting prayer challenge at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Jonathan Daugherty. We\u2019re going to be talking about how pornography ultimately led to the destruction of his marriage. We\u2019ll hear that story tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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Daugherty tells how a friend introduced him to pornography at the age of 12. Daugherty shares how his involvement in porn eroded his faith and affected his relationships.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bebroken.org\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Be Broken Ministries<\/a><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"http:\/\/www.puresexradio.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Pure Sex Radio Podcast<\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-08-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jonathan Daugherty remembers a day when he was a boy, a day that started innocently enough, but that wound up being life-changing for him.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I was a kid\u201412 years old, growing up in central Texas\u2014and one summer I\u2019m spending the night at a friend\u2019s house. We get up the next morning, we start playing around in the woods behind his house\u2014just like little boys are to do. He starts taking me out in this open field where there\u2019s nothing but grass and then a tree stump in the middle of the field.<\/p>\n<p>When I get to the tree stump\u2014he has his arm down in this hollowed-out section of the tree stump\u2014and when he pulls his hand out there\u2019s this magazine. When he opens the pages of that magazine\u2014it was pornography.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, August 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. That day\u2014that unforgettable day in Jonathan Daugherty\u2019s life\u2014put him on a path\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>1:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014that led him, ultimately, to the destruction of his marriage. We\u2019ll hear more about that today. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re going to be talking today about an epidemic that is happening in our country that hospital emergency rooms are not equipped to handle.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s not just impacting men, but it\u2019s impacting women as well. Jonathan Daugherty joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Jonathan, welcome to the broadcast.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Thanks, I\u2019m glad to be here.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking about the subject of pornography. Jonathan gives leadership to a ministry called Be Broken Ministries and is the founder of Gateway to Freedom workshop for men, also hosts a podcast called Pure Sex Radio.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>That was strategic and on purpose. In fact, over the years we\u2019ve had\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>2:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014I can\u2019t even count how many men that have told us, \u201cYou know, I found your program because I wasn\u2019t looking for your radio program, but I\u2019m glad I found it, because I\u2019ve drifted from the Lord,\u201d or, \u201cI\u2019m glad I found it because I didn\u2019t know there was another way to think about sex and sexuality.\u201d We\u2019ve had a lot of listeners gained through\u2014they weren\u2019t looking for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes\u2014and you weren\u2019t looking for pornography when it found you in the middle of a field that a buddy led you into. You tell about it in your book, called <em>Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances<\/em>. Share with our listeners how you start the book with that story.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Sure. I never wanted\u2014like you said\u2014I never set out to look for pornography. In fact, I don\u2019t think any child sets out as a child with an intention to find pornography. I think pornography has to be introduced into our lives as children.<\/p>\n<p><strong>3:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I was a kid\u201412 years old, growing up in central Texas\u2014and one summer I\u2019m spending the night at a friend\u2019s house. We get up the next morning, we start playing around in the woods behind his house\u2014just like little boys are to do. I mean, if I can put it one word, it was innocence\u2014we were just playing\u2014like little boys.<\/p>\n<p>He starts taking me out in this open field, where there\u2019s nothing but grass and then a tree stump in the middle of the field. He\u2019s heading for this tree stump\u2014and I\u2019m following him\u2014and when I get to the tree stump\u2014he has his arm down in this hollowed-out section of the tree stump\u2014and when he pulls his hand out there\u2019s this magazine rolled up in it. When he opens the pages of that magazine\u2014it was pornography. It hit me like a ton of bricks.<\/p>\n<p>I typically define trauma in a very simple, sort of every man\u2019s language as, \u201canything that overwhelms your system.\u201d For me, that was a traumatic moment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>4:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I think it was a big trauma, because it left an imprint\u2014it stuck with me\u2014because I didn\u2019t know what to do with what I had just seen. I didn\u2019t even know how to explain what I had just seen. But I felt\u2014in that moment\u2014a sense of kind of a mixture of guilt and fear; you know? That moment when anything happens to you and you have that sense like, \u201cI should look over my shoulder, because something doesn\u2019t feel right about this.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Simultaneous to that I had this feeling like, \u201cSomething is exciting about this, too.