{"id":300247,"date":"2018-05-18T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-05-18T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stepfamily-kids\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:25","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:25","slug":"stepfamily-kids","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stepfamily-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"Stepfamily Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Lauren Reitsema, Ron Deal, Shannon Simmons | What does it feel like to hear your parents are getting a divorce? How does it feel when one of those parents remarries? Shannon Simmons and Lauren Reitsema share the stories of their blended family experiences.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How does it feel when one of your divorced parents remarries? Shannon Simmons and Lauren Reitsema share the stories of their blended family experiences.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-18.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:57","filesize":"30.16M","filesize_raw":"31629841","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,2812,2894],"tags":[4392,4033],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3584,3300,3579],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300247","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-realities-of-divorce","category-stepfamily-living","tag-blended-family-stories","tag-divorce","cwp_profile-lauren-reitsema","cwp_profile-ron-deal","cwp_profile-shannon-simmons","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300247\/stepfamily-kids","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300247\/stepfamily-kids","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"wmqfMT5SLz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stepfamily-kids\/\">Stepfamily Kids<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/stepfamily-kids\/embed\/#?secret=wmqfMT5SLz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stepfamily Kids&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"wmqfMT5SLz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Lauren Reitsema remembers being a teenager and getting stunning news from her parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk512942263\">Eighth grade\/ninth grade, my dad picked me up from sports practice in high school and said that he\u2019s moving out of the house. I said: \u201cNo; you\u2019re not! That\u2019s a joke; right? It\u2019s not April; this isn\u2019t really happening.\u201d It turned out to be a real threat. About two or three years into counseling, and trying to figure out how to make it work, my parents filed for divorce when I was a junior in high school and I was getting ready to leave for college. I felt like I got hit by a Mack<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Truck; because they actually had sat us down, as kids, and said, \u201cYou need to know that this is a family that will never get divorced.\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, May 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What happens to a teenage girl who gets hit by the Mack Truck of her parents\u2019 divorce? How does that impact her as she moves into adulthood? We\u2019ll hear more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things that we have the privilege of doing, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is helping husbands and wives \/ moms and dads navigate their way through very challenging family situations. In recent years, we\u2019ve been speaking to couples who are in blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve been talking to folks who are ministering to those in blended families in an event we do every year called the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. I was part of the Summit, back last October. This is significant ministry that\u2019s happening as we gather together with these leaders from across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; this isn\u2019t theory. There\u2019s a lot of reality taking place today in blended families. What we\u2019re about to hear today are a couple of ladies\u2014one who was grown, at the point her parents separated and got a divorce, and a blended family was established at that point; and the other, who actually grew up in a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is, Bob\u2014when that happens, children do have to process what they see. I think we can use this\u2014even the imperfect\u2014it\u2019s not the ideal. It\u2019s not why God established marriage in the first place, but it does happen. We need to know how we can help people process what they\u2019re experiencing in a godly fashion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Our goal is to help people, from wherever they are right now, move forward in the best godly redemptive way they can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; not get paralyzed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. And Lauren Reitsema, together with Shannon Simmons, were at the Summit. I had the opportunity to talk to these ladies about their experience\u2014not so much focused on the divorce of their parents\u2014but to talk about what it was like, as a young person, to see mom and dad fall in love with somebody else and start a new relationship and a new marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Lauren is here from the Front Range. Shannon is here from Little Rock, Arkansas. In fact, Shannon\u2014well, tell everybody what you do. You work with Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> I\u2019m his project coordinator\/administrative assistant at FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I\u2019ve been with that team for about two years now\u2014two-and-a-half years\u2014but at FamilyLife for about five years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you and your husband are also speakers at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae <\/sup>marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Lauren is here, as I said, from the Front Range in Colorado. Tell everybody what your full-time job is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> I am the communications director at a non-profit in Denver called The Center for Relationship Education. We teach relationship skills, from fourth grade through divorce recovery, in public schools across the country; because our heart is to prevent relationships from ever hitting a crisis point and teach kids\u2014from healthy friendship development all the way through marriage\u2014how to do relationships well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are in an intact marriage and family yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> I am. My husband and I just celebrated our ten-year anniversary. We have a seven-year-old daughter, Leah, and a four-year-old son, Jace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And Shannon, your marriage background\u2014it\u2019s an intact family with blended characteristics.