{"id":300245,"date":"2018-05-17T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-05-17T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/my-sweetheart-and-lover\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:25","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:25","slug":"my-sweetheart-and-lover","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/my-sweetheart-and-lover\/","title":{"rendered":"My Sweetheart and Lover"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Kevin Thompson encourages husbands and wives to give the intimate part of their relationship the attention it deserves. Wise spouses make sure to give their partners the best of themselves in the bedroom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-17.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:28","filesize":"26.07M","filesize_raw":"27337573","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810,2088],"tags":[4050,2877,2991],"podcast_series":[7214],"cwp_profile":[8832],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300245","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-marital-intimacy","tag-marriage","tag-sex","podcast_series-friends-partners-and-lovers","cwp_profile-kevin-thompson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300245\/my-sweetheart-and-lover","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300245\/my-sweetheart-and-lover","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"UBAcThZHVE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/my-sweetheart-and-lover\/\">My Sweetheart and Lover<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/my-sweetheart-and-lover\/embed\/#?secret=UBAcThZHVE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;My Sweetheart and Lover&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"UBAcThZHVE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Kevin Thompson encourages husbands and wives to give the intimate part of their relationship the attention it deserves. Wise spouses make sure to give their partners the best of themselves in the bedroom.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you ever thought about intimacy and romance in marriage being a part of the glue that God created to help us stay connected to one another during hard times? Here\u2019s pastor and author, Kevin Thompson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> It\u2019s almost as though God said: \u201cAlright; I\u2019m going to create this relationship, designed to transform these people\u2019s hearts, which in order to do that I\u2019m now going to have to reveal to them how broken and sin-filled they are. It\u2019s going to be a tough process. What is it that I can create that could now make them have appreciation for one another \/ enjoy this process\u2014this painful process? What is it that I can create that will keep them together, and glorify Me, and cause them to praise My Name?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, May 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. Kevin Thompson joins us today to talk about how husbands and wives can be better friends, and partners, and lovers. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. When we go out to one of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways, we notice that there is a part of the group that has gathered that checks the \u201cTable of Contents\u201d and they start looking for a particular subject. They want to know: \u201cWhen are we going to get to the good stuff of the marriage conference?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>The attendance in the afternoon, when you might think it would be lagging, is always high.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; because that\u2019s when we talk about sex in marriage. It\u2019s when we talk about being lovers in marriage. But to get to that you have to lay a foundation. A lot of people just want to jump to that subject. You have to understand\u2014there is a foundation that needs to be laid before you get there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> There really, really is. We have with us a pastor, who has been talking to hundreds of married couples, both individually and as groups, challenging them to think in three categories about their marriage. He\u2019s written a book called <em>Friends, Partners &amp; Lovers<\/em>. And his name is Kevin Thompson, from the Fort Smith, Arkansas, area. Kevin, welcome back to the broadcast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Thanks so much. It\u2019s great to be in Little Rock today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you get over to Fort Smith very often?\u2014do you get over there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> On my way\u2014passing through, on my way to Colorado.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you know that Exit 13 or Exit 5\u2014that\u2019s where the Braum\u2019s are \/ the Braum\u2019s Ice Cream\u2014either Exit 13 in Van Buren or Exit 5 in Alma. That\u2019s where you stop. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> The two things we\u2019ve got.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019m a\u2014I\u2019m a bigger fan of Graeter\u2019s Ice Cream. It\u2019s a mid-western ice cream.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I understand. I\u2019m not a respecter of ice creams. I can kind of go\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You can tackle it wherever. