{"id":300229,"date":"2018-05-07T11:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-05-07T15:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/shame-and-abuse\/"},"modified":"2024-10-07T22:41:24","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T02:41:24","slug":"shame-and-abuse","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/shame-and-abuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Shame and Abuse"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nancy Houston recalls her childhood and the difficulty growing up in a non-Christian home with a violent father who suffered from PTSD. Houston reminds listeners, &#8220;God is for you, and abuse is never okay.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-07.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:58","filesize":"25.6M","filesize_raw":"26843585","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873,2844,2088],"tags":[2949,4375,4373,2991,4372,4374],"podcast_series":[7212],"cwp_profile":[3384],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-300229","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-pornography","category-romance-and-sex","tag-abuse","tag-healing-from-sexual-abuse","tag-ptsd","tag-sex","tag-sex-therapist","tag-sexual-abuse","podcast_series-love-and-sex","cwp_profile-nancy-houston","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/300229\/shame-and-abuse","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/300229\/shame-and-abuse","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"lJianSbujG\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/shame-and-abuse\/\">Shame and Abuse<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/shame-and-abuse\/embed\/#?secret=lJianSbujG\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Shame and Abuse&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"lJianSbujG\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nancy Houston has counseled hundreds of couples who have experienced challenges with intimacy in their marriage. She knows, first hand, how damage from the past\u2014sexual and physical abuse\u2014can bleed over into a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> When I got married at 18, I remember doing this\u2014saying, \u201cOkay; this is my before life, and it\u2019s over; and this is my new life. From here, I will begin my life that I want to have.\u201d I just tried to <em>really<\/em> separate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014and just bury those first 18 years of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk today about how issues from our past can have an impact on our relationship, as husband and wife, in the marriage bed. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, when you talk to couples about challenges they\u2019re facing in their marriage, they will sometimes acknowledge that there are issues with the children, or financial issues, or job-related issues\u2014conflict. But one of the areas they\u2019re reticent to talk about is if they\u2019re having trouble in the sexual area of their relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you [Nancy] understand that\u2014this is something that is private, and personal, and intimate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we have a sex therapist, who has been one for 17 years, with us on the broadcast. Nancy Houston joins us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Bob\u2019s talking about is right, Nancy; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> It really is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks so much. It\u2019s good to be here with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSex is really hard to talk about, even for married couples. There\u2019s just a lot of shame that\u2019s built in around our sexuality, oftentimes starting in childhood. Children will play doctor; and when they\u2019re caught, they can be spanked and shamed for that. When children are born, sometimes, their parents don\u2019t know how to talk about body parts\u2014how to use appropriate language with their children. So, you know, we can just be wired for shame, at a very, very young age, about our sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd because we don\u2019t talk about it very much, then there are a lot of unknowns; so children fill in the blanks for themselves. Oftentimes, they aren\u2019t filling in those blanks very well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Usually their peers fill in the blanks,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and that\u2019s not usually good stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve written a book called <em>Love and Sex<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And this really takes us back to how you grew up, as a young lady, before you even married Ron in 1974.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take us back to that experience and explain the context for your book and for your work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Well, I grew up in a non-Christian home. My dad was a brilliant man; he was a city attorney and the city judge. He did very well \/ he was very successful; but inside of our home, it was pretty much a nightmare. I realize, now, that my dad had post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn\u2019t know that when I was a child. He was just sort of a puzzle to me. He could be fun and delightful and provide well for us\u2014and take us on wonderful vacations, and take us fishing, and do a lot of fun things\u2014but then, he had this dark violent side to him and did not believe in God or religion\u2014he thought that was a crutch\u2014we were a family that was self-made, and we did not need that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, when I became a Christian at 14\u2014and my older sister had become a Christian\u2014he would scream at us and be very angry with us\u2014that we did not need religion; it was just a crutch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did you even hear the gospel, growing up in that home, as a 14-year-old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> It is pretty amazing; you know? Actually, when I was five years old, there was not public kindergarten back then. There was one good kindergarten in town, and it happened to be an Assembly of God kindergarten. My parents sent me there for kindergarten, and I know that\u2019s where I heard the gospel for the first time. After that, I would hide under my covers with a flashlight and read my Bible; because I knew I would be in trouble if I got caught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> And I asked my mom, \u201cAre we Christians?\u201d She would say: \u201cOh, yes. We\u2019re Christians.\u201d I would say, \u201cMom, why do you think we\u2019re Christians?\u201d She would say, \u201cBecause we\u2019re good people.\u201d And I would say back to her, \u201cI don\u2019t think we\u2019re that good!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> And so, when I was 14, my parents had gone to Europe for a month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy sister had kind of snuck to go to church with our neighbors and received Christ, and she came home and told me about Jesus. I said, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019ve been looking for all my life!\u201d Of course, the seed had been planted in my heart when I was five. We prayed together, and I received Christ in my parents\u2019 bedroom at 14 years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so, what was the dark side, then, that impacted you as a young lady?