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> Yes; we are a first marriage blended family; or as Ron would say, a multiple partner fertility family. I like saying that\u2014it makes me sound smart. [Laughter] But that just means that there was a pregnancy that wasn\u2019t a wedded pregnancy before we married. He had two, and we have three together. We\u2019ve been married 17 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Got it. And both of you have, as a part of your experience, having grown up in a home where mom and dad broke up. Lauren, what was your family of origin story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> My family of origin\u2014I have an older brother, younger brother, younger sister. We grew up in a mountain town called Evergreen, Colorado, and listened to the elk bugling in the meadow. It was a wonderful life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy parents were both involved in CBS leadership and Bible study. We started a church out of our basement. I knew the leadership. We would request worship songs as kids. I never remember not knowing who God was. My dad\u2019s a doctor; my mom\u2019s a business owner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe moved to Denver. In that season, I was entering middle school\u2014about eighth grade\/ninth grade\u2014my dad picked me up from sports practice in high school and said that he\u2019s moving out of the house. I said: \u201cNo; you\u2019re not! That\u2019s a joke; right? It\u2019s not April; this isn\u2019t really happening.\u201d It turned out to be a real threat. About two or three years into counseling, and trying to figure out how to make it work, my parents filed for divorce when I was a junior in high school and I was getting ready to leave for college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had, as a junior high student, no idea that there was tension \/ there were issues in the marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> No; my parents literally took us on a ski trip, which we did very often. We had a family pow wow or family meeting, and it was in that time that they announced my dad was moving out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt like I got hit by a Mack Truck, because they weren\u2019t volatile. They square danced together at different events. They had friendships and family members. They actually had sat us down, as kids, and said, \u201cYou need to know that this is a family that will never get divorced.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWas yours a different dynamic? Did you know there was tension?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> Actually, I am the product of teen pregnancy. My parents were teen parents, and they did not marry. I grew up being the illegitimate kid in a single mom home\u2014saw a dad who chose to marry someone else \/ have a family with that woman\u2014thinking, you know, he didn\u2019t want me. Then seeing him divorce that woman and had adultery; then remarry another woman and have a child with that woman. Then he passed away. The divorce of his marriage and his death\u2014that\u2019s a lot to deal with, but that\u2019s my family of origin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a relationship with your dad while you were growing up, even though he and your mom had never been married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> I had a distant relationship. Dad was around, and his grandmother helped raise me and all of that; but he wasn\u2019t a provider. He didn\u2019t help my mom with support. My mom did marry, eventually, and then she got a divorce. But we were kind of distant\u2014I love my dad \/ I respected him\u2014but in my teen years, I had a different perspective of him because of things I would hear. I began to call my dad \u201csperm donor\u201d behind his back, of course, not in his face. But that was the type of relationship I had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. It\u2019s interesting that we don\u2019t think our circumstance is abnormal when we\u2019re growing up because it\u2019s what we know. It\u2019s not until later that we start to look around and go, \u201cOh, not everybody\u2019s family dynamics are like mine.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember when it started to dawn on you that your family dynamics were unusual or that it wasn\u2019t the norm?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> When I went to college, at a predominantly white university, and began to get involved in the Baptist Student Union, where I was one of the very few minorities, I started hearing how people grew up; and that didn\u2019t match.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In that moment of going, \u201cThis doesn\u2019t match,\u201d was there hurt, or bitterness, or anger that came out of that?\u2014or did you just kind of compartmentalize all of that; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> There wasn\u2019t anger; it was just a little sadness. You know, one of my friends\u2014she talked with her dad and that sort of thing. I didn\u2019t have that type of relationship. It wasn\u2019t until I had a mentor tell me that I needed to reconcile with my father, as a college student. One summer, while on missions, I sent my dad a letter, just apologizing to him that I wasn\u2019t a good daughter and \u201cI want to have a good relationship with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe began to reach out and began to talk on the phone, and he would come and visit me. Then, that following January, my father passed away in a car accident. I\u2019m so grateful that I stopped calling him \u201csperm donor\u201d before he died and that I had a healthy perspective of him before he passed away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. Lauren, from being a junior high student and getting hit by a Mack Truck with the news, there were, you said, three years of counseling and attempts to put this together. I\u2019m sure in those three years you were praying, hoping, believing that they\u2019d figure this out and stay together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. We always hoped; but in the back of our mind, we were very cautious because we knew it was serious when, as soon as they made the announcement, the dynamic of our family changed. It was as if all of the faking it, all of the incremental hurts, all of the masks were off; and we saw things that we had not recognized for 14 years happening in our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the hidden tension came out in the open in that three-year period?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> Yes; it was as if: \u201cNow, that the kids know, we can just be mean to each other.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. Were you mad at both mom and dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> I was! I just was mad; because they broke a promise\u2014not only in their vows\u2014but they promised us that this wouldn\u2019t happen. I really\u2014it was\u2014the trust was gone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to jump ahead to how old you were when either mom or dad said \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got news.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> Well it\u2019s interesting. For my dad, he\u2014my stepmom is someone we\u2019ve known for my whole life. So that was really hard. She\u2019s a kind, wonderful person, who I have a great relationship with; but I felt really betrayed by her. There was not infidelity that I know of at all; so I felt like, \u201cHow could someone who knows my mom, and knows our family, and is supposedly loving my dad\u2014how could <em>you<\/em> do this by being the person that he\u2019s falling back on?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut my dad and I weren\u2019t nearly as close in that season, and so I had separation from that relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTheir wedding happened within a year \/ almost a year of the divorce; it was very sudden. My dad took us on a family trip <em>with her<\/em>\u2014that we did with my mom, multiple years in a row\u2014and that was our \u201cThis is your stepmom,\u201d kind of coming-out party. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, wait, wait\u2014wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> That was really hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve done the same kind of family trip\u2014mom and dad\u2014and now, it is dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> And then my dad just loves this trip. He\u2019s a creature of habit, and he took <em>her<\/em>. It was a kind of a: \u201cMeet your stepmom. I\u2019m going to marry her. Let\u2019s go.\u201d It was a beautiful trip. It was a place that we had a lot of family memories; so I felt really, again, betrayed by that one. I celebrated him, but I still had a lot of stuff I was working through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. Did either your mom, or your dad, ever come to you and say: \u201cI\u2019m thinking about marrying this person; what do you think?\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> The trip for my dad was that, but it was almost a \u201cWhat-do-you-think,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it wasn\u2019t a \u201cWhat do <em>you<\/em> think?\u201d It was: \u201cThis is happening. Be nice!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith my mom, it was\u2014she swore she\u2019d never get married again: \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that!\u201d Then, when she found love\u2014she found somebody who is really kind and compatible with her\u2014I think she shifted a little bit, but she was very much dialoguing with us the whole time: \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m not going to marry him until\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026if,\u201d or \u201c\u2026when.\u201d We never tried to break that marriage up; but for her, it was more of a \u201cYou need to do things for yourself.\u201d We were adult children, at that point, and again had more time to heal before he entered the picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShannon, growing up with a mom who was essentially a single-parent mom, how old were you when she met and fell in love with her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> I think I was around eight, maybe; and I think, maybe three years later, that\u2019s when she was pregnant with my younger sister. And then, maybe a year or two later, they divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember her dating him\u2014I remember being around his mom, and his family, and that was strange. But she never asked: \u201cAre you okay with this? How do you feel about this?\u201d\u2014wasn\u2019t any of that in our home; she just did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The dynamic I\u2019ve often heard is that kids\u2014there\u2019s some part of this new guy or this new woman in the family dynamic that\u2019s attractive \/ that we like: \u201cWe go out and do fun stuff together. He buys presents for me and all of that.\u201d And yet, that\u2019s mixed in together with \u201cHe\u2019s taking my mom or my dad away from me.\u201d What were you feeling, as an eight-year-old, when there\u2019s now a guy in the picture who\u2019s a part of the family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> You know, reading Ron\u2019s books, I\u2019ve learned that a stepdad will come into the situation\u2014kind of looks like a hero\u2014because a single mom has been struggling and surviving. I\u2019m from a strong black-woman type family; she taught me some independent skills and that sort of thing, and he was supposed to <em>add<\/em> to the equation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it\u2019s a stepmom coming in, it\u2019s a little different: \u201cYou\u2019re messing up this happy home,\u201d\u2014that sort of thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there wasn\u2019t: \u201cOh, this is a plus for me.\u201d It was always\u2014because it was kind of introduced to me\u2014\u201cYou know, he\u2019s going to be more of a dad than your dad is; because your dad doesn\u2019t even send support, and you hardly see him anyway. You might as well call him \u2018Dad.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI can\u2019t call him \u2018Daddy,\u2019\u201d even though, in my mind, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s a sperm donor\u2014that\u2019s my daddy\u2014and I can\u2019t call another man, \u2018Daddy.\u2019\u201d So that was the only thing with me\u2014it was kind of forced that: \u201cYou should call him \u2018Daddy.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got an open chair here. Ron are you\u2014where\u2019s Ron? I know Ron well enough to know he\u2019s sitting, there, wanting to say about seven things. [Laughter] So hand him the microphone, and let him say what he\u2019s been itching to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh no, my secret is out! [Laughter] Actually, I just have questions. Lauren, you were talking a minute ago about\u2014I felt like you were saying, \u201cI was split in two,\u201d\u2014both when your dad remarried and when your mom remarried. There was a part of you that celebrated your stepdad, for example; but there was a part of you that still hoping, and wishing, and longing for what could have been. I think maybe you felt that way when your dad married; or maybe it was just: \u201cNo; you didn\u2019t have any split. There wasn\u2019t anything positive in that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk about: \u201cWhat do you do with that?\u2014the two sides of your heart that are in two different places about mom.\u201d Let\u2019s just focus on mom\u2014about mom\u2019s new man and what that means for you, in your life: \u201cHow do you cope with that, as a kid?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> So, as a kid\u2014it\u2019s hard to answer, because I was in more my later adolescence and adulthood when this process was happening. But the one place you really struggle is in identity loss. You\u2019ve got this family\u2019s surname on this side, with a new baby, and an answering machine message that you don\u2019t even recognize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, you\u2019ve got this family, with a whole new heritage and stepsiblings and older adults. All of a sudden, you\u2019re an aunt and you\u2019ve never had kids. Your brothers and sisters have never had kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2014it wasn\u2019t until I married Josh, and I took on a new surname and had that covenant of nuclear beginning that I really felt like I knew where my family was\u2014because we were either the \u201cfirst marriage kids\u201d to my stepmom and my half-brother, because they had a baby when I was in college\u2014or we were the \u201cstep kids,\u201d who were younger than these older kids, who had already done all these milestones that we felt were robbed from us. I was the first in my family to have a baby, and my stepdad had grandchildren already. I felt like all of my firsts were taken away, and it wasn\u2019t my choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. We don\u2019t have time for you to ask all the questions you want to ask. [Laughter] But here\u2019s what I want you to speak to; because, obviously, this happens. Divorced moms and dads meet, and fall in love, and make choices to blend families. What should they keep in mind about the reality that the kids are being brought into at that point? How do they navigate that in a way that is as healthy for the kids as it could possibly be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so my guess is, if you\u2019re sitting in the audience\u2014and you\u2019ve lived anything that their parents have walked through and your kids have experienced anything, even remotely close\u2014you\u2019re feeling a little bit of guilt; and you\u2019re feeling a little bit of hope; and I hope, a whole lot of empathy. That\u2019s what I would want you to focus on\u2014is the empathy piece: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStep in their shoes. Understand what it is to be a kid\u2014and how complex it is, and how divided they feel, and \u201cI don\u2019t even know who I am anymore. My identity is gone,\u201d\u2014all of those things are going on <em>while<\/em> the family is trying to blend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHelp parents move <em>toward<\/em> those pieces of their children\u2019s lives.