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKevin, you are a pastor of a <em>large<\/em> church. And I got to tell you\u2014one of the statements you made in your book or the stories you told in your book that I\u2019m just going\u2014I\u2019m going to cut right to the chase. It was like, \u201cHe\u2019s a courageous guy!\u201d because he was talking with his wife in bed about sex. You made the statement\u2014you know what I\u2019m talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> I think I do. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I\u2019ll let you take it then, because you\u2019re the one who originated this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Well, you get\u2014there\u2019s two stories that are possible here. One, I told Jenny, at one point, \u201cI wish men had it as easy as women, because\u2026\u201d She said, \u201cWhat do you mean by that?\u201d in almost an entrapping kind of way. I said: \u201cGenerally speaking, with guys, you know what it takes to make us happy; that is, as long as we\u2019re good lovers, we\u2019re happy.\u201d Jenny said, \u201cWomen have one thing too.\u201d I said: \u201cReally? What\u2019s the one thing?\u201d She said, \u201cClean the kitchen!\u201d It reminds me of this idea of how partnership flows over into the intimacy level. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then there\u2019s another concept here I was thinking of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes! That\u2019s the one!\u2014the one you just mentioned; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Are you going to go here?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> \u2014that I was trying to avoid. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there is this concept\u2014Jenny and I were talking one night after a <em>very<\/em> long day. This was the day in which we had planned on connecting, and we were both exhausted. In that moment, we were having a conversation. I made this statement, foolishly maybe\u2014I made this statement that: \u201cI understand some of the appeal of prostitution.\u201d She said: \u201cOh really; how so?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I just talked about this concept of both of us, all day long, have served; and we\u2019ve given of ourselves for the sake of other people. And who does that more than a mother?\u2014right? You get into the bed at night\u2014and just this idea of somebody else serving you\u2014and you not having to do anything. Having this cheap idea of love\u2014I understand the appeal\u2014it\u2019s the appeal of easy sex. It sounds appealing in the moment, and it might even be pleasurable in the occasional moment; but the reality is that it\u2019s not going to satisfy what we are truly longing for, which is an intimate connection with another person. Sex in marriage is not cheap; it is <em>very, very<\/em> costly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And sadly, there are a lot of husbands\u2014maybe even some wives\u2014who think that\u2018s really all we\u2019re talking about here\u2014is a sexual\/a physical experience. They\u2019ve settled for that, and they have not realized what God has created something much more glorious than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s what the writer of Genesis was talking about when he said in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGenesis 2:24 and 25: \u201cTherefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. And they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and they were not ashamed.\u201d There\u2019s the part of sex that we don\u2019t talk enough about. It\u2019s the idea of two people being totally transparent with one another\u2014both as a friend, which we talked about earlier; as partners in life, which we talked about as well; and in this physical aspect of two people truly becoming one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would think it would be a natural easy matter for this to occur, but the opposite is true; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely! The book, <em>Friends, Partners &amp; Lovers,<\/em> is written from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGenesis 2\u2014from God\u2019s design for marriage. Sin has influenced it \/ it has impacted it, but it has <em>not<\/em> redesigned it. That original design is still there. So, the beginning of the passage\u2014whenever God\u2019s going to create Eve, He says He is going to create a helper fit for Adam. That idea of \u201cfit\u201d\u2014there\u2019s something unique about her\u2014that\u2019s different than anybody else \/ different from the rest of the animals. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that is the friendship element. If it were an animal, there wouldn\u2019t be true peer relationship. Eve was out of the side\u2014a sense of equality that was there. \u201cHelper\u201d says that there\u2019s task to be done\u2014there\u2019s a partnership to happen. Then at the end of that passage, what you just read, is this idea of being naked and unashamed\u2014that intimacy that is there. This is one thing that distinguishes the marital contract \/ the marital relationship from all other relationships. These three roles all combined into one can only happen within God\u2019s design of marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s no accident here! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe think and we live in a society that talks about the <em>ease<\/em> of love, as though it comes naturally: \u201cIt should be so easy. When there is any non-compatibility there, something must be wrong with you.