\u2014not just your father\u2019s lack of belief about God\u2014but he had a dark side that people didn\u2019t know about as well; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; he did. I remember saying to one of his friends, \u201cYou only know him socially.\u201d That was true, because he could be great socially. On the outside, our lives looked pretty perfect; but on the inside, you know, he could just snap and be very violent\u2014and be very violent to all three of his children\u2014and very cruel. He drank a lot and partied hard. He would be sexually abusive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I think we experienced every kind of abuse there was. I never saw him abuse my mom, physically; but I think there was a lot of emotional abuse for her as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019re saying you <em>and<\/em> your siblings were sexually abused by your father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; yes, we were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Starting at what age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Probably pretty young\u2014it was mostly during my younger years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt stopped. As a matter of fact, my dad, when I was 15, became a Christian. My sister witnessed to him for six hours one day in the living room. I would kind of peek around the corner, expecting violent outbursts; but she just hung in there with him and, eventually, he just broke and received Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So when you met Ron\u2014started dating him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you really hadn\u2019t processed all that had happened to you from a biblical perspective\u2014or emotional as well. You brought this to your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; and another thing that was really traumatic for me is\u2014when my family all became Christians, we started going to this <em>wonderful<\/em> church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were two youth pastors. One was just the most wonderful, delightful, godly man in the whole-wide world\u2014I still adore him. The other man wasn\u2019t like that\u2014he was a sexual predator. I would just try to stay away from him; but one day, on this retreat\u2014unfortunately, he got me alone; and he sexually assaulted me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was <em>very, very <\/em>traumatizing. I already had trauma; but I didn\u2019t tell anybody, because I had never told anybody any of these secrets. I just figured you\u2019re supposed to keep these kinds of secrets. I didn\u2019t know who to tell or what to do, and I just kind of stuffed it down and went on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was shortly after that I started dating my husband. You know, I think we were both looking for a safe place; and we found each other. [Laughter] We got married right out of high school, and my husband received Christ three months before we got married. It\u2019s been such a <em>blessing<\/em>, because we have a safe place with each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when somebody marries, and they\u2019ve got this compartment of their life\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that nobody has ever been in before\u2014at some point, the toxic material that\u2019s in there just starts to ooze out into the relationship. How did that happen for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> It does! You know, in our twenties, we had four little boys; so our twenties were super busy. My goal was: \u201cI want to be the <em>best <\/em>mom I can be! We want to be great parents to our kids.\u201d So we were very, very busy and involved in their lives and in our church. It wasn\u2019t until our youngest son went to first grade\u2014I was probably about 32\u2014and I\u2019ll never forget this day\u2014it was a Saturday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some odd reason, we didn\u2019t have 20 sporting events that day. [Laughter] It must have been raining or something, so we were all at home. My husband was out in the garage\u2014cleaning the garage\u2014and the kids were playing. I just had a meltdown\u2014I could not stop crying. I am like: \u201cOh! What is wrong with me?!\u201d I kept going out to the garage and saying, \u201cHoney, are you okay?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYes; I\u2019m great!\u201d I am like, \u201cAre you sure there isn\u2019t something wrong with you today?\u201d He is like: \u201cNo; I\u2019m fine. I\u2019m so happy I\u2019m getting to clean out my garage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI needed him to not be okay. I couldn\u2019t handle it\u2014<em>me<\/em> who wasn\u2019t okay. So I would go back into my room and just cry and cry and cry. It was like the flood had broken, and it was all coming out. The next day at church\u2014thankfully, we have this <em>great<\/em> counselor on staff. I went up to him after church, and kind of stood beside him, and said: \u201cThere is something wrong with me. I think I need help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cOkay; well, come in tomorrow at one o\u2019clock.\u201d My first appointment\u2014he said, \u201cTell me about your childhood.\u201d I just sat there and matter-of-factly told him. He sat there and cried. I am like: \u201cOh, it wasn\u2019t that bad! It wasn\u2019t that bad. I survived,\u201d\u2014I had established all of these coping mechanisms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd my dad was very much, \u201cYou kids better be on top of your game in my home!\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you know? There wasn\u2019t any room for weakness or self-pity; just kind of, \u201cGet with it!\u201d So I was pretty good at that\u2014presenting a good outer self, while the inner self was really dying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t know why you were having a meltdown on that Saturday?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No; I did not! I had so\u2014when I got married at 18, I remember doing this\u2014saying: \u201cOkay; this is my before life, and it is over. This is my new life; and from here, I will begin my life that I want to have.\u201d I just tried to <em>really<\/em> separate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014and just bury those first 18 years of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some people will read in their Bible, where it says, \u201cForgetting what lies behind\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI press on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they\u2019ll go, \u201cWell, this is what I\u2019m supposed to do\u2014forget what lies behind and press on.\u201d What\u2019s wrong with that strategy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know, I think God wants us to be an integrated whole. I think Jesus\u2014you know, Jesus says, in Isaiah and Luke, \u201cI came to heal the broken-hearted.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I love that he said, \u201c\u2026the broken-hearted\u201d not the \u201c\u2026broken-headed.\u201d He wants to heal our broken hearts, where we have been <em>deeply <\/em>wounded \/ <em>deeply<\/em> affected by things that have happened to us. He\u2019s inviting us into this healing process. He isn\u2019t saying, \u201cRun away from it,\u201d \u201cIgnore it,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s all just going to go away, and you\u2019re magically going to be fine.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cNo; I came to heal the broken-hearted, and to set the captive free, and to release the prisoner.