{"id":300289,"date":"2018-07-05T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-05T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:28","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:28","slug":"guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth\/","title":{"rendered":"Guiding Your Teens in the Truth"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tom Gilson reminds moms and dads to have critical conversations with their kids about spiritual and cultural issues so they will know how to respond when questioned about their faith and values.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-05.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:53","filesize":"23.7M","filesize_raw":"24854589","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848,2896,2815,2855],"tags":[4441,4440,4129,4442,4439],"podcast_series":[7228],"cwp_profile":[3460],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300289","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","category-lgbt","category-sexual-wholeness","category-teens","tag-gay-marriage","tag-gender-issues","tag-homosexuality","tag-standing-firm-in-the-faith","tag-talking-to-your-kids","podcast_series-critical-conversations","cwp_profile-tom-gilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300289\/guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300289\/guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"jhyU7KKZcR\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth\/\">Guiding Your Teens in the Truth<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/guiding-your-teens-in-the-truth\/embed\/#?secret=jhyU7KKZcR\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Guiding Your Teens in the Truth&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"jhyU7KKZcR\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-05.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-05.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a parent, if you\u2019re going to engage with your children, who are growing up in a pro-homosexuality culture, how do you have winsome conversations with them around this issue? Here\u2019s counsel from Tom Gilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Start with safe questions, like, \u201cWhat do your friends think about same-sex marriage?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a very safe question. \u201cWhat do your friends think about the fact that you go to a church that doesn\u2019t believe in this?\u2014that doesn\u2019t agree with that? What do <em>you<\/em> think about going to a church that doesn\u2019t agree with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they give the safe Sunday school answer, you say: \u201cYou know, good; I\u2019m glad you answered that way, but I kind of wonder if you\u2019re holding back. I want you to know that you can give me the whole answer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. Conversations with our children about current issues, like the LGBT issue\u2014these are important and delicate conversations for us to be having. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll get some coaching on that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. It has occurred to me that, if you are parents, raising children in today\u2019s world, you need to be raising children who will likely, at some point, be outcasts among their social circle. If they\u2019re going to grow up in this culture and if they\u2019re going to hold to biblical values, they\u2019re going to face ridicule and scorn for what they believe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>At a minimum, they need to know how to suffer persecution for the name of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who\u2014I am really, really glad that you have written this book, Tom; because I have a bunch of grandkids. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cNow, how do I get this in the hands of my grandkids\u2019 parents; so they can best equip my grandsons\/granddaughters to know how to handle the questions\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cnot <em>if<\/em> they\u2019re going to come, but as they come?\u201d Tom Gilson joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, the author of <em>Critical Conversations<\/em>. Listen to this subtitle: <em>A Christian Parents\u2019 Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens<\/em>. Welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad to be here; thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re a courageous man to write a book like this. Why\u2019d you write it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I wrote it because I am concerned about teens. I have been blogging for a very long time and interacting with folks on all kinds of topics\u2014atheism is one of them\u2014but homosexuality always produced an <em>enormous<\/em> amount of controversy \/ an enormous amount of challenge\u2014of: \u201cIf you believe in the biblical position on morality and marriage, then you\u2019re a bigot,\u201d \u201c\u2026you\u2019re a hater,\u201d \u201c\u2026you\u2019re a homophobic person,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re all these bad things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat that is saying is\u2014that if you\u2019re going to be a Christian, then you\u2019re going to be a \u201cbad person.\u201d What teen is going to want to grow up and be a \u201cbad person\u201d and join this club of \u201cbad people\u201d?\u2014which the message is that that\u2019s what Christianity is about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of years ago, right after the Obergefell decision\u2014the [same-sex] marriage decision of the Supreme Court had come out. This mom had a 14-year-old daughter; and the daughter came and said, \u201cMom, I want to put the rainbow flag on my Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> profile.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The mom said, \u201cOkay; why do you want to do that?\u201d The daughter very candidly, at 14, said: \u201cBecause everybody in school is doing it,\u201d and \u201cIf I don\u2019t, it will be noticed; and people are going to ask me why, and I\u2019ll be shut out.\u201d This is the real world that our kids are growing up in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes; they\u2019re getting it from everywhere, and it\u2019s an incessant onslaught. I would even call it an insurgency against spiritual reality\u2014against God \/ against truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And yet the family unity, a mom and a dad\u2014and Barbara and I just finished a book, where we were dealing with some of these issues you\u2019re talking about\u2014moms and dads are the ones who need to have these conversations with their children\u2014as they grow up; and as they enter the teen years and go through the teen years; on into college, or to service, or to jobs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say in the book that 12 percent of young people in Christian youth groups have conversations around life issues with their parents\u2014only 5 percent talk to their dads about them. This has to be a source of urgent need within the church, to give our parents the courage, as well as the equipment, to know how to tackle these issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; and of course, it\u2019s very frightening for parents to bring up spiritual issues of any kind, because it\u2019s not normal: \u201cWe don\u2019t do that around here. We\u2019re walking on eggshells. Our kids are going to roll their eyes at us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2019Oh, that again, Mom?\u2014that again, Dad?