\u201d All of those emotions I had no way\u2014as a 12-year-old boy\u2014to explain.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Did you have a good relationship with your dad and mom?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Well, yes\u2014and here\u2019s the thing that was interesting about it. I had a good relationship in the sense that my parents loved me. I mean, my mom and dad loved me deeply. We had a safe home\u2014and what I mean by that is there weren\u2019t outside influences like drugs or alcohol or pornography.<\/p>\n<p><strong>5:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Even when I actually ended up trying to find pornography in my house, there wasn\u2019t anything to be found.<\/p>\n<p>In terms of my relationship with my dad\u2014sometimes I describe it this way: we knew how to intellectually love one another, and I think that was\u2014you know how, when things are just passed down from generation to generation; right? That\u2019s not always sin, but it\u2019s patterns. I think the long history of the generations of men in my family\u2014there wasn\u2019t a whole lot of emotional bonding.<\/p>\n<p>My dad, my grandfather, my uncles\u2014they would literally give you the shirt off their back to help you, so they had a high service orientation towards those that they loved\u2014but I don\u2019t know if we necessarily knew how to connect emotionally.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why did you go to that question, Dennis? Because here he\u2019s talking about finding pornography in the middle of a field with a buddy, and you ask him about his relationship with his dad.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, my next question was going to be\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>6:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014so, had you had a \u201cbirds and bees\u201d conversation with your dad?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>We didn\u2019t have those specific conversations. It was one of those things where\u2014I always have this struggle in talking about my parents in historical terms in this way, and the reason is because it\u2019s like\u2014okay, yes, we didn\u2019t have these robust conversations about sexuality and all these kinds of things\u2014but I think most of that had to do with\u2014again\u2014the context in which they grew up. These were things that weren\u2019t passed down to them\u2014so in some ways\u2014if something hasn\u2019t been modeled before us it\u2019s hard then, to model it down the line.<\/p>\n<p>I will tell you this\u2014the way we train others on this is not necessarily your typical way that people train on this. The way we train dads is we say, \u201cYou have to tell your son about the first time you saw porn,\u201d and sometimes things that are out there are just trying\u2014it\u2019s sort of what I call one-way communication, where it\u2019s essentially saying\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>7:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014\u201cDad is just giving information to his kid and thinking that, \u2018if I pump enough information into my kid about what\u2019s right and true and good and pure\u2014that then that will automatically spit out what is right and good.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The problem with that that we\u2019ve found\u2014even in my own life as a testimony to that\u2014is hey, my parents did a wonderful job of putting the right information into me, but there is a point at which I\u2019m living my life, and when these two opposing ideas come in.<\/p>\n<p>We have the word of God and then we have pornography coming into this little 12-year-old boy\u2019s life\u2014we have a war going on that\u2014if there is not the opportunity to have a safe enough environment to have that two-way conversation going on\u2014where dads can get vulnerable enough and say, \u201cLet me tell you about my experience with sexual brokenness,\u201d\u2014I don\u2019t know if we\u2019re going to create the kind of safety in the home to have the dialogue about some of these issues.<\/p>\n<p><strong>8:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>We did what you\u2019re talking about with our youth group and the dads. All of the fathers and sons got away for an evening, and after we\u2019d had burgers and stuff we sat around in a big circle and we just had the dads share their stories\u2014going around the circle. We didn\u2019t ask the dads, \u201cHave you ever seen porn?\u201d we just asked the dads, \u201cTell about the first time you saw porn,\u201d because every dad there had seen it\u2014but most dads had not had that kind of a conversation.<\/p>\n<p>So, the sons got to hear not only their own dads\u2019 stories, but they got a chance to hear a lot of other dads\u2019 stories as well\u2014including some dads who were able to say, \u201cThis really wrecked me for a number of years.\u201d I think that sobered everybody up\u2014but it also created now a new opportunity for fathers and sons to have ongoing dialogue about these issues as those sons went through their junior high and high school years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s important to do those kinds of things because\u2014I hate to say this\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>9:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014I\u2019m not actually a pessimistic, ominous, you know, I don\u2019t think that the sky is always falling kind of a thing\u2014I\u2019m actually very optimistic because of the grace of God. But I do think we are beyond the days where we can actually believe that anyone can live in the United States without seeing pornography growing up. That doesn\u2019t mean it always turns into a pornography addiction\u2014but exposure to pornography will happen in our culture.<\/p>\n<p>For parents to\u2014sort of\u2014get beyond themselves and go, \u201cOkay, this is about how am I going to create a healthy, safe, grace-based environment for my kids.