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just started meditating on those passages and I am like: \u201cOh! I\u2019m broken-hearted,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand my counselor\u2019s crying.\u201d I didn\u2019t even\u2014I would say to my counselor: \u201cI\u2019m so afraid, if I start crying, I won\u2019t <em>ever <\/em>be able to stop,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cIt will be a <em>flood<\/em>, and I won\u2019t have any control over it.\u201d I think I had just learned how to control it all, pretty much because I had to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what happened, a year-and-a-half in\u2014that caused a breakthrough for you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to go: \u201cOh, yes. This is not something that is okay\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I so believe in a healing journey\u2014I don\u2019t think it\u2019s \u201cone and done.\u201d I think it\u2019s a process for all of us. I just kept working that process: I went to a sexual abuse recovery group; I kept seeing the therapist; I started talking to friends \/ our pastor; and people were praying for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy husband was so good to me\u2014I mean, I would be triggered; and like, suddenly, he\u2019s a bad man. I would just say, \u201cTime out\u201d; and he would just hold me and pray for me. I am like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m safe. This is a good man,\u201d\u2014you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that was going to be one of my questions\u2014was: \u201cWhat would you say to the husband, who is married to a woman who is a #MeToo\u2014who\u2019s been abused?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWhat would you coach him to do?\u201d\u2014obviously, you just talked about what your husband did\u2014\u201cWhat else?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I think just being there for her, knowing that you cannot rescue her, but you can partner with her in her healing\u2014just like you, as a man, probably have some things that need healing; and you\u2019re going to need her to partner with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s the beauty of marriage and what marriage, really, is meant to be about\u2014where we partner with each other in the really great places and in the hard, agonizing places. We learn how to be there with each other\u2014not condemn, not criticize, and not like: \u201cCan\u2019t you just get over this?\u201d \u201cCan\u2019t you just be better?\u201d \u201cCan\u2019t you just forget about it?\u201d But instead, like: \u201cWell, tell me about that. How was that for you? What was that like for you? What do you need from me? How can I love you through this hard season? How can I support you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The name of your book is <em>Love and Sex<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the love is what is so necessary today, and not an emotional kind of love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But, as you\u2019ve mentioned before, a safe and secure covenant-keeping love that says: \u201cYou know what? No matter what you\u2019ve done \/ no matter what you tell me, I\u2019m going to be standing here, offering you a real relationship with a real person. I\u2019m not quitting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I\u2019m not going to toss in the towel.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s safety; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Right; it really is. When I knew: \u201cWow! I\u2019m married to a man who loves me for me. It\u2019s not just about my body or his pleasure. It is\u2014he\u2019s somebody who cares about me,\u201d\u2014that, for a woman who has experienced trauma from males \/significant males\u2014it is like water to your soul; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What if her husband is a perpetrator? What if he is still continuing the abuse that maybe somebody else started at another time? What would you say to a woman who\u2019s in a marriage that isn\u2019t safe?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Well, you know, my therapist said to me, \u201cNancy, it\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em> that you aren\u2019t on your fifth marriage and that you didn\u2019t marry really dangerous men.\u201d I am like: \u201cYes!\u201d It was just the grace of God\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cthat I didn\u2019t repeat what I grew up with,\u201d because, a lot of times, we repeat. Thankfully, for some reason\u2014I cannot take any credit for it\u2014but for some reason, God spared me that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t that smart at 18; were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No; I wasn\u2019t. Although, I remember at six [years old], what I wanted more than anything in life was\u2014I wanted to marry a man I loved\u2014not for money\u2014because I felt like my mom kind of married my dad for money. I wanted to marry for love, and I wanted to be a really good wife and a good parent. I mean, that\u2019s what really mattered to me. I think God was leading me in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon and I were\u2014we were kind of like a mess when we got married at 18. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I mean, obviously, he brought in some trauma \/ I brought in some trauma. He had come from a lot of neglect. I hadn\u2019t had any financial neglect, but I had emotional neglect\u2014I hadn\u2019t been protected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mother never protected me\u2014just one time, Dad was hitting and kicking me\u2014and Mom just said, \u201cBill, don\u2019t kick her in the head.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes. So I would say to women, who are in abusive relationships\u2014like: \u201cYou matter. You have so much value. You have worth. Even though this person has told you [that] you don\u2019t, you do! God is for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think abuse is ever okay. If you\u2019re in an abusive relationship, you have to find ways to protect yourself and to protect your children\u2014they are worth it, and you are worth it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one day\u2014my dad had left the house, really angry with my mom. He was screaming; and you know, he squealed out of the driveway, with rocks flying. I sat by my mom on the couch; and I said, \u201cMom, we can make it without him.\u201d You know?\u2014I was kind of the parent, at six years old. I was trying to parent my mother and say: \u201cMom, we can make it without him. We will find a way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know what I thought I would do, at six years old, to financially support; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> But I think we have to believe there\u2019s a way to live apart from abuse and living with a perpetrator. I wish my mother would have had the courage to ask for help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, my dad was a very powerful man. I remember, sometimes, thinking: \u201cI should call the police. I know this behavior isn\u2019t right.\u201d But then I am like: \u201cMy dad\u2019s the city judge! How do I call the police? They work for him!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know? It was kind of a dilemma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you had to, in the last year\u2014when the Hollywood scandals were exposed, and the MeToo hashtag emerged, and then we hear about Olympic gymnasts\u2014all of this stuff is coming out\u2014and women and men courageously saying, \u201cThis is my story.