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we need is to have the equipping that says: \u201cWe can have these conversations\u2014we can do it with authority; we can do it with credibility. We can do it in very natural conversation, too, so it\u2019s not just, \u2018We\u2019re having that conversation,\u2019 but we\u2019re just talking about things that are important to <em>all<\/em> of us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Most parents are not venturing off to have these conversations, because they don\u2019t know how to answer the questions themselves. That\u2019s what you\u2019ve attempted to do in your book, <em>Critical Conversations<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. There are a <em>ton<\/em> of questions that come at us from every direction, and they are\u2014like I already mentioned: \u201cYou\u2019re a hater,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re homophobic,\u201d \u201cWhat about marriage equality? Are you against equality?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe parents do feel unequipped, and I don\u2019t blame them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, before we dive into the apologetics side of this\u2014because that\u2019s really where the heart of all of this is\u2014but before we get to the apologetics side, I want to go back to what you\u2019re setting your child up for, which is to be a countercultural spokesperson \/ to be, maybe, an outcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Forget whether you can make a rational defense for your position\u2014even if you can, where that\u2019s going to leave you is marginalized by your classmates \/ by some teachers. It\u2019s going to put you in a position that no teenager wants to be in; so how do we, as parents, help our children embrace being an outcast?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I have actually sat down with my two children, separately, and said: \u201cIf I wasn\u2019t sure that this was true, and if I wasn\u2019t sure that this was life, I would actually regret having brought you up in the faith; because I have landed you in a heap of trouble, because you have accepted what Mom and I have taught you,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s not going to be easy for you. I don\u2019t know what it\u2019s going to be like, but it looks like it is getting worse than it is now. But I am sure that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life; and I do not regret\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids have affirmed me in that. They\u2019re ready to face it, because\u2014and this gets to your question: \u201cWhere did they get that from?\u201d\u2014a lot of prayer; the grace of God; a good church; and at home, we set an example that we believed, no matter what. We taught why we believed, and we <em>demonstrated<\/em> that we believed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is a delicate dance between truth and love. How did you teach your kids how to love another person, who doesn\u2019t agree with you, while still standing for the truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know, in the sense that I don\u2019t know that we sat down and taught them, but we did demonstrate\u2014we have an extended family member, who\u2019s a gay man. They know that we don\u2019t agree with his choices and his morality; but they know that we greet him with a hug, and we treat him as a family member\u2014someone to love. I think there was a demonstration of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask you about that; because I have a friend, who has a similar situation, raising his kids\u2014there\u2019s an extended family member, who\u2019s gay. The kids, as they\u2019re growing up, don\u2019t have a category for that. Would you start with a six-year-old\/a seven-year-old, where you\u2019re teaching about human reproduction? Is that the time to have the conversation about homosexuality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>No; by the way, one of the things I regret about this book is that I called it the <em>Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens<\/em>. I keep hearing that kids younger than teens are facing this a lot. However, when they\u2019re teens, you know that they\u2019ve been exposed to just about everything that you wish they weren\u2019t exposed to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt younger ages, you don\u2019t know that yet; but I think we need to explore the possibility with neutral questions \/ safe questions, like: \u201cWhat are they teaching you in school about what it means to be a man and a woman?\u201d \u201cWhat are they teaching you in school about marriage?\u201d \u201cWhat do your friends say about this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf nothing appears in their answers that seems to indicate that they\u2019ve been exposed to questions, don\u2019t raise it. When that does start to show up in their answers, I think you need to walk through the door, as far as is appropriate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Parents are always in the process of helping their kids do the science projects [and] prepare for tests at the end of the semester. Many parents aren\u2019t preparing their children for these kinds of tests. You said your children \/ your two, as they went to junior high and high school, began to face the onslaught of these questions. How did you, practically speaking, prepare them for these tests?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>The main thing we did was\u2014we prepared them to follow Christ\u2014that\u2019s the core; that\u2019s the real heart. They saw an example of godly marriage in their parents too. It really starts with knowing the truth\u2014it starts with knowing the relational and the\u2014what we call the propositional side of the truth\u2014the facts of the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt starts there. And then, yes, along the way, when questions came up about sexuality, we just had conversations about it. I couldn\u2019t point to a single one, because it was kind of a natural part of our daily conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I hear you saying is\u2014the model of a mom and dad and a husband and wife, in a healthy marriage relationship, is a powerful apologetic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>It is! The homosexual activist will dispute this; but there is <em>strong<\/em> evidence that, where that model is lacking, you\u2019re a lot more likely to have children growing up, questioning their sexuality or questioning their gender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe model is strong, and it\u2019s powerful\u2014it teaches a lesson. It\u2019s not just a lesson in what\u2019s true; it\u2019s a lesson in what\u2019s <em>good<\/em>. A lot of kids aren\u2019t learning that marriage is good, because they\u2019re not seeing it modeled as good. Where kids see it modeled as a good thing, they want to grow up and do it the same way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tom, I\u2019m having the sense that you were not intimidated by or embarrassed about questions around sexuality as you were raising your children. A lot of parents\u2014when the kids say: \u201cWhere do babies come from?\u201d or \u201cHow do you make babies?\u201d\u2014a lot of parents will get flustered by that question. Were you and your wife ready for those questions when they came, and did you just step into those areas comfortably and easily?