{"id":300249,"date":"2018-06-04T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-06-04T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/facing-your-past\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:25","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:25","slug":"facing-your-past","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-your-past\/","title":{"rendered":"Facing Your Past"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Elizabeth Oates recalls her troubled childhood marked by abuse and loneliness and tells how that emptiness eventually led her to a deep and abiding relationship with Christ.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-06-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:43","filesize":"25.38M","filesize_raw":"26612808","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2830,2860,2873,2862],"tags":[4407,4409,4133,4408,4410],"podcast_series":[7219],"cwp_profile":[8834,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300249","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-children-of-divorce","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-understanding-differences","tag-children-from-abused-homes","tag-children-of-divorce","tag-coming-to-christ","tag-recovering-from-abuse","tag-restoring-relationships","podcast_series-mending-broken-branches","cwp_profile-elizabeth-oates","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300249\/facing-your-past","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300249\/facing-your-past","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"L3Qwb1VdRj\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-your-past\/\">Facing Your Past<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/facing-your-past\/embed\/#?secret=L3Qwb1VdRj\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Facing Your Past&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"L3Qwb1VdRj\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-06-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-06-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you are a child, growing up, you think whatever is happening in your home is normal because it\u2019s all you know. Elizabeth Oates remembers realizing later that the experiences she had as a child were not normal or healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> My brother and I were alone a lot, and I thought that that was normal. Looking back, that\u2019s not normal. It\u2019s not normal for an eight-year-old to be by themselves four nights a week. I think it was when my mom remarried, when I was in middle school and all of the violence occurred\u2014the police were coming to our home\u2014I knew that that was not normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, June 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What do you do, as a mom, yourself when you want to make sure that the family your kids are growing up in is very different than the family you grew up in? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There are a couple of powerful ideas I think we need to start off with today. One is that the family that you grew up in and the family that your kids are growing up in\u2014that\u2019s going to mark them in a profound way; it marked you in a profound way\u2014but it\u2019s not determinative. It may have a powerful impact on your life and your thinking, but it doesn\u2019t determine your destiny. We need to remember, as we raise our kids, this is marking them; but we need to also remember, for ourselves, that the family we grew up in doesn\u2019t determine what our future looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t have to define you. We say that many times on this broadcast, and we\u2019re going to talk about what\u2019s happening in the family tree today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA number of years ago, I gave a message to the staff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I talked about how the family tree was designed to provide shade, protection, beauty, [and] grandeur as it matures and stands strong in a field; but the family as we\u2019re viewing it today\u2014unfortunately, some families have experienced divorce; so you\u2019re dealing with something that is a less than perfect ideal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And we\u2019ve got a couple of guests here on the broadcast today. One, who has built his ministry around families that are less than ideal\u2014although they are not always formed by divorce\u2014Ron Deal joins us, who heads up FamilyLife\u2019s blended initiative. How many ways do you say that a blended family is formed? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There are 67 different types of stepfamilies\u2014just stepfamilies alone; for example, it depends on the couple: one could be divorced \/ one could have never been married; both could be widowed; both could be younger; they could be older \/ both divorced\u2014something like that. One could bring a child; both could bring children. What if they have an \u201cours\u201d child together?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014any of those combinations. Then, you add foster kids and adoptive children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and children out-of-wedlock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; obviously, there are too many variables for me to do the math; so we hired somebody. [Laughter] We came up with 67 different potential configurations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s why we\u2019ve hired you to address these issues that are created. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re also joined by Elizabeth Oates from Waco, Texas, which has become an iconic spot. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were talking about this earlier, Elizabeth. Now, you can hardly go anywhere without some Magnolia reference in the city; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> That is true. That\u2019s our claim to fame now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Elizabeth has written a book called <em>Mending Broken Branches<\/em>, so we\u2019re talking about the family tree here. She is the cofounder and Vice President of Project Restoration, a ministry to those who have experienced the broken branches of the family tree. She is the mom of five children\u2014three bio kids; two adopted children from foster care\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014hope we get a chance, over the next couple of days, to talk about that\u2014and is married to Brandon, who is an attorney in Waco since 2001. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you begin the book, you start with where you were, as a young lady growing up, in high school\u2014very, very alone. Describe your situation to our listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> I grew up mostly raised by a single mom. My parents divorced when I was about two years old; so I was mostly raised, just my brother and me, by my mom. When I was in middle school, she remarried; and that relationship was very tumultuous. There was a lot of abuse\u2014mentally, physically, [and] verbally. My brother and I just kind of stood back and watched all that happen; so it was a very, sort of, lonely time\u2014confusing\/scary\u2014and then, in my early high school years, they divorced. Then, as I watched my mom rebuild her life, that sort of left me on my own to rebuild mine; so that was a lonely time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will say, though\u2014that was the time when I found the Lord. When we were growing up, we hadn\u2019t really been active in the church. We were those\u2014I call them CEO\u2019s, Christmas and Easter Only Christians. My mom, though, upon this second divorce\u2014she took me to the Baptist church down the street and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to start going.