\u201d There is something healthy about us being in a day where hidden stories like this are coming to light and where healing can happen; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know, I am so thankful. I just thought, \u201cGod, it\u2019s kind of a miracle that my book is coming out right at the same time that all of this MeToo is happening.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; if we could create a culture, where it is okay for you to say: \u201cThis bad thing happened to me, and I need help. It really hurt me deeply; and I need some people to stand up and say to this perpetrator, \u2018Your behavior is not okay, and we\u2019re not going to let you get away with it anymore.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know, for example\u2014back when this happened to me with the youth pastor\u2014apparently, it happened to several other girls in the youth group. Some of us told the senior pastor. Well, they put that youth pastor on a train that night; and he left the state, never to be seen again; but, you know, that wasn\u2019t helpful to us girls; you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; and he probably landed somewhere else and said, \u201cI was a youth pastor in Oregon,\u201d and got another job somewhere else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> He did. He went on to be a youth pastor at several other churches. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, he probably perpetrated, maybe, hundreds of girls, just like this doctor with the gymnastics girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>love<\/em> that we\u2019re talking about it; because we\u2019re seeing what happens to victims when they are traumatized, sexually. You know, horrible things happen to the victims\u2019 brains. We wonder why they don\u2019t tell their stories\u2014it\u2019s because their brain goes into shock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let\u2019s just be clear here. It\u2019s not just little girls who have been abused\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014are being abused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s more girls than boys, but there\u2019s a growing number of young boys who have been sexually violated as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you said that, Bob; because I work with many, many male clients who have had a lot of sexual trauma in their childhood. You know, nowadays, boys are exposed to porn at such young ages. I think that is a form of sexual abuse;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014because, you know, they\u2019re children. They are not ready for adult sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s even inappropriate adult sexual behavior\u2014and here they\u2019re being exposed, and really traumatized, and drug in\u2014but so many boys are sexually traumatized by relatives, by next-door neighbors, by other older friends. You know, I would love it to be a safe world, where men can talk as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nancy, I just want you to know\u2014I totally agree with you about this culture of being honest about #MeToo and coming out with how they\u2019ve been wounded and hurt, but it ought to be responded to by the church as our finest hour. We ought to be stepping in with the kind of counseling you provide. You worked in a church in the Dallas\/Fort Worth area for a number of years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe ought to, as a community of faith, know how to provide the kind of\u2014first of all, safe, compassionate \u201cweeping with those who weep\u201d \/ \u201cbearing one another\u2019s burdens\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and help set them on a track of healing; because it\u2019s going to take some time for people who have been wounded like we\u2019re hearing about to find hope and healing. The Bible\u2014the Bible speaks to this!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if anybody ought to be talking about it, it ought to be those of us who walk with Jesus Christ, the Creator of human sexuality, who knows how we function.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and I think to have people around us\u2014that we can be open with \/ people who share our values\u2014and to get counsel from someone like Nancy\u2014to get a copy of her book, <em>Love and Sex<\/em>, and read through it together. I think this could be very helpful for so many couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website to order the book, <em>Love and Sex<\/em>: <em>A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy, <\/em>by our guest today, Nancy Houston. The book is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these kinds of conversations, we think, are important for husbands and wives. These kinds of conversations are often not had; and as a result, there are couples who are in distress in their marriage. At FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our goal is to provide practical biblical help and hope in these areas related to marriage and parenting. We are joined in this mission by many of you who help support the work we\u2019re doing through your donations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we\u2019ve got some exciting news. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come along and put together a matching-gift fund so that we are able to double every donation that we receive during the month of May. When you make a donation, there\u2019ll be money taken from the matching-gift fund to double the amount of your donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition\u2014and this is really exciting\u2014if you become a monthly Legacy Partner\u2014somebody who supports this ministry on a monthly basis\u2014your donation is going to be doubled, not just this month, but every month for the next 12 months. We\u2019re hoping that there will be 300 new families during the month of May\u2014that\u2019s six families in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is heard\u2014300 who would become new Legacy Partners this month. Would you consider doing that? You can find out more about becoming a Legacy Partner when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me also mention\u2014if you sign up to become a Legacy Partner, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you a certificate for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. You can use this for yourself; give it to your kids; give it to someone you know who is in distress. It\u2019s yours to keep or give away as our \u201cThank you,\u201d for your support of this ministry on an on-going basis as a monthly Legacy Partner. Again, there\u2019s information online at FamilyLifeToday.com about becoming a Legacy Partner. You can sign up online or make a one-time donation online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone or to become a Legacy Partner. Again, the number: 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Nancy Houston is going to be back with us. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the challenging areas couples face in the area of marital intimacy. I hope you can tune in and be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:58"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.6M"],"filesize_raw":["26843585"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-300229.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-300229.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Houston recalls her childhood and the difficulty growing up in a non-Christian home with a violent father who suffered from PTSD. Houston reminds listeners, \"God is for you, and abuse is never okay.