\u201d Let me say that again: \u201cHelp parents move <em>toward<\/em> their children and these pieces in their hearts and lives,\u201d\u2014not move toward them with: \u201cThis is happening. Be happy,\u201d or \u201c\u2026Be nice,\u201d\u2014as the way she said it\u2014not <em>that<\/em>; because that\u2019s the parent\u2019s need, not the child\u2019s need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMove toward the child\u2019s needs and issues and say: \u201cHelp me understand this,\u201d \u201cTell me about that,\u201d \u201cI get it, which may mean you\u2019re mad at me right now. I understand. I love you; I know this is hard, and I\u2019m still here with you.\u201d That empathy piece\u2014moving <em>toward<\/em> the child helps heal \/ helps bring through the grief. And most importantly, keeps the child and the parent closer together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We could spend the rest of the morning just kind of working through all that we\u2019re hearing here. This has just been a glimpse. But to Ron\u2019s point, hopefully, it\u2019s opened all of us up to be able to say: \u201cThese are hard moments. Let\u2019s get on our kids\u2019 sides and just say: \u2018I want to help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2018I want to hear. I want to listen. I want to feel. I want to bear your burden,\u2019\u201d which is what the Bible tells us to do\u2014bear one another\u2019s burdens and fulfill the law of Christ in that. That doesn\u2019t take away all the pain \/ doesn\u2019t deal with all the hurt and the heartache, but it is being Christ in the midst of that with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate both of you sharing your story; and Ron, thanks for being up here. Thank them; will you? [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a conversation that took place, back in October, at the Summit on Step Family Ministry\u2014an event that we hosted to help equip leaders who are involved in working with blended couples and with stepfamilies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Bob, I take away three things from what we shared there. Number one, first of all, life is full of brokenness. I wish it was perfect. I wish that two people, who made a covenant with each other, went the distance every time; but it doesn\u2019t always happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, the second reality occurs; and that\u2019s pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPain has to be called what it is in the life of a child. The more we, as adults\u2014especially families, in the midst of this, who are raising step children\u2014the more that we can understand that the child doesn\u2019t know how to process what he or she has experienced\u2014but we can guide them. We can listen to them. We can help them. I think that helps the child grow up through the brokenness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally, third, children today need love in all kinds of situations\u2014the kind of love that lets them, maybe, act out their anger \/ what they\u2019ve experienced. But they need a parent, who keeps coming toward them, expressing the love of Christ and letting them know: \u201cYou know what? God is going to use this in your life. You may not like your circumstances. It won\u2019t be the last time in your life you face this, but the God of redemption can take a broken situation and use it for His purposes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m thinking back to the event we hosted last month, the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event that was livestreamed around the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a lot of people who joined us on that day for that event, but I know many of our listeners missed the event and would love to have access to the videos or to the audio. We\u2019ve got an all-access pass available if you\u2019re interested in viewing the videos or listening to the messages. There are also discussion questions available for each of the sessions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can find out more about the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> All-Access Pass when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have resources from Ron Deal, including a book called <em>Life in A Blender<\/em> that\u2019s all about how you can help kids in a blended marriage or family situation thrive. Again, look for the information about what\u2019s available for blended families when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us if you have any questions: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here, at FamilyLife is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. Wherever you are in your situation, we want to help you move forward \/ make progress in your walk with Christ and how that affects your marriage and your family. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for couples and for families\u2014that\u2019s our mission. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful for those of you who are a part of the mission, especially those of you who are regular monthly Legacy Partners. What you do each month, as you provide a donation, you provide the financial stability so that this ministry can continue to broadcast in your local community and so that we can reach out into more areas\u2014reach more people more regularly with this daily radio program and with all that we offer through <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are asking listeners to consider becoming new Legacy Partners. In fact, we\u2019re praying that 300 new individuals, or couples, or families will join us as Legacy Partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you enroll this month, two things are going to happen. First of all, we\u2019re going to send you a gift card \/ a free registration to an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway that you can use for yourself or for someone that you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, every donation you make over the next 12 months, as a Legacy Partner, is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of a half million dollars. That matching-gift fund has been provided for us by some friends of the ministry, and we\u2019re trying to take advantage of it. Would you consider becoming a new Legacy Partner? You can sign on easily at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to enlist at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re interested in making a onetime donation, that\u2019s going to be matched during the month of May as well. So, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and donate, online; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap up for this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk about the reality of domestic violence in our culture and what women, in particular, can do to help recover from abusive relationships\u2014how they can learn to walk in wholeness. Justin Holcomb will be our guest. We hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:32:57"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["30.16M"],"filesize_raw":["31629841"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300247.