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t too happy about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> I was not happy at all; no. I was a pretty independent kid, I think, because of the way I was raised\u2014you know, by a single mom who worked a lot. I think a lot kids from divorced families tend to be pretty independent and kind of grow up a little bit before their time. I was pretty independent\u2014had always been a pretty strong-willed child. Yes, I wasn\u2019t happy about this at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was also a straight-A student, so I was pretty used to having all the right answers. Then, you throw me into a Sunday school class, where I knew none of the right answers, and I didn\u2019t know where any of the books of the Bible were. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know any of the stories they were telling, so I felt very behind the curve. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You actually described yourself as an F-student. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes; yes, I was. I didn\u2019t feel <em>smart<\/em> for the first time in my life and felt very behind, and I didn\u2019t like that feeling at all. I just, honestly, too\u2014I felt like youth group was a little cheesy; but it was just a new environment for me, and I felt very out of place and very uncomfortable. I just didn\u2019t want any part of it; but I also think that\u2019s one of those things, where God was chasing after me. I think I was just scared and was just trying to run away a little bit; but I always tell my mom: \u201cThat\u2019s the best thing you ever did for me\u2014was you kept making me go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want all of our parents to hear that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you see the heel marks\u2014all the way out over the sidewalk, all the way to the car, and from the car all the way into the church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you may be doing the best thing you could possibly be doing for that young person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes; now, she did say, \u201cI won\u2019t make you go on Wednesday nights; I won\u2019t make you go on Sunday nights; but you\u2019re going to go on Sunday mornings.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver time, my attitude changed. I think I realized the depths of my loneliness; I realized, \u201cI am not going to make it through this without Jesus\u201d; and I realized what the gospel was all about. You know, I had been in and out of these churches; but I never understood the gospel. I had heard of Jesus, but I didn\u2019t know who Jesus was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGoing to church on a regular basis\u2014sitting, Sunday morning after Sunday morning, and listening to the preacher\u2014I finally understood who He was. I accepted Christ that year; I was baptized. That was the beginning of my faith journey and sort of took ownership of my faith and made it my own. Then, it wasn\u2019t a question of\u2014\u201cDo I have to go?\u201d\u2014but I actually wanted to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Elizabeth, a lot of kids, who are growing up in homes that are troubled\u2014like the one you grew up in\u2014they don\u2019t know it\u2019s troubled\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because it\u2019s the home they are growing up in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s just all they know. When did it dawn on you that the home you grew up in was a less-than-perfect situation? When did you go: \u201cThis is not how it was supposed to have been\u201d; do you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Probably when she remarried. Up until then, she was working a lot. She had, I say, a very active social life; so my brother and I were alone a lot, and I thought that was normal. Looking back, that\u2019s not normal. It\u2019s not normal for an eight-year-old to be by themselves four nights a week. It\u2019s not normal to put yourself to bed every night\u2014or four to five nights a week. It\u2019s not normal to fix yourself dinner four to five nights a week\u2014that kind of thing. You know, lots of other issues that came with all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always joke that my mom never knew my grades, or never looked at my homework, or helped me with homework. When\u2014now as a mom, I know how much I help my kids with their homework \/ how much I\u2019m signing papers and things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always think, \u201cLike who was signing my papers?\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLooking back, now, I\u2019m noticing, as a mom, things that were not normal; but I never realized that back then. I think it was when my mom remarried, when I was in middle school and all of the violence occurred\u2014the police were coming to our home\u2014I knew that was not normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You also had some news that came to you\u2014that I want our listeners to hear this story. You were nine years old, and you heard a term that defined how you were living. You were given a little bit of a descriptor. What was that term, and how did you process it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> The term, \u201cbroken home\u201d?\u2014yes, I heard it on the news. It was describing, I think, children of divorce or divorced families. It said something about broken homes, and the news reporter started talking about statistics. Again, I had grown up in a single-parent home for so long that that\u2019s all I knew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t ever have a dad living with me, and my dad had not really been a part of my life. It never occurred to me that I was broken. I think I had such a great self-confidence, as a kid, that\u2014and again, I was a straight-A student\u2014I never thought there was anything wrong with me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I heard this news reporter use that term, \u201cbroken home,\u201d I was a little bit taken aback and a little offended\u2014even at like nine years old. I remember standing there and pausing for a moment and, again, just being a little offended and thinking: \u201cWell, I\u2019ll show!\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not broken,\u201d and \u201cHow dare you say that about me or anybody else who comes from a divorced family?