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>As I recall, we did; it\u2019s been awhile. The whole process of developing this book came along when my kids were well into their teenage years. To remember how I did it when they were very young is\u2014I could make up an answer, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it wasn\u2019t as prevalent back then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right; I would say that what we did was\u2014we taught them the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This conversation is around what kids believe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s an issue of <em>truth<\/em>. You\u2019re trying to help them have a conviction. There\u2019s also the side of teenagers that is increasing today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014where teenagers are questioning their own sexual identity. They\u2019re being encouraged by their peers to self-identify as something else other than a male or a female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>For a lot of parents, this is a foreign language. They don\u2019t even know how to get into this and how to start. Are there any clues that a parent needs to be on the lookout for that a teenager might be expressing, who\u2019s going through a serious questioning of their own sexuality and gender identity?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I would start with just good conversations and the ability to give the child the ability to answer honestly. Start with safe questions, like: \u201cWhat do your friends think about same-sex marriage?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a very safe question. \u201cWhat do your friends think about the fact that you go to a church that doesn\u2019t believe in this and doesn\u2019t agree with that? What do <em>you<\/em> think about going to a church that doesn\u2019t agree with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they give the safe Sunday school answer, say, \u201cYou know, good; I\u2019m glad you answered that way, but I kind of wonder if you\u2019re holding back. I want you to know that you can give me the whole answer.\u201d Build that relationship. Kids can hide things; but you want a relationship, where they just won\u2019t think that they have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; a lot of kids are going to give the answer that they think Mom or Dad want to hear\u2014get the conversation over with and not create any conflict\u2014so they\u2019ll get the answer right on the test. But the question: \u201cDo they really believe this at the core of their being?\u201d\u2014especially if it means \u2018I\u2019m going to be socially ostracized,\u2019 \/ especially if \u2018When I get to college, I\u2019m going to be marginalized by this.\u2019\u201d How can a parent tell whether I\u2019m getting the textbook answer or whether I\u2019m getting a real convictional answer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Take time with your kids\u2014ask the safe questions and work up from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about some of the riskier questions\u2014they\u2019re on Page 66 and 67 in your book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, Tom: \u201cThese questions are worth the price of your book.\u201d Now, I mean that; because, if you\u2019re a safe parent, just knowing the right question to begin to drill down into your child\u2019s conscience, and heart, and soul is extremely helpful if you\u2019ll just be quiet and listen to what they say and what they don\u2019t say. Go through them real quick here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Okay; these are questions, by the way, that you can ask on the way to soccer practice\u2014this does not have to be <em>a session<\/em>\u2014so: \u201cDo you have any gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender friends?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s it like for you when they talk about their relationships or their feelings?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; let me stop you on that, because I know you have a whole list of questions. [Laughter] When the child says, \u201cWell, yes; Ronnie says he\u2019s gay, and I have this other friend who says they think maybe they\u2019re bisexual.\u201d How do you respond when your child says, \u201cYes; I do\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Respond; don\u2019t react\u2014say, \u201cWell, tell me about your friendship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would encourage good friendships. You can\u2019t avoid relationships unless you hide in a closet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn these days, 76-plus percent of teens say that they have a homosexual friend, or classmate, or whatever. As Christians, we need to have good friendships. Now, I\u2019m very careful how they spend their time\/free time in anything that might look like it\u2019s influencing them in the wrong direction or if it goes so far as looking like a \u201cdate.\u201d But just to have a friendship, I think is fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2122 video series, Tim and Darcy Kimmel talk about the difference between what they call \u201casset friends\u201d and \u201cliability friends.\u201d They said you should be friends with everybody, but you need to be careful the asset friends are the people who add value to your life; the liability are the friends, who may drain value from your life\u2014so yes; be friends\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014or may steer your life in the wrong direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. So yes; be friends with everybody, but just recognize: \u201cSome of my friends are helping me; some of my friends are steering me wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right; and \u201cbe friendly\u201d may be a better term for some people you don\u2019t want influencing your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI still want my kids to be friendly with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like that; and Tom, I just want to commend you and your book. I really liked that part of your book, where you were calling parents to say: \u201cYou know, they\u2019re human beings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cThey need a relationship.\u201d I\u2019m talking about the other kid, at this point\u2014they need a relationship with a young person, who does know what he or she believes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know I interrupted your first question, so we were getting to the questions. The first one is: \u201cDo you have any friends who are gay or lesbian friends?\u2014any trans friends?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a good question\u2014and, \u201cTell me about your relationship with them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s another question you\u2019d ask?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u201cWhat do you think about gay marriage being allowed now? Do your friends think of Christians as being anti-gay? What do you sense they\u2019re saying about <em>your<\/em> own views? Do they know what you think about it? Do you know what <em>you<\/em> think about the whole issue?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Stop right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is one I\u2019d really want to listen carefully to how the child answers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014what they say and what they don\u2019t say\u2014because all of the teenage years are parents equipping their kids\u2014for the children \/ these young men and women\u2014to grow up to know what <em>they<\/em> believe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re hitch-hiking off of their parents\u2019 conviction and faith, initially; but they have to make the transference to believing it themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>They do. The <em>great<\/em> preponderance \/ the great majority of messaging they\u2019re hearing is in favor of the activist version of marriage and morality. They\u2019re hearing that a lot more than they\u2019re hearing the truth. What we have to do is\u2014become a lot more intentional, both in church and at home, in teaching what\u2019s true; why it\u2019s true; and why it\u2019s <em>good<\/em> that it\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So when your 16-year-old says: \u201cWell, no; I\u2019m not sure what I believe. I mean, I know what the church teaches, but I also read some other stuff. I read some stuff online, where they say that some Christians are misinterpreting the Bible and that some of these passages\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cthere are only six passages in the New Testament that talk about this. Jesus never said anything about it,\u201d and \u201cWhy do we always go back to Leviticus?