{"id":300305,"date":"2018-07-20T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-20T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/regaining-equilibrium\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:29","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:29","slug":"regaining-equilibrium","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/regaining-equilibrium\/","title":{"rendered":"Regaining Equilibrium"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ron and Nan Deal lost their 12-year-old son Connor in 2009. The Deals discuss how they regained their footing, especially in their marriage, after experiencing such a tragic loss.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:42","filesize":"24.45M","filesize_raw":"25642425","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2847,2860,2879],"tags":[4459,2343,4457,4458],"podcast_series":[7232],"cwp_profile":[3629,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300305","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-death-and-dying","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-loss-of-a-child","tag-god-restores-what-the-locusts-have-eaten","tag-grief","tag-loss-of-a-child","tag-tragic-loss","podcast_series-connors-song","cwp_profile-nan-deal","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300305\/regaining-equilibrium","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300305\/regaining-equilibrium","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"uwLD7Ytm9g\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/regaining-equilibrium\/\">Regaining Equilibrium<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/regaining-equilibrium\/embed\/#?secret=uwLD7Ytm9g\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Regaining Equilibrium&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"uwLD7Ytm9g\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When Ron and Nan Deal lost their 12-year-old son, Connor, both of them went through a season of prolonged grief; and both of them, they learned, grieved differently. Here\u2019s Nan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> With anything in marriage\u2014whether it\u2019s your parenting, money, communication\u2014a husband and a wife \/ a man and a woman are going to come at it differently. Definitely, grief is one of those things that you are wired differently for it. I needed to vent. Ron needed to think about it. Our other sons needed to do their thing. We just gave each other time. I think the one good thing that we did, as a family, was we extended each other a <em>tremendous<\/em> amount of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Ron and Nan Deal join us today to talk about how they extended grace to one another in the midst of their grief and how they still deal with that grief, more than a decade after Connor\u2019s death. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. When we have a friend or a loved one, who has been through a traumatic experience, obviously, we do our best to come around and try to help and bring hope and healing in the midst of the trauma. When a family goes through a trauma together, and everyone is recovering, it\u2019s pretty hard for them to draw on the resources of one another; because they are all shell-shocked from what they\u2019ve experienced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s a community project in the true sense of the word, because you\u2019ve got individuals suffering. You\u2019ve also got a marriage that\u2019s going through difficulty and children, which form a family, also\u2014so <em>nothing<\/em> is the same. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our listeners have not been listening, this week, to a story that we have been telling with Ron and Nan Deal, they need to go back and listen. Ron is the Executive Director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Nan is a school teacher; in fact, what grade do you teach? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I teach kindergarten across the street at Don Roberts. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> God bless you\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I love it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014kindergarten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I love it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the story of one of their three children\u2014Connor, who, at the age of 12 years old, found his life taken from his family and had him transported to heaven, because he knew the Savior and was a born-again follower of Christ; but it was a <em>tragic<\/em> loss of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been talking about loss. Ron, as you and Nan regained your equilibrium, what would you say is the best thing\u2014and Nan, I want you to answer this too\u2014what would you say is the best thing you did for regaining your sense of balance? I\u2019m not saying that was done in <em>weeks<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m imagining it was probably years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWow! There are so many elements to that. If I had to boil it down to one thing, I would just say, \u201cStaying in connection with other people, who have also walked this road, who could help us \/ who could somehow help us make sense of it\u2014talk about it in a safe place. Just the fact that they were still breathing air and walking around showed us: \u201cI guess we can get through this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you didn\u2019t isolate from people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No; we sought out people who had also lost children. When they came along, we latched on to them and tried to learn, and listen, and talk. That probably is the <em>single<\/em> most important thing that has helped us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve seen statistics\u2014you may have seen them as well\u2014that, when parents experience the loss of a child, it can very often\u2014and I don\u2019t know how high; I\u2019ve seen the numbers vary, I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but it can often lead to the end of the marriage; because both are grieving \/ both are looking to the other for help\u2014they can\u2019t provide it\u2014they isolate; they become alienated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou experienced a little of what that feels like; didn\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We did. We certainly had to seek equilibrium in our marriage. By the way, I heard all those stats\u2014I used to quote them. Then, when it happened to me, and I lost a child, I went and <em>looked<\/em>; and we don\u2019t know. People say the divorce rate is really high, but nobody knows. There\u2019s not any good science around this, but the point you make is valid\u2014that it does create stress and strain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Babe, wouldn\u2019t you say we\u2019ve had plenty of that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I