\u201d and then just quickly turning and walking back up the steps; but that always stuck with me that: \u201cHow dare anyone say somebody who comes from a divorced family is broken, or second-class, or less than? Children that come from divorced families are capable of anything that any other child wants to accomplish in life or wants to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as I\u2019ve gotten older, I\u2019ve learned the statistics. I\u2019ve learned that girls are more prone to promiscuity; and kids are more prone to try drugs, or drink, or have sex at an earlier age. We are not as likely to go to college\u2014you know, all of those statistics. I understand that <em>now<\/em>, as an adult\u2014I understand where that reporter was coming from\u2014but my idealistic, childlike self would still love to believe that we are capable of the same things that other kids are. The part of me that loves Jesus would like to believe the same thing\u2014that God can redeem us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So, now that you are older\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and you\u2019ve processed that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and obviously, you heard something very pejorative in that term, \u201cbroken family.\u201d How would you advise somebody, listening to us right now\u2014who is in ministry, or influences kids, or a teacher who works around children in various family situations\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014what language would you give them to use that\u2019s sensitive to the situation kids find themselves in but doesn\u2019t carry the judgement that, perhaps, \u201cbroken\u201d does? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Ron, I think you do a great job with your blended family ministry. Blended family is a much better term than stepfamily. You know, stepfamily carries that stigma. Single-parent home, I think, is a great term. There are certain terms that we can use that are more sensitive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think\u2014if you have a student in your classroom, or your youth group, or your neighborhood\u2014just wrapping your arms around them and just encouraging them. I remember having a friend\u2019s dad\u2014my senior year, we were doing a project or something\u2014and him making the comment of: \u201cYou are really intelligent!\u201d\u2014like almost surprised. I remember thinking: \u201cI wish he had told me that sooner,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cI might have tried harder in this class\u201d; you know? When we recognize those traits in kids, from single-parent homes, encourage them; because they might not be getting it at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron, let me ask you\u2014as you hear Elizabeth\u2019s story\u2014and as you think about kids, who are growing up in homes where one parent is gone\u2014where it\u2019s a single-parent, who is maybe trying as hard as they can; but there are deficits that are present in that situation\u2014and then, we hear the statistics\u2014I\u2019m thinking of the single-parents, who are going, \u201cThis is my reality, but I don\u2019t want those statistical outcomes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What are the things that a single-parent can do to help mitigate against those statistical outcomes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. Well, first of all, my little soapbox about \u201cbroken\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m so glad you brought this up, Elizabeth\u2014is that it somehow implies that intact families don\u2019t have any brokenness; right? We all <em>know<\/em> everybody\u2019s dysfunctional; right?\u2014you just have a certain family configuration\u2014some more [dysfunction] than others. But family structure <em>does<\/em> lend advantages: God\u2019s design\u2014one man\/one woman, for life, raise their kids, then you bury one another [after death]\u2014sort of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that does lend itself to some advantages to the family\u2014it builds some internal strengths for the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA family, with a single-parent or a blended family, has a few disadvantages\u2014things that they\u2019ve got to kind of work through. It doesn\u2019t mean that they are broken, or dysfunctional, or second-class. It just means: \u201cYes; there are some things working against you in some ways.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what we do is\u2014we just recognize that and\u2014to your question\u2014say: \u201cOkay; so I\u2019m a single-parent. What do I do? How do I bring some other people alongside me in this parenting journey?\u201d I\u2019m a firm believer\u2014we were never made to parent alone; it\u2019s too hard! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We need help; so a mentor\u2014grandma fills the gaps; other people from church. It occurred to me today: \u201cIt takes a village to raise a child; it takes a community to raise a parent\u201d; you know? [Laughter] Every parent needs somebody to come alongside of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014give hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014give hope, encourage, speak into who you are. Single-parents\u2014got to be proactive in finding somebody who can come alongside them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Elizabeth, your book is written in, really, three parts, helping to mend the branches of the tree that\u2019s broken. The first one is dealing with the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll toss you the same question Bob just tossed Ron: \u201cWhat does a listener need to do, who identifies a little with your story or, maybe, a lot with your story? Where do they need to begin?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Well, like you just said\u2014first, they need to go back and dig into their past. I think this is something that a lot of people don\u2019t want to do. Ron is the counselor, so he might be able to speak to this. A lot of people shy away from counseling, because it\u2019s really painful. It\u2019s hard to go back and revisit those difficult memories \/ those difficult situations. It\u2019s hard to deal with our pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you have a splinter, no one wants to dig that splinter out; but your wound is not going to heal until you get the splinter out. It\u2019s going to keep festering. It can get infected, and it\u2019s going to hurt worse; but if you just do that little bit of difficult, painful work\u2014that\u2019s temporary\u2014and get the splinter out, it will feel so much better; and you will heal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we can just encourage people: \u201cJust get that splinter out. Go to a counselor. Read the books. Do the hard work in prayer\u201d; but you have to start by digging into the past and work through those difficult times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, once you work through the past, then you can work on the present. I talk, in the book, about how the present is all about setting healthy boundaries. We talk about conflict resolution, and healthy communication, and connecting with the Holy Spirit\u2014all of these things\u2014but you can\u2019t do any of that until you have healed from the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Identifying what\u2019s going on in your past and connecting that to your present is really huge. I heard, just recently, that psychologically\/neurologically\u2014even down to the brain wiring of our body and mind\u2014the most destructive thing you can do to yourself is constantly avoid the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t that fascinating?