{"id":300317,"date":"2018-07-30T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-30T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/step-grandparenting\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T23:41:55","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T03:41:55","slug":"step-grandparenting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-blended-minute\/step-grandparenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Step-Grandparenting"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ron Deal, director of FamilyLife Blended, talks about the vital role step-grandparents provide as they help create connection in their families.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":291141,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:59","filesize":"27.46M","filesize_raw":"28790759","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2882,10374,2894,2858],"tags":[2585,4474],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2971,2101],"class_list":["post-300317","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-holidays-and-special-days","category-stepfamily-living","category-stepparenting-skills","tag-blended-family","tag-grandparenting","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-blended-minute","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/08\/BlendedFamilyLifePodcast508x508.png?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/08\/BlendedFamilyLifePodcast508x508.png","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300317\/step-grandparenting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300317\/step-grandparenting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-blended-minute","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"x8jzrlCVPW\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-blended-minute\/step-grandparenting\/\">Step-Grandparenting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-blended-minute\/step-grandparenting\/embed\/#?secret=x8jzrlCVPW\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Step-Grandparenting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"x8jzrlCVPW\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When two families merge\u2014when they blend\u2014and now there are stepchildren and stepsiblings\u2014one of the forgotten parts of this equation often, is the new step-grandparents. Here is Ron Deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice\u2014and all of the sudden, you\u2019ve got not just one, but maybe you\u2019ve got five step-grandchildren\u2014what if you had a bunch\u2014what if you already thrown yourself relationship with your biological grandchildren, now you\u2019ve got five more? It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cHow do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?\u201d I\u2019m just saying\u2014I\u2019ve seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren\u2019t terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Step-grandparenting can be tricky. We have some thoughts today from Ron Deal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014on how to make it work more effectively. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There was a conference back last fall for grandparents. We had some friends who put this together. We helped promote this event\u2014a national conference of grandparenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The Legacy Conference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. One of the speakers at the conference was Ron Deal who joins us in studio today and is the leader of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Ron, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got invited to come and speak at this conference about step-grandparenting which, Dennis, I don\u2019t know if I ever even stopped to think about that subject\u2014but that\u2019s an issue that a lot of families that all of the sudden find themselves in with very little preparation and very little coaching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say most grandparents feel overlooked when it comes to blending a family together; and I can\u2019t imagine what it would be like\u2014to feel like\u2014in some regards, you may be an outsider\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to get back in with grandkids that\u2014at one point\u2014you were their heros. You\u2019re hearing a lot about this subject as you speak around the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I am, Dennis. Bob, in preparation for that Legacy Conference, I did some homework. I do this every single day, but I was a little shocked to discover that 40-percent of families in the U.S. have a step-grandparent\u201440-percent! By the way, that\u2019s stat is 20 years old\u2014it\u2019s old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, it\u2019s likely higher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s likely much higher. The other thing that I found was that the prediction that demographers have is that by year 2030 in the U.S.\u2014there will be one step-grandchild for every 1.7 biological grandchildren\u2014less than 2 to 1 ratio. It is a very common experience. It\u2019s going to continue to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014a common experience\u2014and of course, it touches all three of the generations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not just all three generations, but I\u2019m thinking about all of the different permutations of what makes a stepfamily\u2014and then how that expands to the grandparenting. So, if our son and daughter-in-law get a divorce, and now she is the custodial parent, where do we fit into that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If there\u2019s an estrangement between our son and this daughter-in-law, we may be cut out of the picture\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with our grandkids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> What that means is that, at Christmastime, when you want time with your grandkids, there\u2019s probably four or five or six other sets of grandparents who, also want time with the grandkids. So, all of the sudden, life just got really complicated fast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then, I\u2019m thinking about the other situation which is where our son or our daughter marries somebody who has been previously married and brings grandkids in, and we didn\u2019t just become new in-laws\u2014we became new step-grandparents\u2014and it happened in an instant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, instead of watching these kids be born, we\u2019re now step-grandparents to a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old that we haven\u2019t ever known before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> What if you have some real mixed feelings about that new relationship? By the way, this is one of the things we are hearing from people: \u201cHey, I have step-grandchildren. By the way, I also have some biological grandchildren. I\u2019ve known them their whole lives, and they\u2019ve known us\u2014we have traditions and time together and all sorts of things. Now, I\u2019m trying to figure out: \u201cWhat do I do, and how do I find time for the step-grandchildren? But that relationship came about because my child\u201d\u2014let\u2019s say\u2014\"made some really poor decisions; and we have mixed feelings about those decisions.