think so. I think, with anything in marriage\u2014whether it is your parenting, money, communication\u2014a husband and a wife \/ a man and a woman are going to come at it differently. Definitely, grief is one of those things that you are wired differently for it. I think in the beginning, we were thrust together; and we <em>clung<\/em> to one another. Then, I think the one good thing we did, as a family, was we extended each other a <em>tremendous<\/em> amount of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI needed to vent. Ron needed to think about it. Our other sons needed to do their thing. We just gave each other grace and time; but as the years went on, I\u2019m still trying to vent about it and trying to figure out. Ron has taken a different path with his grief. The senior year\u2014that year that Connor would have graduated\u2014<em>leveled<\/em> me and brought me back to year\u2014ground zero\u2014not as hard of a year for Ron; and we had some legs underneath us\u2014I think we were six years in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you just have to give each other a tremendous amount of grace. Not everybody is going to grieve the same. I have a <em>huge<\/em> grieving community with parents, and we all come at it <em>so<\/em> differently. That is one thing that has been life-giving to me\u2014not only the friends and family that continue, to this day, to walk alongside us\u2014I mean, walk alongside us\u2014they\u2019ve never forgotten us; they\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> forgotten our son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat has been <em>everything<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read everything that a parent wrote\u2014if <em>you<\/em> didn\u2019t lose a child, I didn\u2019t want to hear from you\u2014I read <em>everything<\/em> that a mom or dad\u2014I could get my hands on. I think I was trying to find that one thing that was going to help me fix this; and yet, within that, I found a voice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I found my voice, so I knew I wasn\u2019t going crazy. I knew these thoughts and feelings I was having were valid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Then<\/em>, God\u2019s provision for me was other grieving moms. I was talking to a mom <em>today<\/em>\u2014because it\u2019s her son\u2019s birthday\u2014he should be 21. [Emotion in voice] My <em>group<\/em> of moms and dads\u2014that\u2019s everything; because, when you\u2019re in this place of grief that <em>nobody<\/em> wants to be in\u2014like you said\u2014you can\u2019t fathom it; it\u2019s the indescribable pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou really do feel like an alien, and you want to be normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, when you are talking, and you\u2019re feeling, and you\u2019re living life out with someone going in a different way; and you\u2019ve had to figure that all out and you sit down with\u2014well, I\u2019ll say this. We were on the cruise two years ago. We were not supposed to be at dinner with these people, and I know it was God\u2019s provision for me. We were put at a random table. We went and sat down, and there was this delightful couple from New Zealand. We\u2019re sitting there, doing pleasantries. Then, the question: \u201cWell, tell me about your family.\u201d \u201cWell, tell me about your family.\u201d They bravely just said, \u201cWell, we need you to know we lost a daughter. We immediately said, \u201cWe lost a son!\u201d The rest of the evening was about Natasha and Connor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was beautiful and painfully beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> We <em>cried<\/em>, and we\u2014it was just like we entered into this sacred, holy place together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe could be <em>normal<\/em> in that place with this other couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nan, I have to go back to your venting and Ron\u2019s processing. When he was not venting, like you were venting, you had to be thinking, \u201cHe does not <em>care<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Nan:<\/strong> Yes; and he took that road of faith quicker than I did\u2014he got back on it quicker than I did. I will admit\u2014I was very angry with God. I was very confused. I just had a\u2014I just had a season of doubt and disbelief; and I truly went into a despair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to ask you, Nan. What was the road you took? You\u2019re saying it was the road of unbelief and doubt. Ron, how did you interpret that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I was aware \/ she was aware that our paths were separating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said it well, earlier\u2014in the beginning, it thrust us together. We talked alike \/ grieved alike, and walked <em>together<\/em>. Slowly, over time, we began to diverge and go a little bit in different directions. We were aware we had to work at staying close. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also knew that other people, who stepped into her life\u2014one woman in particular, Pam Cope, who is a mother who lost a son\u2014and Nan and she instantly bonded. That was a very valuable relationship. It gave somebody for Nan to vent to, and I didn\u2019t always have to be the one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt never became\u2014I think that\u2019s one thing we did right, Babe\u2014is that we didn\u2019t judge each other as being wrong in how we expressed our grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We did acknowledge that I didn\u2019t always know how to connect with her and where she was. She didn\u2019t always understand where I was. We found other ways, and I think that was God\u2019s grace that people came into our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things that helped you regain equilibrium is that, at some point, you said, \u201cWe want to honor our son\u2019s legacy, and we want the memory of his life to be about something bigger than just he was a 12-year-old boy, who got an infection and died from it.\u201d That became something very beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Very early on, after Connor passed away, I needed to find his voice and that I could talk about him. I could talk about Braden still; I could talk about Brennan all day long, and there was this void. It was <em>so<\/em> important to me to find his voice. I didn\u2019t know it would come out in a legacy. I didn\u2019t know that it would be honoring him in quiet things that we did for other people or other children, but that was finding his voice for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, very early on, I\u2014memorial money was coming in, and other things were happening. I was truly trying desperately to find that [his voice] for my son. It had to embody everything that he loved and what he loved to do, so it could bless other people\u2014especially, children because he loved children; and he was so childlike in his faith. It just was important that we bless other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was told, early on, too\u2014well, 18 months in: \u201cMaybe, if you step outside of yourself and serve,\u201d\u2014that was another mom, who had lost a son, saying, \u201cIf you could just twist it around and turn it around on its end, you can see that that might be healing and helpful for you.