\u201d But whenever you think about it, of course it\u2019s going to be difficult. The very first effect and by-product of sin was shame. Is it any wonder that, for many couples, the first place they can experience some struggles is within the bedroom\u2014is within this concept of sexuality?\u2014because shame plays such an integral role in what\u2019s going on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you add to that the number of people who have begun a marriage relationship having been sexually active, either with one another or with other partners. They have believed the cultural narrative, which is: \u201cThat\u2019s okay,\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s normal. You\u2019ve just been indulging your appetites. There\u2019s nothing to that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when they get into marriage, their conscience bears witness to the fact that behavior was out of bounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re starting to recognize there\u2019s bitter fruit to what I thought was just free love before we got married. I think there are a lot of couples in marriage today who are experiencing difficulty in this area because they have never confronted the <em>sinfulness<\/em> of their past behaviors.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> I don\u2019t doubt that at all. This is where we are grateful for the gospel\u2014for God can forgive us; He can cleanse us from all those mistakes. But we have to confront it; we have to deal with it. We can\u2019t just live in denial of what actually took place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI see this playing out in multiple ways. I would say one of the biggest hindrances of marriage right now are couples, who are acting like they are married\u2014enjoying the benefits of marriage without the responsibilities. They tend to get stuck. Like it or not, the reason many of them get stuck is\u2014the woman wants to move ahead\u2014the woman wants to get married; the guy doesn\u2019t. Why should he? If he gets all the benefits of marriage and not all the responsibilities, why is it that he\u2019s going to move forward?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI meet with many women, greatly disappointed; because their partner won\u2019t ask them to marry them \/ won\u2019t move forward in the relationship. I simply ask, \u201cWhat\u2019s the benefit, at this point, of commitment when he\u2019s getting all these other benefits without any of the responsibilities?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I deal with couples who get in a relationship\u2014and they\u2019ve been living in this kind of free concept, thinking to themselves that sex is nothing more than a physical act. Then, they get into marriage; and they realize: \u201cNo; it\u2019s not. Like it or not, our emotions \/ our spirituality\u2014all of those things are engaged and involved.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsn\u2019t it interesting?\u2014this is one place that science, I think, is proving the Christian story. We were told in the \u201860s and the \u201870s and the \u201880s: \u201cIt\u2019s just a physical act. Everything else is just a social construct. Don\u2019t worry about it. Get over it. You\u2019re so prudish in what you\u2019re teaching.\u201d Now, science is beginning to show us: \u201cNo; you cannot separate the emotions \/ you cannot separate the heart from the physical act of what\u2019s going on.\u201d The Christian story is being <em>proven<\/em> true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes; what troubles me\u2014and I get this \/ I mean, I understand\u2014but 60 percent of all couples, who are getting married today, have begun their relationship by cohabiting. It\u2019s become the preferred method of marriage preparation. You\u2019re a pastor\u2014you see folks come in to have you bless the union for a day and bless their covenant-keeping relationship, but they\u2019ve already taken of the benefits and almost with disregard for what the Bible has to say. And now, all of a sudden, they are going to flip the switch and start living by the Book?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> You\u2019re absolutely right! The thing that\u2019s goes unspoken I think\u2014I think the church does a decent job at speaking out about that and the need to do this in a biblical way\u2014but there\u2019s an equal way to disobey what the Bible has to say about sex; that is, once you\u2019re in the marital relationship, to not give it the intention and attention it\u2019s supposed to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think we can very fairly say the street-walking prostitute, who is sleeping with everybody\u2019s husband, and the good church lady, who refuses to sleep with her own\u2014they are both sexual sinners. They are just doing it in radically different ways. One is very socially and church-wide acceptable; the other one is shunned; but in reality, they are both missing the mark of what Jesus has for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Bible speaks to this\u20141 Corinthians, Chapter 7, says you are not to deprive one another, except for a period for prayer. And most couples, who are depriving one another, are not doing it for some season of prayer; and it\u2019s not a mutual decision. It\u2019s somebody, who says: \u201cI\u2019m not happy with how everything is going,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m tired,\u201d or \u201cI have other priorities,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m just not interested.