\u201d The way you do that is you share about your own history of brokenness.<\/p>\n<p>Obviously, you do that in age-appropriate ways. For instance, with my son\u2014when he started hitting around ten years old\u2014that\u2019s when I started talking to him about, \u201cHey, let me tell you about the first time I saw pornography and those kinds of things.\u201d Prior to that we\u2019d had many conversations about\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>10:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014your body, gender, sexuality, the goodness of all of that. You do have to kind of set a context to even have those conversations\u2014but we have to share from our own.<\/p>\n<p>I do believe it\u2019s the parents\u2019 responsibility to initiate those conversations. One thing I found out\u2014both from being a kid and then having kids\u2014is that if we\u2019re actually expecting the kids\u2014even if we say something as wonderful as, \u201cYou can always come to me and talk to me about anything\u201d\u2014they\u2019re not going to come to you! You have to actually be asking questions\u2014you have to kind of be pressing in\u2014in order to draw them out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>To that point, I have no other explanation for a question I asked my oldest son, Ben\u2014one day when he came home from school\u2014but I just said, \u201cHey son, have you been looking at anything you ought not to be looking at?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He looked at me like, \u201cAre you omnipresent or something?\u201d He went on to tell me a story of how he\u2019d been in the back of the classroom over lunch\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>11:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014and he\u2019d opened his little paper sack that his sandwich and apple in it and was working his way through his meal when a couple of buddies came in, sat down at the teacher\u2019s desk, and unfolded pornography on the desk and said, \u201cHey, Ben, come look!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>As a dad, I said, \u201cSo what did you do?\u201d He said, \u201cI wrapped up my sandwich\u2014what was left of it\u2014put in the bag, and walked out the door.\u201d What I had the chance to do with him at that point was to cheer. Hopefully if he\u2019d have said he walked over and looked I would have put my arm around him and equally shared compassion with him about what he\u2019d just been visited with.<\/p>\n<p>What I want to do now, though, is I want to go back to what happened to the 12-year-old boy and how that immersion in pornography\u2014one-time immersion\u2014set you off on a quest. Where did you go from there to find pornography\u2014because I\u2019m assuming that did ultimately send you to look for it elsewhere?<\/p>\n<p><strong>12:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> Yes. Shortly after that I had this thought, \u201cHey, I\u2019d like to see some more of that.\u201d That\u2019s when I started looking around in my house and didn\u2019t find anything\u2014I was actually kind of frustrated with my dad. I\u2019m thinking\u2014at this point I\u2019ve actually found out from some of my friends their dads have this stuff on the coffee table\u2014so in some ways that started even the trail of frustration that was going to be coming regarding this pursuit.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things that we like to let people know is a hundred percent of the men that I\u2019ve dealt with personally in ministry that could be classified as sexually addicted\u2014a hundred percent of them have an underlying anger problem. So, for me this started early\u2014even with just a seemingly innocuous frustration with, \u201cI can\u2019t find this material.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then\u2014if you extrapolate that out to then when you start getting more and more consumed with it, like I did through junior high and high school, where it started becoming a regular part of my routine\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>13:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014of secretly getting little stashes of porn here and there and looking at some pornography\u2014then the frustration builds because it\u2019s creating a double life. The amount of energy that has to be put out there in order to keep secrets and try to present yourself in a certain way\u2014I call it image-building\u2014you start constructing an image for all of your various environments. That gets exhausting.<\/p>\n<p>When you\u2019re young, it doesn\u2019t seem exhausting, because you have all this energy; you\u2019re young, and you feel like you\u2019re invincible\u2014you can do anything. \u201cI can have this on the side and my life can be just fine.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m an athlete,\u201d\u2014all these kinds of things. Of course, also as a kid you think, \u201cI do this now and give it up later anytime I want to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>That\u2019s just the deceptive nature of sin\u2014it starts to take ahold of us in that way\u2014to think we can do something we can\u2019t.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>In your day\u2014if you wanted to access pornography you had to go find a magazine somewhere. Today, a young person who would be curious like you were at age 12\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>14:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014has the device in the home\u2014maybe in his room\u2014where he can just type in a few search words\u2014and <em>voila<\/em>! \u2014he has access to whatever he wants to look at. That\u2019s the reason we\u2019re reaching pandemic proportions when it comes to this issue; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> We need to understand too, that a lot of the brain research now is showing that there\u2019s actually even a difference in how our brains react to the quantities that are available now versus\u2026back when I was a kid\u2014we\u2019re talking mid-\u201980s, when all this was going on. Like you said, there is a time delay\u2014even in being able to have possession of pornography\u2014then if you had possession of pornography, there is a limit to the amount of pictures or things like that.