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, those decisions have resulted in them getting married and having stepchildren\u2014that gives us step-grandchildren\u2014we never really wanted this. It kind of feels like if we jump in as step-grandparents and throw ourselves into those relationships, that somehow, we\u2019re saying what my son or daughter did is okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe don\u2019t feel like it\u2019s okay. We\u2019re kind of stuck between, not wanting to give approval\u2014but at the same time\u2014the grandchildren shouldn\u2019t be the ones that suffer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the kind of difficulties that grandparents are finding themselves in\u2014trying to wade through these waters and figure out what to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You outline three different kinds of step-grandparents. There are step-grandparents who step into the life of a child and actually, are in a long-term relationship helping to raise that child to maturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. They\u2019ve been in a long-term\u2014we call them long-term step-grandparents, meaning maybe, they were a stepparent at a younger age; and they raised a stepchild, and that stepchild is now an adult, now married, now has children of their own. Technically, those are step-grandchildren to the grandparent; right? But you\u2019ve been in their life since day-one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat long-term step-grandparent, probably, has more of a relationship with their step-grandchildren like a biological grandparent would have with their biological grandchildren. It just feels more natural and more connected because of the length of the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, all of this depends on the kind of relationship that the stepchild has with the stepparent because that\u2019s step-grandparenting is all incumbent on\u2014\u201cAre we still friends\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith this child that we helped raise?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s just kind of walk through the possibilities. On the one hand, let\u2019s say you have a great relationship with your stepchild who, now, becomes a parent. You have step-grandchildren. Odds are you\u2019re Grandma\u2014end of story. That\u2019s going to be a wonderful, easy ride. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe you have\u2014on the other end of the continuum\u2014a really awkward, difficult relationship with your stepchild who, now, has children. It can go one of two ways. What I see a lot is that all of the sudden, the step-grandchildren create an opportunity for connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t know you as anything different\u2014they feel like you\u2019re Grandma to them or Grandpa to them. All of the sudden, it helps your relationship with your adult stepchild. They watch you be grandmother to their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> By the way, if you want to win a parent\u2019s heart\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014bless their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean find ways to build into their lives. I\u2019m not talking about spoiling them with gifts. I\u2019m talking about finding a way to encourage them, build them up, speak truth into their lives, and be an asset to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I hear from a lot of long-term step-grandparents who say, \u201cYou know what? My salvation with my stepchild was the grandkids. That was the backdoor that improved my relationship with them.\u201d I say, \u201cAmen! Hallelujah! Whatever it takes.\u201d Pour into that grandchild, and all of the sudden, their parent is more appreciative of you than they\u2019ve been before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would you say to the person who is listening to our broadcast right now that would go\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s me. I\u2019m in that situation.\u201d How can they take advantage of it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know it\u2019s the heart attitude of inclusion\u2014and connectedness is always a good, positive thing. I mean, extending yourself in love generally works on your behalf\u2014wouldn\u2019t we assume that as believers; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Love conquers a lot of things. Now sometimes, you are not given permission to love. One of the barriers here for step-grandparents is that middle generation. Let\u2019s say you have a son or daughter or stepson\u2014stepdaughter who blocks your ability to be a grandparent. Well, they can. They can just say, \u201cNo, the kids are not available\u201d; \u201cNo, we\u2019re not going to come over and spend time on Sunday afternoon and have lunch. No\u2014\u201d They can do that, and that\u2019s really unfortunate\u2014it\u2019s a heartbreak when that happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What I would say to that step-grandparent is \u201cOkay, you have limited opportunity. Make the most of what you have and don\u2019t give up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019d just throw in here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it can be our attitude: \u201cI\u2019m entitled to a relationship with my grandchild.\u201d I think we\u2019ve got to die to that entitlement at some point and go\u2014\u201cI can woo that. I can try to earn that. I can pray for that\u2014but I\u2019m going to have to let go of that sense of entitlement.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you try to cash that chip in, you can alienate even further. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. Yes, you certainly don\u2019t want to do that because then that just almost invites somebody to say, \u201cOh no you don\u2019t deserve\u201d; right? Then, you\u2019ve got them digging in their heels. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you\u2019ve got long-term grandparenting. What\u2019s a second kind of grandparenting? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The second one we call inherited step-grandparents. Here is what\u2019s happened probably in your life. You\u2019ve had a son or a daughter who made a choice to marry somebody who has kids. So, your son\u2014let\u2019s just say that\u2014your son has become a stepdad. Well, you just inherited step-grandchildren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow notice, this was not your choice. You\u2019re just cruising along in life. Your son made a choice to marry somebody with kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou didn\u2019t make that choice. You may be in favor of it. You may be happy about it\u2014but at the same time, you didn\u2019t ask for grandkids\u2014you didn\u2019t ask for this to be brought into your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean most grandparents are excited when they become grandparents. It\u2019s a little weird sometimes, to hear people say the very first-time, but\u2014\u201cYes, I\u2019m getting used to the idea.\u201d Then they throw themselves into. Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice\u2014and all of the sudden you\u2019ve got not just one, but maybe you\u2019ve got five step-grandchildren\u2014what if you already had a bunch? What if you already had\u2014you\u2019ve already thrown yourself into relationships with your biological grandchildren\u2014and now, you\u2019ve got five more? It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cHow do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I\u2019m just saying\u2014I\u2019ve seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren\u2019t terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got to keep in mind\u2014you don\u2019t have an extended relationship with this new 11-year-old step-grandchild. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t know anything about what they like. You don\u2019t know anything about their history, for the most part. You are meeting them for the first-time at 11. They are not sure what to think about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014And you feel a little divided. You\u2019ve got three other biological grandchildren. You do know what they like. You do have a relationship with them. Now, I\u2019m supposed to take time away from them to invest time with this 11-year-old that I don\u2019t know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014who is not sure he wants a relationship with you. The easiest thing to do for a step-grandparent in that situation is go\u2014\u201cLet\u2019s just back off and go where we\u2019re wanted\u201d \u2014but I hear you saying, \u201cThat may be the easiest thing to do, but that may not be the healthiest thing to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think we should always\u2014I mean the life and times of Jesus Christ is a guy who walked around turning outsiders into insiders. Is that not the heart of the Gospel? People who were far from God, and He brings them near to God. He extends the hand of friendship, if you will. He extends love and grace to people who don\u2019t even know that they need it or want it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That\u2019s<\/em> the heart of our Savior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think anytime we do that in <em>any<\/em> situation\u2014let\u2019s just paint a scenario like we were talking about before\u2014let\u2019s say your son or daughter made a choice. It\u2019s a choice you didn\u2019t agree with. There are negative repercussions. You\u2019re not feeling great about it, but\u2014bam!\u2014you\u2019ve got an 11-year-old step-granddaughter. I think you swallow hard, and you go\u2014\u201cLord, help me be an influence in this 11-year-old\u2019s life\u2014help us find ways of connecting\u2014we\u2019ve got to figure this out.\u201d We don\u2019t just pull back and go\u2014\u201cWell, this shouldn\u2019t be, so I\u2019m out of here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like where you are going with that, Ron, because I was just sitting back and thinking, \u201cMost grandparents\u2014when they are finally declared grandparents\u2014are kind of wondering, \u2018What\u2019s my assignment here?\u2019\u201d It\u2019s not necessarily cut and dried with every one of your adult children how they want you to be the grandparent in that situation. Then, you extrapolate the step-grandparenting assignment which that\u2019s a new category for a lot of people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t even know\u2014well, it\u2019s back to being dizzy again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHow do I relate to this person that\u2019s not biologically connected to me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know here\u2019s a principle that I think would apply with both biological grandparenting as well as step-grandparenting: Define the relationship\u2014we\u2019re going to have to have some conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you go to your son or daughter; and you say, \u201cLook, what role would you like for me to play? Here\u2019s what I would love to do. Here\u2019s where I\u2019m interested. Here\u2019s my heart\u2014my passion. How does that fit with you? Your schedule? Your needs? You have a wife or a husband to consider and their parents. Bring us in and give us some guidance so that we can come together and define what our role as grandparents look like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There is one other category, and it\u2019s what we call the later-life step-grandparent. This occurs when someone later in life marries somebody who is a grandparent. So, let\u2019s just paint a scenario. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou maybe, had a 30-year marriage, and your spouse dies. A few years go by, you\u2019re in your mid-60\u2019s\u2014early 70\u2019s\u2014and you fall in love again. You marry somebody who is a grandparent. You instantly have adult step-children and step-grandchildren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNotice, you\u2019re the one who is motivated. You\u2019re the one who made the choice to marry this person. Typically, that step-grandparent is highly motivated to get to know all the generations\u2014both the adult stepchildren as well the step-grandchildren\u2014but the adult step-children and the step-grandchildren may not have any need for you whatsoever in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we often find in this scenario is it\u2019s the adult children\u2014now adult stepchildren\u2014who go\u2014\u201cYou know what? You\u2019re Dad\u2019s wife. You\u2019re not my mom, and you\u2019re not the grandmother to my kids. It\u2019s fine if you show up at Christmas, and we sure want you to cook the turkey at Thanksgiving\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but don\u2019t step into that grandmother role. My mom was grandma\u2014end of story. That adult child has a lot to say about whether or not that step-grandparent can play any role at all in the life of the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just add to that\u2014and we\u2019ve talked about this before\u2014patience\u2014patience is a key virtue in all of this\u2014and then grace. Keep in mind that your kids\u2014your step-kids, their kids\u2014everybody in this scenario has a context for what they are feeling. Loss has been a part of most of these people\u2019s experience\u2014and when loss is a factor\u2014that can pop up in some relationally challenging ways; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is just where we have to be the people who say, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m going to give a ton of grace. When you start acting out of your loss and start getting angry\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cor frustrated or isolating yourself, I\u2019m just going to go\u2014\u2018Okay, there is a context for this, and I\u2019m going to give a lot of grace here.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> This later-life step-grandparent dynamic essentially creates what we call adult step-families. The person who gets caught in the middle of the bunch is the biological parent. Let\u2019s\u2014back to our scenario\u2014this man has married a woman later in his life\u2014in their early 70\u2019s\u2014and his children\u2014they loved Mom. She was a wonderful woman in their life\u2014and she will always be Mom\u2014and to the grandchildren\u2014she will always be Grandmother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad can\u2014he\u2019s got to be careful because if he\u2019s in a position of demanding that his kids welcome her as they would a mother\u2014I just find that that backfires. He\u2019s got to be patient, too. Now, I also want the new step-grandmother in that scenario to not become so possessive. I\u2019ve seen some situations where they look to their husband and say, \u201cLook, if they don\u2019t invite me, then you can\u2019t go be with your kids either\u2014and your grandkids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh! Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That will divide really, really fast. All that does is sabotage yourself in the family. You have to make some sacrifices. Keep the connections alive so that eventually they see you as an asset\u2014somebody new to get to know and hopefully, they do extend themselves and invite you in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Parents in any family are gatekeepers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to give grandparents access to their grandkids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve just started exploring this subject. I mean we\u2019ve just touched the tip of the iceberg in talking about it today. Have you written much on this? Can you point us to where we can get additional help? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, actually, a number of my resources do talk about adult stepfamilies and the step-grandparent dynamic. The most recent is <em>Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, which is a one-year devotional for blended families that talks about a variety of subjects as you walk through the year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> book and our DVD series that churches can use also will talk about some of these things. Then the books, <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em> and <em>The Smart Stepdad<\/em>, each have chapters on these subjects. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, we\u2019ve got these resources available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, and listeners can go online and look for the right starting place\u2014where would you say? <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> would be a good start. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019d encourage people to look at the book of James. James, Chapter 1, verses 2 through 8 would be a great passage of Scripture for any step-family. Let me just read it carefully: \u201cCount it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say here\u2014in all this conversation of feeling dizzy\u2014I think this next command here in Scripture is really timely: \u201cIf any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him, but let him ask in faith with no doubting. For the one who doubts is like the wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are in a step-family situation\u2014whether you are a step-parent, a step-grandparent, a bio-parent\u2014and you need wisdom, call on God. Ask Him to give you wisdom: \u201cHow do we handle this, Lord? This is so complex. We can\u2019t begin to sort through all the pieces of the puzzle here\u201d \u2014but God meets us at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. One of the things, Ron, that you have said is that you\u2019ve got help on this subject. Folks can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You\u2019ve written books and articles\u2014and again, there is information online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and your team are working\u2014now\u2014on an event that\u2019s going to take place October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup>. This is our 6<sup>th<\/sup> Annual Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. It\u2019s going to be happening in Little Rock. In addition to you speaking at the event, Linda Ranson Jacobs\u2014who heads up divorce-care for kids is going to be here. Dave and Meg Robbins will be speaking\u2014Lamar and Ronnie Tyler and others. The focus this year is on parenting in complex families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs often as not, when you\u2019re talking about blended families, the issues that people are asking you about are parenting issues. That\u2019s what the focus will be. Now, this is an event for pastors, church leaders, laymen and women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014anybody who has a heart for step and blended families and wants to help those families thrive in local churches\u2014they should plan to be in Little Rock on October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup> for the 2018 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information available online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions. There is early-bird pricing available now\u2014so get in touch with us quickly to take advantage of that. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014sign up for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry happening in October. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know for some of our listeners, school has only been out for about five or six weeks now. For others of our listeners in other parts of the country, school is starting back up next week. Can you believe it? There are some folks headed back to elementary and junior high and high school as early as next week in some parts of the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we\u2019re encouraging moms and dads now, to sign up for a 30-Day Prayer Challenge encouraging you to be praying for your children every day for the next 30 days as they head back to school\u2014whether they are in kindergarten or whether they are in graduate school. We will send you a daily prayer-prompt via email. It\u2019ll give you Scripture and specific ideas on things to be praying for, for your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can sign up for the 30-Day Prayer Challenge right now at FamilyLifeToday.com, and we\u2019ll get you started immediately with your daily prayer prompts. Here at FamilyLife we are all about trying to effectively develop godly marriages and families\u2014and praying for our kids is one of the ways that that happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re excited because there are a number of churches around the country who have already contacted us, and they are launching <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> groups this fall. In fact, some of them are kicking off the launch by showing the movie that we\u2019ve put together called <em>Like Arrows<\/em> as a special church event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like information about FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series\u2014or the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, again, go to our website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. Maybe, talk to your church leadership about whether this is something you want to do in your local church\u2014and then get in touch with us. You can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say a word of thanks to those of you who partner with us so that all that we\u2019re doing here at FamilyLife can actually happen. Those of you who are regular, monthly Legacy Partners and those of you who will from time to time help support the ministry with a donation\u2014we are so grateful for your partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019d like to express our gratitude today\u2014if you\u2019re able to help with a donation\u2014by sending you a copy of the book that Dennis Rainey wrote recently called <em>Choosing a Life That Matters<\/em>. It\u2019s our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. You can also mail your donation, along with your request for the book. Write to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at Box 7111,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we want to introduce you to a father who has a rather unusual family\u2014a large family. His name is Pastor Gennadiy\u2014and you\u2019ll meet him tomorrow and hear about his 35 children. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:29:59"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["291141"],"filesize":["27.46M"],"filesize_raw":["28790759"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300317.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300317.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Deal, director of FamilyLife Blended, talks about the vital role step-grandparents provide as they help create connection in their families.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When two families merge\u2014when they blend\u2014and now there are stepchildren and stepsiblings\u2014one of the forgotten parts of this equation often, is the new step-grandparents. Here is Ron Deal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice\u2014and all of the sudden, you\u2019ve got not just one, but maybe you\u2019ve got five step-grandchildren\u2014what if you had a bunch\u2014what if you already thrown yourself relationship with your biological grandchildren, now you\u2019ve got five more? It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cHow do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?\u201d I\u2019m just saying\u2014I\u2019ve seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren\u2019t terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Step-grandparenting can be tricky. We have some thoughts today from Ron Deal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014on how to make it work more effectively. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There was a conference back last fall for grandparents. We had some friends who put this together. We helped promote this event\u2014a national conference of grandparenting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The Legacy Conference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. One of the speakers at the conference was Ron Deal who joins us in studio today and is the leader of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Ron, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got invited to come and speak at this conference about step-grandparenting which, Dennis, I don\u2019t know if I ever even stopped to think about that subject\u2014but that\u2019s an issue that a lot of families that all of the sudden find themselves in with very little preparation and very little coaching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I would say most grandparents feel overlooked when it comes to blending a family together; and I can\u2019t imagine what it would be like\u2014to feel like\u2014in some regards, you may be an outsider\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to get back in with grandkids that\u2014at one point\u2014you were their heros. You\u2019re hearing a lot about this subject as you speak around the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I am, Dennis. Bob, in preparation for that Legacy Conference, I did some homework. I do this every single day, but I was a little shocked to discover that 40-percent of families in the U.S. have a step-grandparent\u201440-percent! By the way, that\u2019s stat is 20 years old\u2014it\u2019s old. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, it\u2019s likely higher. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s likely much higher. The other thing that I found was that the prediction that demographers have is that by year 2030 in the U.S.\u2014there will be one step-grandchild for every 1.7 biological grandchildren\u2014less than 2 to 1 ratio. It is a very common experience. It\u2019s going to continue to be\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014a common experience\u2014and of course, it touches all three of the generations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Not just all three generations, but I\u2019m thinking about all of the different permutations of what makes a stepfamily\u2014and then how that expands to the grandparenting. So, if our son and daughter-in-law get a divorce, and now she is the custodial parent, where do we fit into that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If there\u2019s an estrangement between our son and this daughter-in-law, we may be cut out of the picture\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with our grandkids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> What that means is that, at Christmastime, when you want time with your grandkids, there\u2019s probably four or five or six other sets of grandparents who, also want time with the grandkids. So, all of the sudden, life just got really complicated fast. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Then, I\u2019m thinking about the other situation which is where our son or our daughter marries somebody who has been previously married and brings grandkids in, and we didn\u2019t just become new in-laws\u2014we became new step-grandparents\u2014and it happened in an instant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, instead of watching these kids be born, we\u2019re now step-grandparents to a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old that we haven\u2019t ever known before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> What if you have some real mixed feelings about that new relationship? By the way, this is one of the things we are hearing from people: \u201cHey, I have step-grandchildren. By the way, I also have some biological grandchildren. I\u2019ve known them their whole lives, and they\u2019ve known us\u2014we have traditions and time together and all sorts of things. Now, I\u2019m trying to figure out: \u201cWhat do I do, and how do I find time for the step-grandchildren? But that relationship came about because my child\u201d\u2014let\u2019s say\u2014\"made some really poor decisions; and we have mixed feelings about those decisions.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cNow, those decisions have resulted in them getting married and having stepchildren\u2014that gives us step-grandchildren\u2014we never really wanted this. It kind of feels like if we jump in as step-grandparents and throw ourselves into those relationships, that somehow, we\u2019re saying what my son or daughter did is okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWe don\u2019t feel like it\u2019s okay. We\u2019re kind of stuck between, not wanting to give approval\u2014but at the same time\u2014the grandchildren shouldn\u2019t be the ones that suffer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the kind of difficulties that grandparents are finding themselves in\u2014trying to wade through these waters and figure out what to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You outline three different kinds of step-grandparents. There are step-grandparents who step into the life of a child and actually, are in a long-term relationship helping to raise that child to maturity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right. They\u2019ve been in a long-term\u2014we call them long-term step-grandparents, meaning maybe, they were a stepparent at a younger age; and they raised a stepchild, and that stepchild is now an adult, now married, now has children of their own. Technically, those are step-grandchildren to the grandparent; right? But you\u2019ve been in their life since day-one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat long-term step-grandparent, probably, has more of a relationship with their step-grandchildren like a biological grandparent would have with their biological grandchildren. It just feels more natural and more connected because of the length of the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, all of this depends on the kind of relationship that the stepchild has with the stepparent because that\u2019s step-grandparenting is all incumbent on\u2014\u201cAre we still friends\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith this child that we helped raise?