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300247.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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does it feel when one of your divorced parents remarries? Shannon Simmons and Lauren Reitsema share the stories of their blended family experiences.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Lauren Reitsema remembers being a teenager and getting stunning news from her parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk512942263\">Eighth grade\/ninth grade, my dad picked me up from sports practice in high school and said that he\u2019s moving out of the house. I said: \u201cNo; you\u2019re not! That\u2019s a joke; right? It\u2019s not April; this isn\u2019t really happening.\u201d It turned out to be a real threat. About two or three years into counseling, and trying to figure out how to make it work, my parents filed for divorce when I was a junior in high school and I was getting ready to leave for college. I felt like I got hit by a Mack<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Truck; because they actually had sat us down, as kids, and said, \u201cYou need to know that this is a family that will never get divorced.\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, May 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. What happens to a teenage girl who gets hit by the Mack Truck of her parents\u2019 divorce? How does that impact her as she moves into adulthood? We\u2019ll hear more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. One of the things that we have the privilege of doing, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is helping husbands and wives \/ moms and dads navigate their way through very challenging family situations. In recent years, we\u2019ve been speaking to couples who are in blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we\u2019ve been talking to folks who are ministering to those in blended families in an event we do every year called the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. I was part of the Summit, back last October. This is significant ministry that\u2019s happening as we gather together with these leaders from across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; this isn\u2019t theory. There\u2019s a lot of reality taking place today in blended families. What we\u2019re about to hear today are a couple of ladies\u2014one who was grown, at the point her parents separated and got a divorce, and a blended family was established at that point; and the other, who actually grew up in a blended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is, Bob\u2014when that happens, children do have to process what they see. I think we can use this\u2014even the imperfect\u2014it\u2019s not the ideal. It\u2019s not why God established marriage in the first place, but it does happen. We need to know how we can help people process what they\u2019re experiencing in a godly fashion.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Our goal is to help people, from wherever they are right now, move forward in the best godly redemptive way they can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; not get paralyzed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. And Lauren Reitsema, together with Shannon Simmons, were at the Summit. I had the opportunity to talk to these ladies about their experience\u2014not so much focused on the divorce of their parents\u2014but to talk about what it was like, as a young person, to see mom and dad fall in love with somebody else and start a new relationship and a new marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Lauren is here from the Front Range. Shannon is here from Little Rock, Arkansas. In fact, Shannon\u2014well, tell everybody what you do. You work with Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> I\u2019m his project coordinator\/administrative assistant at FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I\u2019ve been with that team for about two years now\u2014two-and-a-half years\u2014but at FamilyLife for about five years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you and your husband are also speakers at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae <\/sup>marriage getaways.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Lauren is here, as I said, from the Front Range in Colorado. Tell everybody what your full-time job is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> I am the communications director at a non-profit in Denver called The Center for Relationship Education. We teach relationship skills, from fourth grade through divorce recovery, in public schools across the country; because our heart is to prevent relationships from ever hitting a crisis point and teach kids\u2014from healthy friendship development all the way through marriage\u2014how to do relationships well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are in an intact marriage and family yourself; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> I am. My husband and I just celebrated our ten-year anniversary. We have a seven-year-old daughter, Leah, and a four-year-old son, Jace.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And Shannon, your marriage background\u2014it\u2019s an intact family with blended characteristics.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> Yes; we are a first marriage blended family; or as Ron would say, a multiple partner fertility family. I like saying that\u2014it makes me sound smart. [Laughter] But that just means that there was a pregnancy that wasn\u2019t a wedded pregnancy before we married. He had two, and we have three together. We\u2019ve been married 17 years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Got it. And both of you have, as a part of your experience, having grown up in a home where mom and dad broke up. Lauren, what was your family of origin story?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> My family of origin\u2014I have an older brother, younger brother, younger sister. We grew up in a mountain town called Evergreen, Colorado, and listened to the elk bugling in the meadow. It was a wonderful life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy parents were both involved in CBS leadership and Bible study. We started a church out of our basement. I knew the leadership. We would request worship songs as kids. I never remember not knowing who God was. My dad\u2019s a doctor; my mom\u2019s a business owner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe moved to Denver. In that season, I was entering middle school\u2014about eighth grade\/ninth grade\u2014my dad picked me up from sports practice in high school and said that he\u2019s moving out of the house. I said: \u201cNo; you\u2019re not! That\u2019s a joke; right? It\u2019s not April; this isn\u2019t really happening.