\"","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2018-05-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Nancy Houston has counseled hundreds of couples who have experienced challenges with intimacy in their marriage. She knows, first hand, how damage from the past\u2014sexual and physical abuse\u2014can bleed over into a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> When I got married at 18, I remember doing this\u2014saying, \u201cOkay; this is my before life, and it\u2019s over; and this is my new life. From here, I will begin my life that I want to have.\u201d I just tried to <em>really<\/em> separate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014and just bury those first 18 years of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, May 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our host is Dennis Rainey, and I'm Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk today about how issues from our past can have an impact on our relationship, as husband and wife, in the marriage bed. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>1:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. You know, when you talk to couples about challenges they\u2019re facing in their marriage, they will sometimes acknowledge that there are issues with the children, or financial issues, or job-related issues\u2014conflict. But one of the areas they\u2019re reticent to talk about is if they\u2019re having trouble in the sexual area of their relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you [Nancy] understand that\u2014this is something that is private, and personal, and intimate.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And we have a sex therapist, who has been one for 17 years, with us on the broadcast. Nancy Houston joins us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Bob\u2019s talking about is right, Nancy; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> It really is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks so much. It\u2019s good to be here with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>2:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSex is really hard to talk about, even for married couples. There\u2019s just a lot of shame that\u2019s built in around our sexuality, oftentimes starting in childhood. Children will play doctor; and when they\u2019re caught, they can be spanked and shamed for that. When children are born, sometimes, their parents don\u2019t know how to talk about body parts\u2014how to use appropriate language with their children. So, you know, we can just be wired for shame, at a very, very young age, about our sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd because we don\u2019t talk about it very much, then there are a lot of unknowns; so children fill in the blanks for themselves. Oftentimes, they aren\u2019t filling in those blanks very well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Usually their peers fill in the blanks,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014and that\u2019s not usually good stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Well, you\u2019ve written a book called <em>Love and Sex<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And this really takes us back to how you grew up, as a young lady, before you even married Ron in 1974.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>3:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Take us back to that experience and explain the context for your book and for your work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Well, I grew up in a non-Christian home. My dad was a brilliant man; he was a city attorney and the city judge. He did very well \/ he was very successful; but inside of our home, it was pretty much a nightmare. I realize, now, that my dad had post-traumatic stress disorder. I didn\u2019t know that when I was a child. He was just sort of a puzzle to me. He could be fun and delightful and provide well for us\u2014and take us on wonderful vacations, and take us fishing, and do a lot of fun things\u2014but then, he had this dark violent side to him and did not believe in God or religion\u2014he thought that was a crutch\u2014we were a family that was self-made, and we did not need that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>4:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, when I became a Christian at 14\u2014and my older sister had become a Christian\u2014he would scream at us and be very angry with us\u2014that we did not need religion; it was just a crutch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did you even hear the gospel, growing up in that home, as a 14-year-old?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> It is pretty amazing; you know? Actually, when I was five years old, there was not public kindergarten back then. There was one good kindergarten in town, and it happened to be an Assembly of God kindergarten. My parents sent me there for kindergarten, and I know that\u2019s where I heard the gospel for the first time. After that, I would hide under my covers with a flashlight and read my Bible; because I knew I would be in trouble if I got caught.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> And I asked my mom, \u201cAre we Christians?\u201d She would say: \u201cOh, yes. We\u2019re Christians.\u201d I would say, \u201cMom, why do you think we\u2019re Christians?\u201d She would say, \u201cBecause we\u2019re good people.\u201d And I would say back to her, \u201cI don\u2019t think we\u2019re that good!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> And so, when I was 14, my parents had gone to Europe for a month. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>5:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy sister had kind of snuck to go to church with our neighbors and received Christ, and she came home and told me about Jesus. I said, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019ve been looking for all my life!\u201d Of course, the seed had been planted in my heart when I was five. We prayed together, and I received Christ in my parents\u2019 bedroom at 14 years old.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And so, what was the dark side, then, that impacted you as a young lady?\u2014not just your father\u2019s lack of belief about God\u2014but he had a dark side that people didn\u2019t know about as well; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; he did. I remember saying to one of his friends, \u201cYou only know him socially.\u201d That was true, because he could be great socially. On the outside, our lives looked pretty perfect; but on the inside, you know, he could just snap and be very violent\u2014and be very violent to all three of his children\u2014and very cruel. He drank a lot and partied hard. He would be sexually abusive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>6:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I think we experienced every kind of abuse there was. I never saw him abuse my mom, physically; but I think there was a lot of emotional abuse for her as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019re saying you <em>and<\/em> your siblings were sexually abused by your father?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; yes, we were.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Starting at what age?