\u201d They don\u2019t recognize that failure to attend to this part of the relationship is going to have implications to every part of the relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> It\u2019s going to ripple over into every scenario of what\u2019s going on in their connection between them. I see this so often. Sometimes, there\u2019s physical issues that are going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the simplest things we can do, if we are having problems in the bedroom, is to go get a physical\u2014to just talk openly with our doctor to see what\u2019s going on. It could be age is happening; it could be disease; it could be several other things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut generally speaking, physically, everything is okay; but the bedroom is kind of the first place the problems tend to arise, because there is a weakness in the friendship or a disrespect in the partnership. The first place that is <em>seen<\/em> is then in the intimacy aspect of what is happening. So you have to have that intention, even within the sexual relationship, in order to have the relationship flourish.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we talk about this at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways, one of the things we ask couples to evaluate is: \u201cLet\u2019s talk first about commitment. Is that solid? Is that secure? If there\u2019s any question about commitment, how can you freely give yourself to somebody when you\u2019re not sure how safe that relationship is?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we say: \u201cYou need to look at companionship. Are you having fun together?\u201d\u2014we\u2019ve already talked about being friends and partners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then we say: \u201cYou need to look at your spiritual intimacy. What\u2019s going on in terms of how the two of you are engaging with God together?\u201d These areas of commitment, companionship, and spiritual intimacy\u2014these are a part of what makes the passion side of a relationship work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinally, the question of: \u201cHas your passionate relationship become routine, where you\u2019re just kind of in a rut and not giving any thought or creativity to what that looks like?\u201d These are some of the common things that couples can start to go: \u201cOh, okay; now I can see why we are having some problems here, because it\u2019s gotten boring,\u201d or \u201c\u2026because I didn\u2019t feel safe,\u201d or \u201c\u2026because we\u2019re not hanging out and being friends together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Everything is foreplay\u2014that\u2019s just the truth. Everything is foreplay. Everything is going in to either making your relationship \/ your intimate relationship better or it\u2019s making it worse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I hear, <em>all the time<\/em>, from wives is: \u201cYes! I\u2019d sleep with him more often if he\u2019d just picked up his socks!\u201d It\u2019s just this idea\u2014what you\u2019re hearing in that moment is an <em>exhausted<\/em> wife. If you were to look at what is probably the biggest issue that\u2019s affecting intimacy between husbands and wives today, it\u2019s probably exhaustion\u2014that is probably it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Generally speaking, the intimate moment is saved for the end of the day. We are giving of ourselves, all day long, to everybody else; and then, if something is left over at the end, our spouse gets that. Now, I understand that. There\u2019s an aspect of it\u2014I have a church; I have a couple kids; my wife has a business\u2014I understand that, but if that\u2019s all we ever give each other\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the great recommendations I give to couples is: \u201cHave sex more often in the daytime.\u201d You\u2019ve got to find ways to make it happen\u2014maybe running home for \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tlunch \/ maybe you\u2019re dropping the kids off to school then coming back home. But if you can create those times\u2014it\u2019s not going to be the norm, by any means\u2014but if you can create those times, in which you are giving your best to your spouse, and then those other moments will have more meaning and more value. But if all you ever do is give your spouse your leftovers, then pretty soon, one of you is going to leave; and it\u2019s going to be over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>What we\u2019re talking about here is good communication between a husband and wife around their feelings, their expectations, how they get hurt. One of the problems is\u2014we talk at the end of the day, like you\u2019re talking about, when both of us are exhausted. Then you light a match; and it\u2019s like pouring kerosene on top of it, and it explodes. It\u2019s not going to be a time of coming to great understanding and great communication.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouples do <em>need<\/em> to just have a date and, without accusing one another of anything, just have a conversation of: \u201cHow are we doing here?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Yes; absolutely! This is where you see how friendship plays into this. If you\u2019re friends, you can talk about anything. You can talk about anything with your friends\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter\u2014you can talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo think about this\u2014if we go back to our first recommendation\u2014to strengthen your friendship, take a walk. What a great time to talk about sex\u2014outside the bedroom, outside the expectation of the moment, outside the pressure of what is going on. But, then, as you are taking a walk\u2014and again, you\u2019re not necessarily looking each other in the eye\u2014as you\u2019re taking a walk, you can have this conversation of: \u201cIs this satisfying or not?