\u201d It turned out to be a real threat. About two or three years into counseling, and trying to figure out how to make it work, my parents filed for divorce when I was a junior in high school and I was getting ready to leave for college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had, as a junior high student, no idea that there was tension \/ there were issues in the marriage?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> No; my parents literally took us on a ski trip, which we did very often. We had a family pow wow or family meeting, and it was in that time that they announced my dad was moving out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI felt like I got hit by a Mack Truck, because they weren\u2019t volatile. They square danced together at different events. They had friendships and family members. They actually had sat us down, as kids, and said, \u201cYou need to know that this is a family that will never get divorced.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWas yours a different dynamic? Did you know there was tension?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> Actually, I am the product of teen pregnancy. My parents were teen parents, and they did not marry. I grew up being the illegitimate kid in a single mom home\u2014saw a dad who chose to marry someone else \/ have a family with that woman\u2014thinking, you know, he didn\u2019t want me. Then seeing him divorce that woman and had adultery; then remarry another woman and have a child with that woman. Then he passed away. The divorce of his marriage and his death\u2014that\u2019s a lot to deal with, but that\u2019s my family of origin.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a relationship with your dad while you were growing up, even though he and your mom had never been married.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> I had a distant relationship. Dad was around, and his grandmother helped raise me and all of that; but he wasn\u2019t a provider. He didn\u2019t help my mom with support. My mom did marry, eventually, and then she got a divorce. But we were kind of distant\u2014I love my dad \/ I respected him\u2014but in my teen years, I had a different perspective of him because of things I would hear. I began to call my dad \u201csperm donor\u201d behind his back, of course, not in his face. But that was the type of relationship I had.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. It\u2019s interesting that we don\u2019t think our circumstance is abnormal when we\u2019re growing up because it\u2019s what we know. It\u2019s not until later that we start to look around and go, \u201cOh, not everybody\u2019s family dynamics are like mine.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember when it started to dawn on you that your family dynamics were unusual or that it wasn\u2019t the norm?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> When I went to college, at a predominantly white university, and began to get involved in the Baptist Student Union, where I was one of the very few minorities, I started hearing how people grew up; and that didn\u2019t match.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In that moment of going, \u201cThis doesn\u2019t match,\u201d was there hurt, or bitterness, or anger that came out of that?\u2014or did you just kind of compartmentalize all of that; do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> There wasn\u2019t anger; it was just a little sadness. You know, one of my friends\u2014she talked with her dad and that sort of thing. I didn\u2019t have that type of relationship. It wasn\u2019t until I had a mentor tell me that I needed to reconcile with my father, as a college student. One summer, while on missions, I sent my dad a letter, just apologizing to him that I wasn\u2019t a good daughter and \u201cI want to have a good relationship with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe began to reach out and began to talk on the phone, and he would come and visit me. Then, that following January, my father passed away in a car accident. I\u2019m so grateful that I stopped calling him \u201csperm donor\u201d before he died and that I had a healthy perspective of him before he passed away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. Lauren, from being a junior high student and getting hit by a Mack Truck with the news, there were, you said, three years of counseling and attempts to put this together. I\u2019m sure in those three years you were praying, hoping, believing that they\u2019d figure this out and stay together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely. We always hoped; but in the back of our mind, we were very cautious because we knew it was serious when, as soon as they made the announcement, the dynamic of our family changed. It was as if all of the faking it, all of the incremental hurts, all of the masks were off; and we saw things that we had not recognized for 14 years happening in our house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So the hidden tension came out in the open in that three-year period?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> Yes; it was as if: \u201cNow, that the kids know, we can just be mean to each other.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. Were you mad at both mom and dad?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> I was! I just was mad; because they broke a promise\u2014not only in their vows\u2014but they promised us that this wouldn\u2019t happen. I really\u2014it was\u2014the trust was gone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to jump ahead to how old you were when either mom or dad said \u201cHey, I\u2019ve got news.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> Well it\u2019s interesting. For my dad, he\u2014my stepmom is someone we\u2019ve known for my whole life. So that was really hard. She\u2019s a kind, wonderful person, who I have a great relationship with; but I felt really betrayed by her. There was not infidelity that I know of at all; so I felt like, \u201cHow could someone who knows my mom, and knows our family, and is supposedly loving my dad\u2014how could <em>you<\/em> do this by being the person that he\u2019s falling back on?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut my dad and I weren\u2019t nearly as close in that season, and so I had separation from that relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTheir wedding happened within a year \/ almost a year of the divorce; it was very sudden. My dad took us on a family trip <em>with her<\/em>\u2014that we did with my mom, multiple years in a row\u2014and that was our \u201cThis is your stepmom,\u201d kind of coming-out party. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, wait, wait\u2014wait.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> That was really hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019ve done the same kind of family trip\u2014mom and dad\u2014and now, it is dad\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> And then my dad just loves this trip. He\u2019s a creature of habit, and he took <em>her<\/em>. It was a kind of a: \u201cMeet your stepmom. I\u2019m going to marry her. Let\u2019s go.\u201d It was a beautiful trip. It was a place that we had a lot of family memories; so I felt really, again, betrayed by that one. I celebrated him, but I still had a lot of stuff I was working through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. Did either your mom, or your dad, ever come to you and say: \u201cI\u2019m thinking about marrying this person; what do you think?