\u2014and you\u2019re not supposed to eat shellfish or mix fabrics either; so\u2026\u201d I mean, this is what they\u2019re hearing; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly what they\u2019re hearing; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So they start parroting this stuff back to you. As a parent, my natural reaction is, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to have to set aside two hours this Thursday night, and I\u2019m going to have to take you, line by line, and explain this to you,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s probably not a good strategy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>But we do have to take the time\u2014we have to take some intentional time. One thing that you could do is\u2014give them this book and ask them to read the first three or four chapters, which describes some of the history of the gay rights movement and the truth about marriage, both from what I call a common experience perspective, which doesn\u2019t rely on the Bible but helps set up some terms; and, of course, also from a biblical perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat gives a foundation for them to say, \u201cOkay; is this what I agree with?\u201d even. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know the questions from a biblical perspective, and you can talk about them. Then you move on to saying: \u201cOkay; do I think this is true? Why do I think this is true? Are there good reasons to think this is true?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have time for a couple more. What are two of the best questions left on this list?\u2014because there are a lot of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u201cHave you ever wished that Christians could just drop this whole issue completely?\u201d \u201cWhat would you say most of your friends think about gay rights and other LGBT concerns?\u201d It\u2019s about coming at the issue from a direction, where they can say, \u201cThis is what I think,\u201d without actually having to do it in a scary manner at first. It\u2019s not so much the questions as it is the <em>listening<\/em> afterwards.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and not condemning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014and not condemning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Just listen; don\u2019t freak out. If your child has doubts about what they believe, much better that they express it to <em>you<\/em>, and you have the chance to interact with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Who else are they going to have the conversation with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly!\u2014with someone who\u2019s going to lead them to the truth? Do you think their peers will?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Not likely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Not likely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This has been helpful for me, over the last couple of months, as I\u2019ve just been reflecting on this. We used to live in a day\u2014I grew up in a day\u2014when truth was really located in what makes logical sense \/ what makes rational sense: \u201cWhat can you prove, scientifically or mathematically?\u2014that\u2019s where you find truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the ground has shifted. Today, what constitutes truth is not what can be proven, but what is most deeply <em>felt<\/em>\u2014so it\u2019s not facts; it\u2019s emotions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014it\u2019s neither facts nor emotions that are the foundation for truth\u2014it is revelation that is the foundation for truth. It\u2019s not: \u201cWhat can I prove?\u201d or \u201cHow do I feel?\u201d\u2014 it is, \u201cWhat has God said?\u201d That\u2019s where we, ultimately, have to get to, with our kids and with ourselves, to be able to say: \u201cHow I feel\u2014that\u2019s not insignificant. What science says\u2014that\u2019s not insignificant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBut what God says trumps all of that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you how far the ground has shifted. <em>The Wall Street Journal<\/em> recently had an article on how, in debating in college, they are no longer requiring sourcing for the facts they present\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014for your claims; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014for your claims and the argument. So, where does that leave you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where does that lead you? Where does that lead a debate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Up in the air.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It leaves it: \u201cWho feels this the strongest?\u201d and \u201cWho can express their feelings in the clearest way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, this is a good illustration of how parents need to anticipate what\u2019s taking place in the culture and help their kids realize that feelings are not\u2014they are not illegitimate, but they\u2019re not a good basis to base one\u2019s life on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it is why having these kinds of conversations \/ getting a book like this and having dialogue is good, validating the fact that feelings and emotions are real \/ that how you think about things matters; but that, ultimately, what we\u2019re looking for is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat has God said is true?\u201d and then \u201cHow do we align our lives in that direction?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d encourage our listeners to get a copy of the book, <em>Critical Conversations: A Christian Parents\u2019 Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>Critical Conversations<\/em>. Order by phone at 1-800-FL-TODAY or online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say a word of thanks today to the select group of regular listeners, who have gone beyond listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and have said: \u201cThese kinds of conversations are important for our family, but they\u2019re also important for our community,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re important for people in this country and around the world to have access to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s those of you who make this ministry possible by partnering with us and donating to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Your donations go to helping cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, along with all the other outreaches of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to, again, say that while we value your support and need your support for this ministry to continue, we don\u2019t want you in any way to take away from your support to your local church in order to support this ministry. Your first priority, when it comes to support, should be your local church. Beyond that, as you\u2019re able to invest in ministries like this, we are so grateful for those of you who partner with us, either occasionally or regularly, as Legacy Partners. Thanks for your support and your partnership with this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make an online donation easily: go to FamilyLifeToday.com to do that; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. And, as always, you can mail your donation if you\u2019d like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the arguments our kids are hearing in support of same-sex marriage and the LGBTQ lifestyle. We\u2019re going to talk about the argument that people are just born that way and other arguments as well. I hope you can tune in for that dialogue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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Gilson reminds moms and dads to have critical conversations with their kids about spiritual and cultural issues so they will know how to respond when questioned about their faith and values.