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s just kind of walk through the possibilities. On the one hand, let\u2019s say you have a great relationship with your stepchild who, now, becomes a parent. You have step-grandchildren. Odds are you\u2019re Grandma\u2014end of story. That\u2019s going to be a wonderful, easy ride. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe you have\u2014on the other end of the continuum\u2014a really awkward, difficult relationship with your stepchild who, now, has children. It can go one of two ways. What I see a lot is that all of the sudden, the step-grandchildren create an opportunity for connection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t know you as anything different\u2014they feel like you\u2019re Grandma to them or Grandpa to them. All of the sudden, it helps your relationship with your adult stepchild. They watch you be grandmother to their kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> By the way, if you want to win a parent\u2019s heart\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There you go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014bless their child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I mean find ways to build into their lives. I\u2019m not talking about spoiling them with gifts. I\u2019m talking about finding a way to encourage them, build them up, speak truth into their lives, and be an asset to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I hear from a lot of long-term step-grandparents who say, \u201cYou know what? My salvation with my stepchild was the grandkids. That was the backdoor that improved my relationship with them.\u201d I say, \u201cAmen! Hallelujah! Whatever it takes.\u201d Pour into that grandchild, and all of the sudden, their parent is more appreciative of you than they\u2019ve been before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What would you say to the person who is listening to our broadcast right now that would go\u2014\u201cThat\u2019s me. I\u2019m in that situation.\u201d How can they take advantage of it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know it\u2019s the heart attitude of inclusion\u2014and connectedness is always a good, positive thing. I mean, extending yourself in love generally works on your behalf\u2014wouldn\u2019t we assume that as believers; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Love conquers a lot of things. Now sometimes, you are not given permission to love. One of the barriers here for step-grandparents is that middle generation. Let\u2019s say you have a son or daughter or stepson\u2014stepdaughter who blocks your ability to be a grandparent. Well, they can. They can just say, \u201cNo, the kids are not available\u201d; \u201cNo, we\u2019re not going to come over and spend time on Sunday afternoon and have lunch. No\u2014\u201d They can do that, and that\u2019s really unfortunate\u2014it\u2019s a heartbreak when that happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>What I would say to that step-grandparent is \u201cOkay, you have limited opportunity. Make the most of what you have and don\u2019t give up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019d just throw in here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it can be our attitude: \u201cI\u2019m entitled to a relationship with my grandchild.\u201d I think we\u2019ve got to die to that entitlement at some point and go\u2014\u201cI can woo that. I can try to earn that. I can pray for that\u2014but I\u2019m going to have to let go of that sense of entitlement.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> If you try to cash that chip in, you can alienate even further. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. Yes, you certainly don\u2019t want to do that because then that just almost invites somebody to say, \u201cOh no you don\u2019t deserve\u201d; right? Then, you\u2019ve got them digging in their heels. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you\u2019ve got long-term grandparenting. What\u2019s a second kind of grandparenting? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The second one we call inherited step-grandparents. Here is what\u2019s happened probably in your life. You\u2019ve had a son or a daughter who made a choice to marry somebody who has kids. So, your son\u2014let\u2019s just say that\u2014your son has become a stepdad. Well, you just inherited step-grandchildren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow notice, this was not your choice. You\u2019re just cruising along in life. Your son made a choice to marry somebody with kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou didn\u2019t make that choice. You may be in favor of it. You may be happy about it\u2014but at the same time, you didn\u2019t ask for grandkids\u2014you didn\u2019t ask for this to be brought into your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean most grandparents are excited when they become grandparents. It\u2019s a little weird sometimes, to hear people say the very first-time, but\u2014\u201cYes, I\u2019m getting used to the idea.\u201d Then they throw themselves into. Sometimes, when somebody else made a choice\u2014and all of the sudden you\u2019ve got not just one, but maybe you\u2019ve got five step-grandchildren\u2014what if you already had a bunch? What if you already had\u2014you\u2019ve already thrown yourself into relationships with your biological grandchildren\u2014and now, you\u2019ve got five more? It\u2019s like\u2014\u201cHow do I fit all of this in? How do we do the finances?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>I\u2019m just saying\u2014I\u2019ve seen and been involved in situations where the step-grandparents just aren\u2019t terribly excited about this. That can be a disappointment to their adult child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got to keep in mind\u2014you don\u2019t have an extended relationship with this new 11-year-old step-grandchild. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou don\u2019t know anything about what they like. You don\u2019t know anything about their history, for the most part. You are meeting them for the first-time at 11. They are not sure what to think about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014And you feel a little divided. You\u2019ve got three other biological grandchildren. You do know what they like. You do have a relationship with them. Now, I\u2019m supposed to take time away from them to invest time with this 11-year-old that I don\u2019t know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014who is not sure he wants a relationship with you. The easiest thing to do for a step-grandparent in that situation is go\u2014\u201cLet\u2019s just back off and go where we\u2019re wanted\u201d \u2014but I hear you saying, \u201cThat may be the easiest thing to do, but that may not be the healthiest thing to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think we should always\u2014I mean the life and times of Jesus Christ is a guy who walked around turning outsiders into insiders. Is that not the heart of the Gospel? People who were far from God, and He brings them near to God. He extends the hand of friendship, if you will. He extends love and grace to people who don\u2019t even know that they need it or want it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That\u2019s<\/em> the heart of our Savior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think anytime we do that in <em>any<\/em> situation\u2014let\u2019s just paint a scenario like we were talking about before\u2014let\u2019s say your son or daughter made a choice. It\u2019s a choice you didn\u2019t agree with. There are negative repercussions. You\u2019re not feeling great about it, but\u2014bam!\u2014you\u2019ve got an 11-year-old step-granddaughter. I think you swallow hard, and you go\u2014\u201cLord, help me be an influence in this 11-year-old\u2019s life\u2014help us find ways of connecting\u2014we\u2019ve got to figure this out.\u201d We don\u2019t just pull back and go\u2014\u201cWell, this shouldn\u2019t be, so I\u2019m out of here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I like where you are going with that, Ron, because I was just sitting back and thinking, \u201cMost grandparents\u2014when they are finally declared grandparents\u2014are kind of wondering, \u2018What\u2019s my assignment here?\u2019\u201d It\u2019s not necessarily cut and dried with every one of your adult children how they want you to be the grandparent in that situation. Then, you extrapolate the step-grandparenting assignment which that\u2019s a new category for a lot of people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey don\u2019t even know\u2014well, it\u2019s back to being dizzy again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cHow do I relate to this person that\u2019s not biologically connected to me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know here\u2019s a principle that I think would apply with both biological grandparenting as well as step-grandparenting: Define the relationship\u2014we\u2019re going to have to have some conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, you go to your son or daughter; and you say, \u201cLook, what role would you like for me to play? Here\u2019s what I would love to do. Here\u2019s where I\u2019m interested. Here\u2019s my heart\u2014my passion. How does that fit with you? Your schedule? Your needs? You have a wife or a husband to consider and their parents. Bring us in and give us some guidance so that we can come together and define what our role as grandparents look like.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>There is one other category, and it\u2019s what we call the later-life step-grandparent. This occurs when someone later in life marries somebody who is a grandparent. So, let\u2019s just paint a scenario. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou maybe, had a 30-year marriage, and your spouse dies. A few years go by, you\u2019re in your mid-60\u2019s\u2014early 70\u2019s\u2014and you fall in love again. You marry somebody who is a grandparent. You instantly have adult step-children and step-grandchildren. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNotice, you\u2019re the one who is motivated. You\u2019re the one who made the choice to marry this person. Typically, that step-grandparent is highly motivated to get to know all the generations\u2014both the adult stepchildren as well the step-grandchildren\u2014but the adult step-children and the step-grandchildren may not have any need for you whatsoever in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we often find in this scenario is it\u2019s the adult children\u2014now adult stepchildren\u2014who go\u2014\u201cYou know what? You\u2019re Dad\u2019s wife. You\u2019re not my mom, and you\u2019re not the grandmother to my kids. It\u2019s fine if you show up at Christmas, and we sure want you to cook the turkey at Thanksgiving\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but don\u2019t step into that grandmother role. My mom was grandma\u2014end of story. That adult child has a lot to say about whether or not that step-grandparent can play any role at all in the life of the family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just add to that\u2014and we\u2019ve talked about this before\u2014patience\u2014patience is a key virtue in all of this\u2014and then grace. Keep in mind that your kids\u2014your step-kids, their kids\u2014everybody in this scenario has a context for what they are feeling. Loss has been a part of most of these people\u2019s experience\u2014and when loss is a factor\u2014that can pop up in some relationally challenging ways; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is just where we have to be the people who say, \u201cYou know what? I\u2019m going to give a ton of grace. When you start acting out of your loss and start getting angry\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cor frustrated or isolating yourself, I\u2019m just going to go\u2014\u2018Okay, there is a context for this, and I\u2019m going to give a lot of grace here.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> This later-life step-grandparent dynamic essentially creates what we call adult step-families. The person who gets caught in the middle of the bunch is the biological parent. Let\u2019s\u2014back to our scenario\u2014this man has married a woman later in his life\u2014in their early 70\u2019s\u2014and his children\u2014they loved Mom. She was a wonderful woman in their life\u2014and she will always be Mom\u2014and to the grandchildren\u2014she will always be Grandmother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDad can\u2014he\u2019s got to be careful because if he\u2019s in a position of demanding that his kids welcome her as they would a mother\u2014I just find that that backfires. He\u2019s got to be patient, too. Now, I also want the new step-grandmother in that scenario to not become so possessive. I\u2019ve seen some situations where they look to their husband and say, \u201cLook, if they don\u2019t invite me, then you can\u2019t go be with your kids either\u2014and your grandkids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh! Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That will divide really, really fast. All that does is sabotage yourself in the family. You have to make some sacrifices. Keep the connections alive so that eventually they see you as an asset\u2014somebody new to get to know and hopefully, they do extend themselves and invite you in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Parents in any family are gatekeepers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014to give grandparents access to their grandkids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve just started exploring this subject. I mean we\u2019ve just touched the tip of the iceberg in talking about it today. Have you written much on this? Can you point us to where we can get additional help? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, actually, a number of my resources do talk about adult stepfamilies and the step-grandparent dynamic. The most recent is <em>Daily Encouragement for the Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, which is a one-year devotional for blended families that talks about a variety of subjects as you walk through the year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> book and our DVD series that churches can use also will talk about some of these things. Then the books, <em>The Smart Stepmom<\/em> and <em>The Smart Stepdad<\/em>, each have chapters on these subjects. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, we\u2019ve got these resources available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center, and listeners can go online and look for the right starting place\u2014where would you say? <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> would be a good start. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019d encourage people to look at the book of James. James, Chapter 1, verses 2 through 8 would be a great passage of Scripture for any step-family. Let me just read it carefully: \u201cCount it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness and let steadfastness have its full effect that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say here\u2014in all this conversation of feeling dizzy\u2014I think this next command here in Scripture is really timely: \u201cIf any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given to him, but let him ask in faith with no doubting. For the one who doubts is like the wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord. He is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are in a step-family situation\u2014whether you are a step-parent, a step-grandparent, a bio-parent\u2014and you need wisdom, call on God. Ask Him to give you wisdom: \u201cHow do we handle this, Lord? This is so complex. We can\u2019t begin to sort through all the pieces of the puzzle here\u201d \u2014but God meets us at that point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. One of the things, Ron, that you have said is that you\u2019ve got help on this subject. Folks can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. You\u2019ve written books and articles\u2014and again, there is information online at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou and your team are working\u2014now\u2014on an event that\u2019s going to take place October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup>. This is our 6<sup>th<\/sup> Annual Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. It\u2019s going to be happening in Little Rock. In addition to you speaking at the event, Linda Ranson Jacobs\u2014who heads up divorce-care for kids is going to be here. Dave and Meg Robbins will be speaking\u2014Lamar and Ronnie Tyler and others. The focus this year is on parenting in complex families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs often as not, when you\u2019re talking about blended families, the issues that people are asking you about are parenting issues. That\u2019s what the focus will be. Now, this is an event for pastors, church leaders, laymen and women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014anybody who has a heart for step and blended families and wants to help those families thrive in local churches\u2014they should plan to be in Little Rock on October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup> for the 2018 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information available online at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you have any questions. There is early-bird pricing available now\u2014so get in touch with us quickly to take advantage of that. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014sign up for the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry happening in October. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know for some of our listeners, school has only been out for about five or six weeks now. For others of our listeners in other parts of the country, school is starting back up next week. Can you believe it? There are some folks headed back to elementary and junior high and high school as early as next week in some parts of the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we\u2019re encouraging moms and dads now, to sign up for a 30-Day Prayer Challenge encouraging you to be praying for your children every day for the next 30 days as they head back to school\u2014whether they are in kindergarten or whether they are in graduate school. We will send you a daily prayer-prompt via email. It\u2019ll give you Scripture and specific ideas on things to be praying for, for your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can sign up for the 30-Day Prayer Challenge right now at FamilyLifeToday.com, and we\u2019ll get you started immediately with your daily prayer prompts. Here at FamilyLife we are all about trying to effectively develop godly marriages and families\u2014and praying for our kids is one of the ways that that happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re excited because there are a number of churches around the country who have already contacted us, and they are launching <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> groups this fall. In fact, some of them are kicking off the launch by showing the movie that we\u2019ve put together called <em>Like Arrows<\/em> as a special church event. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like information about FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series\u2014or the movie, <em>Like Arrows<\/em>, again, go to our website\u2014FamilyLifeToday.com. Maybe, talk to your church leadership about whether this is something you want to do in your local church\u2014and then get in touch with us. You can call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say a word of thanks to those of you who partner with us so that all that we\u2019re doing here at FamilyLife can actually happen. Those of you who are regular, monthly Legacy Partners and those of you who will from time to time help support the ministry with a donation\u2014we are so grateful for your partnership. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we\u2019d like to express our gratitude today\u2014if you\u2019re able to help with a donation\u2014by sending you a copy of the book that Dennis Rainey wrote recently called <em>Choosing a Life That Matters<\/em>. It\u2019s our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com\u2014or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. You can also mail your donation, along with your request for the book. Write to <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>at Box 7111,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014Little Rock, Arkansas; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we want to introduce you to a father who has a rather unusual family\u2014a large family. His name is Pastor Gennadiy\u2014and you\u2019ll meet him tomorrow and hear about his 35 children. That comes up tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas. A Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300317","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300317"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/291141"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300317"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300317"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300317"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300317"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300317"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300317"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}