\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> The trip for my dad was that, but it was almost a \u201cWhat-do-you-think,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014it wasn\u2019t a \u201cWhat do <em>you<\/em> think?\u201d It was: \u201cThis is happening. Be nice!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith my mom, it was\u2014she swore she\u2019d never get married again: \u201cI\u2019m not going to do that!\u201d Then, when she found love\u2014she found somebody who is really kind and compatible with her\u2014I think she shifted a little bit, but she was very much dialoguing with us the whole time: \u201cWhat do you think?\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m not going to marry him until\u2026\u201d or \u201c\u2026if,\u201d or \u201c\u2026when.\u201d We never tried to break that marriage up; but for her, it was more of a \u201cYou need to do things for yourself.\u201d We were adult children, at that point, and again had more time to heal before he entered the picture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShannon, growing up with a mom who was essentially a single-parent mom, how old were you when she met and fell in love with her husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> I think I was around eight, maybe; and I think, maybe three years later, that\u2019s when she was pregnant with my younger sister. And then, maybe a year or two later, they divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember her dating him\u2014I remember being around his mom, and his family, and that was strange. But she never asked: \u201cAre you okay with this? How do you feel about this?\u201d\u2014wasn\u2019t any of that in our home; she just did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The dynamic I\u2019ve often heard is that kids\u2014there\u2019s some part of this new guy or this new woman in the family dynamic that\u2019s attractive \/ that we like: \u201cWe go out and do fun stuff together. He buys presents for me and all of that.\u201d And yet, that\u2019s mixed in together with \u201cHe\u2019s taking my mom or my dad away from me.\u201d What were you feeling, as an eight-year-old, when there\u2019s now a guy in the picture who\u2019s a part of the family?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shannon:<\/strong> You know, reading Ron\u2019s books, I\u2019ve learned that a stepdad will come into the situation\u2014kind of looks like a hero\u2014because a single mom has been struggling and surviving. I\u2019m from a strong black-woman type family; she taught me some independent skills and that sort of thing, and he was supposed to <em>add<\/em> to the equation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf it\u2019s a stepmom coming in, it\u2019s a little different: \u201cYou\u2019re messing up this happy home,\u201d\u2014that sort of thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there wasn\u2019t: \u201cOh, this is a plus for me.\u201d It was always\u2014because it was kind of introduced to me\u2014\u201cYou know, he\u2019s going to be more of a dad than your dad is; because your dad doesn\u2019t even send support, and you hardly see him anyway. You might as well call him \u2018Dad.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI can\u2019t call him \u2018Daddy,\u2019\u201d even though, in my mind, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThat\u2019s a sperm donor\u2014that\u2019s my daddy\u2014and I can\u2019t call another man, \u2018Daddy.\u2019\u201d So that was the only thing with me\u2014it was kind of forced that: \u201cYou should call him \u2018Daddy.\u2019\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI can\u2019t\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got an open chair here. Ron are you\u2014where\u2019s Ron? I know Ron well enough to know he\u2019s sitting, there, wanting to say about seven things. [Laughter] So hand him the microphone, and let him say what he\u2019s been itching to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Oh no, my secret is out! [Laughter] Actually, I just have questions. Lauren, you were talking a minute ago about\u2014I felt like you were saying, \u201cI was split in two,\u201d\u2014both when your dad remarried and when your mom remarried. There was a part of you that celebrated your stepdad, for example; but there was a part of you that still hoping, and wishing, and longing for what could have been. I think maybe you felt that way when your dad married; or maybe it was just: \u201cNo; you didn\u2019t have any split. There wasn\u2019t anything positive in that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk about: \u201cWhat do you do with that?\u2014the two sides of your heart that are in two different places about mom.\u201d Let\u2019s just focus on mom\u2014about mom\u2019s new man and what that means for you, in your life: \u201cHow do you cope with that, as a kid?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lauren:<\/strong> So, as a kid\u2014it\u2019s hard to answer, because I was in more my later adolescence and adulthood when this process was happening. But the one place you really struggle is in identity loss. You\u2019ve got this family\u2019s surname on this side, with a new baby, and an answering machine message that you don\u2019t even recognize. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, you\u2019ve got this family, with a whole new heritage and stepsiblings and older adults. All of a sudden, you\u2019re an aunt and you\u2019ve never had kids. Your brothers and sisters have never had kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2014it wasn\u2019t until I married Josh, and I took on a new surname and had that covenant of nuclear beginning that I really felt like I knew where my family was\u2014because we were either the \u201cfirst marriage kids\u201d to my stepmom and my half-brother, because they had a baby when I was in college\u2014or we were the \u201cstep kids,\u201d who were younger than these older kids, who had already done all these milestones that we felt were robbed from us. I was the first in my family to have a baby, and my stepdad had grandchildren already. I felt like all of my firsts were taken away, and it wasn\u2019t my choice.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. We don\u2019t have time for you to ask all the questions you want to ask. [Laughter] But here\u2019s what I want you to speak to; because, obviously, this happens. Divorced moms and dads meet, and fall in love, and make choices to blend families. What should they keep in mind about the reality that the kids are being brought into at that point? How do they navigate that in a way that is as healthy for the kids as it could possibly be?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; so my guess is, if you\u2019re sitting in the audience\u2014and you\u2019ve lived anything that their parents have walked through and your kids have experienced anything, even remotely close\u2014you\u2019re feeling a little bit of guilt; and you\u2019re feeling a little bit of hope; and I hope, a whole lot of empathy. That\u2019s what I would want you to focus on\u2014is the empathy piece: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStep in their shoes. Understand what it is to be a kid\u2014and how complex it is, and how divided they feel, and \u201cI don\u2019t even know who I am anymore. My identity is gone,\u201d\u2014all of those things are going on <em>while<\/em> the family is trying to blend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cHelp parents move <em>toward<\/em> those pieces of their children\u2019s lives.