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tVery interesting to me\u2014whenever I do marriage conferences, I tend to take ten points. I wrote an article one time\u2014just kind of a checklist of ten things of: \u201cHow Healthy Is Your Marriage?\u201d One of them just simply says: \u201cTrue or false: Our sexual intimacy meaningful.\u201d Think about how low of a bar that is\u2014it has no details in it; it just means that, to you, it is meaningful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI expected, whenever I wrote that, for most people to be able to say, \u201cYes!\u201d Without fail, it is the number one thing listed as I have them list one or two things on there that are a problem. Without fail, that\u2019s number one. The majority of couples that come to a marriage conference that I lead will say their sexual intimacy is <em>not<\/em> meaningful. That\u2019s a problem.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is the very thing, I think, that God created with design\/with intention. Think about it\u2014marriage is the coming together of two sin-filled people. It\u2019s going to be difficult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, literally, it is opposites, now coming in, living together. Nobody is going to see my weaknesses more than my wife\u2014my brokenness \/ all these things. We\u2019re coming together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s almost as though God said: \u201cAlright; I\u2019m going to create this relationship, designed to transform these people\u2019s hearts, which, in order to do that, I\u2019m now going to have to reveal to them how broken and sin-filled they are. It\u2019s going to be a tough process. What is it that I can create that can now make them have appreciation for one another \/ enjoy this process\u2014this painful process? What is it that I can create that will keep them together, and glorify Me, and maybe even, at the climax of that moment, cause them to praise My Name?\u201d He designed sex for that\u2014for that very moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Kevin, as you were talking about that question, I thought: \u201cI wonder if there is a difference\u2014and I\u2019m smiling as I say this\u2014I wonder if there is a difference in how women answer why it\u2019s not meaningful and how men answer that same question?\u201d Can you summarize what you\u2019re seeing and hearing from these surveys and interacting with hundreds of couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a great question. I haven\u2019t gone into depth with that. Maybe I need to on my next survey. That\u2019s a great idea, but I do have some general ideas of what\u2019s going on. I think, generally speaking, for men\u2014if it comes down to an issue: \u201cIf she understands and recognizes my sexual need, she knows me, and she loves me, and she appreciates me.\u201d I think for women\u2014it\u2019s the idea of: \u201cIf he knows me, and sees me, and appreciates me, then I\u2019m going to be opened up to the sexual union together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the fact that we start in two radically different places. I think for men\u2014it\u2019s the idea: \u201cShe doesn\u2019t prioritize it enough. Everything else comes before this, so I have to wait for the end of the day for this to happen. And <em>then<\/em> she might be too tired. I\u2019m the one who gets checked off the list, not something else. She\u2019ll do the PTA; she\u2019ll make sure the lunches are made; she\u2019ll make sure she\u2019s at work; but I might be the one that risks, this day, not being on the to-do list.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhereas, what women tend to say, I believe is: \u201cHe doesn\u2019t respect me. He doesn\u2019t love me. He doesn\u2019t know me, and now he wants me to do this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s just not going to work in that way. I think you have to have a different perspective. I think women need to understand the value of sex to men\u2014that it is not just a physical act\u2014it is a connection that he wants with you. But I think men have to understand: \u201cI have to woo her heart in order to have her body.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Generally speaking, when couples have a problem in the bedroom, the problem is\u2014they don\u2019t know how to communicate. That\u2019s the issue\u2014the issue is not the intimacy. The issue actually goes back to the friendship and to the partnership: \u201cHave they learned how to navigate\/negotiate how to work through problems?\u201d If the answer is, \u201cNo\u201d; they are going to have a problem in the bedroom they can\u2019t fix.