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-07-05.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a parent, if you\u2019re going to engage with your children, who are growing up in a pro-homosexuality culture, how do you have winsome conversations with them around this issue? Here\u2019s counsel from Tom Gilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Start with safe questions, like, \u201cWhat do your friends think about same-sex marriage?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a very safe question. \u201cWhat do your friends think about the fact that you go to a church that doesn\u2019t believe in this?\u2014that doesn\u2019t agree with that? What do <em>you<\/em> think about going to a church that doesn\u2019t agree with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they give the safe Sunday school answer, you say: \u201cYou know, good; I\u2019m glad you answered that way, but I kind of wonder if you\u2019re holding back. I want you to know that you can give me the whole answer.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 5<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey; I'm Bob Lepine. Conversations with our children about current issues, like the LGBT issue\u2014these are important and delicate conversations for us to be having. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll get some coaching on that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. It has occurred to me that, if you are parents, raising children in today\u2019s world, you need to be raising children who will likely, at some point, be outcasts among their social circle. If they\u2019re going to grow up in this culture and if they\u2019re going to hold to biblical values, they\u2019re going to face ridicule and scorn for what they believe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>At a minimum, they need to know how to suffer persecution for the name of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have a guest, here, on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who\u2014I am really, really glad that you have written this book, Tom; because I have a bunch of grandkids. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cNow, how do I get this in the hands of my grandkids\u2019 parents; so they can best equip my grandsons\/granddaughters to know how to handle the questions\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cnot <em>if<\/em> they\u2019re going to come, but as they come?\u201d Tom Gilson joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, the author of <em>Critical Conversations<\/em>. Listen to this subtitle: <em>A Christian Parents\u2019 Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens<\/em>. Welcome to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I\u2019m glad to be here; thanks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You\u2019re a courageous man to write a book like this. Why\u2019d you write it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I wrote it because I am concerned about teens. I have been blogging for a very long time and interacting with folks on all kinds of topics\u2014atheism is one of them\u2014but homosexuality always produced an <em>enormous<\/em> amount of controversy \/ an enormous amount of challenge\u2014of: \u201cIf you believe in the biblical position on morality and marriage, then you\u2019re a bigot,\u201d \u201c\u2026you\u2019re a hater,\u201d \u201c\u2026you\u2019re a homophobic person,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re all these bad things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat that is saying is\u2014that if you\u2019re going to be a Christian, then you\u2019re going to be a \u201cbad person.\u201d What teen is going to want to grow up and be a \u201cbad person\u201d and join this club of \u201cbad people\u201d?\u2014which the message is that that\u2019s what Christianity is about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of years ago, right after the Obergefell decision\u2014the [same-sex] marriage decision of the Supreme Court had come out. This mom had a 14-year-old daughter; and the daughter came and said, \u201cMom, I want to put the rainbow flag on my Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> profile.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The mom said, \u201cOkay; why do you want to do that?\u201d The daughter very candidly, at 14, said: \u201cBecause everybody in school is doing it,\u201d and \u201cIf I don\u2019t, it will be noticed; and people are going to ask me why, and I\u2019ll be shut out.\u201d This is the real world that our kids are growing up in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes; they\u2019re getting it from everywhere, and it\u2019s an incessant onslaught. I would even call it an insurgency against spiritual reality\u2014against God \/ against truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And yet the family unity, a mom and a dad\u2014and Barbara and I just finished a book, where we were dealing with some of these issues you\u2019re talking about\u2014moms and dads are the ones who need to have these conversations with their children\u2014as they grow up; and as they enter the teen years and go through the teen years; on into college, or to service, or to jobs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say in the book that 12 percent of young people in Christian youth groups have conversations around life issues with their parents\u2014only 5 percent talk to their dads about them. This has to be a source of urgent need within the church, to give our parents the courage, as well as the equipment, to know how to tackle these issues.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; and of course, it\u2019s very frightening for parents to bring up spiritual issues of any kind, because it\u2019s not normal: \u201cWe don\u2019t do that around here. We\u2019re walking on eggshells. Our kids are going to roll their eyes at us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201c\u2019Oh, that again, Mom?\u2014that again, Dad?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we need is to have the equipping that says: \u201cWe can have these conversations\u2014we can do it with authority; we can do it with credibility. We can do it in very natural conversation, too, so it\u2019s not just, \u2018We\u2019re having that conversation,\u2019 but we\u2019re just talking about things that are important to <em>all<\/em> of us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Most parents are not venturing off to have these conversations, because they don\u2019t know how to answer the questions themselves. That\u2019s what you\u2019ve attempted to do in your book, <em>Critical Conversations<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. There are a <em>ton<\/em> of questions that come at us from every direction, and they are\u2014like I already mentioned: \u201cYou\u2019re a hater,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re homophobic,\u201d \u201cWhat about marriage equality? Are you against equality?