\u201d Let me say that again: \u201cHelp parents move <em>toward<\/em> their children and these pieces in their hearts and lives,\u201d\u2014not move toward them with: \u201cThis is happening. Be happy,\u201d or \u201c\u2026Be nice,\u201d\u2014as the way she said it\u2014not <em>that<\/em>; because that\u2019s the parent\u2019s need, not the child\u2019s need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMove toward the child\u2019s needs and issues and say: \u201cHelp me understand this,\u201d \u201cTell me about that,\u201d \u201cI get it, which may mean you\u2019re mad at me right now. I understand. I love you; I know this is hard, and I\u2019m still here with you.\u201d That empathy piece\u2014moving <em>toward<\/em> the child helps heal \/ helps bring through the grief. And most importantly, keeps the child and the parent closer together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We could spend the rest of the morning just kind of working through all that we\u2019re hearing here. This has just been a glimpse. But to Ron\u2019s point, hopefully, it\u2019s opened all of us up to be able to say: \u201cThese are hard moments. Let\u2019s get on our kids\u2019 sides and just say: \u2018I want to help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2018I want to hear. I want to listen. I want to feel. I want to bear your burden,\u2019\u201d which is what the Bible tells us to do\u2014bear one another\u2019s burdens and fulfill the law of Christ in that. That doesn\u2019t take away all the pain \/ doesn\u2019t deal with all the hurt and the heartache, but it is being Christ in the midst of that with your kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe appreciate both of you sharing your story; and Ron, thanks for being up here. Thank them; will you? [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a conversation that took place, back in October, at the Summit on Step Family Ministry\u2014an event that we hosted to help equip leaders who are involved in working with blended couples and with stepfamilies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And Bob, I take away three things from what we shared there. Number one, first of all, life is full of brokenness. I wish it was perfect. I wish that two people, who made a covenant with each other, went the distance every time; but it doesn\u2019t always happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so, the second reality occurs; and that\u2019s pain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPain has to be called what it is in the life of a child. The more we, as adults\u2014especially families, in the midst of this, who are raising step children\u2014the more that we can understand that the child doesn\u2019t know how to process what he or she has experienced\u2014but we can guide them. We can listen to them. We can help them. I think that helps the child grow up through the brokenness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then finally, third, children today need love in all kinds of situations\u2014the kind of love that lets them, maybe, act out their anger \/ what they\u2019ve experienced. But they need a parent, who keeps coming toward them, expressing the love of Christ and letting them know: \u201cYou know what? God is going to use this in your life. You may not like your circumstances. It won\u2019t be the last time in your life you face this, but the God of redemption can take a broken situation and use it for His purposes.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m thinking back to the event we hosted last month, the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> one-day event that was livestreamed around the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a lot of people who joined us on that day for that event, but I know many of our listeners missed the event and would love to have access to the videos or to the audio. We\u2019ve got an all-access pass available if you\u2019re interested in viewing the videos or listening to the messages. There are also discussion questions available for each of the sessions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can find out more about the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> All-Access Pass when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. We also have resources from Ron Deal, including a book called <em>Life in A Blender<\/em> that\u2019s all about how you can help kids in a blended marriage or family situation thrive. Again, look for the information about what\u2019s available for blended families when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us if you have any questions: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, our goal, here, at FamilyLife is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. Wherever you are in your situation, we want to help you move forward \/ make progress in your walk with Christ and how that affects your marriage and your family. We want to provide practical biblical help and hope for couples and for families\u2014that\u2019s our mission. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful for those of you who are a part of the mission, especially those of you who are regular monthly Legacy Partners. What you do each month, as you provide a donation, you provide the financial stability so that this ministry can continue to broadcast in your local community and so that we can reach out into more areas\u2014reach more people more regularly with this daily radio program and with all that we offer through <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we are asking listeners to consider becoming new Legacy Partners. In fact, we\u2019re praying that 300 new individuals, or couples, or families will join us as Legacy Partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you enroll this month, two things are going to happen. First of all, we\u2019re going to send you a gift card \/ a free registration to an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway that you can use for yourself or for someone that you know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, every donation you make over the next 12 months, as a Legacy Partner, is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of a half million dollars. That matching-gift fund has been provided for us by some friends of the ministry, and we\u2019re trying to take advantage of it. Would you consider becoming a new Legacy Partner? You can sign on easily at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call to enlist at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re interested in making a onetime donation, that\u2019s going to be matched during the month of May as well. So, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and donate, online; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that, we\u2019ve got to wrap up for this week. Thanks for being with us. I hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. And I hope you can join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to talk about the reality of domestic violence in our culture and what women, in particular, can do to help recover from abusive relationships\u2014how they can learn to walk in wholeness. Justin Holcomb will be our guest. We hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300247"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300247"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300247"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300247"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}