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think you mentioned the issue of fatigue and no margin. I think, with the advent of children upon a marriage, and a bunch of them, things change in a marriage relationship as we get older. I make this statement repeatedly: \u201cYour marriage has to be built to outlast your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIt\u2019s got to be intact when the children begin to leave and you begin to release them to become their own men and women in the marketplace. You\u2019re going to be left with each other. You\u2019re going to turn around and find your wife\u2019s hand to hold it, or you\u2019re going to turn around and find her back away from you because you\u2019ve not paid attention to loving her and caring for her in the midst of growing old together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking we need an app\u201424-hour app\u2014don\u2019t you think that\u2019d work; right? You can set the timer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2014that\u2019d speak the love\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a genius idea; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s a man\u2019s answer to the problem! I can see women, right now, going, \u201cThat isn\u2019t going to work, buster.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; maybe just copies of Kevin\u2019s book\u2014maybe that would be better than the app.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> I think so!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> I think Jenny would say: \u201cGet all the apps you want. It\u2019s not going to matter.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s exactly right! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKevin, thanks for writing this book\u2014great job. Keep on encouraging marriages to excel still more in honoring Jesus Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Kevin:<\/strong> Well, thanks for your legacy of teaching us about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The book is called <em>Friends, Partners &amp; Lovers<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to order your copy, call 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d\u2019 as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like more information about our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaways, you can find that, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you are interested in hosting an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> small group or an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em> event in your church or in your community, find out more about how you can get involved in helping to strengthen the marriages of other couples in your sphere of influence. The information is available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Let me just say: \u201c<em>The Art of Marriage<\/em> is great content \/ great material. It has been seen by more than a million people. Folks <em>really<\/em> have been impacted by this series, so we hope that\u2019s something you will check out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you a quick question: \u201cIf I told you that you could have a powerful impact in the lives, and marriages, and families of thousands of couples in your community, and all it would take is $25 or $30 a month, would you be willing to do that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Legacy Partners are doing. They are investing in this ministry so that this ministry can reach more people more regularly with practical biblical help and hope. Your investment as a Legacy Partner means that more young couples are going to have stronger marriages \/ more moms and dads are going to know how to raise their kids in a godly environment. You\u2019re investing in the lives, and the marriages, and the families of people all around you every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn every state, where <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is heard, we have a handful of people who have stepped forward as monthly Legacy Partners and said, \u201cWe want to help provide the financial stability so that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> can continue to be heard in our community.\u201d We\u2019re grateful for our Legacy Partners. This month, we are hoping that we\u2019ll have 300 new Legacy Partners who will join with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve already started hearing from a lot of listeners around the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you become a Legacy Partner this month, two things are going happen. First, you\u2019ll get a certificate you can use for yourself or for others to attend a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway. That certificate is our \u201cThank you,\u201d for joining with us and being part of the team. Then, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have agreed they are going to match every donation we receive from new Legacy Partners, over the next 12 months, dollar for dollar. Every donation you make for the next 12 months will be doubled if you sign up as a new Legacy Partner today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can easily sign up today, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to sign up. By the way, if you are interested in making a onetime donation in the month of May, that onetime donation will be doubled as well, up to a total of $500,000. We hope to hear from you this month. Go online to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information about becoming a Legacy Partner or making a financial gift to support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us back tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk about what it\u2019s like to grow up in a family where mom and dad split up. We\u2019ll hear from two adult women who reflect on their experience in their childhood and the impact of their parents\u2019 divorce has had on their lives. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife\u00ae of Little Rock, Arkansas; \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. 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