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Probably pretty young\u2014it was mostly during my younger years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt stopped. As a matter of fact, my dad, when I was 15, became a Christian. My sister witnessed to him for six hours one day in the living room. I would kind of peek around the corner, expecting violent outbursts; but she just hung in there with him and, eventually, he just broke and received Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> So when you met Ron\u2014started dating him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u2014you really hadn\u2019t processed all that had happened to you from a biblical perspective\u2014or emotional as well. You brought this to your marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; and another thing that was really traumatic for me is\u2014when my family all became Christians, we started going to this <em>wonderful<\/em> church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>7:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were two youth pastors. One was just the most wonderful, delightful, godly man in the whole-wide world\u2014I still adore him. The other man wasn\u2019t like that\u2014he was a sexual predator. I would just try to stay away from him; but one day, on this retreat\u2014unfortunately, he got me alone; and he sexually assaulted me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was <em>very, very <\/em>traumatizing. I already had trauma; but I didn\u2019t tell anybody, because I had never told anybody any of these secrets. I just figured you\u2019re supposed to keep these kinds of secrets. I didn\u2019t know who to tell or what to do, and I just kind of stuffed it down and went on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was shortly after that I started dating my husband. You know, I think we were both looking for a safe place; and we found each other. [Laughter] We got married right out of high school, and my husband received Christ three months before we got married. It\u2019s been such a <em>blessing<\/em>, because we have a safe place with each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But when somebody marries, and they\u2019ve got this compartment of their life\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>8:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that nobody has ever been in before\u2014at some point, the toxic material that\u2019s in there just starts to ooze out into the relationship. How did that happen for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> It does! You know, in our twenties, we had four little boys; so our twenties were super busy. My goal was: \u201cI want to be the <em>best <\/em>mom I can be! We want to be great parents to our kids.\u201d So we were very, very busy and involved in their lives and in our church. It wasn\u2019t until our youngest son went to first grade\u2014I was probably about 32\u2014and I\u2019ll never forget this day\u2014it was a Saturday. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor some odd reason, we didn\u2019t have 20 sporting events that day. [Laughter] It must have been raining or something, so we were all at home. My husband was out in the garage\u2014cleaning the garage\u2014and the kids were playing. I just had a meltdown\u2014I could not stop crying. I am like: \u201cOh! What is wrong with me?!\u201d I kept going out to the garage and saying, \u201cHoney, are you okay?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>9:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cYes; I\u2019m great!\u201d I am like, \u201cAre you sure there isn\u2019t something wrong with you today?\u201d He is like: \u201cNo; I\u2019m fine. I\u2019m so happy I\u2019m getting to clean out my garage.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI needed him to not be okay. I couldn\u2019t handle it\u2014<em>me<\/em> who wasn\u2019t okay. So I would go back into my room and just cry and cry and cry. It was like the flood had broken, and it was all coming out. The next day at church\u2014thankfully, we have this <em>great<\/em> counselor on staff. I went up to him after church, and kind of stood beside him, and said: \u201cThere is something wrong with me. I think I need help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cOkay; well, come in tomorrow at one o\u2019clock.\u201d My first appointment\u2014he said, \u201cTell me about your childhood.\u201d I just sat there and matter-of-factly told him. He sat there and cried. I am like: \u201cOh, it wasn\u2019t that bad! It wasn\u2019t that bad. I survived,\u201d\u2014I had established all of these coping mechanisms. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd my dad was very much, \u201cYou kids better be on top of your game in my home!\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>10:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014you know? There wasn\u2019t any room for weakness or self-pity; just kind of, \u201cGet with it!\u201d So I was pretty good at that\u2014presenting a good outer self, while the inner self was really dying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t know why you were having a meltdown on that Saturday?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No; I did not! I had so\u2014when I got married at 18, I remember doing this\u2014saying: \u201cOkay; this is my before life, and it is over. This is my new life; and from here, I will begin my life that I want to have.\u201d I just tried to <em>really<\/em> separate\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014and just bury those first 18 years of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Some people will read in their Bible, where it says, \u201cForgetting what lies behind\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI press on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And they\u2019ll go, \u201cWell, this is what I\u2019m supposed to do\u2014forget what lies behind and press on.\u201d What\u2019s wrong with that strategy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know, I think God wants us to be an integrated whole. I think Jesus\u2014you know, Jesus says, in Isaiah and Luke, \u201cI came to heal the broken-hearted.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>11:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I love that he said, \u201c\u2026the broken-hearted\u201d not the \u201c\u2026broken-headed.\u201d He wants to heal our broken hearts, where we have been <em>deeply <\/em>wounded \/ <em>deeply<\/em> affected by things that have happened to us. He\u2019s inviting us into this healing process. He isn\u2019t saying, \u201cRun away from it,\u201d \u201cIgnore it,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s all just going to go away, and you\u2019re magically going to be fine.\u201d He\u2019s saying, \u201cNo; I came to heal the broken-hearted, and to set the captive free, and to release the prisoner.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just started meditating on those passages and I am like: \u201cOh! I\u2019m broken-hearted,\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand my counselor\u2019s crying.\u201d I didn\u2019t even\u2014I would say to my counselor: \u201cI\u2019m so afraid, if I start crying, I won\u2019t <em>ever <\/em>be able to stop,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cIt will be a <em>flood<\/em>, and I won\u2019t have any control over it.\u201d I think I had just learned how to control it all, pretty much because I had to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what happened, a year-and-a-half in\u2014that caused a breakthrough for you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to go: \u201cOh, yes. This is not something that is okay\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>12:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I so believe in a healing journey\u2014I don\u2019t think it\u2019s \u201cone and done.