\u201d It truly has been. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Through a series of God-connections, which is a great story\u2014we just don\u2019t have time to go into it today\u2014Pam and Randy Cope, who lost their son Jantsen many years ago, started an organization called Touch a Life Foundation\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014first, ministering to orphans in Cambodia and then moving into Ghana, where they help rescue trafficked children\u2014vulnerable and exploited children\u2014and then raise them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey just stepped into our lives and loved on us as grieving parents; but eventually, we found an opportunity to go with them. Nan\u2019s first trip to Ghana with Pam was momentous. She was able to meet these children and share in a story\u2014a narrative of grief \/ connect with them. We began to dream: \u201cWhat can we do to serve these kids \/ to come alongside the Touch a Life Foundation?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat led to a vision for a therapeutic art center that would be a place for them to learn, and create, and have fun and cut loose; but also, for some therapeutic art healing\/therapy to take place. We found ourselves meeting people, who used to be on <em>Extreme Makeover: Home Edition<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the ABC Television show that built houses for worthy families. They joined and went to Africa\u2014twice\u2014on their own dime and helped us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> \u2014design our art center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014design this art center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next thing, you know\u2014we built this thing. It turns out the kids there love Legos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of all things; and our son, Connor, was a Lego nut. There was this moment, where the designers kind of looked at Nan; and she looked at them. The lights went off, and it was like: \u201cThat\u2019s it!\u201d We built a giant Lego-looking building in West Africa, where these kids get time, day in and day out. We get to go, year after year; and we\u2019ve led teams on a regular basis to help pour into who these kids are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the beauty in this\u2014I\u2019ve just got to say. We went and saw a movie called <em>Taken<\/em> about a girl that was taken for the purposes of child trafficking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEighteen months after that, my wife went to Africa and literally helped take back a child\u2014help rescue a child at the age of ten. A year after that, we were building a therapeutic art center so we could help take back the hearts and minds of the kids who had been taken into child trafficking. It is the most painfully beautiful thing in our world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI figured out once\u2014I\u2019ve got a theory\u2014you have to find a legacy that matches the depth of your pain. Getting on an airplane, going halfway across the world, and doing something <em>amazing<\/em> on behalf of children, who don\u2019t have moms and dads or homes, to me, is absolutely as great as the depth of my pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> It has been sustaining for us. It\u2019s what we continue to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was a therapeutic art center because of something about who Connor was? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He was an artist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> He was an artist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He was a singer. People can go on YouTube and search \u201cConnor Deal.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey will find a song that he did, live, during a Christmas production at our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got a link to it on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, if folks want to listen to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He loved to draw, and create, and play Legos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> He was everything artistic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> He was choreographing; he was storyboarding scenes\u2014he wanted to be the next George Lucas. He was truly a right-brain child. I don\u2019t think there was any left [brain] to him. [Laughter] He lived in this world of fantasy and fiction\u2014he was so creative and <em>so<\/em> artistic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So, when we see these kids over there, learning how to become artists, it\u2019s him. I can\u2019t say enough about how people came alongside us. We haven\u2019t mentioned my sister, who, the first year after Connor died, flew halfway across the country\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> \u2014every month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and spent time in our home. When she\u2014when Aunt Cheryle would show up, our other two boys would say, \u201cOh, we get to eat!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, we forgot to feed our kids, guys; I mean, we were in such grief and just paralyzed. We didn\u2019t <em>function<\/em> for two years as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, if there is a call I have on my heart to the church \/ to people listening right now: \u201cIf you know somebody who has gone through a <em>significant<\/em> loss in their life, please bring it up. Please ask them how they are doing. Please say the name of the person they\u2019ve lost. This is a marathon, not a sprint; and they need you at mile five, and at mile ten, and at mile twenty\u2014not just at mile one. You have to walk alongside people.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church, honestly, has to find ways of coming alongside people so that we don\u2019t just throw platitudes, and a good funeral, and feed them for six weeks, and then abandon them to figure it out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I have <em>sat<\/em> with <em>so<\/em> many grieving parents. It\u2019s the same story\u2014with either in their community or their faith community\u2014that they\u2019ve just been lost or left. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know it\u2019s a hard loss to face. I know that it\u2019s difficult when it is a child, but it is a common tale for all of us\u2014it\u2019s isolating. I think the church, and the Christian community, and the Western world could do a better job with grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s a group that created a ministry specifically for grieving parents, While We\u2019re Waiting\u2014as in \u201c\u2026while we\u2019re waiting to see our kids again.\u201d While We\u2019re Waiting does retreats for moms, dads, and couples, who have lost a child <em>for free<\/em>\u2014every one of them is free. They\u2019ve begun expanding across the country. We <em>love<\/em> what they are doing; we love who the people are. Tell your church about it. If somebody loses a child, let your church come behind them and pay their way to that sort of thing. It is a <em>very<\/em> important ministry, and it is <em>so<\/em> rare. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore While We\u2019re Waiting started, we weren\u2019t aware of any national organization that was doing anything, specifically, in the Christian community, for grieving parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are lots of grief programs, but it\u2019s not the same when you\u2019ve lost a child. To have something that is targeted in that direction is very commendable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There is something you said earlier that I just want to go back to and put a double underline under, because I think this could be one of the most important steps in providing that equilibrium and also the legacy that you\u2019ve left on behalf of Connor. You made a statement\u2014you said, \u201cLeave a legacy that matches the depths of your pain.\u201d I think that is a <em>great<\/em> challenge\u2014I really do. I think that is a life-giving challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo that person, who has lost a loved one\u2014a son\/a daughter\/a husband\/a wife\u2014take a step back and go, \u201cWhat\u2019s the level of my pain?\u201d Then, begin to ask God, \u201cWould You show me how I can honor the life that I experienced with this person by matching that depth with a glorious declaration of God\u2019s grace \/ of doing something positive for other people?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not take your eyes off yourself so you stop grieving \/ keep doing that\u2014but get your eyes focused on the horizon, to think, \u201cWho can we help?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>love<\/em> it that you are helping kids in Africa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Dennis, I have a video on my phone of my wife picking up a ten-year-old child\u2014carrying him out of a village in West Africa, across a lake on a boat to safety\u2014where that child is now growing up, today, cared for, getting educated, and learning about the Lord. I have a video of that. \u201cAre you kidding me? In this day and age, that happens?!\u201d\u2014I have a video of that. Every time I think about how Connor was taken, I think about her taking back\u2014[Emotion in voice]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014that child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em>. It reminds me that, even though we sometimes feel alone in our grief, like: \u201cGod, where are You?\u201d\u2014I want people to know that God is always working behind the scenes. He\u2019s always orchestrating on our behalf, and He is weeping with us over the things that we weep about\u2014that should not be. He didn\u2019t create death. He didn\u2019t create things like this to happen. It just does, and He is sad with us. He has <em>not<\/em> forgotten us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> The beauty of Touch a Life \/ the thing I <em>love<\/em> about it so much is that it is based on\u2014you know, the whole care facility is Jantsen\u2014but then every single building, at that care center, is in honor of someone\u2019s child. That is the Cope\u2019s going there, and reaching out to us, and then reaching out to other families. It is truly the beauty out of the ashes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s Zachary\u2019s House; there\u2019s Seth; there\u2019s another Connor; there\u2019s Taylor; there\u2019s Chase\u2019s House. They are all of these losses that we all now are coming together to say: \u201cOkay; here\u2019s something we want to give back,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s beautiful for these children.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I read this morning in Psalm 124: \u201cIf it had not been for the Lord who had been on our side,\u201d\u2014and it repeats it\u2014\u201cLet all of Israel say, \u2018If it had not been for the Lord being on our side,\u2019\u201d\u2014the point was they would have perished, but God does get on our side. He is near the brokenhearted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI appreciate you guys allowing us entry into your grief process but also in the glorious declaration of a legacy of Connor. Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We mentioned a couple of links we have on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. If folks want to know more about the retreats that are available for parents going through grief\u2014the While We\u2019re Waiting retreats\u2014we\u2019ve got a link about those at FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have information about Touch a Life, including a link to the video of Connor\u2019s song. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind all of that when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, along with information about the book we\u2019ve been mentioning this week, <em>A Grace Disguised<\/em>, by Jerry Sittser\u2014a book that helps all of us walk through loss or grief when we\u2019re experiencing that as a family. Again, all of these resources are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d like to order the book by phone, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, with the weekend in front of us, I hope you and your family are planning to worship together in your local church this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope that you are also regular financial supporters of your local church. You know, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we are listener-supported. We often remind you of the fact that we couldn\u2019t do what we do without your financial support; but we want to make sure you understand, from our perspective, your local church should be the place where your giving begins. That should be your top priority when it comes to financial support. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help us beyond what you are giving to your local church, the funds you provide for us enable us to extend the reach of this ministry so that more people can, more regularly, receive practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family. If you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to express our thanks by sending you a copy of Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Choosing a Life That Matters<\/em>. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you go online today at FamilyLifeToday.com to donate or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we hope you have a great weekend this weekend. We\u2019ll see you back Monday when we\u2019re going to talk to Hanna Seymour about what young women ought to be doing to prepare for life on campus as they head off to college this fall. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:42"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.45M"],"filesize_raw":["25642425"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300305.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300305.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Nan Deal lost their 12-year-old son Connor in 2009. The Deals discuss how they regained their footing, especially in their marriage, after experiencing such a tragic loss.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When Ron and Nan Deal lost their 12-year-old son, Connor, both of them went through a season of prolonged grief; and both of them, they learned, grieved differently. Here\u2019s Nan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> With anything in marriage\u2014whether it\u2019s your parenting, money, communication\u2014a husband and a wife \/ a man and a woman are going to come at it differently. Definitely, grief is one of those things that you are wired differently for it. I needed to vent. Ron needed to think about it. Our other sons needed to do their thing. We just gave each other time. I think the one good thing that we did, as a family, was we extended each other a <em>tremendous<\/em> amount of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, July 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. Ron and Nan Deal join us today to talk about how they extended grace to one another in the midst of their grief and how they still deal with that grief, more than a decade after Connor\u2019s death. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. When we have a friend or a loved one, who has been through a traumatic experience, obviously, we do our best to come around and try to help and bring hope and healing in the midst of the trauma. When a family goes through a trauma together, and everyone is recovering, it\u2019s pretty hard for them to draw on the resources of one another; because they are all shell-shocked from what they\u2019ve experienced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s a community project in the true sense of the word, because you\u2019ve got individuals suffering. You\u2019ve also got a marriage that\u2019s going through difficulty and children, which form a family, also\u2014so <em>nothing<\/em> is the same. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf our listeners have not been listening, this week, to a story that we have been telling with Ron and Nan Deal, they need to go back and listen. Ron is the Executive Director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Nan is a school teacher; in fact, what grade do you teach? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I teach kindergarten across the street at Don Roberts. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> God bless you\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I love it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014kindergarten. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I love it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the story of one of their three children\u2014Connor, who, at the age of 12 years old, found his life taken from his family and had him transported to heaven, because he knew the Savior and was a born-again follower of Christ; but it was a <em>tragic<\/em> loss of life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve been talking about loss. Ron, as you and Nan regained your equilibrium, what would you say is the best thing\u2014and Nan, I want you to answer this too\u2014what would you say is the best thing you did for regaining your sense of balance? I\u2019m not saying that was done in <em>weeks<\/em>\u2014I\u2019m imagining it was probably years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWow! There are so many elements to that. If I had to boil it down to one thing, I would just say, \u201cStaying in connection with other people, who have also walked this road, who could help us \/ who could somehow help us make sense of it\u2014talk about it in a safe place. Just the fact that they were still breathing air and walking around showed us: \u201cI guess we can get through this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So, you didn\u2019t isolate from people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No; we sought out people who had also lost children. When they came along, we latched on to them and tried to learn, and listen, and talk. That probably is the <em>single<\/em> most important thing that has helped us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve seen statistics\u2014you may have seen them as well\u2014that, when parents experience the loss of a child, it can very often\u2014and I don\u2019t know how high; I\u2019ve seen the numbers vary, I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but it can often lead to the end of the marriage; because both are grieving \/ both are looking to the other for help\u2014they can\u2019t provide it\u2014they isolate; they become alienated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou experienced a little of what that feels like; didn\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We did. We certainly had to seek equilibrium in our marriage. By the way, I heard all those stats\u2014I used to quote them. Then, when it happened to me, and I lost a child, I went and <em>looked<\/em>; and we don\u2019t know. People say the divorce rate is really high, but nobody knows. There\u2019s not any good science around this, but the point you make is valid\u2014that it does create stress and strain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Babe, wouldn\u2019t you say we\u2019ve had plenty of that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I think so. I think, with anything in marriage\u2014whether it is your parenting, money, communication\u2014a husband and a wife \/ a man and a woman are going to come at it differently. Definitely, grief is one of those things that you are wired differently for it. I think in the beginning, we were thrust together; and we <em>clung<\/em> to one another. Then, I think the one good thing we did, as a family, was we extended each other a <em>tremendous<\/em> amount of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI needed to vent. Ron needed to think about it. Our other sons needed to do their thing. We just gave each other grace and time; but as the years went on, I\u2019m still trying to vent about it and trying to figure out. Ron has taken a different path with his grief. The senior year\u2014that year that Connor would have graduated\u2014<em>leveled<\/em> me and brought me back to year\u2014ground zero\u2014not as hard of a year for Ron; and we had some legs underneath us\u2014I think we were six years in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you just have to give each other a tremendous amount of grace. Not everybody is going to grieve the same. I have a <em>huge<\/em> grieving community with parents, and we all come at it <em>so<\/em> differently. That is one thing that has been life-giving to me\u2014not only the friends and family that continue, to this day, to walk alongside us\u2014I mean, walk alongside us\u2014they\u2019ve never forgotten us; they\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> forgotten our son. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat has been <em>everything<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read everything that a parent wrote\u2014if <em>you<\/em> didn\u2019t lose a child, I didn\u2019t want to hear from you\u2014I read <em>everything<\/em> that a mom or dad\u2014I could get my hands on. I think I was trying to find that one thing that was going to help me fix this; and yet, within that, I found a voice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I found my voice, so I knew I wasn\u2019t going crazy. I knew these thoughts and feelings I was having were valid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>Then<\/em>, God\u2019s provision for me was other grieving moms. I was talking to a mom <em>today<\/em>\u2014because it\u2019s her son\u2019s birthday\u2014he should be 21. [Emotion in voice] My <em>group<\/em> of moms and dads\u2014that\u2019s everything; because, when you\u2019re in this place of grief that <em>nobody<\/em> wants to be in\u2014like you said\u2014you can\u2019t fathom it; it\u2019s the indescribable pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou really do feel like an alien, and you want to be normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYet, when you are talking, and you\u2019re feeling, and you\u2019re living life out with someone going in a different way; and you\u2019ve had to figure that all out and you sit down with\u2014well, I\u2019ll say this. We were on the cruise two years ago. We were not supposed to be at dinner with these people, and I know it was God\u2019s provision for me. We were put at a random table. We went and sat down, and there was this delightful couple from New Zealand. We\u2019re sitting there, doing pleasantries. Then, the question: \u201cWell, tell me about your family.\u201d \u201cWell, tell me about your family.\u201d They bravely just said, \u201cWell, we need you to know we lost a daughter. We immediately said, \u201cWe lost a son!\u201d The rest of the evening was about Natasha and Connor. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It was beautiful and painfully beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> We <em>cried<\/em>, and we\u2014it was just like we entered into this sacred, holy place together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe could be <em>normal<\/em> in that place with this other couple. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Nan, I have to go back to your venting and Ron\u2019s processing. When he was not venting, like you were venting, you had to be thinking, \u201cHe does not <em>care<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Nan:<\/strong> Yes; and he took that road of faith quicker than I did\u2014he got back on it quicker than I did. I will admit\u2014I was very angry with God. I was very confused. I just had a\u2014I just had a season of doubt and disbelief; and I truly went into a despair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to ask you, Nan. What was the road you took? You\u2019re saying it was the road of unbelief and doubt. Ron, how did you interpret that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I was aware \/ she was aware that our paths were separating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said it well, earlier\u2014in the beginning, it thrust us together. We talked alike \/ grieved alike, and walked <em>together<\/em>. Slowly, over time, we began to diverge and go a little bit in different directions. We were aware we had to work at staying close. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also knew that other people, who stepped into her life\u2014one woman in particular, Pam Cope, who is a mother who lost a son\u2014and Nan and she instantly bonded. That was a very valuable relationship. It gave somebody for Nan to vent to, and I didn\u2019t always have to be the one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt never became\u2014I think that\u2019s one thing we did right, Babe\u2014is that we didn\u2019t judge each other as being wrong in how we expressed our grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We did acknowledge that I didn\u2019t always know how to connect with her and where she was. She didn\u2019t always understand where I was. We found other ways, and I think that was God\u2019s grace that people came into our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the things that helped you regain equilibrium is that, at some point, you said, \u201cWe want to honor our son\u2019s legacy, and we want the memory of his life to be about something bigger than just he was a 12-year-old boy, who got an infection and died from it.\u201d That became something very beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Very early on, after Connor passed away, I needed to find his voice and that I could talk about him. I could talk about Braden still; I could talk about Brennan all day long, and there was this void. It was <em>so<\/em> important to me to find his voice. I didn\u2019t know it would come out in a legacy. I didn\u2019t know that it would be honoring him in quiet things that we did for other people or other children, but that was finding his voice for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, very early on, I\u2014memorial money was coming in, and other things were happening. I was truly trying desperately to find that [his voice] for my son. It had to embody everything that he loved and what he loved to do, so it could bless other people\u2014especially, children because he loved children; and he was so childlike in his faith. It just was important that we bless other people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was told, early on, too\u2014well, 18 months in: \u201cMaybe, if you step outside of yourself and serve,\u201d\u2014that was another mom, who had lost a son, saying, \u201cIf you could just twist it around and turn it around on its end, you can see that that might be healing and helpful for you.\u201d It truly has been. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Through a series of God-connections, which is a great story\u2014we just don\u2019t have time to go into it today\u2014Pam and Randy Cope, who lost their son Jantsen many years ago, started an organization called Touch a Life Foundation\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014first, ministering to orphans in Cambodia and then moving into Ghana, where they help rescue trafficked children\u2014vulnerable and exploited children\u2014and then raise them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey just stepped into our lives and loved on us as grieving parents; but eventually, we found an opportunity to go with them. Nan\u2019s first trip to Ghana with Pam was momentous. She was able to meet these children and share in a story\u2014a narrative of grief \/ connect with them. We began to dream: \u201cWhat can we do to serve these kids \/ to come alongside the Touch a Life Foundation?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat led to a vision for a therapeutic art center that would be a place for them to learn, and create, and have fun and cut loose; but also, for some therapeutic art healing\/therapy to take place. We found ourselves meeting people, who used to be on <em>Extreme Makeover: Home Edition<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014the ABC Television show that built houses for worthy families. They joined and went to Africa\u2014twice\u2014on their own dime and helped us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> \u2014design our art center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014design this art center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next thing, you know\u2014we built this thing. It turns out the kids there love Legos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> of all things; and our son, Connor, was a Lego nut. There was this moment, where the designers kind of looked at Nan; and she looked at them. The lights went off, and it was like: \u201cThat\u2019s it!\u201d We built a giant Lego-looking building in West Africa, where these kids get time, day in and day out. We get to go, year after year; and we\u2019ve led teams on a regular basis to help pour into who these kids are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the beauty in this\u2014I\u2019ve just got to say. We went and saw a movie called <em>Taken<\/em> about a girl that was taken for the purposes of child trafficking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEighteen months after that, my wife went to Africa and literally helped take back a child\u2014help rescue a child at the age of ten. A year after that, we were building a therapeutic art center so we could help take back the hearts and minds of the kids who had been taken into child trafficking. It is the most painfully beautiful thing in our world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI figured out once\u2014I\u2019ve got a theory\u2014you have to find a legacy that matches the depth of your pain. Getting on an airplane, going halfway across the world, and doing something <em>amazing<\/em> on behalf of children, who don\u2019t have moms and dads or homes, to me, is absolutely as great as the depth of my pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> It has been sustaining for us. It\u2019s what we continue to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was a therapeutic art center because of something about who Connor was? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He was an artist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> He was an artist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He was a singer. People can go on YouTube and search \u201cConnor Deal.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey will find a song that he did, live, during a Christmas production at our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got a link to it on our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, if folks want to listen to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> He loved to draw, and create, and play Legos. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> He was everything artistic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> He was choreographing; he was storyboarding scenes\u2014he wanted to be the next George Lucas. He was truly a right-brain child. I don\u2019t think there was any left [brain] to him. [Laughter] He lived in this world of fantasy and fiction\u2014he was so creative and <em>so<\/em> artistic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So, when we see these kids over there, learning how to become artists, it\u2019s him. I can\u2019t say enough about how people came alongside us. We haven\u2019t mentioned my sister, who, the first year after Connor died, flew halfway across the country\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> \u2014every month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and spent time in our home. When she\u2014when Aunt Cheryle would show up, our other two boys would say, \u201cOh, we get to eat!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, we forgot to feed our kids, guys; I mean, we were in such grief and just paralyzed. We didn\u2019t <em>function<\/em> for two years as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, if there is a call I have on my heart to the church \/ to people listening right now: \u201cIf you know somebody who has gone through a <em>significant<\/em> loss in their life, please bring it up. Please ask them how they are doing. Please say the name of the person they\u2019ve lost. This is a marathon, not a sprint; and they need you at mile five, and at mile ten, and at mile twenty\u2014not just at mile one. You have to walk alongside people.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe church, honestly, has to find ways of coming alongside people so that we don\u2019t just throw platitudes, and a good funeral, and feed them for six weeks, and then abandon them to figure it out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> I have <em>sat<\/em> with <em>so<\/em> many grieving parents. It\u2019s the same story\u2014with either in their community or their faith community\u2014that they\u2019ve just been lost or left. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know it\u2019s a hard loss to face. I know that it\u2019s difficult when it is a child, but it is a common tale for all of us\u2014it\u2019s isolating. I think the church, and the Christian community, and the Western world could do a better job with grief. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s a group that created a ministry specifically for grieving parents, While We\u2019re Waiting\u2014as in \u201c\u2026while we\u2019re waiting to see our kids again.\u201d While We\u2019re Waiting does retreats for moms, dads, and couples, who have lost a child <em>for free<\/em>\u2014every one of them is free. They\u2019ve begun expanding across the country. We <em>love<\/em> what they are doing; we love who the people are. Tell your church about it. If somebody loses a child, let your church come behind them and pay their way to that sort of thing. It is a <em>very<\/em> important ministry, and it is <em>so<\/em> rare. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore While We\u2019re Waiting started, we weren\u2019t aware of any national organization that was doing anything, specifically, in the Christian community, for grieving parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are lots of grief programs, but it\u2019s not the same when you\u2019ve lost a child. To have something that is targeted in that direction is very commendable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There is something you said earlier that I just want to go back to and put a double underline under, because I think this could be one of the most important steps in providing that equilibrium and also the legacy that you\u2019ve left on behalf of Connor. You made a statement\u2014you said, \u201cLeave a legacy that matches the depths of your pain.\u201d I think that is a <em>great<\/em> challenge\u2014I really do. I think that is a life-giving challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo that person, who has lost a loved one\u2014a son\/a daughter\/a husband\/a wife\u2014take a step back and go, \u201cWhat\u2019s the level of my pain?\u201d Then, begin to ask God, \u201cWould You show me how I can honor the life that I experienced with this person by matching that depth with a glorious declaration of God\u2019s grace \/ of doing something positive for other people?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014not take your eyes off yourself so you stop grieving \/ keep doing that\u2014but get your eyes focused on the horizon, to think, \u201cWho can we help?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>love<\/em> it that you are helping kids in Africa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Dennis, I have a video on my phone of my wife picking up a ten-year-old child\u2014carrying him out of a village in West Africa, across a lake on a boat to safety\u2014where that child is now growing up, today, cared for, getting educated, and learning about the Lord. I have a video of that. \u201cAre you kidding me? In this day and age, that happens?!\u201d\u2014I have a video of that. Every time I think about how Connor was taken, I think about her taking back\u2014[Emotion in voice]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014that child. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em>. It reminds me that, even though we sometimes feel alone in our grief, like: \u201cGod, where are You?\u201d\u2014I want people to know that God is always working behind the scenes. He\u2019s always orchestrating on our behalf, and He is weeping with us over the things that we weep about\u2014that should not be. He didn\u2019t create death. He didn\u2019t create things like this to happen. It just does, and He is sad with us. He has <em>not<\/em> forgotten us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> The beauty of Touch a Life \/ the thing I <em>love<\/em> about it so much is that it is based on\u2014you know, the whole care facility is Jantsen\u2014but then every single building, at that care center, is in honor of someone\u2019s child. That is the Cope\u2019s going there, and reaching out to us, and then reaching out to other families. It is truly the beauty out of the ashes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s Zachary\u2019s House; there\u2019s Seth; there\u2019s another Connor; there\u2019s Taylor; there\u2019s Chase\u2019s House. They are all of these losses that we all now are coming together to say: \u201cOkay; here\u2019s something we want to give back,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s beautiful for these children.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I read this morning in Psalm 124: \u201cIf it had not been for the Lord who had been on our side,\u201d\u2014and it repeats it\u2014\u201cLet all of Israel say, \u2018If it had not been for the Lord being on our side,\u2019\u201d\u2014the point was they would have perished, but God does get on our side. He is near the brokenhearted. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI appreciate you guys allowing us entry into your grief process but also in the glorious declaration of a legacy of Connor. Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nan:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We mentioned a couple of links we have on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. If folks want to know more about the retreats that are available for parents going through grief\u2014the While We\u2019re Waiting retreats\u2014we\u2019ve got a link about those at FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have information about Touch a Life, including a link to the video of Connor\u2019s song. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind all of that when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, along with information about the book we\u2019ve been mentioning this week, <em>A Grace Disguised<\/em>, by Jerry Sittser\u2014a book that helps all of us walk through loss or grief when we\u2019re experiencing that as a family. Again, all of these resources are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d like to order the book by phone, you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, with the weekend in front of us, I hope you and your family are planning to worship together in your local church this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope that you are also regular financial supporters of your local church. You know, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we are listener-supported. We often remind you of the fact that we couldn\u2019t do what we do without your financial support; but we want to make sure you understand, from our perspective, your local church should be the place where your giving begins. That should be your top priority when it comes to financial support. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help us beyond what you are giving to your local church, the funds you provide for us enable us to extend the reach of this ministry so that more people can, more regularly, receive practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family. If you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to express our thanks by sending you a copy of Dennis Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Choosing a Life That Matters<\/em>. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you go online today at FamilyLifeToday.com to donate or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can also mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we hope you have a great weekend this weekend. We\u2019ll see you back Monday when we\u2019re going to talk to Hanna Seymour about what young women ought to be doing to prepare for life on campus as they head off to college this fall. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300305","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300305"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300305"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300305"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300305"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}