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe parents do feel unequipped, and I don\u2019t blame them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, before we dive into the apologetics side of this\u2014because that\u2019s really where the heart of all of this is\u2014but before we get to the apologetics side, I want to go back to what you\u2019re setting your child up for, which is to be a countercultural spokesperson \/ to be, maybe, an outcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Forget whether you can make a rational defense for your position\u2014even if you can, where that\u2019s going to leave you is marginalized by your classmates \/ by some teachers. It\u2019s going to put you in a position that no teenager wants to be in; so how do we, as parents, help our children embrace being an outcast?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I have actually sat down with my two children, separately, and said: \u201cIf I wasn\u2019t sure that this was true, and if I wasn\u2019t sure that this was life, I would actually regret having brought you up in the faith; because I have landed you in a heap of trouble, because you have accepted what Mom and I have taught you,\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s not going to be easy for you. I don\u2019t know what it\u2019s going to be like, but it looks like it is getting worse than it is now. But I am sure that Jesus Christ is the way, the truth, and the life; and I do not regret\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy kids have affirmed me in that. They\u2019re ready to face it, because\u2014and this gets to your question: \u201cWhere did they get that from?\u201d\u2014a lot of prayer; the grace of God; a good church; and at home, we set an example that we believed, no matter what. We taught why we believed, and we <em>demonstrated<\/em> that we believed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is a delicate dance between truth and love. How did you teach your kids how to love another person, who doesn\u2019t agree with you, while still standing for the truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know, in the sense that I don\u2019t know that we sat down and taught them, but we did demonstrate\u2014we have an extended family member, who\u2019s a gay man. They know that we don\u2019t agree with his choices and his morality; but they know that we greet him with a hug, and we treat him as a family member\u2014someone to love. I think there was a demonstration of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask you about that; because I have a friend, who has a similar situation, raising his kids\u2014there\u2019s an extended family member, who\u2019s gay. The kids, as they\u2019re growing up, don\u2019t have a category for that. Would you start with a six-year-old\/a seven-year-old, where you\u2019re teaching about human reproduction? Is that the time to have the conversation about homosexuality?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>No; by the way, one of the things I regret about this book is that I called it the <em>Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens<\/em>. I keep hearing that kids younger than teens are facing this a lot. However, when they\u2019re teens, you know that they\u2019ve been exposed to just about everything that you wish they weren\u2019t exposed to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt younger ages, you don\u2019t know that yet; but I think we need to explore the possibility with neutral questions \/ safe questions, like: \u201cWhat are they teaching you in school about what it means to be a man and a woman?\u201d \u201cWhat are they teaching you in school about marriage?\u201d \u201cWhat do your friends say about this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf nothing appears in their answers that seems to indicate that they\u2019ve been exposed to questions, don\u2019t raise it. When that does start to show up in their answers, I think you need to walk through the door, as far as is appropriate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Parents are always in the process of helping their kids do the science projects [and] prepare for tests at the end of the semester. Many parents aren\u2019t preparing their children for these kinds of tests. You said your children \/ your two, as they went to junior high and high school, began to face the onslaught of these questions. How did you, practically speaking, prepare them for these tests?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>The main thing we did was\u2014we prepared them to follow Christ\u2014that\u2019s the core; that\u2019s the real heart. They saw an example of godly marriage in their parents too. It really starts with knowing the truth\u2014it starts with knowing the relational and the\u2014what we call the propositional side of the truth\u2014the facts of the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt starts there. And then, yes, along the way, when questions came up about sexuality, we just had conversations about it. I couldn\u2019t point to a single one, because it was kind of a natural part of our daily conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What I hear you saying is\u2014the model of a mom and dad and a husband and wife, in a healthy marriage relationship, is a powerful apologetic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>It is! The homosexual activist will dispute this; but there is <em>strong<\/em> evidence that, where that model is lacking, you\u2019re a lot more likely to have children growing up, questioning their sexuality or questioning their gender. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe model is strong, and it\u2019s powerful\u2014it teaches a lesson. It\u2019s not just a lesson in what\u2019s true; it\u2019s a lesson in what\u2019s <em>good<\/em>. A lot of kids aren\u2019t learning that marriage is good, because they\u2019re not seeing it modeled as good. Where kids see it modeled as a good thing, they want to grow up and do it the same way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tom, I\u2019m having the sense that you were not intimidated by or embarrassed about questions around sexuality as you were raising your children. A lot of parents\u2014when the kids say: \u201cWhere do babies come from?\u201d or \u201cHow do you make babies?\u201d\u2014a lot of parents will get flustered by that question. Were you and your wife ready for those questions when they came, and did you just step into those areas comfortably and easily?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>As I recall, we did; it\u2019s been awhile. The whole process of developing this book came along when my kids were well into their teenage years. To remember how I did it when they were very young is\u2014I could make up an answer, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Well, it wasn\u2019t as prevalent back then.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right; I would say that what we did was\u2014we taught them the truth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This conversation is around what kids believe.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It\u2019s an issue of <em>truth<\/em>. You\u2019re trying to help them have a conviction. There\u2019s also the side of teenagers that is increasing today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014where teenagers are questioning their own sexual identity. They\u2019re being encouraged by their peers to self-identify as something else other than a male or a female.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>For a lot of parents, this is a foreign language. They don\u2019t even know how to get into this and how to start. Are there any clues that a parent needs to be on the lookout for that a teenager might be expressing, who\u2019s going through a serious questioning of their own sexuality and gender identity?