<\/p>\n<p>Now-a-days, you could go to one website and get hundreds of thousands of images\u2014just click after click after click after click.<\/p>\n<p><strong>15:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Historically, 25\u201430 years ago, in order for a person to get to the place where we might diagnose them as sexually addicted\u2014you\u2019re talking about maybe a nine-month timeframe\u2014with regular pornography consumption use. Nowadays\u2014with the Internet\u2014we\u2019re looking at that same kind of possibilities in the brain\u2014in three weeks. So it actually has a much faster effect on even changing brain chemistry.<\/p>\n<p>Some of this research is just brand new, so it\u2019s not like\u2014things are happening at such a fast pace with technology nowadays that\u2014whatever kind of research there is\u2014is new because technology is still new.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, for a 12-year-old boy living in central Texas with no pornography in the home but curiosity on your mind\u2014where did you go? Where did you find what you were looking for?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting, because\u2014like I said, I was an athlete\u2014there\u2019s a reason why there are some stereotypes regarding athletes\u2014locker room talk\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>16:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014because it was real\u2014it exists. Some of it was just stuff being passed around in the locker room\u2014some of it was, again, going over to friends\u2019 houses on the weekends or something and ripping a few pages out of some porn, or whatever. That\u2019s kind of the way it was.<\/p>\n<p>One of the things that I was so proud of\u2014if I can use air quotes on the radio\u2014was that I had gotten through my high school years without ever purchasing anything\u2014and I was so proud of that, because it\u2019s like, \u201cI never went and bought\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And part of it was because I was a chicken. I wasn\u2019t going to go to the store\u2014I knew what you had to do\u2014you had to go to the store and kind of ask for the stuff behind the counter that\u2019s below the counter\u2014I wasn\u2019t about to do that.<\/p>\n<p>I think\u2014back to your question, Dennis, about me and my dad\u2014I think in that regard I actually had what I would call a healthy respect of my parents, because there was still a part of me that I think that a shred of integrity that was like\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>17:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014\u201cI am not going to bring this into our home. I\u2019m not going to do this to my parents.\u201d I wouldn\u2019t say those were the first thoughts I had in terms of not going and buying something\u2014but I do think that it was established in my home that respect was a value, it wasn\u2019t forced or demanded, but it was a value\u2014and I think I did respect my dad highly.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was there anything going on with your conscience\u2014or was there any spiritual foundation in your life that was causing you to go, \u201cHang on, this is not right\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely\u2014all the time. That\u2019s what I tell people, is\u2014it\u2019s not as if in the progression of my eventual addiction that I completely abandoned my faith\u2014I had a constant wrestling going on. I call it being divided\u2014this dividedness\u2014where I know what\u2019s happening inside me in terms of how this is decaying my soul.<\/p>\n<p>On the other hand, I had a genuine love for the Lord. I do love His Word and I want to do what He\u2019s calling me to do.<\/p>\n<p><strong>18:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s the whole Ephesians 5\u2014the desires of the spirit and the desires of the flesh\u2014and there was a war going on.<\/p>\n<p>Not to jump too far ahead, but I wouldn\u2019t discover until years later that the way that war was eventually won in my life didn\u2019t come until I got into the light fully and started engaging in community and dealing with the struggle with others\u2014because it didn\u2019t actually break apart\u2014it didn\u2019t actually resolve\u2014until I stepped into environments where I could work on it with other people.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Until you came clean\u2014out in the open, admitted\u2014and started to get help with others.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Jonathan: <\/strong>Yes. The struggle that that was for me\u2014especially during the teen years and even into the college years\u2014was that I began to believe that God either didn\u2019t care, didn\u2019t hear, or wasn\u2019t powerful enough to actually free me.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s a lie.<\/p>\n<p><strong>19:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>You know it\u2019s a lie today, but in a young man\u2019s life growing up\u2014again, if you\u2019re addicted you\u2019re going to need somebody to intercept your life\u2014have an intervention of some kind\u2014and we\u2019ll hear more about that later. I just want to turn to the parents of raising boys today\u2014and, for that matter\u2014girls\u2014because this is no longer just a boy issue.<\/p>\n<p>I think you need to be asking your children, \u201cWhat have you seen? Share with me,\u201d and maybe begin by modeling what Jonathan just did with us. Share with your children what you have seen, and then create an atmosphere of grace and forgiveness and security that can enable a child to ultimately express what they have seen and what they have experienced.