\u2014that if you constantly live in a state of denial about something\u2014about yourself, about a problem in your marriage, about your past\u2014whatever that is\u2014it keeps that thing\u2014it\u2019s almost like going swimming with a beach ball. You\u2019re trying to keep the beach ball below the surface of the water\u2014you can\u2019t enjoy the pool \/ you can\u2019t swim around and have fun\u2014you\u2019re too busy managing this beach ball. How much effort does it take and energy does it take to keep a beach ball underwater?\u2014right? That thing constantly wants to come out; but if you are fighting it, in avoidance, then, it completely manages your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen she says: \u201cI\u2019ve got to let the beach ball up \/ I\u2019ve got to find the courage to sit and look at that and go: \u2018What is this? What is it?\u2019\u201d it hurts. Sometimes, that beach ball hits you in the face and splashes water over your friends, and it\u2019s not a pretty sight; but if I don\u2019t do that, then, I\u2019m not free to even begin to explore swimming around the pool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> I tell people: \u201cDysfunction\u2014it\u2019s a range. You can come from a family, where the dysfunction is very noticeable\u2014where it\u2019s abuse, addiction, depression \/ things that we can\u2019t hide\u2014or it can be something that is a little more undetectable\u2014things like, maybe, your parents were just a little controlling; maybe, they were a little critical; maybe, there was some sibling rivalry that was never resolved. You know, those are things that are pretty easy to hide on a Christmas card. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBased on how you\u2019ve dealt with it, your process of dealing with your dysfunction will look different from my process, or your friend\u2019s process, or your sibling\u2019s process. My process was\u2014and it\u2019s been a <em>long<\/em> journey, and I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve arrived. Just like sanctification\u2014you know?\u2014who knows when we have arrived? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Everyone\u2019s [process] is different. I think it\u2019s a combination of things. I think it\u2019s a lot of prayer; I think it is reading different books that will equip you; I think it is counseling; mentoring\u2014all those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Along the way for you, there have been moments of breakthrough,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014spiritually and emotionally, that have helped unlock some of these patterns of the past. You\u2019ve gotten clarity, insight, and some freedom to say, \u201cI can, now, live in a different way than how I thought I was supposed to live.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; I like the analogy she made to sanctification, because I think it\u2019s exactly right. As a matter of fact, I think it\u2019s the same process; right? I recognize something about myself and my past\u2014I go to work on that, and God uses that to show me something about who I am and how I relate to Him. I recognize, \u201cWow, there\u2019s more I need to trust God with.\u201d Sanctification and healing are happening simultaneously. By the way, that then opens up a new piece of my life: \u201cOh! Here is another thing I didn\u2019t see before; but now, I can see that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, this side of heaven, we\u2019re just going to spend our lives growing in the Lord and, at the same time, healing, and discovering and uncovering, and committing over to God and confessing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that is, in fact, sanctifying us\u2014making us more into the image of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The greater tragedy is someone, who has had the beach ball submerged their entire life, and they think that\u2019s normal. The wiring of their brain knows exactly how to keep the beach ball under the water\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and it is like, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t want to have to face down the issues that occurred in my life and have to deal with them; because that looks too scary \/ that looks too painful.\u201d That, to me, is a bigger tragedy than what has happened to you, originally. It\u2019s like it\u2019s time to recognize the triggers\u2014you talk about the triggers in your book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that show that there\u2019s something below the surface taking place that: \u201cYou know what? You need to address this. You need to let some other people <em>into<\/em> your life and give them a chance to speak truth to you and be a mirror of God\u2019s love to you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and you may look at your life and say, \u201cThe beach ball keeps popping up,\u201d or you may look at your life and say, \u201cI\u2019m managing this just fine, but I know I\u2019ve got pain from the past that has never been resolved.\u201d It is a courageous step to get a copy of the book, <em>Mending Broken Branches<\/em>, and get a highlighter and start going through it and just pay attention to the things that may be showing up in your current relationships that are patterns, and habits, and scars from your past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve got copies of Elizabeth\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The book is called <em>Mending Broken Branches: When God Reclaims Your Dysfunctional Family Tree<\/em>. You can order copies from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Find out more about the book, <em>Mending Broken Branches<\/em>, by Elizabeth Oates; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is to regularly provide you with insight, with hope, with biblical answers for the issues that you face in your marriage and your family. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families, who change the world one home at a time; and our goal is for every family to be a godly family. We appreciate those of you who partner with us to make all of this possible and especially those of you who are Legacy Partners, supporting this ministry. Thank you for your ongoing financial support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help with a donation during the month of June\u2014and by the way, this is a critical month for us, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014because, as we head into the summer, we often see donations begin to fall back a bit; and we have to put the brakes on some of the things we are working on, here, at FamilyLife as a result. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help us with a donation to get us into and through the summer, we\u2019d love to hear from you. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. You can also mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I\u2019ll give you our mailing address here in just a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation, this month, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. This is a book that she wrote to help her daughters and all young women, who are beginning marriages and families, understand God\u2019s design for them in this season of their life. The book is our gift to you when you make a donation, this month, in support of the ministry. Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to ask for your copy of the book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>, when you get in touch with us and make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. Elizabeth Oates will be here again, and we\u2019re going to talk about how the dysfunction she experienced during her growing-up years began to show up as she was a young wife and then a young mom. We\u2019ll hear about how these patterns from the past spilled into her adult relationships tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:43"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.38M"],"filesize_raw":["26612808"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300249.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300249.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Oates recalls her troubled childhood marked by abuse and loneliness and tells how that emptiness eventually led her to a deep and abiding relationship with Christ.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-06-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you are a child, growing up, you think whatever is happening in your home is normal because it\u2019s all you know. Elizabeth Oates remembers realizing later that the experiences she had as a child were not normal or healthy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> My brother and I were alone a lot, and I thought that that was normal. Looking back, that\u2019s not normal. It\u2019s not normal for an eight-year-old to be by themselves four nights a week. I think it was when my mom remarried, when I was in middle school and all of the violence occurred\u2014the police were coming to our home\u2014I knew that that was not normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, June 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. What do you do, as a mom, yourself when you want to make sure that the family your kids are growing up in is very different than the family you grew up in? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. There are a couple of powerful ideas I think we need to start off with today. One is that the family that you grew up in and the family that your kids are growing up in\u2014that\u2019s going to mark them in a profound way; it marked you in a profound way\u2014but it\u2019s not determinative. It may have a powerful impact on your life and your thinking, but it doesn\u2019t determine your destiny. We need to remember, as we raise our kids, this is marking them; but we need to also remember, for ourselves, that the family we grew up in doesn\u2019t determine what our future looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t have to define you. We say that many times on this broadcast, and we\u2019re going to talk about what\u2019s happening in the family tree today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA number of years ago, I gave a message to the staff\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014I talked about how the family tree was designed to provide shade, protection, beauty, [and] grandeur as it matures and stands strong in a field; but the family as we\u2019re viewing it today\u2014unfortunately, some families have experienced divorce; so you\u2019re dealing with something that is a less than perfect ideal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>And we\u2019ve got a couple of guests here on the broadcast today. One, who has built his ministry around families that are less than ideal\u2014although they are not always formed by divorce\u2014Ron Deal joins us, who heads up FamilyLife\u2019s blended initiative. How many ways do you say that a blended family is formed? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There are 67 different types of stepfamilies\u2014just stepfamilies alone; for example, it depends on the couple: one could be divorced \/ one could have never been married; both could be widowed; both could be younger; they could be older \/ both divorced\u2014something like that. One could bring a child; both could bring children. What if they have an \u201cours\u201d child together?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014any of those combinations. Then, you add foster kids and adoptive children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and children out-of-wedlock. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; obviously, there are too many variables for me to do the math; so we hired somebody. [Laughter] We came up with 67 different potential configurations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s why we\u2019ve hired you to address these issues that are created. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re also joined by Elizabeth Oates from Waco, Texas, which has become an iconic spot. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were talking about this earlier, Elizabeth. Now, you can hardly go anywhere without some Magnolia reference in the city; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> That is true. That\u2019s our claim to fame now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Elizabeth has written a book called <em>Mending Broken Branches<\/em>, so we\u2019re talking about the family tree here. She is the cofounder and Vice President of Project Restoration, a ministry to those who have experienced the broken branches of the family tree. She is the mom of five children\u2014three bio kids; two adopted children from foster care\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014hope we get a chance, over the next couple of days, to talk about that\u2014and is married to Brandon, who is an attorney in Waco since 2001. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you begin the book, you start with where you were, as a young lady growing up, in high school\u2014very, very alone. Describe your situation to our listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> I grew up mostly raised by a single mom. My parents divorced when I was about two years old; so I was mostly raised, just my brother and me, by my mom. When I was in middle school, she remarried; and that relationship was very tumultuous. There was a lot of abuse\u2014mentally, physically, [and] verbally. My brother and I just kind of stood back and watched all that happen; so it was a very, sort of, lonely time\u2014confusing\/scary\u2014and then, in my early high school years, they divorced. Then, as I watched my mom rebuild her life, that sort of left me on my own to rebuild mine; so that was a lonely time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI will say, though\u2014that was the time when I found the Lord. When we were growing up, we hadn\u2019t really been active in the church. We were those\u2014I call them CEO\u2019s, Christmas and Easter Only Christians. My mom, though, upon this second divorce\u2014she took me to the Baptist church down the street and said, \u201cWe\u2019re going to start going.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t too happy about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> I was not happy at all; no. I was a pretty independent kid, I think, because of the way I was raised\u2014you know, by a single mom who worked a lot. I think a lot kids from divorced families tend to be pretty independent and kind of grow up a little bit before their time. I was pretty independent\u2014had always been a pretty strong-willed child. Yes, I wasn\u2019t happy about this at all. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was also a straight-A student, so I was pretty used to having all the right answers. Then, you throw me into a Sunday school class, where I knew none of the right answers, and I didn\u2019t know where any of the books of the Bible were. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know any of the stories they were telling, so I felt very behind the curve. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You actually described yourself as an F-student. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes; yes, I was. I didn\u2019t feel <em>smart<\/em> for the first time in my life and felt very behind, and I didn\u2019t like that feeling at all. I just, honestly, too\u2014I felt like youth group was a little cheesy; but it was just a new environment for me, and I felt very out of place and very uncomfortable. I just didn\u2019t want any part of it; but I also think that\u2019s one of those things, where God was chasing after me. I think I was just scared and was just trying to run away a little bit; but I always tell my mom: \u201cThat\u2019s the best thing you ever did for me\u2014was you kept making me go.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I want all of our parents to hear that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dennis:<\/strong> When you see the heel marks\u2014all the way out over the sidewalk, all the way to the car, and from the car all the way into the church\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you may be doing the best thing you could possibly be doing for that young person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes; now, she did say, \u201cI won\u2019t make you go on Wednesday nights; I won\u2019t make you go on Sunday nights; but you\u2019re going to go on Sunday mornings.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver time, my attitude changed. I think I realized the depths of my loneliness; I realized, \u201cI am not going to make it through this without Jesus\u201d; and I realized what the gospel was all about. You know, I had been in and out of these churches; but I never understood the gospel. I had heard of Jesus, but I didn\u2019t know who Jesus was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGoing to church on a regular basis\u2014sitting, Sunday morning after Sunday morning, and listening to the preacher\u2014I finally understood who He was. I accepted Christ that year; I was baptized. That was the beginning of my faith journey and sort of took ownership of my faith and made it my own. Then, it wasn\u2019t a question of\u2014\u201cDo I have to go?\u201d\u2014but I actually wanted to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Elizabeth, a lot of kids, who are growing up in homes that are troubled\u2014like the one you grew up in\u2014they don\u2019t know it\u2019s troubled\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because it\u2019s the home they are growing up in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s just all they know. When did it dawn on you that the home you grew up in was a less-than-perfect situation? When did you go: \u201cThis is not how it was supposed to have been\u201d; do you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Probably when she remarried. Up until then, she was working a lot. She had, I say, a very active social life; so my brother and I were alone a lot, and I thought that was normal. Looking back, that\u2019s not normal. It\u2019s not normal for an eight-year-old to be by themselves four nights a week. It\u2019s not normal to put yourself to bed every night\u2014or four to five nights a week. It\u2019s not normal to fix yourself dinner four to five nights a week\u2014that kind of thing. You know, lots of other issues that came with all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always joke that my mom never knew my grades, or never looked at my homework, or helped me with homework. When\u2014now as a mom, I know how much I help my kids with their homework \/ how much I\u2019m signing papers and things like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always think, \u201cLike who was signing my papers?\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLooking back, now, I\u2019m noticing, as a mom, things that were not normal; but I never realized that back then. I think it was when my mom remarried, when I was in middle school and all of the violence occurred\u2014the police were coming to our home\u2014I knew that was not normal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> You also had some news that came to you\u2014that I want our listeners to hear this story. You were nine years old, and you heard a term that defined how you were living. You were given a little bit of a descriptor. What was that term, and how did you process it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> The term, \u201cbroken home\u201d?\u2014yes, I heard it on the news. It was describing, I think, children of divorce or divorced families. It said something about broken homes, and the news reporter started talking about statistics. Again, I had grown up in a single-parent home for so long that that\u2019s all I knew. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t ever have a dad living with me, and my dad had not really been a part of my life. It never occurred to me that I was broken. I think I had such a great self-confidence, as a kid, that\u2014and again, I was a straight-A student\u2014I never thought there was anything wrong with me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I heard this news reporter use that term, \u201cbroken home,\u201d I was a little bit taken aback and a little offended\u2014even at like nine years old. I remember standing there and pausing for a moment and, again, just being a little offended and thinking: \u201cWell, I\u2019ll show!\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not broken,\u201d and \u201cHow dare you say that about me or anybody else who comes from a divorced family?\u201d and then just quickly turning and walking back up the steps; but that always stuck with me that: \u201cHow dare anyone say somebody who comes from a divorced family is broken, or second-class, or less than? Children that come from divorced families are capable of anything that any other child wants to accomplish in life or wants to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, as I\u2019ve gotten older, I\u2019ve learned the statistics. I\u2019ve learned that girls are more prone to promiscuity; and kids are more prone to try drugs, or drink, or have sex at an earlier age. We are not as likely to go to college\u2014you know, all of those statistics. I understand that <em>now<\/em>, as an adult\u2014I understand where that reporter was coming from\u2014but my idealistic, childlike self would still love to believe that we are capable of the same things that other kids are. The part of me that loves Jesus would like to believe the same thing\u2014that God can redeem us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So, now that you are older\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and you\u2019ve processed that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014and obviously, you heard something very pejorative in that term, \u201cbroken family.\u201d How would you advise somebody, listening to us right now\u2014who is in ministry, or influences kids, or a teacher who works around children in various family situations\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014what language would you give them to use that\u2019s sensitive to the situation kids find themselves in but doesn\u2019t carry the judgement that, perhaps, \u201cbroken\u201d does? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Ron, I think you do a great job with your blended family ministry. Blended family is a much better term than stepfamily. You know, stepfamily carries that stigma. Single-parent home, I think, is a great term. There are certain terms that we can use that are more sensitive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think\u2014if you have a student in your classroom, or your youth group, or your neighborhood\u2014just wrapping your arms around them and just encouraging them. I remember having a friend\u2019s dad\u2014my senior year, we were doing a project or something\u2014and him making the comment of: \u201cYou are really intelligent!\u201d\u2014like almost surprised. I remember thinking: \u201cI wish he had told me that sooner,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cI might have tried harder in this class\u201d; you know? When we recognize those traits in kids, from single-parent homes, encourage them; because they might not be getting it at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron, let me ask you\u2014as you hear Elizabeth\u2019s story\u2014and as you think about kids, who are growing up in homes where one parent is gone\u2014where it\u2019s a single-parent, who is maybe trying as hard as they can; but there are deficits that are present in that situation\u2014and then, we hear the statistics\u2014I\u2019m thinking of the single-parents, who are going, \u201cThis is my reality, but I don\u2019t want those statistical outcomes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What are the things that a single-parent can do to help mitigate against those statistical outcomes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes. Well, first of all, my little soapbox about \u201cbroken\u201d\u2014and I\u2019m so glad you brought this up, Elizabeth\u2014is that it somehow implies that intact families don\u2019t have any brokenness; right? We all <em>know<\/em> everybody\u2019s dysfunctional; right?\u2014you just have a certain family configuration\u2014some more [dysfunction] than others. But family structure <em>does<\/em> lend advantages: God\u2019s design\u2014one man\/one woman, for life, raise their kids, then you bury one another [after death]\u2014sort of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that does lend itself to some advantages to the family\u2014it builds some internal strengths for the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA family, with a single-parent or a blended family, has a few disadvantages\u2014things that they\u2019ve got to kind of work through. It doesn\u2019t mean that they are broken, or dysfunctional, or second-class. It just means: \u201cYes; there are some things working against you in some ways.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what we do is\u2014we just recognize that and\u2014to your question\u2014say: \u201cOkay; so I\u2019m a single-parent. What do I do? How do I bring some other people alongside me in this parenting journey?\u201d I\u2019m a firm believer\u2014we were never made to parent alone; it\u2019s too hard! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We need help; so a mentor\u2014grandma fills the gaps; other people from church. It occurred to me today: \u201cIt takes a village to raise a child; it takes a community to raise a parent\u201d; you know? [Laughter] Every parent needs somebody to come alongside of them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014give hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014give hope, encourage, speak into who you are. Single-parents\u2014got to be proactive in finding somebody who can come alongside them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Elizabeth, your book is written in, really, three parts, helping to mend the branches of the tree that\u2019s broken. The first one is dealing with the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll toss you the same question Bob just tossed Ron: \u201cWhat does a listener need to do, who identifies a little with your story or, maybe, a lot with your story? Where do they need to begin?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Well, like you just said\u2014first, they need to go back and dig into their past. I think this is something that a lot of people don\u2019t want to do. Ron is the counselor, so he might be able to speak to this. A lot of people shy away from counseling, because it\u2019s really painful. It\u2019s hard to go back and revisit those difficult memories \/ those difficult situations. It\u2019s hard to deal with our pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, if you have a splinter, no one wants to dig that splinter out; but your wound is not going to heal until you get the splinter out. It\u2019s going to keep festering. It can get infected, and it\u2019s going to hurt worse; but if you just do that little bit of difficult, painful work\u2014that\u2019s temporary\u2014and get the splinter out, it will feel so much better; and you will heal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we can just encourage people: \u201cJust get that splinter out. Go to a counselor. Read the books. Do the hard work in prayer\u201d; but you have to start by digging into the past and work through those difficult times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, once you work through the past, then you can work on the present. I talk, in the book, about how the present is all about setting healthy boundaries. We talk about conflict resolution, and healthy communication, and connecting with the Holy Spirit\u2014all of these things\u2014but you can\u2019t do any of that until you have healed from the past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Identifying what\u2019s going on in your past and connecting that to your present is really huge. I heard, just recently, that psychologically\/neurologically\u2014even down to the brain wiring of our body and mind\u2014the most destructive thing you can do to yourself is constantly avoid the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t that fascinating?\u2014that if you constantly live in a state of denial about something\u2014about yourself, about a problem in your marriage, about your past\u2014whatever that is\u2014it keeps that thing\u2014it\u2019s almost like going swimming with a beach ball. You\u2019re trying to keep the beach ball below the surface of the water\u2014you can\u2019t enjoy the pool \/ you can\u2019t swim around and have fun\u2014you\u2019re too busy managing this beach ball. How much effort does it take and energy does it take to keep a beach ball underwater?\u2014right? That thing constantly wants to come out; but if you are fighting it, in avoidance, then, it completely manages your life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen she says: \u201cI\u2019ve got to let the beach ball up \/ I\u2019ve got to find the courage to sit and look at that and go: \u2018What is this? What is it?\u2019\u201d it hurts. Sometimes, that beach ball hits you in the face and splashes water over your friends, and it\u2019s not a pretty sight; but if I don\u2019t do that, then, I\u2019m not free to even begin to explore swimming around the pool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> I tell people: \u201cDysfunction\u2014it\u2019s a range. You can come from a family, where the dysfunction is very noticeable\u2014where it\u2019s abuse, addiction, depression \/ things that we can\u2019t hide\u2014or it can be something that is a little more undetectable\u2014things like, maybe, your parents were just a little controlling; maybe, they were a little critical; maybe, there was some sibling rivalry that was never resolved. You know, those are things that are pretty easy to hide on a Christmas card. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBased on how you\u2019ve dealt with it, your process of dealing with your dysfunction will look different from my process, or your friend\u2019s process, or your sibling\u2019s process. My process was\u2014and it\u2019s been a <em>long<\/em> journey, and I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve arrived. Just like sanctification\u2014you know?\u2014who knows when we have arrived? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Everyone\u2019s [process] is different. I think it\u2019s a combination of things. I think it\u2019s a lot of prayer; I think it is reading different books that will equip you; I think it is counseling; mentoring\u2014all those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Along the way for you, there have been moments of breakthrough,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014spiritually and emotionally, that have helped unlock some of these patterns of the past. You\u2019ve gotten clarity, insight, and some freedom to say, \u201cI can, now, live in a different way than how I thought I was supposed to live.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; I like the analogy she made to sanctification, because I think it\u2019s exactly right. As a matter of fact, I think it\u2019s the same process; right? I recognize something about myself and my past\u2014I go to work on that, and God uses that to show me something about who I am and how I relate to Him. I recognize, \u201cWow, there\u2019s more I need to trust God with.\u201d Sanctification and healing are happening simultaneously. By the way, that then opens up a new piece of my life: \u201cOh! Here is another thing I didn\u2019t see before; but now, I can see that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, this side of heaven, we\u2019re just going to spend our lives growing in the Lord and, at the same time, healing, and discovering and uncovering, and committing over to God and confessing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that is, in fact, sanctifying us\u2014making us more into the image of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The greater tragedy is someone, who has had the beach ball submerged their entire life, and they think that\u2019s normal. The wiring of their brain knows exactly how to keep the beach ball under the water\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and it is like, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t want to have to face down the issues that occurred in my life and have to deal with them; because that looks too scary \/ that looks too painful.\u201d That, to me, is a bigger tragedy than what has happened to you, originally. It\u2019s like it\u2019s time to recognize the triggers\u2014you talk about the triggers in your book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Elizabeth:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014that show that there\u2019s something below the surface taking place that: \u201cYou know what? You need to address this. You need to let some other people <em>into<\/em> your life and give them a chance to speak truth to you and be a mirror of God\u2019s love to you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and you may look at your life and say, \u201cThe beach ball keeps popping up,\u201d or you may look at your life and say, \u201cI\u2019m managing this just fine, but I know I\u2019ve got pain from the past that has never been resolved.\u201d It is a courageous step to get a copy of the book, <em>Mending Broken Branches<\/em>, and get a highlighter and start going through it and just pay attention to the things that may be showing up in your current relationships that are patterns, and habits, and scars from your past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We\u2019ve got copies of Elizabeth\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The book is called <em>Mending Broken Branches: When God Reclaims Your Dysfunctional Family Tree<\/em>. You can order copies from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Find out more about the book, <em>Mending Broken Branches<\/em>, by Elizabeth Oates; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, is to regularly provide you with insight, with hope, with biblical answers for the issues that you face in your marriage and your family. We want to effectively develop godly marriages and families, who change the world one home at a time; and our goal is for every family to be a godly family. We appreciate those of you who partner with us to make all of this possible and especially those of you who are Legacy Partners, supporting this ministry. Thank you for your ongoing financial support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help with a donation during the month of June\u2014and by the way, this is a critical month for us, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014because, as we head into the summer, we often see donations begin to fall back a bit; and we have to put the brakes on some of the things we are working on, here, at FamilyLife as a result. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to help us with a donation to get us into and through the summer, we\u2019d love to hear from you. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. You can also mail your donation to us at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I\u2019ll give you our mailing address here in just a minute. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you make a donation, this month, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>. This is a book that she wrote to help her daughters and all young women, who are beginning marriages and families, understand God\u2019s design for them in this season of their life. The book is our gift to you when you make a donation, this month, in support of the ministry. Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY; or you can mail your donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> at PO Box 7111, Little Rock, AR; our zip code is 72223. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to ask for your copy of the book, <em>Letters to My Daughters<\/em>, when you get in touch with us and make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. Elizabeth Oates will be here again, and we\u2019re going to talk about how the dysfunction she experienced during her growing-up years began to show up as she was a young wife and then a young mom. We\u2019ll hear about how these patterns from the past spilled into her adult relationships tomorrow. Hope you can be with us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300249","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300249"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300249"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300249"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300249"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300249"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300249"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300249"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}