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>I would start with just good conversations and the ability to give the child the ability to answer honestly. Start with safe questions, like: \u201cWhat do your friends think about same-sex marriage?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a very safe question. \u201cWhat do your friends think about the fact that you go to a church that doesn\u2019t believe in this and doesn\u2019t agree with that? What do <em>you<\/em> think about going to a church that doesn\u2019t agree with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they give the safe Sunday school answer, say, \u201cYou know, good; I\u2019m glad you answered that way, but I kind of wonder if you\u2019re holding back. I want you to know that you can give me the whole answer.\u201d Build that relationship. Kids can hide things; but you want a relationship, where they just won\u2019t think that they have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; a lot of kids are going to give the answer that they think Mom or Dad want to hear\u2014get the conversation over with and not create any conflict\u2014so they\u2019ll get the answer right on the test. But the question: \u201cDo they really believe this at the core of their being?\u201d\u2014especially if it means \u2018I\u2019m going to be socially ostracized,\u2019 \/ especially if \u2018When I get to college, I\u2019m going to be marginalized by this.\u2019\u201d How can a parent tell whether I\u2019m getting the textbook answer or whether I\u2019m getting a real convictional answer?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Take time with your kids\u2014ask the safe questions and work up from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about some of the riskier questions\u2014they\u2019re on Page 66 and 67 in your book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, Tom: \u201cThese questions are worth the price of your book.\u201d Now, I mean that; because, if you\u2019re a safe parent, just knowing the right question to begin to drill down into your child\u2019s conscience, and heart, and soul is extremely helpful if you\u2019ll just be quiet and listen to what they say and what they don\u2019t say. Go through them real quick here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Okay; these are questions, by the way, that you can ask on the way to soccer practice\u2014this does not have to be <em>a session<\/em>\u2014so: \u201cDo you have any gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender friends?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s it like for you when they talk about their relationships or their feelings?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; let me stop you on that, because I know you have a whole list of questions. [Laughter] When the child says, \u201cWell, yes; Ronnie says he\u2019s gay, and I have this other friend who says they think maybe they\u2019re bisexual.\u201d How do you respond when your child says, \u201cYes; I do\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Respond; don\u2019t react\u2014say, \u201cWell, tell me about your friendship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would encourage good friendships. You can\u2019t avoid relationships unless you hide in a closet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn these days, 76-plus percent of teens say that they have a homosexual friend, or classmate, or whatever. As Christians, we need to have good friendships. Now, I\u2019m very careful how they spend their time\/free time in anything that might look like it\u2019s influencing them in the wrong direction or if it goes so far as looking like a \u201cdate.\u201d But just to have a friendship, I think is fine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em>\u2122 video series, Tim and Darcy Kimmel talk about the difference between what they call \u201casset friends\u201d and \u201cliability friends.\u201d They said you should be friends with everybody, but you need to be careful the asset friends are the people who add value to your life; the liability are the friends, who may drain value from your life\u2014so yes; be friends\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014or may steer your life in the wrong direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. So yes; be friends with everybody, but just recognize: \u201cSome of my friends are helping me; some of my friends are steering me wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right; and \u201cbe friendly\u201d may be a better term for some people you don\u2019t want influencing your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI still want my kids to be friendly with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I like that; and Tom, I just want to commend you and your book. I really liked that part of your book, where you were calling parents to say: \u201cYou know, they\u2019re human beings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cThey need a relationship.\u201d I\u2019m talking about the other kid, at this point\u2014they need a relationship with a young person, who does know what he or she believes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And I know I interrupted your first question, so we were getting to the questions. The first one is: \u201cDo you have any friends who are gay or lesbian friends?\u2014any trans friends?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a good question\u2014and, \u201cTell me about your relationship with them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s another question you\u2019d ask?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u201cWhat do you think about gay marriage being allowed now? Do your friends think of Christians as being anti-gay? What do you sense they\u2019re saying about <em>your<\/em> own views? Do they know what you think about it? Do you know what <em>you<\/em> think about the whole issue?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Stop right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>This is one I\u2019d really want to listen carefully to how the child answers\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014what they say and what they don\u2019t say\u2014because all of the teenage years are parents equipping their kids\u2014for the children \/ these young men and women\u2014to grow up to know what <em>they<\/em> believe. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>They\u2019re hitch-hiking off of their parents\u2019 conviction and faith, initially; but they have to make the transference to believing it themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>They do. The <em>great<\/em> preponderance \/ the great majority of messaging they\u2019re hearing is in favor of the activist version of marriage and morality. They\u2019re hearing that a lot more than they\u2019re hearing the truth. What we have to do is\u2014become a lot more intentional, both in church and at home, in teaching what\u2019s true; why it\u2019s true; and why it\u2019s <em>good<\/em> that it\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So when your 16-year-old says: \u201cWell, no; I\u2019m not sure what I believe. I mean, I know what the church teaches, but I also read some other stuff. I read some stuff online, where they say that some Christians are misinterpreting the Bible and that some of these passages\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014\u201cthere are only six passages in the New Testament that talk about this. Jesus never said anything about it,\u201d and \u201cWhy do we always go back to Leviticus?