\u201d I think it\u2019s a process for all of us. I just kept working that process: I went to a sexual abuse recovery group; I kept seeing the therapist; I started talking to friends \/ our pastor; and people were praying for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy husband was so good to me\u2014I mean, I would be triggered; and like, suddenly, he\u2019s a bad man. I would just say, \u201cTime out\u201d; and he would just hold me and pray for me. I am like: \u201cOkay; I\u2019m safe. This is a good man,\u201d\u2014you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And that was going to be one of my questions\u2014was: \u201cWhat would you say to the husband, who is married to a woman who is a #MeToo\u2014who\u2019s been abused?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cWhat would you coach him to do?\u201d\u2014obviously, you just talked about what your husband did\u2014\u201cWhat else?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>13:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I think just being there for her, knowing that you cannot rescue her, but you can partner with her in her healing\u2014just like you, as a man, probably have some things that need healing; and you\u2019re going to need her to partner with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s the beauty of marriage and what marriage, really, is meant to be about\u2014where we partner with each other in the really great places and in the hard, agonizing places. We learn how to be there with each other\u2014not condemn, not criticize, and not like: \u201cCan\u2019t you just get over this?\u201d \u201cCan\u2019t you just be better?\u201d \u201cCan\u2019t you just forget about it?\u201d But instead, like: \u201cWell, tell me about that. How was that for you? What was that like for you? What do you need from me? How can I love you through this hard season? How can I support you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> The name of your book is <em>Love and Sex<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And the love is what is so necessary today, and not an emotional kind of love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>14:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> But, as you\u2019ve mentioned before, a safe and secure covenant-keeping love that says: \u201cYou know what? No matter what you\u2019ve done \/ no matter what you tell me, I\u2019m going to be standing here, offering you a real relationship with a real person. I\u2019m not quitting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> \u201cAnd I\u2019m not going to toss in the towel.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s safety; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Right; it really is. When I knew: \u201cWow! I\u2019m married to a man who loves me for me. It\u2019s not just about my body or his pleasure. It is\u2014he\u2019s somebody who cares about me,\u201d\u2014that, for a woman who has experienced trauma from males \/significant males\u2014it is like water to your soul; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What if her husband is a perpetrator? What if he is still continuing the abuse that maybe somebody else started at another time? What would you say to a woman who\u2019s in a marriage that isn\u2019t safe?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>15:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Well, you know, my therapist said to me, \u201cNancy, it\u2019s <em>amazing<\/em> that you aren\u2019t on your fifth marriage and that you didn\u2019t marry really dangerous men.\u201d I am like: \u201cYes!\u201d It was just the grace of God\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cthat I didn\u2019t repeat what I grew up with,\u201d because, a lot of times, we repeat. Thankfully, for some reason\u2014I cannot take any credit for it\u2014but for some reason, God spared me that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t that smart at 18; were you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No; I wasn\u2019t. Although, I remember at six [years old], what I wanted more than anything in life was\u2014I wanted to marry a man I loved\u2014not for money\u2014because I felt like my mom kind of married my dad for money. I wanted to marry for love, and I wanted to be a really good wife and a good parent. I mean, that\u2019s what really mattered to me. I think God was leading me in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon and I were\u2014we were kind of like a mess when we got married at 18. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I mean, obviously, he brought in some trauma \/ I brought in some trauma. He had come from a lot of neglect. I hadn\u2019t had any financial neglect, but I had emotional neglect\u2014I hadn\u2019t been protected. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>16:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mother never protected me\u2014just one time, Dad was hitting and kicking me\u2014and Mom just said, \u201cBill, don\u2019t kick her in the head.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes. So I would say to women, who are in abusive relationships\u2014like: \u201cYou matter. You have so much value. You have worth. Even though this person has told you [that] you don\u2019t, you do! God is for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think abuse is ever okay. If you\u2019re in an abusive relationship, you have to find ways to protect yourself and to protect your children\u2014they are worth it, and you are worth it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one day\u2014my dad had left the house, really angry with my mom. He was screaming; and you know, he squealed out of the driveway, with rocks flying. I sat by my mom on the couch; and I said, \u201cMom, we can make it without him.\u201d You know?\u2014I was kind of the parent, at six years old. I was trying to parent my mother and say: \u201cMom, we can make it without him. We will find a way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>17:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know what I thought I would do, at six years old, to financially support; you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> But I think we have to believe there\u2019s a way to live apart from abuse and living with a perpetrator. I wish my mother would have had the courage to ask for help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, my dad was a very powerful man. I remember, sometimes, thinking: \u201cI should call the police. I know this behavior isn\u2019t right.\u201d But then I am like: \u201cMy dad\u2019s the city judge! How do I call the police? They work for him!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know? It was kind of a dilemma.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you had to, in the last year\u2014when the Hollywood scandals were exposed, and the MeToo hashtag emerged, and then we hear about Olympic gymnasts\u2014all of this stuff is coming out\u2014and women and men courageously saying, \u201cThis is my story.\u201d There is something healthy about us being in a day where hidden stories like this are coming to light and where healing can happen; isn\u2019t there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>18:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know, I am so thankful. I just thought, \u201cGod, it\u2019s kind of a miracle that my book is coming out right at the same time that all of this MeToo is happening.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes; if we could create a culture, where it is okay for you to say: \u201cThis bad thing happened to me, and I need help. It really hurt me deeply; and I need some people to stand up and say to this perpetrator, \u2018Your behavior is not okay, and we\u2019re not going to let you get away with it anymore.