<\/p>\n<p>I do know this: there are some parents who need to get this book\u2014but there are likely also more than a man or two, Bob, who needs to get this book\u2014called <em>Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>20:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>The Gospel is about the second chance. It\u2019s about forgiveness. It\u2019s about reconciliation\u2014and it helps us bring healing to relationships. Where pornography goes, it divides\u2014it destroys individuals and relationships, marriages, families, and generations.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have the book <em>Secrets<\/em> in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy. Again, the title is <em>Secrets: A True Story of Addiction, Infidelity, and Second Chances<\/em>. Order it from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Or call to order. 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. We also have a link to Jonathan\u2019s website\u2014you can find out more about his ministry\u2014find out about his podcast, and listen to it.<\/p>\n<p>Again, all of this is available at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also find out more by calling 1-800-358-6329.<\/p>\n<p><strong>21:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, it may be that you would like to listen again to this program, maybe later on today\u2014listen with someone else. If you have a smart speaker in your home\u2014and I\u2019m thinking about those smart speakers that are made by Amazon\u2014the one where you use a person\u2019s name\u2014and I\u2019m not using the name because I don\u2019t want to turn your device on, if you have one of these\u2014you can actually program your device to listen regularly to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Go to the app on your phone for your device, enter in FamilyLife as one word, and you can train your device to know to turn on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> when you say the device\u2019s name and then say, \u201cPlay <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d So, if you have one of those devices\u2014and if that\u2019s a more convenient way for you to listen to our program or to listen back to the program a second time\u2014you can train your device to do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>22:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>Here at FamilyLife we\u2019re doing all we can to try to make sure that the practical, biblical help and hope that is what our ministry is all about\u2014we\u2019re trying to make it available to as many people as possible as often as possible. As a listener you help make that possible when you go from being just a listener to becoming a financial supporter of this ministry\u2014either as a monthly legacy partner or as someone who from time to time says, \u201cThis program is valuable to me, my family, my community. I want to make sure this ministry continues to grow and thrive.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Every time you make a donation, you are voting for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. This month\u2014when you make a donation\u2014whatever donation you make is going to be matched dollar for dollar from a matching gift that has been offered to us, a matching gift of 500,000 dollars. So your 50-dollar donation becomes 100 dollars. Any donation you make is doubled\u2014and we\u2019re trying to take full advantage of this matching gift.<\/p>\n<p><strong>23:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I want to challenge you to go online to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation, or call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. When you do, we want to say thank you by sending you a copy of Dennis and Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book about parenting. It\u2019s called <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em>. We\u2019re expecting it to arrive any day now, and as soon as it arrives we\u2019ll get a copy off to you as a thank you for your support of the ministry of FamilyLife.<\/p>\n<p>Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make your donation. Thanks for your support of this ministry\u2014we appreciate you.<\/p>\n<p>One final note\u2014if you\u2019ve not signed up yet for the FamilyLife back to school parenting prayer challenge\u2014you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and give us your e-mail address. Every day for the next 30 days we will give you a prayer prompt in your e-mail inbox with specific ideas and Scripture that you can be praying for your children or your grandchildren as they head back to school this fall.<\/p>\n<p>Whether it\u2019s kindergarten or college, the prayer prompt gives you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>24:00<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u2014specific things you can be praying as your children transition in this important time of the year. Sign up for the back to school parenting prayer challenge at FamilyLifeToday.com.<\/p>\n<p>Tomorrow we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Jonathan Daugherty. We\u2019re going to be talking about how pornography ultimately led to the destruction of his marriage. We\u2019ll hear that story tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry.<\/p>\n<p>Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300329","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300329"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300329"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300329"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300329"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300329"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300329"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300329"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}