\u2014and you\u2019re not supposed to eat shellfish or mix fabrics either; so\u2026\u201d I mean, this is what they\u2019re hearing; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly what they\u2019re hearing; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So they start parroting this stuff back to you. As a parent, my natural reaction is, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to have to set aside two hours this Thursday night, and I\u2019m going to have to take you, line by line, and explain this to you,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s probably not a good strategy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>But we do have to take the time\u2014we have to take some intentional time. One thing that you could do is\u2014give them this book and ask them to read the first three or four chapters, which describes some of the history of the gay rights movement and the truth about marriage, both from what I call a common experience perspective, which doesn\u2019t rely on the Bible but helps set up some terms; and, of course, also from a biblical perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat gives a foundation for them to say, \u201cOkay; is this what I agree with?\u201d even. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey know the questions from a biblical perspective, and you can talk about them. Then you move on to saying: \u201cOkay; do I think this is true? Why do I think this is true? Are there good reasons to think this is true?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>We have time for a couple more. What are two of the best questions left on this list?\u2014because there are a lot of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u201cHave you ever wished that Christians could just drop this whole issue completely?\u201d \u201cWhat would you say most of your friends think about gay rights and other LGBT concerns?\u201d It\u2019s about coming at the issue from a direction, where they can say, \u201cThis is what I think,\u201d without actually having to do it in a scary manner at first. It\u2019s not so much the questions as it is the <em>listening<\/em> afterwards.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014and not condemning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>\u2014and not condemning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Just listen; don\u2019t freak out. If your child has doubts about what they believe, much better that they express it to <em>you<\/em>, and you have the chance to interact with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Who else are they going to have the conversation with?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Exactly!\u2014with someone who\u2019s going to lead them to the truth? Do you think their peers will?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Not likely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Not likely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This has been helpful for me, over the last couple of months, as I\u2019ve just been reflecting on this. We used to live in a day\u2014I grew up in a day\u2014when truth was really located in what makes logical sense \/ what makes rational sense: \u201cWhat can you prove, scientifically or mathematically?\u2014that\u2019s where you find truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, the ground has shifted. Today, what constitutes truth is not what can be proven, but what is most deeply <em>felt<\/em>\u2014so it\u2019s not facts; it\u2019s emotions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014it\u2019s neither facts nor emotions that are the foundation for truth\u2014it is revelation that is the foundation for truth. It\u2019s not: \u201cWhat can I prove?\u201d or \u201cHow do I feel?\u201d\u2014 it is, \u201cWhat has God said?\u201d That\u2019s where we, ultimately, have to get to, with our kids and with ourselves, to be able to say: \u201cHow I feel\u2014that\u2019s not insignificant. What science says\u2014that\u2019s not insignificant. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cBut what God says trumps all of that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you how far the ground has shifted. <em>The Wall Street Journal<\/em> recently had an article on how, in debating in college, they are no longer requiring sourcing for the facts they present\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014for your claims; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014for your claims and the argument. So, where does that leave you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Where does that lead you? Where does that lead a debate?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tom: <\/strong>Up in the air.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It leaves it: \u201cWho feels this the strongest?\u201d and \u201cWho can express their feelings in the clearest way?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, this is a good illustration of how parents need to anticipate what\u2019s taking place in the culture and help their kids realize that feelings are not\u2014they are not illegitimate, but they\u2019re not a good basis to base one\u2019s life on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it is why having these kinds of conversations \/ getting a book like this and having dialogue is good, validating the fact that feelings and emotions are real \/ that how you think about things matters; but that, ultimately, what we\u2019re looking for is: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhat has God said is true?\u201d and then \u201cHow do we align our lives in that direction?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d encourage our listeners to get a copy of the book, <em>Critical Conversations: A Christian Parents\u2019 Guide to Discussing Homosexuality with Teens<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>Critical Conversations<\/em>. Order by phone at 1-800-FL-TODAY or online at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to say a word of thanks today to the select group of regular listeners, who have gone beyond listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and have said: \u201cThese kinds of conversations are important for our family, but they\u2019re also important for our community,\u201d and \u201cThey\u2019re important for people in this country and around the world to have access to.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s those of you who make this ministry possible by partnering with us and donating to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Your donations go to helping cover the cost of producing and syndicating this radio program, along with all the other outreaches of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to, again, say that while we value your support and need your support for this ministry to continue, we don\u2019t want you in any way to take away from your support to your local church in order to support this ministry. Your first priority, when it comes to support, should be your local church. Beyond that, as you\u2019re able to invest in ministries like this, we are so grateful for those of you who partner with us, either occasionally or regularly, as Legacy Partners. Thanks for your support and your partnership with this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make an online donation easily: go to FamilyLifeToday.com to do that; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. And, as always, you can mail your donation if you\u2019d like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur address is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; and our zip code is 72223.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the arguments our kids are hearing in support of same-sex marriage and the LGBTQ lifestyle. We\u2019re going to talk about the argument that people are just born that way and other arguments as well. I hope you can tune in for that dialogue.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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