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> You know, for example\u2014back when this happened to me with the youth pastor\u2014apparently, it happened to several other girls in the youth group. Some of us told the senior pastor. Well, they put that youth pastor on a train that night; and he left the state, never to be seen again; but, you know, that wasn\u2019t helpful to us girls; you know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; and he probably landed somewhere else and said, \u201cI was a youth pastor in Oregon,\u201d and got another job somewhere else. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> He did. He went on to be a youth pastor at several other churches. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>19:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, he probably perpetrated, maybe, hundreds of girls, just like this doctor with the gymnastics girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI <em>love<\/em> that we\u2019re talking about it; because we\u2019re seeing what happens to victims when they are traumatized, sexually. You know, horrible things happen to the victims\u2019 brains. We wonder why they don\u2019t tell their stories\u2014it\u2019s because their brain goes into shock.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let\u2019s just be clear here. It\u2019s not just little girls who have been abused\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> No!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014are being abused.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s more girls than boys, but there\u2019s a growing number of young boys who have been sexually violated as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you said that, Bob; because I work with many, many male clients who have had a lot of sexual trauma in their childhood. You know, nowadays, boys are exposed to porn at such young ages. I think that is a form of sexual abuse;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nancy:<\/strong> \u2014because, you know, they\u2019re children. They are not ready for adult sexuality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>20:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s even inappropriate adult sexual behavior\u2014and here they\u2019re being exposed, and really traumatized, and drug in\u2014but so many boys are sexually traumatized by relatives, by next-door neighbors, by other older friends. You know, I would love it to be a safe world, where men can talk as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Nancy, I just want you to know\u2014I totally agree with you about this culture of being honest about #MeToo and coming out with how they\u2019ve been wounded and hurt, but it ought to be responded to by the church as our finest hour. We ought to be stepping in with the kind of counseling you provide. You worked in a church in the Dallas\/Fort Worth area for a number of years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe ought to, as a community of faith, know how to provide the kind of\u2014first of all, safe, compassionate \u201cweeping with those who weep\u201d \/ \u201cbearing one another\u2019s burdens\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>21:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014and help set them on a track of healing; because it\u2019s going to take some time for people who have been wounded like we\u2019re hearing about to find hope and healing. The Bible\u2014the Bible speaks to this!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> And if anybody ought to be talking about it, it ought to be those of us who walk with Jesus Christ, the Creator of human sexuality, who knows how we function.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; and I think to have people around us\u2014that we can be open with \/ people who share our values\u2014and to get counsel from someone like Nancy\u2014to get a copy of her book, <em>Love and Sex<\/em>, and read through it together. I think this could be very helpful for so many couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website to order the book, <em>Love and Sex<\/em>: <em>A Christian Guide to Healthy Intimacy, <\/em>by our guest today, Nancy Houston. The book is available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>22:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, these kinds of conversations, we think, are important for husbands and wives. These kinds of conversations are often not had; and as a result, there are couples who are in distress in their marriage. At FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our goal is to provide practical biblical help and hope in these areas related to marriage and parenting. We are joined in this mission by many of you who help support the work we\u2019re doing through your donations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we\u2019ve got some exciting news. We\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry who have come along and put together a matching-gift fund so that we are able to double every donation that we receive during the month of May. When you make a donation, there\u2019ll be money taken from the matching-gift fund to double the amount of your donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>23:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition\u2014and this is really exciting\u2014if you become a monthly Legacy Partner\u2014somebody who supports this ministry on a monthly basis\u2014your donation is going to be doubled, not just this month, but every month for the next 12 months. We\u2019re hoping that there will be 300 new families during the month of May\u2014that\u2019s six families in every state where <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>is heard\u2014300 who would become new Legacy Partners this month. Would you consider doing that? You can find out more about becoming a Legacy Partner when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd let me also mention\u2014if you sign up to become a Legacy Partner, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you a certificate for a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway. You can use this for yourself; give it to your kids; give it to someone you know who is in distress. It\u2019s yours to keep or give away as our \u201cThank you,\u201d for your support of this ministry on an on-going basis as a monthly Legacy Partner. Again, there\u2019s information online at FamilyLifeToday.com about becoming a Legacy Partner. You can sign up online or make a one-time donation online; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone or to become a Legacy Partner. Again, the number: 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>24:00<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Nancy Houston is going to be back with us. We\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the challenging areas couples face in the area of marital intimacy. I hope you can tune in and be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our host, Dennis Rainey, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\tHelp for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2018 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/300229","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=300229"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=300229"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=300229"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=300229"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=300229"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=300229"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=300229"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}